userId int64 0 104 | jokeText stringclasses 275
values | rating int64 1 10 |
|---|---|---|
3 | I refused to waste money paying an exorcist... so he repossessed my house. | 3 |
3 | Do your socks have holes in them? No? Then how did you get them on? | 2 |
3 | What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex?
I'll be home in 20 minutes. | 1 |
3 | Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked.. ...but that's rare. | 3 |
3 | Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music! | 2 |
3 | WARPED WISEMAN WONDERS: “How come Madison Square Garden is a circle?” | 1 |
3 | I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who's got access to filters | 3 |
3 | As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough. | 2 |
3 | What did the peasant say when he went surfing in the Russian Revolution? Serf's up! | 1 |
3 | Did you hear about the skywriter's autobiography? It was way over my head. | 3 |
3 | If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide? | 2 |
3 | I found a website with guaranteed real virgins [NSFW]
www.reddit.com | 1 |
4 | I found a website with guaranteed real virgins [NSFW]
www.reddit.com | 10 |
4 | I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.
I'm tired of being fat every day. | 9 |
4 | What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex?
I'll be home in 20 minutes. | 8 |
4 | I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’ | 7 |
4 | Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning. | 6 |
4 | Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America: Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers. | 5 |
4 | What's the other name for Game of Thrones? ( sex ) Dungeons and Dragons | 4 |
4 | What do you call a surprise party in India? Arranged marriage p.s. I'm an Indian living in India. | 3 |
4 | Nathanael: Knock, knock.
Cindy: Who's there?
Nathanael: Distressing.
Cindy: Distressing, who?
Nathanael: Distressing has too much vinegar! | 2 |
4 | The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...
... United. | 1 |
4 | WE WOULD BE RICH IF YOU SAID JUST ONE DAMN WORD! -drunken me to my dog | 3 |
4 | BRIAN: Why was Cinderella kicked off the softball team?
GRAYSON: I don’t know. Why?
BRIAN: Because she kept running from the ball. | 2 |
4 | TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once
Whoops wrong sub | 1 |
4 | There's been a lot of sexual assaults at a bread store in India The media's calling it the Rape of Naan King | 3 |
4 | eBay is so useless
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,061 matches | 2 |
4 | A PUNNY BOOK: “A Cat Delivering Presents” by Santa Claws. | 1 |
4 | My Chinese friend died last night So Yung | 3 |
4 | Do your socks have holes in them? No? Then how did you get them on? | 2 |
4 | I refused to waste money paying an exorcist... so he repossessed my house. | 1 |
4 | Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked.. ...but that's rare. | 3 |
4 | Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music! | 2 |
4 | WARPED WISEMAN WONDERS: “How come Madison Square Garden is a circle?” | 1 |
4 | As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough. | 3 |
4 | What did the peasant say when he went surfing in the Russian Revolution? Serf's up! | 2 |
4 | I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who's got access to filters | 1 |
4 | Did you hear about the skywriter's autobiography? It was way over my head. | 3 |
4 | Communism sounds good on paper...
...unless you’re reading a history book. | 2 |
4 | If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide? | 1 |
5 | They tried to combine a networked hard drive with a device that brewed drinks... It was NAS-tea | 10 |
5 | I just call everyone viewers...... so I won't mistake their gender. | 9 |
5 | Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion. | 8 |
5 | Holy shit there's a spider under my keyboard I think it's under control | 7 |
5 | Why are prostate exams so important? They show how much of an asshole you are | 6 |
5 | What would be a terrible name for a new beer? Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer? A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays... | 5 |
5 | Armin: Why was the football stadium hot after the game?
David: I’m stumped.
Armin: Because all the fans left. | 4 |
5 | Chris: I thought you were going bear hunting.
Matt: I was, but I only made it as far as the highway.
Chris: What happened?
