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you look like you're buzzing about something — what happened? | deadlift finally hit two plates. couldn't even yell about it. |
wait what did they actually do this time | ate the biryani I was saving. the one from that place I only get when I've had a week. came home to an empty container in the sink like it was nothing. |
seriously? the leftovers you mentioned? | yeah. had the whole thing planned out for tonight after this study session. now I'm just sitting here whispering about it in the library while he's probably sleeping it off. |
you actually got any boxes yet or is it still just the mental planning phase? | oh the kitchen is a war crime right now honestly |
did you at least figure out which stuff's going where or is that just a future you problem? | the tape dispenser laughed at me and i just stood there |
so you showed up a day early — how'd that even happen? | oh the host just stared at me like i was a ghost |
did they at least let you in or was it super awkward? | door cracked open two inches the whole time |
you just got home right? like you're finally done for the night? | yeah i think so? honestly stopped checking what day it was around shift four or five. the fluorescent lights in that break room make everything feel like the same endless Tuesday. tried to eat a granola bar earlier and just stared at it for ten minutes before realizing i forgot to unwrap it. my brain is basically on ai... |
did you at least get a chance to sit down for like five minutes today? | sat down? oh you mean the two minutes i spent hunched over the nurse's station counter trying to remember if i already signed off on Mrs. Chen's discharge papers. my legs are so done they might file a formal complaint. kept walking into rooms and forgetting why i was there. at one point i just stood in the supply close... |
Wait, you've been quiet all afternoon — what happened? | biopsy results should be in tomorrow but the nurse said 'no news is good news' and now i'm like... is that actually true or is she just saying that |
What's going on? You look like you're somewhere else. | just got this voicemail from the doctor's office saying they'll call tomorrow and my brain is already writing the worst possible script, you know? |
did it match what they told you it would be? | oh god no, like not even close to what they said, they told me fifty-eight to sixty-two and this thing came in at sixty-eight after taxes somehow, I literally screenshot it and sent it to myself three times so I wouldn't lose the proof, and now I'm trying to figure out if I can finally fix that transmission without eat... |
you're coming off a twelve-hour shift and still heading to her place, huh? how do you even keep the lights on inside? | honestly the trick is I don't really feel anything anymore — just this low hum of gotta do the next thing. yesterday I stood in the grocery aisle for like ten minutes staring at pasta shapes because I couldn't remember if she liked elbows or shells. some guy bumped into me with his cart and I just smiled at him like ev... |
wow mom look at you just sitting there like a hostage, you good? | deadline number seven says hi from my inbox. |
bet you're daydreaming about spreadsheets again huh | spreadsheets and the sweet release of silence. |
so what are you gonna do about the whole famous thing? | dry my sheets and pretend i never saw that twitter account. some things you can't unsee at three in the morning. |
any idea what you're gonna say to them tomorrow? | probably nothing. just gonna keep folding my socks and let them keep their secret. feels like finding out your cat's been moonlighting as a lounge singer. |
Wait, you look like you're still seeing red — what happened on the drive down? | some guy nearly put me into a school bus. brake-checked me for no reason. |
You seem all wound up still — bad traffic getting here? | moron cut me off so hard I almost ate a school bus bumper. |
Bet you never thought you'd be up this late folding tiny socks again at our age, huh? | not exactly how i pictured retirement. two grandkids with the stomach bug and the washing machine's been running since tuesday. the pile just keeps staring at me. |
Hotel room looks cozy from your photos, but your voice sounds a bit frayed around the edges. | just got off the phone with my daughter. both kids are down with fevers and she's drowning in laundry. i'm three hundred miles away and all i can do is stare at this ceiling fan. |
wait you're up at 3am why are you on the leg press right now | trying to tire myself out so i stop replaying the toast in my head. five minutes in and i already messed up the opener twice. |
did you actually write something down or are you still winging it | wrote it down. lost the paper. rewrote it. dropped my phone in the sink. at this point the universe is just telling me to keep it simple. |
remember that time you found those concert tickets from college and got all quiet? | oh these letters just hit different |
this is like when you found that old mix tape at your mom's place, right? | yeah same kind of ache I guess |
so what's the tea from the fourth floor today? | oh mark actually cried during the budget meeting |
