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### Human: Not so fast, pardner. You owe me some money. ### Assistant: Hey, come on! He doesn't have any money. Look at his clothes. |
### Human: At the carnival? Cool! ### Assistant: Hey, that's not fair! I wanna be a carny, too! Can I, mister? Huh? Can I? Please? |
### Human: I don't know... You gonna get drunk and start a lot of trouble? ### Assistant: Sure, anything you want. |
### Human: Hey, you lost your money fair and square. I didn't scam nobody. ### Assistant: Oh-ho, put down your stick. We're here to work. |
### Human: Aw, now don't worry. That's just to scare off thieves. ### Assistant: Hmm... |
### Human: Aw, now don't worry. That's just to scare off thieves. ### Assistant: Yeah, he's telling the truth. |
### Human: Aw, now don't worry. That's just to scare off thieves. ### Assistant: Thanks for the food, Mister... |
### Human: Ah, there you are. You two ready to work? ### Assistant: Yes, sir! |
### Human: So what's our first job, huh? Test the roller coaster? ### Assistant: Fry up some cheese? |
### Human: Ohh, this isn't fun... Maybe if you didn't go to the bathroom so much, you wouldn't be so small. ### Assistant: Please, folks. Hold your fire. The water level is dangerously low. Oh! |
### Human: Ohh, this isn't fun... Maybe if you didn't go to the bathroom so much, you wouldn't be so small. ### Assistant: Oh-ho-ho-ho! Ow! My leg! |
### Human: Go on, give it a try. And remember, big smiles. ### Assistant: Oh. Bart? |
### Human: Yeah, Dad? ### Assistant: Do I like chicken? |
### Human: Does it matter? ### Assistant: I guess not. |
### Human: Dad, we're saved! ### Assistant: Buddy, you're the luckiest chicken in the world. |
### Human: Ya see, the trick here is, the rings won't fit over the good prizes. ### Assistant: Oh, we'll see about that. Gimme ten rings. |
### Human: Well, we gotta git. Here's the money box. Uh, any questions? ### Assistant: Ah, yes. How do we handle refunds? |
### Human: Good move. ### Assistant: Gimme ten rings. |
### Human: Lookie, lookie, hey, hey, wocka, wocka! I got rings and you want 'em! Win a genuine Ronex watch. Just like a real moogie star! ### Assistant: Hey, there's a sucker. |
### Human: We're natural born carnies, Dad. If only we weren't tied down with a family... ### Assistant: Yeah, we could start our own game, where people throw ducks at balloons, and nothing's the way it seems. |
### Human: But I got a few complaints that your game is crooked. ### Assistant: And how... |
### Human: Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, ah, "understanding" here... ### Assistant: I understand. |
### Human: Um, hey, Dad, I, I think he wants a... ### Assistant: Not right now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman. |
### Human: Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend "Bill." Have you seen any "Bills" around here? ### Assistant: No. He's Bart. |
### Human: Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak. Okay? ### Assistant: Okay. |
### Human: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. "Bribe," wink, wink. ### Assistant: It's a ring toss game. |
### Human: All right, that's it. I'm shutting this game down. ### Assistant: Well, ain't that somethin'. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Look at 'em, Bart. If a carny can wind up homeless, it can happen to anyone. |
### Human: I'm goin' for a corn dog. You want one? ### Assistant: Yes, but first there's a little matter of the Carny Code. |
### Human: I'm goin' for a corn dog. You want one? ### Assistant: Cooder, Spud. Get off that hog. You're coming to stay at our house. |
### Human: How long are those roustabouts going to be staying here? ### Assistant: Oh, it won't be long. Once their resume gets out, they'll have all kinds of offers. The older one can pull out his left eye. |
### Human: Ooo, what a nice surprise! This is so generous of you, Cooder. ### Assistant: Now who's the filthy sleezebag, uh Marge? |
### Human: What's going on? ### Assistant: Cooder! What have you done to our house? |
### Human: They're squatting in our house? ### Assistant: You can't do this to me. What about the Carny Code? |
### Human: Well, well, look who's here. Mr. No Bribe. Sure, we'll help ya. Just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-give-a-damn. ### Assistant: Thank you so much. |
### Human: Well, well, look who's here. Mr. No Bribe. Sure, we'll help ya. Just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-give-a-damn. ### Assistant: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective. |
### Human: That Urkle's a hoot. ### Assistant: Listen to 'em, watching my television, sittin' on my couch... You better not be in my ass-groove! |
### Human: Homer! ### Assistant: It took me years to forge that groove. |
### Human: Homer!! ### Assistant: Stupid Gravity. |
### Human: No fires! ### Assistant: I've got it! |
### Human: No fires. ### Assistant: |
### Human: There must be a way to outsmart them. ### Assistant: Aw, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folk in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games. That's it! Fire! Or... |
### Human: Yeah, I'm listenin'. ### Assistant: One game of ring toss. If I can throw this Hula Hoop onto the chimney, you'll give us our house back. If I miss, I'll sign the deed over to you. |
### Human: So we'd own the house legit? ### Assistant: That's right. |
### Human: Oh, I can't watch. ### Assistant: Now! |
### Human: Way to go, Dad. You actually outwitted someone. ### Assistant: Yeah, I guess your old man is smarter than you thought. |
### Human: Way to go, Dad. You actually outwitted someone. ### Assistant: Look at 'em standing out there. No place to go. Heh, heh. Poor guys. Hey, what if we let 'em stay here for just a few days? |
### Human: Homer... ### Assistant: My groove! |
### Human: Homer... ### Assistant: They mushed it all out of shape. |
### Human: Homer... ### Assistant: All right, better put on a pot of coffee, Marge. This could take a while. |
### Human: Homer... ### Assistant: Come on now, just a little more. Little more to the left... to the left