id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
I5cihcM1EZaOdvPa8pvPnuELjcUnE2Mj | agbtd0 | {
"description": "not rooming with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Not Rooming with my Friend | \*names have been changed\* , TL;DR at bottom
**Background:**
I am a sophomore, almost junior, in college. During my first semester of freshman year, my good friend from high school, Veronica, (we attend the same university) and I became good friends with two girls, Rose and Tara, who are roommates. We all decided to room together the following semester. We chose a place in the on-campus dorms that had two shared rooms and a connecting bathroom. Things went super well for the first month and a half. Then, the drama started.
Tara has had some issues with her mental health. We supported her by providing a shoulder to cry on, fun distractions, a listening ear, and also by trying to get her to get some professional help. None of these were problematic at first, but things started getting much worse. Basically, a guy she went on a few dates with told her that he didn't see things moving forward with them, and it devastated her. For the next three days, she was catatonic and crying all the time. She was basically on self-harm and suicide watch. It got to the point where Veronica, Rose, and I had to drop whatever we were doing to go help her.
Near the end of the semester, I started dating one of our good guy friends. He and I were happy. Rose was so happy for us when she heard, but Tara immediately was like, "Oh, now I need to find a boyfriend so that I will not be alone forever!" It often seemed like she was trying to compete with me due to some of our similar struggles with mental health issues. Things became so stressful to the point that Rose was losing hair, and the drama with Tara was starting to affect my relationship with my boyfriend (we are still happily together :D ), and Veronica had basically started living with her boyfriend because of the hate that Tara gave her for the smallest things. It was a huge mess. One night when Rose, Veronica, and I were at the store, I received a text from Tara asking if I had an ice pack. I said I didn't and I thought that was that. When we got home, Tara had (what was obviously make up) smeared around her eye in an effort to look like a black-eye. She was like lol it's a joke, but I thought it was really weird and messed up.
Things kind of died down a little, and then the semester ended.
​
**The Issue**
Before the semester ended, Veronica, Tara, and I had decided to room together the following semester (Rose would be doing an internship that semester). But the more Veronica and I thought about it, the more we realized that rooming with Tara would be a problem and that we needed to focus on our own sanity. We confirmed with the apartment complex that we would be able to switch rooms, and then we called Tara together. We talked to her a bit and asked how she was doing. We then brought up rooming. I said something along the lines that I think it would be a good idea if we didn't room together because of the drama last year, and that it would be better for our friendship. Tara was like ok yeah I get that, then she had to go.
The next day, Veronica and I saw that she had unfollowed us on Instagram and told Rose that she was no longer on speaking terms with us, and that we betrayed her.
A little after Fall semester started, Veronica and I contacted Tara to see if she wanted to meet up. We met up at Starbucks and caught up. Veronica and I thought things went well, and we had talked about meeting up again later. Turns out that Tara had just wanted to see us for closure and that she was done with us. She removed us from social media and basically shut us out of her life. This really hurt me because I didn't think I had done anything wrong, and it made me feel like an awful person. She ignored my texts, so I stopped trying. Are Veronica and I the assholes here or is Tara just overreacting?
​
**TL;DR**
My friend and I changed our minds and decided to not room with our other friend who had caused a lot of drama that had started to affect our own health. She cut us out of her life after.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AWq8ciGsXdFnVLVF6dVObmnw6qImS2Ux | am87l4 | null | AITA ~ Fight On The Bus | So I was on the bus a few years ago and I wen't to a special-ed school, i'm in high school now. I was sitting there and I get hit with something and its a seat belt so i'm like please don't throw shit at me I don't like that. So he says "fuck you and go fuck yourself". I'm like ok. So I sit for a while and this is where i need advice. I turn on camera and I record him about 3-4 feet from his face and he throws things at my phone and it eventually cracks the camera.
At this point I'm pissed I push him and punch him and he AGAIN throws a seatbelt at me! I am not very high on the ASD Spectrum nor is he but he was in 6th grade and I was in 8th AITA? I don't know but I think you could argue either way please gimme feedback in the comments below!
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PmWBSS3sSdpK8TtOsiGhD4v18SlAlwVS | a5rhz7 | {
"description": "telling a girl that a photo was of poor quality",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for telling a girl that a photo was of poor quality | So I was talking with a girl, we’ve been talking for about two weeks over text, and we’ve been sharing a few photos back and forth.
I’m an amateur photographer, which means I enjoy getting photos right, I work hard at what I do, and it shows in my work.
So tonight she sends me a photo, it’s of her in a pretty drab area, with shadows cast on her face, and the contrast way off. I responded “the contrast is off”
Long story short this photo is massively important because her mom hired a professional photographer to take it, and it cost a ton of money to do. And the place is important, and the whole thing is a cherished memory.
To me it looked like any other photo....
In trying to calm things down I offered to color correct the photo and send it back, since it really only needed some Lightroom work.
I got this in reply:
“i don’t have the original. I have what she gave us. and no i don’t want it “spruced up” I want my picture to be left the way it was because I love it. and that place it was taken at is a HUGE MEMORY. and now it’s slightly ruined “
So am I the asshole? Please help | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
PQyL1SAauClFAlsdwmYg8wenBUzZ4EZv | b9zs91 | {
"description": "not cooking for my family when they all left",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not cooking for my family when they all left? | Long story short, Ive been staying w my parents for 6 weeks and its been.. tense. Its my last night here, and Im moving into my new apartment tomorrow. Well i was told to make dinner tonight, I suggested something light, and was told no. I asked what everyone else wanted. Literally no one answered, then they all just left to go to a family friends house. I asked if I could tag along, was told no(granted I have a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow). So I figured Id figure out what to make when they got back. Here it is nearly 4 hours later(9:30pm), and i gave up and made myself a can of raviolis. As I was heating it up my mom called and asked if I cooked. She FREAKED when I said no, and gave me a massive guilt trip for making myself something. Am I the asshole? Should I have still waited? For reference normally we eat around 7pm, so its not like super late dinners ate the norm. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dszCKffLl9BSZnVmFvNPJbClGNiR0RDU | a9npg9 | {
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to cut ties with my dad | Hold tight lads, it's gonna be a wild ride. And probably confusing af. There will be 2 TL;DR - one at the end of the backstory, and one at the end of the actual story. Let me know if you need more info.
Backstory: my parents (Irish mother, Australian father) split up 20 years ago, and my mam moved back to Ireland with myself and my sister. Mostly because she had nothing tying her to Australia after the split with my father, and by the time they had split up, he wasn't even living with us any more. He was a cheater, emotionally manipulative, borderline physically abusive with myself and my sister because he had some very firm ideas on what discipline should be, didn't believe in celebrating Christmas or birthdays (this sounds like a first world problem, but it matters when you're 8) blamed all his behaviour either on his own mother (which is a different story altogether) or on manic depression, and as much as my mother tried to help him, he wouldn't let her, and she eventually had enough, packing up everything we owned and spending her entire savings on getting us back to Ireland. Where we have been living happily, if not ideally, for the last 20 years. I was 8 when we moved, my sister was 4.
When we moved, maternal grandparents helped out a lot, but after they passed three years after moving to ireland, I basically became a second parent to my sister. At the time, it seemed better for my sister to have two parental figures, because I was a lot more independent than my sister, even when I was her age. Even so young, I knew that I was OK with having only one parent, but I didn't want that for my sister. So I helped raise her in the only ways a preteen can. And this continued right up until I went travelling last January.
Across those 20 years, my father is still doing as he does. He was in regular contact with us at first. Phone calls, letters, a little money when he could afford it, since he was never able to hold down a job for very long. Because we were little, we relished every letter and every second of every phone call. As we got a little older, and started asking why we moved in the first place, our mam never lied to us. She told us the truth about how she had been treated. She never exaggerated about it, nor did she try to prevent us from keeping in contact with him if we wanted to, but she didn't spare us the gory details of why they split, either. If anything, she wanted us to have a relationship with our father regardless of what he had done to her.
I digress. The contact eventually petered out. We rarely heard from him, but every time he did contact us, he was all about how much he loved us and wanted a good relationship with us, despite doing nothing to prove this. As we got older, we got more and more fed up with his antics. It became a routine for him to cease all contact, then call or send something out of the blue as if no time had passed, we would call him out on this instead of things playing out the way he wanted them to, he'd get into this big pity party of "I'm a piece of shit, you don't love me" without actually doing anything to resolve the problem. He would then cease all contact with us so he could go nurse his bruised ego, rinse and repeat. This kept going straight through our teen years, and is still happening to this day.
TL;DR: father is a manipulative, abusive person who expects us to bend to his will in order to rebuild/maintain a relationship and gets butthurt when we don't.
So on to the actual story. At the start of this year, I got a job on a cruise ship. I was informed that I would need either an Australian passport or an Australian maritime visa. A call to the embassy in Dublin told me that I'm not eligible for a visa, because I'm a citizen, and that if I turned up in Australian waters with a visa, they could extradite me back to Ireland because I should have had a passport. But in order to apply for a passport, Australian law states that because I was born after 1986 I needed proof that I am a citizen of Australia. Meaning I needed to have at least one citizen parent, and be able to prove this. So I send my father a message (we're in the stage after sulking but before he's plucked up the courage to talk to us again in the hopes that we've forgotten that he's a screw up)
To his credit, he simply asks me what I need him to do, and drives from the middle of the arrapiles mountains (where he is living in a van) to a passport office in Melbourne to send official copies of his birth cert and passport to the embassy in Dublin in time for my appointment. This is probably the best thing he's done for me in the last 20 years, and I am extremely grateful for it. I tell him so. Repeatedly. Appointment goes without a hitch, a passport is approved, and before too long, I'm on a ship, which is conveniently making port in Melbourne.
He wants to meet up for a day, which I'm fine with. We spend the day talking, and he deliberately avoids talking about the way he's treated us for most of our lives. I don't push it. After the meeting he stops talking to me again, despite the distinct lack of argument. I brush it off as normal and continue with my life. I get off the ship, and move to New Zealand. He's chatting on and off over these months, nothing too serious. There's usually at least two or three months before attempts at contact, conversation for an hour or so and drops off again. At this point, my sister hasn't spoken to him in about 5 or 6 years, because she's not as forgiving as I am. She decided years ago that she was tired of the crap, and decided she wanted nothing more to do with him.
A few weeks before Christmas, my dads sister sends me a message. She wants to pay for me to travel from New Zealand to Melbourne for a visit in December. I agree to this, and she pays for literally EVERYTHING while I'm there. I think the most money I spent while I was over there was on one little ice-cream (a golden gaytime, for the curious :P)
Before I went over, I told my dad that I was going to be there, and that if he wanted a visit, I would be available for that. He proceeds to dictate how this visit is going to go. I am going to meet him in Melbourne CBD and none of his family was going to be with me. He wanted it to be just me and him for the whole day. At first, I'm OK with this.
Then my mam sends me a message saying "your sister is freaking out, your father just invited her to go to Nepal" and lo and behold, I also have a message from him, inviting me to go on holiday to Nepal. Remember, he is basically a stranger to us now, and neither of us are inclined to go places with him, least of all Nepal. We call him out on this, pointing out that neither of us are going to drop everything in order to go to Nepal with a stranger. He proceeds to tell us that it seemed like a good idea to go to "neutral territory" to talk things through and try to rebuild our relationship. My sister, understandably, tells him where to shove his trip. I tell him that grand gestures are not necessary, and that there's no such thing as neutral territory here. Especially with my sister and her volatile temper involved. He promptly starts the pity party, telling us he's all sort of horrible things and it's no wonder we don't love him. He also blames his mad idea on adhd rather than on his own assumption that we could be bought with grand gestures and that we would simply drop everything to go to Nepal for an unconfirmed amount of time. We both get fed up, explain that there are easier ways of rebuilding our relationship than ridiculously expensive holidays, and explain several of the ways he could attempt to rebuild. My main one was, you know, actually getting to know us as human beings rather than inanimate objects that stop existing when he stops talking to us. We also spell out in plain speech exactly why our relationship is the way it is. Everything he's done to us. Every eyewatering detail. His response?
I don't get it.
After all that, he doesn't understand what he has to do in an attempt to rebuild our relationship. He doesn't understand why we won't accept his many excuses any more. He doesn't understand why mental illness is NOT an excuse for being an arsehole. He doesn't understand why we won't just forgive him and pretend like nothing happened.
So back to my time in Melbourne, when we were supposed to meet up. I decided to change the rules, and bring my aunt (his sister) with me to the meeting, because I'm no longer comfortable with the idea of spending an entire day alone with him. So she comes with me, and we go to an art exhibition. My dad looks like he's swallowed a lemon crusted in rock salt, and instead of enjoying the exhibition with us, proceeds to avoid us for the entire time we're in there. On the plus side, he seemed to enjoy it. He refuses to speak to either of us until we go to lunch, deliberately choosing somewhere he would like because he's vegan. He finally brings himself to talk to us over a cheap (and rather unpleasant) vegan meal, which he thoroughly enjoys, and leaves after an hour. He goes back to not speaking to me afterwards, and I haven't heard from him since.
When I am with his siblings and mother during my Melbourne visit, he's a regular topic of conversation. They all know what he's like by now. One sister, his brother and mother are all OK with me venting my anger over the entire situation, and wouldn't blame me for wanting to cut ties. One sister doesn't agree. She thinks I should push through and make an effort because he's my father. I'm of two minds. I'm a 28 year old woman at this point, I've put up with this for so long, I don't know if I have the patience for it any more. It's never going to change as long as my dad doesn't make any effort from his side.
TL;DR: father invites my sister and I on a crazy adventure | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bhTWe8urtosA0okuG5rGnMc4z6wMhpuX | aldu4o | {
"description": "ignoring people who are trying to lecture me",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring people who are trying to lecture me? | This morning, I was in my building's laundry room doing my laundry before classes, and I hadn't showered yet so I was wearing a tea shirt and sweat pants. While I was putting my clothes into the washer an old lady told me that I should be more respectful and not wear sweat pants and "such a ratty shirt" when I'm outside my apartment. I told her that I'm just coming up to do my laundry and I'll change after I shower, and she tells me that I need to "have some respect for the world" and dress nicely whenever I am outside. At this point I am expecting that she just wants to bitch me out and I don't really want to have a conversation about it so I just say "no thanks" and pretend I can't hear her while she keeps lecturing me and complaining about me to other people coming in and out of the laundry room, and she even follows me down the hall to the elevators (though luckily not into the elevator with me).
Was I being an asshole here or is there no other better way to handle this? Also I have no idea if it is really wrong to wear a tea shirt and sweat pants in my building, as far as I know we don't have a dress code and it's not like they have holes in them or stains or anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mdbK5Fpk3VnB4fcaqC8eg6pHBOSuZs2l | b9h3cd | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend because she has brain cancer",
"pronormative_score": 68,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for leaving my girlfriend because she has brain cancer? | We're both 21 and have been dating for a little less than 4 months.
​
I had a huge wall of text backstory but decided it was all unnecessary so to make a long story short, my girlfriend was diagnosed with Glioblastoma. It's a very aggressive brain tumor. From my limited understanding, most people diagnosed don't live for another 5 years.
​
She told me two weeks ago, and I've been supporting everyday. She's always depressed, gets panic attacks, doesn't want to do anything. She's failing all of her classes and is in the process of getting a leave of absence.
​
Well 2 days ago, I couldn't take the stress anymore. I know it's not about me, but it was just too much. We've known each other for barely a semester. I'm young. The relationship was fine; no huge problems, but it was second one in total. I just don't want to continue falling for someone who has a 20% chance to die in the next 5-years. I don't know if this is selfish, but the effect on my mental health was just too much. So I told her that I couldn't do this relationship anymore. It seemed to go amicable enough (she was obviously hurt), we both shed some tears, but in terms of how it ended, I wouldn't say it was the worst.
​
Well since, my phone has been blowing up. People are messaging me on facebook, twitter, texting, etc to say how huge of an asshole I am for leaving someone because they have cancer. I've since deactivated my social media and blocked everyone who tried to text me, but the barrage and cruelty of the messages still hurt. Like, I understand if this was a long-term committed relationship, but it was just 4 months. I didn't sign up to be a widow as a college student.
​
I wanted an unbiased opinion; am I really the asshole for leaving someone with cancer?
​
TL;DR: Title. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 45,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 68,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
eO1HS9Q6kUCvJzYmSSohhTx7KiPTIomU | b1liwu | {
"description": "telling one of my coworkers to stop talking on the register",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling one of my coworkers to stop talking on the register? | So I work at a retail location, and I am a trainer there, in the past we have had issues with customers getting angry about employees having personal talk while on register, so trainers are told to stop that,
The person that was doing that was a friend, I pulled him over when it was a break in the lines and told him to remember to not cross talk while on registers, maybe a little harshly.
He know thinks I think I am better than him and trying to belittle him, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dQRbvQVbsx27ZRRFKMiWX5e88aLT3Cdc | aj27v7 | {
"description": "'politically charging' my 2 year old by dressing them in a t-shirt that references climate change",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for ‘politically charging’ my 2 year old by dressing them in a t-shirt that references climate change? | I bought my 2 year old son a t-shirt that has a catchy slogan on it about preserving the Arctic. I’m a pretty eco-conscious person and the money I spent on the shirt went to an organisation that raises awareness for the topic, not just a random amazon seller or whatever.
Today, he was wearing it and we bumped into an old family friend who is a retired pastor. His first reaction was genuine anger, and asked me what the hell I was thinking making my son wear that shirt. At first I was confused but then put two and two together. He said I was using my child as a pawn for a political issue and that children should not be included in discussions like that. I hadn’t even thought about that when I bought the shirt for him, I can now why some people would not like it but I disagree that it’s a political point of view (or at least it shouldn’t be) and I was NOT trying to spark a debate by dressing him in it.
So yeah, asshole or not? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 49,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
rz3mDV00Q45PxikQSe7UJj0tUAdxM68L | aeaxix | {
"description": "trying to quickly talk to my friend who was near my recent ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to quickly talk to my friend who was near my recent ex? | I'm not on mobile but I still don't know how to format so I have no excuses.
​
So to provide some pre-story context everyone involved is in high school and around the 15/16 age range and this occurred during school at the end of the day before boarding buses.
I recently, about a month ago, broke of with my girlfriend of just over 3 years. And as it was a first relationship for both of us it was very difficult (especially for her). The reason for the break up was that I had simply lost feeling for her and thought it would be best to end things so it wouldn't hurt more in the future. I did so in what I thought was a very amicable way; I kept reinforcing how much she had meant to me for the last 3 years and that I really did love her up until that moment and that it would be better for both of us to end it now. She was in tears and so was I. At the end of the conversation she told me her feelings and that she hoped we could still be friends after we both get over everything.
Once school started up again on Monday, I was careful to try not to cross paths with her or ever interact with her too much. Normally a few friends, her, and I would meet at her locker at the end of the day and talk for a while (this is important) but of course this didn't happen with me anymore, I would just go straight to my bus instead and they would still meet.
