Split (1)

train · 353k rows

post_title stringlengths 8 313	chosen stringlengths 1 39.5k	rejected stringlengths 1 13.8k
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	The time had come at last, and although many people knew it for billions of years, nobody was truly prepared for the end of the Universe until now.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	The time had come at last, and although many people knew it for billions of years, nobody was truly prepared for the end of the Universe until now.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	The time had come at last, and although many people knew it for billions of years, nobody was truly prepared for the end of the Universe until now.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	They were wrong about the world--my fingers tremble around the trigger--it won't end with a whimper after all.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	For the first time in years the tavern was bustling and full of life, the air laden with sounds of merriment lacked but one thing, the bellowing laughter of those fools who called themselves "The Dragonslayers." Edit: I can't into but one things	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	He never came home.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	As he drew back the blanket to show his wife the baby's face, he said "His name is Alexander and he will change everything."
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	They were wrong about the world--my fingers tremble around the trigger--it won't end with a whimper after all.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	The world would end, he would never see her face again, and they would hate him, but for it all humanity was closer to surviving and he was grateful.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	They were wrong about the world--my fingers tremble around the trigger--it won't end with a whimper after all.	She always wondered, not whether it was worth it, nor if it was okay, but rather whether someone else out there was a part of her story.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	She always wondered, not whether it was worth it, nor if it was okay, but rather whether someone else out there was a part of her story.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	She always wondered, not whether it was worth it, nor if it was okay, but rather whether someone else out there was a part of her story.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	She always wondered, not whether it was worth it, nor if it was okay, but rather whether someone else out there was a part of her story.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	For the first time in years the tavern was bustling and full of life, the air laden with sounds of merriment lacked but one thing, the bellowing laughter of those fools who called themselves "The Dragonslayers." Edit: I can't into but one things	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	He never came home.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	And that, my old, weary knight, is the story of how I died.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	For the first time in years the tavern was bustling and full of life, the air laden with sounds of merriment lacked but one thing, the bellowing laughter of those fools who called themselves "The Dragonslayers." Edit: I can't into but one things	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	My legs dangled lazily over the edge of my balcony, and I looked down with a smile. Eight stories, concrete. No way to survive the impact. I lean forward.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Just as he was about to pull the trigger he let out a sigh and turned away, and for a moment I honestly thought he had changed his mind.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	And that my friends, is why we never bring Grandma to Mordor.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	To be honest, I don't really know what the price of success is, but I do know I sure as hell over payed.	They were wrong about the world--my fingers tremble around the trigger--it won't end with a whimper after all.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	In the end, the answers were only questions in disguise.	They were wrong about the world--my fingers tremble around the trigger--it won't end with a whimper after all.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	He never came home.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	His vengeance brought no closure, just deep, profound emptiness.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	As Brennan drifted below the surface, watching the fires in the sky envelop the last safe zone above the surface of the water, realized the only way to survive: Evolve.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	Thus, it became clear to him, even beneath the overbearing glares of the half-naked girls he had just walked in on, that knocking is always an imperative, regardless of species or dimension.	For the first time in years the tavern was bustling and full of life, the air laden with sounds of merriment lacked but one thing, the bellowing laughter of those fools who called themselves "The Dragonslayers." Edit: I can't into but one things
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	For the first time in years the tavern was bustling and full of life, the air laden with sounds of merriment lacked but one thing, the bellowing laughter of those fools who called themselves "The Dragonslayers." Edit: I can't into but one things
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	He never came home.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	His vengeance brought no closure, just deep, profound emptiness.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	I slept all day in the barn until the moon rose, and when I woke, my mouth turned crisp as a cleaver hovered above my throat.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	He never came home.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	With the beating heart of the Immortal king in his hands, the Wandering Jew saw his vision of the future, and knew for certain this was the way to salvation.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	His vengeance brought no closure, just deep, profound emptiness.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	His vengeance brought no closure, just deep, profound emptiness.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.	And so it was that they stood at the edge of their world, staring out over the horizon of endless seas and felt for the first time at peace.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	And so it was that they stood at the edge of their world, staring out over the horizon of endless seas and felt for the first time at peace.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	And so it was that they stood at the edge of their world, staring out over the horizon of endless seas and felt for the first time at peace.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	And so it was that they stood at the edge of their world, staring out over the horizon of endless seas and felt for the first time at peace.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	I wept, knowing that neither of us would remember.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	And at some point on the long walk home he felt for the first time in his life that maybe he finally did understand what she liked so much about sunsets, about how she always identified with them, and he almost turned back around to tell her, but it was getting dark and he had already walked too far and maybe she wouldn't be as happy for him as he was for himself and maybe she was right and there really was nothing left to say, so he kept walking, feeling the whole way like a sunset.
[FF] The last sentence of your epic 1200-page novel.	"I am never doing that again," said the Universe as it collapsed into entropy.	And so, the ending was just the same as the beginning, the two of them alone, nothing between them.
[WP] write a story to help an emotionless person understand anxiety.	Today is the day. The most awful day of the month - worse than tax day. Worse than the day my dearest Frederich was laid to rest. He would keep me company today. I would tote him around in a backpack if necessary. I simply don't want to be alone. No distractions. No motivations. I'm stuck with my head today. Several hours and outfits later, I make sure all of the locks on my door that can be secured from the outside are in place. I step outside and shudder. Is anyone out there? I creep over to the railing that leads down to my car, looking from side to side. Clear as Vegas summer sky. I bolt down the stone steps, hoping that I don't crash to my death while simultaneously clasping the lip of my sun-hat for dear life. The shade covers my face, but I wish it would make me invisible. I scurry over to my car, having unlocked it as soon as I stepped outside, and nearly throw myself into safety. The tinted windows are comforting as I settle into my seat. I sigh and savor the moment of peace before I catch a glimpse of my neighbor. He's making his way over here! I quickly back out of my parking space, palpitations sending my sweat glands into overdrive. What is he thinking? Am I crazy for pulling out like that? Crazy? Weird? I try to calm the questions as I stop at a four-way intersection. No, I'm simply an asshole. An introverted asshole who can't deal with other people. There's all there is to that mystery. Driving eases much of the noise in my head and before I know it, I'm parked in the lot of Albertson's. I look around, seeing that no one's walking about. Perfect. I shift from my car seat and head toward the store. A man exits, glancing over at me as he makes a bee-line for his car. Damn! How could I be seen like this by someone like him? What should I do? I glance over my shoulder as the automatic door opens for me and notice that he is already gone. Foolish of me to think the glance meant anything more than acknowledgement. Or was it judgment? What was he judging? My shoulders fold inward toward my neck and I feel myself getting smaller by the second. What wasn't he judging? I turn my attention to my hastily scrawled grocery list. Distractions. I need distractions. I need milk. I need bread. I need cucumbers. Just as I turn the corner, I see a child and his mother. She picks through a pile of limes, inspecting the surface for blemishes before smelling them, testing their viability in her kitchen. I feel his eyes follow me across the produce section, catching on me as if I were a fish and his hook hung from my cheek. Three cucumbers fall into a translucent bag and I move, with small steps, to the lemons. He watches me and as I near the bin, I hear a soft whisper. "What is that?" "Jimmy, be nice. You don't talk about others like that in public." His mother says dismissively, still searching for a few more limes. "But it's so... weird looking. Is that a boy or a girl?" My heart throbs against my throat as I grasp at a lemon. The fruit falls out of my grip and abandon it, hoping to lessen the noise in my head by moving to the dairy section. Luckily, that's across the store and a quick glance at her cart tells me that she's already been there. The thoughts follow me, though. The words echo in my head, growing in resonance as they repeat themselves in spite of my sweat. "What is that?" Distress slows my limbs and I stop for a moment, looking over my list. Awash in anger and humiliation, I rip it to pieces. People turn their heads to look at me, but for once, I don't give a shit. I stomp my way back to the produce section, cart in tow. I can see the child and mother shuffling toward the exit. My footsteps grow heavier and I start to lose steam as I near them. Maybe I shouldn't say anything. What would I say? Would the words even matter? I stand there, weighing my options when he glances back and sees me. I'm too far to hear him, but his lips move distinct from the rest of his face. I can see the words, and somehow that strengthens them. "That thing is looking over here. Can we leave now?" I stand there, staring at the contents of my cart. Three cucumbers in a cheap, plastic bag. Without a second thought, I step away and leave it in the middle of the store, pulling the lip of my hat over my face. I hate grocery shopping.	Imagine there's someone right there next to you, holding a gun to your head. Ticking off the safety. Squeezing the trigger. Your heart begins beating faster, your mind races trying to find some way out. Adrenaline floods your brain, and every hair on your body stands on edge. You and the man are on a precipice, and every inch of your body urges you to jump, to get away from the gun no matter what. You can see the bullet entering your head, you can feel the cold barrel on the soft part of your temple. Your stomach is where you heart should be, and your heart is in your throat, and in your arms and in the tips of your finger, beating harder than you could have ever imagined, threatening to tear itself from your body and escape the rotting cadaver in which it is trapped. Death is an inch away. A second away. A fate you've avoided all your life, an inevitable conclusion that seems now like the only way any of this could ever have ended. And you can feel him squeezing that trigger, it vibrates through the gun and into your skull, a tremor warning of what is to come, and your entire body vibrates with it as sweat coats your palms and you scream out STOP. That's how I feel now, staring into that room. You ask me why I'm sweating, you ask how I feel, ask what's the matter. Well that's the matter, you emotionless beast. I feel. I get scared, I cry and I laugh. Now my chest is beating like that man in that room is holding a gun to me. Waiting. Watching me for one excuse. I love you brother, and I know that you will get away with whatever you've done. But that man in there is holding a gun, and I'm terrified of it. I could lose you. I could lose my family. I could lose my very life, brother. I feel that fear everywhere. It is in my bones and in my blood. And you standing there, not even red in the face, terrifies me.
[WP] You wake up with the ability see what drugs people are on, and how high/drunk/intoxicated they are on a scale of 1-10. You come to the startling realization that everybody is just plastered 24/7.	8:29:57... 8:29:58... 8:29:59... 8:30:00... That momentary lag and...\DI-DI-DING\ \DI-DI-DING\...my alarm starts its racket. I can hear Dads shuffling steps upstairs and... yep, right on the dot I can hear Mom letting out the dogs. 8:33:26 Start up the shower, gotta grab a towel from the closet. No towels in the closet, gotta go upstairs to grab one. 8:34:18 "Would you brew your Mother a pot of coffee?" "Sure Dad, just gotta grab a towel real quick." 8:37:12 Coffee is brewing and I'm trying to melt away the kink in my neck from sleeping wrong. 8:52:07 Showered, dressed, refreshed. Don't have to leave for class till noon, could kill some time on Reddit... 12:08:17 Shitshitshit where's my keys. 12:09:12 Give Mom a hug. She is at 2, remind her to take her Xanax. Says that she just did. Pass Dad in the garage. His list is beyond the ceiling. Seventeen some-odd meds a day would do that to you. "Parkinson's, a hell of a thing" as he always says. 12:28:56 Class. Nearly everyone on campus had some level of caffeine over three. A good number had some other substance listed. Recognized most of these, it is allergy season after all. At least four had alcohol and six or seven had illegal substances. 12:32:06 Professor just walked in, blazed out of his mind. May need to hit him up next time my stash is getting low. 14:26:22 Just walked pass an Officer arresting some punk for possession. Kid was cleaner than the Officer. 15:02:03 John called, wants to meet up for some food. 15:20:56 John wants me to "be his witness" at the custody meeting with his lawyer and his babies momma. I say sure. Food's good, John covers the bill. 16:00:23 Lawyers office. The lawyer has the sniffles, I suggest some benadryl. Ashley (the babies momma) is on some high strength pain pills, not sure if legit or just popping. Harold (Ashleys new boyfriend) is clean, which is scary considering his mental history. 20:04:18 Ashley got temp custody. Lawyer said a house with a mother and a father is better for the child. 20:16:32 John sure is moody. We call up some friends, tell them John needs a stiff drink. 22:36:09 Johns at a eight for alcohol. Everyone else is hovering around a five. Last mirror check said I'm at a four. 23:00:36 Some girl just about got roofied. Bro of a bartender swapped the asshats and the girls drink when the ass wasn't looking. This should be fun. 23:18:22 Asshat is passed out in the bathroom. Johns taking it easy after I told him to lay off the hard stuff. Most everyone is around a seven. 23:55:54 Harold just showed up. Nothing listed for him is his psychosis pills and some of what is listed is some strong shit. 01:43:13 Drunk tank is a hell of a place to wake up in. Fred and Bill are still out. John is still drunk, but happy. Lawyer had called him to tell him he gets final custody once CPS is done with their investigation.	It's hard to appreciate the scope of these things until they hit you right over the head- everyone's head, namely. It started without warning one early morning, a perky "7" floating above my mother. After a couple of seconds of rubbing the sleep from my eyes and gawking at her, I decided I hadn't slept well and went for a walk to clear my head. Everyone I passed that day must have noticed my confusion. 4's, 5's, the occasional 7 or 8, all bright and perky while I tried to keep my sanity from unraveling any further. As I walked around I noticed that the some of the numbers had a different quality to them too. The guys playing hackysack in the park had playful 8's, in a green comic sans. The high-powered business exec whizzing by in his Lambo had an angry looking 9. For the most part though, people's numbers all looked the same as my mom. A muddy brown, bordering between fuzzy and sharp. Regular passerby seemed to average around 5, some gabbing new moms 7's as they pushed their 2's strollers along. Passing the playground, even the kids carried a 3 or a 4. Everyone had a number. Seeing as my mental state wasn't improving, I figured a glance up above my own head couldn't hurt. A little harder to read from below, but I still made out a brownish "2". Lying to myself, I rationalized that this was just another sleep-deprivation-fueled-waking-dream. Finishing essays all night would do that to you. Seeing as there was nothing dangerous about these hallucinations, I decided I needed to just wake up. Almost on cue, my walk had taken me to my favorite local coffeehouse. Mmh. Smells like 10.
