jokeText stringlengths 10 799 | broad_topic stringclasses 14
values | joke_type stringclasses 34
values | tone stringclasses 22
values | jokeId int64 0 11k | embedding listlengths 1.02k 1.02k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Husband doing crossword with his wife
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: Pistol, 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 127 | [
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99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people | Relationships | Self-deprecating | Clever | 128 | [
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Pun enters a room, kills 10 people
Pun in, 10 dead | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 129 | [
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I really hope coronavirus can't spread through sex
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth. | Health | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 130 | [
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What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system. | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 131 | [
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Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar...
I don’t remember the rest. | Entertainment | One-liner | Lighthearted | 132 | [
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Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted | Politics | Observational humor | Absurd | 133 | [
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What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Diabetes.
What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?
^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 134 | [
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How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
** | Health | Pun | Absurd | 135 | [
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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 136 | [
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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one h... | Politics | Observational humor | Dark | 137 | [
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While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead." | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 138 | [
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I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?" | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 139 | [
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Handjobs [nsfw]
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
Handjobs: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I w... | Food | Pun | Clever | 140 | [
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
you get them VERY ANGRY | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 141 | [
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands
You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 143 | [
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Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was.
She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017. | Relationships | Observational humor | Sarcastic, Dark | 144 | [
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PETA is like a box of chocolates
They kill dogs | Family | Dark humor | Dark | 145 | [
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Why are there two “d”s in “Reddit”?
The second one’s a repost. | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 146 | [
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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F. | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 147 | [
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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 149 | [
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A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken. | Nature | Pun | Lighthearted | 153 | [
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My wife left me because I’m insecure and paranoid. | Relationships | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 154 | [
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The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?"
So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two." | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 155 | [
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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat." | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 158 | [
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Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.
I will be in my Lab if you need me. | Science | Pun | Lighthearted | 159 | [
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Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?
Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term | Politics | Pun | Lighthearted | 161 | [
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Wife: “I’m pregnant.”
Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.”
Wife: “No you’re not.” | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 162 | [
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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?
To cover its butt quack. | Nature | Pun | Lighthearted | 164 | [
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I guess China finally got what they want
They managed to coronise the world. | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 165 | [
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A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"
I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."
cr | Food | Pun | Lighthearted | 166 | [
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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...
But that’s comparing apples to oranges. | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 167 | [
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When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me. | Family | Absurd | Lighthearted | 168 | [
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Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke. | Technology | Self-deprecating | Clever | 170 | [
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If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don’t. | Relationships | Setup & Punchline | Lighthearted | 171 | [
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I never understood school shooting jokes
I guess they're aimed at a younger audience... | School | Pun | Dark | 172 | [
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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins". | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 174 | [
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I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 175 | [
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An African Lumberjack
An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.
"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.
The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.
"Holy... | Work | Pun | Clever | 176 | [
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Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo...
Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
L... | Politics | Pun | Clever | 177 | [
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I wasn’t allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick. | School | Pun | Lighthearted | 178 | [
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... |
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet." | Health | Pun | Clever | 179 | [
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I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter. | Food | One-liner | Lighthearted | 182 | [
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My housemates are convinced our house is haunted
I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange. | Family | Dark humor | Lighthearted | 183 | [
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I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions
Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?" | Health | Dark humor | Lighthearted | 184 | [
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Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
...it was Luke warm. | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 185 | [
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Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?”
Interviewer: “I meant any questions about the job.” | Work | Pun | Clever | 186 | [
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I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place. | Relationships | Observational humor | Sarcastic | 187 | [
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A little girl asks her mother, “Mommy, how was I born?”
Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned i... | Family | Dark humor | Dark | 188 | [
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The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear.....
Is Sphere Itself. | Science | Pun | Lighthearted | 189 | [
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I take Viagra for my sun burn...
It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs when I sleep.
​ | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 190 | [
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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
--- | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 191 | [
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What do you call a stolen Tesla?
An Edison. | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 193 | [
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Boss wants to have sex with his secretary
A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor; by the time you bend down to pick it, I'll be done." She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said "Ask him... | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 194 | [
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What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 196 | [
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I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party. | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 198 | [
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When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.
That's Arkham's Razor. | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 199 | [
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I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup...
I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet. | Health | Pun | Lighthearted | 200 | [
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The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I... | Relationships | Satire | Lighthearted | 201 | [
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A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili...
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He s... | Food | Dark humor | Dark | 202 | [
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Your mom is so fat
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.
[ | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 203 | [
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As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero
The Invisible Man | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 207 | [
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Today I was invited by a female janitor to smoke some weed at her apartment, but i politley declined.
I can’t deal with high maintenance women. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 208 | [
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Why didn't 4 ask out 5
Because he was 2². | Science | Pun | Lighthearted | 209 | [
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I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.
Since she can't even beat an egg | Family | Pun | Lighthearted | 211 | [
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Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
You have to be alive to have autism. | Health | Pun | Clever | 213 | [
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Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability. | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 215 | [
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TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.