Fast forward to today: I just got the news that I could start playing french horn in an after school band and that I should start learning (I normally play trumpet). Excited, I wanted to tell my friends who were talking a few lockers away from my ex (which I thought was a respectable distance). I walk over and tell them when all of a sudden my ex's sister, who we'll call L, comes over to me and starts yelling really loud at me that I shouldn't be there and that her sister(my ex) was right there. She told me to basically fuck off and go somewhere else while she was the one making a scene and drawing attention to us.
I cannot deal with confrontation very well so I almost start crying because I'm still not entirely over the whole break up either. I try not to show this though so while I am biting my lip I tell her I'm not doing anything wrong.
At this point I'm getting super anxious and nearly in tears and she tells me she's about to hit me if I don't get away. So I just walk away with one last, "Fuck off".
​
On the bus, I'm shaking like crazy trying to calm down and I feel like an absolute prick for just existing somewhat near my ex. I have been actively trying to make things easy for both of us in the whole situation and keep the pain minimal. I never wanted to hurt her and wouldn't stand there just to make things worse, but I also took into consideration that it's been more than a month and thought that standing 5 feet away from my ex wouldn't be a big deal.
So, am I the asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
S8q9jSK9beGFKMBroh8pZAFI6XB8bt9V | b2hnbr | {
"description": "cutting off parents",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut off parents | I have two older brothers and one younger sister, my eldest sibling still lives with my parents. My second eldest brother moved over 200 miles away to the bottom of the country (England), my parents will regularly go down to visit him (even though, as northerners, we detest the south). We aren’t close, but we’re there when needed.
Now my mother and I have very rarely seen eye to eye throughout our relationship, so things have always been up and down with her, she can be ridiculously petty. A few years ago when I moved into my own house, my mother would refuse to come over and insist that I go to their house to see them, which I would regularly do at first, however I don’t drive myself, so it’d be a case of taking multiple buses to get there, bear in mind that I also work full time.
She took it super personally that I didn’t get chance to visit very often and wouldn’t really speak to me much. I got a passive aggressive text from her out of the blue one day saying that it was nice of me to come and visit my dad while he’d been in hospital. So I immediately called her and asked what she was talking about and she told me that my dad had had an accident and had been asking for me to come and visit him and was really upset that I hadn’t visited. Nobody had told me anything.
My sister got married a few years ago and my mum spent six months beforehand slating my sister behind her back because this wasn’t the wedding she would choose herself and then she was miserable at the wedding itself which really brought the mood down for my sister on what should’ve been the happiest day of her life and she basically forced the entire side of our family that were at the wedding to leave early because she was the one who had arranged the transportation for us the get home.
Now I got engaged a few months ago, my siblings were happy for me however when I told my mum, literally all she said to me was “oh, how nice.”
For the last week I’ve been ridiculously sick. I’m not registered with a GP in this area yet as I was reluctant to leave my family doctors (keep in mind that the doctors surgery is literally a 2 minute walk from my parents house). So I made an appointment and called my parents and asked whether they were busy at all on that day, they confirmed that they would be home and not doing anything that day so I asked whether they’d be willing to pick me up and take me to my appointment and I could spend some time with them afterwards if they wanted and my father just straight up said no he couldn’t and my mum said I could still visit if I wanted though, then my dad hung up before letting me speak any more.
Thinking about the fact that these are two people that will literally travel twenty times as far to see one sibling, still let one sibling live with them and will pretty much do anything for another sibling since she got pregnant. Honestly I’m tired of trying to make things work with them when they so clearly don’t give a shit.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ql3Uqywd1SaqvS1s5QeMPWXRwr9EsFOQ | altop3 | {
"description": "getting angry at my manager and reporting her to the GM for the way she treated me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at my manager and reporting her to the GM for the way she treated me? | I've been working at a fast food restaurant in my town for the past five months and I've never had an issue with anybody else who works there, until last night.
I was in the kitchen with one of my managers and a coworker, when the manager asked me to mop the floor. As I was mopping, she and the coworker were in my way and wouldn't move. I didn't think about asking them to move because I assumed they didn't need to be asked, but they just stood there having a nonchalant conversation because it wasn't that busy at the time. After I backed away from them and continued mopping, my manager said "You suck at mopping." Right to my face.
I replied with "I know" because I didn't know how else to respond to her remark without getting all bent out of shape. The thing is, I already had experience with mopping at a different restaurant. Being told that I suck at something that I'm experienced in by somebody higher up really pissed me off. After she said that, I could see the coworker snickering to himself.
Later on, she asked me to wash the dishes. When we were in the back, she told me to "pay attention" to what I was doing. I have ADD. You can probably imagine how I felt after being told to pay attention for the 5 billionth time in addition to being insulted by a manager. I proceeded to angrily wash the dishes and then went back to the kitchen when I was done.
After she left for the night, I went over to the only other manager that was present in the building (who just so happens to be the GM's son) and explained to him what happened. He told me that I could write a note to the GM that described my problem and leave it in the office for her to read the next morning, since he's never had to deal with a situation like mine before and that there was nothing he could do about it since he wasn't one of the higher-ups.
So that's what I did. I spent the last few minutes of my shift writing about how I interpreted the manager's comments as unprofessional and rude and that I wanted something to be done about the whole ordeal. I left the note in the office and then went home.
Fast forward to today -- I'm feeling nervous about going back to work. The store normally opens at 6 A.M., which means the note was probably discovered by one of the higher-ups earlier this morning while I was getting ready for school. I can't predict what will happen at work today. Will the GM or one of the higher-ups confront the manager? Will I get in trouble for leaving the note in the office? What will happen between me and the manager? I just don't know. I'll have to wait and see. I have to go back in an hour and 5 minutes. Wish me luck. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
s12zpOCCjSi8ID3zMtPKmv8pcUAZseys | 9yh5t6 | {
"description": "taking my kids to church",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA- taking my kids to church? | My husband believes in God but hates organized religion. I did for a while too, but stated feeling like I need to go to church. He doesn’t want our three kids to be forced to go to church. Church services are Saturday night or Sunday morning. He golfs most Sundays and always has. For a few months, I have been trying to go Saturday nights... Saturday nights just don’t work into our schedules. Saturday’s are huge family days, so for me to leave at 4:30pm in the middle of the family time is hard. We take family time very seriously. So Saturday’s have not worked out. Sunday’s he doesn’t want to give up golf, which I completely understand. It’s the only thing he really does for me-time. But he doesn’t want the kids to go to church with me. We don’t have a reliable babysitter situation. So I end up just not going to church when I feel in my heart, I should be going most of the time. Well it’s been a few months since I’ve been trying to go and Sunday I felt like I absolutely needed to and brought the kids with me. I didn’t send them to the Sunday School Class and they just colored the entire time. Am I the Asshole here? He feels like if it’s important to me I would go Saturday’s, but I feel that family time is important too. He pissed I brought the kids. I told him in the morning before he went to golf that I was going to, but he didn’t think I was serious. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
1yCumk04YX9RnlTmozesmQM0UZxgbqlS | aopnlc | {
"description": "not liking my \"friends\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Not liking my “friends” | Note: I am Av
My “friends” are David, Connor,
We’re all hanging out right? I join the vc and I hear David say “Ava is so toxic” ( Note: Toxic is thrown around like a beach ball here at my school,so yeah ) “Huh?” I say because they were clearly talking about me “Ava is so toxic on discord” “What?” I say trying to defend myself “At lest she didn’t hear us” says Connor “Oh yeah I heard you” I say back in extreme anger. I leave. Later, Connor pings everyone in my discord server. I kick him in a minute, because pinging is annoying and some people in my server have jobs and work; etc. Connor comes to me to say “I will yeet you”. When he first starts I say “I’m really tired of your shit” (Note: they think I’m innocent and don’t curse) I say that and it makes me mad but you don’t care. He says “your mad because your toxic” “your the one to talk” I say back. “I won’t miss you next year” ( we’re graduating ) “shut your chicken nugget headass” “ I don’t know why your mad” I say, considering his role in this had literally nothing to do with why I was mad. “ I’m not lol” he says, clearly lying. During this I was shaking. Compressing my anger, someone has to be the mature one in these situations. (Skipping some of the conversation because it has no matter besides he just calls me toxic again ) “you can’t call me toxic and not expect me to be mad” I say kinda annoyed. He calls me toxic again. “Thanks,”I say. “I find it funny how you liked me last month but now calling me toxic” “I didn’t like you it was a prank” he says. “At least the feeling was mutual” I say ( he asked me out, I never answered because we were “friends” and this isn’t the first time he’s had a crush on me ) “Shut yo bubble gum dum dum toxic acting like a 5yr old on steroids woman child head ass up” he says. “ you light skin ( I’m black and he’s Hispanic and I am darker than him by a lot ) you look like a mountain with all that acne ( don’t have a lot of acne, barely any actually” “thanks” I say absorbing my anger, still shaking, not believing this “Five head looking” sends a picture of me “ you feel better now?” I ask “no im angry” he says. “Dang I expected you to block me by now” “ I compress my emotions, I say” “no you don’t” he says. Then basically he mocks me, accuses me of liking this random boy in my class. Then he leaves.
This isn’t the first time this happened. They call me toxic yet I never talk about them behind their back, never get mad at them, and frankly only make sarcastic remarks, yet I’m always the blame. Emotionally abusing me, never considering how I feel. After all, I’m just stupid Ava! I like Disney and Nintendo and I don’t curse! I’m just always happy! Toxic Ava the annoying bitch is who I am to them and now myself! I used to be that way, 3 years ago. I used to be confident now I’m shy and scared to talk to new people, and being self conscious about my hair, my clothes, my face, and everything. Other people I have met I don’t have the problem with. Like my friend in 6th grade, she’s so nice and fun. We don’t have problems and we talk daily. I want to know if I’m the asshole so when we graduate I don’t ever have to talk to these stupid whiny face friends again!
Summary: I get emotionally abused by fake friends | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GrRcEP2mchWMOyK8E4iq06LQrPqJM5wY | ani8zl | {
"description": "breaking things off with my fiancé after discovering some Facebook Pictures kissing another girl on the cheek and pecking another on the lips",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for breaking things off with my fiancé after discovering some Facebook Pictures kissing another girl on the cheek and pecking another on the lips? | Okay, so I hope you can help me, because this dude is either really good in manipulating or I really was The Asshole in this scenario. If I actually was and I overreacted, I need to apologize to him and live with the consequences of my actions. So, advice is appreciated, because I think I am losing my mind.
This will be a long one, so buckle up for a whole lot my drama.
So, I am with my fiancé for 4 years now. I was married once already and he cheated on me, which is why I am pretty paranoid to be cheated on again. I may be biased on regards to this topic, but I always did my best to not let my relationship get hurt by the actions of my shitty ex.
My fiancé is a *very* handsome guy. I am not saying that because I love him, but because he really is the epitome of all manliness. Dark, tall, eyes as deep brown as rich chocolate. Mid brown hair. I was so shocked when I figured he was attracted to *me*. But my lack of self esteem is for another sub.
So, since my fiancé looks really good he is often flirted on by other women (and men) who may not realize that I was with him. But instead of blocking these people who were clearly stripping him with his eyes like I did on the rare occasions that I was hit on, he would play along. Smile. Be funny. Be nice. Be adorable. One time, even pulling the chair up for *another girl*. Whenever I would confront him and explain to him how much he hurt my feelings, he would say I was overreacting, that he only loved me and that I should stop being so jealous. And he would always *always* bring up my ex who cheated on me, that this was the reason I would give him such a hard time for being "nice".
So I tried to to shrug it off, even though it killed me inside. I figured he may be right and I should let loose a little bit, that this was a small price to pay for such a loving future husband.
But last week I couldn't take it anymore. I saw two Facebook pictures with two blonde women one where he was kissing a girl on the cheek and one where he was kissing another girl on the *lips*. Yes, it was not a full on French kiss, it was more of a peck. Both pictures where under a picture gallery *hanging with the bestiieees". I have never seen this women before. He told me he would go to play FIFA with his buddies from work.
When I confronted him once again he called me stupid and that he would never cheat on me, that he would at least try to hide the evidence if he were and that he did play FIFA with the guys and then figured he would go party. When he came back from this "party" he didn't smell of alcohol or anything that indicated he really was.
I broke it off with him. He is since blowing up my phone how it was unfair and that he didn't want to lose his future wife over something that small.
He is not depended on me financially or socially or in any kind of way. It sucks to admit but I think I need him more than he needs me.
But please guys : Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
R2m81XDpVv6GpVKMmoXiT57sV3SRBu1S | ay83f5 | null | Wibta | There is this girl who has ruined my life for the last two years.He took over everything I liked because it was in her interest and I have no way to get rid of her and I finally cut her loose and she still makes me feel terrible randomly. Would itMake me an a hole to post a picture of her on our/roast me. No one else would see put me and it would be for my own enjoyment. Please vote so I know your opinions. Thank you | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
M85A8mJYH0Z6EJ0P8YiemzICMN8pOpSw | aynqo6 | {
"description": "ditching my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ditching my friend | I'm a high schooler who is currently participating in a business competition. Recently I managed to get second place in the state-level round and will be moving on to the international competition. Since I competed solo, and the event I'm competing in allows teams of up to three, I had the opportunity to add two people who didn't get past the state round to my team and have them compete with me at the international round.
​
My event is pretty popular, so I got upwards of 10 requests to join my team within a day. One of the people who asked had placed top 10 in the international round last year, so I respected her skills immensely and immediately accepted her request. We both had past experience with teams of three that were disasters and decided to just keep our event as a team of two. Now all I had to do was say no to all of the others, a VERY uncomfortable task for me.
​
One of the people asking me was a longtime friend. Last year, he had been picked up by someone else and requested that I join the team as well, essentially getting me my first experience in the international round. I was super grateful about this, and this year he seemed to want to cash in on his kindness, essentially saying that because he got me picked last year, I owe him.
​
Now all things considered, he is really smart and would be valuable. My problem was, however, that this friend is incredibly lazy. Last year, I was forced to do 85% of the work that should have been split among three people, while the other two did basically nothing (part of the reason I did not want a team of three this year). He has a reputation for being lazy and not doing any work among my friends, and I knew he wouldn't pull his weight if I brought him along. This, combined with the fact that I only wanted a team of two, lead me to reject him.
​
He was the only person out of the 10+ people I had to reject who took it terribly. He called me a terrible person and essentially broke off our friendship for the time-being. There were arguably closer friends that I had to reject who were really mature about it, although they didn't help me out last year like he did. I talked to my sister about it and she immediately told me I'm the asshole, all the way, but a couple of our mutual friends agree that I made the right decision. So I wondered what reddit would think. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nNeZMOsVYwHXMJXdbdkHOx6cID55wXUk | a0stxn | {
"description": "putting my hair up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting my hair up? | Weird title I know. Basically I got in an argument with my mum this morning about my hair. It’s long so I’ve put it in a ponytail like normal people do. Anyway my mum was angry when she saw, she claims I put my hair up too tight and I’m starting to loose some. I’ve been to the doctors in the past about loosing some hair, but they’ve said it’s nothing to worry about; however, my mum thinks differently and will tell me off about it. I love her to bits, she’s amazing, but I’m sick of being told what to do and what not to do when it comes to my hair so now I’ve left her crying while off to uni. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JIAvrrRbs8w4rmzocYwowzdg3IL31eBO | ba4ow0 | {
"description": "not wanting to date people with mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to date people with mental health issues | I posted this before with details, but got removed because I guess it was too detailed. So basically what the title asks.
I’m a caring and supportive person by nature. My last two relationships have had a lot of difficult moments. Not because of our connection or relationship issues, but because of my SO issues which I end up getting heavily involved in. I’m just tired after two three year relationships that brought the same stress.
I ask this because I just went on my first date since my last breakup and she was awesome. After the date she added me on Facebook and her page is all of the “toomeirl” type posts and self deprecating stuff that gets the “me” or “this” caption. [example ](https://imgur.com/a/CC4p2WT)
I’m a healthy guy both mentally and physically. I’m surprised the mental toll of the last 6 years hasn’t effected that. I see positivity in everything. My entire young adult life has been dictated by others problems though and I don’t think I would ever want to have that situation again in a relationship.
I don’t plan on going on a second date she wants to go on. I’m not going to say why, but am I being an asshole behind closed doors? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QapbV9yIrgbT26zl5x6LK8Q4gPe5sDcb | 9xb5ng | {
"description": "not lying to my wife about weight loss",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not lying to my wife about weight loss? | (A little lengthy backstory, but you can skip down to the fourth paragraph if you're only interested in the here and now aspect.)
So, my wife and I have been together for almost 7 years. When we first met, she was what most guys call "thick". Very small waisted, bigger thighs, big butt, and very big breasts. She was also only 18, so the youth factor helped a lot with that. I was a very lean 200 pounds, and have until recently, been a very physically active person, taking part in rec league flag football, softball, and soccer. I never "let myself go" until the last year and a half, but I also made the conscious decision that I was not going to stay that way. When I stepped on the scale day one, it read 319 pounds. I stand 6'2", and a lot of people would be nice and say things like, "You carry your weight well." But I always knew what they meant. My wife (I will not disclose her height/weight), has always been the bigger of us two until I started gaining weight.
Almost exactly a year ago, I decided to get back into shape, and in doing so, my wife felt encouraged to join. We have a young son, so we quickly set up a regiment where we both got ample and fair amounts of time to do our work outs. At first, she was very excited to wake up and do a morning walk, and then some light exercise. It seemed like she really enjoyed the changes we made, so I never took it upon myself to push her towards working out. She works full time, and she's an adult, so I let her decide what is best for her body.
During the last year, my wife has used her gym pass a whopping 22 times. Yes, not even once every other week, and a majority of that was the first couple weeks we started. I took more advantage, and have had great success. All my vitals improved, and I feel so much more confidence.
This is where I need my question answered: With holidays approaching, family has been coming in from all over the States, and seeing as I have shed roughly 70 pounds since the last holidays, it's easy to notice. My wife on the other hand, received none of that, for she has actually gained weight since we began this. This sparked her to hit the gym everyday for the last five days after work. She has done more working out this week than she may have ever done in the last year. The last two days have been filled with, "Don't I look much thinner?" Or "Look, this love handle is disappearing." Although nothing was changing. I always have a simple short "Yes dear." Or "Oh that's great!" Until I finally just could not hear it anymore, and told her the truth.
"Sweetie, I know you've been working really hard this week, and that's great. You need to really keep it up if you want to see any changes though. So far you're the only one seeing any of the results you're talking about."
