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Screw that.
Hookers beat you up?
Yes.
I didn't know you were into that.
Gary, how we doing, big stallion?
Rick, I really think I'm in love.
This is cause for celebration. She'll probably charge half price for sex from now on.
So we want your best girls, the cream of your crop.
Let's see your bread.
Park View Hotel, Room 1002.
They'll be up there in a half hour.
Okay. Nice to meet you both.
Jumbo, where the hell are the women?
What are you talking about, asshole?
Your whores never showed up.
They left an hour ago, pink nuts.
Screw you!
That's it, prick lips.
What are you...
I've had it, numb nuts... How much money you got?
Why?
Because I'm pissed off. Now give me your cash.
This is bad public relations. I was planning to do a lot of business with you. But now I'm going to have to go elsewhere.
Hey. I'm sorry. You want girls. I'll give you girls.
Give him the works.
That's more like it.
Ed, we're so glad you could come over at the last minute and judge our little beauty pageant.
My pleasure, Al... Always happy to help out in a pinch... Excuse me. I better call my service... tell them where I am.
Congratulations on your daughter's wedding. Who's she marrying?
A real turd.
Well... hope she'll be very happy.
Great bathing suit.
I think I screwed that one once.
Thanks for helping us out, Ed. We appreciate it.
Any time, Al.
I'm using the same caterer for the shower I had for our Christmas party last year.
Great, Mom.
Why is Cole here?
You know your father enjoys his company.
A strange wang right in my palm.
Ilene, we don't really know that.
What kind of job? I'm a housewife.
Quiet, Mother.
I hope Ilene's all right.
I hope those guys are all right.
If I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's bachelor party.
Ilene, why would I want to do that? I trust Rick.
Of course you do. I trusted my ex, Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk from experience. What do you think they do at these parties, have tea and play scrabble?
Ilene, Rick promised...
Debbie, don't be naive. Men are pigs.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Look, you heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party.
That doesn't mean it was Rick's party.
Debbie, men are pigs if they can have women, we can have men.
Let's go.
Look, girls I'll stay behind and hold them off. The rest of you break for it!
Ilene, are you crazy?
I know what I'm doing... Go!
God, you're a slob.
But a fabulous cook.
What are we having?
It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or charred flesh. I won't know till it's finished.
I think your dinner's burning.
Don't worry... it's supposed to do this.
Want to hear something great? Bobbie and Phoebe are throwing me a shower. It's really gonna be fun.
Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are throwing for me.
You're going to have a bachelor party?
Of course. I'm a traditional guy... It's a traditional event. Well, what do you think?
It looks awful.
Yes, but looks are deceiving... Not in this case, however.
Are you going to have women at your party?
No, sweetheart, it's a stag party. Does stay home.
I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers.
Oh, those. Why do you ask?
Because from what I've heard, it's a tradition and you're a traditional guy.
Huh? Wha...
I can't sleep.
Oh... I got something for that.
Stop fooling around... I need to talk.
What's the matter?
I don't know... I just feel scared.
About what?
The wedding, my parents, your family, our friends, my job, the future, our relationship, the caterers, my gown, your tuxedo, our honeymoon, the apartment, my shower, your bachelor party...
I think the only think you've left out are our relations with the Soviet Union. Sweetheart, everything's gonna be all right.
Before or After I have my nervous breakfown?
C'mere.
That feels so great.
Good...
Um... that's very relaxing.
Now, I want you to lie down and drift off to slumberland.
Well... twentyfour more hours to go and tonight we'll share with our friends and loved ones the joys of those last moments of singleness.
You better not have too much joy.
Wouldn't think of it. Because tomorrow... We're going to the chapel and we're...
Gonna get married...
This is it, lady. Last stop.
Can't I just go with you guys?
Sorry, we got men's business to do. It's no place for a lady.
Remember, you promised... no screwing around.
Did I promise that? I don't remember that...
You're really pissing me off.