there. What did he do this thing? Almost... Ahhhhhhhhh |
### Human: Thanks for lettin' me skip school to see the team come back from the championship, Dad. ### Assistant: I always say, a boy can learn more at an airport than he can at any school. |
### Human: Have you heard of Krishna Consciousness? ### Assistant: This, Bart, is a crazy man. |
### Human: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! ### Assistant: Right. That'll work. |
### Human: A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia. ### Assistant: Hmm. Makes sense. |
### Human: We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend. ### Assistant: How much is this free resort weekend? |
### Human: It's free. ### Assistant: And when is this weekend? |
### Human: It's this weekend. ### Assistant: Uh huh. And how much does it cost? |
### Human: Um, it's free. ### Assistant: I see. And when is it? |
### Human: It's this weekend. ### Assistant: And what are you charging for this free weekend? |
### Human: C'mon, Dad! The team's arriving! ### Assistant: It's free, right? |
### Human: You bought four of them. Thank God the check bounced. ### Assistant: So, I beat the system. |
### Human: Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type. ### Assistant: Yes. I am the highly suggestible type. |
### Human: Welcome, brother! ### Assistant: Outta my way, jerk ass! |
### Human: Welcome, brother! ### Assistant: NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA FISH-ING / NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA FISH-ING / FISH-ING, FISH-ING-- |
### Human: Hi, how are y-- ### Assistant: Fish-ing. |
### Human: It certainly is a beautiful day. We should thank the Leader. ### Assistant: Who the hell is that? Some kind of leader? |
### Human: Why don't you come chat with us about the Leader at the Welcome Center. ### Assistant: Will there be beer? |
### Human: Beer is not allowed. ### Assistant: Homer no function beer well without. |
### Human: Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contentment? ### Assistant: What kind of beer? |
### Human: The Leader knows how miserable you, Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie are. ### Assistant: Really? I'm surprised about Maggie. |
### Human: Just come up and watch our orientation film. You're free to leave at anytime. ### Assistant: Wow, a free movie. Thanks! Outta my way, jerk ass. |
### Human: Just come up and watch our orientation film. You're free to leave at anytime. ### Assistant: Whoa, you've got my number on that one, buddy! This is a smart group. |
### Human: And your stink brings tears to my eyes! ### Assistant: Now wait a minute, Moe -- |
### Human: The Leader is perfect! ### Assistant: Wait - I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs was setting them up? |
### Human: What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there. ### Assistant: Well, you see, when I get bored, I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span. |
### Human: But our point is very simple. You see when -- ### Assistant: Ooh, look a bird. |
### Human: Yeah, lose some weight! / Amen you're fat / moron-type ### Assistant: Uh yeah, I guess I could lose a few pounds. And I can be kind of thick sometimes. |
### Human: You've failed at everything you've ever tried. ### Assistant: Oh, my mistake. |
### Human: He even ate mine! ### Assistant: You gonna finish that, bony? |
### Human: Or... NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER / NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER.... ### Assistant: NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER / NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER / LEA-DER, LEA-DER, LEA-DER! |
### Human: Or... NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER / NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER.... ### Assistant: BATMAN! / I MEAN, LEADER! I LOVE THE LEADER! |
### Human: Or... NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER / NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA LEADER.... ### Assistant: ACT II |
### Human: You what?! ### Assistant: Come again, Marge? |
### Human: You what?! ### Assistant: I've joined the Movementarians! And so have all of you! |
### Human: We what? ### Assistant: All I had to give them was our life savings, the deed to the house, and a commitment of ten trillion years of labor. |
### Human: I can't go along with this, Homer. ### Assistant: Marge, when I join an underground cult, I expect a little support from my family. |
### Human: Dad, do you think you might have been brainwashed? ### Assistant: I have not been brainwashed. Kill the girl. Kill the girl. |
### Human: Homer! ### Assistant: What? What did I say? |
### Human: ### Assistant: Of course not! Except that we're all moving to the Movementarian Agricultural Compound to be near the Leader and serve him. |
### Human: Oh, yes you are. I'm afraid it's our home now. This house will become the new local Welcome Center for this district. ### Assistant: And it didn't cost us a dime. |
### Human: Homer Simpson, your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years. Then something might open up in a double. ### Assistant: Hah, why even unpack? |
### Human: Yeah, maybe it'll wear off. Like his interest in C.B. radio. ### Assistant: That's a negatory, good buddy! |
### Human: Oh, Lord. Uh, try the emergency plate, Ned. ### Assistant: See, Marge? Our lives are so much better now! |
### Human: The Leader! / He's coming! / The Leader is coming! / The Leader! / etc. ### Assistant: Oh boy! We get to see the Leader pass by. |
### Human: We toil in the fields and he rides around in a Rolls Royce? ### Assistant: Yes, it would be nice if he'd buy American, but what are ya gonna do? |
### Human: Oh, look who the new pet is! ### Assistant: I've never been so happy. |
### Human: This is ridiculous, we're already married! ### Assistant: But Marge, we're not mass married. |
### Human: Yaaay! Here comes the Leader! ### Assistant: What an honor! We've been called into the presence of -- |
### Human: Knock 'im out, Reverend! ### Assistant: |
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