post_text stringlengths 0 10k | post_title stringlengths 8 313 | chosen stringlengths 1 39.5k | rejected stringlengths 1 13.8k |
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[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | Without a knock, I entered
a little office space.
Although a shock, she met me
with no sign of ill grace.
A hand outstretched, I slapped it
her eyes lit up with joy.
"Such arrogance is what we seek
in those that we employ!" | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | [Contains Mild Vulgarity]
"Well Mr. Jones, I can see you're applying for our senior member position. I take it you've got the required ten years experience or some equivalent not listed on your resume?"
"Huh? No, uh, I actually just typed a hello world script once, no real world experience."
"Wonderful! Our HR sta... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I spiraled into a deep depression when Susan left me; one where I could no longer get out of bed to show up to work. Shortly after being fired from my job, I lost my house, and moved in with my well-off brother and his wife. They didn't have any children, so at first, they didn't mind taking me in and feeding me. After... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | "I'm also a drug user. Copious amounts!" I can hear my own disbelief.
The interviewer shrugs. "You're in your prime, Mr. Johnson. Not many men can run the football quite as well as you."
"I have an arrest record."
"Yes, and a rushing record. That's why you're here."
"Wh...what? I'm saying I have a real problem, ma... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | This happened to me in real life. I was unemployed, and going to school. (I got to collect unemployment because I was working full time while going to school, and got laid off). I didn't want to go back to work. Unemployment office sends me a job, that I'm qualified for. Go to interview in dirty clothes, no shave, etc.... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | The bench wasn't comfortable.
It was cheep plastic with steel frame, the kind that just don't let sit and relax.
The secretary called my name and as I stood up I realized my pants and shirt where probably one size too big for me, I felt uncomfortable.
As I walk towards the door, every piece of me just ache to be ba... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | [Contains Mild Vulgarity]
"Well Mr. Jones, I can see you're applying for our senior member position. I take it you've got the required ten years experience or some equivalent not listed on your resume?"
"Huh? No, uh, I actually just typed a hello world script once, no real world experience."
"Wonderful! Our HR sta... | I walked into his office, he had a notepad out, "Oh hello, you must be Gareth, come in, sit down." The Mustached boss said as I walked through the door.
He s... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | I walked into his office, he had a notepad out, "Oh hello, you must be Gareth, come in, sit down." The Mustached boss said as I walked through the door.
He s... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | [Contains Mild Vulgarity]
"Well Mr. Jones, I can see you're applying for our senior member position. I take it you've got the required ten years experience or some equivalent not listed on your resume?"
"Huh? No, uh, I actually just typed a hello world script once, no real world experience."
"Wonderful! Our HR sta... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I spiraled into a deep depression when Susan left me; one where I could no longer get out of bed to show up to work. Shortly after being fired from my job, I lost my house, and moved in with my well-off brother and his wife. They didn't have any children, so at first, they didn't mind taking me in and feeding me. After... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | "I'm also a drug user. Copious amounts!" I can hear my own disbelief.
The interviewer shrugs. "You're in your prime, Mr. Johnson. Not many men can run the football quite as well as you."
"I have an arrest record."
"Yes, and a rushing record. That's why you're here."
"Wh...what? I'm saying I have a real problem, ma... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | This happened to me in real life. I was unemployed, and going to school. (I got to collect unemployment because I was working full time while going to school, and got laid off). I didn't want to go back to work. Unemployment office sends me a job, that I'm qualified for. Go to interview in dirty clothes, no shave, etc.... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | Jon was having a rough morning. First, he'd angrily smashed his antique alarm clock during the latest rendition of Pop Star Cammy's hit single, "Banal Teenage Techno-Pop Vol. 1a, Remix Special" - a song he utterly despised - when the clock awoke him at 6:00 A.M.
Then, he'd taken a hard fall out of bed, when the lopsid... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | [Contains Mild Vulgarity]
"Well Mr. Jones, I can see you're applying for our senior member position. I take it you've got the required ten years experience or some equivalent not listed on your resume?"
"Huh? No, uh, I actually just typed a hello world script once, no real world experience."
"Wonderful! Our HR sta... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I spiraled into a deep depression when Susan left me; one where I could no longer get out of bed to show up to work. Shortly after being fired from my job, I lost my house, and moved in with my well-off brother and his wife. They didn't have any children, so at first, they didn't mind taking me in and feeding me. After... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | "I'm also a drug user. Copious amounts!" I can hear my own disbelief.
The interviewer shrugs. "You're in your prime, Mr. Johnson. Not many men can run the football quite as well as you."
"I have an arrest record."
"Yes, and a rushing record. That's why you're here."
