id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
QZ3dWlFTjGxxkh4emxlYqYhp3AJNzwwv | b2baot | {
"description": "bugging my roommate to clean a little more",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for bugging my roommate to clean a little more? | So my roomie is....a complete slob to put it nicely. She leaves food/tissues/dirty clothes everywhere, never washes dishes etc. I will clean up our place and then the next day there will be mountains of trash, all from her including spilled soda.
When I bring it up, her and her friend get on me because "she is too sick to clean up"
To be fair, she is sick she has a weakened immune system and chronic pain, she can still work and go to school but any more can be tiring (plus she has depression/anxiety). Because of this, I have made an effort to not bring it up as often, but sometimes I cant help it.
Honestly its not even the trash, its because she is kind of also a princess about it. Every time I clean I hear about how I am doing it wrong or I threw out the wrong thing or I dont clean often enough (she never cleans btw)
She told me she couldn't take out trash because she has a bad immune system. But then the other day I got yelled at for assuming the trash around the house bothers her because obviously its only trash that's been sitting (even though trash around the house has been sitting too) and I should shut up about it. My first thought was if that is true then she could put food away after she is done, and not leave it out.
I have also seen her handle trash before so at least sometimes its ok, but on the other hand she also IS sick that's not a lie....She has also said that her anxiety is the reason for not doing more housework or making less of a mess so I am confused.
I don't know whether to feel like an asshole or not | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
38uhj7JdzhnBal9RuPKBkrmvPvq6PnLc | 9y1hwv | {
"description": "expecting my housemate to be ok with us using her boardgames at a boardgames night that she couldn't attend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for expecting my housemate to be ok with us using her boardgames at a boardgames night that she couldn't attend? | . | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
Eia4dVmanIIBF8kDT8I5EsdwIYv5Lok1 | ar65w0 | {
"description": "being mad my boyfriend and friends hang out without me because I had a baby",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad my boyfriend and friends hang out without me because I had a baby? | Hey. This is my first post on reddit so bare with me.
Me and my boyfriend just welcomed a new baby boy to our home. He’s a month old at this point and spent the first three weeks of his life in the Nicu. He came home about 2 weeks ago. I do a majority of the parental duties. Like 90%.
We have these two friends who we like to hang out with a lot. They are another couple so we do couple stuff together all the time. During my whole pregnancy the girl, I’ll call her Tammie, told me when my son was born she would come and hang out with me all the time and couldn’t wait to see him. THE DAY we bring him home she and her boyfriend call to see if my boyfriend can hang out. I tell him it’s fine since the baby hadn’t been fussy at all that day and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. The only problem is...now when they call it’s only to see if my boyfriend wants to hang out. He goes and hangs out with them constantly while I’m stuck at home with the baby.
I told my boyfriend that if felt like I didn’t really have friends because since I had the baby she hasn’t said a word to me and only wants him to come and hang out. He told me to call my own friends to come hang out (tammie and her boyfriend were his friends before I started dating him). I told him I’d love too but the one friend I have works at a hospital and has very little time to hang out. We got into an argument about it and now I feel like an asshole for asking him to stay home and help out with the baby more. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CFFwOX1TEofBVzXNpPpdpvQJiwBcUi0z | auhhy9 | {
"description": "pointing out small disagreements or mistakes",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for pointing out small disagreements or mistakes? | Sometimes, for example when I’m talking with my family and they say something and I agree with what they are saying except for one thing which seems wrong/ or factually wrong. I don’t like to keep quiet on these things, and I usually correct them to make sure they get my point, or just to make sure they realize something that’s wrong, even if it’s small. I don’t do it with a malicious intent, I just want to make sure we are 100 percent on the same page or the conversation is accurate. Unfortunately, they usually misunderstand me and we end up in an unnecessary fight. So am I just being very annoying, or is it ok because my intentions are pure?
-Just to clarify, I don’t mean a spelling mistake or a misspoken word or anything like that- | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
KqlByHLbMBiqmiWzn4efEBfv4vOyMSVQ | b6ymjo | {
"description": "calling my friend out for racism even though we're not from USA",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my friend out for racism even though we're not from USA | Throwaway because friends know my reddit account. If she finds this, I'm killing myself. ESL.
So I (24F) have a friend (23F) that I've know for years now. I'd like to think we know each other pretty well, but you know, people change, especially in this age. I, same as many of my peers, spend too much time on the internet and a lot of US pop culture. But we're both from central Europe. I could say I know that I'm pretty fluent in pop culture and history and so on, more than her. We also do have some nerd and some dark humor in common.
Recently, when she was abroad, she found a boyfriend. He's a bit older and french. Once we were in chat together and I talked to him for second time ever. It was pretty late and my friend mentioned he had some wine and was a bit aggregated. Towards the end, he literally called black people monkeys and then niggas (no R for the record). Nobody else reacted so I didn't either. We have reeally low number of POC in our country, seriously.
So after giving some thought, I wrote to my friend privately after like an hour saying that I don't think that what he said in the last part was cool. She was confused what I meant, so I specified the racial slurs. Apparently, she jokes with him like that all the time. That actually stunned me even more - she was never openly racist as far as I knew her. So I told her a bit a what I knew about this and why I thought it wasn't alright to say those things. Sent a few links explaining how monkey is used as dehumanizing and compared it to few slurs from our language. I also said that it's not that I'm somehow angry on someone elses behalf, but I was just unconfortable with how easily it came out.
She said that she doesn't see it as a big deal and that I'm probably "too educated about this stuff" and "she's not as sensitive as I am" and that he has black friends and when she hears someone being "really racist", she also voices her concerns. I know these are basic arguments, but this is the first time ever I've heard them coming from someone I know, so I took them more seriously. Now I fear it will have consequences for our friendship.
So. I'm now thinking if I should even have said something or not. If I am that detached or they're ignorant. I think she (dunno about him) is on some "intelectual level", where she should have some knowledge of other countries issues, not just "our lands". Especially when you colloqially use words that have obviously racial connotations that have no basis in our history (as far as I know our country has never historically participated in slavery nor colonization).
I guess if you say that I'm looking for a validation, I'd have to say you're not wrong. Also if you say that this is difficult situation to judge as you only one perspective, you're also right. If you would specify if you're answering as US or non-US, I think that would be very helpful to the conversation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VRNDmgTY6ywzMrfhBXen5KX8HI6Zk7bx | a10j47 | {
"description": "leaving my friend alone drunk in Berlin",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for leaving my friend alone drunk in Berlin? | So a few days ago now me and my friend were in Berlin traveling for a small music festival that was held in central Berlin. We are both from English speaking countries, but I have some ability to speak German and he does not. We were both very excited for the festival and had been casually drinking in the hours leading up to it. However my friend is sometimes unable to sustain a "good" level of drunk before he starts to go a bit crazy.
He was starting to reach his peak level of drunk just before we left the bar of our hotel and took the trains to the venue. At a stopover however when I was buying a pretzel for myself he had walked away nowhere to be found. I assumed maybe he had been able to find the platform and go to the gig, and after a few missed calls directed at him I thought it would be best just to take the final train to the venue and see if I could catch up with him there. However as I arrived at the venue I received a video call from him which to my surprise was not him but a member of an ambulance team who had somehow picked up my friend while he was at the previous station. They wanted to drop him.off so that I could take him home so I told them the address of the venue and they came around and dropped him off about a block away. However in my friends drunken state he started to wander off in the wrong direction and dispute all my messages and calls he would only reply with "ja" and "nein" for some reason. Eventually I found him standing at a street corner with the help of some German locals after about 3 hours of trying to track him down.
I was able to get over this once we both entered the venue and we're able to enjoy some of the music being played. However it wasn't long until a security guard noticed how drunk my friend was and attempted to kick him out. I talked to the guard for a while and eventually convinced him to stay as long as I was supervising him. So wherever he would go I would have to closely follow and make sure he wouldn't fall down any stairs or what not. After he used all of my cash to buy a bunch of strangers a round of drinks, wandered off multiple times, lost his credit card to an ATM when trying to get money out and generally being a bit of trouble I decided it was time to go home and retire the night at 5am.
He had wandered off so I just went straight to the train station and sent him a message informing him that the next train leaves in 15 minutes and if he wants to come home with me then he better hurry and get here now. He said he was coming but over the next 15 minutes never arrived and I decided to just take the train and leave him. I sent him the details on what trains to catch to get back to our hostel and told him whatever he does do not walk back. He very quickly ignored this and started walking aimlessly to try to find another ATM to get money out.
This is where I start to feel very guilty. Shortly after I took the train my friend was snugged and had a bunch of money taken from him and his night generally ruined. I feel like even though he was hard to deal with I should have stuck by him in this state and then he would've been safe and not had the traumatic experience of being mugged. So what do you think? Am I the asshole for abandoning my friend when he possibly needed me the most? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
BHmz9EyStLzKdgqHPwubmqyYrD3vcdKE | aeb9w4 | {
"description": "reporting a sexual harrasment on a guy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for reporting a sexual harrasment on a guy? | So my friend had been dating a guy from her work. I immediately told her she shouldnt be dating him (she's 19, he's 28) and that he shouldnt be dating somone with that large of an age gap.
She breaks up with him before christmas break, we get off school, come back, and i notice she's acting different.
I ask her what was wrong and she says she was sexually violated by the guy.
Naturally, i lose my shit. I call the guy's GM and tell him what i know. Here's the part that i'm getting shakey about.
She said she didnt want to report the issue until she was ready. I told her that she needed to report it now. I told her that he could do it to other people, yet she held firm in her decision. I still reported him to the GM and respectfully asked he be terminated from his position.
Am i in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
6t9ygmRppDXeFSosQ0gEgMMUDRHDYRR8 | aljxd7 | null | AITA for my wife and I being hesitant to spend money to send my wife on a trip with her twin sister and a friend? | This is my first time here so please let me know if I have done anything wrong!
# Background information
My wife (let's call her Wendy) is graduated from college and works an hourly job (that doesn't use her degree) to support us while I finish undergraduate studies before starting medical school this fall. We got married a few years ago, and her twin sister (let's call her Claire) was furious that my wife got married before her, and told her several times how stupid it was to get married so young, etc etc (my wife changed religions from what my sister does for church and there is a lot of tension over that choice and the different customs and beliefs).
My wife and I will be moving in a few months and will have several large expenses including purchasing supplies for me to enter medical school (read, a new laptop/tablet to use for my studies), and maybe a nice vacation before we take out thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in loans come fall.
Well my wife's twin, let's call her Claire, graduated from nursing school last year and is now full-time at a hospital in her state. She is getting married in October and Wendy and I will have to fly out for that, hotels etc etc etc.
# * * Here's the actual story * *
Due to Wendy (my wife) Claire (her twin) and Jamie (their childhood best friend) all becoming older, someone had the idea to do a girl's weekend in March to get together before everyone has kids and has big jobs and families etc. One last hurrah before they all become full adults and stuff. Jamie and Claire are both nurses, graduated, and live by themselves and have no problem spending several hundred for a big week of fun.
My wife and I are in a different boat. My wife is graduated but doesn't have a job that uses her degree (makes 12.50 an hour). We still live like students, and with several big expenses coming up this year with the move to medical school, don't have several hundred dollars to spend on this trip. We have a sizable amount in savings but that isn't something we want to dip in to for a trip like this, especially considering that my wife Wendy will be in Claire's wedding in October anyways (and so will their childhood best friend Jamie).
Since the other two have big jobs and are done with school this seems like no big deal to them: they have wanted to go somewhere tropical like Florida to get some warmth and get away.
This isn't something that my wife and I have a problem with, it is just that we are in a different place financially and in life right now (in 10 years we will be making more than both of them put together, but that's a long long ways away). My wife has voiced concerns but her sister has repeatedly made snide and rude remarks such as "if it costs too much just don't go" or "this is what you work for" and "don't you have savings?".
To be fair, we live comfortably as students. I also work on the side and we aren't scraping by by any means. However, we do so by being careful in not spending more than we make and by being prudent with savings. I believe that my sister-in-law Claire knows all of this and knows how we live and so can easily say "why don't you spend the same as we do considering you are doing okay".
I get why she would think that we could do so. However, with so many large expenses on the horizon my wife and I are very very hesitant to drop hundreds. We would be okay with her spending less than $150 on a plane ticket if her friend and sister could help cover the hotel and car costs. But when their friend Jamie started to offer to help, the sister texted my wife privately to tell her that my wife should pay it all herself, that since she makes most of the money in our marriage it is her money anyways and that I shouldn't be able to make these types of decisions for her.
This is where my wife was told "if it costs too much then don't come".
# AITA
AITA for us being hesitant to spend lots of money on this? We have so many big expenses this year we just don't want to drop hundreds more when we have a move several states away, some new furniture and electronics to buy, possibly a vacation of our own to have before selling our souls in debt, and then paying for my wife to travel to the wedding in October anyways (which will cost lots more than this girls week trip).
Yes, this is probably one of the last times to have these "3 amigas" get together and my wife is super disappointed we aren't in a position for this to be an easy 'yes'. However, we also want to look at starting a family this year and my wife's sister told her "well if you aren't okay spending money on this trip then maybe you shouldn't be looking at starting a family then".
# *Bonus*
Will I be an asshole by texting her sister personally to tell her how much of a fucking bitch she is? Am I an asshole for calling her out on something that is \*technically\* just between my wife and her sister, even if she is incredibly rude to my wife and makes her cry?
# TL;DR
TL;DR Wife's sister in a much better position than we are financially as we are students. Wants my wife to join in on a several hundred dollar girls weekend before life and families become the norm. However due to finances, my wife and I are hesitant and would only be okay spending a small amount, and only then if the sister and best friend helped with a car and hotel. My wife's sister has said several rude things to us, and while this is the only chance for a trip of its kind, there are several huge expenses my wife and I face this year including going to a massive wedding for the same sister this Fall.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KrUPoOmJEA3THPVXEg7FDy2nCUkv8wVv | aa5yof | {
"description": "cutting someone off after they broke my tv while drunk and refused to pay for it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITAH for cutting someone off after they broke my tv while drunk and refused to pay for it ? | She said she was gonna give me her tv but then changed her mind when I said I was going to give it to my girlfriend as a Christmas gift, even though I was going to give my old tv to her before my friend broke it. Worst part was that she was rude about it and said shit like “you’re funny for thinking I was gonna give it to you” and when I told her I was going to give my girlfriend the old tv before she broke it she said “oops” | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fggflbeVHsJtspMsxhWczJAtWFV2it7b | axo0y0 | {
"description": "copying in an exam when everyone was doing so",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for copying in an exam when everyone was doing so? | Throwaway for obvious reasons. I was giving chemistry paper of std 12th hsc exam. The MCQs were really hard this time and I could get only 3 out of 8 correct. The rest of the paper was mostly easy. The invigilator was really lax and was sipping tea and looking into his phone. Now, in the last 30 mins the guy sitting behind me taps my shoulder and whispers to me to show the 3rd question of 3 marks. I show him. The guy sitting next to me was also copying from another. So in the last 10 minutes, I manage to copy 4 MCQs. After the exam, I told one of my friends that the invigilator was really chill and all the students were copying, and I also copied the MCQs. He got upset and told me thats wrong. But I think the real reason was that he didn't get 5 out of 8 of those questions. I said so, and he called me an asshole for copying, but how can I be the asshole if EVERYONE in our classroom was doing the same? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
HUdjj0nwrvmlpKYhSMa9MsNVHSKLhhku | b5zv4o | {
"description": "asking for help around the home",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I ask for help around the home | I (24f) live with my boyfriend(29m) of a year. We have been living together for most of the relationship and it's fairly easy living because we are very similar. He is very loving and supportive and I absolutely adore the hell out of him. He is helping me get on my feet because due to some mental health issues I am stay at home. I am working on going back to school and finishing my degree and am in the process of trying to get a job to help with expenses.
Anyway. My boyfriend is under immense pressure at work and is struggling a lot right now because he is such a wonderful person and he does so much at work. They are really sucking him dry and taking advantage of him and it's driving him absolutely mad. Because of this, he is leaning on me heavily for emotional support and that in itself can be very overwhelming because he also has some issues that he is working on. I do the best I can to be that rock for him right now because I love him to death. And again he is helping me out so so much and this is the absolute least I could do for him.
This is why I may be TA for this tiny problem that is starting to drive me nuts. Hes a VERY messy person. More so lately since he is having a hard time and his motivation to do redundant tasks is annoying for him. I have taken the opportunity to try and help out with keeping up with the home since I'm home all day. I really dont mind because I am just naturally a clean person and I have accepted that I just tend to be a little more anal about cleanliness and wont take it out on him. Ya know we're still 2 different people and compromise is chill.
I try asking him sometimes to do some of the easier tasks just to help a little but I've been doing that less and less out of guilt. Usually he doesnt end up doing it so I just do it anyway. I know he feels guilty so I try not to make him feel worse.
I guess it's just become a bit much because it has gotten to the point to where he is leaving trash everywhere and dirty clothes. He used to not be this bad so again Ive been chalking it up to stress and not thinking about it as much. Sometimes it hurts my feelings because I feel like he's taken advantage of that I'm so willing to clean and doesnt think twice about it. Then I feel shitty because he is doing so much for me and I feel maybe me getting upset about this is dumb and I need to chill.
I spend a lot of time helping him cope with this job and cleaning after himself and I is starting to wear on me. I'm slightly worried about getting a job because I dont think things will change if I do and it will be too much. He's been fine with me not working right now. (I bring it up a lot to make sure he is still fine with it)
Alright y'all so AITA and should just chill or should I bring this up? And how do I do it without putting even MORE stress on him?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
D2APngamkhCPMULGoPGiWU8GLdRD4Ojc | az9tc2 | {
"description": "refusing to attend my late father's family reunion",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to attend my late father's family reunion | My late father's side of the family is having a family reunion tomorrow and I don't want to go. My mother says this is disrespectful to them. She says that since he is dead, it is my duty to keep in touch with his family and I am part of their memory of him.
But this story is more complicated. My father was a drunk. He was a violent drunk but the violence towards me wasn't that bad. My mother got the worst of it, but sometimes he would beat me when he was drunk too. One time it was different though. He abused me in a different way when I was 8 years old and I never told anyone. I was always scared to tell, and now that he is dead I feel like it will only harm my mother if I tell her. But I feel like I shouldn't have to confront his family. I want to disconnect myself from that memory as much as possible.
My mom thinks that I am mad because he used to beat me, but she says that wasn't him, it was his disease (alcoholism). Maybe if she knew what he really did to me then she would understand, but I feel like that would only tarnish his memory at this point and wouldn't do anyone any good.
