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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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All right. If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize. That's not my intention. I'm not gonna guess what your personal line of decency is. I cross my own from time to time. It's how i know I still have one. All right. I have no problem with illegal immigration in this country except for the fact that they don't serve on ...
A lot of times, people complain that their significant other takes too long to get ready to go out at night. I've never had that complaint. And I think it's because I never want to go anywhere. So I could care less how long it takes her to get ready. That's just less time I have to spend with her horrible friends prete...
I'm gonna be here for a while. Yeah, the people that are clapping right now, they're the ones like, "Okay, all kidding aside, "He is a genius. "No, no, no, no. It's the simplicity. "I've been sitting on that thing my whole life. "You're telling me I could turn around, "have a bowl of cereal, yeah? "Set the alarm ten mi...
Wipe me! I recently started flat-ironing my ball hair. Come on, ladies. you know how it is. If you have curly hair, you just want straight hair. So now when people see my balls, it's like, "Oh, my goodness. "That looks really, really good. Isn't that damaging to the hair?" And I'm like, "Yeah, but what are you gonna do...
That's a good-looking baby. If they had a baby abercrombie store, they'd hire him to work the front door, right? Just standin' there shirtless, propped up. He can't stand yet. Just leaning against the wall. Big poster, big poster of himself just standing in little tight pampers. And you'd walk in, and you'd be like, "I...
And this is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's gonna let 'em into heaven. Okay? So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates just going, "Yeah. you...
No, no. I'm not gonna ride around in a buggy. It's bad enough I have a four-cylinder. But I would like a fireless fireplace. I don't know how you did it, Amish. Apparently, you partnered up with the wiccans because that is magical. You know the economy's in the toilet when the Amish can afford full-page ads in every pa...
Ben shouldn't be in the bathroom with anyone. Speaking of quarterbacks, uh, Brett Favre-- I love that everybody gave him so much grief to retire. Brett Favre should retire. Are you out of your mind? He makes $12 million a year to play a game. "Yeah, I'm gonna keep playing." "Hey, Brett, the whole world thinks you shoul...
Are you kidding me? Oh, baseball, certainly. Baseball's a strike away from being soccer. Yeah. And if you like soccer, well, welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment, so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end zero-zero is not enjoyable unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and hal...
"All men are created equal. "You know what we mean. Now get me some hot coffee, boy." At least we're not women, right, fellas? Oh, jeez. What is that like? Is it horrible? Is it awful... to know you're number two? By the way, these aren't my beliefs. It's my observations on the world I live in. If it changes, I'll adju...
High school, how did you do it?" No. I refuse to give that generic speech. "As I look out here, I see future lawyers and doctors." I gave the real speech. "There's felons here. Some of you will die in a D.U.I. accident tonight." Oh, I'm sorry. Explain to me why a dose of reality before community college is a bad thing,...
You ever hear this expression? "The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work." Uh, I'll call B.S. I've watched the Deadliest Catch on Discovery. I've never once been at work, capsized into 40-degree water, watched all my coworkers die and be like, "Hey, at least we're fucking fishing'." Huh? Am I right,...
You gotta plow a four to appreciate an eight. That's my mantra. Yeah. I'll come home from a road trip and be like, "You are so beautiful." She's like, "Oh, you must have been with a pig this weekend." I don't cheat on her. It's a joke. Don't get me wrong, I hate my girlfriend. I... hate being in a relationship, but I'm...
I'm like, "It's your future. Read the chart." They don't stop growing. they're like earlobes. That joke was inspired by a door that wasn't locked when I was 11. How about those winter Olympics? They were exciting, weren't they? Finally, we got to figure out which country can slide down a hill faster. Not Georgia. Oh, I...
Yeah. Do that for old glory. Enjoy your eating disorder, ask your mom why you stopped growing at 4'3", and remember, every guy says Hammertoe's a deal breaker. I'm not touching your feet, Mary Lou. They're disgusting. And how bad is that medal ceremony? Ugh. It's horrible. I hate our fucking anthem. The national anthe...
It's pretty heroic." The first thing Michael Phelps should have done when that photo came out was call Kobe Bryant's publicist, because Kobe was accused of rape. And all he had to do was settle in civil court for millions of dollars, change his jersey number, win a championship, and that soulless town in L.A. couldn't ...
