messages listlengths 2 2 |
|---|
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, I know, but it’s only for a couple of days, isn’t it…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah yes, that’s true. Come on, hurry up, Father!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, that’s right. Whoever would have thought it? The Duke of Edinburgh, consumed with passion, whisks away little Tally!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Shut up!!! Come on, get on with it, Father, will you?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, very well. Are you Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "No, I’m a bowl of soup! Come on, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Er, Mrs. … Ah…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, never mind, get on with it, Father, come on!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, but surely if she’s–"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Look, the Church is never going to progress if it isn’t just a bit adaptable!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "But this is most unusual! Well, mind you, hasn’t the Church always dealt with the unusual? The miracle with the fishes, for example. We’ll continue. So, no-one knows any cause or just impediment why these persons may not joined together in holy matimony."
},
{
"role": "... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…Smith! I called about the ducking-stool you found."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Mr. Applebottom, I was just wondering whether I could possibly have a temporary arrangement with your good lady. I only need her for a very short stint…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Get out!!!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Look, you stupid peasant, all I want to do is marry your wife!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Mummy, mummy, how much I love him!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I would never have believed that my stag party would be like this — the most depressing night of my life."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Well, My Lord, at least you can take solace from one thing."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What’s that?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "You can be pretty sure your wife’s a virgin."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Or at least there are no living witnesses to the contrary. If she wasn’t, we might still stand a chance. Officially, you’ve still got to be a virgin."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh, no… No… NO!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes! Yes! YES!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Please, My Lord, I beg you to reconsider."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Baldrick, if there was any other way, you know I’d take it."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "But I’ll die in there."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Don’t worry — we’ll give you a hero’s funeral; bury you at sea; say you died in combat with an enemy vessel. That’s it. There we are. Go on, in you go. Little boy with big job to do… Come on, Percy, let’s... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ohh!!!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "My Lord, Your Majesty…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "What?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I bring the gravest of news."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "What; have the armies of the Rhine been slaughtered to a man and their heads cut off, and melted cheese poured down their nostrils in the traditional Swiss manner?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "No, My Lord."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Do you bring me news of the Russian royal family mistaken for bison due to their excessive winter clothing, and hunted down, chopped to pieces and eaten as little sweets by Mongolian bandits?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "No, My Lord."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Well, what then?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "My Lord, the Spanish Infanta is not a virgin."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "We took five hundred off the dowry because of it."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "But I thought that–"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together, here in the sight of Our Lord, to witness the marriage of two God-fearing Christians. Are you Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, I am…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Marriage is an holy state, conceived by God. If any man here knows just cause why they may not be married… \\ \\"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh, dear Lord, please / help me now! /"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…let him speak now or forever hold his peace."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Now’s your chance!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "So be it."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh, thanks a lot!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Speak up — can’t hear a thing back here!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I do."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "STILL CAN’T HEAR!!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I do, I do, I do!!!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh no!!!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh, yes, Father, I think I’ve got one. Erm, yes: Princess Leia of Hungary."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What’s she like?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Leia is, er, “young and beautiful, her eyes are like opals and her hair a cascade of perfect chestnut.”"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh, well! That sounds all right, doesn’t it!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "My love! Beside me! Beside me!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Sorry, what can I do — politics!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Hello, Edmund."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Hello…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Are we getting married now?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, yes, I believe we are…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today–"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "“…and so it came to pass that the big bear had to leave all his friends in , and go to live in a land far away, where the elfs and the fairies would look after him until the day that ... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh, that was lovely, Edmund. What a happy story. Isn’t it time to put the light out?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, my dear, I think it is. It must be at least six o’clock…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah, Edmund, I’m glad I’ve caught you."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Er, doing what?