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### Human: No dating. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Hey Homer! Homer! Check it out. Bottom of page twelve. ### Assistant: "Local Man Has Same Name. A TV character has the same name as Springfield resident Homer Simpson." |
### Human: Hey, you're famous. ### Assistant: And that's the end of that chapter. |
### Human: Uh, Mr. Simpson, sir, can I get your autograph? ### Assistant: All right. And what's the name? |
### Human: You only wrote my name. Um, I wanted yours. ### Assistant: Take it or leave it... Carl. |
### Human: Simp-sonnnn!! ### Assistant: Hey, what's going on? That guy's not Homer Simpson. He's fat and stupid. |
### Human: Hey, looks like they changed the character into a bumbling sidekick. ### Assistant: No, no, he can't be. I know, maybe he's just acting stupid to infiltrate a gang of international idiots. Yeah, that's gotta be it. |
### Human: Yeah, come on, dum-dum, do something unintelligent, there. ### Assistant: Shutup! I'm not your clown! Don't diminish me! |
### Human: Yeah, come on, dum-dum, do something unintelligent, there. ### Assistant: Gentlemen, I bid you-- |
### Human: Yeah, come on, dum-dum, do something unintelligent, there. ### Assistant: Who-o-oa! Who-o-oa! Who-o-oa! |
### Human: Yeah, come on, dum-dum, do something unintelligent, there. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Your character provides the comic relief. Like... Ohhh... Marlon Brando in "Apocalypse Now." ### Assistant: I wish I hadn't bought a hundred of these. |
### Human: He's about to do something stupid. ### Assistant: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you gentlemen, but you seem to have me confused with a character in a fictional show. Now if you'll excuse me, my fondue is just about... |
### Human: He's about to do something stupid. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Haw haw. ### Assistant: People are laughing at me, Marge. Let's get outta here. Forget the baby's medicine. |
### Human: But her forehead's on fire. ### Assistant: Fine. I'll be in the car, driving home. |
### Human: Your catch phrase is hysterical. Please say it clearly for my answering machine tape. ### Assistant: Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's. |
### Human: ### Assistant: C'mon, people. Enough is enough. |
### Human: Oh, it's never enough, not for them. Once they get a taste of you, they want more and more and more. That reminds me, do you mind if my nephew kicks you in the belly? ### Assistant: Okay. |
### Human: Oh, it's never enough, not for them. Once they get a taste of you, they want more and more and more. That reminds me, do you mind if my nephew kicks you in the belly? ### Assistant: |
### Human: Aw, the flash didn't go off. Ya got another one in you, Josh? ### Assistant: The whole town's laughin' at me. Even that cat out there. Bart, kill that cat! |
### Human: Homer, your growing insanity is starting to worry me. Why don't you talk to the producers of the show? Maybe they'll make your character suave again. ### Assistant: Hmmmm, I guess I could... But while I'm gone, keep an eye on that weird-looking kid down there. |
### Human: Bart? ### Assistant: Yeah. "Bart." |
### Human: Stupid? Well, I can assure you, it happened organically. ### Assistant: It better have. |
### Human: But then we found out that ABC had a similar project in development with Annie Potts and Jeremy Piven. ### Assistant: Who's Jeremy Piven? |
### Human: But it scared the hell out of us. So we slapped together a cop show instead. ### Assistant: "PoliceCops." |
### Human: PoliceCops. ### Assistant: Yeah, but why does the Homer Simpson character have to be so stupid? |
### Human: Oh, he's not stupid. He's a street-smart, fish-out-of-water in a world he never made. ### Assistant: I'm begging you. I'm a human being. Let me have my dignity back. |
### Human: Oh, he's not stupid. He's a street-smart, fish-out-of-water in a world he never made. