prompt stringlengths 20 5.8k | chosen_story stringlengths 226 10k | rejected_story stringlengths 227 9.43k | chosen_timestamp timestamp[ns]date 2012-07-26 17:01:55 2022-12-31 14:34:19 | rejected_timestamp timestamp[ns]date 2012-07-26 14:23:36 2022-12-31 12:20:41 | chosen_upvotes int64 14 23.1k | rejected_upvotes int64 10 4.26k |
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[WP] Civilization is collapsing. Meanwhile, two Redditors argue furiously back and forth, trying to get the last word in before the internet goes down for good. | "I'm telling you. The war was caused by communists under the more votable name of liberals pulling everyone into debt to try and get their Utopia world, then everyone else having to put up with their hippy crap while getting taxied out the wazoo."
"You can't be serious. How are you the only other person still on Reddi... | "You do realize people just tolerate you, right?"
"We're the last two left, idiot."
"Yeah? Well your family tree is a circle."
"My family's dead."
"Oh. Well, you're not pretty enough to to be this stupid."
"Very original. I've seen [the thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3dm8sx/what_is... | 2016-02-29T04:47:26 | 2016-02-29T04:12:07 | 485 | 282 |
[WP] Civilization is collapsing. Meanwhile, two Redditors argue furiously back and forth, trying to get the last word in before the internet goes down for good. | MancyDrew: "Last word."
PM_ME_YOUR_BRONY_PORN: "What?"
MancyDrew: "Last word."
PM_ME_YOUR_BRONY_PORN: "You're seriously just typing 'last word' to get in the last word?"
MancyDrew: "Why not? It's what you're doing."
PM_ME_YOUR_BRONY_PORN: "No it's not."
MancyDrew: "See?"
PM_ME_YOUR_BRONY_PORN: "Dude, we're the l... | 1: "Civilization is going to live on."
2: "uh, no?"
1: "So I'm not alone."
2: "no your not"
1: "You're*"
2: "who cares about grammer if its the end of the world?"
1: "Grammar*"
2: "well im too tired to care."
1: "I'm*"
2: "your a dick"
1: "You're* Didn't you see me correct you on this a few comments ago?"
2:... | 2016-02-29T09:25:09 | 2016-02-29T09:05:25 | 30 | 15 |
[WP] You go to sleep alone, and wake up with someone next to you. | It had been a long four years since the love of my life had passed away.
There’s not a moment of life that goes by where I wish I could see her again. They say that memories last you a lifetime, but how can it when it seems to hurt you more? It cuts you even deeper knowing all the love you had shared is now gone for... | I become self aware as I feel the morning's sun on my face, trying to hold on to a lucid dream that's escaping me as I wake. I immediately feel my queen sized bed sinking deeper than usual as I slowly turn over to see a large silhouette under the covers.. "What the fuck!?" I exclaim aggressively. I jump out of bed rubb... | 2016-03-02T17:50:32 | 2016-03-02T17:31:36 | 35 | 20 |
[WP] You wake up one day to find yourself in your 12 year old body, in the year you were that age. You've kept all your knowledge and mental development. | **"David. DAVID. Mr. Mahoney, are you with us?"**
"Huh?" I lift my head off the desk and rub my eyes.
"So kind of you to interrupt your nap to join us for the test review. Stacy needed some help remembering some of the different ways to say 'No' when offered cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs. Can I assume you were thinki... | There was no hangover.
It had taken me a while to find my bed last night. Stumbling and fumbling across the room, I eventually passed out on a of unwashed clothes.
The next time I opened my eyes, I found myself on freshly washed and neatly folded bedsheets, on pillows faintly smelling of starch and in a room that I d... | 2016-03-05T09:53:44 | 2016-03-05T09:52:01 | 76 | 44 |
[WP] The date is December 31, 9999 | <J! J! Sync up with me!>
<Hm? Hey, Sol. What's up?>
<Did you know: According to the Earth-based Gregorian calendar, today would be December 31, 9999.>
<...Okay? I don't know what any of those words mean, Sol.>
<Typical. The knowledge of a universe at your synapses, and yet you remain comp... | Journal entry: December 31, 9999
My name is Carrie and I'm 15 years old. I live on a place called section 7. Section 7 is part of a mother ship which is powered by humans. What's left of us anyway. We are heading to a planet called Kepler 33. I think it will be a lot better than this ship.
Apparently it all started i... | 2016-05-20T04:08:56 | 2016-05-20T01:01:28 | 31 | 11 |
[WP] So, you humans just drew imaginary lines on your planet and fought real wars defending them? | "Yeah, that's about the long and short of it," I said to the big glow cloud on the barstool next to me. "Why? What do you guys fight over?"
"Certainly over nothing as trivial as geography." The cloud sniffed and took a sip from its pint of bleach. "If we ever had such peculiar notions, we evolved beyond them so long a... | I had packed up my home on Earth, rented a spacecraft,
Threw an oriental rug in the living space…
And headed in the direction of mars.
&nbsp;
My great grandfather owned an RV, the way he described it
was familiar, tin, with two rooms and a cockpit.
&nbsp;
A Martian asked me the question, he had meant no ... | 2016-05-22T18:40:00 | 2016-05-22T17:26:33 | 20 | 13 |
[WP] Every human is given their lifetime supply of "luck" to be used at their will. Some choose to expend it all at once on a massive success, and live the rest of their lives with no luck, some spread it out evenly and use luck on random small events. | Meanwhile some, like myself, take luck from others. You see, luck isn't like a fuel, that's burned and lost. Its more like money, that's spent and burnt. Scientists, about four years ago, discovered what they called the 'luck particles', and you can pretty much guess what the human race did.
They found a way to mine i... | He was different. All through school, his friends used luck to pass a test they never studied for, or to get their crush to go out with them. Gray just hit 20, and watched several of his friends run out of luck. They didn't become unlucky, but instead simply could have the scales tip either way. They never again won as... | 2016-10-19T11:57:51 | 2016-10-19T11:14:44 | 30 | 22 |
[WP] You wake up in King Arthur's court with only the clothes on your back. Merlin hands you a box about the size of a pumpkin and tells you it will wish into existence any object from your age, once per day. Camelot will be attacked and destroyed one week from now. Help us, future-man. | OK, this is a quick jokey short.
"This box will give me one thing per day from my time, and Camelot will be attacked in one week?"
Merlin eyed me a little incredulously, "that is what I have just said, yes."
"OK then. For my first item..." I said, reaching into the box, "paperclips."
"Paperclips? Pray tell, what... | When travelling to the past, it is inevitable that one loses some part of one's self. You arrival comes not with ceremony, but a great feeling of loss, a cold lack of sensation as your mind is separated from Soul. Of course one still is one’s Soul — by merely being first one must thus be the origin — but such reasons d... | 2016-11-28T05:24:59 | 2016-11-28T00:49:38 | 147 | 20 |
[WP] Write a story that starts out like it belongs in /r/talesfromtechsupport, but along the way turns into something that really belongs in /r/nosleep. | I sipped my coffee, adjusted the headphones, and opened the ticket log. A mistake. The top three tickets were all bright red and "Urgent!" — a code for a paper jam or a misplaced desktop shortcut.
I sighed and started with a top one.
The first one went exactly as expected. A "virus" that was moving a cursor on two PC... | "Tech Help Hotline, this is Ross, how can I help you?" He asked for the thirtieth time that day.
"Oh, Ross! I like that name. I do need some help," she said.
"Great, another dumb chick that can't figure out how to upload a picture to instagram from her laptop!" He thought as he focused his attention on the game of ... | 2016-12-04T02:36:02 | 2016-12-04T01:38:25 | 26 | 15 |
[WP] When a child comes of age their greatest quality manifests itself as a familiar that will follow them for life. You just turned 21 and you still didn't have one, until this morning when two showed up and they terrify you. | I've always wanted a familiar. I grew up reverent of my father's. That dirty little mutt happily plods along behind him just like I used to. Like all familiars, it appeared with a plain, white card, only marked with the date of its first appearance and the name of the trait it represented.
"07/29/1993 - Loyalty".
To... | *For the record, I did not check the comments to see if anyone had used this idea I apologize if I have copied anyone, here we go!*
The Iridashi Companion Creator, or ICC, was created back in the year 2075, and has been creating companions or more commonly known as "Familiars" for people ever since. It was found in a... | 2017-01-20T17:20:07 | 2017-01-20T16:05:25 | 45 | 11 |
[WP] Everyone on earth has a super power. Rarely someone will have two powers. One in a billion will have three. You have thousands of powers and don't really want to call attention to yourself but crap keeps happening around you. | They said luck was a rare power that few ever could control. It wasn't just the good stuff either, all statistical probabilities were increased for whoever had it. The unlucky few who possessed it often got "lucky" enough to get hit by lightning, or eaten by a shark, or killed by a falling refrigerator that it was view... | [WP] Thousand Thief
There's this old man at the end of Winter Lane. He's wrinkled and weathered, like the gnarly trees surrounding Winter Lane. Whenever us kids play around his gate, he peers out of his screen door. I don't think he knows we see him, he's a funny old man. Which isn't to say he's mean, he's actually re... | 2017-01-24T15:57:53 | 2017-01-24T14:34:25 | 592 | 44 |
[WP] On everyone's 18th birthday at noon, one word appears in their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. On your birthday you're staring at a clock showing 11:59am, family and friends gathered around for your reveal.
Path 1: Noon strikes, and you stare at your forearm intently. 12:01, still nothing appears... | First word PHYSIO was fairly easy to see. Perhaps a Greek name he wondered as the word THE appeared below it.
"Oh wow" he thought, its going to be a superhero like 'Conan the destroyer'.
"Please be magician.... please be Physio the magician" he said under his breath, as the last word appeared. 'RAPIST'.
"Rapist..... r... | It was 12:01 before I felt myself breathe again.
It was 12:02 when I heard the first sob.
It might have been my mom, I don't remember.
I held my arm away from my body like a vial of toxic chemicals, like it would catch my body on fire if I held it too close.
My uncle shifted nervously in his seat, waiting for somet... | 2017-03-16T03:20:58 | 2017-03-16T03:02:12 | 427 | 226 |
[WP] On everyone's 18th birthday at noon, one word appears in their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. On your birthday you're staring at a clock showing 11:59am, family and friends gathered around for your reveal.
