jokeText stringlengths 10 799 | broad_topic stringclasses 14
values | joke_type stringclasses 34
values | tone stringclasses 22
values | jokeId int64 0 11k | embedding listlengths 1.02k 1.02k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning
Imagine how surprised he must have been. | Money | Pun | Clever | 0 | [
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Ajit Pai.
That's it. That's the whole fucking joke. | Politics | One-liner | Absurd | 2 | [
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What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank? | Money | Pun | Clever | 3 | [
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Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system. | Technology | Pun | Clever | 4 | [
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If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...
I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality. | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 5 | [
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Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside | Nature | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 6 | [
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If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 7 | [
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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!" | Family | Absurd | Lighthearted | 9 | [
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Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term. | Politics | Pun | Clever | 10 | [
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Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada. | Politics | Satire | Sarcastic | 11 | [
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This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing | Work | Observational humor | Clever | 12 | [
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A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...
...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 13 | [
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The funniest /r/jokes has ever been
None | Technology | Satire | Lighthearted | 14 | [
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My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!
Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday. | Relationships | Dark humor | Dark | 15 | [
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Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?
Midlife crisis | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 16 | [
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Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something. | Politics | Satire | Sarcastic | 17 | [
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The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...
... United. | News | Pun | Clever | 18 | [
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For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished. | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 19 | [
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I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out. | Work | Pun | Clever | 20 | [
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So Tekashi69 could face life in prison
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 21 | [
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What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question. | School | Riddle | Clever | 22 | [
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion. | Science | Pun | Clever | 23 | [
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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 24 | [
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TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask
Whoops, wrong sub | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 25 | [
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My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal.
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless. | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 28 | [
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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined. | Politics | Satire | Sarcastic, Clever | 29 | [
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"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..." | Work | Pun | Sarcastic | 31 | [
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What is Gordon Ramsay's favorite subreddit?
It's fucking r/aww | Food | Pun | Lighthearted | 32 | [
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My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship. | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 33 | [
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The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 34 | [
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Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.. | Work | Riddle | Absurd | 35 | [
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Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 36 | [
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Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678 | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 39 | [
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My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary. | Technology | Pun | Clever | 41 | [
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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless." | Science | Observational humor | Sarcastic | 42 | [
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains. | Politics | Satire | Dark | 43 | [
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Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A Flossiraptor | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 44 | [
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... |
I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights". | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 45 | [
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All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat. | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 46 | [
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As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...
“School” is my answer | School | Pun | Lighthearted | 48 | [
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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...
It's where I flip your MOM over | Relationships | Setup & Punchline | Clever | 49 | [
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I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.
I told her we use names here. | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 50 | [
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Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France. | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 51 | [
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Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence . | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 57 | [
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A feminist told me about the "Dwayne Johnson Rule."
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I told her:
"Your chest is fucking epic." | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 58 | [
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... |
My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on
I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand. | Nature | Pun | Absurd | 59 | [
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How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 60 | [
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Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning. | Politics | Satire | Sarcastic | 61 | [
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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall
On the condition he gets to install windows. | Politics | Pun | Clever | 62 | [
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Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries". | Politics | Pun | Absurd | 64 | [
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If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?" | Money | Pun | Lighthearted | 65 | [
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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try." | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 68 | [
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I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.
I just came to that realization. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 69 | [
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Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.
If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too. | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 70 | [
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Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term. | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 72 | [
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Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. | Politics | Pun | Clever | 74 | [
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Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?
Because it’s always too soon.
^(i feel bad) | Politics | Satire | Dark | 76 | [
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My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.
A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream." | Nature | Pun | Clever | 77 | [
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Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”
Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”
The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.” | Politics | Setup & Punchline | Absurd | 78 | [
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Donald J. Trump has been impeached
Finally, something he's earned | Politics | Pun | Clever | 79 | [
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Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it is cheaper. | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 80 | [
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Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'.
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
Eddit: Leddit be heard, thank you for the silver! As for your platinum and gold, spreddit, you won’t regreddit! | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 81 | [
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“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?” | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 82 | [
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"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​ | Family | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 83 | [
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This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.
He’s explaining Facebook to old people. | Technology | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 84 | [
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Why will congress never impeach Trump?
Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term. | Politics | Pun | Clever | 85 | [
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My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter. | Work | Observational humor | Sarcastic | 86 | [
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Have you seen r/tifu recently.
They’re fucking nuts. | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 87 | [
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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right. | Relationships | Setup & Punchline | Clever | 88 | [
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A man accepts a job in a village with no women
Once there, he asks a local:
\-There is really no women here?
\-None.
\-So... How do you guys do when you need to have sex?
\-There is a donkey close to the river for that.