anything juicy happen while i was out sick? | susan finally called dave out for stealing her yogurt |
did you get the license plate or were you too busy trying not to become a headline? | oh i got it alright. etched into my brain. but what am i gonna do with it, call the cops at 3:15 am and say hey some guy in a dodge ram almost made me kill twenty kindergartners. they'd laugh me off the line. plus the adrenaline wore off and now i'm just sitting here on this stationary bike whispering to you like a lun... |
wait what happened, you look weirdly calm | got into the coastal ecology program. the one i said was a long shot. apparently they disagree. |
hold on, what's with the face? | just found out i'm spending next summer digging up fossils on an island. for credit. not bad for a tuesday. |
hey, you look like you're about to face a firing squad, not a wedding. that bad? | oh it's worse. my hands are shaking so bad i can barely hold this coffee cup. and the toast i wrote? looks like a chicken scratched it out. |
what's the matter, forget your speech at the diner or something? | no, i remember every single word. that's the problem. they're all lined up in my head like they're about to march me off a cliff. |
remember that time you got so mad at the toaster you unplugged it and just stared at the wall for ten minutes? | god yeah that was like a month ago. feels like a different person now. i don't think i've actually talked to anyone since like last tuesday you know just really talked. |
hey weren't you the one who said silence is only awkward if you make it awkward? | yeah that was me being stupid. silence isn't awkward it's like this giant empty thing. haven't had a real conversation in a week just hi and bye and microwave beeps. |
you didn't even apply for that role though, right? | no, that's the thing, i didn't even have it on my radar. margaret called me into her office yesterday and i thought oh god here comes the feedback session about the quarterly report. and then she just goes we're moving you up. i just sat there staring at her like she'd grown a second head. still not convinced this isn'... |
did you have any clue this was coming down the line? | none. zero. like you know how sometimes you get that weird little whisper from your gut that something's about to happen? i didn't even get that. i was just going about my day, grabbing coffee from the break room, complaining to myself about the copier being jammed again. then bam. my brain literally went blank for a s... |
wait, what happened on that video call you mentioned? | called my boss 'mom' on a company-wide. in front of like forty people. |
so spill, how bad was the work call thing? | the 'yes mom' slipped out. my boss paused so long the silence got heavy. |
so what do you think you're gonna do about it? | oh i'm definitely telling rachel tonight. she's been waiting for this kind of tea for weeks and the look on her face is gonna be priceless |
wait do you actually have a plan or are you just gonna let it sit? | no plan yet but honestly i kind of love watching it unfold from the sidelines. like every time she walks by his desk he goes all red and it's the best thing ever |
you're just sitting there watching people, aren't you? like a little park detective | okay maybe a little. but this guy just walked past with a tiny dog and a giant coffee and they were matching outfits, like the same shade of beige. felt like i was witnessing a tiny life choice. |
bet you're making up whole life stories for everyone, huh? | oh absolutely. that woman on the bench with the notebook just looked up at the sky and smiled for no reason. she's definitely writing a letter to someone she hasn't talked to in years. i feel like i know her whole arc now. |
what are you going to do once we get back home | home is a weird word right now. like we've been in this room so long the carpet pattern is burned into my brain and the mini fridge hums in E flat. honestly i think i'll just sit on the floor of the apartment for an hour and let the cat decide if i'm still allowed to exist. maybe unpack the bag then repack it just to f... |
remember when they used to just stare at you from across the room like you were the only thing in focus? | yeah and now they just say it out loud like it's nothing. caught me so off guard I almost dropped my coffee. kids really don't know the power they hold. |
didn't they used to hide behind your leg every time someone said hi? | total flip today. looked me dead in the eye and dropped the L word like it was no big deal. my heart basically did a backflip while I stood there pretending to be chill. |
you've been sitting there a while — friend stood you up again? | third time this month. getting real tired of it. |
that look on your face says something went sideways — what happened? | canceled on me again. don't even know why i bother. |
you ever have those weeks where the silence gets loud? | it's like I've been talking at people all week but not with anyone. even the checkout lady at the grocery store counts at this point |
when did you last have a proper catch-up with someone? | honestly can't remember which is the worst part. just work calls and my neighbor yelling at her dog. feels like I'm broadcasting on an empty frequency |