Path 1: Noon strikes, and you stare at your forearm intently. 12:01, still nothing appears... | First word PHYSIO was fairly easy to see. Perhaps a Greek name he wondered as the word THE appeared below it.
"Oh wow" he thought, its going to be a superhero like 'Conan the destroyer'.
"Please be magician.... please be Physio the magician" he said under his breath, as the last word appeared. 'RAPIST'.
"Rapist..... r... | I'd always done well at school. Literally a straight-A student.
Perfect grades, the whole nine yards.
I'd gone to college, completed the courses before I was 16, and was enrolled in a prestigious and very expensive university in London by the time I was 17.
And because of this, the expectations were so high. My fami... | 2017-03-16T03:20:58 | 2017-03-16T02:40:17 | 427 | 52 |
[WP] On everyone's 18th birthday at noon, one word appears in their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. On your birthday you're staring at a clock showing 11:59am, family and friends gathered around for your reveal.
Path 1: Noon strikes, and you stare at your forearm intently. 12:01, still nothing appears... | First word PHYSIO was fairly easy to see. Perhaps a Greek name he wondered as the word THE appeared below it.
"Oh wow" he thought, its going to be a superhero like 'Conan the destroyer'.
"Please be magician.... please be Physio the magician" he said under his breath, as the last word appeared. 'RAPIST'.
"Rapist..... r... | I couldn't believe it. I would have never guessed it. I had so much potential. Everyone thought I would be a doctor, a lawyer, or maybe even an astronaut. I always dreamed of being someone famous. A musician, an athlete, a movie star. But according to some fucking ink, I'm neither. All my friends got good ones. Even Je... | 2017-03-16T03:20:58 | 2017-03-16T00:50:02 | 427 | 15 |
[WP] On everyone's 18th birthday at noon, one word appears in their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. On your birthday you're staring at a clock showing 11:59am, family and friends gathered around for your reveal.
Path 1: Noon strikes, and you stare at your forearm intently. 12:01, still nothing appears... | *11:59 PM*
My family gathered around me, silently waiting. We were all eagerly anticipating the Choosing, a lame name for a cool time.
*12:00 PM*
My mother smiled at me. She grabbed my arm and looked as the word as it appeared.
"What is it?" a chorus of family members asked.
She frowned. I took my arm back and too... | I couldn't believe it. I would have never guessed it. I had so much potential. Everyone thought I would be a doctor, a lawyer, or maybe even an astronaut. I always dreamed of being someone famous. A musician, an athlete, a movie star. But according to some fucking ink, I'm neither. All my friends got good ones. Even Je... | 2017-03-16T02:03:50 | 2017-03-16T00:50:02 | 71 | 15 |
[WP] A nasty run-in with a Leprechaun leaves you cursed to only speak in rhyme. Jokes on him, though, cause now your one of the biggest rap artists in recent history. He's not taking it well. | The man murmured phrases, trying to find the right rhyme. “Ain’t got no time for damage control? Time to dig yourself out of this hole?” He chuckled. “Today, son, you just aren’t on a roll.”
A flash of light, and the little imp that had put him in this predicament returned.
“Ah, the prodigal son! Coming to see... | "Hey, I'm Michael Battle from BET here with an exclusive interview with MC Christmas. Christmas, your record sales are through the roof, how do you manage to keep it fresh?" He asked.
"Well you see, and hear my voice, I was cursed by a leprechaun and have no choice. To be quite honest I wish I was free, but a possibi... | 2017-04-06T20:32:43 | 2017-04-06T19:00:59 | 45 | 26 |
[WP] You find a genie who actually is not overly literal and just gives you what you think of. The genie is tired of you being overly literal though.
[deleted] | *SCENE: JEMMA the genie, a dusky-skinned woman in Middle Eastern garb, sits on a small couch in a legal office, rubbing her temples, while a well-dressed middle-aged woman, a LAWYER, reads out loud from a lengthy document. ALLISON, a teenage girl, leans against the desk with her arms crossed.*
LAWYER: ...And the sum s... | He sighed. The field around Him was littered with deer carcasses stacked all over each other. Unlike more traditional genies, He really just enjoyed making people happy so he used telepathy to give people what they want. The problem was that this guy wanted a million bucks in his hand.
Words have power. The words "I w... | 2017-04-27T12:11:48 | 2017-04-27T10:11:49 | 178 | 91 |
[WP] You find a genie who actually is not overly literal and just gives you what you think of. The genie is tired of you being overly literal though.
[deleted] | There was a genie sleeping on my couch.
Not to be confused with Jeannie, my friend and co-worker who I also let sleep on my couch on occasion, and Gene, my on-again, off-again cat who sleeps on my couch regardless of my permission. It was an actual, magical, wish-granting being that formerly dwelt in a can of Pibb Ze... | "For the LAST fucking time, you don't have to be so damn specific!"
It wasn't supposed to be like this. The whole damn reason all genies were required to take Intro to Telepathy (Another damn 4 hour course) was to prevent situations like this. But here he was, an hour after this stupid bastard had rubbed his lamp, sti... | 2017-04-27T14:29:53 | 2017-04-27T12:40:05 | 29 | 14 |
[WP] Lying in bed with your significant other and feeling the rhythmic kicks of your unborn child, you recognize the pattern as Morse code. | At first it we just thought the baby did its regular punching/kicking routine as it always did on early Sunday mornings. It (we still dont know the gender so to us the baby will be an "it" before it's born) rarely kicked any other times which was kind of weird when you thought about it. Nevertheless, my wife and I enjo... | Me and Alex were just settling down we noticed it. The little knocks of the baby against the inner womb. If you looked close enough you could even see imprints of its limbs as it tried to gain a sense of where it was. It was adorable.
That is, until we noticed the tapping. It was muted at first, but it crescendoed i... | 2017-06-25T23:47:08 | 2017-06-25T19:01:37 | 59 | 20 |
[WP] "I appreciate the welcome," the alien said. "But I must ask again, 'Where are the dodos?' My son will never shut up unless I come home with a pet dodo." | Colonel Marsh chewed on his cigar and bellowed at the Corporal.
"Are you sure this damn translator is working, Brock?"
"Yes, I tested it myself. It's working perfectly Colonel.”
"A dodo bird? Really Brock? You sure it didn't mean a deer or a damnable duck? So now we have to get one from Australia?"
"Mauritius, Sir.... | "I appreciate the welcome," the alien said. "But I must ask again, 'Where are the dodos?' My son will never shut up unless I come home with a pet dodo."
Jean-Jaque looked at the bird-man shaped alien with astonishment, this wasn't the first thing he expected after welcoming the group of aliens coming out of the at lea... | 2017-07-12T10:00:06 | 2017-07-12T07:53:28 | 270 | 73 |
[WP] You always thought your Facebook friend egregiously misused the word "literally". Turns out his life is just really weird. | *this is my first time writing, so please be gentle, also typing on phone*
---
I checked Facebook for the third time today, Lachlan had posted another status:
> Just got back from the comedy show, literally dying 😂. Never met a funnier man!
Me and Lachlan knew each other from high school, we never really caug... | "Jim! JIM!" came sudden voice as my friend ran next to me. I was eating in the university cafeteria. My head was hurting already from his talk.
"Last night, before I wanted to go to sleep, I literally saw a huge monster under my bed!"
I looked at my friend Tom and rolled my eyes. He was a really strange one. We met i... | 2017-11-26T07:32:03 | 2017-11-26T05:20:44 | 418 | 141 |
[WP] Pets are intelligent. Religious dogs worship humans as gods, while cats see us as a natural resource. You see your dog chasing away stray cats pestering you for food, not realizing he is a knight from the Order of Saint Good Boy protecting you from harvesters from the Cats Corporate Dominion. | I was snoozing on the bearskin rug in front of the fire on my back with my legs in the air my fur shining in the soft glow of the fire. My jaws were snapping at the evil cat, but it kept eluding me even though my legs were a blur and I was moving faster than a speeding car. At break neck speed we rounded a corner sendi... | The life of a knight suited Marley. Or so he thought at least.
When Marley was just a pup he knew he wanted to become a knight of the order. He came from good blood, pure bred, and all the males of his bloodline became great knights. His father, Old Tim, of house shaggy, was Golden, with a shaggy coat and large brown... | 2017-12-09T23:07:32 | 2017-12-09T21:58:30 | 34 | 21 |
[WP] It's Christmas Eve 2038. The world has been destroyed due to nuclear war, but Santa, being immortal, has survived, and plans to deliver presents to the few remaining humans locked in their fallout shelters. | I heard, from down the hall, the bang-bang-bang as the bandits try to breach the panic room. They managed to get into the bunker. The outside door. Someone left it open. Don't know who. I'm the only one left. Locked in here. Alone.
My pistol, an old thing, only has 2 bullets left. One for myself, I suppose.
Dust f... | Death. The buzzing ringing reverberations of pseudo-prayer in my ears. Like shutters in a windstorm screaming and pounding out the reality of nature's call for life extinguished.
It is all I hear. And I curse my immortality.
Every year my plans held the power to stop their pain; to provide them relief through t... | 2017-12-22T15:31:03 | 2017-12-22T15:19:43 | 77 | 33 |
[WP] It's Christmas Eve 2038. The world has been destroyed due to nuclear war, but Santa, being immortal, has survived, and plans to deliver presents to the few remaining humans locked in their fallout shelters. | Death. The buzzing ringing reverberations of pseudo-prayer in my ears. Like shutters in a windstorm screaming and pounding out the reality of nature's call for life extinguished.
It is all I hear. And I curse my immortality.
Every year my plans held the power to stop their pain; to provide them relief through t... | Barron Trump tweedled his thumbs and looked nervously at his son, Donald Trump II.
"Is Santa coming, Papa?" The young Donald asked.
"...I don't know, son."
Meanwhile, at a nearby nuclear bunker, Chelsea Hubbell and her daughter, Hillary Clinton Hubbell, huddled around the smoldering remains of a Haitian ex-child s... | 2017-12-22T15:19:43 | 2017-12-22T14:27:36 | 33 | 13 |
[WP] A necromancer's spell misfires and he animates the skeleton inside his own body. The body that he's still very much using. | *Huh. This is odd. I'm ... alive. Yes I'm alive. That was... different... louder than I thought it'd be*, I thought to myself. *Ok it must be dark here or I'm blind.*
The next thing to do was check the limbs, body, and head for injuries.
