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### Human: Homer, can we take it easy on the taser? ### Assistant: No problem. |
### Human: Our first bail jumper! ### Assistant: Let's roll. |
### Human: Our first bail jumper! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Our first bail jumper! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Homer, take the taser out of your pants. ### Assistant: No, it looks cool! |
### Human: Whoa! There's still bullets in some of these! ### Assistant: Point them away from your sisters when you hammer them. |
### Human: What'd you get for me? ### Assistant: Something for the sweetest little scientist in the world. A new chemistry set. |
### Human: Dad, is this from a meth lab? ### Assistant: The biggest one in town. |
### Human: This is evidence. ### Assistant: Evidence that I love my little girl. |
### Human: This is evidence. ### Assistant: Marge, I brought you some flowers! A full dozen this time! No tricks! |
### Human: A sterling silver picture frame -- with pictures of our kids in it. ### Assistant: Yes, for now. I guess things are workin' out pretty good at your bakery job. Maybe we could order one of your cakes for Lisa's birthday. |
### Human: How dare you?! ### Assistant: What'd you do that for? |
### Human: Sorry, sorry muscle spasm. ### Assistant: I'm not convinced. |
### Human: Sorry, sorry muscle spasm. ### Assistant: Still on the fence. |
### Human: Sorry, sorry muscle spasm. ### Assistant: Now I believe you. |
### Human: Homer, I don't think we have the same musical tastes. ### Assistant: Well, I like A.C.-D.C. |
### Human: I like their Christian cover band: A.D.-B.C.! KINDLY DEEDS / DONE FOR FREE / KINDLY DEEDS ### Assistant: DONE FOR FREE |
### Human: Hm. I've never seen anyone eat pizza like that. ### Assistant: Oh, you've gotta try it. This way the pepperonis stay intact till they reach your stomach. Then, BAM! |
### Human: Man, that's harder to swallow than evolution. ### Assistant: You've got to roll it from the point. Here, let me show you. |
### Human: Not bad. ### Assistant: Now let it unfurl in your stomach. |
### Human: ### Assistant: There he is! |
### Human: Oh, kitten whiskers! ### Assistant: There's one thing he didn't count on: my reckless indifference to human life! |
### Human: Homer, you can't drive a car onto a subway! You need a special sticker just to bring a bike! Have you no respect for the law? ### Assistant: Hey, it worked, didn't it? Okay smart guy, you're going in the bag. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Oh, wait. I left a sandwich in there. |
### Human: Homer, no! You promised... Everything was supposed to be by the book! ### Assistant: You know what your problem is? You haven't become as bad as the people we chase! |
### Human: This partnership is over! ### Assistant: I'll tell you what's over! This partnership! |
### Human: You know, if you take your foot off the accelerator going downhill, you wouldn't use so much gas. ### Assistant: I can't take another word out of you! |
### Human: Oh no! Those were for Mr. Smithers' commitment ceremony! ### Assistant: Marge, what's going on? |
### Human: Homie, I've got a confession to make: I'm an erotic baker. ### Assistant: |
### Human: I hid it all in the one place you'd never look. ### Assistant: Marge, I can see you withholding sex or withholding cake. But withholding sexy cake? I know we have to move past this, but I don't see how. |
### Human: Homie, what do you say we go to bed? You, me and the cake? ### Assistant: First, why don't you and I and the cake take a shower? |
### Human: You jumped bail, Homer. I gotta bring you in. ### Assistant: What have you done to my family? |
### Human: I figured a good time to pick you up was when they were at Lisa's recital. ### Assistant: And how did you know I wouldn't be there? |
### Human: Lucky guess. ### Assistant: Well, you'll never take me alive! |
### Human: Lucky guess. ### Assistant: Forgot my keys. |
### Human: For the last few weeks. But most of the time I've known you you've treated me like dirt! ### Assistant: You hang onto resentment like a Confederate widow. |
### Human: I forgave you for accidentally killing my wife. ### Assistant: Yeah, but you hold onto the big things! The point is, the more I got to know you, the more I got to like you. |
### Human: I like you too, but you broke the law. So I've got to bring you in. ### Assistant: So, it's gonna be like that, eh? |
### Human: I like you too, but you broke the law. So I've got to bring you in. ### Assistant: I've got you, my friend. |
### Human: Thanks, but... what are you holding on to? ### Assistant: Well, I'm-- |
### Human: Thanks, but... what are you holding on to? ### Assistant: Phew. Now all we have to do is get out before the concrete hardens. |
### Human: Thanks, but... what are you holding on to? ### Assistant: Aw, dammit! |
### Human: Simpson, we're gonna put you away for a long, long time. ### Assistant: Make it life and you've got a deal. |
### Human: Don't feel too bad, Homie. You'll be free tomorrow. And I used all my new baking skills to make a special cake to remind you of me. ### Assistant: Oh, baby. |
### Human: Don't feel too bad, Homie. You'll be free tomorrow. And I used all my new baking skills to make a special cake to remind you of me. ### Assistant: Thanks, Marge. |
### Human: Lady, you are the best Mom ever! ### Assistant: Did he take the bait? |
### Human: Bullies! ### Assistant: Hey, he went into a construction site! |
### Human: What are you two doing in the laundry room? ### Assistant: We're doing laundry. |
### Human: Dad, do laundry. ### Assistant: No problem. |
### Human: Look at Bart go! He must be running away! ### Assistant: Eh, he won't get far. Not on the crappy breakfast I made for him. |
### Human: He's circling the Shelbyville Bird Sanctuary. ### Assistant: Our little boy has lost his mind. Let's get him. |
### Human: Pull over -- Bart's in this