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Yeah, me too. That was nice of that woman to give you them flowers.
Hit was right thoughty of her.
I was wantin' to ask you somethin'.
All right then.
You know that girl I told you about. The one I love.
Yeah, I recollect it.
Would you go see her with me? I kind of thought I might take her some flowers like that woman done you.
If you want me to.
I ain't got no money to get 'em with but I bet Vaughan will let me have some of them flowers at the store.
I bet he will. I got a little money if he don't. I'll get 'em for ye.
I usually get run off by her mama or daddy if they're home. Reckon why they don't like me?
They ort to. You're a good boy.
Just 'cause I'm not rich don't mean I don't love her.
Naw.
And I don't try to touch her. You know, in a bad way. Foolin' around, sex and all.
That's real good. You ort not to if ye ain't married to somebody. Bible tells you that much. Hit tells some things that don't seem right too, I reckon. I guess a feller ort to foller it close as he can, though. You don't touch yourself, do you?
What do you mean?
Pull on your works. Your privates.
Oh, jackin' off?
Yes sir. You ort not know that language.
I didn't know till here while back a year or two ago when I spent the night with Ronnie Smart one time. He said just tug on your peter and think about your mama. I tried it, but I felt funny thinkin' about my mama. So, I switched over to thinkin' about his mama and then what he told me would happen, happened. It sure tingles, don't it?
You ort not to pull on yourself that away.
I kind of like you tellin' me what to do and not to do. Just like my daddy. I didn't mind him tellin' me. I hate Doyle to tell me what to do. Mama said the only way to ever get away from him is for him to get away from us. That we can't leave him or he'll try and hurt her.
He ain't no count.
You don't seem like a daddy. You seem like a brother. Wonder what makes you like somebody right off when you don't even know 'em like what happened with me and you.
I don't reckon I know.
And then some people you don't like right off. It's funny. You know why I want you to play ball with me?
Naw.
'Cause it's fun. It don't matter if you ain't no good. It takes your mind off of everything else while you're doin' it. When you run real fast tryin' to make a touchdown you don't think about anything else. I ain't no good, but my daddy always said he was proud of me when I threw a ball or ran with it. Did you have any brothers and sisters growin' up to play with?
I had one there for little bit. Hit didn't get old enough to play with.
Why not? It died?
Yeah.
Why?
Hit was borned a little too early on. My mother and father made hit come too early some way or other. I reckon they changed their mind about havin' another'n. I was about six or eight year old then and they didn't care too much for me so I reckon they didn't need somethin' else to worry 'em with.
So it died when it come out?
My daddy come to the shed out back and got me and said throw this here away and handed me a towel with somethin' in it. I went for the trash barrel there and opened up the towel to see 'cause they was a noise and somethin' movin' in it. Hit was bloodylike around that towel. Hit was a little ol' bitty baby, no bigger than a squirrel.
It was alive?
Yes sir. Right then it was.
A boy or girl?
A little ol' boy.
You threw it in a trash barrel?
I didn't feel right about doin' that. I takened a shoe box from there in the shed and emptied out some screwdrivers and nuts and warshers from it and put the little feller in that and buried him in the corner of the yard there. That seemed more proper to me, I reckon.
It was still alive when you buried it?
I heared it cryin' a little through that box.
That don't seem right. It seems like you should have kept him alive and took care of him if he was your brother.
I wadn't but six or eight. I reckon I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to care for no baby. Mama and Daddy didn't want him. They learned me to do what they told me to. These days I figure it might of been best to give him right back to the Good Lord right off the bat anyhow.
That makes me feel real sad. Couldn't you have done somethin', Karl? I would have. I wish I would of had him. He'd be here right now. Livin'.
Hits been hard thinkin' about it. They ain't a day goes by I don't think about it. I kindly have a picture of it up in my head that I see. Hit makes me sad, too. I have bad thoughts on it. I wished they was somethin' I could of did, too. Shouldn't no bad things happen to childern. All the ol' bad things ort to be saved up for folks that's growed up, the way I see it. I shouldn't of told you about that. A boy ort not hear about such things. It just kindly come out.
