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Well, I need to see this with an audience!
What's an audience going to tell you?
I don't know. Maybe they'll like it.
Consuelo?
Yes, Mikey?
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Yes.
Really? How many?
Four brothers and five sisters.
Wow. Why did your parents have so many children? I mean, if they were poor, wouldn't it be better to have just one or two?
It was God's will.
But do you really believe in God? And heaven, hell and angels and all kind of stuff?
No.
When I'm in high school I'm not going to play any football. I'm just going to concentrate on class rank. What did you do in high school?
I did not go to high school.
Weren't there high schools in El Salvador?
We had to work. My family was poor.
Must've been hard being poor.
I'm still poor.
Hmmm. But, Consuelo, even though your poor, don't you have any hobbies or interests or anything?
No, Mikey.
But like, what do you like to do when you're not working?
I'm always working.
But when you're not. Like now. What do you like to do?
This is work.
But it's not like real work. This is just babysitting.
Consuelo. Are you crying?
No.
Yes, you are. I can tell. What's the matter?
Mi Jesusmi jesus
Speak English.
Mi Jesus esta muerto!
Consuelo, I'm sorry, but you know if you don't speak English I can't understand you.
My Jesus
Who is Jesus?
My baby.
You have a bay?
My grandchildbaby.
Gee, I didn't even know you had any children. But why are you so upset about Jesus?
He's dead.
Oh. How did it happen?
He was executed. He was on Death Row and then he was executed.
How did they execute him?
Poison gas.
Maybe it's for the bestI mean, if he was guilty of doing something wrongPeople who are bad should be killed. Don't you think so?
Jesus was not bad.
Maybe he was and you just didn't know it.
He wasn't.
But still, you can't be sure.
I am sure.
But really, you never know.
I know!
Why was he on Death Row?
For rape and murder.
Consuelo, what is rape exactly?
It is when you love someone, and they don't love you. And then you do something about it.
Sometimes I feel like my parents don't love me.
Well then, when you get older you can do something about it.
Hey, Scooby! How's it going?
Conan O'Brien? Whoa! What are you doing here?
I'm looking for a lastminute guest for my show. Any suggestions?
I'll be your guest!
Really? Well, all right! Let's take a look at the television and see how we look.
Welcome to the show, Scooby.
Thank you.
Nice to have you here.
Great to be here.
And thank you for dressing up for us. This is very classy. Tell us. What kind of professional plans do you have? What's in your future?
Well, I was thinking...I might work for you.
Ahh...tell me. What do you want to do for me? What's your idea?
Be your sidekick, you know, and maybe eventually become a TV talk show host.
TV talkshow host, OK. You were at sidekick eight seconds ago, then TV talkshow host. You'll be a Latin dictator in a bout a minute.
Marty, ignore him.
He's vegetarian, doesn't do sports...
Well, technically your Zeda is a survivor.
He was in a concentration camp?
Well, no. But he had to escape the Nazis.
But I thought he came over to America before the war.
Well, he did. With his family. But his cousins, they had to stay and they were all killed. And if he'd stayed, he would have been killed. So in my book he's a survivor.
Even though it was only his cousins that were killed?
But that could've happened to him. Or to me, if I'd been alive. Or you.
Hey.
Hey. What's up?
There's something I need to talk about with you.
What?
There are some rumors...
Like what?
You know...Stanley...
Oh.
And like, don't take this the wrong way...I mean, I'm cool...but...you know...I've got a good reputation at school and, well...I really don't want it ruined.
No prob. I'm cool.
Thanks, Scoob.
I don't know what's wrong with that kid.
Maybe he's gay.
Don't ever say that.
What if he is?
He isn't.
Out! Leave the table!
What?
You heard me: leave the table!