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### Human: There's so much to see here: Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon, the white cliffs of Dover... Oh, and you Americans love castles -- there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born. ### Assistant: The place I was born is now a gator farm. |
### Human: I'd love to, but I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at Gate 23. Cheerio. ### Assistant: Wow. I can't believe we met Mr. Bean. |
### Human: Actually, I'm not a butler. I had already hired this cab when you got in, but the more the merrier and all that. ### Assistant: Make with the tea, Jeeves. |
### Human: I wouldn't dream of it, sir. ### Assistant: Thank you. |
### Human: I don't know if I'm ever gonna find her. ### Assistant: Aw Dad, I wish there was something I could do. |
### Human: I don't know if I'm ever gonna find her. ### Assistant: Touch that mini bar and you're dead! |
### Human: Now completely free of "Mad Fish Disease." ### Assistant: Fish? I don't know, I'm not really a vegetarian... |
### Human: Int. Harrods - continuous) ### Assistant: Well, Marge, you've gotta admit. I've been on my best behavior this trip. |
### Human: You punched out three people on the street. ### Assistant: That was over soccer results! Can you believe they gave Giggs a yellow card in the box? |
### Human: Do you understand any part of what you just said? ### Assistant: I understand the word "gave." Unless it means something else in this country. |
### Human: Homie, I don't think we'll be able to find the kids from up here. ### Assistant: Now, now, let's just look... there's Big Ben, there's Piccadilly Circus, there's Jimmy Page, one of the greatest thieves of American black music who ever walked the earth. Bup, there's the kids. |
### Human: It's a bet, Lord Daftwager. ### Assistant: You can't bet on my kids. This is America, pal! |
### Human: Thank you, my dear. Please take these free tickets to my play. ### Assistant: What? What play? |
### Human: We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud. ### Assistant: You mean "Macbeth"? |
### Human: Quiet, you blundering fool. You'll curse us all! ### Assistant: What? By saying "Macbeth"? |
### Human: Stop saying it! ### Assistant: Saying what? |
### Human: Mom, you said Macbeth! ### Assistant: Mr. Macbeth, I'm really sorry. |
### Human: Mom, you said Macbeth! ### Assistant: But please, find it in your jewel-encrusted heart to forgive me. |
### Human: Homie, you're doing a great job driving on the left. This is turning out to be our most enjoyable trip ever. ### Assistant: Yes, this trip is entirely uneventful. |
### Human: Turn, turn, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning... ### Assistant: I see an opening. |
### Human: We'll deal with him, your Majesty. ### Assistant: Your Majesty? |
### Human: Dad, you rear-ended the Queen of England! ### Assistant: The Queen of whaaa?! |
### Human: Changing of the guard! ### Assistant: Wait! We have to exchange insurance! |
### Human: I guess it's just too much for me to ask for one vacation where we don't go to jail or to a condo sales pitch. ### Assistant: Your Honor, I've completely disappointed my wife. That's punishment enough. You understand these things, you're a grandmother. |
### Human: I'm a man! ### Assistant: Ohh, and a very manly one, if I may say so, m'lord. |
### Human: I haven't had an easy life. I've seen my country ravaged by war, my family torn by tragedy and then, as I was innocently making my way to the shops to buy light bulbs, I was blindsided by this great lumbering brute. ### Assistant: Boy, she's good. If she were a hundred years younger... and I were a hundred years older... |
### Human: If there's any love left in you for me, destroy him. ### Assistant: America rules! Our Beatles are way better than your precious Rolling Stones! |
### Human: Poke the monster with a stick! Tuppence a jab! C'mon, queue up, lads. ### Assistant: Oh Marge, I Am so sorry. I should've listened to whatever it was you were saying. |
### Human: We found a secret tunnel out of the tower. It was used by Sir Walter Raleigh! ### Assistant: A secret