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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks: "Do you like potato...
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight" the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They'...
One day a man with an elephant walks into a movie theater. “I’m afraid I can’t let your elephant in here, sir,” the manager says. “Oh, I assure you, he’s very well behaved,” the man says. “All right then,” the manager says. “If you’re sure. …” After the movie, the manager says to the man, “I’m very surprised...
A couple have been married 25 years, and one day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500. He asked his wife and she responded, "Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet." The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife three times. "OK," he said, "that explains t...
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt" She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat ...
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right o...
Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again... Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got...
A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast. Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home. "You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants." "Jesus! So th...
A Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar... As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!” The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”
A Boy Scout went around his neighborhood looking for a job. “I’ll pay you $20 to paint my porch,” said one neighbor. The Scout agreed and went to work. A few hours later, the Scout knocked on the neighbor’s door and said, “I’m all finished, but your car is a Mercedes, not a Porsche.”
A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed." A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away." "What makes ...
LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working” “If your name is Michael, please stand up” Then a couple dudes stand up And he goes “That concludes the mike check” &#x200B; stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a ...
A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar. The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?" "Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor." Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the...
Trump and Obama getting haircut is same barbershop Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished th...
A man is showing off his new apartment... After a night at the bar, he brings his friends up, where he has large brass gong and a mallet. "What's with the gong and mallet?" One of his friends asked. "It's not a gong, it's a talking clock," the man replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" "Yup." "How's it work?" The ...
Sperm bank A man and. woman are chatting in an elevator. "What are you up to today?" he asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20 a pint." "Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon." The woman gets a strange l...
A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet... The first caller get's through, "Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?" "Goan!" "Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?" "Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing un...
An African Lumberjack An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe. "Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said. The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop. "Holy...
A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim. Of course they're swimming naked as you do. All of a sudden, two busses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbis congregation and out of the other pours the priests congregation. Their clothes are on the other side of the lake so ...
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror... The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous...
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again. Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend g...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a r...
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon... "Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it." "And he won?" I said. "Well, no" he mumbled. "The c...
Two monkeys, one is lucky and the other is not... Everyday they go to a banana farm and the lucky one climbs a tree and throws the bananas to the other one. And everyday, the farm owner gathers the farmers and catch the unlucky monkey and beat him. One day, the unlucky monkey is fed up with the beating and tells the...
A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, “I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife.” A voice from the other end of the bar called out, “You’ll need more ammo”
In a hotel a engineer, a physicist and a mathematician... ... are sleeping when a fire breaks out. The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again. But the fire breaks out again. The...
Jalen: A man came by my house today asking for donations for the new town swimming pool. Caleb: How much did you give him? Jalen: One glass.
One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers. When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it. When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it. When they got to the ...
A woman’s on vacation and calls home She asks her husband, "How’s my cat doing?" The husband says, "The cat’s dead." The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can...
A fly feels a bug on its back "Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?", it asks "I mite be", giggles the mite "That's the worst pun I've ever heard", groans the fly "What do you expect?", says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly" &#x200B; ^(I apologise. My bro just sent it to me and I had to pass on the mi...
A son walks in on his parents having sex NSFW The parents see the boy and he runs off to his room. The mother puts on her robe and goes into the boys room The boy ask his mother what she was doing. “You know how daddy has a big stomach? Sometimes mummy has to get on top of daddy and flatten it.” “You’re wasting y...
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks ‘Why is the last one so cheap?’ "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says...
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?" He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
My wisdom will kill me one day I went to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the whisky before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very ...
A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane. Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students. All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic. The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was...
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk. "Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"
A Jewish man and a Czechoslovakian man... ..were walking in a national forest. All of a sudden, a bear appeared and ate the Czechoslovakian man. The Jewish guy ran back to find someone to help. He found a Forest Ranger and told him what had happened. So the ranger took a gun and went back into the forest. There were tw...
A college professor started to notice that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention. So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer". Later th...
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum and coke!” The anti-vaxxer does nothing. She collapsed and died from polio.
