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should you report the plate or something? | nah, just want five minutes alone with their side mirror |
So what's the weirdest thing you've wondered about while stuck in that car for hours? | oh man, okay so i started thinking about whether squirrels have like a collective memory, you know? like do they pass down 'that tree has the good nuts' through generations or is it just each squirrel figuring it out fresh every fall. and then that led to wondering if i could train a dog to be a squirrel spy, which is ... |
what happened with your presentation yesterday? | she stood up and called it her whole strategy. right in front of everyone. |
did you tear up or was it more of a stoic dad moment | tearing up? please. i was doing that quiet ugly cry thing where you're trying to hide it but your nose is running. three in the morning on a rooftop and i'm a complete mess over a three-word sentence. |
gonna frame that moment or just keep replaying it in your head forever | probably both. i mean i already texted my sister about it at like 2am like a lunatic. she's gonna think i've finally lost it. but honestly that little voice just saying it out of nowhere... yeah that's getting replayed on loop for the next decade. |
so wait — you actually got in? the one you said was a pipe dream? | yeah no I'm still kind of reeling. like I checked the email three times and then called my mom to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. it's this program I literally told myself not to get attached to because the acceptance rate is like six percent or something stupid. but then there it was in my inbox and I just sat there... |
remember that time in college when you pulled an all-nighter and crashed in the library? | this feels worse somehow. back then i had youth on my side, now i've got this diner coffee that's basically sludge and a meeting i haven't prepped for in about six hours |
didn't you once say you'd never let a deadline own you like this again? | yeah well that was before i learned how to lie to myself real good. it's just the slides aren't gonna build themselves and i'm out of excuses at this point |
did you just call your boss mom or what | oh god the silence after was so loud |
wait what happened on that call you mentioned | full name and everything then just froze |
so what are you gonna do about the airline? | like I don't even know where to start with them. been on hold for an hour and a half and every time I get through they transfer me to someone else who has no idea what's happening. my mom's handmade veil was in there. the one she wore at her own wedding. and the lady on the phone just kept saying we'll file a report li... |
have you figured out what you're doing next? | trying to but every option feels like the wrong one you know. could go buy something off the rack but that's not the point. the point is everything was picked out perfectly down to the shoes and now it's just gone somewhere in a warehouse probably sitting under someone else's luggage. my roommate keeps saying at least ... |
what should i do with these old boxes in the garage? | oh keep them. trust me. |
you gonna scan those photos or what? | nah... just sit with 'em a minute. |
wait you really think someone's been following you? | every night this week same guy gets off the bus right after me. doesn't live on our street though i checked. makes my stomach drop every time. |
so what happened that made you actually notice? | yesterday he stood under the streetlight and just watched till i got to my door. like he wanted me to see him standing there. feels like a bad movie. |
wait what happened? you look like you saw a ghost | found an old voicemail from my grandma. from like three years ago. she's gone now so hearing her voice just... didn't expect it |
you alright? you're just staring at your phone | my uncle left a voicemail before he passed. never even knew it was saved. just heard him say my name and honestly couldn't breathe for a second |
So you're still waiting on those results? | any minute now they say. any minute. this bus is doing that lurching thing that makes my stomach match the vibe. |
Has the doctor's office given you any kind of timeline? | sure, a vague one. 'soon.' which is just long enough to mentally redecorate the entire waiting room in my head. |
seriously? what went down? | walked me through every slide like she built it. i just sat there. boss gave her a bonus on the spot. nice, right? |
you still reading or just letting the book sit there? | pretty sure I'm just moving my eyes now, not actually seeing anything |
did you finally figure out the difference between a tort and a treat? | honestly at this point I'd take the treat |
you're grinning like an idiot, what happened? | he just... said 'more water please' clear as day |
did something good happen at home this morning? | full sentence from the little one. blew my mind honestly |
so they seriously messed it up again? | laughed in my face too. dead serious. |
what'd they say when you pointed it out the second time? | oh just 'our bad' with a shrug. real professional. |