That was enough to send her on a spiral of saying I was "Calling her fat" and "not believing in her." Led by long phone calls to her sisters. I have been asked to "Just apologize already." Although I feel I have no need to. I worked my ass off to lose the weight we agreed to lose together, and now that I'm the only one who kept up our agreement, I feel she needs to hear it unfiltered.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ZGzrEX1tzI2X9kmf79t0S6T0hobUzIdp | aa5t6a | {
"description": "making my roommate look racist causing teachers and higher-ups to really dislike him so I could change rooms",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my roommate look racist causing teachers and higher-ups to really dislike him so I could change rooms? | My roommate and I as people were not compatible, we had very different standards, morals, interests, and political views, this caused us to argue incessantly. We both felt very uncomfortable in our own rooms. He threw trash and his clothes on the floor and was very messy in general, when I asked him to clean up he would clean up a little bit but then the next day it would be messy again. He was very loud and he blasted music at night and in the morning, even while I was trying to do my work, my roommate would blast music and when I asked him to put headphones on he said that he didn't want to use headphones because the music wouldn't sound as good. He masturbated at night while I was trying to sleep, and because we were in a bunk bed he shook the bed and kept me up and uncomfortable. His argument usually consisted of how I should have expected a situation like this because we were young and because it was a boarding school. We had many more issues and many more politically heated arguments but I am not one to cause trouble or to snitch.
It wasn't until later when things began to escalate, I am a person of color and my native language is not English, in an argument when I began to stutter he said that "I needed to learn how to speak English". At first, I did not think that the comment was meant to insult my ability to speak English based on where I was from, but later in another argument where I complained about our school, he stated that "Maybe I should go back home", I began to feel somewhat uncomfortable. It wasn't until he said that "Americans are smarter than (my countries people)" that I got really mad.
We clearly were not getting along and I wanted something to change, while I do not believe that he was a racist person, what he said was certainly insulting. I never discussed these issues with other students because I did not want to make people think he was a racist and ruin his year but he would often misrepresent the situation to other students. I did, however, tell my counselor EVERYTHING that we were having trouble with (except the masturbation part) so I could change roommates. While I did tell my counselor that I did not think he was a racist, the comments he made that I provided as examples certainly made him look that way. This issue reached the higher-ups and eventually all the faculty.
I did not move rooms because it was an "impossibility" but my roommate began to complain to other students that he felt that he was being treated differently and that he had been scolded multiple times by teachers for his behavior against me. I didn't end up bettering my situation and I worsened his, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cbx7mClVpBJWyiTwxewMNWSuEQVJswxe | avwisl | {
"description": "\"sugar coating\" a religious practice",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for "sugar coating" a religious practice? | Background: I have a friend from Asia, Jan, that I met through an online class and her (American's) husband's Jack work just happened to bring her to my area last spring. We are the same age and have kids of the same age. She grew up without much "religion" but an incredibly different culture. Jan knows almost nothing about Christianity except for the idea of Christmas. I know nothing about said Asian culture except maybe the basis of Lunar New Year. We both love cooking and make cultural food for each other constantly. We also talk about everything in relation to food trends, like Atkins, Paleo, intermittent fasting, etc. Anything food. I help her with English and idioms and she's teaching me her language. To me, it's basically a storybook friendship of different worlds and fast friends. We respectfully learn about (and sometimes choose to participate in) each-other's cultures.
​
At a party (here read a bunch of people over my house extremely casual) Jan and I were talking and I was asking for her best vegetarian recipes because I was thinking of going vegetarian for Lent and beans aren't that common in her culture (one of the things I can't do). She wondered what Lent was and I said it was a time that people in my religion remember those who sacrificed for us and make sacrifices of our own to remember that we are going to die and so we fast and choose a sacrifice to remember that. She thought it was a fabulous idea and feeling a bit separated from her culture asked Jack if they could try it. My husband's friend Mark made a disgusted noise and left the room, I assumed, because he was somehow offended by the vegetarian idea.
​
After Jan left Mark starts laying into me about how terrible I am for whitewashing my religion and making the practices of bunch of pedos appealing to others. He said if I'm going to talk about my hypocritical religion for weak minded people who can't handle doing things for their own health and wellness and not some fake God then I must disclose things like the name of said fake God as well as the "shameful truth" of my backwards practices.
​
I told him to shut the fuck up and that he can go circle jerk with the atheists any time he wanted but he can't tell me how I talk about religion to my friends.
​
He started to go into another tear about how I'm just another hypocritical liar before my husband shut it down.
​
My husband refuses to weigh in and said that his friend and I had "equally valid opinions on the matter". Obviously, I feel his friend is a jackass and I'm not going to invite him if he needs to add such commentary. Since I plan gatherings I've quietly removed his name from any of the facebook invitation lists going forward and told hubby that he can add him back once he talks to his friend about behaving himself.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
utuSJPDUMy9HHNgHcz0gZoK5SgjYD2OS | azl1xh | {
"description": "expecting people to talk to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for expecting people to talk to me? | I'm a new kid at a certain high school in grade 11. Every day right before lunch, we go to our homeroom/advisory classroom. For the uninitiated, this is a 20 minute period for announcements, but if there's none you can chat or do homework.
The people in my advisory aren't mean to me or anything, they just ignore me. I sit at the back all alone while the other girls (I'm a girl too) chat with each other. They know I haven't made any friends, because I usually stay in for lunch (they usually do too) and browse my phone. I sometimes sit close to them and try to initiate conversation, but they'll give me one word answers and go back to talking among themselves.
AITA for expecting the girls in my advisory to talk to me when I'm sitting alone in my advisory classroom at lunch? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
plPr1k1SD1iORKdTOOWFvzGsVU5ZzQaM | a6hkgv | {
"description": "telling a neighbour to f*** off over noise complaints",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling a neighbour to f*** off over noise complaints? | My new neighbour has only moved in a week and hes already been over about noise complaints.
He's complained about the dog barking non stop. My dog does bark when people are passing or when someone is at the door but we have never had complaints about constant barking and the time frames he's giving just don't allow for the barking he says is happening as I've been there. It seems my dog is barking for a minute or two and he's significantly over exaggerating it but I have ordered a camera just to check and ensure he's not being overly disruptive. We've never had complaints about him before and we've had him for 8 years now so it just seems unlikely the noise he is producing is unacceptable.
He complained about a night of drinking we had. I had a few people round and we likely were louder than normal. This is a one off for us and even at that it was over and silent by 1:30am.
He's also complained about just general noise including talking and the tv.
On the last complaint I told him there's a level of noise to be expected living in terraced houses and I didn't feel any of the noise being made was unreasonable. The noise definitely isn't occurring for extended periods of time or at very late or early times. The complaints aren't exactly being phrased in a friendly way either. It's not a "hey guys you were a bit loud last night, mind keeping it down?" It's a warning that he'll phone the council on us. Were not worried about this as the council will ask other neighbours and ask for proof before taking action.
On top of this his house was being renovated for months on end after he purchased it, I was woken at 8:30am on my days off work for months and not once complained. In his defence I've heard very little noise from him otherwise. He's generally very quiet around the house. He didn't have a house warming or anything and other than normal doors closing and footsteps on the stairs we don't hear much from him so that could be why in his eyes even a few minutes of noise from us is unacceptable.
Does he have the right to complain the second he hears noise or is there an amount of noise from neighbours that should be expected? It seems unrealistic to me for him expect a neighbour to never have friends over, have a dog that never barks and never make noise that can be heard right next door. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
CxjxraxpJBFYvzafjXCda5WJj4b5G7m4 | al5cea | {
"description": "not listening to my mum",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not listening to my mum? | !!!TW: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND EATING DISORDERS!!!
Okay so, I'm in middle school and I have really bad anxiety and kinda bad depression, I also have really really low self esteem and have an ED (please hear me out I'm not just saying this). I've been cutting for around a year now and I've mostly managed to hide it, but a while ago (I don't remember the time I'm sorry) my mum found out. She had walked into my room and forced me to show her my arms, she yelled at me. A lot. She was saying things like "you're going to get taken away or forced to go to your dads if you don't stop!" (my mum and biological father (I don't like calling him my "dad" for personal reasons) were not married when they had me so ever since I was born it's they've been in a custody battle) And "don't you like living here?! They're gonna take you away if you don't stop it!!!" and other things like that.
I stood there and took it while trying not to cry. Once she left me alone I broke down sobbing and called my friend Jazz (my bff and the person I go to with my problems, he's also the only person I've ever actually believed when he says he cares about me.) and I told him everything. He calmed me down and helped me out best as he could, he's an absolutely amazing friend and I'm so lucky to have him as my friend (although I'm pretty sure I don't deserve someone as great as him).
After that she had started forcing me to show her my arms every day, and if I said no she'd threatened to tell my biological father that I cut. Anytime she saw that I had cut she would yell at me really harshly. It used to make me cry but now I just get really pissed at her afterwards, although I do tend to repeat her words in my head and it makes me feel like shit. She eventually stopped making show her my arms, but if she managed to catch me with cuts she'd still yell at me but what she said had changed.
Something to note, I text my friend Jazz literally every day, and my mum has went through and read my texts with him before (fucking bitch disrespecting my privacy). Since I complain to him about my problems and tell him all the stupid shit that goes on in my head, she probably learned some stuff.
At this point I should point out that I have a bit of an empathy problem, I only have empathy for people I care about, if I don't care about them then I could care less if they got hurt or died. And its actually kinda funny to me when people get hurt. And the thing is I've never really cared about any of my family, I don't know why, I just never have. So my mum had started being slightly nice to me about my cutting, and she had actually tried to help me a bit: she gave me a notebook and told me that anytime I wanted to cut I could write in that instead and she told me no matter what she would never read it. I, not giving a shit about her and honestly wishing she would just ignore the fact that I cut, I didn't ever write in that notebook or even pick it up. I just threw it in the floor and left it.
So then after that, she started getting mad at me for cutting again. She changed what she said though. When she saw I had cut she would now say "stop doing that just to get that boys (Jazz's) attention!" and other things like that. That really really hurt cause I've always been self conscious that people will find out I cut and just think I'm doing it for attention, especially since it's a stereotype that people who cut for pleasure/attention cut horizontally and people who cut vertically are actually cutters (I cut horizontally just because that's how I learned to do it and because I find it easier to cut with a razor blade that way).
Now she still says things like that and other things about me just doing it for attention. Like "you can find whatever attention your looking for elsewhere!!!" and shit like that. It really really hurts and only makes me want to cut more and makes me feel suicidal.
Am I the asshole in this for just wanting her to forget I cut and to just leave me alone or is she the asshole for yelling at me and saying that stuff to me? Please help me here.
(I'm so sorry for any mistakes I made in this or anything I said wrong. Please don't gat mad at me.)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
wGjtNXg8FRSCOUIaTZtvGKLRcr5acj53 | b4uwj3 | {
"description": "using the opposite gender's bathroom for an emergency",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using the opposite gender's bathroom for an emergency. | I went to a family-owned Indian buffet with a friend tonight, and although the food was good, the spices and 4 cups of mango lassi pretty much went right through me. My stomach started grumbling and I knew I would not be able to hold it in until I got home. I ran to the men's bathroom but it was locked. I tried to be patient, took deep breaths, and pulled out my phone to distract me. It was probably only 30 seconds, but it felt like an eternity and I could feel stuff inching out. I saw a lady come out of the women's bathroom, and I rushed right in. Diarrhea spewed out of me before I even got a chance to sit down. I was in there for a solid 10 minutes but felt pressured to leave because someone had been knocking about 4 or 5 times already. When I got out, an old Indian lady was standing outside(I think she was one of the cooks/grandma in the family) and started cursing (in her native tongue so I didn't really understand her) and wagging her finger at me and pointing to the female sign on the door. I was so embarrassed I ran past my friend and told him I'd wait in the car. He was laughing hysterically at the whole thing. I felt so guilty, but I was literally going to shit myself if I had waited any longer and that would have been even more embarrassing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lGDNilz34IK3uwCzwvPegdggFMMzhErP | b4wvh3 | {
"description": "quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I quit my job? | I work a really nondescript office job, most of the time is spent cleaning up excel speadsheets and answering calls and e-mails. It’s really boring, pays little and I have a lot of trouble sitting at a desk for 8h each day. I’ve worked there for like 6 months now.
The problem is I told them at the interview that I’m looking for a stable, long-term employment. The training period was really long and a lot of effort for my colleagues (so if I quit I will really inconvenience them).At the end there was a feedback meeting and they asked me if the job matched what I was expecting and I said yes. What I didn’t say was that I had misjudged myself:I thought I’m really lazy so a boring office job would be perfect for me, but it turns out I was wrong. Now I can also see the first effectson my health.
Would I be the asshole if I quit, seemingly out of the blue? Thanks for any feedback or advice you have for me. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MbrYYC6Kcear8bBxKgHFQBRwBjwDYkEZ | akdcnt | {
"description": "continuously reminding my friend to close the door to the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for continuously reminding my friend to close the door to the bathroom? | My best friend (M25) and I(M24) have known each other for close to 10 years now, we've always lived in different ends of the country so when we see each other it's usually for a few days.
This time he was staying with me for a few days. I started to notice that he never closed the bathroom door after he was done in there (or when he was peeing for that matter) so I asked him to please remember to do so. He remembered maybe once or twice (and he would ask for praise afterwards), so I reminded him a few more times.
Then he started getting defensive about, explaining how he had to leave it open in his apartment because there's no other way to air out or something. There's a window directly next to my toilet so I told him to just open that and then close the door after him.
But he still forgot, so one time I just went over and stood by the door poiting at it until he came over and closed it. Then he started getting mad about it, saying I'm acting like an asshole because he never tried police how I do this at his place. But I took note of stuff like that the first time I was there and remember to leave the door open at his place.
I don't feel like I'm asking for a lot from him, but he made a pretty big deal out of it I feel like. Am I the asshole for not just letting it go and trying to be stern about it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
jaEj5qvmfUqdrsQmoe524GYvOUEres8C | b7qyg3 | {
"description": "not being the perfect housewife",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not being the perfect housewife? | Let me preface this with I'm on mobile and I have fat thumbs. Please keep that in mind.
Okay so I'm 19 (F) and I have a ten month old and live in a two bedroom apartment with my baby's father 22(M). We moved in about a month ago and it's a fairly nice apartment. Ever since my daughter has been born I've been expected to clean and take care of her. I haven't been working, not because I can't or don't want to I just think it's more important to be with her than to work. I even worked while pregnant for months, it's not laziness just trying to be the best mom I can and I think these moments are precious. Well, we lived with his grandmother before living here and she keeps the house spotless by slaving every day. Keep in mind she has no babies to watch out for but cares for my Bfs two teenage siblings because his mom passed away. So he expects that out of me. I take care of my daughter all day and all night. She takes two naps a day and I try to at least get one of them to sleep as well. The house isn't disgusting, just sometimes it's a little dirty. From living in it. You clean the kitchen and in a few hours it's dirty again. And I've got a ten month old who isn't walking yet that I can't just set in the floor. We have a playpen but she will only sit in it for so long and by the time I get the mess cleaned up in an hour or so there's a new mess. He works nights so when he gets home it's usually dirty from the night before. Not always but some nights I'm struggling to get her to bed, etc. Well he rides my ass about cleaning the house all the time. Says he works and I should clean up to compensate. He's not very understanding of having to care for a child and do it, he says just throw her in the playpen and turn videos on for her. I don't like doing that but he says it's something that just has to be done. Am I the asshole here? Should it just be my responsibility? I really need some outside input here. Thank you. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
fXPfgxlEeB59s2ZdDDO5TYkqHoLvoBMm | b6phv3 | {
"description": "hitting and quiting this girl",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for hitting and quiting this girl? | So I went on a tinder date last week with this girl and we fucked after as a one night stand sort of deal. But after we had finished, she started rambling on about how she LOVES me (after this ONE date). Obviously, this is a total red flag but I still had some stamina in me and she said I didn’t have to use protection this next time so I hit it again knowing her feelings for me and then, after she fell asleep, I fled the apartment and blocked all communication with her. I also left a final text telling her that a fake name is my real name under the guise that I’m willing to pay child support in the event of a pregnancy so she takes the alias more seriously instead of my real name. I handled this badly, I know, but I feel I had to look out for myself above all else and she was a little racist to me during and after the date (making “BBC” remarks about my penis, which I don’t appreciate for it is stereotypical and I have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing). So at the end of the day, I feel I’m justified. But am I actually the asshole? I’m willing to accept it if I am;I just wanna know. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
9j7wRICKmF4oE8wOsu2QHfohypFmjIKm | azqd5v | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Getting Mad At My Friend? | Throwaway (or an account I might keep. This username is cool tbh)
So I have this friend, we met at the beginning of the semester because we have two classes and a major in common (I'm doubled up in two). He's gay, I'm a lesbian. We sorta bonded over this, since we've both grown up and come from places where who we are, wasn't at all considered "okay". We also have some of the same political views (important). He's more *far left*, I'm more center-left in my beliefs but could go either way, depending on what it is. He has an issue with this.
Anyways.
He likes to point out men he finds sexy or hot, talks about how he wants to bang them, etc. Fine, whatever. Maybe it's just a guy thing? I don't know, but I do know I don't talk this way with my straight friends nor do my straight guy friends talk this way about the women they see (but we do sorta bond over what we find attractive, so maybe?).
Eventually, it got uncomfortable. He kept asking me how I can't find men attractive, and it usually results in me just shrugging. Like. I just don't?? "But you're attracted to transwomen too!" He'd exclaim. "They were men!"
I usually reply with, "Dude, that's transphobic. Women are women."
"So, if a guy were to dress up as a woman, would you fuck him?"
"No??" This went back and forth for awhile before I said I had homework and left.
Eventually, he escalated to showing me pictures of naked men with erections. I told him to stop, and got super pissed off at him after he didn't. He would go, "Now you're mad at me! Why are you mad?! I was just kidding!" So I tried to explain to him *I don't want to see pictures of naked men! I don't find men attractive in that way!* "But how can you not? They're so hot!"
I usually just leave when he tries to argue with this. My therapist suggested that he's probably just joking around, but there's a point where I have started to feel disrespected. Plus, it's just hugely uncomfortable (but thank fuck not triggering).
Today, he called women scatterbrained. He accused me of being mad at him. Like, he just popped up and started ranting and I really didn't want to hear it.
"Wow, lesbians *are* bitches!" He usually uses that word in reference towards those of us who are lesbians, all the time. I don't know why.
So I finally told him that, "Just because you're a gay man doesn't make you exempt from being a sexist and transphobic ass." He called me homophobic, insists there's no way that's possible, and I end up just snapping at him again and he's messaged me a few times but I haven't responded. He asked me, at one point, if I was right wing because I defended people's right to have a religious belief.
I know I didn't handle it as maturely as I should have. But.
**Am I the Asshole?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GBsP9wYMhgXimm0o7NUZfb6Ld4h799mt | 9wvuzl | {
"description": "not saying hello",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not saying hello? | This morning I was on my way to my first class of the day when I someone who walked past me said “Good morning”. I didn’t really react and just nodded to him, then he said, “Or just don’t respond to me” seeming pretty annoyed.
I feel like his passive aggressive remark was more rude than what I did, but maybe I’m the rude one for not saying “good morning” back. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
UfRRYjH8F9ecp096m8xd3SuxBYlXtgIR | 9xwnsl | {
"description": "calling in on Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling in on Thanksgiving? | (Backstory): I work as a Detention Officer for a county jail. Over time is very high. I am the most senior Deputy, giving me seniority or first pick to choose what pod/unit to work in.