[WP] You wake up with the ability see what drugs people are on, and how high/drunk/intoxicated they are on a scale of 1-10. You come to the startling realization that everybody is just plastered 24/7.	8:29:57... 8:29:58... 8:29:59... 8:30:00... That momentary lag and...\DI-DI-DING\ \DI-DI-DING\...my alarm starts its racket. I can hear Dads shuffling steps upstairs and... yep, right on the dot I can hear Mom letting out the dogs. 8:33:26 Start up the shower, gotta grab a towel from the closet. No towels in the closet, gotta go upstairs to grab one. 8:34:18 "Would you brew your Mother a pot of coffee?" "Sure Dad, just gotta grab a towel real quick." 8:37:12 Coffee is brewing and I'm trying to melt away the kink in my neck from sleeping wrong. 8:52:07 Showered, dressed, refreshed. Don't have to leave for class till noon, could kill some time on Reddit... 12:08:17 Shitshitshit where's my keys. 12:09:12 Give Mom a hug. She is at 2, remind her to take her Xanax. Says that she just did. Pass Dad in the garage. His list is beyond the ceiling. Seventeen some-odd meds a day would do that to you. "Parkinson's, a hell of a thing" as he always says. 12:28:56 Class. Nearly everyone on campus had some level of caffeine over three. A good number had some other substance listed. Recognized most of these, it is allergy season after all. At least four had alcohol and six or seven had illegal substances. 12:32:06 Professor just walked in, blazed out of his mind. May need to hit him up next time my stash is getting low. 14:26:22 Just walked pass an Officer arresting some punk for possession. Kid was cleaner than the Officer. 15:02:03 John called, wants to meet up for some food. 15:20:56 John wants me to "be his witness" at the custody meeting with his lawyer and his babies momma. I say sure. Food's good, John covers the bill. 16:00:23 Lawyers office. The lawyer has the sniffles, I suggest some benadryl. Ashley (the babies momma) is on some high strength pain pills, not sure if legit or just popping. Harold (Ashleys new boyfriend) is clean, which is scary considering his mental history. 20:04:18 Ashley got temp custody. Lawyer said a house with a mother and a father is better for the child. 20:16:32 John sure is moody. We call up some friends, tell them John needs a stiff drink. 22:36:09 Johns at a eight for alcohol. Everyone else is hovering around a five. Last mirror check said I'm at a four. 23:00:36 Some girl just about got roofied. Bro of a bartender swapped the asshats and the girls drink when the ass wasn't looking. This should be fun. 23:18:22 Asshat is passed out in the bathroom. Johns taking it easy after I told him to lay off the hard stuff. Most everyone is around a seven. 23:55:54 Harold just showed up. Nothing listed for him is his psychosis pills and some of what is listed is some strong shit. 01:43:13 Drunk tank is a hell of a place to wake up in. Fred and Bill are still out. John is still drunk, but happy. Lawyer had called him to tell him he gets final custody once CPS is done with their investigation.	San Francisco. Such a beautiful place...from far away. I had moved here from Nebraska. My home town had seemed too empty, too small. I needed change, adventure. To prove that I was my own man. At first, it was thrilling. I had decided to couch surf for a little while, while I took in the sites. I had met some crazy people, been robbed a couple times. Eventually, I had decided to get a job. I now work as a barista at a little coffee shop named Leaf Blend. Working there full time, I can afford to share a small studio with three other people. But I cut down on a lot of the cost of that with student loans. That pays the other half of my rent, and a bit of my food, along with the food stamps. Overall, it's not a bad life. Still better than Nebraska. Today I am off to work. I only show up to school enough so they won't drop my loans. No need to overwork myself. It's a walk down the hills to the Tenderloin. I see a guy smoking crack, a woman shitting on the sidewalk...nothing unusual. Normally the homeless tend not to see people. Or if they do, you are clearly not a person to them. Maybe you are a dragon, or a potato. But you are never you. That is why when a sober, sane looking homeless gentleman stepped in front of me and looked at me right in the eyes, I felt very alarmed. I grew even more alarmed when he said, "Nice day, isn't it?", smiled at me, and then patted me on the shoulder. I cannot express to you the amount of terror that this odd interaction created in me. In San Francisco, even well dressed rich people look down, or right through you. No one looks AT you. It's...too warm. Almost against unspoken rules. My spirits dampened by this vulgar display of aggression, I proceeded down the hill, through the cracked sideways, by the graffiti encrusted walls, around the discarded shoes, over the piles of vomit, piss and used needles, and finally, to the Leaf Blend. It was only when I entered and surveyed the room that I noticed the incredible horror that surrounded me. I was able to tell the drugs that every person in there was on. The business men who still had hints of cocaine in their system, the hipsters who had been high on weed for the last five years. My coworker Ashley, who was still tripping on acid. The middle aged housewives, looking so content on their valium. This whole damn city was high. And the worst thing...I could feel what they couldn't. Every suppressed bit of anxiety, every dream that was squashed through the overdosage of whatever chemical they had used to kill their ambition. I felt ALL of it! I looked down at my hands. What was I on? Something terrible. Something that had done this to me. How?... That man! That man who smiled and patted me on the back! I had to find him. I couldn't live my whole life like this.
[WP] It is take your child to work day at a magazine agency. The journalist of an advice column has to step away for a moment and their child starts answering the letters for the column.	Dear Desiree, My husband and I have been married 8 years this July, and I'm finding the fun has been lacking our marriage lately. We both work and have two kids, the usual excuses. We've tried pretend play, costumes, various other toys, but nothing seems to be working. Any advice? Frustrated in Fredonia Dear Frustrated, Toys are great, but sometimes to really have fun, you simply have to get back to basics. When was the last time you and your husband just bounced around on the bed for an hour or so? Or maybe went outside to find a place to play? Maybe a play-date with another couple is in order? Dear Desiree, I recently started dating a wonderful guy. He's attractive, fit, caring, he listens well, and enjoys all the same activities I enjoy. The only problem? He's small. Like, 10 year old boy small. I'd really like to start a serious relationship with this man, but I'm not sure I can get past his lack of size. What should I do?" Disappointed in Dallas Dear Disappointed, I know from personal experience that dealing with someone who is that small can be a chore, especially when you want to do something physical like riding in a swing or climbing on each others backs. But if you really like him, stick with it, and just try to find activities that you both can enjoy equally. I think you'll find that he will appreciate you making the effort, and will be very eager to return the favor to you in any way he can. Dear Desiree, Any tips for soon-to-be newlyweds, looking forward to our honeymoon?" Eager in Eagleton* Dear Eager, One of the best times I had is when my family went to a dude ranch one summer. We rode horses, cooked beans over an open fire, all that kind of stuff. My sister and I decided we were "Reverse Cowgirls", since we were pretending to be Cowgirls but were really still city girls at heart, you know? Anyway, when we told the adults they seemed to think that was pretty funny, except for Mom for some reason.	Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut grabbed the Seattle Times with unchecked enthusiasm and opened to page three. Ignoring the yelp of surprise from the elderly woman she took the paper from, she quickly looked to the column entitled: Advice from a Mother. She saw her name! And her question! >From: Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut. >I often get made fun of for my name at school, I was wondering how I could make them stop. She quickly turned her eyes below to the answer. >From: Jake. Who? Didn't it usually say a mother? >Well youre name suckz though to be fair. BUt maybe its fine becuz you can chnge it. Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut's smile faded as she pondered the advice. Change her name? She didn't know if she could go through with such a thing. Her father had produced blue wrenches, her grandfather had locusts swarm his field and destroy his business (forcing his only son to go into the ludicrous business of colored wrenches) and his father had planted and grown... apple trees. She wasn't keen on the last bit, but her name was all she had. She quickly tore herself away from her thoughts to avoid the old woman who was now chasing her. She was quick for a handicapped woman. Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut rubbed her chin in thought, dropping the paper in a garbage can as she made her way home. "That was unnecessary, you could have given it back!" The woman shrieked. "Do you ever not complain?" Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut asked. "No wonder you're alone on the street with no one to take care of you." "Oh my!" The old woman clutched her chest, as though her heart would fall from it. "I've never! What's your name young lady?" "Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut." Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut stated. "That's a dumb name." Mary Elizabeth Bluewrench Swarmfield Chesternut agreed.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	"Bros before hoes, bros before hoes. You dun goofed man." he said to himself as he swooped down on the castle in the middle of town, aiming straight for the castle keep. The few defenders on the castle's roof fled in fear, their stubby legs propelling them away from his presence. Leaping down from the keep's roof to the front entrance, he landed with a quick roll on his back and stood up in front of the barred gate. "You should've listened to me, this princess was never in need of rescuing." he muttered to himself as the wooden door flew into bits and he marched straight into the great hall. This place was familiar to him as until recently he had been a tolerated presence in these parts, even though the memories of his first reign of terror still prevailed amongst the inhabitants. At the end of the room, a woman sat on a short chair with a pensive mien, and to her right was a bed. Inside it slept a portly man, his rotund figure covered by a blanket. Her eyes sparkled like sapphires as a mischievous smile appeared on her face, and she stood up. "So after that display of rage you put on the last time you were here, and disturbing our party with your displays of strength and wit, you think you're welcome here?" she said with a slight tinge of sarcasm. "I thought you would be taking care of your little whelp, after all, he takes after you, including that those orange hairs on your head and brows. Always wondered why a lizard like you would even have hair." "Princess, don't indulge me, you know what I came here for. It's not you, I'm completely over my infatuation, not after you tried to kill me for singeing your hair. By kicking me with your stiletto heels and slapping me silly." he snapped, and pointed to the sleeping figure on the bed "I'm here for him." "He may not like me for not having known how to treat women right, but after being such an example of chivalry, I can't fault him." He looked at his buddy, and all the times they fought each other over the most petty of things, one of which was in front of him right now. Her tone changed, and she changed her pose on her chair, leaning back on it and crossing her legs underneath her flowing skirt. "I would rather think he's been enjoying himself in my company, after all, guarding a princess can be quite... taxing." She ended that statement with a smirk and what he thought was a wink. Moving forward, his face met hers, his eyes narrowing to thin slits. "Oh I know it is. Just as much as keeping her prisoner." and he turned towards the sleeping form. "Now Peach, if you'll excuse me, I think Mario here needs to go back to his home.:"	We were friends, you know? I mean sure we had our struggles and we fought, but I couldn't just stand by and let her do this to him. I've been telling him since they started dating "She is up to no good, trust me, I mean look at how many times I captured her, who gets captured that often without wanting it?". That's when he looked me square in the eyes and said "Bowser, you've always been my friend, but I need you to step off of this one." I was going to leave it alone, I really was, but when I found her in bed with that mushroom headed freak, I had to do something.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	This is just embarassing. It's bad enough that my son's inattentiveness led to him bedding that foul beast in the first place. What sort of imbecile thinks a king would order him to "lay the dragon" in the first place? It took us six months to stop him trying to sneak back out to her cave. It was another year before he'd consider a betrothal. It took all my influence to arrange for him to marry a woman worthy of our family's station. I'll owe her father favors for the rest of my life. His reputation as "the dragonf***er" is a blemish we won't soon remove. But I found him a beautiful bride. She's spirited and strong, the kind of woman who will turn my idiot son's head away from any thought of dragons. Somehow she knew about the wedding. The dragon, I mean. That beast's amorous notions matched my son's. On the day of the union, she saw fit to darken our skies and "rescue" her beloved. She announced herself with a shrill roar that sent every horse in the yard into a panic. A lash of her tail toppled the west tower and covered the entrance to the armory. After she scorched our archers, the knights fled on foot. The few cowards who were too slow to seek shelter, she eviscerated. When she tore open the wall of the cathedral, it was the princess herself whose ferocity stayed the dragon for a time. She plucked a sword from the scabbard of a fleeing knight and swung it wildly at the face of that monster. Her pearl-white dress made her look like an enraged angel as she screamed and charged, believing she was protecting her husband-to-be. I may never fully understand why she lived. With a fireless breath, the dragon knocked her onto her back. The sword in her hand was removed effortlessly, and the dragon stared into her eyes for a long moment before moving on to my boy. The princess lay watching as he climbed atop the dragon's neck. "I'm sorry, I never wanted this," I heard him say before they launched into the sky. I'm humiliated. I'm the lord who became father-in-law to a dragon, whose son broke his betrothal to a beautiful princess, and whose castle lies in ruins. My title is meaningless; the people have fled and the land is all I have. So I embrace my lot in life. My son and his..."wife" have come home to nest here. I feel as if I live in an asylum for the infirm. Let's not even speak of my grandchildren.	We were friends, you know? I mean sure we had our struggles and we fought, but I couldn't just stand by and let her do this to him. I've been telling him since they started dating "She is up to no good, trust me, I mean look at how many times I captured her, who gets captured that often without wanting it?". That's when he looked me square in the eyes and said "Bowser, you've always been my friend, but I need you to step off of this one." I was going to leave it alone, I really was, but when I found her in bed with that mushroom headed freak, I had to do something.