I didn't mean to say anything bad about you. I know you're good. You didn't mean no harm. Did you ever think about killin' yourself on purpose like my daddy did?
I've studied about it. The Bible says not to or you end up goin' to Hades. Some folks calls it Hell, I call it Hades.
Bible says the same thing about killin' others, too.
Yes sir, I reckon it does.
She said she'd see me later. That's kinda good, right?
I reckon.
What you readin'?
Readin' on this book on how to work carpentry. I aim to learn how to build things out of wood one of these times. I've always been partial to wood buildin's and cabinets and whatnot. These drawin's they got here don't make no sense to me so far. You seem like yore tails a'draggin' a might. You got somethin' wrong with ye?
Seems like Doyle's wormed his way back in. Mama said he's stayin' over tonight and he's talkin' about movin' in for good. We ain't ever gonna be happy. We'll always be nervous, won't we Karl?
I don't reckon I know. I ain't found no way yet and I'm three or four times as old as you. Might be that's just the way folks is.
I feel sad about Karen Cross, too. I just make like to myself she loves me. I know better, though. It just feels good to me when I imagine it.
Make believin' always made me feel good too from time to time.
Bill Cox is goin' to a funeral for a Mister Turner tomorrow and a closin' up shop early.
Is that right?
I'll play ball with ye. I reckon if neither one of us is no count it won't make no difference.
You will? For sure?
Yeah.
We'll be on teams, me and you?
Yessir.
Way to go, Karl. We got a touchdown. That was a good lateral, man. That was just like the Wishbone.
I dern near had me a touchdown till them boys got ahold of me there so I figured I better give it off to you. I seen you over there follerin' me.
We're liable to win if we keep this up. For somebody like you, you sure run fast.
I know you could of scored them three touchdowns by yourself instead of throwing 'em over to me.
Them boys was tryin' to pull me down pretty hard.
You're strong though. You let me make them touchdowns so I'd feel good. My daddy used to do that kind of thing.
It don't matter to me about us losin' does it to you?
No sir.
It was fun, anyhow.
I wadn't thinkin' about nothin' else just like you told me I'd do.
Can we play ever' Saturday?
If I ain't too stove up. I ain't like you. I'm old and give out. I'm proud of ye.
Yeah, I guess.
Yes ma'am. I like a fried chicken leg.
Hey, Karl. How'd you know to come out here?
I knowed you'd be here. What are you adoin' digging with that stob?
Just diggin'. I ain't ever gonna be happy now. Not with that son of a bitch movin' in for good. I wish me and you and Mama could just run away. But she said he would find us wherever we went. He's crazy. Sometimes I think it would of been better if I wadn't ever born.
I'm glad of it you was borned. I reckon I ain't gonna be there in the garage no more.
You have to Karl. You have to look out for me. You don't let that son of a bitch run you off.
You're just a boy. You ort not to use that sort of language.
Karl, I ain't tryin' to say nothin' bad about you, but why don't you stop Doyle when he gets that away? You're older than him. You're strong, too. My daddy wouldn't let him do that to me and Mama.
That feller's a whole sight meaner than me. He'd just whup the tar out of me.
Yeah, I guess so. I'm real tired, you know that. A kid my age shouldn't be tired of things.
I'm tired, too, Frank. If I ain't around no more, it don't mean I don't care fer ye. I care for ye a good deal. I care for you more than anybody they is. We made friends right off the bat.
I care for you, too. But you'll be around, don't say that.
Hit don't make no difference where I was to be. We'll always be friends. There ain't no way to stop that. I aim for you to have these books.
Maybe you can make more sense out of them than I can. I made you a little old book marker and stuck it in that book on Christmas.
You don't want to give away all your books.
I aim fer you to have 'em.
Man. Thanks. You know when you get a feelin' and you don't know why?
Yes sir.
I've got a feelin' today.
Reckon what kind of a feelin'?