A man was walking through the woods when a bear started to chase him. Soon the man tired of running, fell to his knees and prayed, “Lord, please don’t let this bear eat me.” The man noticed the bear was also praying: “Lord, thank you for this meal I am about to receive.”
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the...
My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today. A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic sa...
A woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap. "Because he used to live in a brothel," says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 ...
A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer. The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on. The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to ...
There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home. He smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of fo...
Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock... Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No idiot... Cows go moo!
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you." Husba...
Dollar for a dirty joke I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johnny, there is black rooster alri...
Handjobs [nsfw] A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" "Yes, I am," she replies seductively. "Well, wash your hands, I w...
A girl is having sex with her boyfriend [NSFW] At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "... I'm sorry" The dad being a dad replies "Hi Sorry! I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fuc...
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him. The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he need...
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says... "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into...
An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word. The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, an...
I just made love to my girlfriend. She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?” I took off my condom, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet. “Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drive...
I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said "Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window. He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?" Officer: "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if the...
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board... She decides to report it to the pilot immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!" The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force...
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man asks, “And how would you do that?” &#x200B; The woman says, “Just wait and see.” &#x200B; She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. &#x200B; The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” &#x...
Pretty women sneezes At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops he...
A woman marries a man and has 10 children. The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children. The next man dies, so the woman remarries again and has ten more children. That man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children... The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well. At the funera...
I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop "Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
69 A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again. Before she can have a third go, her boyfri...
A woman marries a man and has 10 children. The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children. The next man dies, so the woman remarries again and has ten more children. That man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children... The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well. At the fune...
My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche. Astonished, my wife asked her “How could you afford this?!” “You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,” she replied. Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, “I think I’ll start doing that.” “Me too,” I replied, turning...
A turtle was crossing the road when two snails mugged him. The police showed up and asked the turtle what happened. “I don’t know,” the turtle replied. “It all happened so fast.”
A man brings home flowers to his wife A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them. Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?" His wife replies "For the flowers of course" He...
I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish... I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish. When she got to my place, she asked if we could just masturbate to some foot porn together instead of having sex. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I agreed anyway. At the end of i...
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 ne...
How bout a blowjob? Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off...
A couple, both age 27, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened se...
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five!” “Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to our calculations, you’re eighty two.” “How’d you get that?” the lawyer asks. St. Peter says, “We added up your time sheets.”
A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he s...
"When one door closes, another opens", he said. "That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car." Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the cr
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset. The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I...
A blonde's office computer had technical issues IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account. "It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied. "A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked. She went "Because computer said t...
Three friends bragged about who has had the most sex... Friend A said “You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and I have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women.” Friend B says “Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gy...
The Shredder A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly!" said the young ...
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom. On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore." I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe. As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
I bumped into an old school friend today I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He s...
In USSR we had this joke An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the m...
Blonde guy gets home from work... Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting. "Honey! Help! I'm having a heart attack!" He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and d...
I saw my midget neighbour on my way home today . "Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock. (I made this up myself, I’m really proud of it)
A blonde goes to work in tears. A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?" She says, "My mom died." He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine." Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?" She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
Sex with the priest's wife Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to kee...
Pretty woman sneezes At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops he...
A girl is dared by a boy to climb the school flagpole. She bets him five dollars that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets her five bucks. She tells her mom after school, feeling proud of her accomplishment. “Oh honey, he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” ...
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks ‘Why is the last one so cheap?’ "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 ...
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
So this pirate walks into a bar and he has the ships wheel attached to his hips. The bar tender says, "wow that looks uncomfortable!" The pirate responds, "ARGH ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom. On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore." I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe. As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2...
An old man tells his doctor that his wife never has an orgasm while they are having sex. The doctor suggests that perhaps she is overheating. So when the man gets home he asks his young and good-looking gardener to assist by waving a towel to cool off his wife while they are having sex. The gardener is reluctant but ...
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, v...
Not Horny..... A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladie...
I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
A teenage girl was having sex with her boyfriend... at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are y...

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