If you don't know, Johnny Depp's 48 years old. I assume it goes like this. "Hold on, guys, I'll be right with you. "I have to put on another bracelet. "I only have six on. I want to wear seven tonight. "I know you're in a hurry, "But i have to make sure my belt is askew "and my handkerchief is just so, because I'm almo...
Always sneaking in subliminal stuff in our movies. Did you know there's a penis on "The Little Mermaid" box? You try to draw Ariel for six months and not put a dick somewhere. God, I love that fish half. Liberal. A little girl was killed in my neighborhood recently, which is sad, but it happens, not usually in white ne...
and there was a big fence with signs on it that probably said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he's like, "What? "Have you seen me in that hat? Not today, fence." And he went over it. And there was a second fence with more signs. Like, "Come on, knock it off." He's like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs." And he went ...
Top that, Janikowski." Oh, finally a raider reference that doesn't involve sucking. People have always told me I have a sick sense of humor. What do you say to that? I assume it's relative. Who are you comparing me to? Carrot top? Then, yeah, I'm a little blue. To my circle of friends, I'm tame. My sister's off the cha...
The fray gets wet, then the pant leg goes up much higher than anything I ever stepped in. I just look down. I'm like, aagh! Is this what the people in New Orleans went through? Because this is awful. Had I known it was that bad, maybe I would have helped. Next time, 'Trina 2, I'm your savior. Do they name storms like s...
Make it rain. "Thank you, rap community, for continuing to keep women in their place," he said with heavy sarcasm. If you don't know, it's when you throw cash on the hos. I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah, that's when you throw change on sluts. "Ow! Are those nickels?" "Yeah. It's a down ec...
What's the back of the shirt say? "Problem solved." It says, "Go back to being selfish. "Your life's not over just yet. "Don't have to take all those failed dreams and cram 'em down somebody else's throat." Back of the shirt's long. People may bump into you, like, "Sorry, I was reading that horrible shirt. Where are yo...
I said, "Oh. it's a lot like picking up dog shit with a bag," Which I thought then and think now is a spot-on analogy. Like, you know there's dog poo in your hand, but you don't freak out. Sometimes when I'm out at night and I see a group of women, I like to walk up to 'em and pretend that I'm a judge at a dog show. An...
Seat belts only go this big. Some people need an extra 6 1/2 feet of nylon to strap in, as if any collision would unwedge them. I love that the modeling industry gets attacked for being too skinny. Really, America? You're not too big? Mm-mm. Is something in your mouth? Mm-mm. Do you know why they say that-- that models...
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ Oh! Come on ♪ Look behind the curtain I still don't understand ♪ Was it misdirection? Was it just sleight of hand? ♪ Is your illusion playing tricks on my mind? ♪ In my confusion losing track of the time ♪ How do you do it? How do you do it? ♪ How do you do it? Like nothing to it ♪ How do you ...
Let's hear it for Adam Trent! And if you thought you saw a gray hair, that was also an illusion. Remember, I'll be making myself appear at the Lakefield Mall next Saturday. Oh, and the Shake It Up, Chicago! dancers will also be there performing live! We'll see you next week! (BUZZER SOUNDING) I loved your magical perf...
I can't believe it! I know! Who wants a bun if it and frosting on it? on No, I was talking about next to the bun cart. Hey, she looks just like Miss Nancy from Miss Nancy's Fancy Dance Academy. Yes. Probably because it is Miss Nancy from Miss Nancy's Fancy Dance Academy. Oh! Excuse me. Hi. Um, I just wanted to say hi ...
One for six! Two for 10! I'll even throw in a free bottle of hair spray! I don't understand. Is business bad? Oh, no, but I had an opportunity to buy the building. Well, I have a $3,000 balloon payment and the building is upside down. Wow, even I know an upside down building is bad for business. Wow, CeCe, you really ...
I'm hot! I'm just going to ignore that and move on. This one's called Bump It, Baby. You can record your own music and share it with friends by bumping. Oh, cool. Let me get one of your new raps. What... What the heck was that? I was bumping you for your song. You thought we would bump hips and music would magically tr...
The fruitcakes are selling cupcakes! This happens to be a fundraiser. Well, if you're trying to earn money to see a good dermatologist I'll take one for each of your poorly-concealed pimples. I'll take four. Ooh, no, five. Guys, this is not a joke. We're trying to help Miss Nancy, the woman who taught us how to dance. ...