field! ### Assistant: Bart! Where are you, boy?! Don't worry, I won't strangle you. |
### Human: Are we ever going to find him? ### Assistant: Absolutely -- that unpleasantness in Ecuador is behind us, my coca leaf addiction is under control , and Bart is finally trapped in that paradise above the clouds. |
### Human: Bart! Where are you, Bart? ### Assistant: Is that him? No, it's just a bush. Clearly the work of Wirakocha, the trickster god. |
### Human: So I can't always be there for Bart. He's got to learn to take care of himself. ### Assistant: The computer says Bart's standing on the computer. All I see is a stupid bird with a tracking chip on its leg! It doesn't add up! |
### Human: Where's Maggie? ### Assistant: Oh, uh, she's uh... |
### Human: Look at me! I'm doin' something! ### Assistant: You better settle down, boy, or I'll drag you into the blind spot of that security camera... |
### Human: Look at me! I'm doin' something! ### Assistant: ...and beat you with one of those big thick women's magazines with all the ads in it! |
### Human: Mr. Homer, why don't you forget your worries with this -- the last lottery ticket on the roll. They say the last one is lucky! Unlike all the others. Lucky! Or not. ### Assistant: Hmmm, you make a good case. I'll take it! |
### Human: Cannonball! ### Assistant: |
### Human: I'll take that last Lottery ticket, Apu. ### Assistant: |
### Human: I won! I won! ### Assistant: |
### Human: That is true. Another ironic "Tale of the Kwik-E-Mart". ### Assistant: You just cost me two hundred thousand dollars! |
### Human: I thought it was fifty. ### Assistant: I was gonna bet it on the dogs! |
### Human: Hmmm, all the groceries seem to have been balled up in anger. ### Assistant: That kid has become a Dennis-level menace! |
### Human: Now Homer, boys will be boys. ### Assistant: Bart cost us fifty thousand dollars. |
### Human: ### Assistant: I'm going to Moe's. |
### Human: Lenny, Lenny he's our guy! / Got the ticket Homer didn't buy! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Oh cheer up, Homer. The drinks are on Lenny. ### Assistant: I don't want your pity booze. I'll pay for it myself. |
### Human: Dang that Bart! Thanks to him, I have to wear my backup dress which makes my arms look fat. ### Assistant: Oh, you look great. |
### Human: Why can't our son just behave? ### Assistant: Well Marge, you did have that one sip of alcohol while you were pregnant... |
### Human: They're not boogers! They're clumps of rubber cement. That I stored in my nose. ### Assistant: Stop it, both of you! Don't make me drive into that tree! You know I will! |
### Human: Thank you for being a friend... ### Assistant: Lenny, it was pretty cool of you to spend your lotto winnings on your pals... |
### Human: Hm, I don't know. I'm pretty attached to my family, and... ### Assistant: Get out here, boy! I wanna punish you before I get drunk and merciful! |
### Human: Maybe I'm just not hungry. ### Assistant: Human garbage can to the rescue! |
### Human: Maybe I'm just not hungry. ### Assistant: So at work today, we got a memo saying everyone's getting new chairs. |
### Human: Father, could you-- ### Assistant: Talk louder? You bet. Naturally, I threw my old chair in the dumpster right away. But then Lenny said "No, that was the new chair. That memo was two months old!" So now I'm sitting on an orange crate. I never felt so-- |
### Human: Please stop spitting food on me! ### Assistant: Huh? |
### Human: Keep your food in your mouth, you semi-literate spew-monkey! ### Assistant: That's it, boy! You're going to bed without supper! |
### Human: Maybe he's going through... certain changes. ### Assistant: If that boy thinks I'm paying to put him through four years of puberty, forget it! Stupid kids... think I'm made of hormones... |
### Human: Homer, it's not a real paper -- it's a rubber chew toy! ### Assistant: For your information, the "Daily Growl" is the only newspaper that's not afraid to say how great this country is! |
### Human: Homer, it's not a real paper -- it's a rubber chew toy! ### Assistant: How's the war going? We're winning, that's great! And our standing abroad? Fantastic! |
### Human: I don't like the look of those air quotes. ### Assistant: ALL AROUND THE SOMETHING WORLD, |
### Human: So now Bart is on his way to Aspen, where they're going to try to kill him! ### Assistant: Thank you, future Bart, for traveling back through time to warn us! |
### Human: There's Bart! ### Assistant: This looks like a job for Captain Crazy! Up, up and away! |
### Human: There's Bart! ### Assistant: Aw come on, gravity. You used to be cool! |
### Human: There's Bart! ### Assistant: Occupied! |
### Human: There's Bart! ### Assistant: |
### Human: ### Assistant: Two hot chocolates, please! |
### Human: Are you guests at the lodge? ### Assistant: No. |
### Human: Your favorite, sir. Hot fudge sundae with gold leaf and diamond flakes. ### Assistant: Take me with you! |
### Human: Your favorite, sir. Hot fudge sundae with gold leaf and diamond flakes. ### Assistant: I'll be anything and everything you want! Don't leave me here with them! |
### Human: I'll tell you where I was -- I was out eating...I think I had Kung Pow...and I ended up on the... ### Assistant: |
### Human: I can't listen to this anymore. ### Assistant: Nobody shuts out my blather! |
### Human: I can't listen to this anymore. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Aw... young love. ### Assistant: Were we ever that stupid? |
### Human: I don't know... ### Assistant: C'mon, all the teens on bikes are doin' it. |
### Human: As the elephant said to the peanut vendor, toss those in my trunk! ### Assistant: Marge! I love this guy! |
### Human: Put 'er there, muddy buddy. ### Assistant: He rhymes! Oh, happy day! |
### Human: Really? Not married? And you were bicycling two abreast? ### Assistant: I wish -- we were bicycling to a lake. |
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