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Unfortunately, this month's Psychics Club meeting is cancelled... ... due to unforeseen circumstances.
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I was trying to think of a Legend of Zelda pun. But I don't want to tri and force it
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OH: If you ever want to call a family meeting, just turn off the WiFi router and wait in the room where it's located.
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if she eats pizza with a fork, she isn't going to like being bent over the dining room table .
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Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
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whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? i've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my chest
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q : how is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day? a : they are both up to something .
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I've just bought a transparent megaphone. Now everyone can hear me loud and clear
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a man was found dead eight years after committing suicide sort of proves his point, doesn't it ?
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Why are electricians the best journalists? They are always working on current events.
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Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy. But, I've always been more of a people person.
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Dark humor is like fortnite players... They never get old.
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What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job? "My career is in Jeopardy!"
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What happened to the Oklahoma Territories? I don't know but they're OK now.
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When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day
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Someone told me the first person you look at after something funny happens is the person you like the most. Good thing I always keep a mirror with me
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What was the worst thing about the aftermath of the holocaust? Survivors
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you know what people said about paul daniels funeral. you know what people said about paul daniels funeral "i liked it but not a lot"
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Which trees have the most friends? The poplar ones.
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i know a girl named penny but because of inflation, she is going to change her name to nickel soon .
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Why was the bald king so sad? Because he had no heir.
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What do you call a promiscuous woman who travels a lot? Abroad.
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What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented? There's been a ground breaking discovery...
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Whats an orphans favorite toy A boomerang, unlike the parents the boomerang comes back
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Did you heard about the cardiac arrest victim? He was shocked when he survived
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How do you get back at an egoist? With another egoist. An I for an I.
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I once saw a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words
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Isaac Newton died a virgin, which means I have triumphed over one of history's most brilliant scientific thinkers... because I'm not dead.
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Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet? Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !
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two antennas met on a roof , fell in love and got married. the ceremony wasn't much , but the reception was excellent
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how do you get a pool player off your porch? pay him for the pizza .
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what's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? a refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it .
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A childs body is like a temple Only the priest enters the inner sanctum
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why did beethoven never answer the doorbell? they weren't invented yet .
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Why is Daniel Radcliffe celebrated and worshiped in Judaism? Because he's the only one who escaped the chamber.
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Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.
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What do you call the Momo Challenge? Natural Selection
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How to ruin a joke: By reposting it several times in less than an hour
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How do trees browse the internet? They log in.
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The shooting ranges might be closed But the schools are not
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When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight? When they had lots of sleepless knights !
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What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland? Paddy O' Furniture
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Rick Astley is willing to let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, with one exception. He's never gonna give you Up
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" size does matter ", i whisper to my double stuffed oreos .
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I was asked what I would give the man who has everything. Well, my phone number for a start
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I think the Territory Ahead catalog should come out with a line of underwear. They could call it "Territory Behind."
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what do you call a play about a dictionary? a pun !
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facebook is down, so don't say prayer doesn't work .
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What sort of undergarments does a succinct pugilist wear? Boxer briefs!
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Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: only the inner light matters.
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INXS was a really good band. It's a shame they hung it up
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I like my coffee like I like my women: Strong, black, and preferably free trade
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i'm a vegetarian . subway gave me a chicken club . oops, wrong sub .
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Whats the difference between a girl and a light switch The average redditer can turn on a light switch but not a girl
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what does a dog do , that a man steps into. pants
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Every star sign has a unique hairstyle Except cancer
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who's the most popular guy on a nude beach? the one who shows up with a dozen donuts and two cups of coffee .
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Did you hear about the new Drake Beats Headphones? The softest headphones out there.
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Man who eat jeellybeans. Farts in technicolor
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Why did the dog say "meow"? he was bilingual
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i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed
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I slipped and fell on black ice I thought it was regular ice but when I got up my wallet was gone
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What did Sherrock Holmes say to his partner? Sedimentary my dear Watson!
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What does a negatively charged particle do when it gets excited? It gets an erectron.
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this is ur captain. sory for descending thru another cloud but ralph told me it was posible to land on one of these things so we keep trying
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Did you hear about the geometry teacher who left his parrot's cage open? Polygon.
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Are you afraid of quantum mechanics? Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman.
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Hey, college students: It gets debtor.
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What did Godzilla say after he devoured Hawaii? I WANT SAMOA!!
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Here's the punchline to that riddle joke. They leave a ring around Connecticut,
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what is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune? start out with a large fortune .
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is it true animals can sense danger? the cat's been wearing a helmet all week , and it makes me nervous .
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First thing this morning there was a tap on my door... My plumber has a funny sense of humor.
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I would like to Mike Hawk and Hugh Jass together It would be nice to know they're spending time with each other
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There's a new all girls music group that writes songs about the internet. It's called Broadband
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girl on my bus has a therapy dog with a marked vest and i was like , " what kind of therapy is he in? " because of course i said that
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why didn't the shrimp share his treasure? he was a little shellfish .
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Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach.
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why doesn't santa have to pay for parking? because it's on the house .
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chuck norris did in fact, build rome in a day .
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What's the difference between a man and a monkey? The Mediterranenan Sea.
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Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses? Because he Ramparts the red sea each month
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what did the mathematician do when he was constipated? he worked it out with a pencil
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How do you know whether you have consent? Measure the length of the pause between the words "don't" and "stop".
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you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? he stayed up all night wondering whether or not there was a dog .
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when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using apple maps .
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Roses are red, sun is shining My will to live is rapidly declining.
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what do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? art .
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Why doesn't Ed got a girlfriend? Because Sheeran away.
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how do you make a blonde's eyes light up? shine a flashlight in their ear .
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I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
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did you hear about the movie constipation? it hasn't come out yet .
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What the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? Only took one nail to hang the picture.
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what does the sign of an out of business brothel say? beat it . we're closed .
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What's a dancer's favorite type of water? Tap water
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If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Then you're aiming too high
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maybe i'm not stalking you, maybe i just like your schedule
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What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair? The crippled mermaid!
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How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker? She goes to the bathroom.
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elevator shoes q : what's yellow and goes up and down? a : a banana in an elevator .
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