Am I the asshole for refusing to go to this reunion? Do I owe her an explanation? I feel like I am doing her a favor by not giving her the explanation, but it is making me look bad. I am fine with looking like an asshole, as long as my actions are morally justifiable and I am not a true asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zgqhgLcK9hNR6FgNM1qMa3UJNu7rsE7K | b3jfla | {
"description": "reducing contact with friends who excluded some of our group from a trip",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for reducing contact with friends who excluded some of our group from a trip? | At my school, it's a tradition for seniors to take a beach trip right before graduation. My group of friends all seemed pretty excited about it, and we had been talking about it for a while, but nobody had made concrete plans. However, a number of us have been explicit in our intent to go on a trip.
In my group of 8 friends, there are 3 people, "Clara, Jane, and Emily", who will often exclude people from things that could easily be group activities. For example, if a group of 5 of us always watch a TV show together, Jane will only text 4 of us, excluding the same girl every time and forcing us to text her individually. This sort of thing happens a lot, especially when Clara and Jane are involved.
Four days ago, I texted the whole group to get started on making plans for the beach trip. Suspiciously, everyone replied to my message except Clara, Jane, and Emily. Finally, Clara texted me today to say that a few weeks ago, her dad had paid for a hotel room that would only fit 3, and those 3 people would, of course, be Clara, Jane, and Emily.
I understand that obviously, our group of friends would be too big to all fit in that room. But I don't see why the three girls couldn't have *at least* included us in the planning process instead of waiting weeks to let us know what was going on.
WIBTA for reducing my contact with those three girls, even though we share a lot of mutual friends and are graduating in 2 months, anyway? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CFDY1zcmDOCTJqimvsVFDCMNwoV2d9dH | aq5gps | {
"description": "accusing my parents of being abusive and breaking several of their rules",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for accusing my parents of being abusive and breaking several of their rules? | A bit of context: I am a teenager, and my parents have separated a few years ago.
This all started during Sunday, where I was using my phone in the bathroom and my parent shouted at me to stop. I didn’t comply and when I replied with a shout, he told me to not shout, that people were sleeping (napping). I told him to not shout and he ended up smacking me in the face. Now, my father is kinda aggressive and a control freak, so not obeying his commands means getting shouted at and maybe even hit. However, this time he drew blood, and before I could take a photo he cleaned it up and my brother grabbed me to stop me.
During a long drive home since we were out for the weekend, I talked in a venting chat in a discord server I’ve been for around 10 months, and people were encouraging me to call the police, as it wasn’t the first time it had happened. However, I decided to speak with my mother about it.
She said that she doesn’t condone any of it and that she would speak with him, but I feel like she also shifted some of the blame on me even if she says she didn’t, saying stuff like “If only you had left your phone, this wouldn’t have happened, but it’s hard to do when addicted, huh?”. Eventually, she found out about the venting chat, and shit hit the fan.
She demanded me to delete the messages, and that I broke the first rule of the internet, that is telling personal information to people you don’t know in real life (which, ironically, I’m doing right now). She was really mad, and I started to freak out, so I locked myself in the bathroom. Little did I know, she got her hand on one of my devices and was reading the whole conversation. I claimed that I felt unsafe (which my mother claims I had no reason to), and the people said that I should call the police ASAP. I also talked to my therapist, who said that I should just step outside. All of this happened while I heard her trying to dismantle the lock and my brother crying and pleading me to not call the police.
Eventually, I ended up saying that I was calling the police and, as I was dialing, I heard a clash. My mother had broken the glass door and opened the lock from the inside. I started yelling my address before my mother snatched away my phone and spoke to them, eventually dissuading them from coming. After it, all of my devices got taken away, but I started to write on pieces of paper to send them via a colleague’s device at school.
In those I explained what happened, and... I have to admit, I probably gave an impression worse than what it really is. During the following days I spoke to some people, and most of them said that I overreacted, but otherwise understood the stress and tension of the situation. I’ll give a brief summary of what they said:
My therapist said that police wouldn’t change anything, that people like my father will be everywhere and that you have to know how to act with them. When I asked if I should just mask my feelings, he said that sadly that seemed like my only option.
Some teachers that I spoke to said that the situation wasn’t healthy for me, but that I could have handled it better.
My school’s counselor said that the chat was making me do stuff that I wouldn’t do alone, that it was reinforcing obsessive tendencies, and that I shouldn’t have called the police as my mother has always been there to help me.
Now, my parents do love me, but they are far from perfect. My father is impulsive and short tempered, and he hates it when I don’t obey his commands at the moment, as he has the image that I am inferior (which I am) and that he has the right to boss me around (he does). My mother, while much calmer, does guilt trip (or at least it appears like she does. She says that she never does) me sometimes.
Yesterday, my mother found out about the letters and started crying. The guilt I had accumulated during the few days this lasted was unbearable, and I ended up writing another letter where I basically called me the asshole, but people called it out as feeling like my mother forced me to write it.
In reality, I didn’t really believe what I was writing. I was just letting the guilt out, but my mother, seeing as people were calling that out and telling me to get help, was fuming, and now my parents have decided that I shouldn’t contact those people.
Now my discord account is being held under hostage, as if they see me post another message there, they will delete it. I am considering calling social services, but this feels like I’m the cause of the issue. My brother never had an issue like this, and I can’t avoid but feel... am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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yAoJboXukHBxPn0arzY4DPH26ioZZBDW | amvdch | {
"description": "thinking my girlfriend is over exaggerating my bad memory",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for thinking my girlfriend is over exaggerating my bad memory? | Throwaway for reasons.
Some background: I suffer from bad memory, sometimes I don't even remember what I had for breakfast the day before or the likes, and I've already talked about this with her. We've been dating for half a year and we'd never had a strong discussion before.
So, my girlfriend (24F) and I (25M) had a discussion yesterday because she was being super distant, sharing heartbroken IG images and not talking at all and stuff. I found it weird because she'd never acted like this before. Long story short we talked after work and she broke down crying saying I'd hurt her feelings and stuff because I never pay attention to her and the things she tells me and stuff.
Apparently, her exboyfriend sent her a message saying he was involved in an accident and had some loss of memory. She asked him what he remembered and he told them lots of stuff about her and their previous relationship (they were together for 2 years and broke up like half a year before starting to go out with me). This is important because apparently I don't remember most of the stuff her ex does (like favorite movie, stuff about her studies, stuff like that which I think is not really that important), and she said it's really hurtful that her ex remembers all of that and I don't.
I've told her that it's not that I don't pay her attention, but my memory has always been bad and that doesn't mean I don't care about her, I just sometimes forget some things which I don't find really important, hell, I sometimes forget my SSN and stuff like that.
Point being, Am I Really the Asshole for having a bad memory and not remembering some small stuffs regarding her? Any advice you might have regarding this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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yQ8urxeeKkfdZ14pzwXaOyIeZTKp0E3v | b8515i | {
"description": "calling out my fiance's very intense opposite sex friendships",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for calling out my fiance's very intense opposite sex friendships? | WIBTA for calling out my fiance's very intense opposite sex friendships?
Here's as much information as possible:
* My fiance works from home.
* We've been together about 4 years. I am 33, she is 27.
* She has always enjoyed a lot of male friends.
* All indications tell me that she is very faithful to me romance-wise.
* However, there is a guy who I personally find annoying, boring and mildly creepy that she will chat by phone with for hours on end.
* She also often has lunch with the guy while I'm at work because he's usually unemployed.
* Sometimes when I come home from work I'll see that she has already invited the guy over and is chatting with him, gossiping. This makes me feel annoyed for some reason.
* She is an "influencer" and will very rarely or occasionally go out to do the "influence event" (usually a restaurant dinner) with the guy when I am not avialable (she always prefers to do it with me).
I'm sure this is just a friendship, but still the whole thing annoys me. Does that make me an asshole? Would I be an asshole to say no to intense opposite sex friendships like this? I have a couple opposite sex friendships, but the only really serios one is an Australian penpal lady I've known for about 8 years. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
VlH6I6PsS72muYqrHKbImkcFLQMwEgkc | aegdqw | {
"description": "selling to someone who offered a higher price",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for selling to someone who offered a higher price? | So a while ago I was selling am xbox controller ok n the Facebook marketplace. After a few days of nothing I got a lowball offer and decided to begrudgingly take it after some unsuccessful negotiating and the guy saying that's all the money he had.
I gave the guy my address for him to pick it up (my mistake) and he said he would come by in a few days.
Only a couple hours later I get another interested buyer willing to pay the full asking price and meet up to buy it sooner. I tell the first guy that I'm selling it to the new guy and promptly complete the transaction.
The first guy hadn't responded by the time I sold it but he got back to me and was calling me out for it, saying that I should have offered him to match the price (even though he said he couldn't afford any more than his first offer) and that he could've found more money.
He went on to say that he would come to my work (was visible on my Facebook profile at the time, no longer is) and make me "regret it" and that "I messed with the wrong guy" etc. I made a police report about it because he did actually have my work location and home address (my fuck up) but nothing ever came of it.
Tldr: arranged to sell something to a guy for a lower than asking price, soon got a higher offer and took the higher offer. Got threatened by original buyer. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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OVuoqg3RoOqd3R3t0mo7ba93XXsMhS0h | b4zgi7 | {
"description": "seeing my son and his father while my bf was at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for seeing my son and his father while my bf was at work? | I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with my bf’s child. We have been together a little over a year and it’s like an unstated fact that he doesn’t like my ex and our relationship. Like we’re all good happy blah blah blah but when it comes to matters of my ex husband he gets... touchy to say the least.
Well this morning I said fuck it my ex cut my sons hair without telling me and I wanted to see my baby. (I cried when he showed me) My ex and I just both happened to have off today this was in no way pre planned but I called him and said hey wanna do coffee I wanna see my son. I’m literally getting my tiny human tomorrow for the week but I missed some time with him due to a hospitalization from a kidney infection. Plus I wanted to give him some money for the daycare since he will be dropping him off in the morning. So we meet at Dunkin Donuts cuz I’m fat, pregnant, tired and at least need decaf coffee.
So I get home drag an entire wooden changing table up my stairs and put it together by myself. And I text my bf and say hey you owe me gas cuz he owes me gas he took my car and it cost me 40 to fill it up which was his job this pay while I covered the car insurance. He asks me why I said I met up with my ex. I didn’t hide it or lie. & he gets mad that I don’t text back fast enough (I’m literally assembling the world most annoying changing table & it was supposed to be a surprise so he has no clue) He then states that he has some questions but he doesn’t want to start an argument. & I basically went off considering that last time I saw my ex he accused me of cheating on him with him in not so many words. I didn’t say anything disrespectful but I was super defensive because it’s not cool imo. He then states that it always seems to be when he’s not around that we hang out. Well he works ten hour shifts and gets off at 4:30PM with 3 days off in the middle of the week that me nor my ex would ever have off so yeah it would be that way. I then told him that it wasn’t about him and that until we’re married these relationships are truly separate and there is no reason to bring anyone else in and even then it would be for rly big things.
I just want my son to understand that we both love him despite the end of our relationship. & don’t want to feel persecuted for having literally a drink with my ex so that our son can see us exercise basic communication. Also I will admittedly say I will always love my ex because we spent 7 years together and he gave me one of my greatest gifts but I also feel the same about my bf and if we ever ended I would still care deeply for him and try to extend basic human decency and show our daughter that we don’t hate one another even if I felt bruised bitter or mad. Basically AITA for wanting my son to see me and his father in the same room cordially. Not to mention discuss schedule changes and give him money. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
MpUzsJAUFFpyEMSLKTnYb7B0Fb535FLp | b9h3kq | {
"description": "backing out of a party I was voluntold to plan",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for backing out of a party I was voluntold to plan? | Reposting on a throwaway account.
I was building rapport with a new coworker and he told me that he and his significant other (who also works for my company) are moving in together. I told him that they should have a housewarming party. He thought that was a great idea, and mentioned that maybe I would be able to help with organizing it, which I said I wouldn't mind helping. This was two weeks ago, and I kind of forgot about it except when they bring it up in passing. There hasn't been any talk of dates or anything, just that it will be a small get-together of no more than eight people. Just today, his boyfriend came over and asked when the party was going to happen.
Side note: I am 36 weeks pregnant and can barely waddle around work, let alone plan and throw a party.
I was a little surprised, and asked them when they wanted it to happen, because I could potentially go into labor any day now. He threw a couple dates out there and went back to work.
Honestly, I am exhausted and can barely make it through a work day, let alone planning a party. This really got away from me and I feel terrible. I plan on being honest with them and letting them know I can send an email or an evite on their behalf, but I am not up to planning a party. If I did that, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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YiXoyIjfDDG0hSHgihXz96SitufPY2xT | audpac | {
"description": "reporting a restaurant manager about the treatment my family and I received",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for reporting a restaurant manager about the treatment my family and I received? | This happened on my cousin's 21st birthday a couple of weeks ago, she goes to college up in Maryland and my brother and about 45 mins away in Virginia. We wanted to go out and treat her to some drinks after we got some dinner.
So we went to a local bar restaurant to start the night and we wanted to grab some drinks, which is were the big problem started. My brother and I moved to VA about 7 years ago for college when we were 18 and got the state standard 'vertical' license for underage people which don't expire for another year, so I've never seen a reason to spend my whole day at the DMV. Additionally, before this night, we've NEVER had any issues due to the vertical license since anyone that takes a second to read can see that I'm actually well past legal drinking age.
So we tried to grab a couple drinks at the bar, as we have now in several different areas in several states with no issue, and the bartender starts acting strangely by getting defensive by asking all 3 of us about our addresses, birthdays, etc. likely thinking they were fake (even though VA licenses are incredibly hard to fake). When we asked if there was an issue, he says "hold on" and takes our licenses away and goes off to talk to the manager. This was not only sketchy but I felt extremely disrespected as their customer.
Afterward the manager comes over and is acting very defensive and very in a very aggressive manner comes over and says "yeah, we're not going to accept these IDs since they're vertical" when I asked why he said "because we can't confirm you're over 21" (again he could take 2 seconds to do some mental math) . When I asked what he meant by this since I've gone to MD bars before without issue he said "look we're not taking these ID's and if you aren't going to order I have to ask you to leave"
We obviously left since we were not going to sit there and be disrespected and have out legitimate IDs called fake by some dude too lazy to take 2 seconds to actually look at the dates. After we left, we were all understandably pissed off by this guy's attitude and we decided that since he was the manager, there was no one we could really complain to. I was pissed since he never gave us a chance to explain so I decided to get a bit of petty revenge and called the Alcohol Control Dept. and said that they were not ID'ing people and serving them, thinking at most they'd sweat him a bit with some questioning and maybe a surprise investigation.
But we found out last week through the grapevine, that the restaurant has actually gotten caught several other times serving minors and their alc license has been permanently pulled for them.
WITA in this scenario? The guy definitely needed a wake-up call for his shitty treatment and I feel I may have gone a bit far, but I don't really feel too bad since the manager clearly selectively applied the ID rule and clearly has no training in customer service. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
jicQNrNBMtFJB1rk2iAPSeRBaxa9iHrL | b3xbr7 | {
"description": "not wanting my little sister to wear my clothes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting my little sister to wear my clothes? | I am 21F and live in an African country with traditional African parents. I still live with them because I am in med school and it is cost effective. My sister is 17 and a bit of a golden child. She can do no wrong, and even if she does it's because I drove her to it. I was quite mean to her when we were younger because of that.
Any who I am very obese. I started the year at 250lbs and am now 240 and working on losing more. Because of this I cannot buy many clothes in my size, so a lot of my clothes are sewn. I use these sewn clothes to go to lectures because my school demands that we dress formally. Most of my clothes are for that purpose, and
I have a few nice outing clothes and a lot of very ratty lounging clothes. This is the reason why I'm trying to lose weight. I also have no ,money of my own, just an allowance my parents give me. I do have a secret side business of baking and selling cupcakes to my classmates, but that is less than once a month.
Any who, my sister has he WASSCE coming up, and since my dad is a lecturer in the university I go to and where we all live, we spend nights studying I'm his private office. I pick my sister up from home and we take a taxi to the office. So today she was a bit late and I waited for her and chatted with my parents and their guests. She can put of the room wearing one of my club t shirts from when I was in high school. I told her, "Oh no, that's my shirt please put it back." She shrugged and went to change no problem.
My parents weren't happy with me. They bombarded me, saying things like "how can you be so mean to your sister?', 'if you keep up that behaviour you'll turn into a witch', 'I can't believe I raised a child like you'
I told them that it was mine and I'm still using it (I left it at home sp I could have clothes to wear if I spent a weekend at home), and that I would give it to her if I no longer need it.
My dad said that it's not really mine because I paid for it with his money. He said that nothing I have is really mine, and because it's all his money he gets to decide what happens to it. He also yelled at my sis to keep it on. She seemed remorseful, sometimes she wears my clothes to annoy me (even the ones far too big for her. I'm an 18 and she's a tight 14) and she couldn't have anticipated this response so I don't blame her.
My mom said she's going to sit down through the clothes I have and give whatever she likes to my sister and there is nothing she can do about it, in those exact words.
This isn't an isolated incident, I have less than half the clothes she does and I currently don't have enough clothes for two weeks, I can't take another hit like that. This has happened with other things too when I was younger. If we both had the same amount of the same type of food and I refused to share, mine would be given to her to teach me to share.
Sorry if I'm rambling. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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v45UQuOwGUz91Q57VAruOjCNYfiXwpS2 | b3a68r | {
"description": "keeping this speaker",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I kept this speaker? | This speaker was left out by a stairwell and brought to me earlier today. I'm on a 24 hour watch of the area. It's 3am and its easily been 8 hours, maybe more. The dude in charge of this area said if no one claims it by 7:30am (the end of my shift) I can keep it. Would I be the asshole if I took it or should I leave it here another day to give the owner a longer chance to claim the speaker? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kx5MxgvXjPueC819BtzElBddEzHWrmwc | b8bsm1 | null | AITA for the confusion over milkshake semantics? | I know this looks like an April fool's post but I'm totally serious.
I frequently get custard at Culver's, and have recently started getting milkshakes. I like my milkshakes in **vanilla** custard with chocolate syrup. The first few times I ordered it this way, it was perfect, but now they say "ok, so a chocolate shake?" And I say "no, a vanilla shake with chocolate syrup" and they say those are the same thing, so I'm like whatever. I get a chocolate custard shake with nothing else in it. I can tell the difference because vanilla with syrup is a much different taste than plain chocolate custard. It also looks a lot different as well. This has happened 2-3 times now where I request vanilla with chocolate syrup and am given chocolate custard, and it's starting to get really frustrating.
If I *am* the ass here, how could I better explain it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
M7XhPNgaBlIn60gzyB6uZAnHlJQ0U1Lr | b2313r | {
"description": "having a messy space",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having a messy space? | I’m currently a freshman living in the dorms with two other girls, F and R. Because I’m a bit of a hermit, I spend most of my time not in class in the room, playing video games on my TV. F barely spends any time in the room anymore because R asked that she stop having her boyfriend sleep over so often. R is rarely in, but only at weird times like 5am.