Well, according to the guy at the YOphone store, your friend repeatedly banging your phone on the table is not covered by the insurance plan. Dude, I feel awful. Could you do me a favor and stop bringing it up? Thanks to you, I'm stuck using my Grandma's old phone. That's a phone? There's no screen. How do you text? Wa...
What? Grandma? Hold on, bad reception. Hello? Yeah. I got you. Okay, hold on. Here we go. Okay. Grandma? Grandma? Grandma? Grandma? (STUTTERING) There you go. Got you, Grandma. No way! We're still $1,500 short. Even after selling all our old clothes, putting in all the money from the bake sale and all of our saving...
Yeah. Maybe he can auction off an afternoon with us. Oh! Okay, let's do that. Excuse me, Gary. See, we're raising money to save our old dance school and we were hoping you could auction off an afternoon with CeCe and Rocky at the mall show on Saturday. Let me think about it. No. But, Gary, we're talking about the wom...
Unless you're me. Then it's free. But shh! And now, one lucky bidder is going to get an entire afternoon with two of Shake It Up, Chicago! 's best dancers and shakedown artists, Rocky and CeCe. What if no one actually bids on us? Don't worry. I already thought of that. Okay, let's open the bidding. Do I hear $100? One ...
Three hundred going once. Four hundred dollars! No... Do I hear five? Five hundred dollars from the same bidder! Now, there's a man who cares about dance. Dude, you better watch that hand. Five hundred going once, going twice... BOY: One thousand dollars! (ALL GASPING) Thank you! Do I hear 1,100? Yes! 1,100! BOY: $1,5...
Hello, babies. (GUNTHER CHUCKLING) What are you two doing here? We spent a lot of money for an afternoon with Rocky and CeCe. Yes, but not this afternoon. We're going to see Beyonce. We've been looking forward to this for months. It's either this afternoon or forget the money we owe you. Hey, wait a minute. You're only...
Plus, we're not allowed to watch it either. Okay, let's play a game. Oh, fine, we'll play. (KICKING) Ow! What the heck kind of game is that? It's called Kick You in the Shins. Okay, how about we try a new game? Okay, how about... Ow! (WHIMPERING) Kick the Other One in the Shins! How do you like that, babies? I told y...
Don't say "number one"! Fine, but remember, Deuce, we are a team. We have to work hard if we want to win. (WHIMPERS) Don't forget, Deuce, it's we, we! We, we! Okay, he wasn't in there. And he wasn't in there. How could he just disappear? I don't know. But we've got to find that little Hessen-horror. (BLENDER WHIRRING)...
What was that? I don't know. But... (CRASHING NOISES) (BOTH SCREAMING) Now can I watch Jersey Hills? Itch. Got an itch. Really bad itch. You gotta scratch me, man. Fine. Come on. You gotta do this for me. Okay. Little lower. Little lower. To the left. To the left. To the left. To the right. Oh, that's it. That's ...
Oh, well, I'm Deuce Martinez and that's Ty Blue. Yeah. Ty Blue. Are you, by any chance, related to Rocky Blue? Yeah, she's my little sister. Oh, that's too bad. Shake It Up, Chicago! employees and their family members are ineligible to compete. I'm going to have to disqualify you. But you still win. Yeah! I got a YOpho...
A shoe box? Our money! ROCKY: What have you done? Your evil little cousin destroyed all the other money we raised. Oh. Did I do something bad? All the work we did was for nothing. This Fancy Nancy really means a lot to you, huh? It's all the money you need for your dance school. What's the catch? There is none. Wow. ...
You know what? It's us who should be thanking you for all you did for us. You know, I still remember our first recital. Oh, me too. You girls were the best itsy bitsy spiders I ever had. Especially you, CeCe. You were the itsiest bitsiest. I still am. All right, what do you guys say? Once for old times' sake? Sure, why...
Alyssa! We love you, Kalani! We love you! Welcome back to Shake It Up, Chicago! I'mRocky... And I'm CeCe. And we are here to introduce the spotlight dance of the week. All the way from Arizona, give it up for... AKsquared! ♪ We'll make a mark, we'll make a mark ♪ We'll make a mark, we'll make a mark ♪ Short sign, strob...