Alright so lately with my job there has been a lot of over time. I have worked the last 2 to 3 paychecks with 24-40 hours of overtime and needless to say, I'm burnt the hell out. I am also the most senior employee of a whopping 3 whole years here. The turn over rate is bad. And our over time schedule has been changed for November alone 3 times. I originally had Thanksgiving off, but now with a new schedule I am working the day of and after Thanksgiving. Today I come in for my over time expecting to get first pick. I have 4 other team mates there as well. We had an extra person so one of us was able to go back home. Well the supervisor sent the newest employee home. Even though I have worked more hours than them. I did not say anything because I was not in the mood for arguing. Then the supervisor picks another new employee first. He does this because he thinks it'll get him inside the employees pants. This sets me off. This supervisor picks her over everyone, every time. Because she puts on a sickly face thinking it'll get her to pick first. (Have you tried abstaining yourself from vodka every night?) So now I'm pissed because I was screwed over twice today. So I think they'll be just fine without me Thanksgiving. I have worked every holiday for them and this time around I would like to spend at least one holiday with my 2 year old son who I only get to see once or twice a week.
So am I the petty asshole for calling in because I am fed up with this Supervisor's bullshit?
tl;dr - Lots of over time hours. Senior employee which grants me first pick of post, was screwed out of my first pick because the supervisor is playing favoritism. Calling in Thanksgiving because of the bullshit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
h04ZJ3slLcLQakLrlBKMvGcLjohajVRf | 9vntfd | {
"description": "getting mad when someone went through my belongings",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad when someone went through my belongings? | I’m in high school and have the ability to repair iPhones. Some kid gave me his phone and money to repair it, and when I told him it could be a week or so, he was okay with that since he had an extra phone. He handed me his money and his phone and that was that.
I’ll admit that I forgot about it, and hadn’t fixed his phone. He came up to me asking for the phone and the money back, which I had no issue with. He then told me he had gone through my backpack to see if I still had it with me.
This is where I got extremely upset and confronted him about going through my belongings without my permission. It nearly escalated to a fight when he refused to acknowledge that going through my stuff wasn’t okay and I wasn’t happy with it.
AITA here? Everyone around me seems to think I’m in the wrong, but I don’t see where I was the issue in this situation. Is it wrong for me to be mad that people are going through my belongings? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rwfVx86Z1R7qZZEvbHKiaOK5a6UIlHCO | adcxg9 | null | AITA for not want to support my mentally ill roommate? | TL;DR at the end
My roommate and I (both 19F) have been friends since high school and have now been living with each other for over a year. At first people told me she was a little "off" but I didn't think anything of it because we were in high school, but I realize now she's seriously ill. In that year she's tried to commit suicide (via pills, cutting herself, or drinking) 5 times. I don't know if that is a lot or if I'm being over dramatic
Usually I find out by her friends and family calling me asking how she is (I don't know why I'm expected to know everything about her) but I've also had to find her on the floor somewhere in our flat. I have called the police for her, I have called her mother, sister, and her boyfriend when I'm concerned.. but as of the last few weeks I can't help her anymore. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few months ago but CONTINUALLY goes off her medication and I find her laying in the bathroom covered in razor marks and chips. Seriously. Looking at her makes me furious. Our mutual friends think I'm being a dick because I don't support her enough.
In the past year I witnessed her being severely abusive (mentally manipulating, publicly degrading, forcing him to be uncomfortable, hitting him, burning him) to her boyfriend until he finally broke up with her. I tried for 5 months to get one of them to end the relationship. It kills me that he put up with her for so long. I've noticed her being manipulative to me and her friends, and so I've done my best to cut contact with her, despite living in the same household. For the record, her new boyfriend and new best friend are very supportive of her. Which is good, but they see the cutting as "an outlet." They obviously don't have to drain the blood out of the bathtub every few nights.
This is where I'm concerned whether I'm the asshole or not.
Should I keep supporting her even though she can't support herself?? It's severely taxing on me, having to drop everything I'm doing and go convince her not to die. And it distracts me from my work and personal life. But if I stop, I feel like people will blame me for her trying to kill herself. She has so many resources and will be doing so well, seeing psychiatrists, taking medications, eating well... Then she drops it all and goes mental.
TL;DR my friend refuses to keep up her mental health in check and keeps trying to kill herself and I'm exhausted and pissed because of that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZlMJ6vpes1B5QduMyWu7ZwCu6rXgWZei | b2p170 | {
"description": "encouraging an employee that my boss/father had taken advantage of to quit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for encouraging an employee that my boss/father had taken advantage of to quit? | One of my coworkers was the longest serving person other than myself at my family's restaurant and has looged the most hours by far out of any employee at the place. That was until they quit today. My father had both become reliant on and been taking advantage of the fact that they were willing to work a lot no matter what by working them a lot and not paying them on time (under the table so he can get away with it easier). This went on to the point they had racked up a thousand dollars in back pay. They and many of my other coworkers had expressed their frustration with my father not paying on time and during one of these conversations I mentioned to them that my father doesn't think they'd quit no matter what he did. Well they used this as their reason to quit and exposed me by telling him. Now I'm being forced to fill in for their duties until they're replaced as they were the closing cleaner and did most of our baking. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Aha38zrBcJzlCj9wPm4SRCarTnD8HF87 | b2h5z3 | {
"description": "not wanting to reconcile with my previously alcoholic and abusive father",
"pronormative_score": 130,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to reconcile with my previously alcoholic and abusive father? | I was born in the mid 90s. My mother died when I was born due to health complications that came from my birth. My father didn’t take this very well. He took to alcohol and substance abuse. He turned my home life into hell and terrorised me until I left his house. His abuse was so severe that I had to repeat several grades due to my physiological health declining rapidly. When CPS took me it was the happiest day in my life.
Now, nearly 10 years later, I get a call from him and he tells me he is dying and that he wants to see me one last time. I promptly told him fuck off and hung up on him.
My SO got mad at me for this. So Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 125,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 130,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
6xer8sA2WjVJouL4jN660hUbmjGckhQS | alsll7 | {
"description": "being friends with someone my sister hates",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being friends with someone my sister hates? | Heya, this is a bit long sorry. This is my first time posting so im really sorry if its hard to read or breaks a rule or anything.
Okay so one of my best friends, we'll call her S, is my sisters boyfriends ex. My sister and her boyfriend have been going out for nearly two years and her bf and S arent beefing or anything but they arent friends and don't talk. S told me in private when she was upset, that my sisters bf had slept with her the day before he got with my sister and that she been brokenhearted. I kept this to myself until i was talking to my other sister, who we'll call F, about our mutual dislike for my sisters boyfriend and let it slip what S had told me. I already know telling S's secret makes me an asshole, the actual aita comes later. F promises to keep it to herself.
So then a few months later F slips and tells my sister about the whole thing with S and her bf. My sister loses it at me, saying I shouldnt be friends with her as shes spreading lies about her bf and S is clearly trying to break up my sisters relationship. She throws a glass at me and breaks my mothers ornament in the hall when she storms out if the house screaming. My argument is that what S said wasnt supposed to be told to anyone else anyway so she definitely wasnt trying to ruin my sisters relationship and in any case my sisters behaviour is unacceptable.
Now its a few months later and im going to birthday party for S and I need to get her presents. My sister and i are talking before i head to town and I mention im going to get S presents for her birthday. My sister stiffens up a little and just says "Right. Okay"
And now i just came home and my sister went crying to our dad about how much she hates S so my dad pulled me aside, gave me a grilling for upsetting my sister, and told me to never mention S again to anyone in the house.
Am I the asshole for being friends with S and mentioning her to my sister without thinking and expecting my sister to be fine with the friendship? I feel I already make accommodations for my sister, like i never bring S to our house to hang out just in case my sister gets upset and loses it at her. I think I'm not in the wrong but a lot of the time I cant see what an ass im being until someone else comes along and confirms it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jT8FSJLLLb31wJTgF6Kfph9jxMoODqJM | b9wzev | {
"description": "telling them to stop making us do their dad's job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for telling them to stop making us do their dad's job? | We have some kids that moved into the country to live with their dad. So to help him out, we offered to do their laundry for a short time until he got the hang of things. It's been a few years now and they are still bringing their laundry for us to do. Sometimes they even bring weeks worth of it.
A few months ago we told their dad that we could not do it anymore. Now the kids just ask and my mum cannot say no to them so they bring it over anyway. She does not want to tell their dad over and over again. Their dad has been cheating on their mum ever since they got together and introduced his gf to the kids (their mum lives in a different country) and he only takes advantage of us, isn't thankful and once told me that we were not doing him any favors. My mum does not want to cause any issues but this simple thing is causing a rift between us because she just let's it happen even at her own expense (it's a lot of work, expensive etc...) I told the kids once that it is their dad job and they said "ok" but the next time they just brought it over again. I have a feeling their dad is coercing them to do it and I do not think that it is fair since we had told him to stop.
Tl;dr: WIBTA if I told them to stop again and let their dad do his job? Their dad won't answer our calls or respond but we know he gets our messages. We know he has the time because he uses it with his gf's but chooses to pile his responsibilities on us while being ungrateful. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QPmqwPwss7Jxxi3benjrYGV34IAfNjPl | azsmbi | {
"description": "making advances",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for making advances? | I (25M) have been talking to this girl (19F) for about a month on facebook messenger and havent met until recently. For the sake of this post we will call her Chabby. At first I was reluctant of getting into a relationship because of my current situation, but she however kept insisting that she was interested in me and wanted to get to know me. I thought it wouldnt be too bad to meet her level of commitment to this by reciprocating her feelings. Chabby and I eventually decided to meet, but before that, this is important, we video chatted a couple of times. During those video chats we would talk about random things and it would even escalate to point where we were strip teasing each other. Giving me the impression that she was sexually attracted to me. As for the place we would meet for our first "date" we couldnt figure out a place so I suggested the infamous "netflix and chill. Now many people know what that actually means and to that manner I asked Chabby during one of many of our conversations if she wanted to have sex with me. To which she answered "yeah if it happens it happen, but dont be expecting it." So the day we are supposed to meet finally comes which is a Saturday, however, she cancels because she was too tired from work which I understand so we reschedule for the next Saturday. Chabby and I met for the first time at her place. We head inside and to the promise of my end, I had brought some food to make for dinner for the both us, but Chabby had said she wasnt hungry, so we decided to watch a show on Netflix. Before actually watching the show. We decided to smoke some weed to which I suggested because she is an avid smoker and I thought it help with the tension of the situation. My mind was a mess and my ability to think rationally was completely hindered. Im not too sure if it was because of the weed, but I manipulated her to getting into bed with me and made sexual advances on her. To which she was strongly against so I did not proceed any further. I apologized about it and we spent the rest of the night watching Netflix, talking, and eating the meal I had prepared for the both of us. Eventually we went our seperate ways. The day after, ridden by such regret and dissappointment, I suggested we stop talking and remain as friends. To which she agreed that is what she thought as well. However my dumb ass changed my mind and asked for one more chance by explaining that I was not in the right mind and just wanting to be friends was a result of that. In response of that, Chabby said told me how disrespectful I was and how to how ordeal of me making advances made her extremely uncomfortable and proceeded to call me a creep and then blocked me from contacting her in any way. I am extemely depressed this is how it all turned out, and feel terrible about all of it. I just want to know others opinions about it. In the end, am I just an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
px5QCCTBBEw17sDYbuqzF24oTZQ1d3Ny | aq8nw5 | {
"description": "not inviting groomsman's girlfriend to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 33
} | AITA for not inviting groomsman’s girlfriend to my wedding | Backstory: FH and GM (groomsman) we’re roommates before we met and are pretty much best friends. GM and his GF got together around the same time as me and FH. GF and I knew each other before these relationships and we just flat out don’t like each other. Our personalities just don’t mesh. Also, we all work at the same company but I work in a different department. When it comes to work she is a huge bitch. We’ve never done double dates or hung out as couples. Another important note is that GM is constantly going back and forth with wanting to be with her. One minute things are good the next he is telling FH he is going to break up with her.
Fast forward to wedding planning. I tell FH that I don’t want her there. I don’t want someone I don’t like at my wedding. I also don’t want someone that doesn’t like me at my wedding. And on top of it I don’t want to pay $55 for someone like that to attend. Obviously she’s not that special to him if he is always wanting to end the relationship. FH says not a problem and tells GM when he gives him the Save the Date. FH told me things went good. Fast forward a month or two and GM and FH have a shift together. Turns out GM thought FH was kidding and said “well I live with her and she saw the save the date so how am I supposed to go without her?” I told FH that GM needs to figure it out because I flat out don’t want her there.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 33
} | RIGHT |
3R6w24H3nBIYSmCNKsMBnh3GydHCKffK | b9ftax | {
"description": "refusing my friend's mom's request to visit her daughter in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing my friend's mom's request to visit her daughter in the hospital | I have asked similar questions on this subreddit concerning the same friend I am gonna talk about today. She (let's call her A), I and my two other classmates live together.
Last year during a particularly bad sem one day A was hospitalised due to an Infection that went on to affect her nerves leading to weakness in her arms and legs and she was unable to walk. Just the day before after her complaints of not feeling well, we give her meds, call up her mom. Mom arrives at night, till then my friends and I have taken care of A. Fed her even though she refused to eat complaining she doesn't feel like it. She doesn't get better, and is taken to the doctor. Diagnosed with rare disease that paralyses limbs. She was pretty shocked and upset and we go over to the hospital multiple times over the next few days to console her and just to take her mind of depressing things. All the while juggling college, assignments, and the general routine. Meanwhile her aunt has come over too. I help her sort food, groceries, household chores like nobody's business. Sometimes even paying for stuff required for A through my own pocket. The other flatmates practically useless all this while coz all they cared about was how the aunt seemed to be a disturbance in their studies.
On one particular Sunday when I felt like I finally had some time to myself, I get a call from A's mom saying A is upset and crying and mom feels I should go over asap and spend the entire afternoon with A. I refuse saying I haven't had lunch or taken a shower and feeling exhausted as hell but promise to call A and talk. She says ok. I thought that was the end. Fast forward 1 month A is all better out of hospital and back home. A's mom proceeds to call my mom and tell her how I don't care about A at all and am selfish. Out of nowhere. I was a little surprised and didn't know how to react. Ask A about it and she only tells me how sweet Ive been all along. AITA still? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zoczBGqiAelF2M5fXpnirg3LkjgmcFmK | b8ieqj | {
"description": "not giving/selling my mom an item",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving/selling my mom an item? | I have a small self-run business that I started when I was 12, and I've purchased some fairly expensive items to keep it running. My mom and dad supported my business because my mom didnt want me to leave home to work, and so helped pay for electricity and a couple other things.
I'm now getting close to finishing high school, and am thinking about selling some of the things I bought for my business, since they will be of no use to me when I leave, and I could use the money. I mentioned to my mom that I MIGHT be selling one of the more expensive items for a couple hundred, but that I wasnt sure yet. She then said she might buy it, because she would be able to use it. I then did some research, and found out that most of the same item were actually selling used for over $600, without the accessories that I would include. I then told her that I did not think I would be able to sell the item to her, because I did some research, and would like to try and get $500 for it. The item I have is appropriate for a business, and she could easily get a smaller new one for under $200. I didn't think this would be an issue, but she then refused to speak to me for the rest of the day and glared at me any time I went near her. Then today she told me that she was shocked I had not offered to give her the item as a gift, because she had always supported my business and had helped pay for some things for it. She was also incensed that I had raised the price when I had agreed to sell it to her. I was a bit confused, as I did not recall ever agreeing to sell it to her, and as to why I would give her the item that I paid over $900 for. She then claimed I knew how much it meant to her, and that I was putting a price on my love for her (what??), and that she would have given the item to her parents as a gift. I told her she could get a smaller version for cheaper that would work just as well, but she just left the room.
AITA???
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5ym2NjcHDT93P9FJiAoGnbCh1ls9C3ca | a0p9t6 | {
"description": "complaining about being tired to my pregnant wife",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for complaining about being tired to my pregnant wife? | So my wife and I have a 2 year old son and are expecting another child in January. The first pregnancy went fabulous for my wife. She was always comfortable, looked great, and loved the experience...Well this time around it is the opposite...she is hating being pregnant, constant heartburn, always uncomfortable and not sleeping well etc.
SO...I recently started a new job requiring me to be up at 4:30 and out the door at 5:00 for an hour long commute. I dont complain about the commute or the job as I love my new position. The issue arises when i will occasionally respond with "just tired" or "had a long day" kind of responses when asked what's wrong.
When i give these answers my wife loses her mind and begins shouting that she's always tired and basically made it feel that im not allowed to be tired until after January when it will be justified I guess???
Just makes me feel like an asshole for saying im tired when she's having a rough time...but im still allowed to have feelings am I not??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
l31WLOAPB2SddkcJOl5gmQJnN4Ux3Rwe | ata2kg | {
"description": "not doing anything for my sos birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn't do anything for my SOs birthday | I'll keep this short because I'm just confused and not sure if I'm reading too much into stuff or not.
My SO is turning 28 tomorrow and in the past month/months I've suggested many activities we could do and asked just as many times what he would like from me or how he wanted to spend his special day.
All my ideas were shot down because they either involved other people or were too expensive (I can easily afford to treat him). But they were activities he's expressed interest in or enjoyed in the past (hiking, indoor skydiving, airsoft, dinner, movie, picnic, dinner at home) so I know I'm not just coming from left field.
Whenever I ask what he wants to do, he shrugs and say "I dunno" so I thought "hey maybe me asking is too open ended and overwhelming" so I wrote a blank activity list with stuff like "this is how I wanna wake up on my bday. This is what snack/dinner I want on my bday. This is who I wanna see on my bday" and it just sat on the desk until it got thrown away unfilled.....
He texted me yesterday saying we're doing dinner with his family then texted today saying it was cancelled with no reason why. I've asked if anything is wrong or if he just wants to not celebrate this year and it be a normal day and he says everything is fine.
I don't think he wants to celebrate so should I treat it like a normal day and not say anything? He turned down the gifts I suggested so I'm not sure if I should still get him what I planned or not. I know it's his day but I would still feel bummed if I tried something and he had no reaction or appreciation for it...
I can understand wanting to be alone but I feel like I'm being set up for failure since he won't tell me what he wants or doesn't want. If I follow his lead and do nothing am I being petty (even though I don't feel that way I'm worried it'll come across as such)? If I ignore his wishes and do something will he still be disappointed? I have no idea. Should I do something small with a note so it won't be awkward and he can acknowledge his bday if he wants on his terms?
I already feel like an asshole because it's not even my day and I shouldn't force him into anything and it's not like it's a requirement to enjoy your bday but part of me can't help but feel bummed out and confused.
**Tl;Dr** SO hasn't given any indication they want to celebrate bday. Should I take their lead or should I do something anyway but risk being disappointed in their reaction. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zO9EJyz0IpuwueF6ZMdei2ZxMyLWlEKU | b1tqkh | {
"description": "dating the girl that my friend likes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for dating the girl that my friend likes? | So the girl in question has said that she does not love my friend multiple times but he still hasn't given up.