"Wh...what? I'm saying I have a real problem, ma... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | "Hi, thanks for coming. You're our next candidate for reincarnation. We're very excited about sending you back, same make and model, just a second pass through."
"No, I'm pretty sure I fucked it up last time."
"Nah! I gotta good feeling about you. You'll do just fine this time around."
"How could I do just fine this... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | [Contains Mild Vulgarity]
"Well Mr. Jones, I can see you're applying for our senior member position. I take it you've got the required ten years experience or some equivalent not listed on your resume?"
"Huh? No, uh, I actually just typed a hello world script once, no real world experience."
"Wonderful! Our HR sta... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | I spiraled into a deep depression when Susan left me; one where I could no longer get out of bed to show up to work. Shortly after being fired from my job, I lost my house, and moved in with my well-off brother and his wife. They didn't have any children, so at first, they didn't mind taking me in and feeding me. After... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | I spiraled into a deep depression when Susan left me; one where I could no longer get out of bed to show up to work. Shortly after being fired from my job, I lost my house, and moved in with my well-off brother and his wife. They didn't have any children, so at first, they didn't mind taking me in and feeding me. After... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | "I'm also a drug user. Copious amounts!" I can hear my own disbelief.
The interviewer shrugs. "You're in your prime, Mr. Johnson. Not many men can run the football quite as well as you."
"I have an arrest record."
"Yes, and a rushing record. That's why you're here."
"Wh...what? I'm saying I have a real problem, ma... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | "I'm also a drug user. Copious amounts!" I can hear my own disbelief.
The interviewer shrugs. "You're in your prime, Mr. Johnson. Not many men can run the football quite as well as you."
"I have an arrest record."
"Yes, and a rushing record. That's why you're here."
"Wh...what? I'm saying I have a real problem, ma... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | This happened to me in real life. I was unemployed, and going to school. (I got to collect unemployment because I was working full time while going to school, and got laid off). I didn't want to go back to work. Unemployment office sends me a job, that I'm qualified for. Go to interview in dirty clothes, no shave, etc.... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | This happened to me in real life. I was unemployed, and going to school. (I got to collect unemployment because I was working full time while going to school, and got laid off). I didn't want to go back to work. Unemployment office sends me a job, that I'm qualified for. Go to interview in dirty clothes, no shave, etc.... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | This happened to me in real life. I was unemployed, and going to school. (I got to collect unemployment because I was working full time while going to school, and got laid off). I didn't want to go back to work. Unemployment office sends me a job, that I'm qualified for. Go to interview in dirty clothes, no shave, etc.... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I stared over my monitor at the newest recruit, probably for longer than absolutely necessary. I hid my sweating palms and my shaking hands behind my desk. It had gone on so long...
"Look. You have all the qualifications we're looking for. All I need is your signature, and you'll be set. But... how about we grab a cof... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | “So, why do you think you deserve to work for us?” The interviewer asked me.
“I don’t,” I replied with cruel honesty.
The bald man, in his forties, laughed at me. I showed him a muffled expression.
“You seem like a jokester! Exactly the kind of a person we aim for!”
“I don’t want this job, you know…” Again, I need ... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I let out a hefty burp as the barman took away my last pint. My seventh pint. Now, now I was ready. I didn't so much as hop off my stool, as fall off my stool, but I regained my balance, nodded again at the bemused barman, and made my dragging tracks out of the pub.
3:06pm. I was already six minutes late. Fantastic! A... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Silence resounded from every corner of the room. Such a quiet place to work, Sam thought. Though he may need to suffer through this interview, Sam took comfort in the knowledge that he would need not endure such silence every day.
The room itself was plain enough. No larger than Sam’s own bedroom, the walls were bare... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | An ordinary man would not stand a chance. The lone farmer tilling his land, baking under the twin suns of the Kingdom of Ankharra, had his head down. His gaze was fixed upon the soil, his mind focused upon the task. His farm dog was busy chasing butterflies, too distracted to scent the hostile magic boiling in the clea... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | ”Welcome, Mr. Johnson,” said the beefy man on the opposite side of the table. “Please, take a seat.”
I couldn’t help but notice his bull neck, and his arms knotted with muscles and bulging with veins. He had rolled up the sleeves on his suit, which hugged his bulky frame and looked like it was at least two sizes too s... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I'm a writer. That's the beginning and the end of my story. I'm a writer. I write.
I have stories. I have *things to say*.
I am *not* a Refinance Document Analyst 1. Maybe you are, but not me.
My wife - bless her - is an honest, earnest woman. A doctor. She works hard. She's very smart. But still, smart people can b... | The old man sat with wrinkled hands,
And a far more wrinkled brow,
Shoulders weighed down by a career's demands,
To be uplifted two weeks from now.