♪ Give all you've got, no matter what ♪ Oh oh oh! Oh oh! We'll make a mark ♪ Oh oh oh! Oh oh On the dance floor ♪ Oh oh oh! Oh oh! We'll make a mark ♪ Oh oh oh! Oh oh On the dance floor ♪ ♪ Everybody, everybody, get out on the floor ♪ It can get a little crazy when the kick hits the 4 ♪ Make a scene, make a scene, ...
Interesting." less. Okay! Good start, CeCe. Really? Yeah, except for one thing. Reading Of Mice and Men. Oh, great. I read the back of the wrong book. CeCe, turn off the radio so you can focus. They just play too many dumb commercials. And have dreamsce of becoming a professional dancer? Freeze! I do! Do you wanna sp...
Really? Put on a dance camp to raise money to go to a dance camp? We dance on TV, kids would love to learn from us. Oh! And we can do it right here while my mom is at work. Okay, now you can shoot me down. CeCe, I hate to say this, but that was a great idea! Yay, us! Your plan has one fatal flaw. Me. Now, we all know...
I have a few ideas. Ooh! Me too. One, we put up a banner. And, two, we open up the door. CeCe, it's not that simple. Welcome to dance camp! I guess it is that simple. Okay, the bathroom is in the hallway, stay out of my room, and if you need anything else, don't ask me. I'm not getting paid enough. CeCe, we can't do t...
I mean, sorry. I meant my name is Flynn and... You smell like rainbows. Okay, I get it. You think I'm pretty. But I'm here to further my dance career, and no man is going to derail that. She's totally into me. Ha! Match point! Wait, why not make it more interesting and play zing-pong? Zing-pong? You mean, like zinger...
All right. But I don't want any tears. Whoa! Now, now. I don't want any tears. Four, five, six, seven, eight. All right, good job, campers. You guys can go ahead and take a five. Did I tell you this is going to be the easiest cash we've ever made? I hate to say this, but, you were ri... You were ri... You were not wro...
You're our friend Rachel's father, Larry Diller. The lawyer from the commercials. CeCe, this guy is great. I mean, he never loses a case. Uh-oh. CeCe, he's threatening to sue us. He's not bluffing! Relax, Rocky. Per Illinois state law, statute 9275-B, a child under the age of 15 is conclusively presumed to be incapabl...
Uh, form two lines, please. Suzy. Suzy. Suzy. Suzy. Suzy. Suzy. Suzy. Hi. Yeah, hi, Flynn. She knows my name. Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me! Uh, Larr? Taller campers in the back. Seems unfair to those of us who are near-sighted, but okay. Okay, kids! We're gonna do a move called, "The Good Foot." All right, so...
Larry? Does someone have something to say to Suzy? No. All right, fine. Sorry, Suzy. Yay! Twenty-one to eight. Zing-pong! Time to turn around... Loser! Oh! My pride. I demand a rematch. So basically, you can't handle losing to a girl, so you'll play me game after game until you win and then your male ego can pat you...
But if my client gets life without parole, it's on you. Okay! Anyone else a little hungry? Let's go take a lunch break. Hey, CeCe? Can I give you, like a little, teeny-tiny note about your teaching style? Sure. You're mean. I mean, if you want Larry to learn, you have to encourage him. Excuse me. He's unfocused, he ...
Just like you. You know how far cute gets you in life? This far. You know how far smart and successful gets you? The rest of the way. You think I became a lawyer just because I care about justice? I did it because court stenographers are traditionally very attractive. I don't understand your point. If she's important t...
Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry! Aah! I was just resting my eyes. For 20 minutes? Well, Suzy was supposed to wake me up in ten, but apparently someone is being a child and can't get past a little toe stomping. Ahh! Oh! Ooh! Okay, come on! And it's a right, right, and a left. And, right, right, and a left...
CeCe, what did you do? Oh, I yelled at him for a while and then he finally quit. Well, I think it's time for a little juice break, kids! All right. CeCe, we made a commitment to him. Does that mean anything to you? Come on, Rocky! I'm just trying to get enough money to go to the Big Apple Dance Camp. So, that's it? We...