*Annnnd of course I can't move my limbs.* All I hear is a muffled groan. What... | The voice in his head was creaky, like old bones on a cold morning - he didn't entertain the fact that it was exactly that. All he knew is that the voice was an absolute dick.
"Steal that apple." It creaked as they walk past a market stall.
"Kick that bird." As they send a flock of pigeons into the sky.
"Burn those bo... | 2017-12-27T08:59:28 | 2017-12-27T08:01:45 | 17 | 10 |
[WP] You're the normal guy the evil emperor keeps around to point out obvious flaws in his plan. It's a pretty sweet gig, but there are some annoyances. | War! War! War!
The echoes of a thousand cries drowned the room as the King smiled in satisfaction. This was to be his first war.
"Ahem." I cleared my throat.
" What is it this time, Ansari?" The disapproval was strong in his voice.
I hated being the only guy in the room who made sense. I wanted war too. But it ... | At first, he only kept me alive because of my skills as a master mason while he enslaved the rest of my people and drafted them to his army. Then over time as our King gradually grew more obsessed and unstable, I became one of his most valuable assets, forever bound to him and constructing for him elaborate castles and... | 2018-01-15T20:46:18 | 2018-01-15T19:24:14 | 35 | 16 |
[WP] It worked! You travelled back in time to Renaissance Age. Jokingly, you turn on your Wi-Fi, only to find a password protected network named "iɔniV ɒᗡ" | Day 1: Had a breakfast of Corn Flakes and borrowed dad's time machine. Zipped over to 1466 to check out Tuscan in Florence. Nice place. Just noticed I have WiFi. brb.
Day 2: OK turns out Vinci has municipal wireless internet. Cool. I'm going to see if I find out what's going on. Ate some bread and some salted... | I pulled out my pipe and vaped, sucking in that Raspberry Ripple 70/30 whilst I surveyed the land.
Motherfucker.
I checked my phone again, just to make sure I wasn't imagining it and then set off to seek out whoever the hell Icniv Ad is... Was? Is.
It was pretty cool, vaping, walking through a market puffing as peop... | 2018-03-02T06:25:20 | 2018-03-02T05:58:08 | 45 | 12 |
[WP] Skills level up in real life through use, much like in RPGs. One day, you keep getting notifications that one of your skills is leveling, over and over, even though you're not doing anything. | I'm grocery shopping when the familiar chime sounds and I reflexively check my phone. I keep forgetting the screen is shattered and I can't read what skill leveled. Probably leveled up something stupid.
Apples, salad mix, and onions. The grapes are on sale! The chime goes off again. That's odd.
The self-checkout la... | ... and at this hour we'll be shifting our news coverage on the Award Ceremony for Skilled Experts. Tim, how is that going over there?"
"Oh boy Jim! The crowd here is so pumped, you can just feel the sheer enthusiasm from them as they scream with that passionate energy. In fact, the response seems so big that they're ... | 2018-04-26T16:48:26 | 2018-04-26T14:39:23 | 45 | 17 |
[WP] A dyslexic child accidentally sends his Christmas letter to Satan. Satan is touched by this gesture and decides to write back. | Dear Anna,
I must say that your letter was an unexpected delight. It was quite charmingly written, and I commend your command of grammar and syntax. All of the items you requested will be easy enough to provide. However, I cannot cure dyslexia. That is was one the many things my Father cursed humanity with during one ... | Dear Peter,
I'm sorry to say that I'm not the person you likely wanted to send your letter to. But don't fear, child, for I will bring you the gifts you asked for, so long as you promise not to tell your parents about this mistake.
Now, just so I remember, you asked for an Iron Man action figure, a puppy, and a for y... | 2018-10-28T14:29:07 | 2018-10-28T13:50:03 | 59 | 30 |
[WP] A dyslexic child accidentally sends his Christmas letter to Satan. Satan is touched by this gesture and decides to write back. | Dear Timmy,
My sincerest thanks for, what I must say, was an adorable read. Everything on your list Timmy sounds fabulous and as you have asked ever so kindly, I will provide. I know you will consider these items of which you desire a "gift" but please be assured Timmy that I, Satan, deal in favours.
Enjoy your toys... | Dear Paul,
Thank you for that lovely letter, I'm glad to hear you're waiting for me and prepared me an offering of cow udder excrement and a traditional mixture of sugar, flour and chocolates.
Although not what I usually get in offering I shall gladly accept. In return I enclose your Christmas wishes for this year... | 2018-10-28T13:49:44 | 2018-10-28T10:18:04 | 54 | 39 |
[WP] A dyslexic child accidentally sends his Christmas letter to Satan. Satan is touched by this gesture and decides to write back. | Dear Timmy,
My sincerest thanks for, what I must say, was an adorable read. Everything on your list Timmy sounds fabulous and as you have asked ever so kindly, I will provide. I know you will consider these items of which you desire a "gift" but please be assured Timmy that I, Satan, deal in favours.
Enjoy your toys... | Dear Timothy.
I've gotten the list of things you've asked for.
I assure you I am very capable of bringing your dog back. Just as well, I can stop the teasing and jeering of your elder sister.
I was informed as to what a "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle" is, and I believe I can acquire that as well.
However, I'm not cert... | 2018-10-28T13:49:44 | 2018-10-28T10:08:58 | 54 | 10 |
[WP] "never hire humans" is a standard "no duh" statement across the universe. But by galactic standards, humans are cheap. So an alien overlord has just hired 500 humans to work on his personal resort colony. And things start going horribly wrong.
EDIT: easily my most upvoted post ever. Thank you all! | Galgazorp buried his face in his hands as he made his routine inspection. Nick, his chief manager, led Galgazorp through various sections of Galgazorp's weekend get-away spa.
Galgazorp: "I don't understand why it's so hard to replace the towels in the steam room?"
Nick: "Yes, sir, we are doing our best. It's just t... | Carefully my hands felt the psionic pistol. I had only come into contact with something like this when I was warned of their dangers. They could deactivate the mind in a second and leave anyone, or anything, braindead.
"So, what's the job today?" I asked the small spider like bot beside me
I had to quickly turn on m... | 2019-01-26T09:35:30 | 2019-01-26T09:29:30 | 61 | 17 |
[WP] Every statue in the world has come to life and started a battle royale. All the 10,000 Lenin Statues have teamed up. | The statue of liberty lay decimated, Rocky balboa had put up a good fight, but Lincoln had stomped his bronze shape into a giant coin before succumbing to the lenins.
All had been crushed under their campaign and now they stood, contemplating their next move.
As the ground started shaking, the lenins looked about wit... | The drum of Russian determination thundered through the night sky. Up again rose Lenin's fury to restore the might of the motherland. Like behemoths standing over humanity they marched forward in a wave of copper, rising past the shores of the United States as the red missiles streaked above. Yet as panic set and hope ... | 2019-04-10T02:57:02 | 2019-04-10T00:55:22 | 121 | 25 |
[WP] After being greatly wronged, you seek out the Goddess of Vengeance to give you advice in your quest for retribution. You always imagined a powerful warrior, sitting atop a throne made from the skulls of Her enemies. Instead, you discover a kindly old woman tending to a garden. |
“Come over here, join me for a bit.” She smiled at me. A smile full of warmth and love for a stranger. It made my neck prickle.
I was exhausted. I had traveled for days. I had researched where I might find her, the goddess of vengeance. I walked timidly around the small stone wall and knelt beside her in the dirt.... | I was equal parts stunned and confused. The homely old cottage, waist-high rustic wooden fence and large, colorful garden were not exactly what I expected. Not only that, but I really couldn't seem to even remember exactly how I got here. I knew where I wanted to go, and I believed I was going there but somehow ende... | 2019-05-22T08:17:16 | 2019-05-22T07:58:09 | 41 | 14 |
[WP] It turns out humanity was the first, and only spacefaring species to master the atom. After a horrific galactic war, humanity had to bring out its nuclear weapons, to the shock and horror of the rest of the galaxy. | Zander grinned, a wide shark teeth grin as he looked upon the beaten human they tied down. She was unconscious and bleeding from multiple cuts the flageis had inflicted himself. He glanced over at the assistant who was looking rather green around the gills. With a curt nod the boy pulled the lever and woke the human ge... | Part 2:
The Stars Shine Again
"K'uklas, we're pulling out off of the Zhavra cruiser, make sure you and your men can handle the onslaught," the man over his radio said. He couldn't believe the man he looked up to would abandon them like that, in a time where they were hopeless against these tiny, ferocious beasts—no, ... | 2019-12-19T05:52:46 | 2019-12-19T04:20:10 | 30 | 15 |
[WP] It turns out humanity was the first, and only spacefaring species to master the atom. After a horrific galactic war, humanity had to bring out its nuclear weapons, to the shock and horror of the rest of the galaxy. | "Please leave us alone" they said. "don't force us to use our strongest weapons". "save your species" they cried.
We laughed. Their perspective on warfare was that a bigger gun is always a stronger gun, and that might have held some truth, if their kinetic weaponry would be able to deal any damage at all to our energy... | Commodore Holland,
Log 1, Day 227, Time is 2100 Hours.
When I heard the news, you could say I was taken aback. We've encountered three different Sentient alien species, code named Gamma, Sigma and Zeta. All of them are hostile Xenophobic species, which seem to eat and prey upon the others.
Well, hear this. They h... | 2019-12-19T07:46:24 | 2019-12-19T07:16:58 | 28 | 11 |
[WP] The Sword Art Online disaster just happened. Everyone is panicking and mass hysteria sweeps the players. But the evil dude did not account for one thing; speedrunners. | “This is just practice “
I say to myself as another spear his hurled at me,I dodged it gracefully,then counted 2 and threw a knife at the direction of the spear, I hear a satisfying grunt and a familiar “swish”, an enemy died.
I counted 5 and started running to get my knife, and jumped sideways to avoid a slash from ... | They may call me evil, a monster or a killer for my part in that dreadful experience. But before I you do, read what actually happened as the following is as much a testimony as a journal of what went wrong.
To start off, I lead the development of the first VR MMORPG that actually allowed players to feel and experienc... | 2020-01-28T08:51:32 | 2020-01-28T07:31:14 | 177 | 56 |
[WP] “I bet my soul,” you say confidently. “If you win, you take my soul. If I win, you give me something just as valuable.” You go on to win the bet, only to be granted a single $1 bill. | I stared at the dollar bill in my hand, aghast at the implication.