Also of note, I have less storage space than the other two. F has a lot of space under her bed. R had the whole area under her loft bed, easy access to the top of her dresser, and a more optimized dresser style. So while I’m pretty sure I have less items than the other two, I’ve got nowhere to put anything and the TV takes up a lot of desk space.
And this brings us to the question: AITA for having a messy space? As in miscellaneous junk on my desk (body spray, notebook, Benadryl, salt shaker, chips bag), shoes out of the dresser, and a box full of more miscellaneous junk on the ground. Mind you, all of this stuff is within my “personal box” and does not in any way impede walking space.
What prompted this question was that R has seemed really unhappy with my clutter, even moving stuff when I’m gone over the weekends. I‘ve had a trash bag tied up next to my desk for the past day or so because I’ve been busy with finals week. I didn’t really think about it because it doesn’t smell at all and it’s still not taking up anyone else’s room. Even so, R wrote me a note asking for me to take out the trash and the room’s recycling (not full or even my job). I wrote back that I’d get to it because I will, I’m going home in two days and would clean + pack then. When she saw the note she angrily crumpled it and threw it in the trash without talking to me.
AITA? It just doesn’t seem like something that should bother anyone but me | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
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E4R9Lp0uONVdOdrdQT4Ena6H8fWPfUlv | b34ws8 | {
"description": "consciously ignoring my mother starting random conversations in the middle of other conversations",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for consciously ignoring my mother starting random conversations in the middle of other conversations? | I'll explain!
​
My mom may have a bit of ADD. She can't really stick to a topic for too long, unless it's one she personally finds relevant. Personally I think it's a bit of lack of refinement/etiquette on her part. It's like she has a one track mind, or a hidden agenda.
​
Often, when we are together with a bunch of people and having a conversation which bores her (one to which I'm clearly listening & contributing though), my mother will turn to me and completely change the subject.
​
The issue is, I'm paying attention to what someone a bit further away is saying! The table at the restaurant is talking about my family's new car? Well, she will ask me how my job is going. I despise this because it's a gateway for too many side conversations. I'm not saying there's no time and place for side conversations in large groups, it's just I feel she attempts to begin new conversation during moments that are uninteresting to her \*yet not necessarily moments which are uninteresting to me.\*
​
So I have been experimenting with tuning her out and sort of hinting with body language that I am engaged in another conversation right now. And unavailable. But in doing so I kind of feel like a jerk. We do live hours away right now and I know she misses me. But she has always done this, and I am not sure how else I should address it. Perhaps she will get the point if she is ignored every inopportune time she keeps trying to change the subject ? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
K9G65hKIAlUQ9Zfq6HRfZ4EMaogboXUT | alh42j | {
"description": "wanting to move out",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move out? | I'm 20 and I live with my parents, so I commute to college. It takes up to 4 hours everyday and it's so exhausting. But now.. A little backstory..
My parents have abused me, both physically and emotionally, up to this day. The physical abuse stopped around 2 years ago, but the emotional abuse is ongoing. I've ran away from home and moved out before, but my family were successful at manipulating me into thinking that they love me and that I'll be having a good life with them and thus made me move back home (very bad decision). Due to the ongoing abuse I got diagnosed with ptsd and have other mental issues. Even my counsellor advises me to move out and start fresh, but my family thinks it's a bad idea and get very angry at me for wanting to grow as a person. I tell them that I wanna be happy but they're saying that I'm just ruining things for them and that I should stop being selfish.
Now the issue here is: I told my parents about moving out and they got mad at me for being selfish and wanting something like that when they do so much for me. And that everyone gets tired and I'm not special and sometimes humans just have to accept their fate.
They say that I'm egotistical and horrible for wanting to move out since one of my 4 siblings has an illness and might get surgery for his knee and they need to focus on him and that I should help them and not take much space.
Moving out will be the start of my recovery and I really need this.. At 20, I'm still suffering for things that my parents put me through.
So.. AITA for wanting happiness for myself at the cost of not helping them out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aNvjxrXBvnVxxiEiRAayNaoS1ZaAnPh7 | b40mu6 | {
"description": "blocking sons father on sons phone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for blocking sons father on sons phone | Long story short, my son was living with his dad full time because his dad was a stay at home parent so I paid child support, insurance, and anything else my son wanted/needed outside of child support. A few months ago my sons dad pretty much abandoned my son at school (meaning he never went to pick him up and left out of state). I found out because I was at work and his dads girlfriend called me and said he just left.
Anyway, my son lives with me now and I do not want him ever going back with his dad. I've been asking my son if he talks to his dad and such and he says no. I found out today that they have been texting back and forth since his dad left. I am frustrated because my son had to adapt to a new school and I also found out his dad went back to live at the house he left. I want to block his dads number and I asked a few family members and they said I should, which I just did. Now I feel bad because they literally text everyday.
AITA? Should I unblock his dads number from my sons phone? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
oXf2wIyqdjUdOoTLL1oHp4Ej2Sta2xBE | azk5vy | {
"description": "being worried that my girlfriend gave her number out at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being worried that my girlfriend gave her number out at the gym? | She was telling me about guys that hit on her at the gym and she mentioned she gave one her number.
She said she was under the impression he was just trying to make friends. That is, until he texted her asking for lunch. She didn’t think this would bother me (and honestly that hurts the most). She never told him about me.
I explained how much it hurt me and she is being really understanding of that, but I brought it up after we talked about it and she got really upset with me.
AITA for being upset and worried? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I3QoPvaN5rHN4mkEFtLorhuhAIxJbqP1 | aw1k0j | {
"description": "getting mad at an autistic guy for telling me what I can do with my body",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for getting mad at an autistic guy for telling me what I can do with my body? | Ok so, I'm not a feminist, I am doing a school project on woman's rights in islam in 600 ad to 1600 ad.
I am a woman, and for woman rights, and I'm an atheist (It'll be semi-important in the story later on), high school, all that fun stuff.
I was asking my friend to hold something like you would a child, and then this guy, who is autistic, comes up to me and says "you should know, you'll be a mum one day", and I said "No, I don't like kids. Once I'm 18, I want to get fixed"(I'm very open on the fact that I don't like kids).
He then got mad and said "You shouldn't say that, you're a woman, you should have kids, and get married"
I said I disagree, and if you don't want them, then don't have them.
Then he proceeded to tell me how I'm not aloud to do that, then says "As a christian, I think your views are wrong, god will send you to hell. I'm going to change your ATHEIST VEIWS! You should stay at home with the kids, even if you don't want them"
I got really mad by this and said that I would triple his pay, get an abortion if I want, and stay marriage less my whole life, and be successful, child less.
I feel like I was being harsh since he is autistic, but I don't like it when people tell me what I can and can't do with my body | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
SglMZuJ9J3ScxTWwUX11pWuzw0Rnub1t | b918bh | {
"description": "living with my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for living with my grandmother? | Since January, I’ve been living with my grandparents and my aunt. I as with my dad for a couple months, but it ended in a choking incident and CPS so I opted to leave. Before that I lived with my mom and stepdad. My mom was emotionally and physically abusive as well even if we had some good moments.
My grandma is not abusive. She is, however, very controlling and neurotic.
At my grandmothers she is very easily freaked out, she bangs on my door if my shower is longer than 15 minutes, she goes on long rants about how I sometimes leave a cup on the table (for which I almost always apologize and clean it.) she’s very nagging.
Last week I was studying for my SAT and she burst open my door screaming about how my room wasn’t clean. I tried to explain I’d get to it after studying and she just kept screaming. I know this isn’t a me specific problem because she’s just like this in general.
There are times where she does rightfully get annoyed at me. I can be forgetful and leave dishes on the table, and she says she wants me to help out more although she seldom specifies what she means by that. I do usually do things when she asks though.
Sometimes I try and speak up for myself and say something but my aunt just jumps in and says how my parents never taught me respect or something. I’ve never raised my voice or cursed at my grandma. Yesterday I went to turn on the sink for me to wash dishes and she immediately went off on how I’m wasting water by turning the water on first. I gently said it was on for 3 seconds and she went on a rant.
I told her that I’m 17, and that I can do a lot of things for myself now and she told my aunt who went off on how I lack respect or how I always have to argue back. It got to the point where I just gave up and left the house. I returned maybe an hour later to cops being there due to her thinking I ran away.
Am I the asshole for trying to get my grandma off my back a little? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CysvB9u8LIPawyOJMDxprTzAn9mxPUSj | b9lkps | {
"description": "not giving a guy a ride",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving a guy a ride? | Last night at around 1am I went to a fast food place to get some dinner because I was up studying all night. I’m a 20 year old college student. While in line a guy knocked on my window I rolled it down and he asked for a ride to somewhere about 15min away. He was an older guy probably 50s and around 5’10ish maybe, I’m a pretty big guy 6’3 around 220. He seemed like a genuine guy but I have had many bad past experiences with helping out strangers and did not feel comfortable with a stranger in my car, especially at such a late hour. He was basically begging and I felt terrible, til one of the fast food employees had to run him off. I’ll also include that I love in a very sketchy college town with one of the highest crime rates in the state.
Fast forward to today and my girlfriend said I should have helped him and seemed kind of upset/disappointed. And I’m still thinking about it right now | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QJiMm2jkzsMu6X5o6cBX0KnhxeKWp5WK | aebawl | {
"description": "telling my wife's new boyfriend's girlfriend she is being cheated on",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my wife's new boyfriend's girlfriend she is being cheated on? | Recently my wife told me she wants a Divorce. In the state I am living in it take 90 days to complete.
Well, I found out she was emotionally involved with another man, and he has a girlfriend.
Well after a few weeks of debating and throwing the idea around, I decided to tell this girlfriend that her 4 year long boyfriend was cheating on her.
Im sure this is going to ruin my relationship with my soon to be ex-wife, but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
hKWdH84x3xEvbfLYiTyZzazYhcP1lAK8 | b10l4d | {
"description": "going through my girlfriend's phone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for going through my girlfriend's phone? | Long story short since I'm on mobile, my girlfriend and I have live together and have been together for about 6 months - about 3 months ago she started spending a hell of a lot of time with one of our mutual friends, who happened to be a close friend of mine I've known even before I met her. Being the laid-back and chilled out guy I am I just let it happen and didn't worry about much, until I noticed little 'signs' here and there; mainly her mostly ignoring me and spending almost all her free time at work around him (we work together as well) and hardly ever being at home so she could go out and get high with him and crash the night on his sofa, or so she said, and this went on for at least 2 months. I won't go into the details about what happened then but eventually my suspicions and anxiety got the better of me and I managed to find the chance to go through her phone without her knowing, and found out they had been sexting and having an affair behind my back the entire time, while lying to my face about it and denying it every time I brought it up. She had sent him countless nude photos of herself while constantly bitching about me and how she wanted to break up with me to get with him instead.
It's been a month since that incident and we're working things out now, I've decided to try and move past it since I believe everyone deserves a second chance but I don't know, I guess I need a second opinion from you guys. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
9u6IdHM2TlBjhHGXAIqOQoWVlPCihT3k | aiawtz | {
"description": "telling my so she's making excuses to skip gym",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my SO she's making excuses to skip gym? | So me and my SO have been together for just over a year, but we have known eachother for several years. 2 weeks ago, we were talking about our hobbies and what we could do, everyday and not get bored. I said video games, comics and conspiracy theories have always been my go to, and also making music. She said she's not been able to enjoy anything for a bit, because of the past relationships, work, uni, etc. This has made her pretty much bored of many things, but there was a time when she loved going to the gym.
After 40 minutes of me, giving an inspirational speech on how she needs to get back to her hobbies, or she's going to be miserable, she actually agrees with me and says she'll start to focus on herself more.To my surprise, the following morning she signed up.
We agreed we'll go together, that way we'll both make sure we're there to push eachother. The first session was the last one. She kept saying that her legs hurt, because she didn't stretch. So she skipped the next one. Then another. Same reason. Eventually, she started saying her boss needs her at work to sort something out. I wanted to say something, but I bit my tongue, in hopes she'll start going with me again.
Today, I've asked if she's going to join, but she said she wont be able to go, because its already noon and she needs to make sure the inventory is done at work, ( she's off for the next two days) to which I suggested that we could go later in the afternoon, around 3 or 4pm. She suddenly tells me that she doesn't know how long it'll be, and that I should stop being so pushy. I remind her that she's been making excuses for the past 2 weeks, ( we're both blunt, so that there is no misunderstanding ) and she goes off that I only want her to go because I don't like the way she looks, that way I'm shaping her into what I want. I decide to go on my own, and told her that I only mentioned it, because she was really up for going to the gym with me at first. Now she's telling me I never liked her and keeps telling me I want to leave her.
Now, just to clarify, I don't have a six pack, or a body of an athlete, I'm 6'1 and 15st, so I want to drop a few pounds, I like my SO the way she is, I just wanted to help.
So AITA for being honest?
EDIT: Missed a few words. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
i38ZQ4gM77RXbzzZ2mxy8g1XvosMCu2L | akzkgr | {
"description": "not moving out of the plane aisle for someone to get past",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for not moving out of the plane aisle for someone to get past? | So this happened a few months ago and I keep thinking back to it thinking I was an asshole, partner thinks I done nothing wrong so I want to know what you guys think.
It was the end of my holiday and I was pretty tired and quite sick of the whole travelling thing, flights/people/waiting/etc. Once we landed, people stood and waited for the doors to open, I usually sit during this part until the doors are actually open before I stand. We’re five people from the back of the plane near the toilet and this middle-aged guy near the front thinks now’s a good time to use it, he’s obviously having to pass everyone already standing up to get there. Pretty rude and annoying but if you gotta go, you gotta go right?
Now the doors open and people slowly begin to disembark (which is obviously normal at this stage) so I stand in the aisle and wait with everyone else. I then hear the “toilet man” making his way back up asking people to move as his stuff is “up the front” and he still had to get it out. He gets to me and asks me to move so I say no. He repeats that his stuff is up front and I reply “we’re all heading there too, man, so surely you can wait as well?” I’m not kidding, his response was “yeah but that will take ages” so I turned my back on him and put my arms on the chair shoulders so he couldn’t get past me.
Am I the asshole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
VLLmMiGKgoRzM2JQtKNpBW0ZELSWnTdG | auvkp1 | null | AITA for smoking? | Alright so as the title suggests, smoking has made me (f21) a liar. This is all regarding my relationship of 3 years with my boyfriend (m21).
We have an amazing relationship, we are both each other’s firsts. The entire existence of this relationship has been wonderful all but the last three months when my smoking habits started to increase.
For a little background: I was a goody two shoes growing up and the definition of a sheltered good girl.
Then I met my boyfriend who went to parties and was a full-on stoner . He introduced me to smoking.
Two years into our relationship I needed to make a change, and the job I wanted required me to be drug free with random drug testing throughout the year.
Unfortunately, the friends I had made while being with my boyfriend are also stoners and when we all hangout that’s pretty much the sole purpose of getting together which posed a problem for me. So my boyfriend suggested a vape to help with quitting while being around temptation. I normally used the vape, but being a huge blunt fan, I also started puffing on backwoods and other cigars as a change every now and then. Which he was okay with and liked the fact that at least I still enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends because of it.
Well months later, the vape became obsolete and I only smoked cigars. Which eventually turned into a pack of Djarum blacks and then about three months ago a pack of camels.
I switched to actual cigs because he started complaining that the cigars were worse for my health. Even though I smoked them mostly on the weekends.
Now that I’ve been buying packs of cigs the smoking has become a lot more frequent. And he has become a lot less tolerant.
He gets very mad when he finds out I smoke anything at all anymore and punishes me for it.
Which in turn has led me to start lying about the frequency in which I do so.
He has caught me lying a few times now and it causes us to fight a lot more than we ever used to. He says he doesn’t know how to trust me anymore. Which I can understand on a small level, but I also don’t understand because his suggestions (and ability to buy them for me way before I could) led to the addiction in the first place and I feel unfairly judged and punished for it.
Yes I have lied, and snuck it behind his back, and I also tell him that if he loves me it shouldn’t matter.
I get hurt/angry because he says if I keep smoking he will break up with me. In the beginning of our relationship I didn’t agree with smoking weed and I definitely didn’t agree with his dabbing tendencies but I still liked and loved him enough not to wound our relationship over something he enjoyed so much.
I have cut down on my smoking and have kept my promise of not buying any packs myself. Although in my field of work it is very easy to bum one or two off coworkers.
Am I the asshole for expecting him to get over it and love me even though (according to him) I haven’t made an effort to make him happy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
CI6W64mC60hekqzhQZs79f1VFIUad8dA | aur17g | {
"description": "wanting to leave our 8 year old with my parents for 2 hrs to attend a Kickboxing class my wife and I pay for (a bit on the expensive side) that we can only attend 2 times a week and today is one of those days. more in comments",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to leave our 8 year old with my parents for 2 hrs to attend a Kickboxing class my wife and I pay for (a bit on the expensive side) that we can only attend 2 times a week and today is one of those days. More in comments. | Key is that my daughter (8) threw up a bit around 11 pm last night and this morning said she was nauseous and her tummy hurt. So she stayed home.
Now my wife says my daughter said she’s better and is playing with her toys but wants to stay home and not go to my parents house.
These classes are a bit expensive and we were planning to go 4-5 times a week but so far for last two months we could only go about twice a week because of something always coming up. Work, friends, School etc.
If we don’t go today we will only be able to go Friday this week.
So I told my wife that if she’s (daughter) not sick anymore we can take her to my parents and my mom (she’s a cardiologist) can stay with her for a few hours. She can watch tv there and has some toys too.
My wife says she (daughter) doesn’t want to go and that she was sick yesterday and I need to be more understanding.
So it seems like we are missing today’s class because she doesn’t want to go to my parents house.
I don’t deny that she was sick yesterday. But I’ve caught my daughter claiming to be sick before to avoid doing some things and going to school and then miraculously was fine later to do fun things. So I was always of the mentality: no fever - no stay home. (Do a degree obviously)
When I was a kid my mom didn’t ask me if I “wanted” to go somewhere when she had to go she just told me and we went.
So this I’m visibly irritated and now my wife is pissed that I’m irritated by this... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ORt70VIsFT95i0hN6mbWtgZkw76WPVxt | b7v3b2 | {
"description": "refusing to re-join the what'sapp group my father create for his side of the family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I refuse to re-join the what'sapp group my father create for his side of the family? | ​
Bckg to this (TL;DR at the bottom): I'm Brazilian, my parents are divorced since I was five. My mom got full custody of me cause dad had a fase in which he was extra irresponsible, and when I was little, I used to visit him regularly, but as HS and College started to become more exigent and I wanted to keep good grades, my visits became way less frequent. til I badly see here once a month.
As a result, I'm not very close to him and his side of the family, and I think it's reciprocal. I'm left leaning and have a VISCERAL hatred for any kind of injustice or inhumane treatment - our country had an awful time with years of horrible right-wing dictatorship.
Now u may be asking: k, this sucks, but what does this have to do with the family group?