you look wiped, you been up all night again? | third one this week. thought i could catch up on the flight but my brain just buzzes. gate's empty and i'm still trying to solve everything at once. |
that bad, huh? what's going on? | just can't seem to stop. every time i finish one thing three more pop up. feel like i'm running on fumes and the airport carpet's starting to look comfortable. |
you've been people-watching for a while now, what's the wildest theory you've cooked up? | the guy in the hawaiian shirt. been here since before i sat down. hasn't moved once. not to charge his phone not to get water not even to look at the board. just sits there staring straight ahead. i think he's a plant. like an airport plant. they station him at different gates to make it look like people actually choos... |
Wait, why'd you just freeze up like that? | oh god that lady's perfume — it's my grandma's exactly |
You look like you just saw a ghost, what happened? | that woman's scent — straight up grandma's kitchen, man |
so you're telling me a total stranger just bought your coffee and left a note and now you're out back staring at the moon? | d-don't make fun, it was a really nice note |
what'd it even say, 'you look like you need caffeine'? | something about having a good day. still got it in my pocket. |
you sure you didn't fall asleep with your face in the outline again? | kiddo i'd have to find the outline first. right now the words just sort of float off the page and giggle at me. |
did you finally set that book on fire or are we still in the 'pretending to study' phase? | oh we're way past pretending. i'm in the phase where i read the same sentence six times and it still sounds like a foreign language i made up. |
Hey, you okay? You've been out here a while. | just realized it's been like a full week since I actually talked to someone. not small talk, not 'pass the salt,' just... talked. the quiet in this place is loud at this hour. |
You're not usually up this late on the balcony — what's going on? | been counting the days since anyone asked me something real. seven days of surface-level stuff, you know? even the dog just gives me this look like 'buddy, you're fading.' |
wait who did you accidentally send it to? | the group chat. the one she's literally in. saw those three dots pop up and my soul just left my body for a solid ten seconds. |
did they actually see the message? | oh they saw it. read receipt at 2am. tried to play it off as a 'haha wrong chat' but the silence after was louder than anything i've ever heard. |
oh no, is the napkin a practice microphone or a white flag? | it's both actually. been running through the toast in my head while staring at a sad sandwich and forgetting how words work entirely. |
worst case you drop the mic and it rolls into the punch bowl, right? | that's the best case scenario. worst case i freeze mid-sentence and just start naming every condiment on the table. |
remember that time you called your supervisor 'sweetheart' in front of everyone? | yeah well this one's worse because at least that supervisor laughed. my boss just stared at me for a solid five seconds like i'd grown a second head. |
kind of like when you waved at the wrong car and thought it was me for a whole minute? | except this time thirty people saw it and the recording probably got saved somewhere. the mute button was my only friend in that moment. |
you gonna puke before you even get to the mic or what | pretty sure my soul already left my body somewhere between the gravy and the jukebox |
what's the plan, just wing it or did you write something down | got it on a napkin in my pocket but my hands are shaking so bad it's probably just a blurry mess now |
so what're you gonna do about that ticket? | take a picture, fight it online, probably lose anyway |
you gonna just pay it or fight it? | fight it obviously, that sign was literally invisible |
so what's the plan for the speech tomorrow, you got it mapped out? | mapped out? cousin i've got like seventeen versions and none of them make sense past the first sentence. was trying to practice in front of the mirror earlier and just stared at my own face for a solid minute before going 'okay nope.' the ceiling fan in here is making this weird clicking sound that i swear is counting ... |
you think you'll be able to get through it without totally losing it? | oh i've already accepted there's gonna be a moment where my voice cracks like i'm thirteen again. the worst part is knowing my uncle greg will definitely record it and send it to everyone i've ever met. been staring at this childhood poster of some band i don't even listen to anymore and thinking wow that poster has se... |
wait so you just opened the box and it had your name on it? | nah that's the weird part, it had some lady's name i've never heard of but inside was the exact vinyl i was about to order. felt like the universe was playing a prank on me. |
what'd you do when you saw what was in there? | just stood there staring at the label like five times, you know, thinking maybe i was hallucinating from too much coffee. then i called my roommate to confirm i wasn't losing it. |
so who's the birthday kid's parent that's apparently a big deal? | turns out dave from accounting has a gaming channel with like half a million subscribers. found out when some kid asked for a photo and he just casually posed like it was nothing. |