The man tries to ignore and go home, where he can see the river and therefore, the donkey. After months in that village, every day the donkey seemed a little more attractive, so one day when a few other men asked him if he'd like to go to the donkey with them, he accepts. When he is close to the donkey, the man puts down his pants and one of the other locals yells:
\-What you doing!?
\-Aren't we...? Going to do the donkey thing?
\-We going to ride the donkey across the river so we can get to the other village where we can meet women. | Relationships | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 91 | [
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I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 92 | [
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0.022098150104284286,
0.03652512654662132,
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... |
If having sex for money makes you a whore...
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation? | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 94 | [
-0.07736114412546158,
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0.0541265569627285,
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0.0... |
Three friends bragged about who has more sex....
Friend A said "You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women"
Friend B said "Oh yeah? Well I'm the top gynecologist doctor at the most highly rated hospitals in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I'm at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women."
Friend C said, "I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke." | Relationships | Observational humor | Clever | 96 | [
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My boss: “You’re fired.”
Me: *turns in gun and badge*
My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those” | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 97 | [
-0.0631147250533104,
0.03921980783343315,
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0.005... |
An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.
They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, sugar?” The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other two men - looks over at his wife and says “Could you pass me the milk ye fucking cow?” | Relationships | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 98 | [
-0.04820552095770836,
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0.004969398956745863,
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... |
My wife left me because I'm too insecure.
No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea. | Relationships | One-liner | Lighthearted | 99 | [
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0.0... |
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 100 | [
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0.015563355758786201,
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0.01744009740650654,
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0.042... |
Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it... | Money | Pun | Lighthearted | 101 | [
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0... |
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre | Entertainment | Observational humor | Absurd | 102 | [
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-0.00... |
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way." | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 103 | [
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0.0... |
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher. | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 104 | [
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0.04625643417239189,
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-... |
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator. | Politics | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 105 | [
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0.0010288459016010165,
0.007385710254311562,
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0.012450640089809895,
... |
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
​
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”. | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 106 | [
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0.02941298484802246,
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0.0073533616960048676,
-0.05754565820097923... |
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough. | Family | Pun | Clever | 107 | [
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0.052732039242982864,
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Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"
Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him." | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 108 | [
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0... |
My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry
I'll return. | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 109 | [
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-... |
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet...
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either. | Family | Observational humor | Absurd | 110 | [
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0.019652551040053368,
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... |
CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS JUNK. HE IS OFFERING UP AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 8 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON. | Technology | Observational humor | Absurd | 111 | [
0.03645490109920502,
0.016948575153946877,
0.012278652749955654,
0.027845345437526703,
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0.029113003984093666,
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0.0036624656058847904,
0.055... |
Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for
He said 'Genius' | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 112 | [
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0.002352628158405423,
0.0033709858544170856,
0.029064105823636055,
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0.020513877272605896,
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0... |
How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it. | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 113 | [
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0.05392340570688248,
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... |
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!
In the end, he came around. | Science | Pun | Clever | 115 | [
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0.017023278400301933,
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... |
I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic.....
I was in Daniel. | Family | Pun | Clever | 116 | [
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0.0019454711582511663,
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-0.030... |
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock." | Health | Pun | Dark | 117 | [
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0.025474788621068,
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0.034668873995542526,
0.044774819165468216,
0.... |
I found a place where the recycling rate is 98%
/r/Jokes | Nature | Pun | Clever | 118 | [
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0.013723448850214481,
0.005931373219937086,
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... |
I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".
She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely". | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 119 | [
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0.015148251317441463,
0.00851915031671524,
0.044444069266319275,
-0.09825798124074936,
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0... |
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 120 | [
-0.012897171080112457,
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-0.0294707790017128,
0.03475569933652878,
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0.036228712648153305,
0.02568059414625168,
0.05227011814713478,
0.... |
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals
I M LIVID | School | Pun | Clever | 121 | [
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0.03766952082514763,
-0.02706705592572689,
-0.006996351759880781,
-0.02112727239727974,
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0.01845400035381317,
0.008737307041883469,
0.046868592500686646,
-0.008697036653757095,
0.003945... |
Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate
"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked
Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"
EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"
Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the most hated of all?"
The group agreed and Hitler left to go make the vote. After counting the ballots, Hitler returns and asks:
"Who the fuck is Ajit Pai!?"
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* | Politics | Satire | Dark | 122 | [
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0.013074583373963833,
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0.0062768724747002125,
0.03228209912776947,
0.013337016105651855,
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... |
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop." | School | Pun | Lighthearted | 123 | [
-0.0016051388811320066,
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-0.039734095335006714,
0.05956919863820076,
-0.023071734234690666,
... |
TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic
Because they are more likely to be dead | Health | Dark humor | Dark | 125 | [
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0.03090890869498253,
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0.03623587638139725,
0.06454934924840927,
0.011... |
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