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Once upon a time, a young man took a walk. He walked away from the apartment he shared with the woman he had promised to marry. Onto a street he had passed many times before, but never set foot on. When he came across a wooded path, he followed it. At the end, he found a dragon. It had been so long since he had seen the creature, he almost didn't notice when it slinked from the deep shadows of evening. Time had not been kind to the dragon. It moved slowly, bones and muscles weak, joints rusty. It's voice was raspy as it said, "Sit with me, old friend." The man took a seat on a fallen tree. The dragon settled next to him. For a moment, neither spoke. Then, the dragon asked, "Where did the knight go?" The man looked at the beast, not understanding the question. "What happened to the boy who looked up into summer sky and saw a dragon, where everyone else saw a passing cloud? Who leapt from a cliff into a lake to escape my fiery breath? The boy who saw a knight when he looked at his reflection? Where did he go?" The man understood the question, but had no answer. He felt a heavy feeling in his chest. A feeling he got when he thought about work or the cost of the wedding or the next ten years of his life. "I'm too old for imaginary friends," he said. The dragon laughed. "Were you too old when you were thirteen? The night your father left? You came into the backyard in tears, and we dueled for hours. You used a broken branch as your sword." "Or when you were seventeen," the dragon continued. "When you came in first place during that cross country meet, with me chasing on your heels the entire way." The dragon laughed, the voice stronger now, tiny flames in his nostrils. "And let's not forget college. You'd have flunked out if it weren't for the fact that I camped outside your dorm, night after night, keeping you in there with no option but to study. "Or when you were twenty, and the princess you laid with asked for a bedtime story, and you delighted her with tales of the mighty battles we'd fought. What happened to her?" "Things didn't work out with that princess." "And what of the princess you've promised yourself to now? What would she think if you whispered our tales in her ear?" Again, the young man felt that heavy feeling in his chest. "The knight I knew wouldn't feel shame about his past adventures. He wouldn't promise himself to a woman he had to hide the best parts of himself from. He wouldn't spend his days locked away from the sky to afford gifts to purchase her affection. He wouldn't promise away the rest of his life out of fear. "You've never slain me, but you'll kill me all the same. I'm already an echo in your heart. Let the forge of your imagination go cold, and I promise you, I will be the least of what you miss in this life."	We were friends, you know? I mean sure we had our struggles and we fought, but I couldn't just stand by and let her do this to him. I've been telling him since they started dating "She is up to no good, trust me, I mean look at how many times I captured her, who gets captured that often without wanting it?". That's when he looked me square in the eyes and said "Bowser, you've always been my friend, but I need you to step off of this one." I was going to leave it alone, I really was, but when I found her in bed with that mushroom headed freak, I had to do something.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Knights. Despicable creatures, most of them, anyway. One of them was knocking on my door and jarred me awake. I groggily rose and opened the chamber door to let in only a sliver of light. I looked down, and surely enough there stood one of those sparkly jerks. Why did they always have to wear such shiny armor? The glare was severely aggravating my unadjusted eyes. The irritation was just right for making me the cranky dragon they expected to face. "Augh! Who dares disturb my slumber?" "It is I, Yorrick the Mighty! I shall vanquish you to prove my strength." "Yeah, that's what they all say, kid," I scoffed. For such bold words, the thing that stood before me really was only a boy. He looked as though he was drowning in metal, for the suit was clearly too big for him. He insisted that I succumb to his will, but I wasn't buying his act. I had no intention of tearing him down, however, so I asked, "Well, what distinguishes you from the rest?" "I am the son of Jorrick, of Blaukinschpul." "Jorrick? Of Blaukinschpul? Trained by the legendary Honey Badger who gave no shits and defeated the troll-wizard Zorlok?" "The very same." I could not believe my ears, and excitement took hold of me. I opened the door wide and roared, "Yorrick, my boy, I knew your father! In fact, he and I were best friends from the time we were smaller than you!" At this, he seemed more shocked than I. "I--I'm not sure I can believe you. My father never said anything about being friends with a dragon, much less the one I've been sent to kill." This struck me hard. "He...sent you to kill me?" "He said to kill a dragon, anyway, and I suppose you were the closest one to be found." "Well, I suppose there are no hard feelings, then. Come in, come in," I said as I ushered the lad into my home. "I can't blame him for not informing you. I'm sure your mother would be highly against it." "You knew my mother, too?" "Ermm...yes and no. Let me tell you a story, Yorrick, son of Jorrick." >Ages ago, when your father was no more than three years old, his father Dorric discovered me as an egg on one of his treasure campaigns, and I was brought to their home. There I hatched, and instead of killing me as all other young dragons are, your grandfather decided that Jorrick and I would be raised side by side; for no one in the land had ever successfully trained a dragon, and he wanted to be first. It was beneficial for all of us, especially me and Jorrick. We quickly bonded, and by the time we reached our prime, he and I embarked on many an adventure together: gathering treasure, rounding up the maidens, slaying monsters, all the knightly spiel. All was splendid in our lives, and we felt that together, we were unstoppable. > >Until Princess Tabitha came into the picture. > >She was a stunning specimen of a woman, hair finer than the softest silk, skin paler than freshly drawn milk from a heifer...and her eyes, those captivating emerald eyes...eyes that took hold of luckless men and never let go. > >These very same eyes rested their gaze upon Jorrick, and immediately he was smitten. From the day she arrived in Blaukinschpul onward, he could never release her from his thoughts. Everything he did was for her; every monster he slayed was in her name; every piece of gold he claimed, he gave to her. He stopped fooling with other women altogether--admirable to be sure, but it certainly put a thorn in our party schedules. I understood there was no reason to hold it against him; it was certain that every man would succumb to the heart's desires. But his motives were changed. No longer did he venture into the darkness for the sake of spreading light and hope; instead, he aimed to serve a mere woman--granted, a fine one, but a woman nonetheless. > >My qualms with the matter may have been fewer had Tabitha acted differently toward your father. Every noble display of affection and generosity from him was met with a certain coldness. Yet, she kept him bound to her daily, and he always answered her calls on a whim. Surely, I thought, this could not be love. At the very least, she was using him, but more often than not, I feared the worst. She always seemed threatened by my presence. Understandable, considering that I am a ferocious fire-spitting creature with an occasional temper, but always I did my best to be amicable with her. But when our eyes met, hers would go ablaze with a fury never before seen. Something was very wrong. I had to find out what. > >Unfortunately, there was no time for my detective work, for Jorrick and Tabitha were soon betrothed. Tabitha wanted to be alone with your father in the days before the wedding ceremony, so they went to a remote castle in the mountains. They had no escorts, and as I was Jorrick's main mode of transportation, he was never properly trained to drive a horse. Thus, Tabitha took the reins, and they were off. I was left behind. Alone. And my brother and best friend was with his wife-to-be. Alone. With no way out. > >In that solitude, doubt slowly ate its way into my core. I knew something had to be wrong. No one goes into seclusion before a wedding, not for this long, not that far away. I let my intuition guide me, and I departed from the city. I was frantic to get to the castle as soon as possible; I flapped my wings hard against the falling snow. > >When I arrived, I approached the towers first, figuring that I'd have more luck finding one of or both of them there. The first window I looked into showed me what I was looking for--though it was not what I would have expected, nor wished to see. > >Tabitha had Jorrick chained to the wall, on his knees, shirtless, covered with small lacerations, and bathing in his own blood. She stood over him with a knife in hand, slowly cutting into his defenseless flesh. He could not resist, for he was in a trance; the same emerald hue that inhabit her shining orbs now took hold of his formerly hazel irises. > >Enraged, I bellowed and smashed through the stone wall. *"Let him alone, Tabitha!"* > >She turned, let out a blood-curdling screech, and ran at me with the dagger. She stabbed me right in the chest, barely missing my vitals. I bellowed again, and before she could escape, I grabbed her, lifted her into the air, and dropped her down the side of the mountain. Her body tumbled, striking many rocks. But I had to be sure the she-devil was dead. I swooped down to her body and breathed the most furious fire I could muster upon her. The corpse crackled and bubbled in the flame. > >I flew back up to the tower, and there stood Jorrick, eyes clearer than they had been in months. After the spell was broken, he regained his strength and broke free of his bonds. With crystal clarity, he laid his gallant gaze upon me. His lips were silent, but his eyes said, "Thank you, brother. I would have been lost without you." > >I received his gratitude with my own eyes. Then our shared moment of brotherly intimacy was overcome with the realization of the atrocity that occurred. I had brutally murdered his betrothed, and though I saved his life, there would be no avoiding the law. I would have to leave Blaukinschpul forever to survive. > >After I dropped your father off at the entrance to the city, I never saw him again. "Wait," said the lad with skeptical blue eyes (for he had early on removed his ill-fitting helmet). "Tabitha's not my mother's name; it's Marianne." "Yes, I know. After my departure, I found this place and stayed in contact with Lord Honey Badger for a few years, and he kept me informed on your father via letters delivered by owls." "Owls? You must be ancient! They stopped using owls before I was born." "Yeah, thanks," I muttered. "I guess that explains why I never heard about you, lad." Then we sat there in silence, he cross-legged with his hands on his lap, and me with my chin in hand. "So this is all well and good," Yorrick began, "but what am I supposed to do now? I'd feel awful about killing a dragon after what you've told me." I chuckled. "Well, can you start off with telling your father that you've found me, perhaps? He and I can train you to be a fantastic knight, and then we'll have all sorts of adventures. It will be like old times!" "Haha, old. Because you're both really old." "You may look like Jorrick, but you have yet to develop his maturity." "Says the dragon who whines like a baby about little boys waking him up in the morning!" "I assure you, you would too." I could tell then that Yorrick would certainly, given enough time, grow to be a fine knight. Just like his father. ___ Edit: added those last two sentences. I thought it made for a slightly better ending.	We were friends, you know? I mean sure we had our struggles and we fought, but I couldn't just stand by and let her do this to him. I've been telling him since they started dating "She is up to no good, trust me, I mean look at how many times I captured her, who gets captured that often without wanting it?". That's when he looked me square in the eyes and said "Bowser, you've always been my friend, but I need you to step off of this one." I was going to leave it alone, I really was, but when I found her in bed with that mushroom headed freak, I had to do something.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Once upon a time, a young man took a walk. He walked away from the apartment he shared with the woman he had promised to marry. Onto a street he had passed many times before, but never set foot on. When he came across a wooded path, he followed it. At the end, he found a dragon. It had been so long since he had seen the creature, he almost didn't notice when it slinked from the deep shadows of evening. Time had not been kind to the dragon. It moved slowly, bones and muscles weak, joints rusty. It's voice was raspy as it said, "Sit with me, old friend." The man took a seat on a fallen tree. The dragon settled next to him. For a moment, neither spoke. Then, the dragon asked, "Where did the knight go?" The man looked at the beast, not understanding the question. "What happened to the boy who looked up into summer sky and saw a dragon, where everyone else saw a passing cloud? Who leapt from a cliff into a lake to escape my fiery breath? The boy who saw a knight when he looked at his reflection? Where did he go?" The man understood the question, but had no answer. He felt a heavy feeling in his chest. A feeling he got when he thought about work or the cost of the wedding or the next ten years of his life. "I'm too old for imaginary friends," he said. The dragon laughed. "Were you too old when you were thirteen? The night your father left? You came into the backyard in tears, and we dueled for hours. You used a broken branch as your sword." "Or when you were seventeen," the dragon continued. "When you came in first place during that cross country meet, with me chasing on your heels the entire way." The dragon laughed, the voice stronger now, tiny flames in his nostrils. "And let's not forget college. You'd have flunked out if it weren't for the fact that I camped outside your dorm, night after night, keeping you in there with no option but to study. "Or when you were twenty, and the princess you laid with asked for a bedtime story, and you delighted her with tales of the mighty battles we'd fought. What happened to her?" "Things didn't work out with that princess." "And what of the princess you've promised yourself to now? What would she think if you whispered our tales in her ear?" Again, the young man felt that heavy feeling in his chest. "The knight I knew wouldn't feel shame about his past adventures. He wouldn't promise himself to a woman he had to hide the best parts of himself from. He wouldn't spend his days locked away from the sky to afford gifts to purchase her affection. He wouldn't promise away the rest of his life out of fear. "You've never slain me, but you'll kill me all the same. I'm already an echo in your heart. Let the forge of your imagination go cold, and I promise you, I will be the least of what you miss in this life."	