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Maybe I did... I don't remember.
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I'd love to get you in an operating room. Just once.
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Can you believe how perfect it fits?
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Yeah. Who'd have thought they'd both be a size 138 regular.
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You're late again, Rick.
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I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse.
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There can be no excuse for tardiness.
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You're absolutely right. I should never have stopped to save that drowning infant. I'm just weak, Sister; I'm so weak.
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Sister, do you ever get lonely after vespers? If you do, why don't you give me a call. I'm in the book.
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Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is.
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Right... Think it over.
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You always were sneaky, Stan, very sneaky.
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Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me.
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True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already?
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You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that.
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Stan, you're depressing me... Hey, I didn't know you were going to fill 'er up. Just take a couple of gallons, okay?
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That's an even trade... a cotton ball for all my blood.
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Okay, Rick, all finished. I can't wait for that bachelor party... I need the action.
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Nah, that's okay. My brother has to look up old people's asses all day long. Let's give him a break.
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Right. Give me the will to live. Let me go first.
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Thanks a lot, that was the best. You're next.
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Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect?
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Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts.
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Thanks, Stan, you've been a lot of help.
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Oh... it's... er... the guys from the beer convention. We're bringing them to the party.
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Great. I was wondering, how do you guys go to the bathroom in that thing?
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Where'd she go?
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She probably had sex scheduled for 12:30. O'Neill, let's pick up the guys for a drink... I have major news to announce.
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Where the hell is he?
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Knowing Larry, he probably missed the flight.
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What's the matter?
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Nothing... Let's get crazy!
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We'll spend an hour with "Nymphos Without Pants"...
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Olivier's in that, right?
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Then it's on to the real thing.
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Excuse me, but this is as arousing as a stroll through the Vatican.
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This isn't right.
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Don't you love it when old friends stop by?
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Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody.
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I'm not really hungry.
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C'mon. I insist.
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What the hell is that?
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My gift to you.
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Under the table!
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The best table in the house.
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I think you'll enjoy this table.
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So long, Father.
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I don't get it. Why didn't you go for it just now?
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I don't know. Maybe it's because I love Debbie or maybe it's hard for me to get off in a place that smells like egg salad. I'm not sure.
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Rick, I'm concerned.
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About what?
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This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet.
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Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens.
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I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please.
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Oooooo.
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Right in there, pal.
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If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics.
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That's the old Rick!
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How'd it go?
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Put it to you this way you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister.
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I'm proud of you, lad.
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Who was that?
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I don't know.
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What's this?
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Got me.
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How 'bout this?
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Still drawing a blank.
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He look familiar?
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Very.
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C'mon. Get the hookers in a circle. We better put Cochise out of business.
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Now, don't get into any trouble.
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Take care.
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Hey, you guys...
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Who's your friend?
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How about this, a Trojan donkey.
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And here's Mike's partner, in more ways than one. A gal who doesn't think happiness ends with primates. The very lovely, Miss Desiree...
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What are you going to do about it?
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What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing.
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I'll stop him... You stall him.
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Reach out and snort someone.
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I'm saved. Let's party!
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Guess who's here? Another surprise guest.
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Who?
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Debbie.
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My Debbie?
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What's with her costume?
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I don't know... Go up to her, make like you don't know her and send her into the other bedroom.
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You got it.
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How are we doing? My name is O'Neill. And you are...?
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Klupner. Mrs. Klupner.
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Mrs.?
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I'm separated.
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Then there is a God. Why don't we take that baby picture.
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I'm getting one heck of a glare off your dress there. Could you undo a few buttons?
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Of course.
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Er... perhaps we ought to stop now.
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No. Let's at least finish the set.
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Girls, why don't we go inside for lunch. Boys, would you mind bringing in that lemonade?
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In a second... And you're irresponsible. Show some initiative, try to better yourself, stop showing off, actions speak louder than words.
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The thought of that person marrying my daughter makes me want to upchuck.
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