Well, my father's family happens to be right-wing. Whenever the topic of politics come up, heated discussions r bound to happen. When dad created the group, he asked everyone to avoid the politics topic, but it didn't take long before the right-wing, anti-left and sometimes plain dictatorship apologist stuff started pouring here and there. I tried to ignored, but eventually started posting some facts to counter.
He messaged me privately to ask that I stop talking bout politics to avoid fights, I replied that I'd stop as long as everyone else did the same. He argued that their posts weren't only political, but also humorous. I started posting leftist memes and comedy videos and it didn't take long before my aunt complained. Discussion ensued, and I got positively surprised when Dad took my side, but the joy was short lived.
He asked me to stop posting any politics related content in the group, and I argued that I was posting jokes like everyone else, but he said ppl were uncomfortable and that I should either ignore the bs or leave.
I left. Then he told me that I didn’t have to leave the group, only stop talking bout politics, and that I should just stay and ignore stuff I don’t like, that this only proves that unlike the ppl I accuse of being intolerant I can’t live with adversity and yadda yadda.
I replied firmly that the rules should apply to everyone equally, and that he either put the foot down and tell them to stop posting things attacking the left and its politicians, either tell them to accept when I counter with my posts.
Then today he told me that ppl want me back in the group.
WIBTA if I refuse?
TL,DR: My dad created a family group on what'sapp. His side of the family is right-wing leaning and I'm leftist, so he asked people to avoid the topic of politics. They ignored his request and made posts attacking the left, then complained when I started countering their posts. When I argued that the rules should be the same and apply equally to everyone, my father asked me to either ignore their posts or leave. I left. Now they want me back in the group. WIBTA for saying "hell no"?
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Fb9NcdEXuuDSUAe3VKiEstWynuYeI6Va | ait3f8 | {
"description": "not wanting to continue playing a game while I was logging out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to continue playing a game while I was logging out? | So, this happened just a few minutes ago. I was playing Warframe with another player, and we teamed up to do some missions. Throughout the game, he sat around and messaged me while I was doing all the hard work. When I told him I was going off for a while to handle some business, he started up a mission. I kept pressing the mission denial button because I was logging off, but he kept doing it. He then messaged me to get me to stop telling him "No." When I continued to press the denial button, he told me that he would unfriend me and never speak with me again. Am I The Asshole for doing that instead of continuing to play with him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UKFbMetegDOciFBP3MupXNgLrMlNLfCK | aj7rfb | {
"description": "refusing to not allow my girlfriend over to my place",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to not allow my girlfriend over to my place. | So let me give some background, my friend of 10 years who lived in another state is going to be kicked out of the house he lives in, I invited him and his wife to come live with me as a roommate and I would get him a job.
Skip 2 months and we are now renting a house together, at first everything was great but then I got back together with my ex. Things started to go downhill from here. Me and my girlfriend are night owls, my friend and his wife have semi regular sleep schedules.
My friend says he doesn't like conflict which made this situation much worse then it had to be in my mind. Basically to him me and my girlfriend would keep him up all the time for over 3 months, his idea of telling me we're literally ruining their sleep is telling me once every week or so that we are being a little loud can we tone it down (which whenever he would tell us we would).
The whole situation didn't truly become apparent to me until the last month where he asked me if we could talk, and he lays it on me that every time my girlfriend is over it is keeping him and his wife up and that he thinks that my girlfriend is literally doing all these things on purpose, these things range from laughing in my room with me or closing the bathroom door too loudly.
So with me finally realizing how much this is bothering them I tell him I'll try and fix it. I go and buy some sound dampening foam to put on my door and tell my girlfriend to try and be quieter when going into the bathroom, after I get it all installed the morning after my girlfriend slept over I ask him whether or not the foam is helping, he tells me yes. Week later I ask the same thing, again he says yes. (Figure I should probably include this, my girlfriend would be at our place less than 48 hours).
At this point I'm like awesome things are fixed 2 weeks later he wants another chat. He just unloads a ton of complaints at my feet. I kid you not he wrote a list.
1. Him and his wife are still being woken up. (He lied about the foam working because he didn't want to deal with conflict)
2. My girlfriend has purposely been putting her shoes on top of his shoes to annoy him. Not to mention he says she stabbed his new pair of work shoes which he needs as a CNA (My girlfriend doesn't even bitch about when her co-workers and manager leave their duties unfinished so she has to do them)
3. He utterly hates my girlfriend because he thinks she's purposely doing this stuff and she's extremely rude because when he says hi towards me he thinks my girlfriend should take that as him saying hi to her as well and she should respond back.
4. He also believes I am helping her "torture" them (his words) because when I was away visiting my mom with a different time zone I forgot what time it was at the house and woke them up with a Merry Christmas text.
At this point he tells me I should no longer bring my girlfriend over not even during the day because we disturb his rest/study time. In my mind I'm trying to think of what to do because telling me to ban my girlfriend from my place won't work because she still lives with her parents and her father won't let me sleep over. I finally get to the point where I say ok well at least let me try buying a heavier door or something to help with the sound, he refuses and says he doesn't want her over here anymore period.
At this point only thing I can see working is one of us moves out, I get in contact with a friend who is friends with both of us and he asks if I want him to try to mediate the issue, I tell him sure.
Anyway to cut this short because it's just going over everything already in the story mediator friend recommends I get a new door and frame, put a white noise generator like a fountain and put it in my hallway I agree to it and my roommate refuses the attempt at a solution and says the easiest solution is my girlfriend no longer comes over and that's what we should do.
TLDR: Friend thinks girlfriend and me are purposely keeping me and his wife up and refuses to try any solution except for banning my girlfriend from the house.
I know it was a long read but thanks for the feedback regardless. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
OGZDVuz8lzMMmKKzjaUEpJzc3xlFxa65 | asjiu1 | {
"description": "not wanting to sing in front of my church",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to sing in front of my church? | So my church makes us do these dances every sunday. I have always hated them, but i still do them because they're required.
They sent home a video that was full of singing and actions, and my mom asked to watch me do it.....
I said okay, and she kept criticizing everything i did.
Things like "you're not moving enough etc" So i calmly told her that it was a pretty cramped space so i wouldn't need to be moving as much.
She got pretty angry at me saying stuff like "Why are you questioning the power of god!?!?" and "This is how you're supposed to do it, its so easy, just follow the instructions!"
I am an atheist, but my mom doesn't know this because she is VERY serious about christianity......
So i continued to do this for a while and eventually she said we're going to practice even more tomorrow.
I said the song was rather cringey and i didnt want to do this, and stormed off.
I just wanted to relax and have a nice day off school. (snow day)
So AITA for not wanting to sing something in front of the whole church?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Pp6Y0FFOi5gLuvCSPepD9lBGbGVsnoCC | as92j2 | {
"description": "keeping some of my roommates money when she moves",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I kept some of my roommates money when she moves? | I live with three other roommates. One of them hasn't lived here as long as the other two, and is moving out in next week. (She wants to live closer to her school, which is fair) Also sorry for my bad English in advance.
When she moved in she paid a security deposit, which I think is fairly normal, and of course she's going to get some of it back when she moves. She has broken some things while living here, and she's put of shelves with us etc. and of course we're taking some money for those things, so we're not footing all of the bill alone. (The rest of us are moving out soon as well, so we're not getting a new roommate.)
So here's the question: Would I be an asshole for taking some money from the security deposit for some of the alcohol and food she's used while living here as well?
We have a small bar in the kitchen, which was here before she moved in, with quite a lot of alcohol. The rule has always been to buy a new bottle when you empty one, and also to maybe add a few if you decide to throw a part in the house. She was made aware of this rule when she moved in, and she also said it was fair. A few months later one of my other roommates looked through the bar, because she's cleaning it, and sees that most of the bottles are empty (we're talking 1-2 shots left in some of the bottles, and most the them were more than half full last time any of us checked) And we're 100% certain it was her who used them, because the few that were missing were in her room (empty) So we confronted her about it (and she lied and said she hadn't drunk any alcohol) and in the end she ended up replacing one of them, because it wasn't ours but a friend's, the rest of them are still in the bar, and she hasn't replaced any.
As for the food: We have been very chill about sharing (which apparently has been a mistake) and almost the same rule with ''empty something - buy a new one'' with the added ''use common sense when looking in the fridge''. Now... we usually just buy what we need for ourselves, and if it's something we share (bread, cheese, butter, milk, pasta etc.) we replace it if it's empty, or buy some for ourselves if we need a lot of if. Sometimes I have woken up to an almost empty fridge with no milk for my cereal etc. etc. And when Christmas hit it got really bad. I was only eating celery for some reason, with honey and soy sauce, and two of my roommates were away, so I was home alone with her, and the kitchen slowly became more and more empty as the days passed by - which is fine of course, but when January hit none of it had been replaced. I also spent 54 EUR on milk in January because I could buy 3L and half of that would be gone the next morning. My other roommates have started buying rice milk and almond milk instead because of this. We have tried talking to her, but she straight up lies or won't admit it's her.
So would I be an asshole if I compensated some of the stuff she should have bought herself with the security deposit? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
iMSIbMTfQUWWGOCQJKcptsL7y49q4wuW | ag2eok | {
"description": "telling my best friend that his wife is ruining his life",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA since I told my best friend that his wife is ruining his life? | Doing this from Mobile, sorry in advance for horrible grammar or layout.
Some background, my best friend (we'll call him Jack) and I have known each other going on 9 years now. We always hung out in high school and got into all sorts of shenanigans and even to this day we always keep in contact with each other and one of us will travel for the holidays to meet up again and hang out.
Now then, a year ago, Jack meets this girl through a mutual friend who decides to hook them up. At first meet, she was a pretty chill and relaxed person despite some heavy family problems happening at that time. Eventually she decided to leave her parents home and move in with Jack and his parents to escape the problems. Fast forward a few months and they get married. I travelled down to where they were to be the best man and everything was pretty good and no problems arose. Over time though I noticed we would talk less and less and he barely ever wanted to do things like play games online or etc. I understood, he finally is starting a new life and works all the time. For the holidays, my wife and myself decided to go visit everyone. This is when I started to notice problems around their house. Due to college for her and work for him, they still live with his parents. His parents are basically like a second family to me and ha e always treated me like their other son, so I end up sitting with his Dad late one night on their porch over a drink and he begins to tell me how horrible Jack's wife is. Things like she always has to be almost connected at the hip with him no matter what, she always complains about everything that his parents say to her, she spends all of her time on her phone trash talking about all her "friends," she leaves trash everywhere and is all around disgusting, and his parents always have to clean up. The whole time though Jack just defends her and "calls his parents out on their bullshit." I was dumbfounded because this didnt sound like Jack at all. Until I saw an example with my own eyes.
His wife, (Janet), decided on a whim to bring home a stray cat and told his parents that she was keeping it in the house. They protested as much as they could before she completely lost her shit and shut herself in their room with Jack in tow. What she didnt realize was how thin the walls were as we could hear her complaining about how they treat her like shit and she never has any privacy and is bawling her eyes out. Immediately, Jack comes out and says they're leaving and shuts the door again. In about 10 minutes, they've packed up all their belongings and are leaving but not before Jack calls both his parents cunts and blaming them for making her feel like shit. After another awkward couple of days spending time with his parents we left and made it back home where I decided to try and get ahold of Jack to see how he was holding up. To my surprise he didnt give a shit about his parents and what he said to them and is glad that nobody talks to his wife like that anymore. I told him straight up that that is kind of messed up and that they only wanted her to act like a decent human being i.e. clean up after herself like an adult, stop hanging out with high schoolers, partying and stop raising hell when she doesnt get her way. He immediately accused me of being a dick and said that he thought my wife was a bitch. It took everything in my power to not completely lose it but all I could get out was that his wife was causing him to be an asshole and ruining his life by making him into someone he isn't. Needless to say he was furious and now wont talk to me or his family anymore. AITA for saying what I thought was the truth?
tl;dr Best friend's wife is nasty, mean and a spoiled brat and has caused him to become a different person to the point of not talking to me or his own family and I called him out on it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
oRm6Qhk9Lz7bzzv7F2ulMiUMGYhjmVGf | 9x98sy | {
"description": "not donating to my friends' fundraisers",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not donating to my friends' fundraisers? | You know the type. The friend who runs a 5k for the children's hospital. The friend who bikes 50 miles for breast cancer research. The friend who is part of some volunteering social club.
I work hard for every dollar. AITA for not wanting to part with any of it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MGRSq8racmk7Yn8ZhFLiPH4lRWY6ENy2 | b0i6o6 | {
"description": "not helping the telecom guy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not helping the telecom guy? | The biggest telecom company in my area contracts out repair work to small firms whose workers identify themselves as working on behalf of the main company. It had snowed 12 inches over a couple of weeks and a neighbour had problems with their phone line so one of these workers came to fix it. The nearest box where the cables are linked underground is on my lawn. I knew exactly where it was located even though it was under about a feet of snow + ice.
The repairman rang my doorbell holding a shovel and just immediately started talking about asking me where to dig to find this box. I knew what he was talking about but played dumb because I was tired of how unprofessional and lazy these workers have been in our neighborhood. Simply identifying himself as an employee of X company here to do X job and say why he was seeking my assistance to do his job would have been suffice. I didn't want to do his job for him so I lied and said I didn't know what he was looking for.
He then ended up spending an hour in the cold looking + digging different piles of snow/ice before finally finding the box. The whole time he was digging he was lifting a snowball's size worth of snow each time he shovelled and was working really lazily as if he didn't want to be there. When he found the box, it was sealed shut due to ice and he had to go back to the house he was working at to borrow hot water to melt it. After he left I saw he had dug up some of the grass in my lawn too.
AITA for not just telling him where it was in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
uFF1CDhS7gZmfQLn5G7S6SFs0xfATp5r | atpcwc | {
"description": "using the handicapped stall when the bathroom was empty",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using the handicapped stall when the bathroom was empty? | This has bugged me for years. I worked in a corporate office. One of the paralegals there had some health issues (used a cane). She was also enormous. Bottom line, she needed to use the handicapped stall. Fair enough - - bathroom is 4 stalls, I never used it.
Except that one day. I was alone in the bathroom, in my regular stall, and discovered I had a little monthly visitor and no mitigation apparatus. So, I fished through my purse for quarters, put some toilet paper in place, and quickly sprinted over to the Cotton Apparatus Dispenser and dialed up a solution.
Seeing as how I was only half zipped and in distress, I ducked into the handicapped stall to insert said apparatus. You guessed in - - in the literally 30 seconds I was in there, she showed up and started yelling at me that I was thoughtless and entitled. There was no room to interject "30 seconds" or "emergency" or "you weren't even here."
Am I the asshole? Is it never allowable to use that stall if you are not disabled? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6z5Is2wrXucpMpf2lRTlWDR4zlY6SLIe | aum4is | {
"description": "greifing the server owners base",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for greifing the server owners base? | First post here by the way, and I rarely use reddit, so here comes a crappy post.
So our little discord group has a minecraft realm that the discord owner pays for and plays on. I usually play minecraft with a hacked client for some features vanilla doesnt have. The owner doesnt like this.
This is where the problem is.
I used my hacks only once in a meaningful way while I was there. I used the fly hack to game end myself because /kill doesnt work. I was threatened a ban if I hacked again, and I explained I only used the hack to game end myself, and everything else was vanilla. Heres where the double standard is.
The owner abuses admin, and spawns in command blocks, dupes all the time, and is always cheating things in. I dont like his actions, so, I grief his base. I lavacasted the whole thing. Next day I'm banned from the realm. I deserved it and expected it.
Heres where it gets down.
Next day I get on discord, several members that were in the realm start attacking me over chat, telling me im worthless and should leave the server, and what I did was wrong even though the owner was cheating I shouldnt have griefed his base because he was the owner. They also told me Im a bad person for using cheats (I had them, never used them, idk their point) and how the realm isnt mine and how I should always respect the owner even if he is cheating.
Im not sure if I was right to grief his base for having a double standard of him cheating, but then threatening to ban me for cheating. AITA for the grief, and do I deserve the attacks over chat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
05FoimwtkiiPsFQKCFAnOuYA2fYvzV68 | b7djcc | {
"description": "quitting my group",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I quit my group? | So I’m in a quartet of high schoolers that formed spring of last year. I was actually invited to join them, as a former member had just quit and they needed another for some competitions they were planning. I was never supposed to be a permanent member, but because we won all the competitions, parents decided to keep it going into the following fall semester. The four of us were all going to be seniors, so I was a little hesitant to continue, knowing that college apps, and classes were going to take up a lot of time.
Fast forward to now, I’m very heavily considering just quitting the group altogether because of the flakiness in some members.
For example:
The entire quartet would agree on coming in an hour early to work on our pieces. However, half of the quartet didn’t show up, and I was left wasting an hour of my time.
The same half would also often come to rehearsal late (~15 mins)
The same half would come to a performance with only ten minutes to warm up, when we all agreed to have an hour.
Rehearsals not led by a coach would be unproductive.
I have tried talking not only with the members, but to the parents themselves, but have seen no improvement of being on time.
I can’t be mad at any of the members, because it would ruin the entire rehearsal (quartets are all about communication)
Ive talked about quitting numerous times with my mom, citing the blatant disrespect, and the amount of time wasted on my weekends (~3 hours), but she thinks it would be an asshole move, considering I already agreed to commit last fall, and we have performances planned. As much as I understand my mom, I can’t help but still feel justified, considering I didn’t know about the flakiness last fall.
I definitely will consider just gritting my teeth through the rest f the semester, but WIBTA if I decided to quit?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EK5sczXerLTk8wLbsQkq9cXmeYuvXVg8 | apfzi7 | {
"description": "not telling my friend that she smells really bad",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for not telling my friend that she smells really bad? | I met my friend 6 months ago and we’ve been hanging everyday day at school since then, i didn’t notice her smell at first, but she has a really strong BO odor.
I have heard people talking bad about her because of that and i haven’t told my friend because it’s really embarrasing.
Aita for not telling her that she smells really bad and people talk about her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 5
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 20
} | RIGHT |
Xb5hdZQAZsePijZYjFtu1fDIvMMvXgS1 | b7cd51 | {
"description": "convincing my husband to move an hour away from his parents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for convincing my husband to move an hour away from his parents? | We moved back in to help with their health issues and to take care of them. They own a good bit of property they want us to move a trailer beside their house. None of us want that including the kids. Their health is great now and were going on two years of living with them. We want to buy a house closer to his work. His mom is so controlling and conviced him he's got all these problems. Like bipolar and depressed. He is somewhat deppressed because of how his mom treats us. She can be flat out awful at times.
Our kids cant be too loud. They cant play im main rooms either. She has such weird specific rules that change constantly. I keep the whole house clean apart from their bedroom. And i really have no issue doing so because we live here. What i dont appreciate is being told "you have to do this now, on this day." She no longer helps. Not because she isnt capable, but because she knows I'm a pushover.