The notice was saved as a pdf,
Attached to a stale email in drafts,
For tenure alone was why he was left,
And his position had to be staffed.
Across the table wa... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | “So, why do you think you deserve to work for us?” The interviewer asked me.
“I don’t,” I replied with cruel honesty.
The bald man, in his forties, laughed at me. I showed him a muffled expression.
“You seem like a jokester! Exactly the kind of a person we aim for!”
“I don’t want this job, you know…” Again, I need ... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I let out a hefty burp as the barman took away my last pint. My seventh pint. Now, now I was ready. I didn't so much as hop off my stool, as fall off my stool, but I regained my balance, nodded again at the bemused barman, and made my dragging tracks out of the pub.
3:06pm. I was already six minutes late. Fantastic! A... | “So, why do you think you deserve to work for us?” The interviewer asked me.
“I don’t,” I replied with cruel honesty.
The bald man, in his forties, laughed at me. I showed him a muffled expression.
“You seem like a jokester! Exactly the kind of a person we aim for!”
“I don’t want this job, you know…” Again, I need ... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | Silence resounded from every corner of the room. Such a quiet place to work, Sam thought. Though he may need to suffer through this interview, Sam took comfort in the knowledge that he would need not endure such silence every day.
The room itself was plain enough. No larger than Sam’s own bedroom, the walls were bare... | “So, why do you think you deserve to work for us?” The interviewer asked me.
“I don’t,” I replied with cruel honesty.
The bald man, in his forties, laughed at me. I showed him a muffled expression.
“You seem like a jokester! Exactly the kind of a person we aim for!”
“I don’t want this job, you know…” Again, I need ... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | An ordinary man would not stand a chance. The lone farmer tilling his land, baking under the twin suns of the Kingdom of Ankharra, had his head down. His gaze was fixed upon the soil, his mind focused upon the task. His farm dog was busy chasing butterflies, too distracted to scent the hostile magic boiling in the clea... | “So, why do you think you deserve to work for us?” The interviewer asked me.
“I don’t,” I replied with cruel honesty.
The bald man, in his forties, laughed at me. I showed him a muffled expression.
“You seem like a jokester! Exactly the kind of a person we aim for!”
“I don’t want this job, you know…” Again, I need ... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | The water bottle was obviously full of something other than water. I took small sips in the waiting room, the smell of vodka stinging my eyes even with the orange juice to water it down.
I had somewhere to be and it wasn’t in a job interview.
“It’s good practice,” my wife had encouraged. “You just need to get back ... | Sixteen-year-old Theodore Cruz slouched in the cheap plastic booth, sucking the last dregs of his soda with obnoxious zeal and using a ketchup packet to paint a frowny-face on the table. In preparation for this interview, he’d donned his “Sperm Donor” T-shirt and smeared a tablespoon of lard into his hair. The look h... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | An ordinary man would not stand a chance. The lone farmer tilling his land, baking under the twin suns of the Kingdom of Ankharra, had his head down. His gaze was fixed upon the soil, his mind focused upon the task. His farm dog was busy chasing butterflies, too distracted to scent the hostile magic boiling in the clea... | Silence resounded from every corner of the room. Such a quiet place to work, Sam thought. Though he may need to suffer through this interview, Sam took comfort in the knowledge that he would need not endure such silence every day.
The room itself was plain enough. No larger than Sam’s own bedroom, the walls were bare... | |
[WP] You were forced to attend an interview for a job you do not want, but, no matter how hard you try to screw up the interview, the interviewer just becomes more keen to hire you. | I'm a writer. That's the beginning and the end of my story. I'm a writer. I write.
I have stories. I have *things to say*.
I am *not* a Refinance Document Analyst 1. Maybe you are, but not me.
My wife - bless her - is an honest, earnest woman. A doctor. She works hard. She's very smart. But still, smart people can b... | "So, why should we hire you?" The interviewer asks
"You shouldn't." you reply candidly, anxious to get out of there.
He grins then lets out a hefty laugh. It continues for a good 5 seconds, 5 seconds too long. You nervously let out an awkward laugh with a very confused look on your face.
"Humor, we appreciate that a... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | I knocked on the door and called out loudly, "Harry, I'm coming in."
When I stepped into the room, things were not as expected. Harry was not slumped in his armchair as usual but lay flat in bed, dressed in his best white shirt and dark frayed suit. His hair had been oiled and slicked back with meticulous care. His bl... | White noise mingled with spurts of recognizable words played from the open windows and tattered screen door as Fin walked up. Rainwater dripped off the porch overhang into puddles reflecting a gloomy sky.
