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because you think- because you think i-
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Female
is ridiculous. it's just fucking ... it's offensive. and it's ridiculous because he's the guy who actually-
A
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2.2
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Female
so gossipy, fucking nonsense. but that's what i was told. again, hook me up to a lie detector.
A
4.6
2
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Female
thinking of never did anything to me personally.
N
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Female
didn't even know me, didn't know the situation, didn't know anything about it, just decided to grab my throat, forget his name-
A
4.6
2.4
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Female
supposedly a truther and a guy who's always talking conspiracies and does documentaries about him and stuff like that.
N
3.2
2.8
3.2
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Female
... in a given night, and-
O
2.6
3.6
2.4
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Female
oh, joe's on at 10:30, but you guys got to get here before that because-
X
3.2
3.4
4
1770
Female
i'm greasing water with them motherfuckers. i understand it. i understand that i am difficult when it comes to-
A
5
2.4
5
1770
Female
expect a lot out of people i guess. and that's ... maybe that guess, maybe that's my-
N
3.6
2.8
3.4
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Female
you bullied me out of the comedy store, a place that i earned my right to be-
S
3.2
2.8
3.2
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Female
because when i asked him to at least reprimand diaz for spitting in my face, adam said he would give him a talking to
S
3
2.4
3.2
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Female
bothers me because i've worked so hard to be the exact opposite of what you motherfuckers painted me out to be.
X
4.4
2.6
4.4
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Female
and all the trash talk. and that's really not something i want to get into-
S
3.2
2.8
4
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Female
... why he has such a problem with me. why wouldn't he call me back?
N
3.4
3
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Female
and you don't even know about or have any context for or anything like that.
N
2.4
3.8
2.4
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Female
system and you're a fucking cog in the wheel and-
A
3.4
2.2
5.4
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Female
i'm disappointed often because people aren't as honest and kind as you are.
S
3.8
3.2
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Female
and it does disappoint me. and it is disheartening-
S
3.8
2.8
2.8
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Female
that at least most of the world isn't like this-
X
3.6
3.2
3.6
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Female
sop encouraging bullies, stop encouraging...
A
5
2.4
5
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Female
dishonest piece of garbage always wins.
A
4.4
2.4
4.8
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Female
stop letting them win. stop dancing with the ewoks.
N
3.8
3
4
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Female
thanks to everybody who's been a fan and a supporter of mine for this song and-
H
2.8
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3.2
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Female
mine's there. it's worked on this project for years. and-
H
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5
4.4
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Female
well, i mean the painfulness of clothes, your jeans,
N
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Female
they're not going to stay on me. no, i'm not wearing those 38s. i'm not going to admit defeat.
H
5.4
4.4
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Female
but i remember she wanted to sit with her mom on her lap and she finally was quiet when-
H
4.6
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Female
what a dick move would it be if the three of us are traveling, and you being mad, and then i go sit in the back, and you're up there.
H
5
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5
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Female
i start really examining what exactly it is i'm going to be doing-
N
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Female
and i'm like, whoa, this sucks. and-
N
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2.8
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Female
my idea of what that class was, wasn't-
N
4
4.4
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Female
i have a problem with it when i'm the victim of it. when i got to walk in in front of a bunch of other adults and get...
S
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4
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Female
until bathroom break. god, it's like being in internal suspension.
H
4.8
3.8
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Female
it was kind of perfect that you're bringing up, as we were getting ready to leave-
H
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Female
i get that and that is a valid-
N
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4
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Female
but you need to phone a friend, because i will not listen to you whine and complain at another baby class.
A
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3
5
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Female
oh, imagine being with me. oh man-
X
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Female
i am difficult to be around-
X
3.6
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Female
yes, i was excited that you had a nice, healthy little snack until i'm waking up to fucking seeds being poured all over me. i'm waking up underneath a fucking bird feeder.
X
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Female
like if i were actually absolutely choking on a mouthful of-
N
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3
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Female
by choking on sun ... yeah, yeah, it's sunflower seeds, yep.
N
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Female
and then i'm like, john, spit them out. and it took me five minutes to get just this- i mean, this log of seeds was bigger than my fist that you just like-
X
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Female
subject involves looking at me and i'm like, oh god.
A
4
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Female
self-aggrandizing and just uncomfortable for me.
S
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3
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Female
i don't know why. i mean-
X
4.2
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Female
place to go where every single thing a comic says on stage is subject to some sort of litigation or-
S
3
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Female
to acknowledge, oh hey everybody. it's a big fucking elephant in the room. all right. and we've got to-
A
5.6
2.6
5.6
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Female
very, very dicey. if ari named me in some kind of shit-
A
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Female
virtue of you doing standup comedy at all by you. i mean-
N
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Female
i think. i mean, just having negative things said about you sucks.