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Court finds in favor of "PoliceCops." Next case. ### Assistant: Then I'd like to legally change my name. |
### Human: What name would you prefer? ### Assistant: Any of these will be fine. |
### Human: Max Power?? ### Assistant: Dynamic, isn't it? |
### Human: You changed your name without consulting me? ### Assistant: That's the way Max Power is, Marge. Decisive, uncompromising, and rude. |
### Human: But this will be so confusing. The mailman won't know what to do. Did you think of the mailman at all before you did this? ### Assistant: Yes, briefly. |
### Human: And what about the tattoo on my you-know-what? ### Assistant: Oh honey, they have acids that can burn that off. |
### Human: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't want to snuggle with "Max Power." ### Assistant: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the G's. |
### Human: Oh, Lord. ### Assistant: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh no, I'm taking charge. Kids, there's three ways to do things -- the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way. |
### Human: Isn't that the wrong way? ### Assistant: Yeah, but faster. |
### Human: Isn't that the wrong way? ### Assistant: |
### Human: Well, who could forget the name of a magnetic individual like you? Keep up the good work, Max. ### Assistant: Mr. Power. |
### Human: Sir, traditionally, a monogram is just initials. ### Assistant: Max Power doesn't abbreviate. Each letter is as important as the one that preceded it. Maybe more important. No, as important. |
### Human: Very well... ### Assistant: And if you have enough room, add some exclamation points and a pirate flag. |
### Human: The man knows what he likes. ### Assistant: Just takin' care of business. |
### Human: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steel. ### Assistant: Homer Sim-- Uh, Max Power. |
### Human: Oh, heyyy, great name. ### Assistant: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer. |
### Human: I like a man who can poke fun at himself. Ooh, hey, my one o'clock canceled. Have you had any lunch? ### Assistant: Yeah, but I usually have three or four. |
### Human: LEADING HIM OFF) So, where to eat? You like Thai? ### Assistant: Tie good. You like shirt? |
### Human: When did you start liking Thai food? ### Assistant: When Trent Steel bought me some. |
### Human: Who's Trent Steel? ### Assistant: He's Max Power's oldest and dearest friend. |
### Human: What's this wrapped in a banana leaf? Mmm, smells like mint. ### Assistant: Oh, I spit my gum in there. |
### Human: Where'd you meet this Trent Steel? Moe's? ### Assistant: No way, this guy's a winner. He has a company that makes computers, or a computer that makes companies... Anyway, you wouldn't understand. |
### Human: Well, I guess your new name is really opening doors for you. ### Assistant: For all of us. Look. |
### Human: You are invited to a garden party this Saturday! ### Assistant: This is our chance to rub elbows with Springfield's young, hip power couples... Like me and Debbie Pinson. |
### Human: Wow, look at this place. The house number is spelled out with letters! ### Assistant: Get used to it, honey. From now on, we'll be spelling everything with letters. |
### Human: Did you wish me to destroy this machine for you? ### Assistant: Nah. Just park it. |
### Human: Heh. Very well. ### Assistant: And I counted the pennies in the ashtray. |
### Human: Very nice, Ed. Your inventions continue to impress me and the entire nation. ### Assistant: Maarrge... President Clinton! |
### Human: Oh, my Lord! I feel like Cinderella. ### Assistant: Me, too. Let's sing the Cinderella song. |
### Human: Eh, maybe later. ### Assistant: Uh-oh. Here comes Lorne Michaels. Pretend you don't see him. |
### Human: Ah, Max Power. Trent said I absolutely must meet you. This is fab... ### Assistant: Anyway, Marge. Uh, how do you feel about the economy? |
### Human: Ah, Max Power. Trent said I absolutely must meet you. This is fab... ### Assistant: So I said "if this is the house of pancakes, how come I can't eat the walls?" |
### Human: I thought I knew all the players in Springfield. Where have you been hiding yourself? ### Assistant: Well, I spend a lot of time on the couch... |
### Human: Attention, please. Attention. Um, I just wanna say how thrilled I am with this turnout. I'm proud to share my home with Springfield's best and brightest. ### Assistant: Hey, no problem. |
### Human: We've all been blessed with privilege and success. ### Assistant: Woo, privilege! |
### Human: Uh, but with privilege comes grave responsibility... ### Assistant: Whuh?! |
### Human: We