Blood stained the concrete floor and walls of Sir Cunningham's cells. He could only imagine the horrors that had happened in the dungeon's past. Only one day was spent there, and he was served one meal that barely even resembled food. The windowless cell was cold and damp. Other cells lined the corridor, but they well all empty. Boot steps echoed down the corridor, and Cunningham looked up to see three guards marching toward him. The one in the center was dressed in white an obviously the highest ranking. He put his hand on the wall scanner. The locks on Cunningham' cell door clicked. As the door creaked open, Cunningham prepared himself for another beating. As a knight, he'd been in his share of fights and nearly died several times. Never had he received a beating as severe as the one that the prince and princess gave him yesterday. If he ever got out of this mess, he would take pleasure in seeing both her and her husband face imperial justice. There was certainly enough evidence of their conspiracy to overthrow the king, and now he could add assault of an imperial knight to their charges. Instead of a beating, the guard simply told him to come. The other two guards trained their guns on Cunningham. All of Cunningham's bones ached, and it was humiliating to walk in tattered clothes. That bitch had stripped him of his army and his weapons. As the guards escorted him out of the dungeon, he passed another occupied cell. The man inside looked starved, and unkept. He wondered if the man deserved his fate, or if he too was wrongly imprisoned. Sunlight burned Cunningham's eyes as they stepped outside onto the courtyard. Towers of the castle extended far above him, and twenty yards ahead was the usurping couple. Cunningham sneered as the guards brought him in front of them. "Sir, the prisoner." The head guard gestured to Cunningham. "Thank you." Prince Dan looked down at Cunningham with cold, stell eyes. "Leave us." "Yes sir." The trio of guards marched away and disappeared into the dungeon. "I trust you have learned your lesson on meddling in affairs that do not concern you." Princess Lillain smirked with her thin lips. Her green dress flowed around as she stepped closer to Cunningham. "It is irrelevant if he has learned his lesson. He will surely talk." "Remove his tongue." "He will still write." "Sever his arms and legs. Burn out his eyes so that nobody else can write for him." "A skilled mage can still extract the information from his head." "Sounds like a lobotomy is in order." Lillain's green eyes looked into Cunningham's. He could not even try to hold back his terror. "Leave him the wild and blame the orcs." Large wings flapped in the air behind them. Neither of the traitors could hear it yet, and Cunningham did his best not to show interest. An alarm sounded and men rushed out the towers. A stream of fire blasted across the tower, instantly vaporizing most of the soldiers. Gunfire sprayed the dragon, and he quickly destroyed his attackers. Cunningham couldn't help but feel sorry for them; they had nothing to do with the plot cooked up by their nobility. Kiglar perched on a building near Cunningham. "Heard you required my assistance." "You have heard correctly." Dan pulled out pistol kept within his robe and pointed it at Cunningham's head. A blast of fire reduced him to ashes within seconds before he could pull the trigger. Lillain pulled up her dress to begin running. Kiglar leapt off the building and galloped after her. Teeth the size of swords pierced her body as he bit her in half. The skirt of her dress fell over to spill gore and blood onto the courtyard. Kiglar extended a wing and let Cunningham climb onto his back. It was difficult to pull his weight up onto the large creature, but adrenaline carried him when guards busted out of the dungeon. Laser bolts exploded harmlessly on Kiglar's scales as he flew away. It was relieving to leave that dreadful castle behind.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Knights. Despicable creatures, most of them, anyway. One of them was knocking on my door and jarred me awake. I groggily rose and opened the chamber door to let in only a sliver of light. I looked down, and surely enough there stood one of those sparkly jerks. Why did they always have to wear such shiny armor? The glare was severely aggravating my unadjusted eyes. The irritation was just right for making me the cranky dragon they expected to face. "Augh! Who dares disturb my slumber?" "It is I, Yorrick the Mighty! I shall vanquish you to prove my strength." "Yeah, that's what they all say, kid," I scoffed. For such bold words, the thing that stood before me really was only a boy. He looked as though he was drowning in metal, for the suit was clearly too big for him. He insisted that I succumb to his will, but I wasn't buying his act. I had no intention of tearing him down, however, so I asked, "Well, what distinguishes you from the rest?" "I am the son of Jorrick, of Blaukinschpul." "Jorrick? Of Blaukinschpul? Trained by the legendary Honey Badger who gave no shits and defeated the troll-wizard Zorlok?" "The very same." I could not believe my ears, and excitement took hold of me. I opened the door wide and roared, "Yorrick, my boy, I knew your father! In fact, he and I were best friends from the time we were smaller than you!" At this, he seemed more shocked than I. "I--I'm not sure I can believe you. My father never said anything about being friends with a dragon, much less the one I've been sent to kill." This struck me hard. "He...sent you to kill me?" "He said to kill a dragon, anyway, and I suppose you were the closest one to be found." "Well, I suppose there are no hard feelings, then. Come in, come in," I said as I ushered the lad into my home. "I can't blame him for not informing you. I'm sure your mother would be highly against it." "You knew my mother, too?" "Ermm...yes and no. Let me tell you a story, Yorrick, son of Jorrick." >Ages ago, when your father was no more than three years old, his father Dorric discovered me as an egg on one of his treasure campaigns, and I was brought to their home. There I hatched, and instead of killing me as all other young dragons are, your grandfather decided that Jorrick and I would be raised side by side; for no one in the land had ever successfully trained a dragon, and he wanted to be first. It was beneficial for all of us, especially me and Jorrick. We quickly bonded, and by the time we reached our prime, he and I embarked on many an adventure together: gathering treasure, rounding up the maidens, slaying monsters, all the knightly spiel. All was splendid in our lives, and we felt that together, we were unstoppable. > >Until Princess Tabitha came into the picture. > >She was a stunning specimen of a woman, hair finer than the softest silk, skin paler than freshly drawn milk from a heifer...and her eyes, those captivating emerald eyes...eyes that took hold of luckless men and never let go. > >These very same eyes rested their gaze upon Jorrick, and immediately he was smitten. From the day she arrived in Blaukinschpul onward, he could never release her from his thoughts. Everything he did was for her; every monster he slayed was in her name; every piece of gold he claimed, he gave to her. He stopped fooling with other women altogether--admirable to be sure, but it certainly put a thorn in our party schedules. I understood there was no reason to hold it against him; it was certain that every man would succumb to the heart's desires. But his motives were changed. No longer did he venture into the darkness for the sake of spreading light and hope; instead, he aimed to serve a mere woman--granted, a fine one, but a woman nonetheless. > >My qualms with the matter may have been fewer had Tabitha acted differently toward your father. Every noble display of affection and generosity from him was met with a certain coldness. Yet, she kept him bound to her daily, and he always answered her calls on a whim. Surely, I thought, this could not be love. At the very least, she was using him, but more often than not, I feared the worst. She always seemed threatened by my presence. Understandable, considering that I am a ferocious fire-spitting creature with an occasional temper, but always I did my best to be amicable with her. But when our eyes met, hers would go ablaze with a fury never before seen. Something was very wrong. I had to find out what. > >Unfortunately, there was no time for my detective work, for Jorrick and Tabitha were soon betrothed. Tabitha wanted to be alone with your father in the days before the wedding ceremony, so they went to a remote castle in the mountains. They had no escorts, and as I was Jorrick's main mode of transportation, he was never properly trained to drive a horse. Thus, Tabitha took the reins, and they were off. I was left behind. Alone. And my brother and best friend was with his wife-to-be. Alone. With no way out. > >In that solitude, doubt slowly ate its way into my core. I knew something had to be wrong. No one goes into seclusion before a wedding, not for this long, not that far away. I let my intuition guide me, and I departed from the city. I was frantic to get to the castle as soon as possible; I flapped my wings hard against the falling snow. > >When I arrived, I approached the towers first, figuring that I'd have more luck finding one of or both of them there. The first window I looked into showed me what I was looking for--though it was not what I would have expected, nor wished to see. > >Tabitha had Jorrick chained to the wall, on his knees, shirtless, covered with small lacerations, and bathing in his own blood. She stood over him with a knife in hand, slowly cutting into his defenseless flesh. He could not resist, for he was in a trance; the same emerald hue that inhabit her shining orbs now took hold of his formerly hazel irises. > >Enraged, I bellowed and smashed through the stone wall. *"Let him alone, Tabitha!"* > >She turned, let out a blood-curdling screech, and ran at me with the dagger. She stabbed me right in the chest, barely missing my vitals. I bellowed again, and before she could escape, I grabbed her, lifted her into the air, and dropped her down the side of the mountain. Her body tumbled, striking many rocks. But I had to be sure the she-devil was dead. I swooped down to her body and breathed the most furious fire I could muster upon her. The corpse crackled and bubbled in the flame. > >I flew back up to the tower, and there stood Jorrick, eyes clearer than they had been in months. After the spell was broken, he regained his strength and broke free of his bonds. With crystal clarity, he laid his gallant gaze upon me. His lips were silent, but his eyes said, "Thank you, brother. I would have been lost without you." > >I received his gratitude with my own eyes. Then our shared moment of brotherly intimacy was overcome with the realization of the atrocity that occurred. I had brutally murdered his betrothed, and though I saved his life, there would be no avoiding the law. I would have to leave Blaukinschpul forever to survive. > >After I dropped your father off at the entrance to the city, I never saw him again. "Wait," said the lad with skeptical blue eyes (for he had early on removed his ill-fitting helmet). "Tabitha's not my mother's name; it's Marianne." "Yes, I know. After my departure, I found this place and stayed in contact with Lord Honey Badger for a few years, and he kept me informed on your father via letters delivered by owls." "Owls? You must be ancient! They stopped using owls before I was born." "Yeah, thanks," I muttered. "I guess that explains why I never heard about you, lad." Then we sat there in silence, he cross-legged with his hands on his lap, and me with my chin in hand. "So this is all well and good," Yorrick began, "but what am I supposed to do now? I'd feel awful about killing a dragon after what you've told me." I chuckled. "Well, can you start off with telling your father that you've found me, perhaps? He and I can train you to be a fantastic knight, and then we'll have all sorts of adventures. It will be like old times!" "Haha, old. Because you're both really old." "You may look like Jorrick, but you have yet to develop his maturity." "Says the dragon who whines like a baby about little boys waking him up in the morning!" "I assure you, you would too." I could tell then that Yorrick would certainly, given enough time, grow to be a fine knight. Just like his father. ___ Edit: added those last two sentences. I thought it made for a slightly better ending.	Blood stained the concrete floor and walls of Sir Cunningham's cells. He could only imagine the horrors that had happened in the dungeon's past. Only one day was spent there, and he was served one meal that barely even resembled food. The windowless cell was cold and damp. Other cells lined the corridor, but they well all empty. Boot steps echoed down the corridor, and Cunningham looked up to see three guards marching toward him. The one in the center was dressed in white an obviously the highest ranking. He put his hand on the wall scanner. The locks on Cunningham' cell door clicked. As the door creaked open, Cunningham prepared himself for another beating. As a knight, he'd been in his share of fights and nearly died several times. Never had he received a beating as severe as the one that the prince and princess gave him yesterday. If he ever got out of this mess, he would take pleasure in seeing both her and her husband face imperial justice. There was certainly enough evidence of their conspiracy to overthrow the king, and now he could add assault of an imperial knight to their charges. Instead of a beating, the guard simply told him to come. The other two guards trained their guns on Cunningham. All of Cunningham's bones ached, and it was humiliating to walk in tattered clothes. That bitch had stripped him of his army and his weapons. As the guards escorted him out of the dungeon, he passed another occupied cell. The man inside looked starved, and unkept. He wondered if the man deserved his fate, or if he too was wrongly imprisoned. Sunlight burned Cunningham's eyes as they stepped outside onto the courtyard. Towers of the castle extended far above him, and twenty yards ahead was the usurping couple. Cunningham sneered as the guards brought him in front of them. "Sir, the prisoner." The head guard gestured to Cunningham. "Thank you." Prince Dan looked down at Cunningham with cold, stell eyes. "Leave us." "Yes sir." The trio of guards marched away and disappeared into the dungeon. "I trust you have learned your lesson on meddling in affairs that do not concern you." Princess Lillain smirked with her thin lips. Her green dress flowed around as she stepped closer to Cunningham. "It is irrelevant if he has learned his lesson. He will surely talk." "Remove his tongue." "He will still write." "Sever his arms and legs. Burn out his eyes so that nobody else can write for him." "A skilled mage can still extract the information from his head." "Sounds like a lobotomy is in order." Lillain's green eyes looked into Cunningham's. He could not even try to hold back his terror. "Leave him the wild and blame the orcs." Large wings flapped in the air behind them. Neither of the traitors could hear it yet, and Cunningham did his best not to show interest. An alarm sounded and men rushed out the towers. A stream of fire blasted across the tower, instantly vaporizing most of the soldiers. Gunfire sprayed the dragon, and he quickly destroyed his attackers. Cunningham couldn't help but feel sorry for them; they had nothing to do with the plot cooked up by their nobility. Kiglar perched on a building near Cunningham. "Heard you required my assistance." "You have heard correctly." Dan pulled out pistol kept within his robe and pointed it at Cunningham's head. A blast of fire reduced him to ashes within seconds before he could pull the trigger. Lillain pulled up her dress to begin running. Kiglar leapt off the building and galloped after her. Teeth the size of swords pierced her body as he bit her in half. The skirt of her dress fell over to spill gore and blood onto the courtyard. Kiglar extended a wing and let Cunningham climb onto his back. It was difficult to pull his weight up onto the large creature, but adrenaline carried him when guards busted out of the dungeon. Laser bolts exploded harmlessly on Kiglar's scales as he flew away. It was relieving to leave that dreadful castle behind.