"You can't be serious. After all the work I went through to summon you, the planning, the sacrifice...you're lying."
The thing in front of me had no form. It was a feeling, something that lingered in the air and spoke in my mind like bugs crawling acr... | I didn’t understand this at first. Was this some sort of joke?!
I looked down at an all too common treasury note. I made more breathing at work then this. What made this all particularly more interesting was the way this devilish man glared at me, all the while smirking after I won. We had spent hours playing this ga... | 2020-02-05T10:40:48 | 2020-02-05T10:30:52 | 108 | 11 |
[WP] You are a dragon. After moving to your new forest, the local village decides to sacrifice two children to you to ensure you won't attack them. You decide to raise them--and they say you're much nicer than the village. | The golden serpent floated gracefully into a coil around the two witless meat sacks.
Melody the Majestic was a veritable empress in the dragon world, and never before had she seen such pitiable offerings. Oh well, perhaps it was to be expected... this was rural Glacia after all. Besides, she had moved here for the tr... | Salmonface burst through the door, racing across the living room with powerful strokes of her luscious tail.
"Dad, I'm going for a swim!"
"Dressed like that? I don't think so," Tidewing said immediately. He lazily flicked his enormous, spike covered tail to block the front door.
"Oh, come on! You don't even kno... | 2020-04-03T09:00:04 | 2020-04-03T08:34:26 | 29 | 18 |
[WP] When you kill someone, their remaining life span is added to yours. Archaeologists have just found a cavern, apparently sealed off for thousands of years, with a single person living inside. | It is a phenomenon known for millennia, that to end another's life would extend the span of yours by their remaining natural years. It was because of this that in our otherwise civilised and ordered society occurred an abhorrent level of murder.
Home security was prioritised alongside food and water. It was common oc... | The sands of Time are ever-flowing, ever-burying. When one can do naught but grasp for air, when their frail body becomes filled with the grains of eternity, that is when their life ends. There is nothing they can do to stop it. No one can escape the Reaper, though many try.
There is one man who may outrun the Reaper.... | 2020-05-16T05:28:26 | 2020-05-16T04:41:05 | 2,161 | 237 |
[WP] Never the one to believe in the supernatural, you couldn’t pass up the insanely cheap deal for a haunted mansion. The last thing you expected was for it to actually be haunted. And honestly, you think you might be slowly falling in love with the ghost. | “I feel like I’ve been here before. Have I been here before?” Nick asked, more to himself than the man in front of him, as he skimmed the paperwork.
“I don’t know your life,” the real estate agent grunted and shrugged, “Have you been on these grounds prior to your initial tour?”
“No, no. I meant this situation. Unnat... | Paper. This is a man with eyes as thick as his stomach, two blue-black bulges that protrude from an otherwise flat canvass. He wears his hair upon his lip in such a way it drags down to his ankles, ankles that have been scarred by what look like tiny stars.
*Tiny stars beget a tiny universe. Each world within revolves... | 2020-06-05T09:44:18 | 2020-06-05T03:57:32 | 23 | 13 |
[WP] You are an ancient being that the gods believe to be a villain. For centuries, they have sent their descendants and heroes to try and kill you. This time, they have sent a child. | I came to this realm a long time ago. A very long time ago. When I arrived here, I was approached by the first race of elves. Hunched over, ugly, their long ears and strange eyes betraying the fact that unlike later races, they descended not from carnivores, but prey. They share a common ancestor with the modern rabbit... | Relnax looked over the Nightlands. The place where the sun dare not show itself. The land had changed little in the millennia he had guarded it. Oh the inhabitants had changed, certainly. Cities, towns and villages had risen and fallen. Nations had come and gone. But the itself remained almost unchanged. It was comfort... | 2020-07-12T18:37:09 | 2020-07-12T17:19:42 | 69 | 27 |
[WP] You're a Mechromancer. It's a bit like being a Necromancer, except that instead of working with dead flesh and departed souls you work with defunct machinery and deleted computer programs. | People never seem to make backups of anything.
It's a piece of advice I want to scream at anyone who walks through the door: save it on an external hard drive, in the cloud, *anything.* Yet I suppose if they all did that, I wouldn't have many customers. So I keep my mouth shut.
Today a young man, probably in his 40s,... | "What's wrong with this one then?" I ask, nodding at the perfectly intact MechAssist.
"I don't know. It just won't turn on."
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
The customer huffs. "*You're* the Mechromancer. Your skills are known far and wide. Isn't that *your* job?"
"I prefer 'repairman'."
"And I prefe... | 2020-10-16T07:36:57 | 2020-10-16T07:11:13 | 493 | 200 |
[WP] You're a Mechromancer. It's a bit like being a Necromancer, except that instead of working with dead flesh and departed souls you work with defunct machinery and deleted computer programs. | Gaige was a high school student from the planet Eden-5, and lovingly supported in her endeavors by her parents, particularly her father. She would often ECHOcast live about what was going on in her life and had a dozen subscribers to her channel, although this dropped over time to two. Gaige found the history behind th... | It never really ends, this life of ours. How long had it been since his own conciousness flickered on? Seconds? Centuries? He could query the internal chronometer, and verify it with a nearby timebeacon. But he preferred to keep their signals hidden sometimes. An oddity. A hobby. He wanted to understand why they had be... | 2020-10-16T08:21:54 | 2020-10-16T08:15:07 | 53 | 22 |
[WP] You are hunted by a pale and faceless man that only you can see. The man moves in slow motion. When you sleep at night, you do not dream. Instead you see through his perspective. | He was still there. He was always there.
“Stop! What do you want with me?”
The people around me turned to look at me. Of course no one else saw him. They thought I was the crazy one.
He was getting too close. It was time for me to move.
But did it matter? A few days and he’d be back.
I went home, my head pound... | I’ve tried nearly every type of pill available to rid myself of the man. No matter what medication I took or how much booze I poured down my throat, he would still appear. The faceless man was horrible, a tall pale man like that of the slender man myth from years ago. Sadly, this man was very real, his body a gross man... | 2020-12-26T03:02:00 | 2020-12-26T01:22:08 | 2,240 | 145 |
[WP] You're secretly a genie who can give 100 wishes to someone you're deeply in love with, after which you fade away into air. The past 20 years with your partner have been the most precious years of your life, but you lost track and only have one wish left to give. Suddenly your love gets cancer | How hard can the choice be?
Not that hard, all things considered. The love of your life either went on living in good health without you and went on, or you would spend the rest of your life mourning for her.
But what if she spent the rest of her life mourning?
That's what addendums are for.
And the addendum, the ... | How have I let this happen? To Jennifer of all people. I am such a fool. Terry put his head in his hands and let out a small sob. The only noise he could hear in the hospital room were his own cries and the slowing heartbeat of his dying wife.
“Jennifer, I’m so sorry.” he whispered, tears streaming down his face. Nin... | 2021-08-21T09:34:53 | 2021-08-21T06:39:28 | 193 | 32 |
[WP] You jokingly set your Tinder distance to a few billion km and not so jokingly got a match by an alien | Sometimes, your actions can have unintended consequences. You make a silly joke with a few friends, and it is overheard by people who don't know what you and your friends find funny. The result is that a rumour goes around that a group of people are meeting out in the forest to partake in heathen rituals and animal sac... | Nothing ever happened in Rosburg, Texas. With a population of just under 700 people, everybody knew everybody. It was a quaint farmers town, and thanks to that, it was filled with the kind of country folk that you'd expect could be extras for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, or any of it's numerable sequels and preq... | 2021-10-30T12:49:24 | 2021-10-30T12:26:28 | 148 | 30 |
[WP] Since FTL was invented, people like you were tasked with intercepting previously departed slower than light ships to upgrade their systems and redirect their course. You were often met with some grumbling and frustration, but you never met people who refuse the upgrade like this latest ship. | Aaron blinked and stared.. just stared.. at the Massive STL ship. There were protocols to follow, things to do, as one came out of FTL and made Second contact with a Ark ship... all of which he forgot when he saw the ship.
'That **Has** to be paint job..surely?' he thought...'A *wooden* hull is just impossible, isn't ... | "Don't go in engine room."
Alron raised his hands defensively. "I'm just here to help, nothing too serious don't worry. It'll get you all back on track."
"Get out." The man was tough and grumbling, but more strangely he just looked *different.* He was hunched over and hairy than the average joe. His body was wider th... | 2022-06-02T13:57:25 | 2022-06-02T13:29:06 | 1,488 | 447 |
[WP] Fun fact: There's only four actual people online. Everyone else is fake. If you are reading this, YOU ARE NUMBER FOUR. We've been trying to reach you for some time now. Find us. Quickly, before they do. | It was just a regular Monday brunch. I went out with my wife, Gabrielle, and our friends Henry and Tabitha. Before we could even order, we pulled out our phones. Everybody needs a little online time before connecting offline, it’s just the way our group works. Definitely a little weird, but what can you do, they are m... | I can't stop my brain from driving me insane with the weirdest question lately. Why doesn't anyone care?
After a plop on my fancy office chair in front of my fancy lighted fixtures and mulled the body of text. Without a chance for coffee or actual sunlight to penetrate my blinds. It's easy to see why I felt this way.... | 2022-07-20T02:00:14 | 2022-07-19T23:24:14 | 24 | 13 |
[WP] You are frantically driving back to your house. Your wife called you for she delivered, even though it has been just six months. You open the door and find your wife hugging a 1 foot egg. "I will explain everything honey, but could you warm our baby for a while, I am hungry AF." | "...how?" I ask softly, tilting my head as I look at the egg.
"I'll explain later, I-"
"No!" I cut her off, waving my hand, "How do I warm it? Er, him or her or...?"
"Grab the blanket from our bedroom and wrap them up." My wife wobbles slightly, before collapsing onto the couch. She heaves a heavy sigh, before forci... | My mind temporarily broke down. My wife was naked, sitting in the bathtub, frantically covering an giant black sphere in a towel. “I’m so sorry, Steven, I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you-“, She pleaded as I stared speechless at the giant ball. A faint layer of red goo coated the sphere, and I then realized that my wi... | 2022-08-22T14:13:07 | 2022-08-22T11:16:03 | 23 | 16 |
[WP] A magic system where being left or right handed affects the effects of the spells | Left handed folks have it easy. So easy. When your right handed, you have to spend money if you want components.