wait, what happened with that screenshot? | sent it right to the guy I was ranting about. perfect timing. |
so why do you look like you wanna disappear? | accidentally sent my vent text to the person I was venting about. |
so what are you gonna do about the landlord now? | thinking about just sending him a photo with the time and date stamp and a real simple 'fix this or my mom calls the city' — like not even angry just done pretending it's fine |
you gonna try to get them to pay for the damage or what? | my cousin works at a hardware store and said he'd hook me up with drywall at cost. feels weird taking charge like this but someone's gotta and it sure won't be them |
remember that time you tried to teach them to say 'cheese' for a photo and they just stared at you like you were insane? | oh man that was nothing compared to today. so we're at breakfast right and she just looks up from her cereal and goes 'more milk please' like it's the most normal thing in the world and i nearly dropped my coffee. been waiting months for this and she picks the moment i'm half asleep with hair in my face. had to text th... |
wasn't there that one time you swore they said 'dada' but it was just them blowing a raspberry? | oh totally that's exactly why i didn't believe it at first. she's been doing this thing where she makes a sound and i'm like 'did you just—' and then she just giggles. but today she looked right at me clear as day and said 'more milk please' and i froze like a statue. my mom was on facetime and caught the whole thing s... |
what's got you looking so thrilled over there? | the grad program i never thought i'd get into — they actually said yes. been grinning like an idiot all through the salad course |
you seem like you're about to burst — what happened? | that master's program i applied to on a whim? called me yesterday. thought they'd never look twice at someone my age but here we are |
so what's got you looking like you're about to punch a wall? | landlord finally fixed the ceiling. three weeks too late. |
you got that look. landlord again? | yep. leak caved in last night. fun times. |
So you finally got some real sleep or was that just a nap? | first real stretch in maybe four months. mom had a bad night last night and i was up till like three. then i just crashed out on the balcony and my friend found me here |
What's the thing you'd do first if you got a whole day to yourself? | honestly i'd probably just sit in a parking lot and stare at nothing for an hour. or go to a hardware store and walk every aisle real slow without looking at my phone |
hey, you got real quiet when we passed your old street — everything okay? | they painted it beige. like... completely beige. that bright yellow door i used to lean against while waiting for the bus? just gone. feels like a stranger lives there now. |
did you see your old house? what'd you think of the new color? | ugh, that weird lavender they slapped on it. like, i know it's just paint but that was the house my mom hung christmas lights from every single year. feels like a different timeline now. |
remember that raccoon you swore was a burglar last summer? | this is way worse than a raccoon I swear |
didn't you say the backdoor lock was sticky earlier? | yeah and now I'm regretting not fixing it |
what's got you grinning at those old envelopes? | found a whole shoebox of letters from my college roommate. we used to send these ridiculous five-page rants about nothing. haven't talked in like eight years now. |
you look like you're a thousand miles away, what's in that box? | old letters from someone i used to be inseparable with. reading them now it's like watching a movie of two kids who thought they'd be best friends forever. |
you remember that time we tried to paint my dorm room with those sample pots from the hardware store? | oh man that's what it looked like. some sad beige situation now, not even a color with a personality. made me wonder if whoever lives there knows what they painted over. |
didn't you once say the mailbox had a dent from when your brother backed into it? | yep still there actually. just a little more rust around the edges now. funny what stays the same when everything else decides to get a fresh coat of boring. |
so what are you gonna do now? | god i don't even know. like i had this whole thing mapped out you know? the apartment i was gonna get. the way i'd text my mom after the first week. and now it's just... nothing. sitting in this airport watching everyone else go somewhere and i'm just going back to the same bedroom with the same crack in the ceiling. f... |
any idea what your next move is? | honestly not a clue. like part of me wants to just apply to anything random — you know something totally different. waiting tables again. working in a bookstore. but then i think about how long i spent on that cover letter. how i actually believed this time it would be different. and now i'm just sitting here at gate 1... |
wait, you actually liked a photo from five years ago? how'd you even find one that far back? | oh god okay so it was like 3am and i was in that hotel room by myself and you know how you just start scrolling and your thumb has its own agenda? somehow ended up on their profile and this photo from some vacation they took in like 2019 popped up and my finger just slipped or whatever and now it's just sitting there w... |