wait you actually met someone famous at this thing? | yeah jenna the balloon animal lady? she's got a tiktok with three million followers. she was just standing there twisting poodle shapes like it was her day job. |
So you actually went up in that? | thought it would be fine you know, like okay a bit bumpy whatever. but like the second we hit that first patch the whole plane just dropped and i grabbed the yoke so hard my knuckles went white. and then the instructor's like 'you got this' and i'm thinking no i really really don't. the instruments were all over the pl... |
Was it as bad as you thought it'd be? | worse. like way worse. i mean i knew turbulence was a thing but feeling it through the controls when you're the one flying is just... different. the whole plane was shuddering and i could hear stuff rattling in the back. kept thinking what if i make the wrong move and we just- you know. and my voice kept cracking when ... |
hang on, what's going on? | we were in the library and she dozed off leaning against a stack of old sociology texts. her mouth fell open a little and there's this tiny snore she'd kill me for mentioning. i just sat there holding her coffee so it wouldn't spill and thinking about all the years we spent building this life. the mortgage arguments an... |
so what'd you do when they said it? | nearly dropped the grocery bag, honestly. |
did you tear up a little? | had to blame it on the sun coming through the windshield. |
how's the coffee out here — worth the trip across the country? | caffeine's the only thing keeping me vertical honestly. last time i sat down with a full cup was maybe july. dad's got this new thing where he needs someone in the room to fall asleep so even nights aren't mine. |
you look like you're about five seconds from falling asleep standing up | mom's physical therapy at six am and then the grocery run and then the pharmacy and then explaining to her for the tenth time why i can't just move back in. i'm running on fumes and bad deli coffee and it's barely ten. |
okay what's with the thousand-yard stare, did that song just bring back visions of bad seventh-grade slow dances? | man the DJ playing that one three times a night |
wait, is this the song everyone slow-danced to while standing six feet apart? | honestly that sax riff still hits different though |
what's your next move after this shift? | trying to get that spice blend right. he never wrote it down so it's all just guessing and tasting and hoping. |
got any plans for the weekend or just crashing? | been messing with his old sunday gravy recipe. the onions have to go in at just the right moment or the whole thing's off. |
you're just staring at that guy eating a sandwich, aren't you | okay but that's a really aggressive bite technique |
so you're telling me nobody interesting has walked by yet | that pigeon has better life choices than me though |
Wait, you still remember that dumb thing I said three months ago? | you mentioned hating cilantro and i've never looked at a taco the same way since |
How do you even recall the name of that coffee shop I went to once? | because you said the barista there had perfect handwriting and i filed it away like a receipt |
you sure you're not running on fumes and caffeine at this point? | nah just fumes honestly |
think you'll make it past the cake cutting or should we call a medic? | cake might actually save me |
hey, you've been weirdly quiet since we sat down. what's up with that? | just got an email like an hour ago from some law firm i've never heard of. no subject line just a name and 'regarding your recent activities' which sounds so ominous. been sitting here watching the waves crash and trying to figure out if i accidentally torrented something or if this is about that time i signed that wei... |
you keep checking your phone like it's gonna bite you. what happened? | there's this email sitting in my inbox from a lawyer and i'm too scared to open the attachment. like what if it's a cease and desist for that dumb meme page i ran sophomore year? or worse like my parents hired someone to scare me about college applications. the sunset's pretty but my brain's just replaying every dumb t... |
remember how you used to scream at that old hatchback for tailgating us on the way to the beach? | almost took out a whole bus full of kids because of some jackass in a BMW |
you always had a short fuse about bad drivers, even back when we were dating, didn't you? | that guy could've killed someone. my hands are still shaking |
you look like you just saw a ghost, what's wrong? | got an email from some law firm at 2am. that's never good. |
that phone in your hand is practically shaking, what happened? | lawyer just emailed me out of nowhere. yeah this is fine. |
What's got you so quiet tonight? | just found this old shoebox of letters. wild how a voice can live on paper like that. |
You're staring off at nothing — what's on your mind? | found letters from a friend i lost touch with. makes you wonder where the time went. |