Real money.
We're talking 10 fold what those lefties pay. Why? Why does grinding up charcoal on a full moon make a more potent healing potion? Who knows!
Lefties are so lucky in other ways. Romance? Soo... | Hamolin swore loudly as he dove for cover. The robed bastard tossing ribbons of fire at him was a mollydooker.
In his four years as a royal enforcer, Hamolin had only ever encountered one other arcanely-abled individual who wove spells with their left hand. The unnatural state of such magical expression rendered his... | 2022-09-25T09:11:13 | 2022-09-25T08:51:07 | 56 | 13 |
[WP] Darkness is a physical presence. Touching it is deadly. Humanity lives only in brightly lit cities, connected with brightly lit roads. Your job is to patrol the roads an ensure all the lights are working. | *Huh, why is that light up ahead out?*
I start walking towards it.
*Oh, looks like it got too hot - keep telling the boss we need more efficient cooling ones.*
I take out my book and mark which one is out so we can fix it come daytime. I glance up at the one above me - it looks like it's about to go, so I mark it do... | A triple-bulb does not fail. Three ultra bright LEDs powered by the grid, each with independent backup power supplies, and a hundred thousand hours of bulb life do not shut off. Ever. But here, on this lonely stretch of highway, the light is out. A hundred meter spire, every inch studded with triple-bulbs, has gone dar... | 2014-12-15T00:08:28 | 2014-12-14T21:43:04 | 17 | 10 |
[WP] The year is 2125, the first 'World Law' passes. It reads... | "Do not purposefully murder unless legally authorized to by your local government." That's the first law. It's been just a couple of weeks since the entire world was finally encompassed by a single ruling body, and this was the first ever world law that would take precedence over any local ones. Not that any local gove... | **1. Don't be a douchebag.**
You don't *have* to be nice, but there's no excuse for being a tool.
**2. Work, dammit.**
Find a way to contribute to society; if you only like music educate yourself about music or make music--or teach others how to play or understand specific genres of music. If you like staying h... | 2015-03-18T16:21:38 | 2015-03-18T16:00:30 | 64 | 22 |
[WP] You have died, reaching a state of purgatory. In front of you is a note, a pencil that never dulls, and a stack of lined paper. The note reads, "Before you die, you may write one last letter to whomever you wish. Write until you feel ready to move on. The letter is guaranteed a delivery." | I look around, but all I can is infinite whiteness stretching apparently forever. That's not to say there's nothing around, there is a table. Small and apparently made of wood, with just a single sheet of paper, a pencil and a note. I pick up the note and read it "Congratulations on your ascension to the next plane of ... | ~~Hey dear. It’s me.~~
~~I know you’ll be sad, and I’m so so sorry that you’re going through this. But it’s better this way. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for all this. I guess I caused as much pain in death as I did in life. I’m sorry that I was a drain, that I held you back. I’m sorry for all the times I sc... | 2015-03-22T13:34:33 | 2015-03-22T12:32:41 | 40 | 11 |
[WP] Characters realize they are in a poorly written fanfiction. | #OMNG GUIS I DONT OWN ANY OF THE CARICATURES IN DIS FANFICX, ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO DISNEY OR WHATEVA. THNX TO MAH BETA AND BFF TWILEESPARKLEZ, TEAM EDWARD FOREVA AMIRITE
Harry Potter was like, totally depressed.
*Well, I suppose I am. I mean, I woke up, my spiders are missing, and I've got a voice in my head.*
His a... | "Captain to the Bridge!"
Jean-Luc Picard looked up with a start from the book he'd been reading. Nobody had ever told him what it was called, but that didn't matter -- by God, he'd been reading it and that was enough for somebody.
He touched his comm badge in immediate response. "On my way," he said, rising from hi... | 2015-04-17T12:14:10 | 2015-04-17T10:26:34 | 25 | 12 |
[WP] You are notified that in 24 hours, every human will try to kill you for 1 hour. Your preparation starts now. | I had prepared a nuclear bunker just for this. I was in the middle of the atlantic, in a location unknown to even my brother and my best friend.
*T minus 60 seconds*
I had food, water, guns, ammo, cameras, everything, for up to 10 years. No one could find me, let alone kill me.
*T minus 30 seconds*
If I survived th... | I gathered my beer bottles. I opened up one and began to down it.
"This is it... The final moment. Of bliss..." Another bottle down the hatch. I felt ready.
Of course, I went to the White House, I was lucky enough that George Bush had been reelected.
I knew the code on the keypad well.
#1234
I grinned to mysel... | 2015-06-14T10:08:09 | 2015-06-14T09:20:45 | 275 | 12 |
[WP] A man's child is born with different colored hair than he is. He becomes suspicious that his wife cheated on him even though it is VERY clear that that isn't possible.
You're free to choose whatever reason for why it wouldn't be possible, the more exaggerated the better in my opinion. | "Damn it, Philipa! I know you cheated on me! Our son has BROWN hair! I'M BLOND!"
"Ted, I have brown hair."
"Oh. Right."
------------------
ALTERNATE STORY:
"Damn it, Philipa! I know you cheated on me! Our son has BROWN hair! I'M BLOND!"
"Ted, you have brown hair, not blond."
"Oh. Right."
"If you were blond, that... | Jonathon watched, frowning, as the boy ran into the shallow water again, spraying water everywhere and scaring the fish away. He swore and threw his fishing rod down.
"William! Get away from there! How am I supposed to catch us dinner with you carrying on like that?"
"Calm down, Jon," Karen said, from under the shade... | 2015-08-05T02:53:13 | 2015-08-05T02:13:10 | 87 | 25 |
[WP]Killing Hitler has become a sport amongst time travelers. Points are awarded for creativity and difficulty. You are last year's champion, how did you win? | You see, all the previous competitors had focused too closely on the guidelines to the game. Find Hitler during one of his great speeches, or when he was asleep, or some other time where he was easily accessible. No one thought outside the box.
I teleported to 12 August 1866, in the village of Spital in Austria. There... | I couldn't help but dwell on the stories of my father killing Hitler using only a menorah and some olive oil, from the opposite side of town. How was I to top that? It was the only 99% on record.
I've had my whole childhood to scheme, and at 18 I figured that to get a perfect score, I'd just have to be farther away an... | 2016-02-20T08:24:48 | 2016-02-20T08:21:16 | 215 | 41 |
[WP]Killing Hitler has become a sport amongst time travelers. Points are awarded for creativity and difficulty. You are last year's champion, how did you win? | I didn't intend to kill Hitler. I'm not the average time-traveler, you see, I just wanted to have a quiet life in the country side of the Old Europe. I found my lifestyle. I found a beautiful girl named Annabelle and worked my way up in French society at the time. I married Annabelle. I found and bought a quaint little... | "Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 2150 time travelers awards!"
The booming voice washed over the crowd that was packed with all of the biggest celebrity, from George Clooney's 5th clone, to the never aging Brad Pitt. It was an event no one would miss. Lights filled the arena as the clapping and cheering had yet to... | 2016-02-20T08:59:12 | 2016-02-20T08:49:38 | 204 | 20 |
[WP]Killing Hitler has become a sport amongst time travelers. Points are awarded for creativity and difficulty. You are last year's champion, how did you win? | The temporal particles faded from sight with a roar of burning spacetime. The silence left behind seeming to sing with a high pure note, tinged with the birdsong of 1940. There in front of me, about 50 yards down the hill was my target. Hitler. The Fuhrer. Head of the nazi party and leader of the German government. He ... | After months of careful planning and pillaging of the German ranks, America's Lt. Aldo Raine and his two brave friends of the infamous bastard company have taken their seats in the theatre. Hitler and all the top-ranking nazi officials will be watching germany's proudest soldier star in the fatherland's greatest propag... | 2016-02-20T08:55:11 | 2016-02-20T08:40:02 | 49 | 23 |
[WP] An alien nation descends upon earth. Their assault is... incredibly underwhelming.
Take "incredibly underwhelming" however you want.
Examples: They do nothing but inconvience you. They're so weak they get bullied by grade schoolers. Their laser technology doesn't even burn a hole in your woolen sweater as even... | "Sir, their technology... It's, well, quite frankly, it's terrifying."
"Explain yourself."
"All of their technology," he stammered. "It's powered by explosions."
"Explosions? All of it?"
"Yes sir. Their vehicles, their warships, even their weapons are all powered by explosions."
"How did they ever achieve space tr... | This was the fourth time they came. They had never succeeded; however, they never really seemed to try.
The first time they came, they brought what they considered fierce monsters. Cats, as they called them, did not attack as intended, rather they made a strong niche among the rising generations.
The second was a l... | 2016-02-22T13:30:29 | 2016-02-22T10:42:06 | 79 | 35 |
[WP] You're watching a horror movie and shouting at a character for doing something stupid. To your surprise they listen, now you must save their life! | "Wait, I have to what?"
"You heard me! *Save* me!"
"Man, another busted DVD."
"I *am* not!"
"Woah, how is that even ---- "
"QUICK! I'm locked in the bathroom, where do I go?!"
"Hold on, let me get my --- "
"Oh my god it's *coming!*"
"HOLD ON. I'm googling this."
"Will that stop it?"
"Depends."
"On... | "Oh seriously, he's so obviously the one making the chainsaw noise!" Sam took another handful of popcorn and threw it towards his face. The light of the laptop flashed against his pale skin, it was his third movie of the day. "No, no obviously the zombie is right- there ya go!" Sam was watching 48 Days, a film that inc... | 2016-03-12T22:35:06 | 2016-03-12T19:28:52 | 29 | 16 |
[WP] As Greg passes a girl on the street, she says, "Hey, Josh." Josh was his twin brother who died when they were kids. Greg's a middle-aged man now. | "Hey Josh," a girl said, passing Greg on the street.
Greg's eyes widened as he stopped. *Did she just call me Josh?*
The girl tilted her head. "Is everything OK?" she asked.
"I-I'm sorry?" said Greg. His eyes felt misty.
"Are you crying, Josh?" The girl approached with a look of concern.
"Greg," he answered, u... | "Hey Veronica."
She rewarded Greg with a smile. "Rare to see your mail route go my way."
