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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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Don't tell me, John.
Cool!
Theo. Howzitgoin.
Hey man, welcome to our parking lot. Lemme give you some advice, if she asks you to dance, make sure her brother's not around. Somebody blew out Junior's pilot light, if you get my meaning.
How's that?
I was doing the lambada with her and the guy freaks, he breaks my arm, tries to kill me. I swear man, the guy thought I was a piata. If nobody else hadn't a been there, he wouldn't have stopped. He woulda killed me. Fuckin' guy man, just snapped. How do you like your burger?
Uh...over easy.
I'll tell you one thing, you won't see me around that alley with that freak on the loose. Stay away from his ass and don't play any of his fuckin' knockknock jokes.
Hello?
Hello, mom?
Theodore? Where are you? Are you alright?
I found dad.
He's dead, isn't he. Buzz Fazeli might just as well have died before you were born.
Mom, you know I had to do it. I just did it a little too late.
You sure you're OK Teddy? You're not bowling are you?
I gotta go. Love ya mom.
Oh sure. Let everyone in. From now on I leave the door wide open. Let the parade begin!
Clam it!
He's the guy Buzz.
He's not the guy, Millie. Just whip the whips.
I looked in his car. He's got pictures of you, clippings, maps.
Bowlers don't go around killing other bowlers. He's only a fan, Millie. I'll give him some tips and an autograph and he's outta here.
You're in trouble, aren't you Buzz? You're doing something dangerous in that alley.
Millie, I know what I'm doing.
We should leave this town. I can't take this anymore. I'm not gonna let him kill you in my house.
Son?
Millie, please. I don't have a son. I think you better leave now young man. Buzz gestures towards the front door.
My poor baby!
You see what you did? Take your ball and get out.
Buzz Fazeli.
Theo.
I know your face, you're an upandcomer. You bowl on the tour.
I'm not on the tour this year.
Need some advice, huh.
Well, Mr. Fazeli, the Bowling Congress says I'm a thorn in their side.
Don't worry about the Congress, they're just a bunch of moralistic busybodies.
I got suspended when I was young, too. I was pretty cocky in my day.
They suspended me for 100 years.
100 years!
I can appeal in five. I was hoping you could help me Mr. Fazeli.
What do you think I can do?
I need a sponsor to get my sanction card back. Where I come from, you're the king.
Sure, around here, any fat old bald guy could be king. I'm nothing. It wouldn't do any good for me to talk to the Congress. Hey, you thirsty? You like orange whips?
I've never had orange whips, I'm from Akron.
Remember the finals in Akron in '59? You had a seventen split in the final frame.
Yeah, against that prick VanDeMark.
Ten thousand to one, but you pegged it. The toughest shot on the last frame.
That game was before you was born.
My mom was there. She told me about it. The 'Fazeli Split.'
Orange whip, nectar of the bowling gods. Thanks sweetie. Millie turns the tray so that Buzz takes the untainted whip. Theo takes the other glass.
Thanks.
Where'd you get this ball?
It's mine.
Who gave it to you?
Grace Skinner.
Grace Skinner. Who's Grace Skinner to you?
She's my mom.
Who are you? Who sent you here?
I'm your son. You're a hard father to find.
I don't know no Grace Skinner.
You knew her. You married her in 1963.
You're a bullshit artist, that's what you are. You got no right to be here! Theo yanks the trophy away from Buzz.
I got a right. You're my father.
I ain't nobody's father!
Millie left to stay with her sister in Ronkonkoma.
You know what a mixer ball is? It's like you, you come out of nowhere and upset things, scattering everything all over. Buzz grumpily waves at him to sit.
What are you doing over at the lanes that's so dangerous, Buzz?
You shouldn't listen to her, she's a nervous old Nellie.
She thinks someone's trying to kill you.
I couldn't pay someone enough to try to kill me. Sheila comes over to take their orders.
Theo.
Theo! This is Sheila Kastle, my partner's daughter.
Watch out for that one. She's got a great average, but she's looking for a prince. And, believe me, she's
kissed a lotta tadpoles. Listen, I been thinking about your problem. I'm not the guy to sponsor you. It would be unethical. But, there is something I could do for you. Puttputt golf.
Puttputt golf?
It's the next level, the next dimension... ...the small ball.
The small ball.
It's gonna be bigger than big. Think Europe. Think Asia. They don't have room for real golf courses in Japan.
Not for me. Miniature golf's for pansies.
If the Japanese are pansies, then pansies are my kind of people. Sheila steps over to the booth with their food. The Buzz Burger has three holes cut in the middle to make it look like a bowling ball. Buzz sees the two sleazeballs park their car and walk towards the diner.
Maybe I could bowl in Japan.
What the fuck is this?
What's it look like to you?
It looks like dwarf bowling.
I do what I gotta do to survive.
You have no right to call yourself a bowler. Buzz slaps Theo in the face.
I'm more of a bowler than you'll ever be. I deal with my own shit. I ain't asking anyone to bail me out.
I'm your blood.
You wish!
What makes you so sure it was me? She coulda had lotsa bowlers! Theo rushes Buzz and grabs his arm. The two men struggle for the pin.
Don't say that about my mom!
I had a career. She wanted a little bowler of her own. Sid and Breeze leap into the fray, prying the two men apart. They wrestle Theo against a wall, pressing his face into the tiles.
Fuck you and fuck bowling.
That's a laugh. You're all strung out. You're a bowling junkie.
I don't need the stinking protour.
You're dead without the protour, and you know it. Get him away from me. Sid and Breeze punch Theo in the face.
Theo, I want you to get out of this town.
I'm getting to like it here.
Did that porcupine say he'd get you back on the tour?
I gotta survive.