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	I burst through the door. Splinters fly everywhere but they are quickly incinerated by a burst of flame from my mouth. I smell burning hair, burning silk, burning flesh. Aha! I got her. Blonde-haired, pink-dressed bitch. I walk into the room, stepping over the pile of ash that used to be the princess, and towards the huge four-poster bed. I draw the velvet curtains. "Help!" yells the knight. "Don't worry, I'm here now," I say. With my dagger-like claws, I unpick the fuzzy pink handcuffs to free my love.	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	“But baaaaabe,” Azernoth whined, casting his out arms wide and sinking back into the scarlet cushions of his favorite balcony chair, “I want to watch the game!” His seeing glass, nestled between the merlons of the eastern tower’s parapet, fell askew on its tripod. In the distance the cries of merry men could be heard in the courtyard as they prepared for what was to be one of the greatest football matches of the year. The sound was overtaken as the clinking of cobbled heels upon stone grew louder. A woman, lifting her long, flowing pink dress above her ankles, quickly descended down upon her husband. She had a duster in one hand, which she brandished menacingly at Azernoth. “Not until you’ve swept the living quarters clean, you won’t!” she barked. “Never mind all of the other chores you keep ignoring. When will you ever grow up and help me keep this place clean!?” Azernoth raised his hands in mock defense as the duster, wielded by Princess Anielia, dove repeatedly towards his head. “But babe, I spent all of yesterday cleaning up after Sir Oinksalot! I deserve a break!” “You didn’t clean up after him,” she shouted in exasperation, “you took him out of his pen and scrubbed him down so that you could eat him.” She pointed the duster off to the left, where, sure enough, the good Sir was now rotating on a spit above a small fire with an apple in his mouth. Before Azernoth could respond, a giant thud impacted against the tower, shaking it. Anielia sighed, cursing under her breath. She already knew what the noise meant, and it would only be a complication in her quest to get her husband to do his weekly housework. Letting out a deep breath, she turned and took a step back into the tower. Across the room, perched upon the other balcony, a dragon attempted to poke its head in through the balcony door. A large, dopey voice filled the chamber. “Hi Anielia, can Azernoth come out and play today!” The dragon, a green zweibeiner, grinned madly from ear to ear. “No, Leerkopf, he cannot come out and play today. He has many chores he needs to do. Maybe tomorrow he can play with you, but not today.” Azernoth, sensing a solution to his predicament, rose up from his chair. “Please, babe! I promised him yesterday that I would play with him! You wouldn’t want me to break a promise, now would you?” “Oh, pretty please! Pretty please with sugar on top!” The dragon bellowed. “See, just look at that face!” Azernoth pleaded. Leerkopf scaly face contorted into an expression resembling that of a sad puppy. “No!” Anielia bellowed, grabbing her husband by the shirt and dragging him into the room. In a swift movement she slammed the door behind him and locked it, pulling the key out. She then turned on Leerkopf, pushed his head out the door, slamming it shut while withdrawing the key. “He doesn’t leave until he does his chores! I’ve had enough of this!” With that she thrust the duster into Azernoth’s hands. “I’ll free you when you’ve finished your chores. Until then, I’m locking you in the tower!” “But babe!” “No buts! By the gods, you’re like a child! A spoiled child!” With that she stormed down the stairwell, slamming the door behind her. The sound of the lock turning echoed throughout the chamber. A voice drifted in from behind the balcony door. “She seems really mad today, Az, maybe I should just come back again tomorrow.” “No!” Azernoth shouted, “You can’t leave me here! You’ve got to rescue me. Rescue me from the princess!” “I don’t know, Az…” “Please, buddy? I’ll let you eat part of Oinky if you set me free!” This seemed to catch the dragon’s attention. “Aw man, you know I always wanted to eat him! But I don’t wanna be yelled at by Anielia…she’s scary…” “If you rescue me, buddy, we can go far away from here! To a place where there are no chores, and we can eat Sir Oinksalot and any of his relatives anytime we want! We can watch football, drink mead, and make the bards sing for us whenever we please!” “Okay, Az, I’ll break you out!” ******* “And so,” the man said, resting the book upon his lap, “the dragon took to the skies and, with a great burst of flame from its mouth, burned the door away and freed the noble knight from the princess’s cruel trap. They flew far, far away, to a magical land where beer flowed from the taps, football was played at all hours, and no one had to do a single chore, ever. The end.” A tiny girl of no more than six, tucked within her blankets, looked up at her father in the soft glow of the lamplight. “I don’t think that’s how it happened.” She said. “Of course it is!” the father grinned, reaching out and ruffling the little girl’s long, blonde hair. “No,” another voice broke in, coming from the doorway, “I think she’s right. I don’t think that’s what happened, at all.” The father cursed under his breath. The little girl began to smile. Crossing the space between them, the mother, removing her hands from the pockets in her pink hoodie, laid them upon her husband’s shoulders. A golden retriever followed after her, with a big dopey grin on its face. She leaned in, her long blond hair falling upon his head, tickling his ear. “Tell her about the one with the knight who, having failed to do his chores slept all alone on his couch that night, with only his dimwitted dragon to keep him company.”	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	"King me." I looked at the board. I handed her a white piece, grinning as she took it from me. My claws could barely pick the pieces up, let alone stack them on top of each other. Here I was, a dragon without a hostage, trying to free a knight from a princess. And what did I have to do in order to free him? "Hup hup hup! Your turn!" Play checkers. Granted, it was the Queen of the West, fiercest fire magician in the world. Her fireballs engulfed entire nations, she scorched the entire Blackforest wood! She even tamed the troll caves in the north. And she was only four. Yes, this small blond child, cute dimples, high pitched voice and bright orange dress was a nation destroying, fire burning, kidnapping genius. "Uhhh... here... to here.. to here... to...here... king me!" I said triumphantly. She stack a black piece onto mine. Her grin was spun upside down. She took a hard look at the board, staring it down, thinking it would give her an answer. Did I mention she had mastered the four Master languages? Not even the champion scribes of old knew even one of them, let alone four. "Hup, hup, hup...hup...hrmm... hup!" She had taken another four of my pieces. My chances at winning were fast burning up. It was my turn to stare the board down. I had three pieces left, one king and two additional pieces, pawns in a game of... checkers... Oh the odd things in life.	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	It had started with a scream. Jeremiah, like a good knight, had followed the scream, and barged into the room where it originated. What he found was his betrothed, Lillian, with her skirts hiked up and the princess on her knees. They dueled, and while Jeremiah really was a good knight, Princess Verona was simply better. Not only that, but they weren't even physically fighting. According to a maid and butler that had been watching everything whilst in the closet, Verona had challenged Jeremiah to a dancing duel. In their words, Verona had requested to dance, and Jeremiah had taken out his sword. She had laughed at him immediately and began to “release the grooviest moves ever seen” (the maid) and “shook those hips like newly-made jelly just prodded” (the butler). Also according to them, when Jeremiah had danced, Verona had said “Is he having a seizure?” to which Lillian had replied “He's like that in bed, too.” At that point, Jeremiah had apparently burst into tears. The maid and butler had ran to get assistance, and when a train of guards and curious onlookers went up the tower ten minutes later, they were gone. All three of them. Dingles, frankly, didn't care. Dingles just wanted to leave his job, and maybe settle down with another nice dragon and live in a clan again. But no, Dingles had been caught as a child and then raised to do these stupid, menial, dangerous tasks. Nobody wanted to face Princess Verona, for even the people that could fight her wanted no royal blood on their hands. Either that, or they rightfully feared for their lives. But a dragon? Nobody cared if a hunting-dragon died. Dingles was a nodragon. Replaceable. Around his neck was a collar, enchanted and impossible to take off—and the worst part was that if he did not complete the task within the timeframe given, it would kill him. If he went to join a dragon clan, they would laugh at him. And in truth, there was nothing Dingles hated more than true solitude. So he kept it on, and kept doing their jobs. This was the worst job Dingles had ever done. Generally he just chased down thieves or bandits or maybe helped a kitten down from a tree. But to face the fearsome warrior and pro-dancer herself... Dingles shuddered to himself, and he blinked a few times to shake the terror away. His large, bright eyes swept across the ferns. Recent travelers had said they had seen someone similar to Lillian, collecting berries off bushes in Fervvel Forest, so he had come here and had been searching for a clue. Despite all of that, it was still a surprise when Dingles came across the lady herself. Lillian was, as the rumors said, beautiful. She had dark, smooth skin, and pale blue eyes, framed with long lashes. Her hair was a glorious raven river, spilling past her elbows to her hips. Upon seeing Dingles, her pretty gaze glazed over, berry-stained lips rounded. She blinked, and her lovely mouth opened. “Aw, shit,” Lillian said. She turned away, skirts rustling with the motion. “VERONA!” And the lady sprinted off. Dingles groaned, and began to thunder after her. He would not fly well in the forest, with all the trees, so he was reduced to lumbering after the girl. To make it worse, she was outpacing him. He was about to turn away when the princess came into sight. She was dressed in a simple dress with short sleeves. When she reached out to touch Lillian's face, he saw the definition in her arms. Princess Verona was clearly tanned by the sun, but all it did was make her skin fair rather than porcelain white. “Dragon-sir,” Princess Verona said, icy and courteous. “I believe I do understand why you are here.” “I am here to take back Jeremiah,” Dingles said, voice holding a note of frustration. Verona's green eyes flashed. “I apologize, but you cannot take him. If you truly want to, we must duel.” Dingles groaned. Perhaps solitude would be better. “Alright, alright.” Verona gave him a serious look, and drew her sword out of the ornate sheath upon her hips. That was when a dark-haired man came running in. He was panting, and ran a hand over his face. “Lillian, the soup is burning,” he said. Lillian gasped and Verona touched her arm, a clear signal that it was alright to leave. As she left, the man stood up straighter and finally noticed Dingles. He gave Verona a questioning look, but suddenly his expression was stricken. “Don't worry, Jeremiah.” “Please don't fight over me! Oh, gods. Verona!” Jeremiah turned to Dingles. “I'm Jeremiah. I...I...I can explain.” “Please do,” Dingles said. “Alright,” Jeremiah said, “So, uhm, it turns out Verona and Lillian are in love. And uhm, in truth, I...I didn't mind, but, uhm, she said we should duel...” “I didn't know you back then,” Verona reminded him, and gave him a friendly smile which he returned. “And, uhm, we did, and uhm, I mean...There was a moment of badness between us, but...We resolved it.” “He cried and it was kind of cute,” Verona informed. “He was quite kind and embarrassed. I immediately regretted my words and my decisions.” “T-thank you. Anyways, in truth, I...I didn't want to be married, yet. I felt so awkward around Lillian, and in bed it was so weird, but maybe that was because she was a, well, lesbian.” At that, Verona looked at Dingles and transmitted a clear message: It wasn't 'cause Lillian was a lesbian. “I told Verona this, and I told her that...to be honest, I didn't want to be a knight, either.” Dingles stared at him. “What?” “I want to be a priest,” Jeremiah admitted. “Ah, it's just that my brother said I had the makings of a knight, but I've come to realize my true feelings.” “Wouldn't he look good in white?” Lillian said, approaching out from the bushes. She smelled of a rich stew. “Anyways, that's the story.” Dingles pressed his hands against his eyelids, feeling a headache beginning. Finally, he took them away and studied his talons. A long silence hung between them, punctuated only by Jeremiah mumbling “I'm hungry” and a soft noise that seemed to be someone patting his head in comfort. “I have to take Jeremiah,” Dingles said, voice resigned. “No! Please. I like being with them, and they promised to take me to a clergy near the castle.” Jeremiah looked at him, eyes sad. “Please.” “I was ordered by your father to—” “My father just thinks I've disappeared! I will send him a letter as soon as we're in the next city, I promise you. He will not punish you.” “It's not that,” Dingles said, exasperated. “My collar. If I don't return you in a month, I'm dead.” Verona's face lit up. “I'll take it off.” Dingles was about to protest, but Verona was already stepping to him, and in heartbeat she was there, her fingers around the steel. “You can't,” Dingles said. “I can,” Verona said, confident and gentle and beautiful, and Dingles realized why Lillian loved her. At that exact moment, the steel came apart, and Dingles' eyes widened, his claws pressing softly against the scales there. It was off. His chain, his boundary, his limit—it was gone. He could do anything, now. No dragon would laugh at him; he could not be punished. “How?” he asked, stunned. Verona grinned, brilliant and full of light. “I'm the Princess,” she said, “I have higher power than the masters that caught you.” She watched him for a moment as tears welled up in his eyes. “Would you like to come with us?” Dingles looked up, confused. “What?” “Come with us to the castle. On the way there, maybe you can find a place you want to go. You don't have anywhere to go right now after all, right?” Dingles nodded, and a shadow passed over Verona's face. “I mean, you don't have to come with us,” she added hastily, “I'm not trying to force you—” “No, I do,” said Dingles, the words trembling with emotion. In that moment, his heart felt suddenly soothed and softened, and all was fine. And then, Jeremiah's stomach rumbled. The knight—no, soon-to-be-priest—blushed, and Lillian and Verona looked at another and laughed. After a brief moment, Dingles joined in. When the laughter died, they went to eat.	