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... camera. it was mad crazy. so met the man, came out into the crowd on the barricade and he was standing up-
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and he walked over towards me more-
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kind of fell backwards and kicked my fucking phone out of my hand across the venue.
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yeah. which was scary because i was freaking out.
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.. hip hop concert i've ever fucking been to-
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they all came out, put on a good show.
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i'm contemplating here and there or whether or not to start a tinder account. so, you know.
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talking to a random stranger that it's like, i'm automatically starting this conversation with the fact of like, i find you attractive.
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[inaudible 00:05:59]. dammit, you're already fucking up.i know, i'm ruined.
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yeah.it's never been a problem for me getting-
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you're putting too much pressure on yourself already.
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i know i cannot pull it off, and it's retarded.legit.
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again. i don't know if i want to get baptized again.yeah.
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because it's like, i don't know where i'm going to be. and-
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i either break it off with her or give up on the job.
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so speaking of the podcast, what are we on to do today?
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yep.the silent killer.that's silent killed.
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i can't wait until march when the sun comes out and is shining on my face and i'm super happy. i'm like, bitch-
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oh, no, i do a lot of stuff. honestly, summertime is the best time for me to catch up on past pro art projects-
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it was good.yeah, yeah.plus the internet has a lot to offer.
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i went to the doctor today and they tried to fucking get me to go see my therapist. and i'm like, why?
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it was just so redundant. and it's so time consuming-
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yeah.just because you're my therapist doesn't mean i need to talk to you every fucking time i'm in the area.
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... my therapist for depression. i was seeing my therapist for my eating disorder that i have-
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that's a lot. i didn't have time for shit.
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it's like-yeah.... sometimes i just want to be left the fuck alone.
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... depression that much. and i that's the other reason why i don't really fuck with therapists too much, is because-
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a lot of them don't fucking see you off of their own-
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... therapist. i had one therapist that was really good. and i had one that was just not helpful.
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but yeah, you can definitely tell when they're just-
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legit, it's no different than talking to somebody who's not really paying attention to you and-
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... answers for everything, and it's just like, "why the fuck am i here?"
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i think the best version i've seen of that is these two-
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these two figures and one's what people think depression is, it's just like 100%.
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yeah. i mean, it's not just like feeling sad all the time. it's-
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my mind is obsessed with thinking about my own death. so-
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i can literally walk with you in the south side, down carson street, and-
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i see crazy shit all the time. and it's very, very vivid and real-
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i'm like, yes, man. that shit does not change because i'm on meds or i'm seeing somebody and talking to them. i-
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yeah. yeah. even my little sister has opened up and talked about that kind of shit.
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it scares me because it's like, i'm not there.
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if she needs me, i'm all the way down in here in pittsburgh. i stress to her all the time-
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i always tell her [inaudible 00:06:52]. we're always sharing images of stupid stuff on instagram all the time, so i'm like, at least-
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you know, i'll hit her up on legit text messages. and i don't hear anything from her-
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i'm not there, so i don't know what's going on. and she's currently having this feud between her and our mom, and-
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and i'm all the way down here in pittsburgh. so i legit have no idea what the fuck's going on half the time.
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yeah, i hear you. it's just really stressful.
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i mean, the first time i attempted suicide, i was in the fourth grade.
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on some real shit, i'm so concerned with the way i look and how people view me. i would never blow my head off or jump off-
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oh, yeah. if you jump off, depending on how high of a building you're going to jump off, you might be nothing but a puddle on the ground.
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yeah.... reading, but i do have all the main symptoms.
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... people, or stressed out about not receiving gifts or stressed out about not seeing their families or stressed out about their families not seeing them, and blah, blah, blah-
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i was just listening to-
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they were saying there was a significant spike in suicides on the first of the year, the day after new year's.
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like they said, january is the most depressing month of the entire year.
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yeah.because the holidays are over-
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everyone goes in with like, i'm going to start fresh this year and i'm going to be better. i'm-
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i'm going to work out. i'm going to eat better and blah, blah, blah, work on your new year's resolution. and about a week in, you're like-
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yeah.and they don't feel that way.
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... which means another year closer to your death. that's a negative way of thinking about it.
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he says it, just makes it sound negative.
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you may die tomorrow. you may die right now.
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yeah. the guy obviously has some regrets where he's not living his life how he wants to be.
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you know, anxiety and depression around is that every day i'm like-
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am i living up? am i living each day towards flows? am i doing this? am i doing that?
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and then i do the dumb artist thing where you get online and you look at other people's work. you're like, "oh, this person's way better than me. and i-"
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you also need to have a sense of confidence with your shit-
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and literally i'm going to start calling people out, legit, because i know none of these fucking people in this city can fuck with me, literally.
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yeah.there you go.oh, yeah, i know. shit. when we were at the show, when we were at the wu-tang show-
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worry up. one more time. one more time. just one for the ladies, let's hear the ladies-
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... constantly just cut in between songs after songs after songs like, oh my gosh.
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... be dark and then i go to bed and then wake up in the afternoon and it's still dark.
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theydo say you're you're definitely at a higher risk
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much higher risk. if you're further from the equators
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they say for fall, winter, it's oversleeping, appetite change. you're craving high foods and carbohydrates, and weight gain, and then tiredness and low energy.
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[inaudible 00:08:00] too, man. it sucks. it's, yeah, like i shouldn't be tired, but-right?
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because during this time of year you tend not to, just-
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[inaudible 00:08:05] actually [inaudible 00:08:07] indoors.there you go.because i don't have any good tree branches in the place where-
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mine's buried in my closet somewhere.
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i did not realize that there was a seasonal depression for a spring and summer.
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yeah.maybe. well. i mean-
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fucking camp collar fucking hawaiian shirt.
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and i got gucci slides on, and i'm like, i got fucking-
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versace sunglasses. and i'm just like, the breeze is just blowing through my shirt and i'm fucking like, i've worked all winter to fucking-
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just like chilling on the boardwalk and we're trying to figure out our next vacation-
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no, but that's, yeah. that's obviously not seasonal depression.
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i mean, if you were, imagine you're a psychiatrist. you-
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--- someone come in, they've been seen for years, and every winter, they go through this slump-
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psychology propaganda. what if it's psychiatrists that are putting this shit out into the masses and they're like-
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... have a placebo effect on top of whatever real effect it has.
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if it works, it works.no, no, no, no, no. speaking of which, let me find this, because i was reading about this the other day-
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it's funny that you mentioned medication.oh, shit.hold on.
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there was a scale, i think it was one to a hundred, on how depressed you are, whatever-
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i think it was somewhere like four to six points on that-
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.. huge, life changing thing. it might be enough to push you up from being suicidal or something-
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there's, you know, there's problems. life in itself-
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there's always... people's lives are usually not going as well as they'd like them to.
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doctors often get incentives to prescribe certain medications-
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this is all fucking propaganda.
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so i feel like all these psychiatrists, all these doctors, get together and they're like, all right. let's-
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