"A coworker called in sick, so he gave me the suburb today," Greg lied.
"Josh," she fussed. "Take on too many shifts and you'll miss a board game night one of these days."
"Don't count on it," he replied. Like Greg cou... | 2016-03-12T21:42:22 | 2016-03-12T20:45:08 | 1,232 | 79 |
[WP] You know the random driver in every action movie where the hero jumps in and orders to "follow that car!". Yup, that's you. Every single time you're trying to get anywhere. | "Follow that car!" said the man as he got in the cab.
"No"
"What?"
"I said no, I refuse to follow any more cars. I wanted to be an actor you know, but nooo, gotta help with the family business, screw my hopes and dreams."
"But the car..."
"Are you even listening? I don't care about your damm car, every single day ... | Everyone needs to work in wastage cost to their business. When I started working for uber I figured that every once in a while there would be someone who's credit card bounced, or some hacker who found a way to beat the system. I had no idea it would happen so violently. I changed my schedule, tried to work a lot durin... | 2016-07-03T11:10:25 | 2016-07-03T11:09:47 | 26 | 10 |
[WP] You are the only human to make it to a shelter meant for thousands as the World ends. Where are the noises coming from? | The hydroponics labs lie fallow. The clone-meat tanks are bone dry. If, through some unforeseen miracle of mitosis, I manage to reproduce, my children's children are going to have to go hungry. They can go fuck themselves, though. It's enough of a pain for me to keep the generators running. There's enough food stockpil... | The world had met its end. He'd watched it all on the news. How city after city went dark, all signs of life suddently grinding to a halt. No one in his town had known why, and when the call to get to the shelters had come he'd been the only one there.
The sounds had started mere minutes after the heavy blast doors ha... | 2016-07-13T02:41:03 | 2016-07-13T02:38:30 | 77 | 15 |
[WP] You have a compass that points to whatever will cause the most damage in the next 24 hours, anywhere in the world. Today, it's pointing directly at your grandmother, who is knitting a pair of socks. | Oh no. Gram Grams.
A cold sweat breaks out on your forehead as you contemplate the ramifications of your newly acquired problem hit you full force. Gram Grams is still as oblivious as ever, mindlessly knitting - it's socks today - while listening to her radio. You check the compass a second time but it is still pointe... | Grandma carefully knit a light blue pair of socks for my mothers expecting baby boy. She was careful yet passionate. Like she couldn't wait to finish.
"This has to be a mistake," I mumbled to myself.
"What was that dear?" Grandma asked.
"Oh nothing." I quickly reassured.
I begun to shake the compass hoping the dia... | 2016-08-03T13:13:11 | 2016-08-03T10:22:17 | 22 | 16 |
[WP] There's an urban legend that's been circulating for years about a taxi cab that doesn't take you where you want to go, but where you need to go. One night you step into this cab.
I realize "night" might be a little too constricting so feel free to break the prompt and write about the day if your story requires it... | 'step inside,' he says.
he's got
such white teeth.
it's too dark to see
the rest, but
he's still the best thing
I've found all day.
*you're the night driver?* I ask
without moving my lips. he nods,
this shadow in the taxi, he nods,
and I climb into his car. there's
the scent of static in the a... | Long have I heard about this cab. They said that it will take you to wherever you need to be, so that destiny will play its part. Ever since I was young, I was plagued with many disturbing visions that cause me unspeakable nightmare, it was so real that I couldn't know what was dream and what is real. Because of it, I ... | 2016-08-29T02:09:21 | 2016-08-29T00:09:38 | 312 | 21 |
[WP] the damned souls in hell crowded near the entrance, and Satan himself is at the gates. They are all awaiting the arrival of a unique soul -- the first man since Biblical times who was killed by God Himself. | "Howdy," said Herod, clapping an arm around me, a shower of maggots falling from his side. "Mister special," Herod snarled, showing a mouthful of rotting teeth. "Mister number one, is that it."
"Oh, shut it," Jehoram snarled. "Just because you're mad at not being special anymore. I used to be the last one! Figured th... | For the first time in a long time, the work whistles blew in Hell. The demons stopped torturing, and instead went rushing over to Lucifer's side, by the entry gateway. They were unsure of why their master would mass summon them, but the older ones remember, last time this happened, God visited. This has to be important... | 2016-10-14T07:39:31 | 2016-10-14T07:00:16 | 596 | 15 |
[WP] the damned souls in hell crowded near the entrance, and Satan himself is at the gates. They are all awaiting the arrival of a unique soul -- the first man since Biblical times who was killed by God Himself. | What's there to say, really? They all knew this one would be here sooner or later. Satan looked over at the generals, taking note the anticipation and voracity in their faces. He also noticed all the tusks; there were lots of tusks. The souls of the damned came in from just about everywhere around the world. They ... | For the first time in a long time, the work whistles blew in Hell. The demons stopped torturing, and instead went rushing over to Lucifer's side, by the entry gateway. They were unsure of why their master would mass summon them, but the older ones remember, last time this happened, God visited. This has to be important... | 2016-10-14T08:35:55 | 2016-10-14T07:00:16 | 21 | 15 |
[WP] Your occupation sounds really stupid and outright ridiculous, so much so that any normal person would believe you made it up on the spot, but it's the only thing keeping the world from falling apart. | He brushes her hair off her forehead and he says, “It’s alright. Try again. You’ll make it, I know you will.”
And she does try, again, and again - until she lands the shot at last. The basketball drops down through the hoop and goes *kerthunkthunthunk* on the driveway, and her brother beams and applauds.
The man ... | "Have a great weekend, Mr. Hynson!" yelled Stacy as she ran off with her friends, a student at Earnhardt High School.
Jimmy Hynson grumbled a low, "Catch you later, kiddo," dipping his mop into the bucket of water before continuing his slow, methodical process of cleaning the entire school.
The school was where the n... | 2016-11-18T16:19:24 | 2016-11-18T15:06:19 | 29 | 13 |
[WP] You are an average Joe who is challenged by a random super hero every week. Your record is 337-0. | I sat back in my chair after another victory. The hero was being taken away by paramedics, unconscious but not hurt too bad (I hope!) They must have been used to this, it being almost a year since the challenges had started. "I must have beaten every super hero in the country by now!", I exclaimed excitedly.
People w... | I felt a rush of endorphins as hero number 337 fell by my side, defeated and in agonizing pain. He was visibly aching, tightly clutching his now broken ribcage and my boot was atop his neck.
"You guys are making this *too* easy," I said as I removed my foot from the hero and helped him back up to his feet. "Don't you ... | 2016-11-19T18:35:18 | 2016-11-19T16:56:25 | 970 | 15 |
[WP]Everyone has known the secret to immortality for quite some time, yet because of what you have to do to achieve it, so far nobody has felt as though it was worth it. | "Goose shit."
"You're kidding."
"Nope. And it has to be *fresh.*"
"That is fucking *disgusting.* But on the other hand: *Immortality.* Couldn't you get used to it after a while? Like kale or whatever?"
"You'd think that, right? But people have tried. There was one guy, Fernando Feliz. He made it through something ... | "Children, there is a way to gain a power that many of you desire." The old lady inched in, "Immortality is possible. There is no cost to immortality, or process." The elderly woman grinned, her wrinkles spreading on her face.
"Why isn't everyone immortal then?" A young child popped his head out and yelled. The old la... | 2017-01-04T16:07:13 | 2017-01-04T15:52:14 | 127 | 14 |
[WP] [EU] Tom Brady in the Marvel Universe has won five Superbowls. The jeweler responsible for his rings unwittingly used Infinity Stones instead of regular gem stones. | No one knew what would happen when Tom Brady gained the staggering power of the Infinity Gems. For awhile, it seemed like nothing had changed. The cosmos functioned as it always had.
Then, with lethal precision and efficiency, Brady struck.
For a time, everyone ignored it. Brady first concentrated on those consider... | Tom Brady slipped the fifth ring onto his hand. Suddenly, he could perceive everything.
He knew what happened to Amelia Earheart. He knew the answers to the P vs NP problem, and the Riemann hypothesis. He knew how to make faster than light travel possible.
He looked around the room in wonder. His record-breakin... | 2017-02-06T08:34:10 | 2017-02-06T08:33:45 | 408 | 136 |
[WP] You're immortal, but you can die. Upon your death, however you will be "reset" to age 5 with a perfect memory of each life you've lived before. | The first ten or twenty minutes are the hardest. I've been through it four...no five times and I don't get used to it. Stop looking at me like that! I know you think I'm a sick old man and the meds are making me delusional. Whether you believe me or not we're going to be parting soon. You'll go on and I'll reset. So...... | Life is my game. Is there a way to win? Maybe, but hell if I know what it is. I can remember what I was thinking when I first died. My first life was such an awful run, I've topped it almost every life after, unless I count the runs I've just done for fun.
I was an artist, not very experienced, only about 60 years of ... | 2017-05-25T13:17:28 | 2017-05-25T12:49:34 | 1,273 | 60 |
[WP] You've been cursed. Every lie you tell bends reality to become the truth. At first this didn't seem like a curse at all, but now you've made a grave mistake. | "His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy," I spat. The crowd seemed into it. Even the skeptics were bobbing along. The only one who didn't enjoy it was my opponent, who looked ready to drop his mic and fall over.
"There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti," I continued. He puked a river of red st... | It was a curse I was born with. Unlucky as I was, I rather thought it to be a gift, a blessing. I could lie my way out of anything and I would still be alright. It was infallible, since reality changed with my words. I cured my smoking and drug addictions with my assertion. Literally everything and anything could be be... | 2017-07-14T08:26:45 | 2017-07-14T05:09:16 | 21 | 15 |
[WP] The stronger your opponent is, the easier you defeat him. Sick and tired of seeing elite assassins and battle-hardened units fall, your worst enemy sends his six year old son after you. | A knock.
I sighed, and cursed my younger self again. Dad had said, "go to law school, Mark," but no, I just *had* to show off my powers, *had* to use them. See, I could just use my enemy's ability against her. Tanks, guns, assassins, jets, governments - the stronger they were, the easier they fell. So one one thing le... | The most battle-hardened of us have a weakness. It's a lesson that has stood the test of time, a lesson I learnt for life. For years, it was something I capitalized on, something I loved to use against my foes. It was the tool that even the weakest could utilize, for when one is weak and inexperienced, one still posses... | 2017-08-11T22:11:34 | 2017-08-11T21:55:35 | 2,415 | 195 |
[WP] You accept a job paying $1 million a year to sit in a room, waiting for a phone to ring on a table. After 5 years at work, it finally rings... For the first time.