No! Yes! Good game, Ty. You win. Now, I will turn my back and you may zing away. Yeah. Well, go on, take your shot, little boy. Oh, yeah! No, no, I can't do it. You're a girl. It's not right. Oh, I'll tell you what's not right. You not treating me like the equal I am. I lose fair and square and you can't be gracious en...
Best two out of three? Oh, good. 'Cause I thought you were serious about... Ha! Point, Tinka! You can't quit now, Larry! Okay, look, you do have some moves. I'm not sure what they are... But, maybe if you come back, we can figure them out. Or, I could keep eating my pizza, and you two could scoot on out of here. You c...
Mr. Diller? Remember what you told me in the kitchen? That if you care about something, never give up, no matter what. Thank you for reminding me of that, Flynn. I've got to get back to camp. I promised myself I was going to go to that bar mitzvah and dance my tuchus off, and I'm gonna do it! Yes! Actually, I was talk...
But I said, "No. We must stand by him, "we must encourage him and teach him how to dance." Uh, CeCe... I said, "We made to Larry Diller, "and we will not stop untill that commitment is fulfilled." Uh, yeah, well that's the way I remember it. Well, that's the way it happened! Thought it was gonna be a good day [ Man ch...
It was a Mac-10, all black-like, with a big barrel. Bad-ass gun. Isn't it true that you were focused on the weapon, focused on saving yourself? Yeah, but -- so focused, you couldn't possibly see the shooter because you were only looking at the gun. Isn't that true, Mr. Moore? Trust me. The defense attorney will be wor...
Oh, don't worry about it, all right? They're not gonna find you. Um, this is officer Jermaine Walker, and he will be outside your hotel room all night. How you doing? I'll make sure nothing happens. You have my word. All right. See you tomorrow. Order a steak. No, no, no, no. Don't. I'm concerned about promise, rewar...
But? - Just wish she'd lighten up a little bit. Valerie Delgado says your witness is prepped. Yeah, I think he's good to go, sir. Keep up the good work. We all want this guy. I've been waiting for this day for a long time. Little T is responsible for at least 15 murders. Remember when we almost got him with the drive-...
[ Clears throat ] - Uh, where's the other one? - The other one? This is two-for-one from the gentleman's warehouse, right? Jane: God, you know what? Go away, please. He's right. I got no sense of style. Oh, come on. He's just messing with you. Here. Wear this one. Goes nice with your eyes. Thank you. [ Sighs ] You ar...
I-I hope you don't mind, but the TV in the guest house just doesn't do them justice. Well, they look like contacts. No! Yeah, Paris Hilton wears them, too. I didn't think you read tabloids. Oh, no. I read that in Ophthalmological Month journal. Yeah. Of course. So, why is the sound off? Oh. Mr. O'Reilly's very brig...
No, no, no, no, no. Turn that crap off, ma. Uh, Jane, O'Reilly is doing -- Off, all right? We all know you're in love with B.O. Don't call him that. Off! Too bad, since he's doing the whole show on your case. What? But since you're not interested -- wait. No. Turn it back on. Ma, turn it back on! - Look, it's you! - ...
Well, studies show that men with great earning potential are still the most desirable mate. She's too old to mate. Rizzoli! At least that stops her from falling for Stanley. How many times I got to tell you? The jelly doughnuts don't go here. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Stanley. Look at this mess. You got strawberry jelly on th...
It's Dante, my witness. [ Sighs ] There was a guard right outside his hotel door. Frost is checking it out. Little T ordered this hit from jail. How'd they find him? I talked him into this, Korsak. - You're not responsible for this. - Yeah, I am. Rigor indicates he's been dead about eight hours. So he was killed last n...
Let's not play the blame game. I just want to find out who did this. His wallet's still here. Did you see his phone? - No. I'll get a subpoena going for his phone records. Right. I want to take a look at that hotel room myself and talk to Walker. - Go. I'll handle this. - Can you handher? The guy with three ex-wives...
Jermaine, it's okay. Nobody's blaming you for this. He barely touched his burger. He was starving. He hadn't eaten all day. Something big must have interrupted him. Or someone called him on his cellphone. He was a foster kid. He bounced from home to home. No family. So who? Maybe a friend he trusted. Who lured him to ...
Wow, that's impressive. Oh, crap. I've got a flat. Wouldn't be surprised if a gangbanger slashed my tire. Damn. Oh, no. It wasn't slashed. Looks like you ran over a roofing nail. The last time I called peppy road service, it took them like four peppy hours. I'll be here all day. I'll change it for you. No. What? You ...