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I’m afraid Father’s feeling a bit under the weather."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh dear! Any idea what?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Not sure — I think it’s probably Black Death. Nevertheless, I am sure that he’d appreciate a little visit from you…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh. Well, I’m sure I can pop my head round the door…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…sort of nowish."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Mother, would you like to…?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh, no, dear — he won’t let me near him. How is he?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, he’s up."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah. Very well. Gentlemen, I must leave you. Prince Edmund is in charge!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Er, yes, right. Gentlemen, right… As you know, today we face the gravest crisis this country has known since the Roman invasion. Lord 1: What about the Vik... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…and the Swiss invasion?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Er, well, the greatest crisis for some time. Lord 2: And we all know why! Why?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Because the King is possessed!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What?! Lord 2: True! True! The land is full of omens of bewitchment. Only last week in Cornwall, a man with four heads was seen taking tea on the beach; and two women in Windsor claimed to have be... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…and a friend of mine had this awful pimple on the inside of his nose!!!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Percy, shut up, for God’s sake."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…and a farmer in heard a cow reciting Geoffrey Chaucer; and a young woman in Shropshire saw Geoffrey Chaucer in a field, mooing and suckling a young heifer!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Gentlemen, gentlemen, surely we aren’t the sort of people who believe ... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I move that we do the only thing we can do to remove this curse from the kingdom."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah, well, that sounds like the answer, doesn’t it! Lord 1: Send for the Witchsmeller Pursuivant! Lord 2: Call for the"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "The Prince of Wales must be informed!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Percy, PERCY!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "What?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What the devil do you think you’re doing?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Look, look, I just can’t take the pressure of all these omens anymore!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Percy…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "No, no, really, I’m serious. Only this morning in the courtyard, I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Two horses standing next to each other?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, I suppose it could have been."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Honestly, Percy, I bet you’re just the sort of person who thinks that sticking your finger up a sheep’s bottom on Good Friday will make you fertile!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "That’s rubbish!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Quite, really."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "It’s Easter Monday."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, remind me not to shake your hand during a religious festival, Baldrick. I don’t believe it; I mean, who is this Witchsmeller Pursuivant, anyway?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I don’t know, My Lord, but Mistress Scott would."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah yes; the old crone with a cat…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh yes, the cat! Lovely. Oh, but she lives in the village!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "So?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Everyone’s dying of the plague!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh, yes, that’s what they claim, those peasants! Any excuse to get off a decent day’s work… outside of the castle gate; Edmund, Percy and Baldrick enter the village. Corpses are strewn about the ... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "My Lord, shouldn’t you disguise yourself?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Hmm?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Well, I mean: we don’t want someone with a grudge coming up and infecting you on purpose."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah, yes, you’re right. Villager 4: ‘morning, stranger. ‘morning, friend! Peasant 3 : ‘morning, stranger. ‘morning, friend! Peasant 3: Who... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "This way, My Lord."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Bring out your dea–"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "You, where’s Mistress Scott? Peasant 4 : You just passed her. Oh my God! And what’s that?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "The, er, cat, My Lord."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Does anyone know what happened? Peasant 2 : No, I don’t! Peasant 4: Me neither. I was right on the other side of town when we burned her. Peasant 2: Shh! You burned her? Why? Peasant 2: I don’t know. Peas... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "They don’t call him Clever Jake for nothing, you know."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, they don’t call me Clever Ja– oh, I see. So what does this Witchsmeller man look like? Peasant 1: No-one knows, My Lord — no-one! Peasant 3: He’s a master of disguise... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I believe so."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah, right, so he won’t be around, now. Well, let me tell you something: If this so-called Witchsmeller burnt Mistress Scott–"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "…and her pussycat…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "…and her pu– be quiet, Percy. …then there’s something wrong with his nose. And I should know: they don’t call me Clever Pete for nothing."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Jake, My Lord."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What about him?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Clever Jake, My Lord."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Where?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "You are Clever Jake, My Lord."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh yes. They don’t call me Clever Pete at all! They call me Clever Jake. And if I were you, and I’d asked the Witchsmeller into town, I’d kick the big-nosed bully straight out again! What do you sa... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I think it’s worth serious consideration."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, exactly. Take Clever Tom’s advice, and send him back to the madhouse he came from. Come on, boys. Put them down, Percy. Come on. Mistress Scott is obviously in no state to help us... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah, Edmund! Come on in, come on in. The Witchsmeller’s arrived."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh yes? Old Bignose is back, is he? Oh, hello… I’m delighted to meet you. Why, I’m one of your greatest admirers."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "“Old Bignose is back”??"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes. Old Bignose is back. He’s in a terrible state. I was talking to him just now. He’s a great admirer of yours as well."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Who’s this?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Er , Old Bignose… In fact, I was hearing about your work in . Imagine that — every single person in the village having an affair with the same duck."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "The Duck of Taunton was a tragic circumstance."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "And I hear you very kindly burned our Mistress Scott for us."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh yes. And her pussycat."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah, but have you found the chief witch yet?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "I feel I may be very close."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ooh, get the kindling ready! Make sure that stake is well done!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "By trial or by ordeal."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Ah, the ordeal by water…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "No, by axe."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Oh!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "The suspected witch has his head placed upon a block , and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck , so we burn him; if he is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off ."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "What a ... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Would you like to take a less violent test yourself, Your Highness, by way of demonstration?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "How much less violent?"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, Edmund, I think you should do it, eh? At least take yourself out of the running, wot! Lord 2: I haven’t seen your broomstick recently, Your Highness! Oh, very good, ! Very good!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I’m not so sure about all this, you know…"
... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "You will all notice how it has suddenly become much darker. Choose!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "There we are! Lord 2: Prince Edmund’s a witch!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": ", My Lord, as I thought: This is the source of evil in your Kingdom. This is your witch. Behold; Lucifer’s brother! B-b-bl-bl-b-b-BURN THE WITCH!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, er, I’m not quite sure I caught the first part of that…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "If that’s what you recommend."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "But, Harry, you can’t let him do this!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "He is very highly thought of, you know."
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "But he’s a quack!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "What did you say?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "“Quack”! “Quack”! “Quack”!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Prince Edmund, are you a Christian?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, of course I am."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Can you say the Lord’s Prayer?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, yes — I can say it backwards if you like!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "CONFESSION! Now, Edmund, I believe you have a pussycat…"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ohh! Its name is Bubbles?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Right."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, or, to give it its full name, Beelzebubbles!!! Do you deny that you were seen, on the Feast of St. Jacob the Turgid, speaking to this little cat Bubbles?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, of course I deny it!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah, but the chambermaid Mary heard you say, and I quote, “Hello, little Bubbles, would you like some milk?”"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, I might have said that!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah!!! And what did you mean by it?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, I meant, would the cat like some milk."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Milk? What did you mean by `milk’?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "I meant milk! Bloody milk!!!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "BLOODY MILK!!! It was a mixture of milk and blood!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "No, no, just milk!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Ah, blood was to come later!"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "There wasn’t any blood!"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "SO YOU HAD TO MAKE DO WITH MILK!!! I , My Lord. you have a horse called Black Satin?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Yes, and do you confess than on the thirtieth day of you did say to this horse Black Satin, and I quote, “Satin, would you like some carrots?”"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Well, I might have done — he likes carrots."
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Carrots?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, carrots…"
}
] |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "No! No, we don’t. If the Devil likes carrots, why isn’t mentioned in the Bible, then? Why doesn’t it say, “And He took the Lord up to the top of an high mountain and offered Him a carrot”?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Yes, why isn’t “Thou shalt not eat car... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Oh really? And how did you get to know so much about carrots, eh? WITCH! My Lord, I call my first witness! Now, Satin, just relax. You’re among friends. Good. Now, tell me, in your own words: Did you, Satin, on certain nights last tide, indulge — albeit, I accept, in all innoce... |
[
{
"role": "user",
"content": "Silence, Grumbledook! Satin, you’re not replying. He’s not replying, My Lord. Are we to assume this horse has something to hide?"
},
{
"role": "assistant",
"content": "Either that or he can’t talk."
}
] |
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