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Well, even I know that this is backwards. But what do you want from me ? Gold is more enticing to me than maintaining appropriate roles. Although, I do agree that messing with the status quo doesn’t do anyone much good, it’ll be chaos before you know it. For one thing, I was not aware they knew we could talk. They being humans, and we being, well, dragons. We do not talk in the traditional sense, but dragons contain an ancient and powerful form of magic. We have lost the art, for the most part, but we are still able to perform some of our old tricks. We communicate, as you would put it, telepathically. There was a time when most humans knew this, when we co-existed in relative peace, before dragons became the enemy. In my opinion, humans did not accidently forget that we were able to communicate. You see, dragons have always had somewhat of an affinity for gold. Humans soon noticed this, and they wanted all of our gold for themselves. Humans never do things by halves; of course they needed all of it. It is simply easier to convince men and women to despise and hunt something when you believe it is a beast, incapable of speech. I couldn’t tell you exactly when we started kidnapping princesses, probably about the time that they started to slaughter us. Eye for an eye, that sort of thing. At first, we simply wanted to trade, we’ll give you back your wife or daughter when you return our gold. Yet again, we underestimated the extraordinary greed of man. Apologies, I became side-tracked. In a cruel twist of fate, a deranged Princess Ophelia has kidnapped the brave knight Sir. Eldard, it falls to me to retrieve him safely. Brave is quite the relative term, Eldard killed my cousin and crippled my sister. But they offered me much gold to retrieve him, their only stipulation was alive, he won’t miss a limb or two. So here I stand, or rather crouch, in the forest surrounding Princess Ophelia’s tower. Yes, in an effort to be even more of a cliché, she is keeping the brave knight in an isolated tower, on an Island in the heart of her kingdom. This is where I came in, in the depth of the night I can travel fairly well undetected. And anyway, if I was revealed, it would probably be in everyone’s best interest if they just allowed me to continue on my way. I don’t make a habit of killing or maiming. If I’m honest, I actually haven’t ever killed a human, but then I am young, at least by my kind’s standards. I prey on cattle and sheep in the farmlands around my home, rotating between the different farms and never taking more than I need. The bones scattered around my cave (yes, we live in caves) I retrieve from battlefields. There is never a shortage of those, these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not strictly speaking, a pacifist. I have inherited from my ancestor’s, a certain fire in the belly, every pun intended. I’m doing it again, sorry. I guess part of me is stalling, I may not be a pacifist, but I do not relish violence either. The Princess is young and beautiful, I’m told. Her Kingdom has been at war with the knight’s for many years, and things have begun to go South. In an act of desperation, the Princess and her loyal followers kidnapped Eldard and are holding him to ransom. They do not want gold however, she simply wishes for the war to end. It won’t work, I saw the look in the King’s eyes when he spoke to me. She should’ve asked for gold, I would have. With a flap of my powerful wings, I surge from the forest and towards the dark tower. Now, as you probably know, I don’t generally fit through human-sized doors. I notice a large window on the far-side of the tower. I can hear her heartbeat. She’s sleeping. She’s alone. I should act now. She’s a woman, barely out of her teens, small and weak. I am a dragon, to call it child’s play would be both inaccurate and an understatement. And yet, something stays my talon. I do not usually become involved in the petty affairs of humans, but something about her plight, the sheer desperation. I can see her thoughts; she has lost three brothers to this war, and a father now lies stricken. I know of her pain, I too have lost those I loved, and the man I lost them to sleeps in this very tower. For first time in my life, I am considering abandoning a quest for gold. What am I doing ? Am I really considering this ? My whole life, I have been told never to engage with humans. They are savages just want your gold and your hide. Yet, she feels, gentle. I reach out to her. “Ophelia, I would say do not panic, but I would probably panic too, in your position. I have been sent here by King Rasmos to retrieve the knight. I know he is here.” The girl sat bolt upright in her bed, eyes wide with panic and she frantically scanned the room, looking for the source of the deep, rich voice. “Who’s there ? Where are you ? Show yourself, I’m armed.” I do the dragon equivalent of a smile. “No you’re not. Princess, I do not mean to alarm you, so forgive me if I do not reveal myself to you. Know this though, I mean you no harm.” The King had offered me a sizeable bonus to take care of the Princess and her followers as well. “Forgive me if I do not believe that, all of Rasmos’ men are brutes. I am calling for my guards. I cannot allow you to leave here, now that you know of our location.” “Luckily for you, I am not one of Ramsos’ men. Listen to me Ophelia, I can help you. The King promised me much to retrieve Eldard, but you see, I can read the King. He is a greedy and unscrupulous man. I do not believe he will make good on his offer. I know too of the pain and loss that comes with war. Give me the knight and I will return him from whence he came.” “No ! I cannot allow that, he is our only leverage. This war must end, too many lives have already been lost.” “That is the way of men, Ophelia. If it is not this, they will find other reasons to kill and maim one another. I did ask your permission to take the knight, but I do not require it. Know this though, the King will never give in to your demands, not simply for the knight. I propose a trade, give me the knight and I will return with more leverage, in the form of his sons.” “Why would I ever trust you ?” I knew then, what I must do. “Close your eyes Ophelia, and see my true form, see my heart. You see, my kind cannot lie to those pure of heart and intention. Do you trust me now ?” “I... How did you do that ? What are you ?” “I am one who has also suffered at the hand of Rasmos’ men. I will return.” With that, I turned my attention to the sleeping knight. I could easily have extracted him from his prison, with more tact, but I am a dragon, after all. I tear open the roof and unleash all my fury into the room, not waking him nearly as gently as I did the Princess. Reaching out a talon, I pluck him from his bed and take off into the night. “Where are you taking me Dragon ?” There was no fear in his voice, only disdain, as if it insulted him to be in my presence. “I am taking you home, knight. Be still, the King sent me.” He relaxed then and sat in smug silence. We flew all through the night and come dawn, we returned to his realm. Locating the palace, I called out with my mind to the king, asking him to come to his balcony to greet us. Then, I begin to fly up, higher and higher I fly. I would return Eldard to the King, I would return him from the Heavens to which he sent my brethren. I can feel his fear as I open my talon. Feel the fear my kin felt when you slaughtered them, you savage. I killed my first human today. I am a dragon, after all.	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Itzqa was five hundred forty seven years old. Still young, as dragons go. But even for his age, Itzqa was small, and a human child could scarcely feel his weight if he stood on the child's palm. Yet Itzqa was filled with curiosity, and loved to explore the human world despite how weak and vulnerable he was. So it was that one day, while exploring a forest, Itzqa happened upon a man sleeping while fishing in a stream. His face was covered in hair, his body was covered in armor, and at his belt there was a sword. To Itzqa he looked quite silly, and the small creature burst out laughing. Hearing the laughter, the man awoke, and saw the laughter was coming from the dragon. "Friend!" the man cried, "Why do you laugh so?" "Your whiskers!" the dragon replied, "They look so silly on you! Wherever did you get them?" "Once," the man replied, "I caught a carp and I ate it whole, but its whiskers became stuck, and they are still on my face to this day." The dragon continued to laugh. "Friend!" the man cried, "Why do you laugh so?" "Your skin!" the dragon replied, "It looks so silly on you! Wherever did you get it?" "Once," the man replied, "I caught a bass and I ate it whole, but its skin became stuck, and it is still on my body to this day." The dragon continued to laugh. "Friend!" the man cried, "Why do you laugh so?" "Your tail!" the dragon replied, "It looks so silly on you! Wherever did you get it?" "Once," the man replied, "I caught a swordfish and I ate it whole, but its nose became stuck in my throat, and I pulled it out and now I carry it with me to this day." The dragon was so amused by this that he walked over to the man and lay beside him. Before long, the man had caught plenty of fish, and the dragon had started a fire, and together, the two ate to their heart's content. So pleased were they by this arrangement that they agreed to travel together, the dragon named Itzqa, and the man, whose name was Ogi. As Itzqa and Ogi walked, they came to a bridge. "Here", Ogi said to Itzqa, "Come, let me carry you so that you do not slip and fall, so that we may continue our journey together." And Itzqa did as he was asked and the pair traveled safely across the bridge. As Itzqa and Ogi walked further, they came to a stretch of sand and rocks littering the path. "Here", Itzqa said to Ogi, "Come, let me walk before you so that I may frighten away all of the snakes and spiders who might bite at you, so that we may continue our journey together." And Ogi did as he was asked and the pair traveled safely across the sand and rocks. Finally, the pair came to a castle. Without fear, they approached, and were welcomed into the castle as guests. They were brought to a table with food, and asked to regale the king and his daughter with tales of their journeys. The two guests spoke of lands far away and great adventures, and as they spoke, the princess became more and more enamored with Ogi, until she declared that she could not live another day without him, and pleaded with her father to allow her to keep Ogi. The king was a kind man, but he had a soft spot for his daughter's whims, and so he did as she asked, and ordered the guards to lock Ogi in a dungeon, to be released only when he fell in love with the princess and declared that he would never leave. Itzqa protested, but neither the princess nor the king could be swayed. At this moment, Itzqa produced an egg of such magnificent colors that it appeared to be covered in jewels, and suddenly, the princess wanted nothing more than to possess this as well. However, just when the princess was about to ask her father to demand that the egg be given to her, Itzqa swallowed the egg whole. "If you wish to possess the egg," Itzqa told her, "I can produce another, but I will not give it to you unless you free Ogi". But though the princess was greedy and wanted the egg, she refused to give up her prisoner. "Very well then," Itzqa said, "Let us play a game. We shall compete in three contests: A contest of skill, a contest of wisdom, and a contest of beauty. If I win all three, then you must free Ogi. If not, you shall have the egg". "Ha!" the princess laughed, "I accept! For there is no way a small lizard such as yourself could ever defeat me!" So Itzqa declared that, for their first contest, the contest of skill, the dragon and the princess would both fill a balloon with their breath, and whichever was able to lift their balloon higher would win. "Ha!" the princess laughed, "With your tiny mouth, you'll never be able to fill a balloon!" So Itzqa and the princess took their balloons and started blowing. And at first, the princess did indeed seem as though she was sure to win. Her balloon kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger! But no matter how hard she blew, the balloon would not lift off of the ground. Meanwhile, the balloon Itzqa blew into filled slowly, but the fire in his belly filled the balloon with warm air that gradually sent it floating skyward until it could no longer be seen. "You may have won this time," the princess said, angrily, "but I'll defeat you in the next contest!" For the second contest, the contest of wisdom, Itzqa declared that the two were to be brought a pile of sand and each was to guess how many grains of sand their pile contained, with whoever guessed most closely to be declared the winner. "Ha!" the princess laughed, "With your little clawed fingers, you'll never be able to sift through the sand to see how much there is!" So the two of them were each brought a large pile of sand. Immediately, the princess began to walk around her pile, peeking at it from every angle, measuring it with various devices. Finally, she declared that her pile contained ten thousand, seven hundred thirty six grains of sand. Then, a hundred soldiers were summoned to count every last grain of sand, and when they were done, they confirmed that the final count was seven hundred thirty five grains of sand. When it came time for Itzqa to act, the dragon poured fire from its mouth over the pile of sand, covering it from every angle until the entire pile of sand had melted into liquid. Then, he got to work blowing on the pile to cool it. When it was done, Itzqa guessed that the pile now contained exactly one grain of sand, and sure enough, the sand had re-formed into one solid piece. "Grrrrr! You may have won this time," the princess said, angrily, "but I'll defeat you in the last contest!" For the last contest, the contest of beauty, Itzqa declared that Ogi would be allowed to choose to bestow a kiss on one of them, and whoever received the kiss would be declared the winner. "Ha!" the princess laughed, "A man as handsome as Ogi would surely never lower himself to kiss a disgusting lizard like you, and I am the most beautiful girl in the land! There is no doubt that he will choose me!" And truly, the princess was a beauty to behold, and it was said that there was no other who could compare to her feminine charms. But when Ogi was told to choose between the two of them, and Ogi was forced to decide between the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, but one who had only ever treated him badly, and a scaly little dragon, but one who had only ever shown him respect and kindness, he did not for a moment hesitate to kiss Itzqa, whereupon Itzqa suddenly transformed into a handsome prince whose blond hair glowed with the radiance of the sun and fair features seemed as though they were painted by the most skilled artists. "Because of your devotion," Itzqa explained to Ogi, "I have become human. Because I love you, and always wish to be by your side." "I love you as well," said Ogi, "and it is also my wish that we never be parted." But the princess would not accept defeat, and screamed that she demanded to be given the egg, and neither Itzqa nor Ogi were to be allowed to leave until she could dine on a dragon's-egg omelet. Compelled to comply with her wishes, Itzqa produced an egg, every bit as beautiful as before, but warned the princess not to eat it, for it could only ever enhance the inner beauty of the one who consumed it. "Then I shall be even more beautiful still!" the princess declared, and had her servants prepare the egg as an omelet, which she then greedily ate. However, no sooner had she done this than her hair began to lose its color, her teeth started falling out, her clothes began to rot off of her flesh, and her skin began to emit a foul odor. "I tried to warn you," Itzqa said to the princess, "that a dragon's egg only enhances the inner beauty of the one who eats it. But inside, you are foul and ugly, and as such you are now equally so on the outside as well." And so, for the rest of her miserable days, the princess caused disgust in the eyes of anyone who saw her or came near her. Meanwhile, Itzqa and Ogi spent the rest of their days happy in each others' arms, and continued to travel the world together. The end.	The blackened stone seemed to glimmer behind the shroud of smoke. The scaly hide tensed. And pounced. A skyward claw emerged from the hellish abyss below. A single bridge dangled below the princess's precarious position--not that it mattered, as she could float around anyways. The claw swung wide-- --as she retaliated with a slap to the face. The draconic monster flew back, whirled around, and saw the night sky overhead. The princess emerged from the pit. --grabbed him-- --thrown to the side-- A jet of steam shot forward but was too far away to touch her. She slammed her hand into the ground-- --she plucked it out-- the weapon The shockwave sent the dragon careening skyward. "Goddamn stitchface turnip gets me everytime!"