We do help pay bills, and buy groceries. Im ready to leave. I hate it here and im miserable. My family is too, but my husband worried they will be too deppressed when we leave because that's all his mom talks about. How she will be because we wont be here to take care of her. But that's not the case. When its just her and myself. Shes all for it. Shes ready to be alone with her husband.
So Im trying to convince him this will be good for us. That they will be fine. Were financially stable we can do it. I know he loves them but its time to move on. Am I really the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Jn2nzKwVaiGrtNhYncRPYFw6exlJPK2M | am3bjw | {
"description": "considering breaking up with my girlfriend for considering having sex with others for financial benefit",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for considering breaking up with my girlfriend for considering having sex with others for financial benefit? | My girlfriend and I haven’t been together very long. We’ve probably been pursuing our relationship for about 3 months now.
Recently, I lost my job, (I was never necessarily financially supporting my gf anyways) & she works at the job that I once did. They are cutting back on hours and due to my girlfriend’s expenses (Rent, Childcare for her daughter, other bills) my girlfriend has been completely and understandably flustered about what she is going to do as far as money, and the possibility of losing her place if she is unable to pay rent at any time in the near future. She has been stressing over finances for quite some time now, and if I could help, I certainly would but now considering I’m jobless, that’s not an option.
This morning we discussed the idea of her getting a roommate to help out with rent (one of the people she considered is an ex). This sparked a minor altercation between us, but she insists she only considered it because she knows her ex would certainly give her the money that’s needed & help with her daughter when needed.
About 30 mins ago she called and asked what I thought of the idea of her having sex with men for money. To say I was upset was an understatement. I explained to her that if she wanted to do that or felt that she needed to, she could, but we would have to break up because I’m not okay with that. She expressed that she expected me to be more supportive, but also in the same breath apparently changed her mind and said that it isn’t worth it if she loses me.
We’re going to talk more about the topic on her lunch break shortly, but right now I feel as though I’m in a frenzied state of mind. I would hate to do it, but I’m considering just calling it quits because of this conversation. I understand the financial situation that she is in, but there are so many other ways to get money and the fact that she felt like it was even okay to ask me if that would be okay is bothering me, deeply.
Also, considering I’m currently jobless, I feel almost worthless so I feel almost just like a hindrance to her anyways. I feel as though if she feels she needs the money that bad that she has to have sex with random men for it, then she should do what she feels she has to but I absolutely refuse to deal with that, personally.
Am I the asshole for considering a break up for this reason? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
uysMxszSlEndqOOL7SlgtgTtOduNRarJ | a39b13 | {
"description": "playing Devils advocate with my grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for playing Devils advocate with my grandfather? | To give some background, I'm from Texas. The majority of my family was born and raised southern Baptist. In other words, judgemental, entitled assholes. I, on the other hand, was raised to believe it is God's job to judge, not mine, and to love and treat all people equally. Even the days I hate people, I hate them all equally.
I really love my family, don't get me wrong, but they basically worship D. Trump. I could stop there and many would understand, but it is so much more than that. They preach the bible, peace, love, etc. but they hate so many.
My grandfather specifically, usually a relatively open, cool-headed man, WENT OFF today on how the democrats are the problem with the government, and the republican party is totally innocent. He insinuated its okay Trump is still president after the shit he has said and done because Melania is "keeping him in check."
I'm sure my position on politics is obvious having given this description, but I can always have a civilized, meaningful conversation with a level-headed person of the opposite political party, he was just irate and being irrational.
The worst part was when he was describing how Obama was the worst president in the history of the world, Fox news is the least bias news station and tells nothing but the truth, some liberal "black congressman is the devil" (his words) and the democrats are responsible for ALL of the violence.
At this point I'm infuriated but I'm keeping my cool. So I mention racism and prejudice in our country and he LOSES IT.
I TRIED to ask about his thoughts on the COUNTLESS unprovoked shootings and killing of African Americans. Before I could explain I was referring to law enforcement specifically in this situation, he interrupted with "Trump IS NOT PREJUDICE, TRUMP HAS DONE MORE FOR BLACK PEOPLE THAN OBAMA EVER DID." He gets louder and his face turns red.
To be clear, I never said Trump was racist or prejudice. I just wanted to ask what he thought about the violence committed by government officials.
Then he brings up Hillary. Oh fuck, here we go again.
To calm the situation down I tried to move on by telling him he was raising his blood pressure (serious medical issue for him) and that I'm just trying to see it from both sides. He made some snippy comment about how I TRY (insinuating I'm not very good at it).
Before he left, he looked me right in the eyes and told me very sternly to keep my eyes open. This is the man also preaching the apocalypse is near. Like very near. (May or may not be relevant).
To be honest, I think he may be getting early onset dementia and that is the cause for his paranoia and temperament, but I'm not qualified to make that diagnosis.
What I want to know is am I the asshole for pushing his buttons? Or even discussing the topic at all?
It has never been an issue in the past but now I'm really concerned he is truly this ignorant, judgmental person.
Or maybe I'm the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
UnTgUGWnpRnxPf0VwCZvv3YnpSgy7dvc | as4a1h | {
"description": "cutting off my old friend from high school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut off my old friend from high school? | Backstory: Her and I just graduated in June. We were best friends all throughout high school, but definitely got in our fair share of fights that would prevent us from speaking for a month or two at a time. This was largely due to the guy she’s dating. He’s manipulative and controlling (tells her wheat to wear, gets mad at her when we hang out, etc).
He’s enlisted in the army. This past summer, he was at AIT. That entire summer, despite him being gone, I only saw my friend once. I tried making plans, but she was understandably busy with going to college and everything. However, I haven’t seen her since August even though she’s been home just about every other weekend.
Her boyfriend is being deployed in April, but she’s known this since last August. He won’t be home until December. Her excuse for not seeing me is that she wants to see him as much as possible before he leaves, but I’m just getting sick of it. I feel like I only matter if there’s nothing else to care about.
Would I be the asshole if I cut her off? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9UFMDeG1kUMSKNv8UtQMZFl7ib0hYPdI | axp6sq | {
"description": "telling my student to consider a nose job and losing some weight",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | WIBTA if I told my student to consider a nose job and losing some weight.. | I’m an acting coach and I have a student who’s 16 and very talented. I’ve put her up for quite a few jobs which she hasn’t booked. I’ve had feedback to say her look just wasn’t right. Now as most people will know this industry is quite shallow. Sure there’s jobs for not so good looking people but the better looking you are the more opportunities you’re going to get. My student has quite a large nose with a bump in it and is slightly overweight. I feel like if she fixed these things she’d have a way better chance in the industry. I know this is awful, but it’s just the way it is and I want her to succeed. I really don’t want to damage this girls self esteem though.
WIBTA if I mentioned theses things to her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 37
} | WRONG |
JutmujJF4mlt9zJvAvLW1Uo5rKhx7bYe | akibrt | {
"description": "getting angry at my dad for eating my dinner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting angry at my dad for eating my dinner? | This happened about a month ago and we are over it but still believe we are both in the right.
So during the summer my parents go down to their beach house a lot with my dad coming back for a few days every couple of weeks. During his time back home he never cooks or makes anything beyond maybe a sandwich because my mums not home to cook the meals. Alot of his 'meals' also come from food I buy, like avocado, bread, eggs etc which I do not mind him eating at all, I buy them to just stock up the fridge with food for communal reasons.
I on the other hand do cook my meals, and usually enough for about 3 full meals which I happily share with my dad or my sister if they would want any. One particular meal I made was a really nice healthy chicken salad (empasis on the healthy, I had just found out I have a rare type of diabetes a week prior with my parents accompanying me to learn about diet and injecting insulin) and shared it for dinner with my dad, putting the last of it wrapped up in the fridge for when I return home after work the next day at 9:30pm.
When i did return home with much anticipation to eat, the salad had been eaten by my dad. I was upset and I told him I had saved that for me because there was quite literally nothing else to eat in the house. I said I wouldnt have mind if he ate it if there was food left for me to cook or if he had messaged me so I could grab some stuff on the way home, but instead I get left with a completely empty fridge with no food.
In turn he gets angry at me for being ungrateful, I'm in his house, my mums always cooking me food. He never gets angry when I eat leftovers. He then just tells me to order uber eats and goes to bed. I end up having a choice of pizza, burgers or kebabs.
I'm a little at a loss, because maybe I am being an ungrateful shit and shouldve just took a quick hit.
Thanks!
Tldr; make a healthy dinner for my newly diagnosed 1.5 diabetes to eat after I get home from work at 930, dad eats it knowing we have literally no other food in the house, gets mad at me for being upset by that | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QB77FsCvvJJSTc60KLNp55xCHpBdI2Xv | ai4xxr | {
"description": "not waiting on customer who took over an hour to get here and gave the order to someone else",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not waiting on customer who took over an hour to get here and gave the order to someone else? | Okay so I was selling something on Facebook market place. I get them every month so I constantly sell them, well I was under 100 left today and this chick hits me up says where can I pick up, I give her the address she says on her way, about 30 minutes later I messaged her and asked if she was close. She read my message but no reply. My experience on the market when people do this they’re not coming. I get blown off by people all the time. So I’m use to this behavior, 15 minutes go by and a guy hits me up wanting to buy the rest so we agree. I marked the product as sold and he picked up at my house.
He said it was gonna be a 20 min drive. About 5 minutes till he’s here the girl messaged me saying “I’m here” and I said sorry sold already you never messaged me back. There was no communication what so ever so I felt no need to keep your order. She goes on and says I’m whack for wasting her time, but like why should I wait on someone who doesn’t reply? They’re coming to buy 1 when another person who’s prompt wants to buy the rest. She messaged me like 10 mins after I marked as sold.
She went onto calling me an asshole and that her drive was from a suburb, the way she did it made me seem she was using it as somewhere far from my address. When I plug her suburb into my phone I’m 11 minutes from it. She took over 1 hour. I offered her 10 at same price and I’ll even drop off next time and she went on talking shit. But honestly I don’t see what I did wrong. If I did help me see it. So AITA or what. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZtJZE4vP4iqa1KUmVnHUYEGr6u5dCH1I | atw3ov | {
"description": "ending my relationship because gf uninvited me to a trip because there would be a lot of her high school and college friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I end my relationship because gf uninvited me to a trip because there would be a lot of her High school and college friends. | As Valentine's day gift my girlfriend told me that she would pay for the two to go to a trip with various activities.
Later she told me that said trip was planned and organized by one of her college professor for his class, but attendance was optional.
The trip is a little bit expensive but and I was telling her how we could do a better, more personalized trip with different places and same activities with the money that her class was charging her for the two, but she told me that it was late because she compromised in going.
She confessed that she wanted to go alone because they are going a ton of her friends to the trip and she doesn't want them asking question "about us", but if I wanted to go she will go with me.
So basically she prefers to go alone that going with me (this was really hurtful) I told her that I was going to think about it because in the end I want her to enjoy the trip.
The main activity in the trip needs two people to get done, I ask her that if I don't go , who would be her partner, she said that she already talk with someone from her class in case I don't go.
I was thinking in letting her choose if she wants me to go then I will go, but if she wants to go alone thats what she have to do and enjoy the trip as much as she can.
If she choose to go alone, I won't say anything that could spoil her trip, but after she is back at home I would tell her that maybe we should end our relationship.
She is 20. I'm 23. I'm her first boyfriend, we are discret about our relationship and she is really shy too. Almost 1 year together.
What do you think guys WIBTA? What should I do?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wSkj4vZ7D3Zb95GDsxdbup18wt6cJUpb | as7mos | {
"description": "not telling her I was unknowingly the other woman while they were on a break",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not telling her I was unknowingly the other woman while they were on a break? | I (a college student) recently met someone I have many mutual friends with, and I thought he was extremely attractive. We hooked up on two separate weekends, and we both said we really would like to get to know each other better, so it seemed like more than physical at least from my side. Later he tells me he didn’t mean for things to go so far, and that he is “on a break” with a girl. He acts very regretful and somewhat shameful, but says we should keep hanging out. The relationship is scheduled to restart this week. I also just found out that he previously cheated on his high school girlfriend at the beginning of college.
We have a lot of friends in common and I don’t want to ruin possible tight friendships of his. I have never spoken to the girl, AITA for not telling her?
Note: this is ongoing so I still have the choice | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ccKgEDtRfKGqUqtX8dyITv3vjDhHMHLO | anuoij | {
"description": "not inviting my best friend to my party because I know he will get drunk and make himself an extra responsibility for me during the whole night",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not inviting my best friend to my party because i know he will get drunk and make himself an extra responsibility for me during the whole night. | Every time i try to host something and I invite him he always gets drunk and ruins the night for me and sometimes for others too. And now I feel terrible for not inviting him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zYr8sKaqCQYO5kEXF5boqQ8PwNQImg5Y | b4zeg9 | {
"description": "telling coworkers not to thank the president of the company because he didn't do anything",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for telling coworkers not to thank the president of the company because he didn't do anything | So I'm a contractor at a chemical plant in the South and our contact (CC) (the chemical plant guy that controls our contract) says that if we make it to xxx days without an injury he would pay for everyone to eat (cooking BBQ at work). So xxx day comes and a week or so later our CC says ok great job guys, next week Thursday (our Friday) we're cooking burgers, it's perfect time because your company president (CP) will be in town.
So the fateful day comes, CC pays for all of the food, all of the prep stuff we need, drinks, etc and the bigwigs cook while us peons are out working. Lunch time comes and everyone is eating. To set the scene, it's me, two otger coworkers and CP in the room (CP has not paid for ANY of the food or contributed in any way).
CP is acting like he did all of this for us, etc. and one of my coworkers days "thank you." Now... I'm not one to hold my tongue and it's costed me promotions in the past, but right is right even if you don't like it and in my infinite wisdom I ask "why are you thanking him? He didn't do anything we're the ones that worked safe, he's only here to eat." I didn't see his face after this because honestly didn't give a shit, but from what I heard the next day his face was red as he walked out of the room.
Am I an asshole for refusing to let him get the thanks when he didn't do anything? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
srLzzUpK9cnSZPINVzqeS0kxM4vzVxOM | as4syh | {
"description": "playing my music fairly loudly in my car",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for playing my music fairly loudly in my car? | I really like music, and whenever I’m driving I tend to play it at a relatively loud volume. Loud enough to hear it from the sidewalk while I’m waiting at a red light and clearly make out the lyrics, but not loud enough to hurt anyone’s ears. The music ranges from alt rock to the occasional hardcore EDM, so nothing too obscene. I feel like sometimes people may be annoyed at this, so AITA for playing loud music? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
SVGtOIyHhTJ9ErkgMM5yURFErZ6bb76N | axk7m0 | {
"description": "refusing sex with my husband because he has stank breath",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing sex with my husband because he has stank breath? | I know, I know the title sounds horrid, but I want you to hear me out first.
TL:DR at bottom.
So my loving husband has recently (I assume because of a new cavity) started having some really horrible breath. Typically I can deal with bad smells, but this is just horrid. This is been going on for over a month (dentist trip isnt an option at the moment we are down on funds), and I just can't cuddle him his breath is too bad, I dont want to kiss him because he sometimes breathes near my face, and lately during missionary he breathes so heavy over my body its awful.
I began avoiding making out (which he loves) and just saying I had a headache or such as not to hurt his feelings, but when it came to sex I had to say something. Afterwards I told him his breath is just too bad. He says he doesnt think it's that bad and that he could brush his teeth before we kiss and such. We tried this and it was like kissing a mint coated trash can. I don't know why it's so bad.
He took it really well and began brushing his teeth more but it's still horrible. We have been married for a year and together for 3. This has never been a problem.
I keep avoiding these close interactions because it's so bad. He says I'm being overdramatic. I can't help to think, am I the asshole? I mean he IS trying to fix it, but it's so bad.
TL:DR- My husband I have been with for 3 years's breath started to be rancid and I stop close interactions and sex. He tries to make his breath stop being so bad yet it's still horrible and I refuse any close interactions still
Am I the asshole?
Also, to note he is not mean to me in any sort of way, aggressive, or such. He just simply is annoyed and said I'm 'overdramtic'. He is not aggressive when I say no to sex nor does he try to force me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mtV78i8927NNieFhnS6OawrWhm9tU4Yr | aatcsm | {
"description": "pushing a guy into the pool",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for pushing a guy into the pool? | So I was at the pool over the summer with lots of my family cause we just wanted to chill. So everyone else was swimming or whatever, and I was waiting in line to jump off the diving board, and this guy was taking forever. He was being a chicken and wouldn’t jump off. I got really impatient and I went and pushed him off the board and he belly flopped into the pool. Like I think he wanted someone to push him? Cause there’s no way he could’ve done it himself. But my mom saw and she scolded me for pushing the guy? Idk, that was six months ago or something and I still can’t decide if I was the asshole cause some of my family thinks it was funny, and some thinks it was mean? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
RFMefEtQvVK56QOK87lLFul9w8QBmyv1 | b0bfyu | {
"description": "blocking my friend, who defended their best friend's actions despite them being in the wrong",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for blocking my friend, who defended their best friend’s actions despite them being in the wrong? | Obligatory I’m on mobile, so sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes
So, a little preface for this story.
In late September, I met this girl in a Discord server and I enjoyed talking to her. I’ll call her Nessie.
Things were smooth until I had a really bad mental breakdown and threatened a lot of stuff. This is obviously never good, and she promptly told me that she didn’t want to speak anymore.
I knew I had fucked up and last month, tried to contact her again to say hi and ask how she’s doing. She says hi and we become friends again.
Now this is where the AITAery starts.
Last night, I messaged her friend on Instagram to introduce myself, saying “Nessie sent me.” They responded with some bullshit, told me to fuck off, and I complained to Nessie. She said that he had heard of what I had done to Nessie, and wasn’t happy (they’re close friends).
I asked why he could talk to me like I was nothing (I did the same, but I had been desperately trying to apologize for what I did), and she replied with “don’t turn this on me blah blah”. I got mad at Nessie since her friend was DMing me, with excerpts of our chat, meaning Nessie was telling him what we were saying.
She said that he wasn’t mad at me for saying hi, but rather for what I did half a year ago.
Nessie: “you can’t take stuff back. He’s just protecting me.”
Me: “so he can treat me like shit? you defend him regardless. Don’t you see that I’ve been trying my fucking best to make up for what I did? Just because he’s defending you, that becomes null and void? Goodnight, I’ll unblock you when I want to talk.”
When I’m in school, I unblock her and we talk for a little bit. She says that I had exhausted her with how I had treated her, which she had the right to say. She then went on to say that he was just protecting her and that he was a little harsh, but had the right to be pissed off. She called me a liar, and I said that I didn’t want to speak anymore. She said that she had warned me, and I blocked her.
I know that I fucked up, but I’ve changed in half a year.
Sorry for it being so long and unformatted, thanks to all of you. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
v7j3k8kMZ7f9IC4vX9rRpBhE7XuoxNIy | ama329 | {
"description": "not continuing to talk to a girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not continuing to talk to a girl? | So, this happen a little while ago but I started thinking about it.