But then last week me and the girl started dating, and now my friend is mad at me should I break up with her or should I keep going?
(BTW she is really hot that's why this hole argument started) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VmzwBqUH2hqpgYYO2Er58paLrJc0SEDX | a28ata | {
"description": "responding to my longtime on again, off again GF in this manner",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for responding to my longtime on again, off again GF in this manner? | Obligatory Throwaway account issue, Longtime lurker but I wanted to do this anonymously because Its seriously affecting me. Long story short, we've been seeing eachother on and off for almost 15 years, its OBVIOUSLY gotten us into problems with one another but I've recently come out of a very bad breakup with my longtime girlfriend, and the Woman in question came back into my life about 2 years ago.
That being said, things have been very thorny lately and she has become increasingly aggressive to take up part in my heart and home. I don't live far from her, about a 5 hr drive in California traffic so we don't see much of eachtother, but I've rather gotten accustomed to living alone temporarily and its been nice to have a quiet home. However, This explodes frequently over the phone and Now I am extremely distraught because I do have some very high stress levels, I know I can be a jerk and I try to be sensitive to everyones thoughts and opinions but lately, I've felt alone, stressed and just super emotional about alot of things. Its to the point where I don't want to talk about my problems because it always stems into a fight.
To be fair, she is a lovely person when she is behaving like a civil person. We've had some good times in the past and we've had some real fun, I do enjoy her company and I like when she smiles. It makes me happy to see her happy.
But then when stuff like this happens, I don't just forget it happened, it strikes me deep to the core and I have loads of loathing and self doubt for days or weeks sorting myself back out again.
​
What I have here for you to day, TL;DR for anyone who doesn't want to bother reading it, is a transcript from last week, in a series of Twitter Messages she sent me I have compiled, and my responses to them. AITA if I send her my answers and basically stand up for myself, and tell her to leave me be? Because at this point, I've tried to walk away more times than I can count and short of cutting all contact off, I don't know what to do.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
G7RZaY7tMBBI7FXv8QbP1hEpUpZL1bL0 | axihqs | null | AITA My Ex broke up with my because I didn't want to sleep with her as much and because I drank too much. | So background story -
I just started working at a bar with an insane selection of spirits and I can try a good amount of them throughout my shift. Also as a bartender I enjoy taking shots with our regulars. Anyways when we first met she knew I loved drinking, it was kind of an issue in the beginning because of a lot of my friends were throwing birthday parties and whatnot but I got it under control. I cut down on my drinking, but I'd always drink at her place before we went to bed after work. I just needed a way to de-stress and collect my thoughts for an hr or two.
Fast forward to the breakup, I told her I was going out with one of my friends (was a girl idk if that matters) and she told me I should go sleep at my place because she was going to be bringing her friends over (her apartment is small so it gets crowded). I was completely fine with that so I went out to drink, got home, and then drank a bit more with one of my roommates I haven't seen in a while. Then around 2am I get a text from her saying "I miss you, come back home" and I responded, "alright I'll be there in 10min". I get home and one of her cats accidentally gets out and she was coming back from grabbing some packages. She ends up getting the cat on her way back and starts blaming me about it. Then it turns into her shitting on me and blaming me for everything and brings up the fact that I don't fuck her everyday because I'm always drinking which is definitely not the case.
I'm working 2 jobs while going to college and told her multiple times before that I'm not in the mood to fuck when I'm tired and I was pretty much like a zombie for the past month because I've only been getting 4-5 hours of sleep. On my days off I'd just catch up on sleep, clean up in her apartment since I also live there, and run errands I need to run. Anyways after she said the stuff about sex she just continued to shit on me and I'm just sitting there like ok... I texted her a couple days later to see if she wanted to talk and that I hope she didn't really mean what she said that night. She ignored it and now here I am just trying to figure out if it was my fault or her fault...
So in the end, am I the asshole? I hope this was enough detail... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ei9nREZ3pUITsejbt9wDqLPJTxm7iqic | a75xzy | {
"description": "backing out of my best friend's birthday trip in Vegas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for backing out of my best friend's birthday trip in Vegas? | So my best friend, Walter was talking about quitting drinking after his 42nd birthday. I suggested we go to Vegas and do it right. He loves Vegas and agrees, and we buy plane tickets and book a hotel. We invite two of our other best friends in our group text and they decline, and I invite two other friends that were with us for the last Walter's b-day Vegas trip 2 years ago, and one of them, Moose, agrees, and so we have our crew - me, Walter, and Moose. A perfect solid crew, and I'm pumped to get away for a wild night in Vegas. For me this is an expensive one night trip. I'll probably spend $1000 to keep up with the other two, and I will have to tighten the ol' purse strings for a while to fit in my budget. Just my plane ticket was $400. Expensive, but totally worth it for me. A few days later in the group text, Walter says -" good news I think I booked my flight quick enough that Thomas can no longer go". Thomas is a guy we have known since we were little. Thomas and Walter see each other almost daily, and the last several times I've hung with Walter he goes on some rant about how shitty Thomas is, but he feels sorry for him, because he's his only friend. I used to be friends with Thomas, but not any longer, and the last few times I have hung out with him he has made me feel very uncomfortable and I try to avoid him. So I'm like, "what?! there was a chance Thomas was going?! that might have been a deal breaker for me". I'm mad Walter even invited him, but I'm glad I dodged the bullet. Two days later I get a text from Moose saying, "Looks like Thomas and Walter are going a day early so I might go meet them a day early too. I'm like wtf. So I text Walter to confirm Thomas is going, and then I let him know I'm cancelling, and I have to pay $120 to cancel my plane ticket. For me, the trip is way to expensive to spend the evening with someone that makes me uncomfortable. He lays on the guilt trip, and the other friends in our group text make it seem like I'm the asshole. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QL9tXfDN8YPJMCMBBPtXgPi185upQNsn | ajtokf | {
"description": "not emotionally supporting my boyfriend when he's upset about continuing school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not emotionally supporting my boyfriend when he’s upset about continuing school? | On mobile so apologies in advance
[disclaimer: I’m in no way looking for validation that I did the right thing, but honestly trying to see if I’m the asshole in this scenario]
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for going on three years. We met freshman year and are now seniors in highschool (both 18 if that’s relevant) and only have 4 months left until graduation. The dilemma at hand is that he’s done with highschool. He’s ready to graduate(obviously just like the rest of us) and believes the last four months of high school are absolutely pointless. Well I totally agree that the rest of high school is definitely pointless and this is all basically busywork, it’s somehow really taking a toll on him. Almost every day(for the last 3 months) he complains incessantly that he doesn’t want to be here and is generally pretty unpleasant person to be around. Today I kind of lost my patience when he was being very short with me because he didn’t want to go to class, and was doing you and leave me and kind of a dick. The conversation went like this
.
Me-“You just bed to look at it in a positive way, we’re almost out, and then we’ll be off to [state college]
Him-“whatever it doesn’t matter I don’t want to fucking be here”
And most of the conversation was him being honestly pretty rude and short with me. It ended with
Me-“honestly [boyfriend] you just kind of need to get over it. It’s 4 months and we’re home free. And you’re the only one in control of how you feel and how you’re acting”
Him-“we just think differently, no matter what I do I’ll always be mad that I’m here and nothing can change that”
We got out of the car without a kiss goodbye(1st sign he’s mad) and without much of a goodbye. Later he texted saying I should just support him when he’s going through stuff like this. Problem is, he’s honestly just an overall dick when he’s mad about it, and I’m kinda over being treated poorly when he’s mad. I want to be there for him during all the ups and downs of life, but this feels more like me taking punches.
So the question is, am I the asshole for not supporting him and just letting him be mad? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CYJM7AQpYJWNGbn0ridTBMI2bPMJfiNa | a1c0ku | {
"description": "not paying for gas",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not paying for gas? | I’m 18M and in my first semester of college with two jobs (important). Mr brother, 23M has graduated college and is living at home while he searches for a job in his field (he is not being a bum or mooching off my parents, he’s sent out dozens of applications all over the country).
He does have an internship that is a thirty minute drive away. My one job is 10 minutes away, and the other is walking distance m, and my school is also about 10 minutes away. He uses far more gas than I do going into a different county four days a week, but both he and my mom are expecting me to pay for gas because I make more money.
This seems really unjust to me. I’ll get into the car on after he’s made two trips to his workplace, and will notice there was significantly less gas than there was last time I drove. Sure, I’m making more money than he is but that doesn’t mean I should have to pay for his gas, right? Or am I being neglectful to my family?
And just so there are some numbers, I make about $200 a week to his $75-100. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
QRHMlItpWl6zOunK5zZ1BUB2aBN6FQ22 | b2nknd | {
"description": "talking to my friends parent without him knowing",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA If I talk to my friends parent without him knowing? | My friends and I ( all 20) decided to go on a vacation this summer and after everything was booked and planned he lets call him Dave messages us that he was not allowed to go with us on vacation because his parents decided it was not safe.
We are renting a house near the coast in Croatia, a land which his parents do not approve of, even though it has improved its police and criminality to such acceptable level that it was allowed to join the EU.
Another issue they brought up was us renting cars there as our mode of transport, but Dave's parents would like for us to use buses or taxi's. We chose renting cars since it is cheaper than taxi and gives us more freedom and mobility then public transport, and personally I feel safer in a rented car then public transport but that is just personal preference.
​
Now to give some background Dave has a grandmother suffering from dementia, which his parents chose to care for at home. Now I would be fine with this approach as long as it would not hurt their children but this grandmother is a horrible person to be around and they regularly put their children in charge of caring for her. This led to Dave's siblings already living on their own away from their grandmother and Dave (who suffered for years because of this) to say that he would be happier if she were dead. All of this when we have great care homes for our sick and elderly.
​
This would also be he only change this year to get away from home as his family does not go on vacation since then there is no one to look after his grandmother (his parents do go on holiday though and then he and his siblings have to take care of her).
Because of all this me and a friend want to go to his house and have a talk with his parents as we think they a suffocating him and making his live miserable. I realize that this is probably gonna put a strain on our friendship and as he is a close friend I would not like to lose him, however he always gives in to his mother and we believe at least someone should stand up to them.
​
Now I have encouraged Dave to stand up to his parents multiple times but he seems to think this is a normal situation that he should just accept and if I told Dave we are going to visit he would obviously try to stop us and I see no real benefit from him being in this conversation as I want to change his parents behavior not his.
​
So WIBTA for mingling in someone else live, and WIBLA for doing it behind my friends back? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
s4cpFGGH8wrUroMSJDH9UU8EzU76Lj8x | b9minn | {
"description": "trying to steer away friend from specific type of relationship/point out toxic family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for trying to steer away friend from specific type of relationship/point out toxic family? | 25M here, friend is the same. We've been very close over the years where we've confided personal matters to each other. A common subject in talks has been his various woes with dating women. The longest relationship he had ended two years ago and lasted for two years - a relationship that essentially involved him adopting his girlfriend \[same age\]'s infant daughter. Providing for the child left him virtually penniless and forced him to move back in with his parents with him having lived with his girlfriend and her mother during their relationship.
It turned out she was cheating on him throughout the duration of the entire relationship, yet he wouldn't pull the trigger on leaving her. In fact, she dumped him to be with someone else. To this day, he tells me from time to time that he misses that relationship, despite it having been so toxic.
Since the breakup, he's seemingly specifically date various pregnant women as about 2/3rds of the women he'd talk to were already pregnant. His most recent girlfriend was pregnant as well prior to meeting him, but that was a relationship that quickly fizzled out after a month. (She had the baby months later)
I chalked it up to it being some weird (to me) attraction type and never questioned his attraction to pregnant women. Then, in a conversation with his mother last month, she revealed to me that both herself and his father are putting a good amount of pressure of him to provide grandchildren for them very soon. When she asked me if my parents are wanting me to have kids soon I said that mine let me live life at my own pace and if I don't want any, then that is my choice. Her reaction was a simple and stern "Well, I want grandbabies."
What startled me after that reply was that she seemed to miss the days where he was dating the first girl w/the daughter. I bit my tongue because I wanted to ask how could she sacrifice her son's well being and self confidence in exchange for him raising a baby even if it wasn't biologically his. That breakup wrecked him.
This has caused me plenty of concern recently as he just started to date a new girl \[19F\] last week that is due in a month. From what I've seen, she seems to be the polar opposite of my friend where she goes out to party a lot and has evidently smoked/drank a lot. My friend specifically seems to have gotten attached to her pretty quick.
He's just finally restored his finances again and has improved his self-confidence a bit, but I'm worried that he's about to go down another bad path and lose it all again.
I want to warn him about this girl before he'd go official/before she gives birth and I want to let him know that he shouldn't let people put so much pressure on him to live his life the way they want... but at the same time, I feel I'd be hypocritical in some fashion doing that. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4mpKBGoCH1qiRC3AuHonQPdSHXM2xtx3 | b5155f | {
"description": "declining my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for declining my coworker? | So my coworker showed up at 6 AM to work, and me 8 AM. She left at 3 PM, me 2 PM. She requested to switch leave times- me stay til 3, her leave at 2. I declined, and she got angry at everyone for letting people leave before her even though she showed up really early. I declined because I wanted to relax and spend time with my family.
So I guess what I’m asking is, AITA for saying no? She’s been a close friend, so I feel kinda guilty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
niscipX9haoprLINXidak5Ugd97tnhII | aorx6j | {
"description": "calling a work buddy out for constantly saying he has money, even though he didnt do anything for it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I called a work buddy out for constantly saying he has money, even though he didnt do anything for it? | I work with a guy, who we will call L, whose head has gotten a little too big ever since he came into some money. The way he came onto this money, is his mother tragically was killed in a motor accident. He never explained how it happened understandably, but in the months leading up to the day he got his money, all he could talk about is "I cant wait to get my money" or "I swear, I'm about to be rich." Things like that, where now it just sounds like he was using his mother's death strictly for money.
Now that he has it, it has become 1000x worse than it was. Now whenever anybody says anything about not having alot of money, (like saying "I barely had money for gas, food, bill's, ect.) He always makes a comment along the lines of "Glad i dont have to worry about that now that I got money." Hes made multiple Facebook posts bragging about his new material wealth, like his new car, new 70 inch TV, just the typical stuff someone who recently got money would get. Now I woildnt really care except on the post he said "This is what you can get when you work hard and get that money." And that blew my mind. How are you gonna act like you made that money yourself through hard work and dedication, when that's the money you got from your moms tragic death? I just dont understand how one could take a tragedy and turn into what he has turned it into.
My question is would I be the asshole if I said something to him about the way it looks on him?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FEYTb2fdu3YrdajpscABMePdPyj5bHTa | au2yub | {
"description": "cutting off a friendship, and she still thinks we are friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting off a friendship, and she still thinks we are friends? | so AM i the asshole?
i met this girl when we were 10 and was friends with her for around 9 years before i said ENOUGH.
this girl has:
lied to me and *about* me
cheated off of me for *YEARS* even after i asked, told and demanded she stop (school and tests)
'dibbie dobbed' (told on me) to my parents for numerous things that o me grounded or worse
attempted to get me to *lie* on a *police statement* about parental abuse
attempted to get me (and others) to *falsify evidence* for parental abuse
blamed *me* for *everything that has gone wrong in her life*
*refuses*, and i mean *REFUSES* to take steps to get rid of a STALKER bc she likes the attention. then she claims to be afraid of him AND DOES NOTHING.
tries to emotionally manipulate me into being friends again.
and finally, is not the type of person i want in my life *AT ALL*
now, i have:
ditched her
lied to her
told people the *truth* about her lying and cheating
got so tired of her BS that im basically ignoring her
and that's really it. thats all i really did against her. i was friends with her for so long bc she was one of my first 'loyal' friends, and i tried to repay that loyalty as best as i could, but i just feel like ive been taken advantage of for *years*.
shes been trying to reach out but i just ignore her messages, don't even open them, shes tried those "five years ago" things off of Facebook to try and talk but i ignore them. shes even tried going through friends and family to get me to talk to her but i refuse. im done with her lies.
and now people around me are saying things like "you were such good friends, why cant you be again?" "shes changed" "that's all in the past" "shes a different person emotionally now, shes matured past all that petty school stuff" "she really misses you"
and i dont know if i should trust her ever again. i dont want to but everyone is putting doubts in my head. have i over reacted but cutting her off completely? with absolutely no warning? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
M9cTYTBN1F6xsX4z2bAWTU5twrIu4jm6 | b1rorb | {
"description": "breaking up with my gf because she has slept with over 70 men",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA if I [27/M] break up with my GF [28/F] because she has slept with over 70 men? | So yeah I am 27 and i have only slept with 4 other girls, 3 of them being in a relationship. I have been going out with my Girlfriend for 8 months and i really do love her. I was aware she slept about a bit from the start of the relationship due to hearing it through open conversation, but i had no idea how bad it actually was. She does not regret her past and she even has labeled herself as the S word and has told me that is what she was before she met me, this was her words, not mine as i have never called her it once, ever. She was aware of what she was and she was proud. I heard her call herself this multiple times before it really got to me the more i fell for her and i would also hear about where she has had sex (Alleyways, guys cars, up mountains beside her house, ANYWHERE). I guess i didn't really care at the start because i was not in love with her like i am now, i just brushed it off as i believe its okay for girls to go and have sex as much as they want. Who am i to judge? I found out her numbers are seriously high a few months into the relationship, we are talking 70 or 80 guys. Wow. Although when i was asked what my numbers are by my girlfriend, i told her, then asked her and she replied saying around 25. Once i caught her out with the lie she said she simply didn't want to make my feel bad. But that is not a reason to lie, especially when i was asked first and i never wanted to even know her number.
She was obviously comfortable sharing this information with me and trusted me to tell me, she told me she let me know what she was like before me, before anyone else had the chance to tell me. I appreciate her honestly but still i think about it to this day, not all the time but it does enter my head from time to time and i guess it makes me feel awful. We have talked about it and i explained to her how it made me feel as i did not want to hear about all these guys having a go at her and how it makes me feel how easy she was and to be fair nothing has been brought up since, it is never talked about anymore.
She literally would go out in the middle of the night with guys and just go to an alleyway or a field or in their car.
So, yeah i have struggled to come to terms with the fact that the girl i love was like this before me and i have NEVER met or even heard about a girl who acted this wild when it came to sex. She clearly has changed and i can see that, to go from all that to commit to me for 8 months.
TL;DR - Girlfriend was EXTREMELY promiscuous in her past, right up until she met me. Her total count is around 70-80 guys. My relationship with her has been great until i found all this out, any advice on how to try forget or even accept it and move on? I have been trying for a bit, its working, but taking a lot of time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
Lo2VKuA4MmkAj3FNVio9FJWIoUZsJxqA | arihjx | {
"description": "wanting to distance myself from my best friend who begged me to go out only to go hang out with her boy friend an hour after being there",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for wanting to distance myself from my best friend who begged me to go out only to go hang out with her boy friend an hour after being there? | My best friend is a very type A personality person. She hates being cancelled on, she hates when others are late, and she hates plans that aren’t concrete. I have ADHD and depression so I try my best to always meet her on time, etc.
