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MSP_POD_NLP

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but i'd be like, "this is going to suck." and now...
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i get it. i'm like, "man, this is awesome. i got to watch all of them."
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i mean look, you're telling me i'm getting a diagnosis that this is terminal. it's a terminal diagnosis that i'm going to die in 24 hours.
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oh yeah. the last time i worked out-
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yeah, i get worse, i become the monster from the fucking swamp, like my back bubbles.
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and then gets mad at me because i scream.
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it's not the magical journey that i thought it would be.
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fucking clowning. the poor bastard who can't defend himself.
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disrespectful. the fact that you could... i had to get a baby ready. i had to get myself ready. i had to get two dogs ready, and you can't even put on some fucking sneakers.wait.
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and i get home and you're not here. that was the worst thing you could do, is-
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it's like, every-
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even though i'd say, 'don't do that. please don't do that. not funny. please stop. going to call the cops.' and i mean you just keep it up. so i mean i-you think this is-
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she says, "hey dad and mom..."
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done. ride off into the sunset, and i...
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you tell me.no, i don't have the kind of body i want to make a mural out of.
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i don't want to draw any more attention to my body than i have to.
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go out so we can get money and then fucking-
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you went to philadelphia last weekend, and went to the-
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what?earp is the embodiment of the american underdog story. he is. the movie itself...
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i'm not going to be good enough to beat this guy, but i have this chance to fight the champ if i can go the distance and do something that nobody else has ever done before.
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talk about shit and really get... we've seen all the family guys and we've...
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yeah. probably in the past couple years.
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it's a scam. there is no real governing body.
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more and more people have either wives or brothers, sisters, whoever, manage them, because it's not a job that you can just have a stranger do.
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basically leech off that of those who do and-
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i could do something for you that isn't being done right now. which is a lot of agents won't do. i think he's already...
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from 10 years ago that you wouldn't have been okay with-
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they have a code of conduct laid out. there's a set of laws, rules and everything. they have to get a license to be an agent.
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see, that's why it's such a desirable business for...
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as impressive as you might think when they come along, they're just-
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they're running a fucking hustle because they just-
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they're looking to get-
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and fill their bindle. they're just a bunch of fucking homeless jerks.
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i don't like the idea, just some fucking monster coming in and tearing that down because he feels like it.
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but to all my friends, i really do appreciate you. and to my family-
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it was always like a really, really tense atmosphere. i was tense. audience would say it was just... i just felt like such despair.
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and when tommy came along, it was like there was somebody who was actually on watch at night. mitch went to bed early.
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i've established a pretty good reputation at a lot of comedy clubs.
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i'm still a better artist than you are, because i am an artist, not a fucking-
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not trying to be a gangster about this shit.
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he got my ex to sub in for him in alaska. and this was after we had broken up. we had a spell after we broke up, where-
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it was when she said that she was engaged to this other dude that she just met.
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i really could have been anybody. i really thought what kept me with her for a long time, even though i wanted to leave-
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i have made mistakes in my life. and any of those that i know about, i always apologized for, because i could never live with myself if i didn't.
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do know who i am and who i've been. i didn't suddenly just wake up yesterday and decide-
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fuck anybody who facilitates that shit.
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my whole objective really, with everything-
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not just like a bud, a fucking-
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they were giving me a deal. it was like, half that. but still, that's an expensive grilled cheese, which, by the way-
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it'll fold into a stroller. you can put it in your car, drive it down to malibu, put it into a bike. madden and i can ride down to santa monica, get ice cream cones.
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i don't want to get you something like that or do something like that for your birthday. and i don't to... i feel like i always slide by with-
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i've had a few-
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i always hate when, like, last night i think is what you're talking about, the-
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i think that i'll probably be rusty, as far as some bits that i do in my long set.
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really is. it's a room from the stage, because you almost never see-
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i had to ask her to react. i'm like, "hey, why don't you ever say anything about my parts? they're fucking fantastic."
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oh, basically i hope they go down in flames and that's my position on fucking punk-ass soiling.
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it has a coupon code for 30% off of johncaparulo.com merch.
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like my dad said when he was on the podcast, he was like, "you guys acted like there was some huge setup." he's like, "you plugged in two mics." but we do, we act like, "i don't want to put it all together."
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but at the end of the pregnancy, i had to pee every 10 minutes. and i was like, "fuck that."yeah.i remember we did go to a movie and i had to get up four times during it to pee, and it was awful.
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okay, so it's a 21 and over theater. she's not ordering a fucking margarita. she doesn't own theat.
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because you can't reserve seating in that theater.
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have a lot of things that don't have a name yet. i have slight agoraphobia.
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you've ever seen 'two girls one cup'? it was very similar to that consistency. it was so-
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is it? okay, because i knew we were late too for the start of the movie. so i was going to get that. anyway, it already started. i was going to get that. so i just was like-
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unfortunately we're not allowed to let children under six in our theaters because it's 21 and over. did you just say, wait a minute-
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you're not allowed to ... you're not-
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you don't allow children six and under in because it's 21 and over what?
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we walk away and i guess you were too hung up on being mad at me.
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the failure of a man that i am, but i...
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you have bigger problems over this. it's not worth it.
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probably, for a few years after that. but he is like, "hey, little bitch." he would always go in the back and take a shower. when he got to-
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with her, she's still learning stuff every day. i've considered her a pet for the last couple of months. and now,-yeah.
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i like when you do one-liners, because i think those are easy for people to memorize, and it's like, "oh."yeah.
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make the music with your mouth is-
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i am just, there's some, it's...
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[inaudible 00:00:20].no longer a fan because you're wearing a michigan shirt. why? why?
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it sucks because you lose out on a lot.
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you're a bad guy because, oh god, that-
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acting on those views and doing something really hateful toward... besides obviously not doing your job and denying them their license.
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you don't go to jail, if you have a fight where you say horrible-
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it is stupid racial slurs-
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you shouldn't lose your business. it's like people should stop patronizing your business, i think.
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because they know who you are. but the whole thing is just like-
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oh, female. did i not say...
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her and a pen and a pad or something. you know what i mean? there's-
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pretty much the kiss of death there. ah, that's horrible. that show's awful for everybody.
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[inaudible 00:00:40] you think that people hate you more than they do.
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i think that it's pretty much across the board whether it's the-
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they don't even acknowledge me until i say-
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and my doctors don't extend that courtesy to you.mm-mm.i don't know why.
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comparing to having a baby to plantars warts. you did that in [inaudible 00:01:07] caplets too.
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her, madden, is growing inside you, but there's a being growing inside you.did your warts have gender too?no, but that's just it. it's like...
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going to have to get herself up and ready for school because we'll still be-
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no matter how upset you are with their service-
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... until you're fucking donald trump or whatever-
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and instead i'm getting a coach seat-
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... would cost more than booking a one-way ticket to pittsburgh, and then just taking my original flight back, i figured.
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i didn't know this before and i just booked a one way ticket on another airline because it would've been a $200 change fee plus...
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i did not, and even when you were on chelsea lately and stuff, chelsea would be calling bruce a girl and stuff, and i never liked that because-
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