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Bela, don't worry. You're better than all this crap. | I never said I could ad-lib... |
I never said I could ad-lib... | Forget about it. We'll make our new movie, and you'll be a star again. |
"Dear, you are a woman of super strength and beauty. A lovely vision of exquisitely beauty -- shit!" Damn! Eddie, I'm sorry I can't remember all this. I'm an old man. It's too long. | That's fine, Bela. We're still rolling. Just say "Dear, you're lovely." |
That's fine, Bela. We're still rolling. Just say "Dear, you're lovely." | "Dear, you're lovely." "Strap her to the table." |
Let's shoot this fucker! Where do I go? | You'll be fighting with the octopus. |
You'll be fighting with the octopus. | Out <u>there</u>?! What happened to the stream? |
Out <u>there</u>?! What happened to the stream? | This'll look a lot better. We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater. |
This'll look a lot better. We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater. | Oh, for Christ's sake. |
Goddamn, it's cold! | Once you're in it, it warms up. |
Once you're in it, it warms up. | Fuck you! <u>You</u> come out here. Hey, toss me that J.D. |
Do you know I turned down "Frankenstein"? | Huh? |
Huh? | After I did "Dracula," the studio offered me "Frankenstein"! But I turned it down, the part wasn't sexy enough. It was too degrading for a big star like me. |
Sweetie, you won't believe it! I've got the most incredible news! | You got the job?!! |
You got the job?!! | Huh?! Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something <u>better</u> happened! |
Huh?! Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something <u>better</u> happened! | Better than not getting a job? |
Better than not getting a job? | Yeah! I met a movie star! Somebody <u>really big</u>! |
Yeah! I met a movie star! Somebody <u>really big</u>! | Who? Robert Taylor?! |
Who? Robert Taylor?! | No! A horror movie star! |
No! A horror movie star! | Boris Karloff!? |
Boris Karloff!? | Close! The <u>other</u> one! |
Close! The <u>other</u> one! | You met Basil Rathbone! |
You met Basil Rathbone! | Oh, the hell with you. I met BELA LUGOSI! |
Oh, the hell with you. I met BELA LUGOSI! | I thought he was dead. |
It's a damn good role. | <u>That's not the issue</u>!! Ugh! How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?! |
<u>That's not the issue</u>!! Ugh! How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?! | It takes me comfortable. |
It takes me comfortable. | Oh, just like in the script! |
Look on the bright side. If we miss the rent, what's the worst they can do? | Toss us out on our ass. |
Toss us out on our ass. | Exactly. |
Goddamn landlord. | I told you this was gonna happen. |
I told you this was gonna happen. | Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money. |
Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money. | That's moronic. Why would a bit player impress a backer? |
That's moronic. Why would a bit player impress a backer? | Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry? I blew it! I thought she was rich. |
Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry? I blew it! I thought she was rich. | That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend. |
That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend. | <u>I didn't dump you</u>! Get it through your skull -- I just recast the part! |
Hey big shot, get off your ass. They need a potted palm over in the Carl Laemmle Building. | Sure thing, Mr. Kravitz. |
He's a <u>bum</u>. | No he's not! Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years? "Dracula"! "The Raven"! "The Black Cat"! |
No he's not! Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years? "Dracula"! "The Raven"! "The Black Cat"! | Yeah? Well now he's a junkie. He don't deserve to work. |
Yeah? Well now he's a junkie. He don't deserve to work. | That's not true -- |
That's not true -- | He's so great, <u>you</u> hire him. |
He's so great, <u>you</u> hire him. | Well, uh, if I could I would... |
I can't believe it. These sound like <u>my</u> problems! | It's the damn money men. You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods. And then they all think <u>they're</u> a director... |
It's the damn money men. You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods. And then they all think <u>they're</u> a director... | Ain't that the truth! I've even bad producers recut my movies -- |
Ain't that the truth! I've even bad producers recut my movies -- | Ugh, I hate when that happens. |
Ugh, I hate when that happens. | And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even <u>matter</u> if they're right for the part! |
And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even <u>matter</u> if they're right for the part! | Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller at Universal, and they want Charlton Heston to play a <u>Mexican</u>! |
Eddie, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures. I make crap. | Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something! |
Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something! | Yeah. Crap with a star. |
Yeah. Crap with a star. | No! It would be something better! Something <u>impressive</u>. The biggest moneymaker you've ever had! |
No! It would be something better! Something <u>impressive</u>. The biggest moneymaker you've ever had! | Fine, maybe you're right. But it doesn't friggin' matter. I can't afford a star, so I don't even know what we're talking about. |
Does this mean you don't like sex with girls? | No! I love sex with girls. |
No! I love sex with girls. | Oh. Okay. |
Oh. Okay. | Okay? |
Well, I was wondering if maybe sometime you'd like to go out, and maybe grab some dinner. | You mean like a date? I thought you were a fag. |
You mean like a date? I thought you were a fag. | ME?! No, uh, I'm just a transvestite. |
ME?! No, uh, I'm just a transvestite. | Isn't that the same thing? |
Isn't that the same thing? | No, no! I like girls. So how 'bout Friday? |
No, no! I like girls. So how 'bout Friday? | Look, you seem like a nice guy, Ed, but you're just not my type. But keep in touch. Let me know when your movie opens. |
I'11 have to pass, Al. And it's not an age thing -- | No! Do they show you having sex? |
No! Do they show you having sex? | No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away. |
No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away. | At what point? |
At what point? | At the point -- I don't -- Look you'd be on TV maybe one or two times each. I'11 try to avoid I'11 go out of my way to avoid, getting together with you. Believe me. |
Have I ever said a bad word to you about your father? | No. |
No. | Well, now I will. He was a crazy mean, son-of-a-bitch. |
You think she really likes him? | She doesn't give a shit about him. |
She doesn't give a shit about him. | You know what would be great? |
You know what would be great? | What? |
What? | If Ray would steal this girl from Ed. That would be great. |
Now look. Don't freeze up on me. I picked you because you had kind of a relaxed, go-with-the-flow quality. You're not going to lose that, are you? | No, uh... |
No, uh... | I bet my career on you. You'd better be good. |
I bet my career on you. You'd better be good. | Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that. |
Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that. | I do. |
Ed, everything goes off. "Cheers" went off. "Mash" went off -- | Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again! |
Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again! | Ed -- |
Ed -- | You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say - "Leave her be, see other people for a while." You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show. |
You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say - "Leave her be, see other people for a while." You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show. | Ed -- |
Ed -- | No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me. |
No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me. | Yeah? Well I'm not starting now. |
What happened? | It was horrible. He called me up. |
It was horrible. He called me up. | Who? |
Who? | Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him -- |
Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him -- | So you had sex with him? |
What? | The doctor said you were having sex. |
The doctor said you were having sex. | To you? In front of him? With the... |
To you? In front of him? With the... | Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know. |
Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know. | Oh my god! On TV! |
Oh my god! On TV! | Why? How... |
Why? How... | One thing led to another. He was my husband once. |
One thing led to another. He was my husband once. | But Al is your husband now! |
But Al is your husband now! | Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex. |
Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex. | Apparently, neither can Hank. What the hell did you do to him? |
Um, yeah, I was gonna ... | What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision - |
What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision - | Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry. |
Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry. | Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me? |
Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me? | I batted! |
I batted! | You batted or you bunted? |
You batted or you bunted? | Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday. |
Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday. | Well, then I'm quitting. |
Well, then I'm quitting. | Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called "Get your shit together before it's too late." |
Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called "Get your shit together before it's too late." | Who's in it? |
Don't defend that horse's ass to me. | I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something -- |
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