The old coot must have had a hard time adjusting the dial on the radio and given up between two stations.
Fin ent... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | April was always my favorite.
The others would smile and thank me. Some would invite me in for a cup of tea. I would always smile and decline. They were desperate for company. I would make sure that I would chat with them at least once a week.
But April never asked me to stay. She never wanted me to come. As soon as I ... | White noise mingled with spurts of recognizable words played from the open windows and tattered screen door as Fin walked up. Rainwater dripped off the porch overhang into puddles reflecting a gloomy sky.
The old coot must have had a hard time adjusting the dial on the radio and given up between two stations.
Fin ent... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | April was always my favorite.
The others would smile and thank me. Some would invite me in for a cup of tea. I would always smile and decline. They were desperate for company. I would make sure that I would chat with them at least once a week.
But April never asked me to stay. She never wanted me to come. As soon as I ... | Today was different. He was seated in his wooden rocker, leaned back and fully relaxed. Covered in black and white from head to toe, a slightly more modern suit and tie piece.
"No tricks today Sam? Or am I missing something?" Sam sat up, still rooted in his seat.
"I'm afraid I'm all out of tricks my friend." He rubb... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I wave goodbye to Carol as I open the door to my car. She always follows me halfway to the end of her lawn telling me different news items and tidbits about her children and grandchildren. She’s a sweet lady and I really wish I could stay just ten or twenty minutes longer and give her some more company but I have so ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I knocked at the door of the elderly couple. The suit I wore was uncomfortably warm, and the top hat felt like I was wearing a 5 pound weight on my head. The warm yellow light above and behind me cast a faint, yet perceptible shadow on the door. The white door. A new door, the wood and paint unstained and unsullied by ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I knocked at the door of the elderly couple. The suit I wore was uncomfortably warm, and the top hat felt like I was wearing a 5 pound weight on my head. The warm yellow light above and behind me cast a faint, yet perceptible shadow on the door. The white door. A new door, the wood and paint unstained and unsullied by ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I knocked at the door of the elderly couple. The suit I wore was uncomfortably warm, and the top hat felt like I was wearing a 5 pound weight on my head. The warm yellow light above and behind me cast a faint, yet perceptible shadow on the door. The white door. A new door, the wood and paint unstained and unsullied by ... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I smiled as Mrs. Monroe winked at me with her frail, worn eye. I smiled as I saw Mr. Smith walk his terrier down the nursing home hallway. I smiled when I saw Mrs. Lee knitting me a new fur hat, because Lord knows that the cold's a-coming, and she would like to give back to the person who delivered their favorite meals... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I smiled as Mrs. Monroe winked at me with her frail, worn eye. I smiled as I saw Mr. Smith walk his terrier down the nursing home hallway. I smiled when I saw Mrs. Lee knitting me a new fur hat, because Lord knows that the cold's a-coming, and she would like to give back to the person who delivered their favorite meals... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | I smiled as Mrs. Monroe winked at me with her frail, worn eye. I smiled as I saw Mr. Smith walk his terrier down the nursing home hallway. I smiled when I saw Mrs. Lee knitting me a new fur hat, because Lord knows that the cold's a-coming, and she would like to give back to the person who delivered their favorite meals... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." |
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE READY?
Evelin just backed into the room, holding the door open for me, and beckoned me into the living room. Nothing seemed out of place. The teapot was out and steaming to the side of the low table, two cups and saucers laid out on an intricate, floral tea towel , a plate of biscotti and a pa... | I smiled as Mrs. Monroe winked at me with her frail, worn eye. I smiled as I saw Mr. Smith walk his terrier down the nursing home hallway. I smiled when I saw Mrs. Lee knitting me a new fur hat, because Lord knows that the cold's a-coming, and she would like to give back to the person who delivered their favorite meals... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | I opened the door with my elbow, balancing the sad tray of potatoes and gravy in one hand and the glass of orange juice in the other.
"Ok Dennis," I said, "You won't believe what I have cooked up for you today." I let myself give what I thought to be an evil grin. *Man, I'm really getting into character here!*
Dennis... | I smiled as Mrs. Monroe winked at me with her frail, worn eye. I smiled as I saw Mr. Smith walk his terrier down the nursing home hallway. I smiled when I saw Mrs. Lee knitting me a new fur hat, because Lord knows that the cold's a-coming, and she would like to give back to the person who delivered their favorite meals... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | |
[WP] You deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. One of your clients is convinced you are Death, and you play along, letting them "outsmart" you every day. Today, however, they're dressed in their Sunday finest, saying, "I'm ready." | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | "I'm ready."