My friend set me up with a girl. The girl and I started talking and eventually set up a movie date over the weekend. Our plans were really last minute and convoluted and she ended up texting me saying she had some things to do but she would try and make time. She didn't get back to me so I assumed she was still going (where I messed up). I texted her ten minutes before the movie was going to start asking where she was. She said she couldn't go.
We decided to meet up during lunch break later in the week. I was really excited to actually hang out with her. I texted and asked where we should meet up and she was really confused until I reminded her that we were supposed to hang out. She said she needed to make up some schoolwork so I didn't care too much that she cancelled. Twenty minutes (lunch is an hour) into lunch my friend, the one who set us up, told me the girl was hanging out with her friend. This hurt me.
I confronted her about this and she said that she wasn't trying to avoid me or hurt me and that she would tell me if she didn't want to see me. But I was still hurt and I stopped talking to her.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DoKLfmhflaFQdfG6SKMm7DFK9p1hqaU5 | aud2oo | {
"description": "being mad that my friend is also friends with a girl that mistreats me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being mad that my (21F) friend (20F) is also friends with a girl (19F) that mistreats me? | So I’m friends with a girl (let’s call her Val) who is also friends with another girl I know, Marge.
The thing is, there’s no love lost between me and Marge. We were good friends previously, up until she tried to steal my boyfriend, after which I returned the favor and did stuff to her and we both repeatedly talked shit about each other. About half a year ago, amid Marge-related drama I met with Val and she was like ‘Honestly, I still don’t know why I’m still friends with Marge’, so I was like ‘I’m not making you cut her off, just don’t involve me in whatever you do with her’.
Half a year later they’re still friends and there were some times I caught Val forwarding some my messages to Marge just for fun, but the problem is, these messages could damage my reputation, and now Marge had them. I talked it out with Val, asked not to forward anything from me to Marge, she nodded but I think she left with the impression that I’m just still mad after whole boyfriend thing.
Thing is, I’m a head of a huge uni project which Val is a part of. Val is a part of it and Marge was too, but had to leave due to several reasons. Val is working a lot but she also screws up a lot and it is noticed by many people. At the same time she asks me for more responsibility and I refuse to give it to her.
Last week she told my friend that she thinks I don’t trust her not because she screws up (and she believes that whenever she does, it’s not her fault) but because she is still friends with Marge. Not only that, but she thinks I want to kick her off the project because that’s what happened to two other Marge’s buddies (believe it or not, it had nothing to do with it).
I am really mad at her for that. I understand that people can be friends with anyone they want, but at one point I provided proof to Val that Marge is a shitty person, and I am frustrated by the fact she doesn’t trust me enough to believe in it. The only thing stopping me from confrontation is the fact that I’m not supposed to know why Val thinks I don’t trust her.
So AITA if I understand that I can’t dictate my friends who to hang out with but I still get angry that one of them is friends with a girl that wronged me several times? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
AiFtfIecceuIZYnIlSfAUvqWn28jjBYU | b2l9el | {
"description": "calling animal protective services on my parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I called animal protective services on my parents? | They basically live in a home that resembles the show hoarders. (Not as bad but the clutter and gross aspects of the house definitely lead me o believe they are hoarders, no one has been to the house in 10 years for example) The dog they have is extremely old (at least 12 years old). She’s missing an eye (has been for about 6 years from an unpreventable injury) and since she’s grown old I think she is now completely blind. Her fur is matted and she spends most of her time wandering around the house and crying out (I’m assuming in pain). She is too helpless to be let outside and goes to the bathroom all over the house. This has been bothering me since I moved out ~6 months ago and realized how not okay their way of life is. I was hoping the dog would just die or they would put her down. Well I’m assuming they are too embarrassed of her condition to take her to the vet and put her down, and have apparently been looking into ways to handle it at home but they are busy people and nothing is being done.
They also have two cats who live perfectly fine lives and are fed regularly. I would feel bad having the cats taken away as well but I’m unsure what to do.
The reason I think this would make me an asshole because I’m sort of doing it out of spite that my parents forced me to live in a pig sty for 18 years of my life. But if it helps a dog thats in pain, does that justify my actions? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AzvP4Q7GbQcMqti8VJB8UcnjYJc8XLmf | ax3fer | {
"description": "not wanting to buy Christmas gifts for my newborn nephew",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to buy Christmas gifts for my newborn nephew? | My big brother was always a party guy, having a lot of women but no real girlfriend. At 32, he finds the good one. I didn’t like her at all, but if he is happy, I’m happy. Christmas Eve 2015 was at my house, he brings his new girlfriend for the first time but didn’t bring any gift because his car broke on his way to buy us some. He takes everything we give him anyway, telling us he will see us soon to give us our present, it never happened.
They were together for about two years when she got pregnant. Weird situation here, I’m French Canadian and a lot of our traditions involve some old Catholic background. Even if they were not Catholic, they wanted their child to be baptized as a “tradition” so he asked me to be the godfather of his son, I was honoured to accept it. At every family gathering, they told us that they did not want any gifts because they absolutely wanted to choose everything for the child. It was not a problem for me, I prefer to be present than giving unwanted gifts anyway.
A month before the childbirth, our father quit our mother for another woman. Our mom was devastated but still was happy to be a grandmother for the first time. It was a hard time as I was the only one supporting her, my big brother didn’t want to hear about the separation because he was finally happy with his soon to be family and my little brother (19) too childish to be able to help her in any way. As the middle child, it was weird to have all the attentions...
It happened that the day his girlfriend gave birth, I was leaving for vacation for two weeks but still was able to see them at the hospital (without gifts). Since then, everything changed. They stop talking to me on a regular basis. My brother started threatening our parents to cut off contact with his baby if they told him about their problems in any way. He was in his happiness bubble he told them. He then told me he doesn’t want me as his baby’s godfather because I was not happy enough, for him, about his family. He was hoping I wanted to follow the pregnancy like it was my baby because he name me as the godfather and that I never brought a gift to his child. I was shocked, told him I was taking care of our mom since the separation and as I understood, they didn’t want anything as he repeated hundred times. He apologizes but still didn’t want me as a godfather because anyway, he already ask someone else.
Christmas (2017) was near and I know he will be there so I texted him that to not be awkward, I will not buy him anything so I ask him to don’t buy me anything too. He exploded, told me I was a piece of shit, that I was never there for his four mounts children, that I never buy him anything and that he never wants to hear about me again. I told him to go fuck himself and never talk to him since.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g7ihofftl6sdcOmHFAL1y8quGwtY58gC | a32pca | {
"description": "not letting my gf look at my phone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not letting my gf look at my phone? | So, what started this is that a few years back I told her about a conversation I was having with a female friend. The conversation wasn’t anything sexual or flirty, and I brought it up on my own because I thought she would find some of the stuff I said funny. My gf flips out, calls my brother and his wife and asks who the girl was, but he doesn’t know what she is talking about as this was just a friend I’d met online in a game and lived 2000 miles away, wasn’t important enough in my life to bring up to family.
Anyway, I’m embarrassed about it because I hate causing a scene, she knows that. And I have told her on multiple occasions if she had something to say just say it to me in private.
Well, she came to her senses and apologized for the whole thing. And I stopped talking to my friend just to appease her. But, as a result of the incident I don’t tell my gf about any online conversations. And I don’t let her look at my phone.
Now, she has my password, and I’ve assured her I’m not talking to the girl anymore, which I’m not. I also told her I do talk to other friends though, both make and female and that I won’t tell her what we talk about. It’s never anything intimate or flirty or more than plutonic.
She seems to think my behavior is pointless and that I’m holding a grudge and being petty, or that the only reason I won’t show her is that I’m hiding something.
I told her she can go through my phone, but if she does, she won’t find anything and I’ll break up with her. I know that I wouldn’t really, but I want her to know how serious the issue is to me.
It’s about trust and if she feels she needs to check my phone that means she doesn’t trust me. And maybe that’s petty that I don’t just let her and put her mind at ease but idc quite frankly. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
kQyvO10zPePrSchYnlTtOKyHlR1sD7gs | arrve3 | {
"description": "considering on closing out an electric bill that my parents put in my name and reporting them for identity fraud",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for considering on closing out an electric bill that my parents put in my name and reporting them for identity fraud? | In October after my parents almost got the electric shut off due to them not receiving a notice it was going to be shut off (their phones were inactive as they didn't pay the bill) they asked if they can give the electric company my phone number in case they needed to contact them, I'm aware they only call if your electric is being shut off, yes before you ask they're financially irresponsible as all hell they probably owe an upwards of $10,000 in debt between utilities and rent and family members they refuse to live within their means. Now I found this a bit strange but I wasn't aware of an emergency contact like thing. But I said "Yeah you can give them my number but you better not put that bill under my name it could seriously ruin my credit score and will be on my credit history for years." Now my stepmom immediately got pissy and said "We're not, even if we did it would help your credit score out." It'd only help my credit score if they would actually pay their back balance proactively on their bills but they will only pay a portion of the monthly payment.
Well come November I end up moving out because I'm sick of my parents acting like absolute asses to me and taking my money constantly to feed their irresponsibility because they've taken an upwards of $2500 from me from April-November and on top of that having the audacity to say I never help out with bills and that it's only fair they take my debit card and money because of that (makes no fucking sense.) On top of that they kept trying to control me despite me being 18 and essentially tried to keep me hostage after I exposed their asses for stealing driving lesson money off me that was given to me by family for that specific thing, money that they'd never pay back. After that whole fiasco happened and we all made up i was talking to my stepmom on the phone and she asked if I changed my address, I said no as me and my boyfriend were in the process of moving to a different house. She told me not to change my address at all so I'd still be receiving mail at their house and they'd give me my mail every few weeks because of some weird excuse being insurance reasons. I was having red flags popping up that would've made the Soviet Union jealous, I disregard that though as I have important college papers come in the mail and tax forms come in and change it anywayd. Well lo and behold a few days after the New Year's begins I get a power bill in my name that was at my parents address. It had over $600 I back balance on it and a $200 payment due for that month! I was beyond pissed and called my dad asking what the hell was this? He deflects and pretty much tries to worm out of the conversation. I text him the next day and he says that they had to do it as they owed too much on accounts they had open at the electric company and plus their credit scores were in the shitter so badly they couldn't keep theirs open. He said that he'd pay it off income tax and close it out but until then he'd pay me $50 every two weeks (not even half of what the monthly payment is.) I tell him that's not enough and there's no way they're going to accept it and to please take it out of my name and put it on theirs, proceed with guilt tripping about how my parents and brothers will live in the dark until income tax comes then because they know my younger brothers are my weak spot. On top of all this my dad kept asking for money and probably borrowed $140 in a month which he paid back so this $50 every two weeks for the power bill hasn't been upheld at this point nor paid. And I let it be because the guilt trip worked and I didn't want my brothers to suffer like that plus my dad begged me not to tell my grandparents (they're my confidants) as my grandfather was having heart surgery so I shouldn't stress him out and my grandmother is already stressed out enough. I just received a shut off notice yesterday and told my dad about it with no response of course and I've been thinking of some great advice my grandmother gave me. She told me if I keep enabling my parents and they don't face the consequences of their actions they'll never get better. I'm now considering calling the electric company up tomorrow and telling them to cancel that bill as there's been a mistake and reporting my parents for fraud, I have proof. But I have to keep my brothers in mind as they'll suffer if I close it and they'll be left without electricity. My dad might lose his job if I press charges against him and my stepmom for using my identity to open a utility in my name. Which would cause more suffering as my dad has already had 8 job losses in the past four years already. Plus I'm worried they'll just do the same thing to my brothers as they have no shame in committing identity fraud against me. The burning of bridges is also a concern for me as well plus i feel like an asshole for agreeing to let it continue but that's because they had a strong mental grip on me, I was emotionally and mentally manipulated. Which of course I'm trying to work on as it all ties into my anxiety. So Reddit AITA for looking out for myself? I need an unbiased opinion on this
**tl;dr** Parents being shitty and do something unforgivable and emotionally manipulate to get their way, considering on letting karma deal with them at this point | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
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} | RIGHT |
8D2ogiUJNHHiQFwbU5JBbWD5mwIJASA3 | aly1pi | {
"description": "following a volleyball player on Instagram next to my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for following a volleyball player on Instagram next to my girlfriend? | Me (18F) and my girlfriend (19F) were watching our college teams men’s volleyball game, talking about which ones are the cutest (I’m bi, she’s gay).
I followed one of them on Instagram and she saw it and wouldn’t even talk to me for the rest of the game, and walked ahead of me when we were going to our dorms.
I told her how this isn’t any different than if she follows a celebrity she thinks is hot, because you have no chance with them and never going to see them again.
She doesn’t agree and won’t talk to me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
TzR1jNTP1nIX6HnxTCG5qAtl1gpF5X3X | 9tbiab | {
"description": "not shaving my beard/mustache off for a wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I don’t shave my beard/mustache off for a wedding | WIBTA if I don’t shave my mustache/beard off to be a groomsman in a wedding? It’s for a good friend of mine but I just don’t want to shave it off. I’ve had it on and off to ten years and I don’t like the way I look without it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
z6olIaYPZEkzx7dJxP78BT714pIRgOM4 | a16du5 | {
"description": "getting hit by a table leg",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for getting hit by a table leg | Today I was waiting in a hallway in front of an office together with some colleagues. We stood side by side on the wall, so we wouldn't block anyone passing through the hallway. Short time after, a worker had to carry a table through this hallway and told us to step aside. I thought there is enough space for this guy to carry the table through the floor, so I kept looking at my phone.
He first walked past the person next to me, without any issues.
Then he walked past me and I did not get hit by the front table legs. Unfortunately I got hit against my head by the table legs at the back. My colleagues haven't been hit by the table leg and we're pretty much like my just standing at the side of the hallway.
The worker then carried on like nothing happened and I remained silent for some seconds. After he was at the end of the hallway, I called after him "well, thank you for that". He became really aggressive then, shouted "I don't have eyes on the back of my head" and left. Another worker came around and told me, "well, you really could have step aside more.".
After a while he returned, to continue his work. I demanded him to at least apologize. He didn't and carried on his work.
Am I the asshole for not pressing myself against the wall?
There was clearly enough space to go through the hallway without hitting me.
Saying we should take care, is not an excuse for being careless.
Am I the asshole for demanding an apology? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
imZDslubUuZvfRqd41IJQG6bjpopiVkq | ap8prk | {
"description": "not giving money to the church",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving money to the church? | Last month I started to get $100 checks from a sexual assault case from years back. Anyway, when I got the check I already told myself I'm not going to spend it on myself. So I asked my grandparents if they had any ideas on how to give it away. The church was raising money for missions work next month so my grandmother recommended that. I was like ok. Never said I would or made a promise. So skip forward until yesterday I went out with some friends. I took the money just in case I saw some one. I decided to pay for all of our meals since they are all in college . And then gave the cook at the restaurant $5 because I use to work with him and he was always nice. Then an old family friend who is an elderly lady came in so I paid for her $2.50 hotdog. Still had money left over. When I get home they asked me where my money went and I told them what I did. They seemed upset I didn't save it all to give to the church. And said I technically spent it on myself. AITA for not giving it to the church?
TL;DR: didn't give $100 I had to church but gave it away other means and grandparents got upset it didn't go to the church. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P7Sz44lNPyMfLLg3TTHtv0KDiyTbCIXQ | agzfvr | {
"description": "not ruining my now ex-BF's and my vacation to Paris together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not ruining my now ex-BF’s and my vacation to Paris together? | The relationship between my now ex-boyfriend (54M) and me (36M) was in a rocky situation for its last six months or so, until I finally pulled the plug and ended it in September of last year.
We had had a very bad fight around March of last year, after which it seemed to me like it was possible that the relationship might not be tenable.
After the fight we agreed to try couples counseling. I took the responsibility to find us a counselor and arrange an appointment for us to meet him. After only one session with the counselor in April, my boyfriend said he was not interested in pursuing counseling and would not participate any further.
At this point I was strongly of the opinion that without some commensurate effort on my BF's part to try salvage the relationship, the relationship could not be salvaged. This made very depressed. I felt like I was trying and he wasn’t, so maybe we ought to just break up.
**However**, we had been planning an international vacation together to Paris and Amsterdam in July/August; two cities I had never visited, and would not likely get the opportunity to visit again for the foreseeable future. We had already bought our plane tickets and arranged for accommodations, which together cost us each couple thousand dollars.
We were both looking forward to the vacation. For my part **I decided that I would not ruin our fabulous European vacation by breaking up with my boyfriend before it happened, even though I already had serious misgivings about our long-term future**.
I put a lot of effort into making the vacation a pleasant experience. I tried very hard to defuse or prevent arguments, and to be as agreeable and loving as we ever were at our best together. The vacation, from my perspective, was amazing! It was romantic, it was beautiful, it was sexy, it was educating. It was, by all accounts, a great vacation and a once in a lifetime experience.
About a month after we got back to the States, I finally had “the talk” with my boyfriend and broke up with him. He claimed he was blindsided by my decision. In response, I explained that we had been on the ropes for months, and that I had been contemplating the possibility of a breakup since he vetoed any further attempts at couples counseling.
**He interpreted this to mean that I had been planning to break up with him but was keeping it a secret from him during our vacation together.** That our happy experiences together were all lies. That I had deceived him. That I should have broken up with him before we went on vacation, because now his memories of the vacation will be forever tainted with the knowledge that quote: **“We were already not even a couple anymore, and I didn’t even know!”**
I think this interpretation goes too far. In my mind I didn’t want to ruin an opportunity to create some beautiful, happy memories with a man I desperately loved but would probably lose. I also did not want to throw away the several thousand dollars I had already invested in planning this vacation, money which I couldn’t well afford to waste as I really don’t make enough money to go on international vacations except once every five or more years at best (My ex makes significantly more money than I do, and travels internationally several times every year, and has been to both Paris and Amsterdam multiple times before, so this trip was not ‘special’ to him to the same extent it was ‘special’ to me).
AITA for not ruining our vacation? Should I have cancelled the vacation and thrown away the opportunity to travel and see the world? Is it fair to say that the whole trip was a ‘lie’?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
a6wABZqDTpT9rFohow3CBSvuR1ajlmh6 | a35f3l | {
"description": "denying a person from joining a project at the last minute",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For denying a person from joining a project at the last minute? | This is the 15th week at my college and we have a group project that is due Wednesday or tomorrow and I got a text from one of the others in the group about allowing a guy to join the group and it was down to me for the deciding factor. This same guy has not been in class for the several weeks, not because of work or something. He is just lazy and does everything last minute. I said no because we are done with the project and he did no work and joining at the last minute and its his own fault for not getting involved earlier. The the guy who texted me says he does not care if he joins and the professors says that he can join the group if we allow him too. So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QU9UuvZ9FlL7HzaY3K8ex6tWlpCsfxUw | ayjs5i | {
"description": "not wanting to drink any alcohol, ever? even on my 21st birthday",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I don't want to drink any alcohol, ever? Even on my 21st birthday? | I haven't had any traumatic experiences with alcohol or anything, and this idea wasn't brainwashed into me by anyone. But I've just come to accept it as part of my personal philosophy and I don't want to give it up.