Today she calls me (I had full intents of staying home and doing laundry/ napping / watching tv and ordering takeout) and begs me to come shopping with her so we can go out tonight. I tell her I’m not sure about whether or not I want to go out. I’m obviously hesitant and tired. She begs and tells me we can do something low key and that of course I can always leave when I want because she’s planning on having her FWB come over after. I agree.
We spend 3 hours shopping a few different stores (a strip) and she asks me to be ready by 11:30. We meet at a place that costs me $22 to Uber to. I have 2 drinks. And we’re there for an hour and 10 minutes when she tells me she has to go because the guy she’s been hooking up with (who was with his own friends) was tired and going to his house. So he told her she could come over. He also told her she could come by tomorrow if she wanted instead.
She told me she feels bad because we “just got here” but she also doesn’t “want to keep him up” so she’s going to go. I tell her next time she should invite me out for longer than an hour at a time and she tells me “she knows” and that she “fucked up” in the least apologetic way lol. She orders an Uber and leaves 3 minutes later. I order another $20 uber to go home.
I am 100% certain that had I done that to her she wouldn’t be cool about it at all. So she texted me when she was in her Uber about something unrelated and I didn’t respond. I just feel like I was better off staying home and if he gave her the option to come by the next day, why couldn’t she do that? She’s very quick to cut people off and if I was in her situation I would tread carefully knowing how impulsive she can be. I don’t want to cut her off but I also feel like this was a waste of an outfit, over $70 (drinks, covers, Uber’s, etc) in an hour’s time. WIBTA if I cut contact with her for a few days? Or just didn’t make plans with her for an unspecified amount of time.
Granted, she did tell me she had plans after ours. But damn. An hour? Am I crazy? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mIb8OSRiKqj2THt5qm6TcUPwJcCfH8xL | b7hhhv | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with a stranger",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with a stranger? | Before I start, I have to apologize for any grammar mistakes. I am not American.
Last week my car’s battery died and I was in the middle of a highway with few cars passing around, I was 30 minutes far from home, and I was alone. It was noon so the sun was at its highest point, and since we are currently in summer the heat is overwhelming. Dehydration would come easily to the point that it started to hurt my throat and my eyes would stank. My skin was sweaty and I just wanted to throw myself into an icy pool to cool down my overheated body. It is not a pleasant feeling.
Suddenly, a guy in a pick up truck the kind of car you would see in rocky roads pulled up, He was probably starting his 30s. He was tall and wore very formal clothing and asked if I was okay and if I needed help. I explained to him that my battery’s dead. He instantly checked the battery and told me that there were some cables loosen and that was probably the cause.
I was pretty tired at the moment, but I soon remembered that there was this company that brings batteries or other services for your car if needed and they practically are life saviors. I know, too dramatic. I kicked myself for not remembering sooner and I instantly called them, and they told me that they will arrive in an hour.
I told the guy with the pick up car that I have already called for help and that there was no reason for him to stay, that he could go back to work (He told me that he was in the car’s company and that he had to go back to an important meeting) I really didn’t want to be a burden nor wanted him to be delayed. But, he started to act a little weird. He looked my body and then asked how old I was and my naive sf told him that I was 20...he kind of smirked a little creepily and asked me if I could be his friend.
It took my a aback for a moment and instantly felt uncomfortable. But, I told him that there was no reason for that and I insisted, politely, that he should go back to his work since I have already handled the situation. He seemed disappointed, and I was afraid he would do something to me but he complied, got on his car and drove away. I felt bad, really, but I don’t know him and had never seen him in my life. I don’t know if he had any ill intentions, etc...but I didn’t like the way he stared at my body.
When my car was fixed (I thanked the technician for helping and told him how grateful I am for him to come all this way, even though, he said it was his job. I mean, I was pretty far from the city and we stayed under the sun for 4 hours. I was just so happy that I could go home.) I told my friends about what happened with my car, I told her everything and she was kind of upset that I rejected the stranger. She told me I was an asshole.
But I don’t know. The guy SEEMED kind, but I hated and disliked the way he stared at my body. I even told her that, but she told me that “boys always look at women’s body like that”.
Am I an Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mUY3QW1gPp3JU0f9ugvwnrosO8SwjLLu | b09qsn | {
"description": "getting upset at my dad for scolding me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at my dad for scolding me? | I already posted this on r/advice so read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/ayrjyg/im_21_and_i_am_sick_of_my_dad_talking_down_to_me/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) first if you can.
To summarize, first while waiting for a table at a restaurant (my mom was sitting, my dad was fine standing), I was stopped from sitting down by my dad who lectured me that I need to let the women sit down first (which I don't agree with unless they're pregnant or old or something but my parents are old-fashioned), even though I waited a few seconds to see if anyone wanted those seats. He let me sit after I explained that nobody else was going to sit there but I was secretly pissed that he assumed the worst in me like that. I'm 21.
Second, I got in trouble for saying "damn" while handling a hot roll that was burning my hands, and proceeded to lecture to me that I needed to clean up my vocabulary, even though I know never to swear in front of authority figures and never use slurs. In fact, I swear a lot more than he realizes, and I say worse things than "damn". I was upset and thought of him as a hypocrite because his mouth isn't very clean himself. I was 20.
So here's the point of contention: when I posted this on r/advice, some people thought my behavior was immature (even though I never vocalized my anger) and that my dad is only trying to raise me. I realize that, but I'm 21 now and while in hindsight I understand the second incident (he doesn't want me to inherit his negative traits, even if I see nothing wrong with swearing as long as it's not in the wrong place at the wrong time), I hate how he jumped to the conclusion that I was keeping the seats from people who needed them in the first incident. AITA for thinking that way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eV8GM2z4zRcSDGsmXrIKALnULfOdtr0o | 9yxpa9 | {
"description": "being angry at my mother for not giving me a part of the estate that my grandpa left her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being angry at my mother for not giving me a part of the estate that my grandpa left her? | TL;DR on bottom.
So I have only really talked to my partner about this whole ordeal, and while she is extremely helpful she is biased and has admitted it. Although I think she brings up really important points.
My mom is in a tough situation first of all. She lives in a motel with two kids and her husband. I have been out of the house for around 5 years now and am in University. We do not have bad blood anymore, just differences in how our lives wanted to work that led to this situation.
My grandpa passed on due to complications too complicated to talk about here about a year ago. Him and I were sort of close. He was interesting for sure and the last things he told me was how proud of me he was for getting my “shit” together per say.
When he passed I learned of the money he will be passing to his one son and two daughters. One of the daughters being my mom. My mother was to give some of his estate to me, according to my grandfather’s intentions.
The check will be coming in within the next month and now my mom is frustrated that I am asking for a share. She believes that the share she will be getting is not enough to be shared with me, but will not talk about it at all with me.
It is so bad that she is getting angry with me when I bring it up and is pushing me away from the thought of me getting any part of the money.
This frustration is in part of her always promising to help when she can, and feeling like when she can she makes excuses. I do not come first in her eyes.
This isn’t about the money either. Her and my grandpa had a turbulent relationship. But him and I did not. This money would secure my future and help me finish college without any hitches.
Although I know that her situation is shit as well, and she needs to get a house and help her and my siblings and step dad.
So AITA for expecting my family to help out? Or should I be even more thoughtful to my Mom’s current state?
TL;DR
Mom has changed her mind and decided on not giving me a share of my grandpa’s estate. After promising to before.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zEPGZSiHbKVXYnQBFz1yJrqHUmEAfUBT | b2c73i | {
"description": "leaving my pregnant gf after a fake \"miscarriage\"",
"pronormative_score": 774,
"contranormative_score": 62
} | AITA for leaving my pregnant gf after a fake "miscarriage"? | Basically my parents, her parents, and nearly all my friends are calling me the asshole for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend (it's my kid) so Just looking for perspective here. I'll keep things as objective as possible and happily accept my final judgement.
​
3 months ago we found out that my gf (or ex now) is pregnant. It was a big surprise since we take precautions (condoms, BC) but she said it might've been a broken condom + she was bad about staying on BC routinely. Regardless, it was confirmed she's pregnant. I'm 21 and she's 20.
​
I took the news badly at first. I became surly, didn't talk, and just kept to myself for 2 whole days right after she told me. I was terrified and did NOT want to be a father at all. I just needed time to adjust to the news. I think she expected happiness from both of us as she imagined I'd scoop her up and kiss her and cry tears of happiness after hearing she's pregnant (I know this bc she even referenced that scene in The Office where pam/jim find out they're having a baby).
​
Our relationship during this time was extremely rocky because she wanted us to be engaged before the baby came, and I dragged my feet. I took her to all of her appointments, paid for as much as I could afford, and was there 24/7 for anything she needed. I guess it was more emotional connection that I just couldn't force through and she could tell.
​
A few weeks ago she sits me down and tells me she lost the baby. She says she had stomach cramps and then she miscarried. I was asking her a lot of health questions (I didn't know if a miscarriage this late into a pregnancy was normal?) and she kinda waves me off and is like don't worry I'm ok. After this our relationship's getting slightly better only because I'm slightly more relaxed now. She could tell and asks me to be honest about how I feel about the miscarriage. I tell her I'm sad it's happened so suddenly and mostly still worried for her but deep down I am really relieved because I 100% wasn't ready to be a father.
​
WRONG answer. She starts screaming, crying, throwing things at me. She says she's not miscarried, that it was a test to see my dedication and I've failed it completely. In short we fought for like 3 whole days after this, with little sleep bc she'd randomly throw cups of icy water on me if I dozed off. At the end of that I said I can't do this anymore and broke up with her. I told her I'll be there for the baby and I'll pay my share of whatever is needed but I can't be her boyfriend and I can't marry her.
​
\-----
Now friends and family are all telling ME that I overreacted, that its just pregnancy hormones and could I blame her? Everyone's saying things like "you can't leave a 20 year old girl to be a single mother" but I know that if I married her it could be the worst mistake of my life. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 770,
"EVERYBODY": 37,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 774,
"WRONG": 62
} | RIGHT |
X1QBxy4eZ0Td89Nn18PhpM2WvFEhK7UY | age3ky | {
"description": "cutting off the girl who used my mental health against me in breakup",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for cutting off the girl who used my mental health against me in breakup? |
To start, I (22m) had been seeing this girl for about a year. We met at a job over the summer and we went on a few dates, she introduced me to weed, and we generally got along all things considered. I eventually asked her if we would ever get serious and she told me that she wanted to wait until she was done with school before she commits to anyone. At first I was on board because I respected her wishes and wanted a strong healthy relationship. The problem here is that she wants to be a lawyer and that would require more schooling outside of college (i guess around 3-4+ years). She also told me that the school she wanted to go to was in L.A. (we're in NorCal). On top of that, I was feeling self conscious about if I could even wait that long, which would normally be no problem but she hardly if ever shows any signs of affection or interest in me romantically. I would have liked to talk to her but whenever conversations like this come up, she always presents a new reason as why she can't reciprocate. (Ex. She required a solid "connection" that only came from seeing me regularly, which is impossible since she goes to a different school, lives in a different city, and she frequently cancelled our plans.)
Jumping to the night before the cut, I wanted to talk to her about these feelings. She said yes and we agreed to talk around 10-10:30 and she ends up falling asleep. I knew she was very busy with school and I didn't want to seem pushy or anything like that so I waited hoping she would respond later. Instead she texts me the next morning that she fell asleep because she started a new job (I also didn't know this). I was upset and responded by saying that next time, she should tell me before going to sleep that way I didn't feel that I was left hanging. She exploded saying I'm being immature and that she has a life outside of me and that I was being rude by saying that. This leads to an argument with me just trying to convey to her that I just wanted her to say something prior to her going to sleep which I don't think is asking too much. She didn't see it from my perspective saying that I'm going to be disappointed in life over little things that don't go my way. We weren't getting anywhere so decided to end the "relationship". She told me goodbye on Snapchat so I removed her entirely with no further words exchanged.
She then follows up to text me saying "Thank you for showing me that all the countless times I talked with you and gave you my love and understanding when you thought about killing yourself meant nothing." I snapped, cursed her out, and never talked to her again. She had told me sensitive information which I won't be sharing here and I did not use that against her as I didn't want to stoop to her level.
For Clarification: This happened months ago. I am no longer talking to this person and am dating someone else who makes me very happy and is nothing like this girl. I think about how this went down and I wonder if I handled this correctly. We were never exclusive by her definition so am I asking too much? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
pAEGGh7yZ1G7fyeWbUh2bA5lZGXlAair | 9u9s3s | {
"description": "telling my ex to screw off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my ex to screw off | Sorry for the wall of text, and the late post. I’m on mobile, and this happened tonight. I can give further details in the comments.
Me and my Ex met through classes, and she had gone through a tough nasty break up. We started talking to each other, and started to develop feelings for each other. After going through bouts of depression (from being hospitalized while attempting suicide, to going into a mental health clinic) and being at her side for a long time through all of this. Things then started falling apart when she stopped taking her meds (while we got temporarily engaged) and she cheated on me with a guy that has the same name.
Infuriated I broke up with her, and blocked her. Flash forward a few months, feeling happy for myself and better because I didn’t have to worry about other people’s problems but my own, she somehow managed to crawl up back into my life. She started talking about all of this really depressing stuff out of the blue, and I told her I’m not emotionally ready or mentally ready to handle those kind of discussions.
She then called me an asshole for not talking to her about it and not being a good friend to her. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fisSL01nXbhHItgOW5ExS6Dacy7aCuOD | a9vkbx | {
"description": "not telling someone that his fiance cheated on him with me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not telling someone that his fiance cheated on him with me? | So for some background, about 3 years ago I had a brief fling with a girl I had gone to school with (we will call her Kate). We slept together for about 6 weeks or so and just left it at that. I ended up in a LTR after that and upon meeting my new partner's friends I met a guy (let's call him Mitch.) I soon find out Mitch is in a relationship and he's dating Kate. I pondered telling him back then but I barely knew him and I wasn't sure how long they'd dated so I couldn't be sure she cheated at the time. Cut to now and they are engaged to be married and are just about to move in together. Mitch is a great guy and I have a lot of time for him. Kate has messaged me a few times over the past few months and been very flirty. I had recently confirmed they they have been together for longer than I thought and she had been sleeping with me while they were together. I'm currently torn between wether to tell him or not. And how the fuck I'd do it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
iU4SEJXNIyB0L0VfJeBinbbYu3AvacRX | aory85 | {
"description": "not leaving the table after my father caughed really hard across the entire table",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not leaving the table after my father caughed really hard across the entire table? | Happened 20 minutes ago. My family (M,D, and me) have been sick for about a week and we're all at the point of almost beeing healthy again. We all still caugh ocassionally but my dad does it the most by far. Prob because he insisted on going to work through the week while my mom and I stayed at home.
He just caughed really hard with his mouth wide open, no hand to cover it and right over everything my mom cooked. I emediatly lost all apetite and left the table in discust. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FuzX9VpZypup0H8tVhlByEsTZvpJ5hIX | ak0nc8 | {
"description": "disagreeing with my disabled cousin's trip to Disneyland",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for disagreeing with my disabled cousin's trip to Disneyland | Okay, so hear me out. And before I start, let me just say that I (30F) also have the same disability (yay genetics).
​
So my cousin (14M) is going on a $5k trip to Disneyland with his (50s) parents and (12F) sister. Because of his disability, they've crowdfunded the entire amount because he's always wanted to go and although we have the same disease, his is a lot more severe and there's a chance he could die. So they crowdfunded it extremely quickly and he's going next month - bearing in mind that they don't live in the USA and a lot of the $5k is flights for the four of them. HOWEVER, my qualm is with the fact that his parents earn $150,000 per year between them. Without going into specifics, I know for a fact that they have the money available to pay for the $5k trip in full. AITA for kind of getting angry about this, asking other people for money when people who are donating typically are a lot less financially fortunate than they are? I would just like to point out that I would *never* say this out loud, but honestly it really pisses me off. Like I think it's great that they're taking him to Disneyland and my issue is nothing to do with him, but I just think the parents are taking advantage of people. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
K6jeIgct73yoRO9T3KJbngoIueUuCdFk | ayd0yx | {
"description": "saying 'actual indians' to a native girl",
"pronormative_score": 72,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for saying ‘actual indians’ to a native girl? | So the other day i was in school and my friend said something about India (he’s Indian) that was a racist joke about Indian beliefs. Another class mate looked offended after she overheard the phrase ‘Indians are just weird’, by my friend. So then she said ‘Im native and that’s offensive’ and i said ‘no, he means actual Indians’ and she looked even more offended at me. I get why i would be the asshole but what do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 52,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 72,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
u2gU27Db4bppG7Rm9oRcq6GvYvZ3Yyhk | atrxgy | {
"description": "not wanting to quit my job over a family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not wanting to quit my job over a family vacation? | So for backstory, im a 20 year old who works at a fast food restaurant that pays quite a bit more than other places in the area. Most of the money helps pay the bills for the house that me and my mom co-own and I use what little left for small things like food and video games
A couple weeks ago i found out that the family and I are going on vacation for the 1st 5 days of June and that everyone of my family members got their time off. However when i tried to get off I was denied, and my managers said too many people requested it off before me.
I talked to them to see if they could reconsider, unfortunately they wouldnt budge and told me that I'd have to go another time. So i tell my family this and they say thats its virtually impossible for them to reschedule, especially my mom since her job almost never approves her day off requests. So i tell them that they'll have to just go without me, but they instead tell me that they refuse to do that and tell me that I'll eventually have to quit my job and find another one after the vacation is over.
I really, REALLY dont want to do that. If i have to find another job, it more than likely wont pay as much as my current, and im strapped for cash enough as it is. AITA for not wanting to quit my job so my family doesnt miss out on vacation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vfmu1kxl0xnpArWCg94Sc3lC9DqCo9UE | av7z0n | {
"description": "putting my career before my girlfriend of 4 years",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for putting my career before my girlfriend of 4 years? | Sorry for the somewhat misleading title. I just started a new *career* and part of my job description requires me to act as a first responder for disasters and to provide relief whenever one may occur. My girlfriend got upset when I told her this and didn't like the fact that we would be separated if/when a disaster occurred. Now if I refused to help with relief effort it would cost me my job, I could get fined, and possibly even jail time because it's government job. AITA for putting my foot down and telling her I'm helping no matter what, not only because I have to but because I want to?