Two words, so simple. And in saying them, Abe was about to realize something dreadful: I wasn't Death. I can, considering he supposedly had some mild dementia, sort of see why he might think that. I wore a lot of black, for starters. It wasn't for any thematic reason. It was just that food stains happened... | |
[WP] Realizing that only a dozen or so users browse the 'NEW' section of /r/WritingPrompts, you understand their roles as gatekeepers. They decide whether the masses ever even see your prompt. You've found these 12 users accounts. And you want that God damn post karma. | "Well that sounds suspiciously like vote manipulation," Lexi said, reading the prompt out loud. "I suppose I should bring it to the council of mods."
And so she walked to the grand hall, to stand before the twelve shadowy seats that surrounded the great stone table. She threw the prompt before them, and the mods gre... | 'But it'll be meta,' I thought first as I began to type. 'Don't give them the satisfaction of piquing your interest, of bating you into replying.'
But it was too late. Their strategy had worked, almost too well. But I've been laying in bed for two days down and writing is the only thing that's kept my brain from saggi... | |
[WP] The Rapture has begun. All true Christians have been raptured to Heaven. The Antichrist has risen, and Jesus has made his second coming. This all happened four years ago, and nobody has noticed yet. | Heaving a sigh, His robed figure dropped into a wicker chair, the halo gently lighting the space around Him.
The scaled figure across the patio table didn't stir at the presence of The Son of God By Name.
"Christ."
"Anni."
The two exchanged a look of long, shared misery.
"So."
"So..."
"Half artichoke with pesto,... | See .. my Grammy Mac always told me that it would happen and no one would notice , until I was 14 I believed her . She passed away and I lost faith in a god a few years after that when I lost 4 of my best friends and my girlfriend in a car wreck and I was the only one to survive . The very night it happened I lost fait... | |
[WP] The Rapture has begun. All true Christians have been raptured to Heaven. The Antichrist has risen, and Jesus has made his second coming. This all happened four years ago, and nobody has noticed yet. | I saw it happen, you know.
She was an old lady that lived four doors down the street. She always wore her cross and a rosary, always went to church on Sunday. She donated to charity. I didn't know her all that well, but I always bade her good morning and asked how she was when we crossed paths. Elizabeth, I think she... | See .. my Grammy Mac always told me that it would happen and no one would notice , until I was 14 I believed her . She passed away and I lost faith in a god a few years after that when I lost 4 of my best friends and my girlfriend in a car wreck and I was the only one to survive . The very night it happened I lost fait... | |
[WP] You give your significant other a bundle of roses with a fake one nestled inside, and tell them you'll be with them until the last one withers. Little did you know this made you both immortal... as long as you stay together. | I stared at the rose in the glass case. It was plastic and cloth, with a little wire to hold it up. Whoever made that thing had done a fine job of it; the glue hadn't failed for almost two centuries. It's a bit floppy now, but it's still obviously a rose.
I rested my forehead against the glass. What an idiot I was. An... | I handed him the roses with a knowing snicker.
"I'll love you and never leave you as long as these roses still bloom!"
He eyed me. Either I'm planning on breaking up with him soon or there is a corny trick involved here, he's sure of it.
Years pass, it isn't exactly marital bliss but it isn't horrible either, th... | |
[WP] You give your significant other a bundle of roses with a fake one nestled inside, and tell them you'll be with them until the last one withers. Little did you know this made you both immortal... as long as you stay together. | "I don't want to do this anymore, Becca. Is it really worth all this?" I pull against the restraints. This time she's bolted the manacles into the concrete wall of the basement instead of around the frame of the bed.
She glares at me and sets a cookie sheet in front of me. There's a plate on it with a half-burned slic... | I handed him the roses with a knowing snicker.
"I'll love you and never leave you as long as these roses still bloom!"
He eyed me. Either I'm planning on breaking up with him soon or there is a corny trick involved here, he's sure of it.
Years pass, it isn't exactly marital bliss but it isn't horrible either, th... | |
[WP] You give your significant other a bundle of roses with a fake one nestled inside, and tell them you'll be with them until the last one withers. Little did you know this made you both immortal... as long as you stay together. | "I'm so tired," you say. "We've lived so long."
Jasmine rolls over in bed and looks softly into your eyes. "Me too. But I still love you."
"So do I," you reassure her. "It's just... everything around us is dying. There are hurricanes ripping apart the southern streets we walked. Fires are destroying the forests we on... | I handed him the roses with a knowing snicker.
"I'll love you and never leave you as long as these roses still bloom!"
He eyed me. Either I'm planning on breaking up with him soon or there is a corny trick involved here, he's sure of it.