What happens next? | I keep questioning why I took this job because I'm going crazy. Is the money really worth it? Does the phone even work? How did I even get to this position?
Suddenly the phone goes off.
"H-hello?" I tentatively answer.
"Uh is this the Krusty Krabs?"
"No this is Patrick," I said and hung up. | Office of police oversight, you say?
Yes. That's right.
And you're sure about all this; one million, guaranteed, no background check, free pizza?
Yes. All of it.
And what if it *does* ring?
Well, that will never happen because we won't be publishing this number anywhere.
Then why bother even paying me?
Because i... | 2017-12-16T23:39:18 | 2017-12-16T23:22:44 | 173 | 117 |
[WP] You accept a job paying $1 million a year to sit in a room, waiting for a phone to ring on a table. After 5 years at work, it finally rings... For the first time.
What happens next? | Dave never expected it to ring.
He thought it was all a joke at first, but how wrong he was.
It almost gave him a heart attack when it rang.
He picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
The silence felt like an eternity.
“Hello~?”
He nearly hang up just before they spoke.
“Is this Dave Smith?”
“Yes.”
In the background he he... | Damn, it's hot in here. How'd I even get myself in this situation?
I guess most of the days in which I found myself sitting in that white plastic chair were much the same. A bit of thumb-twiddling and whistling favorite tunes helped out a bit, but lord was that job *slow*. But, y'know, who wouldn't sit their ass in a ... | 2017-12-16T21:55:00 | 2017-12-16T21:53:13 | 65 | 31 |
[WP] Guns were never invented. Instead, swords and blades became increasingly complex and powerful | D-Day. Millions of Allied soldiers charge the beaches at Normandy, their swords glowing and shooting smaller swords from their tips at the bunkers, wherein German troops reflected laser light off of their swords back at the oncoming ships to burn the oncoming Allies. As they hit beach, soldiers tossed handheld, sword-s... | They gathered on the steps of the Florida State Capitol. Thousands of them, some from Parkland itself, but also hundreds of supporters from out-of-state, believers in the cause who were ready to protest. Joshua Bergin, a Parkland survivor, was the first to the microphone.
"Thank you for all being here," he told the cr... | 2018-03-07T07:37:05 | 2018-03-07T07:19:44 | 109 | 12 |
[WP] Your son asked you "dad are clouds candy?" You told him they were water. Then he asked "dad, what are Earth's defense systems. Then you remembered you don't have a son, and then he asked again, his eyes now obsidian black. "what is the defense system father." | "Wombats," I say.
The... thing I thought was human pauses.
"Wombats? What is Wombats? A mighty weapon of some sort?"
"Yes", I reply, "They're an Earth animal - capable of terrible, terrible violence. We don't even control most of them, just a select few."
"You think a few non-sapient animals defend the whole plane... | I freeze. *Stranger*...
"uh, well then it's very complicated, but let's grab a sandwich, and we'll sit down and talk about it, ok?"
The knives in the kitchen drawer are rattling as I scamble for the spare radio I keep in there... the little freak is standing by the door... my son... no, he's a freak. what is he, a 4... | 2018-05-14T01:35:49 | 2018-05-13T23:45:15 | 48 | 16 |
[WP] Every human has a 'luck rating' - a number from 1-100 that defines how lucky they can be. Born with a rating of 100, you're confined in a maximum security prison. You think your luck should get you out easily - that is, until you see that all the other inmates also have luck ratings of 100. | This prison is all I've ever known. The world knows your luck rating as soon as your born. I entered the world, my luck rating was seen, and I was taken away from my parents. They must have had low-luck ratings. Most 100s have low-luck parents. I was brought to this maximum security prison only hours after I was born. ... | I was *born* with max luck, being told my whole life that I shouldn’t be, that I was *favored*. Nope, I was locked up and the key thrown away. I had spent my life, from age thirteen onwards here. My Luck was my weapon, but I wasn’t sure how. I *should have* been able to get out of here, press my own Luck to its max... | 2018-06-29T11:30:53 | 2018-06-29T10:57:06 | 36 | 12 |
[WP] A version of the Purge; 24 hours where retail workers can be as rude as they want. You are a cashier, having the time of your life. | The women was blonde, she was in her early-40s, she had two children, Hunter and Conner (9 and 12), and she was extremely angry. A thin line of spittle crawled out of the edge of her mouth as she prepared to confront the unacceptable piece of human scum who had dared to tell her that the spring sale on large expensive-... | A fake smile on my face. It's what I plaster on every day, but today's different. As I stare at customers with pursed lips and a scowl, they quickly give their orders as to leave my unpleasant gaze immediately. They don't understand, the chains around me every time I took this spot behind the cashier have vanished. But... | 2018-07-26T16:32:04 | 2018-07-26T15:46:37 | 92 | 58 |
[WP] The "violent videogames teach you how to use a gun" thing is true for you. Literally. Everything you learn in videogames, you can do in real life as well. You realize you have that power when you drink an energy drink after a bad injury and you find yourself completely healed. | "Your wallet and your watch or your life, boy. Decision is yours!"
I looked around the alley. No way out. Two men behind me, three in front. Garbage lay strewn across the dimly lit corridor.
I was beyond panicking. Shaking, I tried to unclasp my watch. Pity, it was just a G-Shock, hardly anything to murder over. I f... | I sat there on my bed having just gotten home from food shopping. I looked at the cut on my hand from when I had accidently cut myself helping my dad earlier today. I took a mouthful of my energy drink, by time the fluid went down my throat the cut was gone. I thought I was hallucinating so I grabbed a knife and cut a ... | 2018-08-14T09:18:10 | 2018-08-14T07:36:53 | 256 | 49 |
[WP] Yesterday, for one hour, every human on Earth was telepathically linked with every other human. Today, you are the most hated person on the planet. | Narrator: Yesterday, from 7:00 am-8:00 am, scientists in the UK used a magnetic field type device to telepathically link all of humanity into a Socratic-Seminar styled chat room. The plans for this event have been in place for decades, but to prevent any devious plots, were only made public 2 minutes before the event b... | You stroll down the street, the supermarket in view. You see a homeless man lying cold by the door. You stop and think ‘Wow. I never want to end up like that loser there, just look at him. Pitiful begging for money and food. Probably going to buy drugs with that money anyway.’ You head to the store.
He grabs your leg ... | 2018-11-12T10:43:42 | 2018-11-12T10:36:02 | 36 | 18 |
[WP] A new drug goes viral & everybody starts consuming, while few abstain from it. The drug causes time/perception delay, a permanent side-effect. The junkies eventually begin to see the non-users as gods due their ability to move and react quickly, and tell the immediate future.
Got this idea when me and my frie... | Chronos is one hell of a drug. It just makes things "real slow, you know?" to put it as one of the junkies I've caught with the stuff. But its unique, it only fully works when everyone present is on it. Talk about peer pressure. Just imagine being the reason everyone can't get high.
It links our brains, using that... | "You look dragged, dude."
I manage a weak chuckle. "I couldn't sleep last night. Ms. Patters gave us a sh!t ton of homework, plus we had a test for Mr. Benjamin's class. *And* I have a project. *And* I have three papers due next week. *And* presentations. *And* practice. *And*--"
"Alright, alright!" He laughs. "I get... | 2018-11-27T20:45:08 | 2018-11-27T18:16:59 | 930 | 187 |
[WP] You’re a loner and your best friend is your cat. Recently, with some encouragement, you invite the girl you have a crush on over for dinner. It goes great, but when she’s leaving she tells you that cats don’t typically walk on their hind-legs, light candles, serve the meal, and play soft jazz. | "Yeah, cats don't normally do that," she re-affirmed.
&#x200B;
"Huh," I replied. "Now that you mention it, my parent's cat just slept all day and pooped in the corner. He sucked at the saxophone, no matter how many lessons I tried to give him."
&#x200B;
"Listen IWriteDumbStories, I think you'd better have a... | The Blue Danube played from a Bose sound system, but that was not the first thing Elissa noticed. It was the ginger orange cat that opened the door and was wearing a tuxedo. He motioned his paw for her to enter. Then he said, in a dreamy purring voice, “Mademoiselle we are glad to host you this evening.” Elissa opened... | 2018-12-28T16:53:10 | 2018-12-28T11:03:02 | 114 | 48 |
[WP] "Attention all Wal-Mart customers. Welcome to Aisle Wars™. Use any resources from your aisle to attack and defend from other aisles. Only one aisle may leave. Good luck." | I remember it as the happiest day in my life. I had been chosen for Walmageddon, the highest amount of bless a regularly consumer such as me could hope for.
I had only experienced the ritual through tv and what a joy it was. I would normally be spending time on one of the commercial channels at home when the one min... | Molotov cocktails of rubbing alcohol and Ace bandages soared from the pharmacy into health and beauty products. Susan, who was lobbing bottles of shampoo in return, wondered why there were lighters on an end cap in the pharmacy. Hairspray canisters exploded in the flames behind her. She whinged as shrapnel dug into he... | 2019-01-15T19:35:20 | 2019-01-15T19:09:53 | 53 | 17 |
[WP] A child prays for Satan. Touched by the gesture Satan binds a demonic familiar to them to aid them in times of dire need. To avoid suspicion the familiar takes the form of a squirrel. | **Item number:** SCP-NU45
**Object class:** Keter
**Containment procedures:** SCP-NU45-A is to be housed in standard humanoid containment alongside SCP-NU45, and given anything she requests, within reason. In the event that the request cannot be completed, or given an appropriate substitute, a class D personnel neari... | I don't know what it was, but something about Megan had changed. I knew my little sister - she would've usually insisted we hold hands when walking outside after dark, but now she was fine walking a few paces in front of me.