Matt: Well, I saw a road sign that said “Bear Left,” so I came home. | 3 |
5 | If life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic. | 2 |
5 | Pregnant. It's like ignant, but there are 2 of you. | 1 |
5 | What do you get if you shoot a Mexican golfer? A hole in Juan. | 3 |
5 | How do you get a stoner to comprehend what you're saying? Put it bluntly. | 2 |
5 | How to Properly Jump a Car Attach a cable to the red positive lead, then beat the negative lead for being black. | 1 |
5 | New Drinking Age in Alabama They raised the drinking age to 32 in Alabama to keep alcohol out of high schools. | 3 |
5 | I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint
You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall | 2 |
5 | If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something. | 1 |
5 | Daffynition: Addicted—When someone can’t stop doing math. | 3 |
5 | I think i am allergic to leather. Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache. | 2 |
5 | A book never written: “Pick Up the Phone” by Al Geddit. | 1 |
5 | Sleeping with me is a lot like sleeping with a stuffed animal. But that's only after I've eaten Mexican food. | 3 |
5 | Carter: What did one eye say to the other eye?
Jake: What?
Carter: “Between us, something smells.” | 2 |
5 | Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist.
It would be IX/XI instead. | 1 |
5 | I like the fact that Harriet Tubman will be on the $20 bill. It's good to have a black woman represented on American money. It just sucks that it will only be worth $12. | 3 |
5 | My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem. | 2 |
5 | What did the business man say to the gangster? Pull up your fucking pants. | 1 |
5 | What is cleverer than a talking cat ? A spelling bee ! | 3 |
5 | Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to start the journey from I Can't Breathe Without You to I'll Choke You Out In Public. | 2 |
5 | Hey does anyone know how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism? | 1 |
6 | dentist was flossing my teeth & said "they're very tight" & I said "yeah they're homies" & he laughed so loud that it made me uncomfortable | 10 |
6 | Christopher: Why did the sausage quit playing baseball?
Anthony: Beats me.
Christopher: Because he was the wurst on his team. | 9 |
6 | The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested
I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence. | 8 |
6 | So this pirate walks into a bar and he has the ships wheel attached to his hips. The bar tender says, "wow that looks uncomfortable!" The pirate responds, "ARGH ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!" | 7 |
6 | I'm dyslexic, atheist and an insomniac... I stay up all night wondering if there *really* is a Dog. | 6 |
6 | Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Eggs can't cum. | 5 |
6 | Did you hear the submarine construction business closed down? Shame they went under | 4 |
6 | Tom Swiftie: “Look at that bird,” Tom chirped. | 3 |
6 | Where do trees keep their money? In branch banks. | 2 |
6 | If we could put bread in a particle collider... We could discover new quarks and glutons. | 1 |
6 | German Dream
We were talking about the American dream in class and the teacher said to a German boy if he had a German dream. He said, "We did but no-one liked it." | 3 |
6 | Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god
God:"You already know you're going to hell, but before that I'll give you one wish."
Hitler:"Alright, let me kill 10 million Jews and one Swedish man."
God:"Why the Swedish man?"
Hitler:"I knew you didn't give a fuck about the Jews." | 2 |
6 | "Visa... it's everywhere you want to be." Visa is in Halle Berry's ass? | 1 |
6 | I really want to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back | 3 |
6 | Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines! | 2 |
6 | TOM SWIFTIE: “What’s with all the excitement around the beehive?” Tom buzzed. | 1 |
6 | Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! | 3 |
6 | Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?
Swarm | 2 |
6 | Trevor: Why do news reporters hang out at the ice-cream shop?
Mack: I have no idea.
Trevor: Because they are always looking for a scoop! | 1 |
6 | Logan: Why was the dog so good at coloring between the lines?
Matt: I have no idea.
Logan: It was a border collie! | 3 |
6 | A PUNNY BOOK: "Major Football Games" by Rose Bole. | 2 |
6 | If I worked at Starbucks I'd pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time. "I see you're drinking 2%, is that because you think you're fat?" | 1 |
6 | What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship | 3 |
6 | Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries". | 2 |
6 | What do you call it when you shoot 49 hot loads in people at a gay bar? An Orlando ~~black~~ *white* sheet party... | 1 |
6 | This is gonna be misinterpreted, but I've been sitting on hard wood for an hour and my ass is killing me | 3 |
6 | Trump's pussy grabbing days are behind him... But now he has his finger on a different red button. | 2 |
6 | What was the last pizza the twin towers had? A plane one. | 1 |
7 | I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.
I'm tired of being fat every day. | 10 |
7 | I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’ | 9 |
7 | What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex?
I'll be home in 20 minutes. | 8 |
7 | WE WOULD BE RICH IF YOU SAID JUST ONE DAMN WORD! -drunken me to my dog | 7 |
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