No, he doesn't. He's just, uh, protective. Why is it men always think that women, we don't know what the hell we're doing? Actually, there are exciting advances in brain mapping and genetic research that prove some stereotypes are true. Really? What, like men are better drivers? Yes. Actually, probably due to testost...
[ Cellphone buzzes ]... Which I'm not filing, because Walker had nothing to do with this. You know, she's very nice if you approach her in the right way. Yeah, I thought so, too, but now I think grizzly bears are nicer. [ Chuckles ] Ursus Horribilis. Grizzly bear. It's a remarkably bad-tempered creature. [ Cellphone ...
- Yeah. It could be payback for all the Metallica concerts he made you take him to. You're right. I nearly forgot. I couldn't hear for three days after that last one. Noise-induced hearing loss. Exposure to noise levels over 85 decibels can cause damage. I missed the beginning of this conversation. What the hell are we...
Puts the bullet in the .38-caliber family. Cheap gun one of Little T's underlings wouldn't mind tossing. Can you help me with his shirt? Yeah, sure. He just wanted to be like Elmore Gregory, you know? Stand up to the bad guy, make the world a better place. "Destiny." A predetermined course of events. Which led him here...
Without my witness. At least you still have the murder weapon. Yeah. We'll get him, Maura. Wooster: At this time, your honor, the defense requests a motion to dismiss. What? He can't do that. On what grounds, your honor? The prosecution can't prove its case. They can no longer produce their witness. Yeah, because you...
That's enough, detective. Please explain, Ms. Delgado. Sergeant Korsak stated he got the information from a person known to the commonwealth. He will be able to produce his confidential informant to the court. Sergeant Korsak? Are you prepared to produce your informant? [ Clears throat ] No, your honor. You have two da...
You didn't have to. Your raised eyebrow said it for you. Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind. Korsak was my partner for years. There is no way he would break the rules. Even for a dirtbag like Little T? Korsak's been after him since he came up to homicide. He finally gets a chance to put him away. Would you blame...
That's just Maura news. Maura: Good news -- undigested ground beef. I can't tell what grade it is. Yippee. Can you tell what market it came from? I'm ignoring you. Sesame seeds, white bread... All undigested. Wait. Dante's food was undige-- that is interesting news. Why? - Hamburger typically takes two hours to dig...
So, the question is, who gave it to him? Yes, and where was he that he felt comfortable enough to suck on a mint? Maybe Dante was meeting a chick. A chick? Frost: He might be right. I mean, what else or who else could have lured him out of the safety of that hotel room? Well, he had no family, no girlfriend, nobody in...
It comes back to Relita Washington. Address is in the Franklin street projects. Gee, that sure looks like a chick. I'm waiting for an apology. Have a seat. You'll be waiting a long time. Again with the rude remarks. That's someone I'd pop a breath mint for. Jane: Relita. Yes? I'm detective Rizzoli. This is detective F...
Were you supposed to meet him last night? No. No way. No, he wasn't leaving that hotel room. He was too afraid Little T's boys would be looking for him. He wasn't going nowhere, especially near the projects. Do you know of anyone he might have talked to, anyone who could have convinced him to leave? The only one he re...
No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I heard he's gonna stop signing soon. What? Oh, no! Maura, come on. Okay. Okay. Come on. Man: Get in the back of the line. Commonwealth business. This is my, uh, coworker. I can't believe it. It's him! Hey, you pinheads. You can't cut. We're patriots on official business, mister. Hi. Wha...
With two z's. Is this beautiful young lady your daughter? Yes. This is Madeline. Oh, I have a daughter, too. Her name is Jane. Detective Jane Rizzoli? Yes, of -- of course you know her. You're covering her case. I'd love to get her on "The Factor." Oh, I'm sure she would love to be your guest. Excellent. Let me give yo...
You call me again, I'll arrest you for harassing a police officer. [ Beep ] Korsak: I said forget it! Delgado: I'd love to, sergeant, but if I "forget it," a murderer walks. How about you do what you've been ordered to do? That doesn't sound good. Okay, read my lips -- I don't know where my C.I. is. Is that clear eno...