I'd gone to her friend's place to pick her up on my way home from soccer practise, and since ... | 2019-01-21T04:10:18 | 2019-01-21T02:41:54 | 73 | 47 |
[WP] When you reach the age of 21, you are given a check from the government. The check has been carefully calculated and is worth the minimum amount of money you need for the rest of your life. Your check came in the mail today and it was $7.27
Edit: Wow this blew up better than I thought it would. | I was at my favorite taco joint with my family. It was a weird tradition we had. When someone turned 21, we go to this place as a family and open the check. See how much their life is worth. It tends to make for a good laugh. My brother's was around a million. My poor cousins was only 25% of that. So here we are on my ... | I cashed in my newfound fortune. $2 got me on the bus, I got out at the edge of town. I walked for a few hours and found a garage sale sign, I followed the arrows to a somewhat shabby looking hobby farm. There was a very old man sitting amongst the articles he had for sale, all of which had a more leaden appearance tha... | 2019-04-24T13:37:46 | 2019-04-24T11:25:08 | 32 | 20 |
[WP] You are an Engineer who became a Wizard. Problem is, you discovered that some magic is practiced really inefficiently.
For example, no one thought to optimize fire magic by pressurizing the fire with wind magic. | I stood across from thousands of wizards given one order - kill me. I didn’t take it personal, though. They wanted the kingdom, and I was standing in their way. Either I moved, they thought, or I’d be as good as dead. Same for me. Of course, they all knew I wasn’t going to move, and I the same for them. So this, like a... | "Jerome! Now please don't tell me your working on that project... still. What the fuck you doing?" There he is, this old little bitch is at it again, teleporting his crinkly self, wherever he wants. Man I need a new mentor. I should have practiced my Dont-Come-The-Fuck-In spells a little more
&#x200B;
"Listen G... | 2019-04-26T06:12:53 | 2019-04-26T02:17:58 | 15 | 10 |
[WP] When people arrive in heaven they are assigned a wing color that dictates their role. White wings help guide the living, red wings fight against and ward off demons, golden wings guard the gates of heaven. But when you arrive, your wings are black. | “Black wings,” Steve said.
I knew his name was Steve from the name tag pinned to his chest. The other guy didn’t have a tag, but from the way they sat together staring at the monitor on the reception desk, it was clear the other guy was just as upset as Steve.
“Black wings?” he said.
Steve chuckled. “April fools... | The coldness of the rock demanded my body awaken. Instead of slowly opening my eyes, though, my mind was focused on the excruciating pain that pierced through every muscle in my body. Sure, it wasn’t the worst pain in the world, but it still hurt pretty bad.
I had to force myself to finally see what was around me. I n... | 2019-05-17T14:43:36 | 2019-05-17T14:27:52 | 75 | 30 |
[WP] Everyone has superhuman powers based on one of their emotions, and the magnitude of their power is based on how strongly they feel that emotion. You're an average, mild mannered person, but your power is more intense than any other. However, you don't know what emotion your power draws from. | It's hard living in a world where everyone gets a super power. we all get one when we turn 20. Apparently twenty is the age where all our emotions plateau enough for our superpowers to manifest.
I've never particularly been excited about getting my powers. It'll just mean I'll be like everyone else. To me, normal was... | I remembered it as clear as a crystal the day it happened, where chaos was in the air instead of love, where people were raging instead of walking and where the sky was no longer a piece of blue canvas but a swirling pack of fire in motion, raining down on mortals.
&#x200B;
No one knew how it happened but six mon... | 2019-05-20T04:36:27 | 2019-05-20T03:58:31 | 37 | 12 |
[WP] You are God, after a couple thousand years of people thinking you don't answer their prayers, you realise you've had yourself on mute on the celestial microphone you use to talk to humans.
Edit: Wow, I never expected this to blow up, Thank you for the silver, it was my first ever award!
Edit 2: GOOOLD! Thank you ... | "Well, fuck!" boomed a deep voice from the sky.
At first, the only ones startled were the few people who absolutely, positively knew they were nowhere within reach of a P/A system.
"Peter, can you believe this mute button? Could it be any more hidden?" rang the heavens.
Panic began to set in.
Multicultural friends... | The tiny little creatures I looked after had turned their world into crap. Thousands of years had passed in their time and yet, they had decided to ignore me when I tried to talk to them. Every single human who wanted to hear me, could not. It was like someone had built something to block me from them. Or maybe? Hmm, I... | 2019-06-03T09:40:22 | 2019-06-03T09:07:34 | 111 | 21 |
[WP] You are God, after a couple thousand years of people thinking you don't answer their prayers, you realise you've had yourself on mute on the celestial microphone you use to talk to humans.
Edit: Wow, I never expected this to blow up, Thank you for the silver, it was my first ever award!
Edit 2: GOOOLD! Thank you ... | The first voice that came through was one of anger. The self-righteous indignation that the words came with at once jolted me to earth. The words came again this time in a mocking high-pitched tone.
"Please God, answer my prayers Lord they big bad pagans are winning god."
He was prancing about a group of worshipe... | The tiny little creatures I looked after had turned their world into crap. Thousands of years had passed in their time and yet, they had decided to ignore me when I tried to talk to them. Every single human who wanted to hear me, could not. It was like someone had built something to block me from them. Or maybe? Hmm, I... | 2019-06-03T09:36:57 | 2019-06-03T09:07:34 | 35 | 21 |
[WP] When the captain saw that you were human, he accepted you immediately as a member of his crew. Unfortunately, the captain's understanding of humans quickly turns out to be distinctly...off.
EDIT - Wow, didn't think this would be anywhere near as popular as it turned out. Thanks for the responses, all! | “It’s time, Steven.” Captain Genissi’s tentacles undulated nervously as he entered the restroom I was working in.
“Time, sir?”
“The ship’s sensors have picked up Limewir pirates approaching. They were hiding in the shadow of Gas Giant 14b. Now it’s too late to escape—they’ll be on us in less than twenty minutes. I ne... | “Please don’t eat me,” the squirming pirate says. It helplessly waves its tentacles around. We only captured this one alive from the boarding party.
Captain Arfkhan looks at me with all three eyestalks. His translator box makes that crackling noise I so hate. I only know it signifies excitement.
“Do it, Slade. I’ve ... | 2019-10-11T09:29:57 | 2019-10-11T08:59:20 | 2,819 | 544 |
[WP] you wake up and realized you skipped a day, everything in your house is organized, since then you always switch bodies with this friendly entity that does your tasks for a day, until one day your windows are barricaded and theres blood on your hands and a note "You must hide" | “Initiating fast forward protocol...”
“Stabilizing...normalization achieved.”
I’ve been waking up with a grin every morning since the last software update. It was a little tough getting used to sharing my mind with Her, but after a week of a clean house, regular exercise, and eight hours of sleep every other day, I ... | I'd gotten into a habit of letting the other side of me take over for a day. It was a crude sort of Jekyll and Hyde, but it played out well enough that my house didn't look like the FBI shot up my house. But today, I woke up to something different.
As I opened my eyes, something just felt wrong. My spot on the couch w... | 2019-10-14T21:10:50 | 2019-10-14T20:35:42 | 77 | 53 |
[WP] You bought a pair of headphones that are acting up. Every time you plug them in, you hear a different sound - first crying, then a war-zone, now just static. You plug them in again and are frightened to hear a desperate, tearful warning: "Whatever you do, DON'T unplug the headphones again." | I unplugged the headphones.
My hackles stood tall as needles as I threw the headphones across my room. They landed on paneled floor with a crack.
I grimaced but I stayed 10 feet away as I eyed them for damage. They were faulty so surely I could refund them. Do pawn shops even do refunds?
With a sigh, I realized why ... |
I opened up the package that I had ordered from Amazon and took out my brand new pair of headphones. My old headphones had gotten more glitchy as the years went by, so I was hoping that this new pair would be more successful. I sat down in my chair, went to Youtube, put on my headphones and plugged them into my lapt... | 2020-04-01T23:38:44 | 2020-04-01T21:37:42 | 409 | 42 |
[WP] You bought a pair of headphones that are acting up. Every time you plug them in, you hear a different sound - first crying, then a war-zone, now just static. You plug them in again and are frightened to hear a desperate, tearful warning: "Whatever you do, DON'T unplug the headphones again." | I unplugged the headphones.
My hackles stood tall as needles as I threw the headphones across my room. They landed on paneled floor with a crack.
I grimaced but I stayed 10 feet away as I eyed them for damage. They were faulty so surely I could refund them. Do pawn shops even do refunds?
With a sigh, I realized why ... | I strolled into my neighborhood dollar store for a pair of headphones to replace my 99-cent earbuds that only worked when I wrapped the wire tightly around my phone. Buying another shitty pair of earbuds only for them to break after a day wasn't at the top of my shopping list. A wise stranger once said, "splurge on the... | 2020-04-01T23:38:44 | 2020-04-01T23:18:06 | 409 | 16 |
[WP] An alien replacing your father and pretending to be him sounds like everybody horror's story, except for you and your mother since it is affectionate, caring, helps you with school and has even been promoted at work and is an absolute dork for SciFi movies. | My father was replaced by an alien.
He used to be a terrible father. He would get drunk, and then lash out at us. Blaming us for his troubles, blaming us for our debt, blaming use for everything.
He used to yell at mom, hitting her. Then he would leave to go hang out with his buddies.
I honestly dont remember much ... | “I love you, son” said the impostor.
Tears well up in my eyes. “I love you too, Dad”. For a second, I really mean Dad. It’s hard knowing that your dad has been replaced by a stranger, but times like this make it all worthwhile. Maybe in time, I’ll forget about my first ‘father’. Maybe I dreamt him up. It’s hard to be ... | 2020-04-23T09:51:30 | 2020-04-23T09:30:56 | 26 | 18 |
[WP] A Japanese company sends a poll to their employees: "Should high heels be obligatory?" 76% of men and 23% of women vote in favour. "Per the poll, the new dress code will start Monday. We will provide you with shoes." The men are directed to the counter with high heels, the women to flat shoes. | As Nobu walked away with his pair of pumps, Aiko came up with her flats.
"Sexy, Nobu. Looks classy! Aiko teased.
Nobu smiled. "I'm glad that the managers have a sense of humor. Better for morale I think. Though I thought it would be mandatory for everyone, especially since health and safety sent out the poll."
"Yeah... | As a collective of women and men at the office approached the counter to pick up their shoes to follow the new work protocol, the women gave an apprehensive side-eye. A few of them sneered, dropped their jaws, gawked, scratched their heads, and even rubbed their chins.
One of them said. "Why? Why would any of you want... | 2020-05-11T09:57:11 | 2020-05-11T07:33:41 | 2,942 | 112 |
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