Essentially, I'm almost 21 and have never had alcohol, ever (never even been to a party, that's the kind of person I am). I never want to. I don't care if times get tough, I would prefer to resort to healthier coping mechanisms, thanks. I also certainly don't need it to have fun. And it smells bad. I have no need nor want to drink.
Since my 21st is coming up in a few months, my boyfriend who is a couple years older than me keeps saying that he will get me some nice champagne for my birthday and he keeps talking about it like he will expect me to have some. I don't want to, and I keep telling him that, but since my birthday isn't super soon neither of us sound very serious about it either way.
He drinks a normal amount, which I'm fine with, I just don't want to drink, even on my birthday. I am worried that my boyfriend and any other people who may remember my birthday will keep pressuring me to drink, and if I don't, they will think I am lame/annoying/straightedge/an asshole.
WIBTA if I don't drink, even a little, on my 21st birthday, or drink really ever? Part of me feels like with our current culture I will be seen as the asshole because I may be seen as holier-than-thou person who won't just chill and have a good time, or possibly fit in with others (I don't know anyone who doesn't drink AT ALL). That part of me says I should just suck it up and drink for one day. But the other part of me doesn't want to budge. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
2PP6mjoomWU6fzPR5f5r7gBvtHnxCO8E | aedree | {
"description": "wanting to date someone else",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to date someone else? | My first serious relationship ended just over a year ago because of distance and I am still friends with my ex (we still have the occasional little argument but never anything serious). Recently I’ve been wanting to ‘get back out there’ but have been quite reluctant due to the fact that I’ve been constantly thinking of the reaction that my ex may have about me looking to date someone else.
She hasn’t been in the best emotional state for a few months and feels that I am the only person who cares about her, which is why I feel so reluctant to get to know anyone else.
AITA for telling her that I want to date someone else? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uzBDEgbJM1eoSg2aCSl8ZlEJ4YhbwPIL | amm2cv | {
"description": "not wanting my moms things",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my moms things? | On mobile, apologies. (First post here)
Important context: Me (13 F), my mother (57 F), my father (57 M) and my grandmother (77 F) don't clash well together. Me and dad (A) v.s my mother (T) and my grandmother (c). T all her married life has been a hoarder, but since I've been born it's gotten worse. She basically is a beggar (not choosing thankfully) she's always tried to get as much free as possible. And always get mad at me for no reason Ex: I was pronounced Anemic and she got really mad at me for 'not eating enough'. But that's besides the point, all I'm saying is that I have some bias but for good reason. Another thing is that ever since I was like two, I've hadn't had a bed to sleep in, hardly a bedroom. And I barely stay at my parents house
Main story/point:
Well back last year T was in a car incident, we recently lost a car so she had to walk to work. When she was walking she was hit, then of course was hospitalized. During this time my dad and I though it'd be good to work on cleaning our house (not as bad as what's seen on TV but a year away from that stage). We told T about this and she flipped.
A year later and a mediocre clear house (October 2018):
A and I have successfully have cleaned some of my room and I can access my closet. Though I still don't have enough clothes to wear, I'm still very thankful. No, I'm really thankful. Then I come back from C's and I went to my room to get ready for church and it has been completely filled up again with T's stuff, this enrages me. I walk across the Hall to T's room, "Why the heck is your stuff in MY room?"
"What are you talking about?" she smuggly replies.
"Your stuff's in my room...? Why?"
"Erm that's not your room, it's mine."
Mind you it's always been my room since I've been an infant. Enraged at this point I take all of the bags of American Girl crap and put them in her room. 'Done.' I think, boy was I wrong.
The next week:
More stuff, taken out. (Repeat for the next couple of weeks)
I show up at C's house to stay for the school days.
"Why do you keep moving your mother's things??" C exclaims when the topic rises.
"Because she ruining my chance of sleeping in a bed...?"
"Well she needs the space for her things." (T has a master bed room, she has plenty of room.) Conversation continues, this was q couple of months ago I don't remember much. But AITA?
P. S I still get yelled at by C for not letting T dirty my room.
TDLR: Haven't had a bedroom since I was an infant, finally able to have one, then mother starts piling more crap in my room | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kM5NC5zaVdsLzfAygoxYsQNpJucPjPFH | 9xmbi7 | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with a girl who doesn't reciprocate my feelings",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with a girl who doesn’t reciprocate my feelings? | So a couple of months ago I asked out this girl who I had feelings for and she declined. I was fine with it being left there, but I didn’t particularly want to remain friends with her because there will always be this underlining feeling of awkwardness around us, and I just didn’t want that. Now a couple of months later she’s trying really hard to be my friend and I don’t want that. Now all of my friends are coming at me saying i’m the bad guy in this situation. So am i the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
42hJ5whJVzEACAgNop7GYNOSQnrgjlcq | b4k5gg | {
"description": "breaking a girl's heart",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking a girl's heart? |
Okay. Bit of a long one, so bear with me.
Edited to be SFW.
TL;DR at the bottom.
I'm a native English speaker, and this is written VIA computer. I seriously apologize for mistakes, and would like to be corrected as it improves how I text/write.
This all happened over Discord roughly a year ago. The reason I remembered it was because my main PC was brought back to life, and I found a lot of old screenshots.
For context, I used to be super into Homestuck. I met some people on Shamchat (random server/chat website that went down recently) two years ago.
I met Sky, L, and C. Later I would meet K, a friend of Sky; as well as M, a friend of L.
C and I started dating, though she broke up with me and had turned out to be cheating on me. Incredibly emotionally manipulative. Constantly trying to get me to be smutty, forced me to stay on the phone with her for 4-6 hours daily. If I didn't, she would threaten to be.. for lack of better words, bad to herself.
I did nothing to her, and she is not the focus of the story.
L and I instantly stuck together like glue afterwards. We were absolute best friends. Talked daily, super nice.
Sky introduced K shortly before Sky was kicked from our friendship.
L and I are still stuck together, and I started developing slight feelings for her.
Months later. K confesses that they're kinda/sorta into me. M then tells me that it absolutely crushed L as she was also into me.
K and I dated for half a month before Laura started to drive a wedge between us. Saying that I knew she was into me, and I went to date K anyways.
She continued to act like it was new, even a year later.
The last contact I had with L was back in October.
Last summer, she happened to be in one of K's servers and I just happened to be around. She was complaining about how her current girlfriend was out getting high, and L was sure she was cheating on her.
When I offered comfort, she exploded on me. Saying I ruined her love life and that I was horrible to her constantly. I felt disgusted by it for a week before I told K, and he let it simmer until I claimed it really bothered me, instantaneously deleting all of her hate and banning her.
She attempted to shoot me a friend request in October, in which I politely told her to screw off.
Looking back on old messages, I don't think I'm in the wrong. But I'd like a slight public opinion.
I was considering contacting her again, but M strongly goes against it. I agreed with her, and think it'll stay that way.
I have some of this saved in screenshots, and most of it in the content I never deleted. However, all of our mutual servers are now dead and gone, so there's no way I can retrieve anything from there.
Is it really my fault or did she just overreact?
TL;DR - Girl I was into turned out to be into me, calls me a bitch when I date someone else even though "I knew" about her being into me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
t7yraLagGX1w39wlUFjPzR9EbfsMI0dA | ae5uj4 | {
"description": "not wanting kids",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting kids? | I'm a 28 old guy and been with my girlfriend for around 6 years. We're both pretty busy and spend a lot of time at work. I've been recently often criticized (family and friends) that I'm not doing the proper things in my life, mainly when it comes to starting my own family, getting married, getting my own place to live etc. I know that these things are a priority for many people, but it hasn't been the case for me or my girlfriend. We recently bought a new car that we've been saving up for a few years, that's when hell broke loose. My family is pretty pissed at me for not spending the cash on a wedding instead and we had an emotional discussion about it yesterday.
Basically, I told them that I don't want to live my life like "everyone else" and that I see having kids as mostly a problem for me and my gf. I said that I'd rather spend my money on the things that make me enjoy life and keep me happy, instead of making everyone else happy. I also said that they are delusional and short sighted for trying to force me into making decisions based on what they would do. My brother has a 6 month old kid. He's adorable and I like to play and carry him around. Everyone is super happy when the kiddo is around during family meetups. The thing is, that kid isn't a sweety 24/7. He requires time and money. He needs to be fed every few hours, he needs his diapers constantly changed, he needs to be taken out on walks, etc etc. That's the stuff the parents are responsible for and I simply don't have the time or need for at the moment.
AITA for sticking to my guns on this one? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 68,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
CDpc8yiG65OhKV8I3NJYOA3Oq0St0Bmv | au25sh | {
"description": "making a girl cry at a week-long cottage trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making a girl cry at a week-long cottage trip? | This isn’t too complicated a story, so I’ll keep it short. A few friends and I (men and women, ages 21-27) decided to spend reading week up at my parents’ cottage. It was basically going to be a week long party with plenty of drinking.
I bought about $40 (CAD) worth of beer/cider which was about 10-12 cans altogether. It was meant to last me all week. We were up there from Monday to Friday, and my Wednesday all my booze had disappeared. Turns out one of the girls up with us had drank nearly half of it. She apologized and offered to pay for it, but I was still pissed because I basically had nothing for the last couple of days. We were out in the sticks, so it wasn’t like I could just pop over to the liquor store. I called her out, gave her the silent treatment and she started crying. She felt like me and another friend (who backed me up) were ganging up on her. Basically the whole night was ruined because of it.
Did I over react? I can add more details if necessary. Its not like I wanted her to start crying, but I was angry and I felt like she shouldn’t get away with something like that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vxBu6146zlDTwtsSpzQf5WzG5gA9VNVY | ai5ogh | {
"description": "ordering chow mein in my bfs favorite chinese restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 79,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ordering chow mein in my BFs favorite chinese restaurant | Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) (half chinese, maybe relevant) were thinking of places to go for dinner, and he had been wanting to show me this chinese food place he always go to with his family. He was in between that or a fast food burger place, but since Ive heard him mention this place a few time I told him we should go there. We get there and he asks me what I am thinking of getting, I told him Im not sure since I don’t really know what to get. He says a few things we should get and then asks me if I want some tofu noodles, I said that I’m not super sure and if we could look for some other types of noodles. He says he always gets them and I should try them, I tell him he can order it but I want to order something else just incase I don’t like them. The waitress comes immediately and he orders the first couple of dishes to share and looks at me, and I order the chow mein noodles. As soon as the waitress leaves all hell breaks lose and he says that I am being disrespectful for ordering chow mein noodles at a classic chinese restaurant, that that’s something you would order in panda express. I told him that he could’ve ordered it anyways or just be more clear that he was going to choose the dishes for us to share instead of making it seem as if I should choose a dish. I tell him I can go and add the order and also cancel the other noodles (it wasn’t that I had to have chow mein noodles, it was just the only thing I knew) and at this points he doesn’t want to talk and just says I’m being disrespectful for not letting him choose the dishes at his favorite chinese restaurant, and that everything is ruined. I tell him that whats the big deal if I am just going to pay for it and just add another dish and we could enjoy the meal anyways., and if its too much take the other one to go. The dishes come and he won’t talk to me, 5 minutes later he asks for the check, I pay for it and we leave, he goes and gets burgers instead from the drive through and now I’m sitting in the car hungry with a box of chow mein noodles that I’m waiting to eat once we get home.
I do feel like I shouldn’t have ordered the chow mein noodles, but I don’t feel like its fair the way he reacted when he wasn’t super clear and I was trying to make up for it once I realized how much the tofu noodles meant for him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 79,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 79,
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} | RIGHT |
Jv9HmYX4gp4SEmqzDP4ajP2zQzk24JBm | aqtbtz | {
"description": "not wanting to be joked with about a very painful breakup",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Wanting To Be Joked With About A Very Painful Breakup | (Sorry for being kinda sloppy with composition on this post, it's 10:00pm and I am pissed)
(We're all in the 8th grade)
EX: Ex Girlfriend
FF: Former Friend
NG: New Girlfriend (Not very relevant to the story, but still important nonetheless)
ME: Me (duh)
Prologue: A few months ago, EX broke up with me after being together for a year and a half. That was my first serious relationship, I had an entire life planned out for us. Bad mistake. I moved two hours away, (this was out of my control) and eventually EX broke up with me. After long and painful months pass by, I eventually get over it. I find a new person that ends up being NG, and the day of writing this, Valentine's day, I tell her how I feel. Good feelings all around, I'm happy. Now, to the main story.
As night approaches, I get a message from EX.
EX: Hey, Idk why but FF wants to talk to you. He says it's important. Get on discord.
ME: Ok we
I go to discord, ask him what he wants, but he tells me to go to a new group chat that he made.
FF does some crappy acting that I should've seen through, and tells me that he's dating EX now. I wanted this, because I thought he was a good person, so I say that I don't care.
FF: We started dating right after you broke up with her.
ME: She broke up with me, but whatever.
FF: She told me she liked me even more, while you two were still dating.
ME, being confused and angry that EX didn't break up with me sooner, go to confront her. EX is confused, and said she never said that, and that FF said that he was going to mess with me, but she didn't think that he would go this far. I angrily go back to discord to confront him with this newfound information. After I confront him, he spouts this bullshit.
FF: Now, since I told you, I want you to tell me how mad you are at me.
I accepted his request and went batshit crazy on him, cussing him out, and realizing that this sadistic shitstain is not my friend.
And then he has the audacity to say that I never really loved EX, and that I was using her, even though I literally gave her everything, and that if I really loved her, I would've waited to date someone else. And he started to say that I can't play victim since I have no idea how difficult school has been since I left. And then I blocked him because I was done being verbally assaulted. I told EX what happened and she just took a middle ground to it, and told me I should probably blow off some steam by writing about it, since she had to go to bed. I told NG about everything that happened, and she comforted me, but she had to go to bed, so I told her she should get some rest. I decided to take EX's advise and post it on here, since I learned of this place through Cuestar and Misery Box. So here I am. On possibly the worst Valentine's day I've ever had. So, am I the asshole?
Thanks to anyone who reads this for listening to me unload my emotional baggage. This probably won't end up anywhere, but it was worth it to get my anger out in a non-toxic way. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
14jxhzN9RjpJpKO0Gkq3FK7Obq3AB6Kn | a5n8mr | {
"description": "everything that happened with my ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITAH for everything that happened with my ex-girlfriend? | First, let me say that this is going to be a long one, so strap in.
Acronyms-
M= Girlfriend's mom (\~40)
SD= Girlfriend's Stepdad (\~50)
GF= My ex girlfriend (16)
I am 17 and a boy.
​
I met GF working at a grocery store 8 months ago over the summer and we really hit it off. We instantly became pretty attached and started to escalate our relationship. That is, until she got grounded due to smoking weed almost right after we went on our first few dates. I was (imo pretty understandably) upset, as I didn't get to see her for the next 2 weeks while she was grounded. After those 2 weeks, I asked if she would quit smoking so that nothing like that would happen again. She agreed, and for about a week it was going fine. That is, until she got caught smoking at her real dad's house and was subsequently grounded another two weeks. I was pretty mad but she found an old phone to talk to me with at night so I wasn't livid or anything. After this grounding I was pretty damn positive I wanted her to stop smoking. She agreed and, again, everything was fine- until I caught her buying from a known dealer on snapchat around two months after that conversation. I asked why she didn't stop and she said that she could stop whenever she wanted to and that she was just enjoying her life and I needed to but out of it.
Now, some backstory- M used to be addicted to pretty hard drugs for a while before having GF. So did SD before meeting M. M still vapes uses weed and SD + M have now allowed GF and her stepsister to vape and smoke in the house.
I told GF brutally honestly that this was bad parenting and that she shouldn't be allowed to openly use drugs inside of her house, otherwise she might end up like her mom (sore subject in retrospect but I was and still am genuinely concerned for her). So, she runs away crying and after me apologizing for what I said I ended up saying that she could smoke as long as it wasn't every day like it was in the past, as well as asking her to lay off of the Juul. She agrees, and we are better for a couple months.
Then, I found out she had been smoking daily again and asked her why. She said that her mom was fine with it as long as she would periodically buy drugs for her. I was really angry this time because of how often and nonchalantly she breached my trust, so I told her that she needed to start being honest with me about things and that I really care about her. She said that I shouldn't be saying that weed is harmful to a young person because it cures cancer, anxiety, etc. I called her out on this and she said that if I did not think that it was OK for her to smoke daily then we should ask for an outside opinion. I agreed, but every person she put forward was outspokenly 420 friendly (examples include her mom, her smoking buddies, her stepsister, a mutual friend who was an avid weed user). So I called her out on this and she said that I obviously don't want to mediate so she'd just cave and stop juuling and smoking altogether.
For the next couple months after that, things were OK at best. She never really talked to me outside of when we were alone and we kind of just went through the motions together. There was not any intimate contact for around 2 months. When I brought this up she said her depression had come back and she thought it had an effect on her libido. So I laid off. After another month of very sparse intimacy I asked what the issue was and she still said it was the depression. I told her that it makes me feel unloved when we hang out for hours and all she wants to do is play Pokemon on my Switch. She apologized and again, blamed it on her depression so I didn't hold it against her or anything. I had voiced my concern and was just trying to make her feel better so we could get back on track.
Now comes the recent stuff-
Over Thanksgiving, she came to my house twice. Ate with my family and went on a day trip to a nearby town one day and went to a soccer game with us the other. Everything seemed great. Still not much intimacy but I was waiting on her to feel better instead of trying to force her to be better myself.
I wanted to go eat with her the next week so I asked if she wanted to go out that Friday for dinner. She agreed, and then on Thursday broke up with me. I was crushed- it was so out of the blue. We had previously talked about Christmas presents and what cost range we were going for and I had already bought hers and was planning on going to dinner with her tomorrow and it just stopped me right in my tracks.
Later that week, around Saturday, she apologized and said she wanted me back. I was very confused but still in love so I said yes. On Monday, it came to my attention she was grounded over the weekend. I asked why and she told me she was caught juuling at her house. She never stopped and said she did it just to spite me. I was hurt that she would lie to me so easily and for so long about her health. Later that day, she said she lied again and it was actually weed she was caught with, again. M thought that she was becoming a little too dependent on it so decided to disallow smoking in the household for a bit- but that didn't stop GF and her stepsister. So, she comes to me saying she's an addict and she was wrong to lie to me all of that time and she was sorry. And I forgave her- on the condition that she stopped vaping.