Disclaimer: I am a park ranger and not considered a first responder on a regular basis but I regularly work with heavy equipment and chainsaws giving me skills to help clear roads and repair shelters. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R1rBPxfqhsx9ddM7JHGfTLLVdBCFl1A7 | a7jyk6 | {
"description": "just wanting to watch some good gaming",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for just wanting to watch some good gaming? | I need some answers, please help... so my (24) girlfriend (25) (Who mind you used to sell her body for drugs and other bad things I don’t feel like disclosing, just feel like it is relevant info here) has a severe issue when I look at/ happen to see anything female related. Whether it be if I’m watching tv and a female comes on or if I like a post of a female stranger on Instagram that I think is neat on my feed (I’m not allowed to follow any females, she has my password and has blocked each female on instagram then months later when I realized I went on hers and saw at least 10 guys she’s fucked in the past still following and maybe 20 more I think she’s had a past with but she adamantly denied 😂😂) also YT or anything like that, she gets very mad and demands to know why I “need” to look at girl’s and how attractive they must be to me. Keep this in mind she’s probably has sex with 75+ people and is pansexual and has had sex with more woman than I have also. She likes to think that other people can’t find other people attractive or something? She acts like that even though when she’s gotten mad she’s showed me guys and women she finds attractive.. now I don’t like to lie...I do think a lot of women are beautiful, I appreciate them also. Sometimes when she asks I’ll say yeah I think that person’s cute what’s the big deal? We’re human and if you’re telling me you don’t find anyone else attractive that’s a flat out lie because she used to be one of those girls with a million people after her trying to get at her and she got to pick and choose to her likings and who she fucked.. and I’ve seen pics of the people she used to hook up and they consisted of really really “good” looking guys, definitely a lot better then me (Not that I care I’m fine with that) I also can’t watch any movie with nudity in it, but that’s only me as I’m sure she doesn’t mind it for herself. So recently I was watching the South Korea Fortnite tournament where tfue plays with some streamer I never have heard before named kitty plays. I was watching it earlier and my girlfriend flipped out saying why am I watching some girl and I must think she’s incredibly hot (I don’t, I really just like watching the gameplay) so flash forward to later and I decide to watch some other kittyplays gameplay (because to be honest, she rules and IS a really good gamer...) she once again flips out and starts screaming saying how could I treat her like that and why can’t I just watch males instead of some streamer with her tits out... (I don’t think she thirsts people into watching her but idk I’ve only seen one video..) I responded something along the lines of that’s literally insane if you have an issue with any women that pops up in front of me whether it be on YT or IG or TV then by that logic you shouldn’t be able to leave your house because you’re attracted to females AND males... I just don’t get it. I love my girlfriend, I would never cheat or jeopardize anything but am I seriously crossing a fucking line trying to watch some female stream fortnite? I tried watching a movie that got good reviews the other night and she looked up the parental controls on IMDB and called me saying there are multiple sex scenes what am I trying to do/ what are my motives...Is this just insanity or am I the asshole? Am I seriously that bad? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MXzqXKFeCOWckVV75cDraSHt1k4cJtXV | a3b56b | {
"description": "not having time 24/7",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not having time 24/7? | Hey guys ao this is bothering me for some time now. My gf and I are together for 2 years now, through that time I always cared for her, after she had surgery I did pretty much everything for a good 2-3 weeks.
Now since I am in a bad mental place and unable to go to work (in therapy and all) and try to care more for myself she is starting to call me abscent, not there for her and all that stuff. Sometimes she will ask for something while I am on the pc playing games or setting up stuff for my stream which would be my dream job to pursue, after I tell her I will do it in 5 minutes or so she starts to get angry and calling me all sorts pf things.
I really want to care for her but I just can‘t spend every second she‘s here with her, which is 4-5 days a week but since my therapist and most people said that I need to care for myself too but that takes time.
I am genuinely confused if I am the asshole for taking time for myself?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hQOG1gk2hKvYX9OQBsJT2jNYHjNgbVn3 | aenelp | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for something my girlfriend offered to pay for",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for something my Girlfriend offered to pay for? | My girlfriend is going to an event with an entry fee. She wanted me to accompany her, which wasn't particularly exited about, but told her I would think about it. The issue was she wanted to buy tickets now, so we had a quick discussion. She said if I decide not to go, she would pay for the tickets (they are non-refundable).
I later found out there is a dress code, and I would have to pay 170 bucks in addition to the 50 bucks for the ticket, which was too much for me (as a college student), so I told my girlfriend that. She asked me who would pay for my tickets now, and I referenced what she said. She told me that that was under the assumption I would not want to pay for it, but if I want to pay for it I should pay for it, or we can split it 50:50. I told her that doesn't seem fair, as she clearly said she would pay incase I won't go, and that was part of the reason I agreed to this.
I do understand that she does not feel like paying for it, but if she offered it and I took the offer under this condition, I also don't find it fair that I have to pay for it. In the end she said she would pay for it, but instead I have to pay for other expenses we usually share - which results in the same amount of money being in our wallets as if I paid for the ticket, so I'm also not particularly happy with that solution.
But before I argue about it, can I have a quick judgment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
CN0WNmr5SBnaVMOlUH02Hutm5MSMI4Zb | aegmv8 | {
"description": "being short-tempered to one of the most popular students",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being short-tempered to one of the most popular students? | Almost every day after 7th period, before the final bell, we have an Advisory period where we can do make-up quizzes, study hall, etc. Today I decide to go the art room for this period. I notice that there is a group of kids sitting near me, and take into consideration that these are the popular jocks who aren't getting Honor Roll, but most people think these guys are the funniest thing in the grade. Personally, I don't care for their sense of humor much, but I don't particularly dislike it either.
I'm doing my thing, doodling up a storm in the art room, when one of the kids noticeably points at me, and then whispers to his group. He then gets up, walks over to me, and makes a big show of pulling out his stupid special AirPods. He then asks, "Hey, \[name\], how was your day?" I start to respond but he cuts me off in the middle of my first word and snorts, "Sorry, I don't speak broke." I don't consider myself to be upper class or lower class, but he has gone too far by using derogatory terms that he cannot throw around, especially used as a way to demean someone. I have already had enough by this point, so I snap back at him, "What was that? I don't speak asshole." He and his group are a bit taken aback by this, and he obviously didn't expect this reaction, so he just shuffles back to his group.
Him being one of the most popular kids, I expect a little bit of word to have spread by tomorrow that I called out the special little guy who makes everyone laugh, and they're probably going to mask the fact that they initiated while doing so. I have had slight hints of remorse since, but I wonder if it's worth apologizing for or not.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NTPlIk9eNMClzMEAZCAwHwyRAiw10HHy | 9ulivo | {
"description": "not giving my parents money",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not giving my parents money? | My parents have never really been great with money. There's a lot that we could do to lower the bills that we don't do, and my parents prefer that I not bring these things up as "it's too stressful to discuss." They have the premium cable package and rarely watch the premium channels. They subscribe to Hulu and don't watch it. They pay for a satellite radio that hasn't even been installed yet. I try to tell them that getting rid of these little things might add up to some great savings, but they always say they'll figure it out on their own. This is why I've been getting upset lately when they ask me to borrow money. They always pay me back eventually, so I always lend them the money, but it's sometimes multiple times a week that they ask and sometimes they borrow money without asking me at all and I only find out when I check my bank statements. I feel guilty about not wanting to give them the money -- I live at home rent free. But it gets in the way of me saving the money myself so that I can move out (I'm 21, full time student, work part time, so I don't make much as it is). Would I be the asshole if I refused to give them money the next time they ask? I would feel pretty guilty but I feel like they're taking advantage of me, specifically because I've been lending them money since I started working at 15 and they never ask my older sister or younger brother (who also lives at home rent free) for financial help.
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3djG3YrRcF9PuA1mkIwIZeAjADmcBws8 | aqs0e8 | {
"description": "being disappointed that my husband didn't do anything for valentines",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being disappointed that my husband didn't do anything for valentines | I spent the day cleaning the house and getting it set up for a romantic surprise for my husband when he got home from work. I had tea lights and candles going, I wrote him a thoughtful card and got him and gift and waited eagerly to come home. I dressed up and put on makeup which I rarely do, I was so ready to seduce him. I put on a playlist to set the tone. He came home late....with nothing. I hate to say it but I was a little disappointed. He didn't even get me a card. He's not very romantic and struggles with romantic gestures to begin with. This is our first valentines together as last year we were living in separate states (military) and last year he got my favorite flowers. I've told him before how I've never received anything for valentines and that it's a depressing day. I don't want to sound entitled I just want to know...am I the asshole for being a little down put that my husband didn't make any effort this valentines? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
qPGspINrreuNpwejsGCigiwGvVAe9tYm | ava1qc | {
"description": "bringing up not volunteering to little league coach",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I bring up not volunteering to little league coach? | The couch keeps signing the whole team up for volunteer work. While I greatly respect the notion of volunteering I just cannot be two places at once. Each of my children play a sport. My other son has a soccer game that conflicts with this volunteering. I do not think it’s fair to constantly sacrifice one child’s sport for another especially when it’s not for a game. I do not have any help where I am at as my parents are out of state and my in laws are older with health issues. My husband works insane hours and I am also working around my own work schedule. The volunteering is usually long hours and I am already trying to split my weekend days between two kids. I of course want my son to volunteer when he can but the coach can be kind of rude when are just flat out unable to volunteer. I have brought this up once already. Will I be the asshole if I bring this up again? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
x0geoVyDzJ8ua3KasyFGLasqx3SiUOSA | aco272 | {
"description": "wanting answers",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting answers? | So there's this friend of mine that I met at a party back in April 2017. We've known each other a while now and grew really close in around 6 months. We'd be there for each other when needed in the early months of our relationship and towards October, we'd grown really close. I'd seen her every weekend from October 12th to November 8th and we'd talk almost daily.
She's been a great friend to me and has done a lot that means very much to me (my dad, brother, her and two close friends of mine threw me a surprise birthday party on the 25th of October and she'd not only baked me a cake, handled most of the decorations, painted me a picture of the album cover for Ten by Pearl Jam; a favorite of mine, all during mid-terms) but as of November, she's become awfully distant.
We barely talk and when we do, it's normally me who initiates the conversation. We hang out like once a month and she normally postpones frequently, making it difficult to, well, hang out. This in contrast to the fact that she used to message "I miss you guys" to our group when we'd hung out like 3 days ago makes me wonder what happened.
For more context, after the whole birthday thing, I'd developed feelings for her and eventually told her 2 weeks later, I didn't do anything extra like "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you", just "I like you as more than just a friend" to which she told me she didn't feel the same way. After that, I began to fear that I'd driven a wedge into our relationship and was on edge when things started to deteriorate. I asked if our distance had anything to do with my feelings and whether it made her uncomfortable, but she said it had nothing to do with me.
Now though, she's in a relationship with someone and over the course of 2 months, I've seen her twice. Like I said above, she barely texts and frequently postpones. Sometimes her excuses don't add up because she says one thing like "I'm broke and can't go out" and then she goes out the next day (I know because my friends and I follow the group of friends she spends time with now). I feel wrong for doubting her but she's been giving me nothing but excuses and I don't know whether I should just believe her because she's a good person or doubt her because the facts don't add up. As of a few hours ago, she got back from a day out with her friends. She'd told me 2 days ago that she was completely out of money for all of January since she'd asked for her January allowance in advance and wouldn't be able to hang out at all. When I'd suggested asking her younger sister to pay for her since she's against friends paying for her, she'd said "that's a nono" and I'd just conceded, but that's exactly what happened today. I asked her why she changed her mind but she told me I didn't have to question everything she did, to which I agreed.
She told me a while back that she didn't want things to change between us after the whole confession thing but it feels like she's just avoiding me at this point. I feel like I'm wrong for doubting her and questioning the things she says but at the same time, I feel like if I don't know what's wrong, neither of us can make an effort to fix it.
Tl;dr - friend who I grew really close to suddenly started being distant, and giving me excuses for why she can't hang out with me and my friends. I wanna know why we grew so distant and why her stories don't add up, but feel guilty for doing so because she's a good person. Help. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gPebGJkwMzauHQy4qVb2ttOUPJTyyoj7 | az8en3 | {
"description": "telling on a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told on a coworker | So I (18M) work at a call center for a medical clinic. Today, I was sitting with two of my coworkers discussing work and the topic shifted to some other business ventures the company has made. The woman said “these Jews just want to make money”, in reference to the two owners, who are both Jewish and pretty well renowned in their field of medicine. While I am Jewish, I’m not very threatened or offended by this, however I feel somewhat compelled to not let this slide.
My questions is, would it be the right thing to speak to a manager about this, exposing myself as the one who told and potentially getting her in trouble, or letting it slide as an offhand comment? For context as well, I have been there 8 months and she is relatively new, so 3-4 months. She has also made many nagging comments about coworkers, patients and managers. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZghkjdJ8t0pzYsK05hfb9SQJ1G3EeG7q | b5xics | {
"description": "not cleaning the house if I pay bills",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 32
} | AITA if I won’t clean the house if I pay bills? | Hey I’m 18 years old and me and my mom got into it over me cleaning the house. She says I should wash the dishes or clean the bathroom since I’m still a “kid” but half my check literally goes to her or the house at least once a month sometimes more. I have two little sisters and a little brother who are all capable of cleaning and they don’t work. I’m not gonna lie I don’t work everyday but I do go to school as well. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 32
} | WRONG |
uShFENynHSJGwvtX5rhak071BAX3PGcl | aq5gso | {
"description": "wanting to masturbate instead of having sex with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for wanting to masturbate instead of having sex with my girlfriend? | I am probably going to sound like an idiot but please hear me out. So we are both 20 years old. Our relationship is still great all around but for me, sex with her is just dull. We only do missionary and she always just lie down, except for kissing she doesn't do blowjobs or any other positions. I get really tired after 30 or so minutes ( just missionary and foreplay that I do for her) plus the fact that I don't feel anything (probably due to condom or years of masturbating) so needless to say I don't like sex but she does and she always demands it at least 2 times a week. Basically yesterday I told her that I can't keep doing this unless she agree that we try something new, she denied and said anything other than missionary is too tiresome for her. I basically responded with "I put a lot of efforts and tried a lot of things just to make you feel good so why don't you just do this for me at least once? I feel like masturbating is 10 times better than what I am having with you right now". She told me that why don't I just masturbate instead so I told her that from now on I would limit the time I have sex with her and masturbate instead. She got angry and said "You are a horrible person". So am I demanding too much? Am I the asshole in this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
I6UNjLSPAPxrNEbd80MB0SaeQrqzUGP3 | asjg53 | {
"description": "telling my coworker to stop talking to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I tell my coworker to stop talking to me? | I work in a small office, there were only four of us for a long time. We sit in cubicles so you can't see each other, but because it's a small room you can hear everyone perfectly. We've always had an unspoken rule that work comes first. We do chat a few times a day, but it's always been understood that if you say something and no one answers you, either they're not at their desk (again, we can't see each other from our work stations), or everyone is too busy to talk.
For example, someone might generally say "How was your weekend?", and either people will answer and have a small conversation, or if everyone is too busy they'll ignore the question because they're working. None of us have any hard feelings if you say something and no one replies, it's just understood that we're all busy.
Anyway, we recently hired a new coworker, and he's been extremely chatty. I tried to be polite at first, and would talk to him every time he asked a question or mentioned his personal life. I figured he was trying to get to know his coworkers and I saw it as a good thing. But it has not died down.
If he says something and no one answers, he now peaks around our cubicles to speak to us directly so you don't have the option of ignoring him. He talks so much about his personal life that I know more about him than I do coworkers who I've been with for years.
It got to the point where my boss called a meeting to address the frequency of personal conversations when we should be working. This is not good for me since I'm already on probation for unrelated performance issues.
I thought this would solve the problem, but now this coworker follows me to the lunch room on my breaks and monopolizes my full lunch hour with irrelevant stories because technically I'm "off the clock".
Will I be an asshole if I ask them to stop talking to me? I work in a customer facing role, so my lunch breaks are one of the only chances I have to be left alone for a while, but I don't want to alienate a new employee. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gVjD6zfMJWjUJ0q3M1Kd6bdElPTWF0iD | aeot4m | {
"description": "refusing to give money to an desperate/aggressive beggar",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to give money to an desperate/aggressive beggar? | So I know this might sounds obvious, but for some reason I still feel guilty over it.
So I’ve been raised in a upper middle class family, but always have been taught to appreciate what I have a give back when I could.
So usually on the subway, you get your usual fare of beggars who at begging for money, food etc. Which comes to my story. So while on subway yesterday night, some young guy on the train starts saying how he’s homeless, needs money to buy food and such.
I usually don’t give out money, I only offer to buy food, but I was carrying so many coins in my purse that I never use, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to get rid of it.
So here’s where the action starts. The moment I pull out my wallet, the guy comes over to me and starts asking for a dollar, but as soon as I open open my purse and taking out my coins, he focuses on the bills I have. Something like “Ms. I can see those bills you have, you only need to give me a dollar, I only need a dollar etc.” When I say I’m giving him coins, he starts exploding, saying like “BITCH I DONT NEED TO COINS, I NEED BILLS, ARE YOU DEAF”. Hearing this, I quickly put my wallet away and the coins in my pocket and say I won’t be giving anything to him. Then he starts yelling in my face, and walking all around the subway car, saying how ungrateful I am as harassing other people. And when someone stands up and tells him to leave me alone, he basically threatens and says he’s gonna fuck everybody up unless I give him that dollar. This goes for another 2-3 minutes until I get to the next stop and run to the train across the station.
My question was I the asshole for offering money then taking it back? Since I basically caused the situations by opening my wallet and causing everyone in the subway car to be uncomfortable. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IzPRHplqPOq3GQMrkEN4oUm9LlCzIIv1 | acnkec | null | AITA in this argument? | Am I being too edgy about this? I feel like I'm exaggerating because it hits close to home or am I right in this?
[argument](https://www.reddit.com/r/IsItBullshit/comments/a581a8/comment/ebktlmm?st=JQILZ854&sh=7db3937d)
I don't want this to create a discussion about vaccines, just to know if I'm making it too big of a deal | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
u2HJcC8QNUPOvRhEZWlUs0ElzVw6QufB | aa78x7 | {
"description": "removing a 'friend' off all my social media because they've completely ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for removing a ‘friend’ off all my social media because they’ve completely ghosted me? | Long story short, I’ve made a new friend about a month ago and we seemingly get along really well. Suddenly, this friend slowly started to fade me out. Messages go unanswered, except when only this ‘friend’ has something to get off their chest. We used to play Xbox together, but this friend has resorted to hiding offline , reasons unknown but we would play almost every night. I don’t think I did anything.. one time I gently asked if everything was ok, and just was given the ‘I’m so busy’ speech which can be very true, but to be ignored and only messaged back days later when my friend has something to get off their chest, and my previous message not even acknowledged.. just kind of sucks.
So I’m thinking of just removing this friend off my social media and etc and not looking back. I’m usually a care free person, but for some reason it’s itching me. J want to ask what’s up... but most likely will be given the run around and come off as desperate. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V6pYiNV5jdnXdHo94nR7DN7KCrjhSUzd | ax708q | {
"description": "refusing to help my mother with a menial task",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to help my mother with a menial task | I don’t have the best self-confidence in many things, my image and especially using my voice in anything from presentations to karaoke. In fact a video failed to play during a presentation but I was dead set on not acting it out again. Ever. Just today I refused to go for karaoke with my friends because I didn’t want them to hear me sing. I have been trying to talk to more people by working at macdonalds but that is to help my one on one talking to people.
