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Maybe I did... I don't remember.
I'd love to get you in an operating room. Just once.
Can you believe how perfect it fits?
Yeah. Who'd have thought they'd both be a size 138 regular.
You're late again, Rick.
I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse.
There can be no excuse for tardiness.
You're absolutely right. I should never have stopped to save that drowning infant. I'm just weak, Sister; I'm so weak.
Sister, do you ever get lonely after vespers? If you do, why don't you give me a call. I'm in the book.
Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is.
Right... Think it over.
You always were sneaky, Stan, very sneaky.
Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me.
True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already?
You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that.
Stan, you're depressing me... Hey, I didn't know you were going to fill 'er up. Just take a couple of gallons, okay?
That's an even trade... a cotton ball for all my blood.
Okay, Rick, all finished. I can't wait for that bachelor party... I need the action.
Nah, that's okay. My brother has to look up old people's asses all day long. Let's give him a break.
Right. Give me the will to live. Let me go first.
Thanks a lot, that was the best. You're next.
Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect?
Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts.
Thanks, Stan, you've been a lot of help.
Oh... it's... er... the guys from the beer convention. We're bringing them to the party.
Great. I was wondering, how do you guys go to the bathroom in that thing?
Where'd she go?
She probably had sex scheduled for 12:30. O'Neill, let's pick up the guys for a drink... I have major news to announce.
Where the hell is he?
Knowing Larry, he probably missed the flight.
What's the matter?
Nothing... Let's get crazy!
We'll spend an hour with "Nymphos Without Pants"...
Olivier's in that, right?
Then it's on to the real thing.
Excuse me, but this is as arousing as a stroll through the Vatican.
This isn't right.
Don't you love it when old friends stop by?
Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody.
I'm not really hungry.
C'mon. I insist.
What the hell is that?
My gift to you.
Under the table!
The best table in the house.
I think you'll enjoy this table.
So long, Father.
I don't get it. Why didn't you go for it just now?
I don't know. Maybe it's because I love Debbie or maybe it's hard for me to get off in a place that smells like egg salad. I'm not sure.
Rick, I'm concerned.
About what?
This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet.
Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens.
I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please.
Oooooo.
Right in there, pal.
If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics.
That's the old Rick!
How'd it go?
Put it to you this way you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister.
I'm proud of you, lad.
Who was that?
I don't know.
What's this?
Got me.
How 'bout this?
Still drawing a blank.
He look familiar?
Very.
C'mon. Get the hookers in a circle. We better put Cochise out of business.
Now, don't get into any trouble.
Take care.
Hey, you guys...
Who's your friend?
How about this, a Trojan donkey.
And here's Mike's partner, in more ways than one. A gal who doesn't think happiness ends with primates. The very lovely, Miss Desiree...
What are you going to do about it?
What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing.
I'll stop him... You stall him.
Reach out and snort someone.
I'm saved. Let's party!
Guess who's here? Another surprise guest.
Who?
Debbie.
My Debbie?
What's with her costume?
I don't know... Go up to her, make like you don't know her and send her into the other bedroom.
You got it.
How are we doing? My name is O'Neill. And you are...?
Klupner. Mrs. Klupner.
Mrs.?
I'm separated.
Then there is a God. Why don't we take that baby picture.
I'm getting one heck of a glare off your dress there. Could you undo a few buttons?
Of course.
Er... perhaps we ought to stop now.
No. Let's at least finish the set.
Girls, why don't we go inside for lunch. Boys, would you mind bringing in that lemonade?
In a second... And you're irresponsible. Show some initiative, try to better yourself, stop showing off, actions speak louder than words.
The thought of that person marrying my daughter makes me want to upchuck.