Now, GF gets belligerent and defensive. She tells me its not my place to tell her when to stop something even though she got addicted to something chemically less addictive than nicotine. I was done with everything she had pulled on me the last couple months, so I told her that if she didn't stop I would tell M and SD that she had been vaping with nicotine. A dick move, sure, but I was concerned that she would get even more addicted and it would be harder to pull her back out the next time. She said she would quit within a week and that she was sorry about everything that happened. She kept commenting that she thought that after we went through all of this we could be better as a couple and that we would be even stronger.
Keep in mind, she's still grounded, so everything I hear from her is at school. I heard that someone at the table she sits at at lunch was popping pills in the cafeteria. I commented that maybe those aren't the best people to hang around and was met with a deluge of comments about how I was trying to change her. I attend the play she helped work on two days later, congratulating her on her work and enjoying the show. Over the weekend, I went to send her a text about how I missed her and how I can't wait to see her on Monday but I noticed she had blocked me.
I thought at first that it was just because she had to give her devices to her parents and that she didn't want them seeing anything we talked about. But, on that Sunday, SD comes to my house and tells me that the relationship is over as he read her texts and decided it was unhealthy for her to stay with me (I personally thought that he was offended I called him and M bad parents but I don't know how far back he read so I can't say). Of course, intimidated by the physically fit 50 year old man in front of me, I just nod and say yes.
Then, come early Monday morning, I realized I am blocked on everything that she owns- snapchat, discord, Instagram, etc. I realized then that it was her decision to break up with me out of the blue, again. I was so angry and sad and had so much trouble coping with my emotions. She refused to even talk to me and I heard from a mutual friend that she was calling me "emotionally abusive" and from texting M about what the hell even happened that she and SD essentially told her that breaking up with me would be best for her. I asked why and was never even graced with a response.
Now her whole group of friends (who overlap slightly with mine) think that I'm an abusive ass and they're starting to make me think that too. I don't know what to think anymore, and if I have really been as shitty as she says I was then I would like to know for my future relationships.
​
TL;DR- Tried to stop my GF from using drugs, ended up getting broken up with out of the blue (twice) and called emotionally abusive. Am I the asshole?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
ay27kfVHz4wrzx4royyOj7SyhIH40How | arnjb9 | {
"description": "wanting to split the Bill on a first date",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For Wanting to Split the Bill on A First Date? | Met this girl on tinder I'm M22, she's F20 and we hit it off and decided to meet for dinner last night at a restaurant she picked. The dinner was fine and she was cute but she came off as really dumb and naive, just like you're basic Western white girl (Ontario mans will get this one). Basically typically uninformed white girl and it was a turn off even though she was pretty, when the bill came I asked for it to be split and the look on her face was as if she was shocked. The bill was about $155, I had $90 cash to cover my end and tip and gave it to the server and said she'd get the rest and told her I had a good time but I wasn't really feeling anything and I ran off into the night.
Like 30 mins later I get texts from her calling me an ass for not paying for the whole thing as I was flaunting how much money I make to her (on track for 90k) even though I only mentioned it once after she asked. And she's in school and not working so hard for her to pay that. I just ignored the messages,
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 16,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
K3o2dVSEesHzuveElVixJktogYu4XZ65 | b7l92a | {
"description": "returning a milkshake and expecting a refund",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for returning a milkshake and expecting a refund? | I just ordered a milkshake, paid in cash, and when the cashier handed my change back, I felt her long fake nails brush my hand. In previous job, I saw so many horrible fungal infections that really long nails and long fake nails just gross me out.
So after I sat down to wait for my order, I realised that she was wearing food prep gloves, so how did I feel her nails? I looked over to where she was working and I could see that her nails were poking right through the fingertips, which kind of defeats the purpose of the gloves in the first place.
Even though she didn't directly handle any of the stuff directly (milk from a bottle, etc.) it still put me off. I saw her prepping fruit as well, for another order presumably, and I probably won't order again if she's working there.
Would I be the asshole if I went to the counter now and asked for a refund? Obviously is return the drink. I'd have to tell her why though. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Q6ZxL4ipH7VxRSpuh3RU5Z83ZpZKBYbm | aongpg | {
"description": "double booking my evening",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for double booking my evening? | This just happened and I’m trying to gauge if I’m over reacting or not.
This evening my SO’s parents planned to take us out to dinner for a belated birthday celebration for me. Last night, my friends let me know that they were going out to celebrate my close friend’s birthday the next night (tonight). I said that I’d love to go when I got out of the dinner and would join them then. When arriving at my SO’s place, I briefly mentioned to their mom how it was my good friend’s birthday and that I was going out to celebrate his birthday later that night (SO was invited but not interested). SO’s mom then promptly canceled the dinner reservation and announced that we would do it on another night with her reason being she doesn’t want to feel rushed through dinner, even though I never told her when my friends were going out in the first place and I let her know that I had no intention of rushing through our meal.
So I’m asking you all today, am I the asshole for arranging two plans in one night and not cancelling the dinner plans myself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
A02ICaOjmZ5nDhiuBc2zCML7Pz6XCidw | a6iiwa | {
"description": "telling some Contractor to fuck off and mind his own business",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling some Contractor to fuck off and mind his own business? | So ill try to keep this short, this just happened, my Dad bought a new drone a few weeks ago and its supposed to be able to fly up to 2 KM away but ive been having range issues, so multiple times this week ive been out with it, i"d fly it towards the field at the end of my street and see how far i could get before range dropped out, sometimes id just fly around the street for fun, but always at an atlitude where you cant hear it because i dont want to annoy anybody
anyways as im walking to the park with drone flying on ahead to wait for me this guy whos been chipping wood across the street all week comes up to me telling me to land the drone and leave, and i tell him its my drone, i live here, you cant tell me what to do with my toy, and it devolved quickly and i basically told him hes an asshole and to stop worrying about other peoples shit that has nothing to do with him.
am I an asshole for not empathizing with whatever the fuck this guys problem? or is he just a busybody? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
NFgVfo8W3twc3VORAQsHVPB7qW9VehNV | a29jkg | {
"description": "sometimes wanting to play a single player game, and therefore turning down my friend from time to time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sometimes wanting to play a single player game, and therefore turning down my friend from time to time. | Basically, as the title says, I love video games, and was sort of a loner for a long time, so I got particularly in to single player games. In the past few years, I became way more social, and started playing games a lot with my friends, which I love doing. However, one friend asks me to play every time he and I are on at the same time, as he almost never plays single player games, but, while I love playing with him, if I said yes every time, I would never get to play single player games. I realise that sometimes this means he is bored if he has nobody to play with, and so I have started to try to say yes more often, but when I'm really in to a game, sometimes I won't play with him that often. AITA?
Also, this is a somewhat separate question, as I'm pretty sure I'm the asshole in this situation, but sometimes I want to play multiplayer games we both play, but I want to play them alone, Im not even sure why, we're basically best friends, and he doesn't annoy me, I just feel like playing alone sometimes for no real reason. So I set myself to offline, (showing me as being offline, even though I'm playing) even if he is playing too, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1quJJdnaH6u8qfS2PN3vLPCX3q1tIcwf | b31df4 | {
"description": "letting my girlfriend pay",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for letting my girlfriend pay? | I’ve been dating a wonderful woman (36F) for about five months. We get along great, have amazing conversations, she’s incredible.
Problem is, she’s rich. She works in fashion (we both live in NYC) and lives in this huge apartment and has a lot of money even though she doesn’t do much with it besides donate to charity and buy groceries and stuff.
I (24F) am poor. I live with four roommates in a two bedroom apartment (two of them have bedrooms, one lives in the den, one in the home office type space, I live in what used to be the laundry room) and waitress for minimum wage. I have very little money most of the time as my money goes to rent, utilities, etc. She knows about my financial situation and has never looked down on me for it or made me feel bad for having less money.
So when we go out, for food or to somewhere you have to pay for, she always pays. I offer every time, but I don’t insist because I know I can’t afford it. She shoots me down every time I offer (very nicely) and tells me not to worry about it. I feel terrible but at the same time it’s something for me to eat and I honestly can not afford to do all the things we like to do together.
AITA for letting her pay and only offering once each time to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 40,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UOAHJQRRBXKWwFvvJSDrrn4Z1ZNmxJFL | b2s6qi | null | AITA for leaving? | So my (M23) girlfriend (F22) of 2 and a half years and I have been fighting a lot recently. We decided the best thing to do was break up, and that I would be moving out. That was 2 weeks, and today I got the rest of my stuff and left.
Yesterday at around 8 at night, she got a call from her sister saying that her dad (only living parent) had died in a car crash. She immediately broke down after hearing the news, and begged me to stay, saying that she didnt know if she could get through this. After a few minutes of consoling her, I told her I was still leaving, and that this hasnt changed anything. I told her if she needed someone to talk to I would be there, and that I wanted to be at the funeral because her father was a great guy. She told me not to bother, and that I should just leave that night, so I did.
Today when I came to get the last of my stuff she seemed broken. She wouldn't talk to me at all, and I felt like a total piece of shit. After I left, a few of her friends texted me saying I was a selfish douchebag. I felt that staying would cause an even messier break up than it already is. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
T9NSnGW828e9wovc24GsERT4rJaznEpN | al7wdd | {
"description": "being slow when painting things",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being slow when painting things? | Alright, I paint miniatures for a hobby and some of them I posted to Reddit on other communities. I’ve been doing it for quite a long while and have gotten pretty good at it but I know that I can still get better.
Sometimes I paint individual minis for friends for D&D or just because. In all honesty, I would normally try to not charge any money for this because I just like to paint but some of my friends are uncomfortable with asking me to do it for free so I ask for as little money as I can.
However, when I’m given the model to paint, it sometimes takes me over a month or even two to finish it and get it back to them. This is because of school, work, other miniatures of my own, and getting together with friends where I try to paint but end up not. This doesn’t take up all of my time, though, and I know I can dedicate multiple hours a day to painting and get a model done in just a day or two.
I just start painting it, get maybe halfway done, and go to another thing I need to do and end up leaving it unfinished for weeks before I can complete the model. The model always ends up looking good and my friends are happy with the results, but I always feel like I shouldn’t charge them at all if it takes me this long. I’ve brought this up to these same friends and they tell me not to worry about it, but I still feel like I should give each of them their money back.
Am I the asshole for basically taking their money and doing nothing for so long? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AtR7FmsERTuL4M2BWym29Ud6oyu3gEGZ | abyygl | {
"description": "not caring about my ex's feelings",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not caring about my ex's feelings? | Reposting since I forgot to use the AITA acronym.
So I broke up with my ex about a month ago because she was super jealous and paranoid about everything. She has had some bad relationships in the past so it was SLIGHTLY understandable, but it just wasn't something I could take anymore so I broke it off.
I am still facebook friends with her out of pure laziness just haven't bothered to unfriend her. Don't know why she hasn't unfriended my yet but whatever.
So new years eve I am just chilling at home with my dog (was battling a pretty nasty hangover and just didn't feel like going out). When I saw a pretty cringy but funny fight breakout on facebook between my ex and her best friend. Remember I said that my ex was jealous and paranoid? Well she accused her best friend of hooking up with me (which never happened) and her previous ex's.
So shortly after this my ex's friend starts texting me and asks if I am busy, I just play dumb as say I am free. She comes over and hangs out and we end up hooking up. I knew going in that this was just some revenge shit for being accused of being an adultress on social media. But I was bored her friend is cute and my ex's feelings are no longer my concern. Does that make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
sHoRqKTPKR5kpZas57nBs4IgRMaFR5SN | aut8ff | {
"description": "not wanting to let my wife take my car",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to let my wife take my car? | So my wife told me a year ago she wanted a divorce and that she needed time to get things in order to proceed with the divorce. So we still live together but she pays no bills. It's been a very rocky relationship between us over this time and isn't getting better. I dont drive her car even when we all go out as a family and even less than a year ago I was in a car accident and she wouldn't even come pick me up after the accident. I had to have my friend from work pick me up on his way home. And was told to figure it out myself by her. So now I'm carpooling with said friend a couple days to work this week and she wants to use my car while hers is in the shop getting her brakes done. So am I the asshole for wanting to tell her no she cant use my car? Or should I be nice and let her us it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4cO7a3kPrQHn9l3FYg60K6NlJOAthz5M | al9u4q | {
"description": "not working with my father in our business and for trying to do something on my own in life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not working with my father in our business and for trying to do something on my own in life? | My father is having a buisness related to Mechanical Engineering and i understand that he gas built it with lot if hard work but i want to do something on my own in life.
The problem is that he says if i want to do anything that's against his wish so I should leave home and then do whatever I want to.
Should i leave home and take a stand for myself?
I'm 21 and i really want to do something on my own in life.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5gKmITiPY3jK1Cd2nAD58OBTyQp9kjoT | aehlx8 | {
"description": "holding a grudge against someone from my school for something he said a few years back on an excursion",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for holding a grudge against someone from my school for something he said a few years back on an excursion | As the title suggests, my entire grade was on an excursion. One of my friends(b) told me that another one of my friends(c) had to leave because they had diarrhoea but it turns out he was joking. So i saw (c) while looking around and asked him about it and for some reason he thought i was being rude. So the person i have a grudge against(a) saw us talking and joined in. (C) told him what i asked about and he said this one thing. Expect that from a (insert last name). This for some reason struck a nerve and i got SUPER pissed off(maybe because he just insulted my whole family and anyone who has that last name). Ever since then i have been trying to avoid (a) and just refuse to think anything good of him. So my question is AITA for doing this to him and thinking so badly of him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iZSgmnsBSJeP23rFISxQxyvY3i9DYlQt | av3bjn | {
"description": "not telling my husband about a miscarriage",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not telling my husband about a miscarriage? | Throwaway for obvious reasons, also not sure about the formatting issues, but I am on mobile.
Title kind of says it all.
So I am very early into a pregnancy that I am miscarrying. I was recently starting to suspect I was pregnant, and going to discuss it with my husband. Later in the day, the bleeding began. I have had successful pregnancies with bleeding and miscarriages before, the bleeding is different for me.
Two days after the bleeding started, I had my annual GYN exam. I told the doctor my concerns, after a few minor tests, he confirmed that I was miscarrying a baby.
Now comes the part that makes me question if I am an asshole, I really don't want to tell my husband.
My reasons for this are mostly that he will shut down emotionally and not want to talk about it anyway, which hurts me far more than just dealing with it alone, and that we have a lot of other things going on in our lives at the moment. This seems like something unnecessary to pile on him.
I feel so guilty and like I am being very selfish and have a lot of mixed feelings about telling him.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
fkMImFoUqCzMV92y2JEKwIDFJLwvOAFM | a2805n | {
"description": "not telling my friends I've been adopted by a rich uncle",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my friends I've been adopted by a rich uncle? | Warning: Long. There's been a shit-tonne of drama. Just had the most terrific fight with my mates because they believe (not entirely unfairly), that I treated them like shit.
Background: I\[15M\] am an orphan. Recently I found out I have an uncle and a cousin sister. They seem like really cool people. They're also filthy stinking rich (at least by my standards). My uncle's apparently a fairly prominent official in my country's politics. It's been a shock, and I've been freaking out about the fact that I'd be leaving my mates behind. My birthday was coming up so I asked my uncle if it'd be okay if I stayed here through then and have a farewell party, and then come to him right after. He agreed, got my flight booked and everything.
So now comes to the time to tell the fellows that I'm offski, and I just can't do it. Coz it never goes well.
The Buggers (that's what our group's called around here, long story) have been mates forever, doing literally everything together. You name it - pranks, getting punished, macking on chicks, having each other's backs if any of us is getting bullied etc. Thick as thieves doesn't begin to cover it.
But there are other gangs here where the dudes are just as thick... right up to the moment that one of them is adopted. Then its pretty much always one of two reactions - either everyone turns cold, or they turn into bloodsucking leeches. I've seen some of these guys guilt-trip a departing kid into begging their new foster parents for clothes, gadgets and so on for the mates they're leaving behind. It's sick.
The Buggers aren't like that. I know they aren't. But it's been weeks, and every time I've tried to tell them, I freeze up, because I don't want to spend the rest of my time here fending off having to make promises and get mooched off. After spending weeks feeling like shit about the whole thing, I figure I'll tell them the night before I have to leave. It's about as much as people usually get to process moving out of here anyway.
Enter Tina \[16F\]. Name changed, obviously. She's cool, she's kinda hot, and every single one of the Buggers has been hitting on her since we hit puberty. I read, she reads, so that was my in, and we've been flirting on and off for a year. Her mum owns and manages a local inn. There, the director of my orphanage got drunk and spilled to her mum that I've been adopted, and that my uncle's someone important. Her mum tells her. She comes over and chews me out for not telling her, I make dumb excuses, next thing I know is that she came in to kiss me so fast our teeth banged and my lip's bleeding. Didn't stop me from making out with her. We didn't know at the time, but one of the Buggers saw us. She tells me her mum's invited me to have throw the birthday party at the inn's kitchen (that's the night before I leave), and I can bring friends.
One of the Buggers, call him Mixer, bakes me a carrot cake. We clean up the best we can. Head over. Tina's invited three other friends of hers, all girls. Cake is cut. Song is sung. I'm trying to feel out a good moment to tell the others about my uncle. Tina's mum leaves us alone. The girls are feeling frisky and the guys aren't complaining. Commence Seven Minutes in Heaven. Conversation turns to the time the girls got the bird-and-bees talk from their folks. And that's when Tina lets slip that my uncle's probably gonna give me the talk.
Total and instant silence. The Buggers ask what uncle. So I tell them. I show them pictures of my family that my uncle sent. They ask me when I'm leaving. I tell them tomorrow. That's when things start going downhill. They freak out. They want to know why Tina knows and they don't. Tina and I explain it wasn't me that told her. They wanna know why I didn't tell them. I swear I was going to tell them in just a bit (I was). Wtf else was I supposed to say? It's not like I had a good answer. So one of the Buggers, call him Rickie, answers for me, and he's got me dead cold to rights - that I didn't want them mooching off of me. He has a little rant. The other girls are just soaking up the drama now.
Tina tries to mediate, and that's when Rickie makes a shit situation shittier by accusing her and her mom of being 'in on it'. He was the one who saw us canoodling yesterday. He says she must be glad her ugly duckling is a golden goose. He says that's why her mom made her notch me on her belt. AT this point I hit him coz he basically called Tina a whore. He's looking ready to kill me, but Tina's mad now enough to handle him - she kicks him out. The remaining Buggers tell Tina they don't believe that crap about her and her mum but they're going to check on Rickie. Right before leaving Mixer tells me I messed up.
Obviously the party's over. Tina and I talk, but now I'm pissed and there's no way I'm leaving it like that so I go looking for them. Only, I can't find them. I hit the orphanage and all our usual hangouts but it's like they've vanished. My flight's in a few hours, and they're not seeing me off. I feel like I should've just left as soon as I got the letter, I feel like a shitheel but I'm also fucking pissed at them for reacting this way. They know exactly what every other adopted kid here goes through, and they can spend the night chewing me out if they want but this is bullshit.
So, am I the asshole for handling this the way I did? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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