Whoops, wrong sub | Work | Pun | Lighthearted | 216 | [
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If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....
Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking? | Health | Pun | Clever | 217 | [
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I finally got someone to be my valentine!
I wish I could post this in any other sub. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 218 | [
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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet" | Relationships | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 221 | [
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My wife left me because I am insecure
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 222 | [
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0.0... |
What did Master Yoda say when he first saw himself in 4k?
HDMI | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 223 | [
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0.014... |
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan" | Family | Pun | Clever | 225 | [
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... |
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”. | Work | Pun | Dark | 226 | [
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... |
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.
The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove." | Health | Pun | Absurd | 228 | [
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0.... |
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!" | Health | Setup & Punchline | Lighthearted | 229 | [
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0.034... |
If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up...
He should have hired her! | Politics | One-liner | Lighthearted | 230 | [
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0.... |
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 231 | [
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0.040550436824560165,
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... |
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being too good in bed...
After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 232 | [
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0.0051872143521904945,
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... |
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!" | Relationships | One-liner | Clever | 233 | [
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0.036279622465372086,
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0.04813556373119354,
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0.02... |
As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"
I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century? | Entertainment | Sarcasm | Sarcastic | 234 | [
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-0.028433475643396378,
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Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence, Yoda was. | Entertainment | Pun | Lighthearted | 235 | [
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I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 237 | [
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0.0... |
My wife left me because I am insecure
No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee. | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 238 | [
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0.0... |
I wish I could be ugly for one day.
Being ugly every day sucks. | Entertainment | One-liner | Lighthearted | 239 | [
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My girlfriend just emailed me
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean? | Technology | Pun | Clever | 240 | [
-0.0007566999411210418,
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0.0038253075908869505,
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0.04409480467438698,
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0.05006122216582298,
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0.... |
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord | Relationships | Pun | Clever | 242 | [
-0.013622766360640526,
0.02802790142595768,
-0.024921555072069168,
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0.03024488501250744,
-0.028504105284810066,
0.... |
Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."
Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer." | Technology | Pun | Lighthearted | 243 | [
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0.01414257101714611,
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0.02253819815814495,
0.03141734376549721,
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0... |
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?" | Sports | Sarcasm | Sarcastic | 244 | [
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0.003635150846093893,
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0.018030276522040367,
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0.062042947858572006,
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... |
Husband: I have cheated once
Husband: I have cheated once
Wife: me too.
husband: 1st of Apriii....
Wife: 18th of June | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 245 | [
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0.004861499648541212,
0.021884091198444366,
0.05201180651783943,
-0.010300330817699432,
-0.0... |
What do you call an emo a capella group?
Self Harmony | Entertainment | Pun | Clever | 246 | [
0.013328277505934238,
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0.00028790778014808893,
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0.016822656616568565,
0.03835662826895714,
-0.002274068305268883... |
Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure | Relationships | Pun | Lighthearted | 247 | [
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0.019608082249760628,
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0.026... |
As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office. | Work | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 249 | [
-0.02904883399605751,
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0.0014259056188166142,
0.014353855513036251,
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0.03198668733239174,
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0.026959776878356934,
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0.0... |
A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decided to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”
Dad asks “Wha... | Family | Story | Lighthearted | 250 | [
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0.000025371664378326386,
-0.027067311108112335,
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0.011024119332432747,
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0.009749844670295715,
-0.04597337543964386,
... |
Afternoon Sex
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
“There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his par... | Family | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 251 | [
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0.019283486530184746,
0.010461508296430111,
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-0.021415991708636284,
-0.03170008212327957,
-0.011210174299776554,
0.024151835590600967,
... |
What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?
Oh, high marks. | School | Pun | Lighthearted | 252 | [
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0.0042104036547243595,
-0.024633562192320824,
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-0.05117613077163696,
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0.04122621938586235,
-0.00211346335709095,
-0.009616314433515072,
-0.043367523699998856,
... |
What’s the difference between a computer and an American?
An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting. | Technology | Pun | Clever | 254 | [
-0.04701940715312958,
0.017823344096541405,
-0.007921632379293442,
0.043500155210494995,
-0.043842215090990067,
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0.015205972827970982,
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-0.012443594634532928,
-0.008116647601127625,
0.002057652687653899,
-0.06341248005628586,... |
Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them. | Relationships | Observational humor | Lighthearted | 255 | [
0.0012867050245404243,
0.0734262615442276,
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0.006329945754259825,
0.05842232331633568,
-0.009883753955364227,
... |
How do you grab the attention of a pervert?
An NSFW tag | Technology | Pun | Clever | 256 | [
-0.01882423274219036,
0.031323809176683426,
0.01697159744799137,
-0.005679464899003506,
-0.08764757215976715,
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-0.016788683831691742,
0.034192293882369995,
-0.010340332053601742,
... |
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