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	I burst through the door. Splinters fly everywhere but they are quickly incinerated by a burst of flame from my mouth. I smell burning hair, burning silk, burning flesh. Aha! I got her. Blonde-haired, pink-dressed bitch. I walk into the room, stepping over the pile of ash that used to be the princess, and towards the huge four-poster bed. I draw the velvet curtains. "Help!" yells the knight. "Don't worry, I'm here now," I say. With my dagger-like claws, I unpick the fuzzy pink handcuffs to free my love.	He didnt fight her, but sort of the same story? I looked up at the giant mountain of stone, carefully chiselled to resemble some sort of monument. I know that to get past the first section I would need to scale the edges when there was no one looking, more of the filthy creatures were walking along the edges than usual. Slowly he crept through the water at the base, the creatures couldn’t see properly at this time of the day, and he had a distinct advantage, even tho he was twice the size of them. Slowly he pulled himself over the first lip and down into the trees beyond and braced to hear if some noise was made. After what felt like forever he decided he had not been discovered, I started stalking my way over to the main part of the mountain, I knew that the creature of silver which I had been trying to find was at the top, guarded by the dreaded hairy one, who had various bright colours, obviously to show just how poisonous it was. Once I reached the side, I had a look around, this side of the rock was covered in shadow, and as I was in all black I should be able to climb up without being noticed. I checked my scale armour, no scratches to show up as I was climbing, so I started Climbing up the side, sliding my claws into the gaps within the bricks and slowly pulling myself up using both my hands and feet. Half way up I paused as the moon came out of the clouds, lighting the area up a lot more, I didn’t take a breath the slightest movement could reveal me at this point, leaving me nowhere to run. Slowly the moon started getting obscured and with a sigh of relief I started climbing again. I soon reached the top and peaked just my head over the edge, all clear luckily, it looks as though the top was used mainly for some sort of ritual, and there was dark red stains, all around leaking from small containers and cruelly twisted pieces of wood everywhere with metal pushed into them. It was quite possibly one of the most unnatural scenes I had even seen, I knew that the silver creature held captive was somewhere on the top floor, I had been watching these cliffs for a long time, and the hairy one would never let him leave without accompanying him. Walking over to the hole down I realised that it was going to be a very tight fit, as it was designed for the smaller creatures and would require me to fold myself completely straight to enter it, Sticking my neck in the hole and having a look around I didn’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity, so I pulled myself together and stepped through the entrance. Once at the bottom I quickly checked around the corners, realising that there was 2 of the creatures standing in front of his door, some sort of guards no doubt. Thinking about the best way to do this, I decided that I would need to make a statement, if these creatures wanted to hold something as gloriously silver as the other creature hostage, they needed to be destroyed, if I took out the creatures on the top floor quickly, I should be able to get to the roof, and use the wings I brought with me to glide to safety. I Sprung out of the shadows, Ripping one of the creatures straight to the ground with the claws I used for climbing, and then using my body weight to crush the other one before he could react, my claw stuck in the first one, I bit at the 2nd one, ripping into his throat, These things taste terrible, I spat as much of him as I could out before looking into the guarded room. There, on a pile of wool in front of me was the hairy monster, along with a 2nd hairy monster, where the first one was hairy on top of its head, this new one was a lot bigger and hairy all over. To the side was the silver creature, hanging there with its head down off the wall as it was forced to endure the torment. Quickly, I grabbed the silver creature as the other two started making a huge amount of screeching, and I quickly ran to the hole up, the silver creature was a lot heavier than I expected, but was not resisting me at all, so must of realised I was trying to save it. Once I reached the hole I leapt up straight through it, dragging the silver creature behind me, with screeching occurring everywhere downstairs, and I realised I had woken up the entire hive in the mountain. There was light everywhere, fires burning out of control as the creatures stopped attending them and scurried about towards the main castle. Folding up the silver creature under my arm, I started running towards the edge, and leapt off, hoping that the weight me and the creature combined would not be too heavy, as I flew through the air I felt freedom and relief, from up here it was unlikely that the creatures would be able to reach me. Slowly I descended towards the earth, but for every body length that I fell, I went forwards two, resulting in me moving far beyond the mountains, and the strange fields of plants below, finally reaching the forest. The Lord turned to his wife, the princess from the neighbouring kingdom, with her long flowing hair and asked “Did… that dragon just steal my armour?”
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	“But baaaaabe,” Azernoth whined, casting his out arms wide and sinking back into the scarlet cushions of his favorite balcony chair, “I want to watch the game!” His seeing glass, nestled between the merlons of the eastern tower’s parapet, fell askew on its tripod. In the distance the cries of merry men could be heard in the courtyard as they prepared for what was to be one of the greatest football matches of the year. The sound was overtaken as the clinking of cobbled heels upon stone grew louder. A woman, lifting her long, flowing pink dress above her ankles, quickly descended down upon her husband. She had a duster in one hand, which she brandished menacingly at Azernoth. “Not until you’ve swept the living quarters clean, you won’t!” she barked. “Never mind all of the other chores you keep ignoring. When will you ever grow up and help me keep this place clean!?” Azernoth raised his hands in mock defense as the duster, wielded by Princess Anielia, dove repeatedly towards his head. “But babe, I spent all of yesterday cleaning up after Sir Oinksalot! I deserve a break!” “You didn’t clean up after him,” she shouted in exasperation, “you took him out of his pen and scrubbed him down so that you could eat him.” She pointed the duster off to the left, where, sure enough, the good Sir was now rotating on a spit above a small fire with an apple in his mouth. Before Azernoth could respond, a giant thud impacted against the tower, shaking it. Anielia sighed, cursing under her breath. She already knew what the noise meant, and it would only be a complication in her quest to get her husband to do his weekly housework. Letting out a deep breath, she turned and took a step back into the tower. Across the room, perched upon the other balcony, a dragon attempted to poke its head in through the balcony door. A large, dopey voice filled the chamber. “Hi Anielia, can Azernoth come out and play today!” The dragon, a green zweibeiner, grinned madly from ear to ear. “No, Leerkopf, he cannot come out and play today. He has many chores he needs to do. Maybe tomorrow he can play with you, but not today.” Azernoth, sensing a solution to his predicament, rose up from his chair. “Please, babe! I promised him yesterday that I would play with him! You wouldn’t want me to break a promise, now would you?” “Oh, pretty please! Pretty please with sugar on top!” The dragon bellowed. “See, just look at that face!” Azernoth pleaded. Leerkopf scaly face contorted into an expression resembling that of a sad puppy. “No!” Anielia bellowed, grabbing her husband by the shirt and dragging him into the room. In a swift movement she slammed the door behind him and locked it, pulling the key out. She then turned on Leerkopf, pushed his head out the door, slamming it shut while withdrawing the key. “He doesn’t leave until he does his chores! I’ve had enough of this!” With that she thrust the duster into Azernoth’s hands. “I’ll free you when you’ve finished your chores. Until then, I’m locking you in the tower!” “But babe!” “No buts! By the gods, you’re like a child! A spoiled child!” With that she stormed down the stairwell, slamming the door behind her. The sound of the lock turning echoed throughout the chamber. A voice drifted in from behind the balcony door. “She seems really mad today, Az, maybe I should just come back again tomorrow.” “No!” Azernoth shouted, “You can’t leave me here! You’ve got to rescue me. Rescue me from the princess!” “I don’t know, Az…” “Please, buddy? I’ll let you eat part of Oinky if you set me free!” This seemed to catch the dragon’s attention. “Aw man, you know I always wanted to eat him! But I don’t wanna be yelled at by Anielia…she’s scary…” “If you rescue me, buddy, we can go far away from here! To a place where there are no chores, and we can eat Sir Oinksalot and any of his relatives anytime we want! We can watch football, drink mead, and make the bards sing for us whenever we please!” “Okay, Az, I’ll break you out!” ******* “And so,” the man said, resting the book upon his lap, “the dragon took to the skies and, with a great burst of flame from its mouth, burned the door away and freed the noble knight from the princess’s cruel trap. They flew far, far away, to a magical land where beer flowed from the taps, football was played at all hours, and no one had to do a single chore, ever. The end.” A tiny girl of no more than six, tucked within her blankets, looked up at her father in the soft glow of the lamplight. “I don’t think that’s how it happened.” She said. “Of course it is!” the father grinned, reaching out and ruffling the little girl’s long, blonde hair. “No,” another voice broke in, coming from the doorway, “I think she’s right. I don’t think that’s what happened, at all.” The father cursed under his breath. The little girl began to smile. Crossing the space between them, the mother, removing her hands from the pockets in her pink hoodie, laid them upon her husband’s shoulders. A golden retriever followed after her, with a big dopey grin on its face. She leaned in, her long blond hair falling upon his head, tickling his ear. “Tell her about the one with the knight who, having failed to do his chores slept all alone on his couch that night, with only his dimwitted dragon to keep him company.”	He didnt fight her, but sort of the same story? I looked up at the giant mountain of stone, carefully chiselled to resemble some sort of monument. I know that to get past the first section I would need to scale the edges when there was no one looking, more of the filthy creatures were walking along the edges than usual. Slowly he crept through the water at the base, the creatures couldn’t see properly at this time of the day, and he had a distinct advantage, even tho he was twice the size of them. Slowly he pulled himself over the first lip and down into the trees beyond and braced to hear if some noise was made. After what felt like forever he decided he had not been discovered, I started stalking my way over to the main part of the mountain, I knew that the creature of silver which I had been trying to find was at the top, guarded by the dreaded hairy one, who had various bright colours, obviously to show just how poisonous it was. Once I reached the side, I had a look around, this side of the rock was covered in shadow, and as I was in all black I should be able to climb up without being noticed. I checked my scale armour, no scratches to show up as I was climbing, so I started Climbing up the side, sliding my claws into the gaps within the bricks and slowly pulling myself up using both my hands and feet. Half way up I paused as the moon came out of the clouds, lighting the area up a lot more, I didn’t take a breath the slightest movement could reveal me at this point, leaving me nowhere to run. Slowly the moon started getting obscured and with a sigh of relief I started climbing again. I soon reached the top and peaked just my head over the edge, all clear luckily, it looks as though the top was used mainly for some sort of ritual, and there was dark red stains, all around leaking from small containers and cruelly twisted pieces of wood everywhere with metal pushed into them. It was quite possibly one of the most unnatural scenes I had even seen, I knew that the silver creature held captive was somewhere on the top floor, I had been watching these cliffs for a long time, and the hairy one would never let him leave without accompanying him. Walking over to the hole down I realised that it was going to be a very tight fit, as it was designed for the smaller creatures and would require me to fold myself completely straight to enter it, Sticking my neck in the hole and having a look around I didn’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity, so I pulled myself together and stepped through the entrance. Once at the bottom I quickly checked around the corners, realising that there was 2 of the creatures standing in front of his door, some sort of guards no doubt. Thinking about the best way to do this, I decided that I would need to make a statement, if these creatures wanted to hold something as gloriously silver as the other creature hostage, they needed to be destroyed, if I took out the creatures on the top floor quickly, I should be able to get to the roof, and use the wings I brought with me to glide to safety. I Sprung out of the shadows, Ripping one of the creatures straight to the ground with the claws I used for climbing, and then using my body weight to crush the other one before he could react, my claw stuck in the first one, I bit at the 2nd one, ripping into his throat, These things taste terrible, I spat as much of him as I could out before looking into the guarded room. There, on a pile of wool in front of me was the hairy monster, along with a 2nd hairy monster, where the first one was hairy on top of its head, this new one was a lot bigger and hairy all over. To the side was the silver creature, hanging there with its head down off the wall as it was forced to endure the torment. Quickly, I grabbed the silver creature as the other two started making a huge amount of screeching, and I quickly ran to the hole up, the silver creature was a lot heavier than I expected, but was not resisting me at all, so must of realised I was trying to save it. Once I reached the hole I leapt up straight through it, dragging the silver creature behind me, with screeching occurring everywhere downstairs, and I realised I had woken up the entire hive in the mountain. There was light everywhere, fires burning out of control as the creatures stopped attending them and scurried about towards the main castle. Folding up the silver creature under my arm, I started running towards the edge, and leapt off, hoping that the weight me and the creature combined would not be too heavy, as I flew through the air I felt freedom and relief, from up here it was unlikely that the creatures would be able to reach me. Slowly I descended towards the earth, but for every body length that I fell, I went forwards two, resulting in me moving far beyond the mountains, and the strange fields of plants below, finally reaching the forest. The Lord turned to his wife, the princess from the neighbouring kingdom, with her long flowing hair and asked “Did… that dragon just steal my armour?”
