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Well, I need to see this with an audience! |
What's an audience going to tell you? |
I don't know. Maybe they'll like it. |
Consuelo? |
Yes, Mikey? |
Do you have any brothers or sisters? |
Yes. |
Really? How many? |
Four brothers and five sisters. |
Wow. Why did your parents have so many children? I mean, if they were poor, wouldn't it be better to have just one or two? |
It was God's will. |
But do you really believe in God? And heaven, hell and angels and all kind of stuff? |
No. |
When I'm in high school I'm not going to play any football. I'm just going to concentrate on class rank. What did you do in high school? |
I did not go to high school. |
Weren't there high schools in El Salvador? |
We had to work. My family was poor. |
Must've been hard being poor. |
I'm still poor. |
Hmmm. But, Consuelo, even though your poor, don't you have any hobbies or interests or anything? |
No, Mikey. |
But like, what do you like to do when you're not working? |
I'm always working. |
But when you're not. Like now. What do you like to do? |
This is work. |
But it's not like real work. This is just babysitting. |
Consuelo. Are you crying? |
No. |
Yes, you are. I can tell. What's the matter? |
Mi Jesusmi jesus |
Speak English. |
Mi Jesus esta muerto! |
Consuelo, I'm sorry, but you know if you don't speak English I can't understand you. |
My Jesus |
Who is Jesus? |
My baby. |
You have a bay? |
My grandchildbaby. |
Gee, I didn't even know you had any children. But why are you so upset about Jesus? |
He's dead. |
Oh. How did it happen? |
He was executed. He was on Death Row and then he was executed. |
How did they execute him? |
Poison gas. |
Maybe it's for the bestI mean, if he was guilty of doing something wrongPeople who are bad should be killed. Don't you think so? |
Jesus was not bad. |
Maybe he was and you just didn't know it. |
He wasn't. |
But still, you can't be sure. |
I am sure. |
But really, you never know. |
I know! |
Why was he on Death Row? |
For rape and murder. |
Consuelo, what is rape exactly? |
It is when you love someone, and they don't love you. And then you do something about it. |
Sometimes I feel like my parents don't love me. |
Well then, when you get older you can do something about it. |
Hey, Scooby! How's it going? |
Conan O'Brien? Whoa! What are you doing here? |
I'm looking for a lastminute guest for my show. Any suggestions? |
I'll be your guest! |
Really? Well, all right! Let's take a look at the television and see how we look. |
Welcome to the show, Scooby. |
Thank you. |
Nice to have you here. |
Great to be here. |
And thank you for dressing up for us. This is very classy. Tell us. What kind of professional plans do you have? What's in your future? |
Well, I was thinking...I might work for you. |
Ahh...tell me. What do you want to do for me? What's your idea? |
Be your sidekick, you know, and maybe eventually become a TV talk show host. |
TV talkshow host, OK. You were at sidekick eight seconds ago, then TV talkshow host. You'll be a Latin dictator in a bout a minute. |
Marty, ignore him. |
He's vegetarian, doesn't do sports... |
Well, technically your Zeda is a survivor. |
He was in a concentration camp? |
Well, no. But he had to escape the Nazis. |
But I thought he came over to America before the war. |
Well, he did. With his family. But his cousins, they had to stay and they were all killed. And if he'd stayed, he would have been killed. So in my book he's a survivor. |
Even though it was only his cousins that were killed? |
But that could've happened to him. Or to me, if I'd been alive. Or you. |
Hey. |
Hey. What's up? |
There's something I need to talk about with you. |
What? |
There are some rumors... |
Like what? |
You know...Stanley... |
Oh. |
And like, don't take this the wrong way...I mean, I'm cool...but...you know...I've got a good reputation at school and, well...I really don't want it ruined. |
No prob. I'm cool. |
Thanks, Scoob. |
I don't know what's wrong with that kid. |
Maybe he's gay. |
Don't ever say that. |
What if he is? |
He isn't. |
Out! Leave the table! |
What? |
You heard me: leave the table! |
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