O
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Female
yeah, i know they didn't steal it, but that's kind of, i do that bit and it's just such an anxiety ridden-
X
5
3
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Female
you watched about 30 seconds of it and then you were like, "tell them to not put them up on youtube anymore because it's like you don't want your early shit to be out there permanently."
X
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Female
people don't realize until you get up there how hard it is to fill all that time and have a one-sided conversation with a room full of strangers.
C
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Female
help a n-word. you destroy a brother. yeah. yeah. yeah.
H
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Female
decisions are two options to do on a weekend, but-
H
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Female
you put them in the back because you're going to make everybody fucking uncomfortable.
A
5
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Female
we'll find another venue.yeah.just that owner is awful. and it was two weeks before the show and they hadn't even posted tickets for sale. so-yeah.i honestly didn't think that many people.
C
4.6
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Female
no, it's not even about that. what's in it? she just wants to chew on the glass.
H
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Female
oh yeah. yeah. i know how she is about not wanting the night to end. she doesn't want the day to end. soon as the sun goes down, it's like-
H
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4.6
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Female
cut their hair. and i just always thought that was so weird. and now i get it. it's like this. i'm, i have a natural itch to walk to someone right now to just chop off my hair. i mean it-
X
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Female
have friends who are obsessed with getting flowers and i don't get it. you're killing something that's living just so it can what, sit on your counter? and then you have to take it outside and dump all the mold-ewey-
A
5
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Female
krispy kreme donut so bad. they're so fucking far away.
A
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5.6
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Female
blueberry muffin. i'm not getting a muffin from you. you dicks. get fucking the ice cream filled and maybe we can do business.
A
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Female
you wouldn't even go up to someone's yard and clip a rose out of their fucking garden.
H
4.2
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4.2
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Female
actually, nobody has yet to say, "oh, when are you going to have another one?" but people do say like, "oh, how many are you going to have?"
H
5.2
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5.2
1770
Female
as a father, it's almost like-
S
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3
4.6
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Female
and just by an instinctual thing, you have a bond that you two develop in that sense.
N
3.6
4.8
3.8
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Female
when i'm saying that, i feel like i'm not-
S
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4
1770
Female
they're going to not know who i am, but they're going to ask what i do. and then when i find out what i do...
N
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5
1770
Female
what is he doing? what is our neighborhood coming to?relax, kid. it's just-
H
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Female
like i'm just atmosphere or something. comedy's not like that. it's like the movies-
X
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Female
i guess. hi, john caparulo.they know.jamie caparulo, god-damn.
A
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Female
not that you have a problem. i would be even more angry-
X
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Female
for a while we bought chavets. he just couldn't pass a chavets without fucking buying it or at least making an offer on a chavets. and somebody's like...
A
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4
5
1770
Female
no, that's why i over pack. i always make sure the car has more than half a tank of gas in.
X
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Female
i cannot fight with this woman. no, it's just ridiculous like i'm, "whoa, whoa, whoa."
H
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Female
at you. it's like, i knock at the doors, met with a nuclear missile like, "whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, honey."
X
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Female
i was dead to you and then...
X
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Female
for two days. i had to call jean. i had to call my mom.
A
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Female
and slow. and they're like, "okay."i was like, "i'm getting another room."and they're like, "okay."i'm like, "oh shit, i don't have any money to buy another room, so i guess i had to deal with you people."
H
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4.4
1770
Female
if you can do all that shit and i guarantee you an hour on pbs, i will know more about stonehenge than you do.
N
3.2
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Female
get eaten animals and they're just prey.
X
4.8
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4.4
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Female
living somewhere is a different story. if you want to live in hawaii, if you want to live in...
X
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Female
that's a whole different story, but being away from home and out of a suitcase-
X
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Female
i just think a honeymoon, it can still be... it's a bullshit excursion,
X
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Female
it's an option, just get rid of your windshield, you'll be fine. you can eat a lot of bugs. but i...
H
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Female
they got a lot of, all expenses paid flights to vietnam, and that just sounds-
H
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Female
just sounds like a big fuck you to a whole bunch of guys with no legs who are still...
A
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Female
who still very vividly remember the vietnam war, so i'm like-
H
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Female
taking a honeymoon. going on vacation there is one thing-
A
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Female
which i wouldn't do, but still my ... where'd you take your honeymoon? oh, we honeymooned in vietnam.
N
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Female
they're housewives. they're not totally different. okay. it's all brainless fucking bullshit.
A
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Female
she said, "i've never run into somebody so rude"and i went. "i doubt that." i said, "you..."
C
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1770
Female
they're not going to put up with you sitting there, telling stories to-
C
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Female
there being a line of people behind, there's a line of people behind you-
A
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Female
that there's other people waiting and you're eating into our day.
A
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Female
what was it? and i said, "look, and i know it was you called the feds on me two years ago when barney was barking inside my house and-"
H
4
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Female
to win the argument, when we know-
A
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Female
see what games do i like? i'm pretty high up still ranked on letter litter. i was pretty gangster there.i was.
H
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Female