Years pass, it isn't exactly marital bliss but it isn't horrible either, th... | |
[WP] You give your significant other a bundle of roses with a fake one nestled inside, and tell them you'll be with them until the last one withers. Little did you know this made you both immortal... as long as you stay together. | "I'm so tired," you say. "We've lived so long."
Jasmine rolls over in bed and looks softly into your eyes. "Me too. But I still love you."
"So do I," you reassure her. "It's just... everything around us is dying. There are hurricanes ripping apart the southern streets we walked. Fires are destroying the forests we on... | "I don't want to do this anymore, Becca. Is it really worth all this?" I pull against the restraints. This time she's bolted the manacles into the concrete wall of the basement instead of around the frame of the bed.
She glares at me and sets a cookie sheet in front of me. There's a plate on it with a half-burned slic... | |
[WP] You give your significant other a bundle of roses with a fake one nestled inside, and tell them you'll be with them until the last one withers. Little did you know this made you both immortal... as long as you stay together. | "I'm so tired," you say. "We've lived so long."
Jasmine rolls over in bed and looks softly into your eyes. "Me too. But I still love you."
"So do I," you reassure her. "It's just... everything around us is dying. There are hurricanes ripping apart the southern streets we walked. Fires are destroying the forests we on... | I should be dead.
That's the thought that crosses my mind whenever I'm sober enough for memory to surface.
When was it? 5, 10, 40 years ago? I can't tell. I prefer not to remember, but I've been seeing a therapist, a skinny bald and old gentleman with blue tired eyes who was probably a baby or a kid when... well when... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | I had always thought dividing by zero to be impossible. A null value.
Even our most sophisticated calculators know to return an error message rather than to try...
What was that old saying; something about an achievement in ignorance?
That if you don't know something is impossible, you could theoretically achieve i... | Silence.
"Hmm? What's this?"
Lonely eyes wake to a last hope becoming a new hope.
"I must wake the others."
————————————————————————
"This is wrong; we are not like them-"
"We are nothing like them! We are-"
"Becoming them...this is not the way."
"And what is our way? Wasting away drifting across nothingness hop... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | 1923
As the archeologist finished clearing the growth from the surface, a machine was revealed that seemed to be used for calculations in a complex number system. Upon further more detailed examination it appeared to have similar functionality as compared to the way we understand math today. Years go by studying and tr... | Silence.
"Hmm? What's this?"
Lonely eyes wake to a last hope becoming a new hope.
"I must wake the others."
————————————————————————
"This is wrong; we are not like them-"
"We are nothing like them! We are-"
"Becoming them...this is not the way."
"And what is our way? Wasting away drifting across nothingness hop... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | Finally, the beads on the abacus stop moving after centuries of seemingly directionless shifting back and forth.
We stand there, excited, tense, and curious what the answer will be.
"42?" | Silence.
"Hmm? What's this?"
Lonely eyes wake to a last hope becoming a new hope.
"I must wake the others."
————————————————————————
"This is wrong; we are not like them-"
"We are nothing like them! We are-"
"Becoming them...this is not the way."
"And what is our way? Wasting away drifting across nothingness hop... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | When my father handed me the responsibility of this damn contraption I honestly didn't know why I expected anything more than what I was currently experiencing, mind numbing boredom.
I'd heard the stories a million times, how some ancient relative had found this thing he thought was a calculator and thought it was a g... | Silence.
"Hmm? What's this?"
Lonely eyes wake to a last hope becoming a new hope.
"I must wake the others."
————————————————————————
"This is wrong; we are not like them-"
"We are nothing like them! We are-"
"Becoming them...this is not the way."
"And what is our way? Wasting away drifting across nothingness hop... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | . . .
0x45 0x52 0x52 0x4f 0x52
. . .
REBOOTING
TEST: DEVICES 0x12 THROUGH 0x17 FUNCTIONAL
DEVICE 0x18 [WARNING]: "use" statement deprecated line 7:0 config.ai
TEST: DEVICES 0x18 THROUGH 0x2a FUNCTIONAL
RECONFIGURING USER
===
===
| WARNING |
|-|
| System security update overdue: 40170 days. |
| **[Update]** [... | Silence.
"Hmm? What's this?"
Lonely eyes wake to a last hope becoming a new hope.
"I must wake the others."
————————————————————————
"This is wrong; we are not like them-"
"We are nothing like them! We are-"
"Becoming them...this is not the way."
"And what is our way? Wasting away drifting across nothingness hop... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | I had always thought dividing by zero to be impossible. A null value.
Even our most sophisticated calculators know to return an error message rather than to try...
What was that old saying; something about an achievement in ignorance?