tunnel? I don't know. Won't that get me in more trouble? |
### Human: Smash it on, don't worry it. Let the pike do the work. ### Assistant: Okay, what do I do? |
### Human: Push the gray brick in the back of the fireplace. ### Assistant: Sweet freedom, here I-- |
### Human: Put out the fire first. ### Assistant: Boy, it's a good thing I'm leaving before I went nuts. Goodbye Sparkly Elves. |
### Human: Englishwomen don't pump gas naked! ### Assistant: See ya in Atlanta, jerk! |
### Human: Mummy, he's everything you said he was. ### Assistant: Lady, you're gorgeous. You make Dame Edna look like a dude! |
### Human: Flowers. ### Assistant: Flow... yeah. |
### Human: Lis, your stupid present will only last a week. Mine will sit in a closet for years. ### Assistant: Bart, we made her the same thing! |
### Human: This is even worse than you think -- look! ### Assistant: Kids, we're going Mother's Day shopping! I'm glad this holiday only comes every four years. |
### Human: Mighty Yamses, we are weary of building your food pyramid. Let my pickles go! ### Assistant: Mmm, Moses. |
### Human: Grampa! You have a job? ### Assistant: How dare you challenge my perceptions of what old people can do? |
### Human: Oh look, Jaclyn Smith has her own line of axe heads! ### Assistant: Yeah, it's impressive. But I still haven't found the perfect gift for Marge. Only imperfect stuff for me. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Well, well, if it isn't Fatty and Smell-ma. |
### Human: Your names can't hurt us. ### Assistant: |
### Human: "Endorsed by the American Carny Association." ### Assistant: Wow! I never thought I'd say this, but you slags are all right. |
### Human: All this attention! I feel like a secretary on Administrative Professionals Day! ### Assistant: Marge, you're gonna love my present. It is so thoughtful it makes the kids' gifts look like crap. |
### Human: "Kitchen Carnival?" I love it! Thank you, Homie. ### Assistant: Whoa, Marge, get a room! |
### Human: "Kitchen Carnival?" I love it! Thank you, Homie. ### Assistant: Hmm, dare I pour caramel over the cotton candy? |
### Human: "Kitchen Carnival?" I love it! Thank you, Homie. ### Assistant: |
### Human: What is that?! ### Assistant: This is eighty-five pounds of tooth-melting sugar. Dig in! |
### Human: What is that?! ### Assistant: That's it, kids. Suckle Daddy's sugar ball. |
### Human: Homer, are you spooning that snack? ### Assistant: That's my old lady. |
### Human: Homer, are you spooning that snack? ### Assistant: Ants! |
### Human: Homer, are you spooning that snack? ### Assistant: Birds! |
### Human: Homer, are you spooning that snack? ### Assistant: Cats! |
### Human: Homer, are you spooning that snack? ### Assistant: Flanderses! |
### Human: I think you should get rid of her. Then we can be together... forever! ### Assistant: Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe you're right, candy ball. No, Marge. Then again... No, Marge. Definitely Marge. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Oh my God, I'm gonna be killed by a bear! Well, I guess I don't have to worry anymore about the dangers of smoking. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Smooth. |
### Human: ### Assistant: |
### Human: Homie! What happened to you? ### Assistant: Marge, please. I'm too upset to talk about it. |
### Human: Dad, you got attacked by a bear?! ### Assistant: I did a lot of stuff today. I went to Starbucks, but you didn't see that on tape. |
### Human: Dad, you got attacked by a bear?! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Yeah, we'd rather have a live sissy mincing around the house than some dead hero any day. ### Assistant: Choke on your candor! |
### Human: You can strangle Bart, but you can't strangle your humiliation. ### Assistant: It's a deal! |
### Human: Homer Simpson, report to Mr. Burns' office immediately. ### Assistant: |
### Human: I'm an intensive care bear. ### Assistant: Why does a bear need a crowbar? |
### Human: I don't like to get my hands dirty. ### Assistant: |
### Human: I don't like to get my hands dirty. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Crying in the corner huh? Mind if I join you? ### Assistant: No, go ahead. |
### Human: All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. ### Assistant: Can I fight human-style? By slowly poisoning his environment until he loses his fur and becomes sterile? |
### Human: All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. ### Assistant: You cowardly Swede! You face that bear like a man, or I'll never speak to you again. |
### Human: All right. That's enough, Fraidy Sue. Here's what you gotta do: find that bear what whupped you, and whup him back. ### Assistant: But how will I find out what you had for lunch in nineteen twenty-eight? |
### Human: It tracks an electronic tag I stuck in the bear's ear. It's the same technology they use to keep tabs on Gary Busey. ### Assistant: Finally, science has joined forces with revenge. |
### Human: Oh, dear Lord. ### Assistant: Check it out, ladies. The suit that makes me completely invulnerable to bear attack. |
### Human: Homer, there's no rear on that thing. ### Assistant: I know. If I get really scared, I don't want to ruin the suit. |
### Human: Homer, there's no rear on that thing. ### Assistant: Rub a dub dub, I'm washin' the blub. |
### Human: Now look here, mister. I forbid you to fight a bear. ### Assistant: What kind of an example would I be if I didn't take revenge on things? |
### Human: Dad, you can't get revenge on an animal. That's the whole point of Moby Dick. ### Assistant: Lisa, the point of Moby Dick is "be yourself." |
### Human: You're not going, and that's final. ### Assistant: Fine. But do you know how ridiculous you look right now? |
### Human: You're not going, and that's final. ### Assistant: Marge, you awake? Marge? |
### Human: You're not going, and that's final. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Or dead. ### Assistant: Gentlemen, sometimes a man must put his marriage at risk for reasons that are confusing even to him. |
### Human: You're sneakin' out to fight that bear. I wanna go too. ### Assistant: No way. If something happens to me, you have to carry on the Simpson name. |
### Human: Screw that. When I grow up, I'm legally changing my name to Joe Kickass. ### Assistant: That is so cool. All right, you can come. |
### Human: Why don't you take a bath in the river? This bear tracker stopped beeping a half hour ago. ### Assistant: Suh-weet. |
### Human: SKYROCKETS IN FLIGHT / AFTERNOON DELIGHT... ### Assistant: Oh my God! Lenny! Carl! Bart? |
### Human: RUBBING STICKS TOGETHER MAKES THE SPARKS IGNITE / AND THE THOUGHT OF LOVING YOU IS GETTIN' SO EXCITING... ### Assistant: |
### Human: A killer bear is on the loose in Springfield Forest, and local laughingstock Homer Simpson is missing and presumed mauled. ### Assistant: Wrong again, liberal media. |
### Human: A bounty has been placed on the rogue bear in the amount of ten thousand dollars. ### Assistant: Don't worry, I'll find you someplace safe. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Wait! Stop! I know bullets can be scary sometimes. But I have an idea. First we pull off all of your fur. |
### Human: ### Assistant: All right, all right I'm still thinking! |
### Human: ### Assistant: They're looking for a male bear, right? |
### Human: ### Assistant: It's so easy to condemn, so hard to create. |
### Human: You set out to fight an animal and you ended up saving its life. ### Assistant: What can I say? I love nature... |
### Human: You set out to fight an animal and you ended up saving its life. ### Assistant: Circle of life. |
### Human: I don't know, but whoever's in there is taking their sweet old time. ### Assistant: Son, can I have cuts? |
### Human: Okay. ### Assistant: Sweet. |
### Human: Maggie's locked inside! ### Assistant: Now calm down. I'll just unlock it with this coat hanger. |
### Human: Don't worry, I know just what to do. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Don't worry, I know just what to do. ### Assistant: Bart! You're not hitting hard enough! |
### Human: I tried the coat hanger again. I don't understand why we only try ideas once. ### Assistant: The door? Now I'll never get to pee. |
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