Well, I wouldn't say pornography. It's more of a, uh... If you were to shoot, um... Um, oh, God help me, uh, under-boob. (Trombone resumes playing) If I could just see his phone, I can delete them, and I'd be out of here. It's--it's right here. Ugh! I can't believe this. Oh, thank you so much. I never should have let ...
I know you. I'm April. Which calendar? No. April Miller. I went to school with your daughter Kristin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I-I know your dad. He's, um... He's a mechanic. And a good guy, too. Well, you've grown-- you've grown up, you know? Yeah. (Camera shutter clicking) Mike... Mike, what's going on? Where are my Sno-Mo...
I am Outdoor Man. Well, when I came on board, you had one store-- Ed's fishin' hole. Now you have 20. I'd like to think I'm part of that. Well, forget it! I'm not going anywhere! Nobody's taking over, Ed! What's the matter with you? (Clears throat) I had a birthday last week. So what? I forget every year. Well, now I'm...
Okay, Mike. All right, listen. - But I'm not gonna hug you, okay? - Okay. (Laughs) Uh, but somehow, shaking hands doesn't seem quite enough, you know? It's... Well, it is for me. Yeah. Ahh! There we go. Let's do it again. Oh! Oh. At's just-- one more time. Okay! That was enough. That was enough. I still can't beli...
- Nope. - Did he move you to a better station? - No. What do you say you and I go back in an hour and put that chicken bone back in his throat? Right. Um... He gave me this. This is... It's a photo of his 5-year-old son. Oh. Oh. He's cute. Yeah. He said if not for me, this boy wouldn't have a father. And, uh, it mad...
Yeah. But you get used to it. No, I kind of like it. It makes me feel alive. Yeah? So no more good cop/bad cop? Just two old cops walking the beat, too old to care about anything except eating doughnuts, drinking coffee, waiting for our pension. Mm. Sounds good to me. Hey, uh... You wanna do it? You mean go get doughn...
Yeah, well, you'll do anything to usurp me, huh, Mike? You bet I will. Yeah. Huh? (Man cheers) Hey. Isn't that lovely? My own chair. Why don't you give me a gift certificate to my own store? How about--why don't you why don't you wrap up my own shoes? Hey, why don't you put-- here, put this--this ribbon right on top o...
Morning. Uh, coffee will be ready in a minute. Did... Did you want to wait inside? Oh, no. I mean, I'll wait out here. That's fine. I'd just rather not sit, is all. I've been flying for seven hours. Well, not me personally. I was on a plane. I prefer trains though because you can put your stuff on the seat next to y...
Parrish? Reschedule. What would you like the reason to be? Uh, how about because I hate his stupid face and I can't stand his whining. Right, message sent. Oh, no, no, no. I was joking. Oh, yes, of course you were. I totally got that, but I just have to... Give me a second here. Just keep the meeting. What else? Would...
There's nothing we haven't heard of. Right. I encoded some MP3s with it to help me manage anxiety around social situations. It's my own personal recipe for success. Joke. Get it? I get it. Because you're the chef, I work with rockets. You are such a blast. Do you get that? I got it! Joke. I like you. I like you, too...
Because Global Dynamics was one of those agencies. She said no. She turned down a job at G. D? That doesn't happen, ever. According to her files, she likes to work alone. Well, happy to keep it that way. Time to rock the game-face play list. Doc, you may be smart and kind of adorable, but I won't go down without a figh...
Uh, all right. Okay. Okay. Bye, baby. Say bye. Hey. Keep your eye on him. Got it. Bye, baby. Bye. I'll be back tomorrow. Say goodbye. Bye, have a nice trip. Um, I thought you hated '80s music. Well, you know what? I read somewhere that marriage is about compromise. Uh-huh. This smells amazing. What is this all for? Ou...
Looking good, Lupo. I meant the new place. Little small, though. Didn't know you were building a Tardis house. A what? Big on the inside, tiny on the... Never mind. When do you move in? Getting the retinal scans today. Ah, biometric security. Got to love the future. I mean, who needs keys, right? It's not like we we...
I don't care about the stupid protocols, okay? I let him go, and now he's starting to look at me and that... Fargo! Welcome to Global Dynamics, Dr. Marten. I'm Douglas Fargo. Director. Hello. Um, I'm here to... See the FTL drive. Of course. Shall we? Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks. Um, you know, I've been studying the...