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If it had not rained on a certain May morning Valancy Stirling’s whole
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life would have been entirely different. She would have gone, with the
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rest of her clan, to Aunt Wellington’s engagement picnic and Dr. Trent
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would have gone to Montreal. But it did rain and you shall hear what
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happened to her because of it.
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Valancy wakened early, in the lifeless, hopeless hour just preceding
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dawn. She had not slept very well. One does not sleep well, sometimes,
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when one is twenty-nine on the morrow, and unmarried, in a community
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and connection where the unmarried are simply those who have failed to
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get a man.
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Deerwood and the Stirlings had long since relegated Valancy to hopeless
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old maidenhood. But Valancy herself had never quite relinquished a
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certain pitiful, shamed, little hope that Romance would come her way
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yet—never, until this wet, horrible morning, when she wakened to the
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fact that she was twenty-nine and unsought by any man.
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Ay, _there_ lay the sting. Valancy did not mind so much being an old
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maid. After all, she thought, being an old maid couldn’t possibly be as
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dreadful as being married to an Uncle Wellington or an Uncle Benjamin,
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or even an Uncle Herbert. What hurt her was that she had never had a
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chance to be anything but an old maid. No man had ever desired her.
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The tears came into her eyes as she lay there alone in the faintly
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greying darkness. She dared not let herself cry as hard as she wanted
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to, for two reasons. She was afraid that crying might bring on another
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attack of that pain around the heart. She had had a spell of it after
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she had got into bed—rather worse than any she had had yet. And she was
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afraid her mother would notice her red eyes at breakfast and keep at
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her with minute, persistent, mosquito-like questions regarding the
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cause thereof.
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“Suppose,” thought Valancy with a ghastly grin, “I answered with the
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plain truth, ‘I am crying because I cannot get married.’ How horrified
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Mother would be—though she is ashamed every day of her life of her old
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maid daughter.”
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But of course appearances should be kept up. “It is not,” Valancy could
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hear her mother’s prim, dictatorial voice asserting, “it is not
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_maidenly_ to think about _men_.”
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The thought of her mother’s expression made Valancy laugh—for she had a
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sense of humour nobody in her clan suspected. For that matter, there
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were a good many things about Valancy that nobody suspected. But her
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laughter was very superficial and presently she lay there, a huddled,
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futile little figure, listening to the rain pouring down outside and
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watching, with a sick distaste, the chill, merciless light creeping
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into her ugly, sordid room.
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She knew the ugliness of that room by heart—knew it and hated it. The
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yellow-painted floor, with one hideous, “hooked” rug by the bed, with a
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grotesque, “hooked” dog on it, always grinning at her when she awoke;
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the faded, dark-red paper; the ceiling discoloured by old leaks and
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crossed by cracks; the narrow, pinched little washstand; the
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brown-paper lambrequin with purple roses on it; the spotted old
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looking-glass with the crack across it, propped up on the inadequate
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dressing-table; the jar of ancient potpourri made by her mother in her
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mythical honeymoon; the shell-covered box, with one burst corner, which
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Cousin Stickles had made in her equally mythical girlhood; the beaded
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pincushion with half its bead fringe gone; the one stiff, yellow chair;
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the faded old motto, “Gone but not forgotten,” worked in coloured yarns
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about Great-grand-mother Stirling’s grim old face; the old photographs
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of ancient relatives long banished from the rooms below. There were
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only two pictures that were not of relatives. One, an old chromo of a
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puppy sitting on a rainy doorstep. That picture always made Valancy
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unhappy. That forlorn little dog crouched on the doorstep in the
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driving rain! Why didn’t _some one_ open the door and let him in? The
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other picture was a faded, passe-partouted engraving of Queen Louise
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coming down a stairway, which Aunt Wellington had lavishly given her on
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her tenth birthday. For nineteen years she had looked at it and hated
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it, beautiful, smug, self-satisfied Queen Louise. But she never dared
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destroy it or remove it. Mother and Cousin Stickles would have been
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aghast, or, as Valancy irreverently expressed it in her thoughts, would
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have had a fit.
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Every room in the house was ugly, of course. But downstairs appearances
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were kept up somewhat. There was no money for rooms nobody ever saw.
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Valancy sometimes felt that she could have done something for her room
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herself, even without money, if she were permitted. But her mother had
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negatived every timid suggestion and Valancy did not persist. Valancy
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never persisted. She was afraid to. Her mother could not brook
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opposition. Mrs. Stirling would sulk for days if offended, with the
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airs of an insulted duchess.
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The only thing Valancy liked about her room was that she could be alone
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there at night to cry if she wanted to.
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But, after all, what did it matter if a room, which you used for
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nothing except sleeping and dressing in, were ugly? Valancy was never
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permitted to stay alone in her room for any other purpose. People who
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wanted to be alone, so Mrs. Frederick Stirling and Cousin Stickles
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believed, could only want to be alone for some sinister purpose. But
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her room in the Blue Castle was everything a room should be.
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Valancy, so cowed and subdued and overridden and snubbed in real life,
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was wont to let herself go rather splendidly in her day-dreams. Nobody
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in the Stirling clan, or its ramifications, suspected this, least of
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all her mother and Cousin Stickles. They never knew that Valancy had
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