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	Well, even I know that this is backwards. But what do you want from me ? Gold is more enticing to me than maintaining appropriate roles. Although, I do agree that messing with the status quo doesn’t do anyone much good, it’ll be chaos before you know it. For one thing, I was not aware they knew we could talk. They being humans, and we being, well, dragons. We do not talk in the traditional sense, but dragons contain an ancient and powerful form of magic. We have lost the art, for the most part, but we are still able to perform some of our old tricks. We communicate, as you would put it, telepathically. There was a time when most humans knew this, when we co-existed in relative peace, before dragons became the enemy. In my opinion, humans did not accidently forget that we were able to communicate. You see, dragons have always had somewhat of an affinity for gold. Humans soon noticed this, and they wanted all of our gold for themselves. Humans never do things by halves; of course they needed all of it. It is simply easier to convince men and women to despise and hunt something when you believe it is a beast, incapable of speech. I couldn’t tell you exactly when we started kidnapping princesses, probably about the time that they started to slaughter us. Eye for an eye, that sort of thing. At first, we simply wanted to trade, we’ll give you back your wife or daughter when you return our gold. Yet again, we underestimated the extraordinary greed of man. Apologies, I became side-tracked. In a cruel twist of fate, a deranged Princess Ophelia has kidnapped the brave knight Sir. Eldard, it falls to me to retrieve him safely. Brave is quite the relative term, Eldard killed my cousin and crippled my sister. But they offered me much gold to retrieve him, their only stipulation was alive, he won’t miss a limb or two. So here I stand, or rather crouch, in the forest surrounding Princess Ophelia’s tower. Yes, in an effort to be even more of a cliché, she is keeping the brave knight in an isolated tower, on an Island in the heart of her kingdom. This is where I came in, in the depth of the night I can travel fairly well undetected. And anyway, if I was revealed, it would probably be in everyone’s best interest if they just allowed me to continue on my way. I don’t make a habit of killing or maiming. If I’m honest, I actually haven’t ever killed a human, but then I am young, at least by my kind’s standards. I prey on cattle and sheep in the farmlands around my home, rotating between the different farms and never taking more than I need. The bones scattered around my cave (yes, we live in caves) I retrieve from battlefields. There is never a shortage of those, these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not strictly speaking, a pacifist. I have inherited from my ancestor’s, a certain fire in the belly, every pun intended. I’m doing it again, sorry. I guess part of me is stalling, I may not be a pacifist, but I do not relish violence either. The Princess is young and beautiful, I’m told. Her Kingdom has been at war with the knight’s for many years, and things have begun to go South. In an act of desperation, the Princess and her loyal followers kidnapped Eldard and are holding him to ransom. They do not want gold however, she simply wishes for the war to end. It won’t work, I saw the look in the King’s eyes when he spoke to me. She should’ve asked for gold, I would have. With a flap of my powerful wings, I surge from the forest and towards the dark tower. Now, as you probably know, I don’t generally fit through human-sized doors. I notice a large window on the far-side of the tower. I can hear her heartbeat. She’s sleeping. She’s alone. I should act now. She’s a woman, barely out of her teens, small and weak. I am a dragon, to call it child’s play would be both inaccurate and an understatement. And yet, something stays my talon. I do not usually become involved in the petty affairs of humans, but something about her plight, the sheer desperation. I can see her thoughts; she has lost three brothers to this war, and a father now lies stricken. I know of her pain, I too have lost those I loved, and the man I lost them to sleeps in this very tower. For first time in my life, I am considering abandoning a quest for gold. What am I doing ? Am I really considering this ? My whole life, I have been told never to engage with humans. They are savages just want your gold and your hide. Yet, she feels, gentle. I reach out to her. “Ophelia, I would say do not panic, but I would probably panic too, in your position. I have been sent here by King Rasmos to retrieve the knight. I know he is here.” The girl sat bolt upright in her bed, eyes wide with panic and she frantically scanned the room, looking for the source of the deep, rich voice. “Who’s there ? Where are you ? Show yourself, I’m armed.” I do the dragon equivalent of a smile. “No you’re not. Princess, I do not mean to alarm you, so forgive me if I do not reveal myself to you. Know this though, I mean you no harm.” The King had offered me a sizeable bonus to take care of the Princess and her followers as well. “Forgive me if I do not believe that, all of Rasmos’ men are brutes. I am calling for my guards. I cannot allow you to leave here, now that you know of our location.” “Luckily for you, I am not one of Ramsos’ men. Listen to me Ophelia, I can help you. The King promised me much to retrieve Eldard, but you see, I can read the King. He is a greedy and unscrupulous man. I do not believe he will make good on his offer. I know too of the pain and loss that comes with war. Give me the knight and I will return him from whence he came.” “No ! I cannot allow that, he is our only leverage. This war must end, too many lives have already been lost.” “That is the way of men, Ophelia. If it is not this, they will find other reasons to kill and maim one another. I did ask your permission to take the knight, but I do not require it. Know this though, the King will never give in to your demands, not simply for the knight. I propose a trade, give me the knight and I will return with more leverage, in the form of his sons.” “Why would I ever trust you ?” I knew then, what I must do. “Close your eyes Ophelia, and see my true form, see my heart. You see, my kind cannot lie to those pure of heart and intention. Do you trust me now ?” “I... How did you do that ? What are you ?” “I am one who has also suffered at the hand of Rasmos’ men. I will return.” With that, I turned my attention to the sleeping knight. I could easily have extracted him from his prison, with more tact, but I am a dragon, after all. I tear open the roof and unleash all my fury into the room, not waking him nearly as gently as I did the Princess. Reaching out a talon, I pluck him from his bed and take off into the night. “Where are you taking me Dragon ?” There was no fear in his voice, only disdain, as if it insulted him to be in my presence. “I am taking you home, knight. Be still, the King sent me.” He relaxed then and sat in smug silence. We flew all through the night and come dawn, we returned to his realm. Locating the palace, I called out with my mind to the king, asking him to come to his balcony to greet us. Then, I begin to fly up, higher and higher I fly. I would return Eldard to the King, I would return him from the Heavens to which he sent my brethren. I can feel his fear as I open my talon. Feel the fear my kin felt when you slaughtered them, you savage. I killed my first human today. I am a dragon, after all.	He didnt fight her, but sort of the same story? I looked up at the giant mountain of stone, carefully chiselled to resemble some sort of monument. I know that to get past the first section I would need to scale the edges when there was no one looking, more of the filthy creatures were walking along the edges than usual. Slowly he crept through the water at the base, the creatures couldn’t see properly at this time of the day, and he had a distinct advantage, even tho he was twice the size of them. Slowly he pulled himself over the first lip and down into the trees beyond and braced to hear if some noise was made. After what felt like forever he decided he had not been discovered, I started stalking my way over to the main part of the mountain, I knew that the creature of silver which I had been trying to find was at the top, guarded by the dreaded hairy one, who had various bright colours, obviously to show just how poisonous it was. Once I reached the side, I had a look around, this side of the rock was covered in shadow, and as I was in all black I should be able to climb up without being noticed. I checked my scale armour, no scratches to show up as I was climbing, so I started Climbing up the side, sliding my claws into the gaps within the bricks and slowly pulling myself up using both my hands and feet. Half way up I paused as the moon came out of the clouds, lighting the area up a lot more, I didn’t take a breath the slightest movement could reveal me at this point, leaving me nowhere to run. Slowly the moon started getting obscured and with a sigh of relief I started climbing again. I soon reached the top and peaked just my head over the edge, all clear luckily, it looks as though the top was used mainly for some sort of ritual, and there was dark red stains, all around leaking from small containers and cruelly twisted pieces of wood everywhere with metal pushed into them. It was quite possibly one of the most unnatural scenes I had even seen, I knew that the silver creature held captive was somewhere on the top floor, I had been watching these cliffs for a long time, and the hairy one would never let him leave without accompanying him. Walking over to the hole down I realised that it was going to be a very tight fit, as it was designed for the smaller creatures and would require me to fold myself completely straight to enter it, Sticking my neck in the hole and having a look around I didn’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity, so I pulled myself together and stepped through the entrance. Once at the bottom I quickly checked around the corners, realising that there was 2 of the creatures standing in front of his door, some sort of guards no doubt. Thinking about the best way to do this, I decided that I would need to make a statement, if these creatures wanted to hold something as gloriously silver as the other creature hostage, they needed to be destroyed, if I took out the creatures on the top floor quickly, I should be able to get to the roof, and use the wings I brought with me to glide to safety. I Sprung out of the shadows, Ripping one of the creatures straight to the ground with the claws I used for climbing, and then using my body weight to crush the other one before he could react, my claw stuck in the first one, I bit at the 2nd one, ripping into his throat, These things taste terrible, I spat as much of him as I could out before looking into the guarded room. There, on a pile of wool in front of me was the hairy monster, along with a 2nd hairy monster, where the first one was hairy on top of its head, this new one was a lot bigger and hairy all over. To the side was the silver creature, hanging there with its head down off the wall as it was forced to endure the torment. Quickly, I grabbed the silver creature as the other two started making a huge amount of screeching, and I quickly ran to the hole up, the silver creature was a lot heavier than I expected, but was not resisting me at all, so must of realised I was trying to save it. Once I reached the hole I leapt up straight through it, dragging the silver creature behind me, with screeching occurring everywhere downstairs, and I realised I had woken up the entire hive in the mountain. There was light everywhere, fires burning out of control as the creatures stopped attending them and scurried about towards the main castle. Folding up the silver creature under my arm, I started running towards the edge, and leapt off, hoping that the weight me and the creature combined would not be too heavy, as I flew through the air I felt freedom and relief, from up here it was unlikely that the creatures would be able to reach me. Slowly I descended towards the earth, but for every body length that I fell, I went forwards two, resulting in me moving far beyond the mountains, and the strange fields of plants below, finally reaching the forest. The Lord turned to his wife, the princess from the neighbouring kingdom, with her long flowing hair and asked “Did… that dragon just steal my armour?”
[WP] A dragon has to fight a princess to free a captured knight.	I burst through the door. Splinters fly everywhere but they are quickly incinerated by a burst of flame from my mouth. I smell burning hair, burning silk, burning flesh. Aha! I got her. Blonde-haired, pink-dressed bitch. I walk into the room, stepping over the pile of ash that used to be the princess, and towards the huge four-poster bed. I draw the velvet curtains. "Help!" yells the knight. "Don't worry, I'm here now," I say. With my dagger-like claws, I unpick the fuzzy pink handcuffs to free my love.	There is only one genre in which this makes sense. % nbsp; "Fufufufu... Did you think you could defeat me? I am the ETERNAL SOVEREIGN OF WOE! You're nothing more than a magically enhanced lizard..." the high pitched voice said, grinning throughout. The gargantuan lizard growled, and prepared to strike at the humanoid enchantress, the Princess of the kingdom, who was using her comatose father as a shield to allow her to rule without the risk of assassination. The dragon roared, and fire erupted from the depths of its throat. "Your fire will not avail you against the ETERNAL SOVEREIGN OF WOE!" The humanoid girl muttered, unscathed from the blaze. The dragon glared, and flapped its wings, and swooped down at the little human-thing. It shouted, before it chomped on the girl. "I AM FIRE! I AM DEATH! YOU HAVE ANGERED THE WRONG CREATURE TODAY, WITCH!" It swallowed. Then a voice enamated in the air. "Fufufufufufu... Did you think you could defeat me so easily? You just gave me access to your delicate inner organs! Perhaps I can pierce your heart, make it serve me rather than the pitful display of humanity held by Ser Bedevere." The dragon growled. "You will not touch my human, witch. NO MORE!" The dragon drew in its arcane energy, and erupted in flame, jettisonning the Princess out from its mouth, then repeatedly clawed at the girl in mid-air. The princess pirouetted, and landed on a tower. "Child's play." The dragon's eyes widened. This witch was formidable indeed. It would require training to defeat. The dragon flew away, muttering "next time, human. next time!"

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