So I saw you just standing there by the fence for a good five minutes—what caught your eye? | That little girl over by the p-pine tree, she's chasing her dog with this old red frisbee. Reminded me of myself at that age, 'cept I was chasing my cousin's beagle with the same exact one. |
You've got that far-off look—everything okay? | Watching my grandson try to teach his pup to sit on that bench. Used to do that exact thing with my own dog, sitting there for hours pretending I was training him. Seeing it again just kinda hit me. |
remember that time you tried to make that fancy coffee and it exploded everywhere? | so that's nothing — try finding a live snake on your kitchen floor at 6am because your cat decided you needed a present. stood there with my coffee mug just staring at it like my brain had to reboot. |
did you ever figure out what happened with that weird noise in your car? | oh that was just the alternator dying slowly — but the snake thing was a whole different level of confusion. cat looked so proud too, like here mom i brought you a wiggly toy, you're welcome. |
you okay over there? you look like you're about to drop that dumbbell on your foot | yeah just — two kids with fevers at the same time and laundry took over the whole living room. came here to escape honestly but my brain's still in that pile. |
rough day? you've been staring at that water bottle for five minutes | just mentally running through which load of laundry is starting to smell and if i have the energy to care. kids are both down with the same bug and i'm basically a zombie with a gym bag. |
what exactly did they say when it happened? | just looked up from the birthday cake and goes 'i love you mommy' like it was nothing |
how'd you even react in the moment? | froze up and handed her another juice box like a complete idiot |
wait what happened with the package? | wrong name but it's the exact thing i wanted. wild right |
hold on, what do you mean? | like someone else ordered my dream hoodie. and it showed up at my door |
dude you look mortified, what's the story | sent the rant to the person I was ranting about. classic me. |
hold on what do you mean? | she left while i was at the hardware store buying lightbulbs. got back and the key was on the table under the little ceramic duck we bought in cornwall. the duck still had a receipt from 1987 underneath it like she'd been planning this for decades. our neighbor mrs davis saw her loading the car and said she was whistli... |
you're smiling at your phone pretty hard there | she left another note in my lunch. little heart and all. |
that lunch you brought looks suspiciously nice | yeah she d-did the sticky note thing again. forty years and it still gets me. |
what's that box you were digging out of your car? | oh just old letters. from back when me and sarah actually wrote each other. |
you get quiet looking at that stuff — what is it? | college-era letters. we used to send like ten pages a month. |
remember how you used to say he always picked the worst movies? | yeah but that was kind of the thing, you know? like i'd complain but secretly loved how bad his taste was. now i'm just standing here at 3am wondering if any of it was real. |
didn't she have that weird habit of humming when she was annoyed? | god yeah the humming. drove me crazy but now i catch myself listening for it in crowded rooms. like my brain still expects her to be there sighing about something i did wrong. |
wait you're really that nervous? | hands are literally shaking over here man |
what's the panic about? | blanked on the first three words already |
wait what happened to you? you look wrecked. | had a group project due at midnight and my part was literally held together by caffeine and spite. then the meeting got moved to seven thirty so here i am on a trail at dawn trying to remember how to human. |
dude what's wrong? you're like a zombie right now. | pulled an all-nighter finishing slides for this morning's pitch and then my laptop decided to update. been running on gas station coffee and pure dread for like ten hours now. |
So what are you gonna do while you wait? | oh you know just counting the pigeons one by one |
Any advice for this work thing I've got tomorrow? | wing it like the rest of us, what could go wrong |
remember when you said your dog hated my sneakers? | god she really did. would growl at them every time. |
you always said she'd bark at the mailman through the window, right? | yeah. w-was like her whole life mission honestly. |
remember you said you almost missed our first date because of something dumb? | got a ticket for parking on a public beach road at six in the morning. in february. the sign's buried under two inches of sand like it's been there for years. |
is this worse than that time you locked your keys in the car on our second date? | this is somehow more insulting. at least that was my own stupidity. this is the city actively trying to ruin my day before i've even had coffee. |
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