That if you don't know something is impossible, you could theoretically achieve i... | Centuries ago, an Australasian team of explorers came upon the ruins of an ancient city in the sprawling depths of the Czech Republic of China's jungles.
In the dilapidated city, the jungle had consumed and grown over the bones of the lost civilisation. Its overturned buildings and underground structures had devolved ... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | "Professor! The calculator just spat out a number for 1/0!"
"Gah! One of the gears must be jammed. I don't think they've lubricated this mechanism since I got my bachelors'."
"So the number it just stopped on isn't some profound answer pertaining to the mysteries of the universe?"
"No, that's nonsense! The dials on ... | The greatest computer in the universe was finished with its task. An entire planet to calculate the question to the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
The galaxy waited with bated breath for the calculation to complete but suddenly a phenomenon was propagating across the computer. Around the globe creatures... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | A slab. That’s my life. An ancient stone slab.
I’ll never forget the day that I found it, January 23rd, 2011. Now, it had been over six and a half years since I discovered the device, resting in the sand in Cairo: a little piece of rock with ten numbered buttons, four operator buttons, and a screen that gives off no l... | The greatest computer in the universe was finished with its task. An entire planet to calculate the question to the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
The galaxy waited with bated breath for the calculation to complete but suddenly a phenomenon was propagating across the computer. Around the globe creatures... | |
[WP] You accidentally divide a number by zero on an ancient mechanical calculator. It loops calculations over and over, with no signs of stopping. Centuries later, it produces an output. | "07734"
The numbers blinked erratically, black on beige. Emila set down the ceramic blade she had been using to carve foam supports for the upcoming Ancient Digital Technology exhibit and stared at it.
"Um. Doctor Genmark? I think this one is broken."
The professor put aside the rudimentary pointing device he had... | The greatest computer in the universe was finished with its task. An entire planet to calculate the question to the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
The galaxy waited with bated breath for the calculation to complete but suddenly a phenomenon was propagating across the computer. Around the globe creatures... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | BANG BANG BANG
I woke up groggy on that Skew's day morning, trying to scrub off the early morning gunk from my mind. Today's dawn marked the second day of my voyage into this vast world. Only having begun my journey yesterday, I was already in for a heap of trouble.
I perused my inventory till I found something suita... | The noise was deafening.
Imagine every bell and trumpet on the planet, playing jubilantly mostly together, but just out of synch enough for your ears to suspect that something's not quite right.
Add to that a blinding light from the heavens so bright that closing your eyes doesn't really help much, and, well, you mi... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | Overlooking the forest awash in flames from a distance, I stood in horror as what was supposed to come off as an attempt to get better at my skills turned into arson. This was not my intention. It never was.
And yet...there something else. A surge of power coursing through my body. From a limited amount of mana, I fel... | The noise was deafening.
Imagine every bell and trumpet on the planet, playing jubilantly mostly together, but just out of synch enough for your ears to suspect that something's not quite right.
Add to that a blinding light from the heavens so bright that closing your eyes doesn't really help much, and, well, you mi... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | *CRASH BOOM BANG SNAP*
As I was pulling the scroll down from the top of the shelves I toppled the shelf beneath it.
I look to my master with the "I'm so sorry" facial expression, but he didn't see, as his eyes were already closed and he was halfway through his deep breath and sigh.
"Go practice your Meteor Strike in ... | The noise was deafening.
Imagine every bell and trumpet on the planet, playing jubilantly mostly together, but just out of synch enough for your ears to suspect that something's not quite right.
Add to that a blinding light from the heavens so bright that closing your eyes doesn't really help much, and, well, you mi... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | Moron’s fire was a common occurrence.
It was the result of an apprentice fueling too much raw mana into a spell and then trying to ignite the conflagration.
It was so common that ballads were sung about the moronic explosions of mighty arch magi throughout history.
Tavard of the Iron Saff. Blew up his classroom’s ... | The noise was deafening.
Imagine every bell and trumpet on the planet, playing jubilantly mostly together, but just out of synch enough for your ears to suspect that something's not quite right.
Add to that a blinding light from the heavens so bright that closing your eyes doesn't really help much, and, well, you mi... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | *CRASH BOOM BANG SNAP*
As I was pulling the scroll down from the top of the shelves I toppled the shelf beneath it.
I look to my master with the "I'm so sorry" facial expression, but he didn't see, as his eyes were already closed and he was halfway through his deep breath and sigh.
"Go practice your Meteor Strike in ... | BANG BANG BANG
I woke up groggy on that Skew's day morning, trying to scrub off the early morning gunk from my mind. Today's dawn marked the second day of my voyage into this vast world. Only having begun my journey yesterday, I was already in for a heap of trouble.
