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Erica, you coming?
Mmmm.
So you came by to see how the other half lives, huh? Well, here we are, What do you think? Pretty fucking pathetic huh? Kind of like one of those documentaries on educational TV?
It's nice here. It's different.
Yeah, totally. So, uh, what do they interview you about?
Hi.
Hi.
So you, like, come from a town like this or...?
No, not really. I come from an "area". Bel Air.
You rich?
No, not really. Middleclass.
Oh, me too. Middleclass.
Maybe uppermiddleclass.
Thinks he is. Well, he is.
He is?
Yes.
He is.
He is.
And you love him a lot. He bought you a BMW for your birthday, but you finally had to move out and get your own place. I mean, I know, it's time to leave the nest. Parents hate your smoking. You didn't tell them about the abortion. All your friends got boob jobs, you got the tattoo instead. Subscribe to Vaniety Fair.
You got everything right but the car. My dad didn't get me a BMW.
What'd he get you?
A Porsche.
Mm.
Yeah. So, what about you?
What about me? I don't have a car.
You just seem to know all these things about me and I don't know anything about you, you know. What kind of music do you like?
Military marching bands.
You think I'm rich and you hate me.
Now, how the hell would you know what I think? Hm? You don't know me.
I'd like to.
Oh, yeah?
Mmmm.
You know, it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Really?
Well, I mean, you have to understand I was just this dopey kid mopping floors and kissing officer ass. I mean, well, I enlisted right out of high school. So I just wanted something different in my life.
Mm.
"It's not a job, it's an adventure." Right? I hated it. I had to get out. So I was working in the kitchen, chopping lettuce, you know, real heroic stuff, and I, uh, I had this big fucking knife and I chopped off the tip of my little finger and three days later I was a free man.
You cut off your little finger?
Well, they, uh they were nice enough to sew it back on.
Let's see.
I mean, what is there to be happy about really? I mean, going to the gym, climbing the StairMaster, eating the yogurt, checking the voice mail. Smoking the lowtar cigarettes, shaving the bikini line. Sometimes I just want something different, you know?
What was your name again?
Erica.
Erica. So do you think you and I are alike, Erica?
Deep down. Way down.
It's a mistake to think that.
We could still talk, you know? It's nice to talk.
It's nice to do a lot of things.
That's what I mean.
I'm not a nice guy.
I know. It's okay.
Yeah?
Mmhm. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. If I didn't want to be here, I'd be in a limo right now with a bunch of kids looking for Chinese food.
No, no, see, you, you don't understand.
Hay? Yeah? So teach me a lesson.
It's okay. This kind of thing happens. It's just never happened to me. I'm sorry. It's true though. Mm. So, um, what's your TCB tattoo stand for? What's that about?
Taking care of business.
I'm sorry.
What's up guys?
Uh, you know, just admiring the scenery, you know?
You were a shitty lineman and now your a shitty cop. Yeah, blow me, I'm drunk.
Okay, come on. Time to slow down.
Who's going to slow me down? You, you fat pig.
Alright, get in the car before I have to embarrass you in front of your friend.
Hey, Gary, how's the divorce comin'?
Will you stand up for me?
Okay.
Come on. Inside.
Okay. We'll go for a ride.
Hey, yes! Hey, Pony, man! Great concert tonight!
Oh, you were there?
No, but I heard it was great.
Oh, thanks. Thanks.
So tell us, man. Party time, trashin' hotel rooms, babes around the clock?
Naw, naw, we don't have time for all that.
Oh, So what about her?
Yeah, we're all above that.
See, I wrote something about all this. Uh, it, it's a song about...
Well, play it, man.
No, no, no, no, no, it's new.
Please.
I just started it.
I don't care. I'm gonna drop it. I'm gonna drop it. I'm...
Don't drop the guitar, man.
Whoa!
No, no, whoa!
Hey, I'm glad you put truth in your song, man. That's important.
Hey, thanks, man.
Come on, man. Sh, sh, sh.
No man. He's probably the most famous guy that'd ever come in this place. You're lucky he's here.
Thanks. See man?
You know? I remember coming here with my parents.
You make videos?
Oh, yeah, all the time. That's what I do now.
You know what would be cool is, like, to do a music video, you know? But, like, you know, have it set in here. You know, like, like, like, with her and shit. You know, like, you know, like, "Closed, closed, closed, closed, closed, closed."
"Closed, closed, closed." But with your music.
You could do it.
I could.
Yeah!
Yeah.