all have to give something back to the world that's been so good to us. ### Assistant: Give something back? Boo! Get a haircut! |
### Human: We have to protect them, because trees can't protect themselves. Except, of course, the Mexican Fighting Trees. ### Assistant: Somebody buy this guy a tree so he'll shut up. |
### Human: To the protest bus! ### Assistant: Hey, stop shoving! I'm Max Power! |
### Human: I don't know. Remember that New Year's Eve at Lenny's... he didn't even have a clock! ### Assistant: Oh, Marge. I thought it would be fun to be on Springfield's "A" list, but these people are nuts. |
### Human: You can't blame them for having a social conscience. ### Assistant: Sure you can. Buncha no-good do-gooders. |
### Human: Hang in there, Max. Saving the environment is a hard, grueling job. ### Assistant: That's what I'm saying! See Marge, this guy gets it. |
### Human: Man, I have really had it with you tree-huggers. ### Assistant: Tree-huggers... |
### Human: Something funny, Nature Boy? ### Assistant: No, I just thought it was cute when you called him... |
### Human: Don't give 'em the satisfaction of screaming, Max. It'll only burn for... ### Assistant: |
### Human: Keep runnin', Max! ### Assistant: I can't lose them! |
### Human: Uh, you better call for backup, Chief! ### Assistant: Eep! Leave me alone! Go swab Begley. He likes it! |
### Human: Slow down, punk! ### Assistant: I'm free! Woo hoo! |
### Human: ### Assistant: Right after Happy Hour! |
### Human: This is terrible. ### Assistant: So, Trent, where's the party bus headed now? |
### Human: This is terrible. ### Assistant: What? |
### Human: Well, I'm glad you changed your name back to Homer Simpson. ### Assistant: Yes, I learned you've gotta be yourself. G'night, honey. |
### Human: G'night. ### Assistant: Oh, I almost forgot. While I was at the courthouse, I had them change your name. |
### Human: To what? ### Assistant: Chesty LaRue. |
### Human: Chesty LaRue?! ### Assistant: Just try it for two weeks. If you're not completely satisfied, you can be Busty St. Claire. |
### Human: I don't want to be Chesty LaRue or Busty St. Claire! ### Assistant: Fine. Hooty McBoob it is. |
### Human: Goodnight, Homer. ### Assistant: Sleep tight, Hooty. |
### Human: INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT) ### Assistant: And then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad. But the evil ogre, Barney, had left the men's room in the most wicked condition. So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley... |
### Human: That's not a fairy tale. It's just something that happened to you at Moe's. ### Assistant: Sh-sh-sh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon... |
### Human: I didn't turn it on yet. ### Assistant: I'm never eatin' chili again. Ooh, chili! |
### Human: Maybe we should not answer it, huh? ### Assistant: Door's unlocked. |
### Human: Who is your favorite Indian pop singer? ### Assistant: Oh, don't make me choose. |
### Human: Oh, yeah, Homer's a real go-getter. ### Assistant: Yeah, I'm going right to the top. |
### Human: Maybe we should leave. ### Assistant: Uh-uh, no way. I don't want to miss a word. |
### Human: You don't know what they're saying. ### Assistant: I'm picking it up. "Sala" seems to mean jerk. And I think "Manjula" means some kind of spaceship. |
### Human: Oh, I hope we didn't get Apu in too much trouble. ### Assistant: Oh, they're newlyweds. They'll just talk things out and top it off with some lovin'. |
### Human: Oh dear. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Either put that book down or let me drive. ### Assistant: Hey, they stole our idea! See, look! |
### Human: Worse than ever I am afraid. My shameful neglect has made her feel unloved. Now, I fear she will leave me. ### Assistant: Oh, she's not gonna leave you right before Valentine's Day. That'd be like going to an air show and leaving before the plane crash. |
### Human: Ooh, ooh, you are right, there's still seven days before Valentine's. Ah, seven chances to prove my love for sweet Manjula. ### Assistant: Sweet mint julep... I'll be at Moe's. |
### Human: Dad, the vet says we shouldn't make him fetch the Sunday paper. ### Assistant: Goood dog! Good doggie! "Tax Hike Approved"? Bad dog. Bad, bad dog. |
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