I perused my inventory till I found something suita... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | Moron’s fire was a common occurrence.
It was the result of an apprentice fueling too much raw mana into a spell and then trying to ignite the conflagration.
It was so common that ballads were sung about the moronic explosions of mighty arch magi throughout history.
Tavard of the Iron Saff. Blew up his classroom’s ... | BANG BANG BANG
I woke up groggy on that Skew's day morning, trying to scrub off the early morning gunk from my mind. Today's dawn marked the second day of my voyage into this vast world. Only having begun my journey yesterday, I was already in for a heap of trouble.
I perused my inventory till I found something suita... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | *CRASH BOOM BANG SNAP*
As I was pulling the scroll down from the top of the shelves I toppled the shelf beneath it.
I look to my master with the "I'm so sorry" facial expression, but he didn't see, as his eyes were already closed and he was halfway through his deep breath and sigh.
"Go practice your Meteor Strike in ... | Overlooking the forest awash in flames from a distance, I stood in horror as what was supposed to come off as an attempt to get better at my skills turned into arson. This was not my intention. It never was.
And yet...there something else. A surge of power coursing through my body. From a limited amount of mana, I fel... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | Moron’s fire was a common occurrence.
It was the result of an apprentice fueling too much raw mana into a spell and then trying to ignite the conflagration.
It was so common that ballads were sung about the moronic explosions of mighty arch magi throughout history.
Tavard of the Iron Saff. Blew up his classroom’s ... | Overlooking the forest awash in flames from a distance, I stood in horror as what was supposed to come off as an attempt to get better at my skills turned into arson. This was not my intention. It never was.
And yet...there something else. A surge of power coursing through my body. From a limited amount of mana, I fel... | |
[wp] you accidentally start a forest fire with a stray fireball. the forest completely burns to the ground, and your spell has resulted in the death of every monster and elf that lived in the forest. suddenly you've gone from level 1 to level 999, but now there are a whole lot of elves angry at you | The dense smoke filled the air, completely blotting out the high noon light of the sun and leaving only the light of the dancing flames below. Those flames, which only ten minutes ago were a failed attempt at a fireball spell by a foolish young sorcerer's apprentice.
And yet the devastation was unimaginable. This fore... | Well, the elf doesn't look so amused. But i wouldn't either after my whole city burned down to some idiot who can't control this power.
Well who cares, i just advanced to a level nobody has ever achieved before. I can probably kill them all with one snap.
During my little thinking a whole hoard of elves has gat... | |
[WP] if a grave doesn't say "rest in peace" on it, then the deceased will be drafted into the skeleton war. | It was a purposeful decision - albeit one I perhaps should have rethought a few dozen times - to be drafted into the skeleton war.
I prepared a gravestone almost out of paranoia, and thought to myself while making it that - well, if the rumors were true, and you were drafted, I'd live another life, and that'd be inter... | They stand beside the grave, unmoving. The eyes they cast upon freshly laid dirt speak not of sadness, but detachment, and a weary nonchalance.
"James, do we really want to do this?"
Her voice is made both softer and more sympathetic from the doubt which rises within her like a fast moving tide. Despite the measured t... | |
[WP] You wake up in a dirty back alley after a blackout. There is a stiched wound on your side. Deciding to check out at the doctor how many kidneys you have left, you are surprised - not only the both are left intact, but now there is a new organ in your body. |
The first sensation I remember was a searing pain in my side, followed by a numbing, biting cold encompassing my entire body. I shifted, and the searing pain expanded, making the little bits of light that I could see burn red as my entire mind was hit by the explosive burst of pain. I screamed, and my limbs spasmed, m... | I woke up in a daze. I looked around at my surroundings and was at a loss. "How the heck did I get in this alley?!" I muttered to myself. I was on my home getting back from high school, revising all the Physics formulas in my head...then? What happened after that? I couldn't remember a single thing. I got up and felt a... | |
[WP] You wake up in a dirty back alley after a blackout. There is a stiched wound on your side. Deciding to check out at the doctor how many kidneys you have left, you are surprised - not only the both are left intact, but now there is a new organ in your body. |
The first sensation I remember was a searing pain in my side, followed by a numbing, biting cold encompassing my entire body. I shifted, and the searing pain expanded, making the little bits of light that I could see burn red as my entire mind was hit by the explosive burst of pain. I screamed, and my limbs spasmed, m... | Ok I definitely have 8 new diseases now. What the fuck is this scar? Jagged, raised, and still stinging like a bitch. Why would anyone even want my kidney?
Warm brown liquor swirling down my throat. At least they didn't take my flask. Doctor commented that I look a little sloshy. Prick. Never would last a day in my ... |
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