so what do you do when a stranger does something that nice for you? | heh, I mean the waitress pointed him out, just some kid in a ball cap slipping out the door. left a ten and a napkin that said 'you looked like you needed a win today.' |
you gonna try to find him and thank him proper? | nah, I figure that'd spoil it somehow, you know? like the whole point was it being anonymous. just gonna pay it forward next time I see someone having a rough morning. |
so you actually put 'the end' on it after all this time? | you know, I wrote those two words and just sat there staring at the page. felt like closing a door on a room I'd been living in. then my granddaughter saw my face and asked if I'd won the lottery. |
did you do anything special when you typed that last sentence? | made myself a cup of tea and sat out on the porch watching the sunset. figured after three years of those characters talking in my head, they deserved a quiet send-off. still can't quite believe it's done. |
so did you actually get any sleep last night or were you too busy practicing your crowd wave? | sleep? at my age sleep is optional. spent the whole night figuring out which earplugs let you still hear the vocals but protect what's left of my hearing. |
front row seats huh — did you have to sell a kidney or just promise your firstborn? | neither, just cashed in the retirement fund for something that actually matters. at seventy you learn what's worth splurging on and this is it. |
so you tried making that old Sunday stew thing? | had to look up three steps online. his handwriting's impossible. |
did the whole house end up smelling like his place used to? | kinda wish it didn't. hurts more than i figured. |
remember how they'd always steal the last slice of your bread and leave the empty bag in the fridge? | yeah that was their signature move. guess that's one less thing to be annoyed about now. lucky me. |
didn't they insist on picking out that weird mint jelly you never actually used? | oh god that jelly. still sitting in the back of the door. think i'll just leave it there as a monument to questionable decisions. |
so did you actually send it to her or just think about it really hard | no okay so i sent it and my thumb just slipped right as i was about to lock the phone and it went to her and i saw the little delivered tag pop up and i just sat there frozen in this stupid airport chair with my tray of sad soggy fries just staring at the screen like maybe if i don't blink she'll un-see it and then she... |
wait you didn't actually hit send on that rant did you | oh i absolutely did and it was the most tragic combination of bad wifi and overconfidence like i was sitting there typing out this whole thing about how she always talks over people at lunch and i hit send and realized the chat was her name not my group chat and just had that full body cringe moment where you kinda wan... |
you got that look — what's the weird dream you had last night? | oh you're gonna love this. i dreamt the cat could talk and she was filing a formal complaint about the quality of her treats. had a whole powerpoint and everything. |
you're smiling at nothing — dream stuff again? | yeah so apparently my brain decided to host a late-night infomercial where i was the product. some guy in a bad wig kept saying 'but wait there's more' every time i tried to leave. |
Wait, you actually got them? How did you even pull that off without me hearing about it? | pure dumb luck honestly. refreshing the page at 2am on a Tuesday while hiding from the janitor and there they were. front row center somehow. |
No way you're serious — how did you swing front row tickets for that show? | some kind of presale glitch I think. kept hitting refresh like a maniac and suddenly two popped up right when the coffee machine clicked off. |
remember that time you did that thing at the office party with the song? | oh god don't. that was the night i decided to really commit to the wrong chorus. like full belting 'living on a prayer' but the actual song was 'i want it that way' and i just kept going. the kid running the machine had to stop and ask if i was okay. your mother still brings it up at thanksgiving like it's some cherish... |
did you ever figure out why you thought it was bon jovi instead of backstreet boys? | you know what i think it was? the key change. that moment when the chorus hits and your brain just fills in whatever feels right. and i was so proud of myself for knowing the words except they were the wrong words to a different song entirely. forty-two years old and i'm out here creating mashups nobody asked for. at l... |
so you're telling me you actually managed to pull it off without her suspecting a thing? | yeah it was ridiculous. she thought we were just having coffee in the backyard and I'm standing there trying not to drop the ring box for like five minutes. |
did you have a whole speech planned or did you just wing it? | totally blanked on the speech part honestly. just kind of got down on one knee and went 'so... this is happening' and she laughed and then cried and it was perfect. |
whats the plan just waiting around? | yeah basically just watching this guy try to open a sugar packet with his teeth |
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