My mum had asked me for help with something which involves me reading off of a script and she would record for some community project she was doing. I absolutely hated the idea. My sister was down for it but I said no. Which resulted in my mother being angry at me and going off to her bedroom to play her phone. This will not include any face recording just voice recording but the thought of the recording going to be used for a project that many people will witness I cannot stand. So was it wrong of me to say no to her? She is now giving me the cold shoulder. Was I suppose to say yes and do it anyway? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mEHz8LYsor1PDEVB0dZqLMCLsT2Euk9a | a3ub9p | {
"description": "not wanting the brother who molested me home for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting the brother who molested me home for Christmas ? | AITA.
Some back story
Last December my family found out that my brother has been acting inappropriately at his university. He had been videotaping his dorm mates in the shower and messaging some of our mutual male friends some inappropriate messages. He was kicked out of school but still living in Minnesota (6 hours away from us). When my parents confronted him and tried to figure out why he was so disturbed he claimed he was raped in high school.
I (21F) knew he was lying because he was disturbed well before high school. He actually molested me several times when we were kids (he is four years older). I did not want him to manipulate my parents any longer so I went downstairs and finally told my parents what he had done to me. They were obviously upset and furious.
I’ve never told them about the assault before partly because I was ashamed but mostly because if I didn’t talk or think about it then I could pretend it never happened. But now that my family knows I can no longer pretend nothing happened.
Anyways... My dad wanted to kick him out I convinced him not to. Instead we decided he would stay home from Minnesota and we would figure this out together. It was the plan until my brother abandoned us and in the middle of the night he went back to Minnesota.
Obviously we are all angry and upset at him. At this point I am completely done with my brother. I do not give two shits about him. That was a year ago but now I’m angry with my parents because after everything he’s done to me they still support my brother. I’ve told them that this bothers me but my mom claims, “He’s still our son”
They even let him come home for thanksgiving (he stayed with my uncle) which ruined my holiday weekend because I spent most of it crying. I love Christmas and I really don’t want that holiday ruined too. I don’t want him home for Christmas. Am I the asshole?
TL;Dr Am I the asshole for not wanting the brother who molested me home for Christmas? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rYCeUNxi49AmpPSSYU5oZvmRVodeDfB8 | awwwhu | {
"description": "cutting off a weirdly two-faced friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off a weirdly two-faced friend? | So I made friends with two people (let’s call them Amy and Jack) and it was going great, we all had a lot in common.
I began to notice that Amy would badmouth Jack to me and complain about him, such as his sexuality or lack of money. I thought she just needed to vent but thought they were unfair comments.
Then it got worse. Before we were all friends, a huge party had been arranged. Me and Jack were both invited but Amy was not. Me and Jack had arranged to go to this party months in advance. She knew we were both going and didn’t comment until closer to the time. She asked if we could try get her invited as she wanted to celebrate with us (Amy is shy around people she doesn’t know and didn’t speak to anyone attending apart from us), so we asked but got told no. We asked Amy if she’d prefer if we didn’t go, but she said she had no problem with it and told us that one of her other friends was having a party and she’d just go there.
Sometime later, Jack had informed me that Amy had a fanpage and asked if she’d mentioned it to me. She hadn’t. I thought it was odd she didn’t mention it considering how close we were so I asked her and she was vague about it. As i’m quite nosey, I asked her if I could see it and she wouldn’t let me. Jack ended up finding it. I found almost all of her tweets were aimed at me and Jack, slating us going back to when we first became friends and more recently, about how angry she was about the party. The tweets were really hurtful, some of them had her own MOTHER commenting (she spent most of her time slating people like a teenage girl whenever we visited) She didn’t name us, but the time frames matched up and we knew they were aimed at us. Jack just left it although he was hurt but I confronted her. She denied them being about us, but wouldn’t tell us who they were about. She then blocked us from the account.
I was irritated and used my old twitter account to watch her account. Surely enough, she continued to aim tweets at us and began posting our personal issues on there and mocking us. I confronted her multiple times but she’d just deny it and tweet more, so me and Jack both cut her off and stopped speaking to her.
Me and Jack are still friends to this day, and she is still badmouthing us to whoever will listen but we are still being told that we are horrible people for cutting her off and we’ve left her depressed. Im struggling to see what I’ve done wrong as I confronted her multiple times and she still would lie. I’ve lost friends as I won’t “give her another chance” but I really don’t want to, especially as I know her own family was badmouthing me. She thinks she’s done nothing wrong.
Any questions please ask, this is summarised due to the word count. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZRuzzDfUYfsZG4j40l5GKlcoDXae6df3 | b8zu9u | {
"description": "not wanting to split a sandwich with my then-gf even though we had agreed to go halfsies",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not wanting to split a sandwich with my then-gf even though we had agreed to go halfsies? | This happened almost 10 years ago with my then gf and now wife. We joke about it now and adamantly maintain that the other was wrong.
We were getting lunch at a sandwich place and could not decide which sandwiches we wanted, so we both agreed to get a different sandwich and share each half.
We get our sandwiches and leave the restaurant. Much to my horror, upon unwrapping one of the sandwiches, it had globs of mayonnaise on it. I hate mayonnaise. It is usually disgusting. These days I can tolerate it if it's a thin spread of it, or if it's like a freshly made aioli, but back then the mere sight and smell of it would make me want to vomit.
Important to note, the restaurant listed all of the ingredients for the sandwiches on the menu, but for whatever reason, DID NOT NOTE there would be mayonnaise on this particular sandwich. As we had left and were in a rush, we could not go back and have the sandwich remade.
As such, I reneged on our agreement and commandeered the other sandwich that did not have mayo on it, and said I would not be sharing it since she could have the other whole sandwich to herself (she likes mayo).
She was not happy and it turned into a bit of a fight. My thinking is that I entered into this agreement under the false pretense that this sandwich only contained ingredients that I liked, therefore our verbal contract to share the sandwiches was null and void. Had I not nullified the agreement, this would have left me with only one half of a sandwich while she would be left with 1.5 sandwiches, as I obviously would not eat the other one.
So Reddit AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
zcKxjOXz46wm5vHcJApXqyBsBMmfiLgo | awwbnh | null | AITA for infidelity | AMTA for seeking intimate companionship after my wife cut me off from affection over a year ago?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
gRwP2T2UsEPVD9GLxI09vK4RfdCywspC | a9uqso | {
"description": "not calling a girl back after she showed me her bondage devices",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not calling a girl back after she showed me her bondage devices? | I went on a date with a girl I met at a bar. Although I liked her very much she took me back to her apartment and what I saw scared me. There was a huge amount of bondage devices and sex toys. She made a joke about using them on me and I laughed nervously but was quite afraid to be honest. I got the hell out of there as soon as I could and I have not called her back since. I know it is perhaps judgemental but I was worried about how vulnerable I would be if she used any of those devices on me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
teNH1PVPKZvSWUHbb5zdNXBFQp175PXs | ano87n | {
"description": "refusing to let my landlord's yard workers into my rental house yard at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for refusing to let my landlord's yard workers into my rental house yard at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday? | The came with leaf blowers and weed-eaters, ready for the 20 minute *let's use loud power tools to clean the yard* thing.
Flatly wouldn't let them access the property. Turned into a big shouting match, but I prevailed. I said: "Come back anytime between Monday and Saturday."
This was the second time the issue came up with them at 9:30 on a Sunday morning. (They are a new yard crew, replacing a guy who was coming for 6 months--once a month--at varying times between Monday and Saturday. I never had any issues with him, and was informed by landlord of that situation when I rented.)
The first time I saw this new crew, last month, I had guests from out of state over for a breakfast; we eat most of our meals on our outdoor patio. I had a large breakfast set up for 6 people, we were just sitting down and this crew of 3 people shows up, demanding to do their thing. They did. Totally ruined our breakfast. The property is very small, yard is 150 x 40 feet. Dust all over our food before we could even carry it back inside.
I told them: "Don't come on Sundays anymore.* They did not respond to my comment.
Apparently these new guys made an arrangement with the landlord to do their monthly work *anytime* they wanted. My state, like virtually all states, only limits big construction companies from working Sundays. Leaf blower guys, yardmen can legally make all the noise they want Sundays. (And it is rare--from my observation--for any these people who elect to work Sundays to give a s--- that they are bothering people with their noise.)
And homeowners have a key role here by not informing people they hire that Sunday work is not permissible *to show respect to their neighbors.*. (Looking at the whole situation I would probably tolerate power tool work after 1 p.m. Sundays.)*
Landlord is all pissed off at me, and is fining me $200. I'm not disputing this because of another key factor: I reside in the main downstairs unit and he has 2 upstairs tenants in small units. That means this is not *my rental house* but more like a rental complex.
Legally no tenant in a complex has the right to control a common area like a yard. I have exclusive use to the yard fronting our patio and the upstairs neighbors, who both incidentally agree with me on this Sunday work issue, access only part of the yard.
But the upshot here: The landlord can send over whomever he wants whenever he wants without giving us any notice.
So the ethical/moral issue: *Did I unfairly treat the yard workers.*
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
PaEWmiJ81pRsSODDFlVNKXK5glkXfTfb | akuxpi | {
"description": "warning on Discord",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA Warning on Discord | So the other day I was on discord in the #general section of the server when we started talking about Big Chungus (the meme). So I posted the big chungus anthem as a joke. It was just four lines of the work CHUNGA over and over again. I then got a warning from one of the mods. If you don’t know the Chungus anthem originates from a pewdiepie video [the video](https://youtu.be/BPkQAUJ35wM). I am not sure if this counts as spam as the definition of spam is (irrelevant or unsolicited messages sent over the Internet, typically to a large number of users, for the purposes of advertising, phishing, spreading malware, etc.) and (send the same message indiscriminately to (a large number of Internet users). AITA or does this post even belong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
Fzyjh25l2UhH1Aay0YofeuohaamgzXDW | ay5gde | {
"description": "yelling at my so over dishes",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for yelling at my SO over dishes? | We both work, live together, spend most of our time together.
There was about ten different items of crockery in our bedroom, some with mold growing on them. SO told me a few days ago he would take care of them. He didn't.
We have guests coming this weekend. Last night I asked him. This morning I asked him. I moved things so that it would be easy and convenient for him. He ended up being too late for work to do ANYTHING (eg: empty the gross bowls, fill and run the dishwasher. That's it).
I got so angry that I yelled at him on his way out the door. I told him he was fucking lazy and that he should have gotten up earlier than 10:30am so he could help me out. I do 80% of the cleaning without asking for help.
I feel really bad I yelled at him, but I am so angry that he left all of this to me AGAIN. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
qeDfzhTd4rnwIB6wlU65iKveW1KRE8AW | akk76d | {
"description": "feeling bad for my ex f of 6 years, even though she cheated on me multiple times",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for feeling bad for my(f23) ex f(25) of 6 years, even though she cheated on me multiple times? | To give a little background, we met when I was 16 and she ended up moving about 2,000 miles to live with my mother and I about 4 months into the relationship (we were the epitome of the stereotypical lesbian “u-hailing”). Things were pretty great the first year and a half of our relationship, until deciding to get into a temporary open relationship; that’s when things started to shift.
I ventured out a lot during the open relationship period and she didn’t. I started to feel emotional distance between us and we decided to end the open relationship aspect of our relationship and continue being monogamous. That is then the first time she cheated on me with a guy best friend that I suspected was more than that and eventually broke up with me for two weeks for him.
Later, we get back together and decide now since I was graduated from HS, we would move back to her home state. We lived in a larger city for 3 years there where I met a really good friend/coworker. I really enjoyed this friend, and introduced her to my SO of the time (my ex) and they hit it off really well. To wrap this up, they ended up texting for the last 8 months of our relationship behind my back, and we all would hang out and carry on our times together, me unknowingly getting cheated on directly in front of my face. She ended up breaking up with me, I moved north to transfer to university and come to find out they are now dating.
This entire situation of distrust and cheating and all of the toxicity of our relationship has had a toll on my mental health, I have been in and out of therapy, psychiatrist offices and prescribed different meds for major depressive disorder over the last 8 months or so.
I am currently in a relationship with the woman of my dreams and we are insanely happy; she’s everything I could ask for. Within the last month, my ex moved to the same college town I live in and knows no one and I feel some sort of responsibility to ensure that she isn’t lonely and unhappy and has a friend. It makes my current SO upset, rightfully so, but I can’t help but feel that way about my ex.
AITA for feeling this way? Am I just being stupid? Why am I drawn to this toxic situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
cQfQJkuKwHPOcfMOD9CaGUP4wRD14lt0 | a71mya | {
"description": "telling my so she can no longer be friends with her Ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my SO she can no longer be friends with her Ex? | My current girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. She’s a very fun person to be around, so naturally she has a lot of friends. A few of her friends are her former partners (yes, I said “few”). Her being friends with her exes has never bothered me up until now. I’ve always been confident in her and in us. As long as she’s not leading them on or doing anything inappropriate, then she’s free to do whatever with them, her choice. She says she loves me and has no feelings for any of her exes whatsoever and I believe her.
However, the longer we date, the more I’m learning about one particular ex. I’ll call him Jared. And I’ll call my girlfriend Lisa. Lisa and Jared dated for three years and he was Lisa’s first ‘true’ love. When they broke up (because she fell out of love for him), they continued to sleep with each other. When Lisa started dating someone else, she CHEATED with Jared on her partner at the time.
She’s been real down in the dumps the last month or so because she misses home, but she had a really good day the other day. She was happy and back to her normal self. While we were laughing and having a great time (for the first time in a short while), she accidentally called me Jared. My insecurity jumped through the roof after that because it made me feel that she was only having a great time because she was subconsciously thinking of him or being with him.
They talk periodically, texting and phone calls. Sometimes she even initiates the conversations. For Christmas, she’s going back to her home state and Jared is going to spend Christmas time with her family because her family misses him and Lisa’s older brother wants him to meet his newborn (I will not be attending since I’ll be returning home back to my own home state). Before she moved away, Jared went to her going away party with all her close friends. I even saw pictures of them having a great time - nothing inappropriate, but enough to make me jealous, to make me think he’s still someone important to her. And she’ll say stuff like that sometimes, that he was really important to her at one point and that’s why she wants him to remain in her life.
So, WIBTA if I told her she can no longer speak to him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
TKWm3uMubZb7nPN2HhgrrRJlscoMhUA5 | 9xcutm | {
"description": "being upset my girlfriend chose hunting over visting me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset my girlfriend chose hunting over visting me? | My gf and I live 2.5 hours apart. We used to live together but she moved to a different city for an opportunity to chase her dream. I fully support her and am trying myself to find a new job down there so we can be together again. Since she left, I have drove down every weekend but 1 or 2 because she cannot take time off or leave early on Fridays to come to me. It's a lot easier for me to go to her.
Anyways, this weekend is opening weekend for deer hunting. She had plans to come see me because she finally got a Friday off. Yesterday she told me she forgot it was opening weekend is actually going hunting with her dad instead all weekend (she lives with her parents, so she sees them everyday). I said ok, no problem because I don't want to seem like an ass. I'm not the type of guy to be intimidated by her relationship with her dad because I totally get it. I mean it's her dad and he will always be her #1 no matter what.
I have not told her this upsets me but I plan to. We have a strong relationship and are very open with each other about how we feel. Now, this is a minor issue and is by no means relationship-ruining, but it is something that bothers me.
AITA for being upset and hurt that she chose to stay home when she had a good chance to finally come visit me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
baloS3KtMRWaJdp9ebr3cSWvR4HzUM4e | aqqbyr | {
"description": "skipping the line for an order",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for skipping the line for an order? | I go to a high school near a very busy wings bar. Me and my squad were going to go, so I ordered in advance to skip the line. Sure enough, when we got there the line must’ve been 10 minutes long. Sure enough, I walked past the line and went right up to the cash register. I waited for the guy to finish with a customer and asked him for my order. It took him a good minute to get my order, and as I turned around, I noticed many people giving me the evil eye. After I finally retrieved my order I walked to our table and my friend stopped me and said - “Dude, wtf. Why’d u skip the line?”
I told him I ordered prior, he just sighed and said “Not cool.”
I feel like I did something wrong here, but I don’t really see it? Can you guys help me out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
teDY7lHtDluodjDU6IpFycSRxhuojyWI | altb8w | {
"description": "wanting my mother to think things through",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my mother to think things through? | Note - This, among a lot of blow outs, happened last year. This one stuck out the most in my mind and I still look back and wonder if I was in the wrong. Please note that I am a female.
So, last year after gradding from college, I decided to move in with my mom for a bit in a different state so I could: 1.) Get on my feet faster and, 2.) Rekindle my connection with my mother. Growing up, she wasn’t always there. Drugs and relationships with men that were not good for her made it hard for her to be there for me and my little brother.
She eventually got clean, got a job and was getting her shit together. At least, I thought she did.
The first month or so with my mom was ok. I did learn she started smoking weed, which isn’t bad imho, but it’s risky, seeing as we lived in a state that hasn’t legalized it yet. Things had gotten... fuzzy by the time it was a little less than two months in. She started asking why I hadn’t told her when I lost my virginity (which was a random thing to ask and none of her business, I’m an adult) and would walk around half naked and talk about things she did sexually with men, sometimes for money.
And then the screaming started. Apparently, when I didn’t answer the phone early enough or stay silent when she made a snide remark I was being “lazy” and horrible to her. Or, I wasn’t getting a job fast enough, and that just flew her either into a rage or a crying fit.
I was so stressed when we made another move, to an apartment complex with a very nasty landlady who apparently used rent for drugs (according to some friends who still live there, she has since been fired and replaced). Around this time, I finally got a job. It wasn’t perfect, but it was an office type of job and I was just happy to get anything at that point. It had been a couple of months since we lived there and we wanted to move to a smaller home in the suburbs. I had a cat that I loved, etc. My mom started drinking more and smoking weed daily, and her friends, who did harder drugs and drank more started to influence her actions and thoughts. During the training for a new job, we would have hour long lunches and breaks and near the tail end of one of these breaks, my mom called. The convo went something like this:
Me: “Hi mom”
Mom: -slurring, I can hear her friends talking in the bg- “You know what? I know we don’t have the money now, but I’m gonna skip on the rent for that bitch and move! We can stay with *one of mom’s friends that she’s said is a creeper and I never met* for a month until we move!”
Me: “Mom, I’m a little uncomfortable with that, maybe we can talk about it a little more-“
Mom: *screaming* “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! YOU’RE *mockingly* ‘UNCOMFORTABLE’?! I SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR YOU!”
By then, my coworkers started slowly coming in, they could hear her through the phone, berating me. Half of it, I can’t even remember because I silently started crying. I was so humiliated. I could barely muster a “Love you, mama. See you later, bye.” Before I fled to the bedroom and just.... had a breakdown for fifteen minutes.
It felt like, no matter what I did or said, I would always make her angry or upset. She would scream and cry and try to start an argument with me in public several times, and I just felt like I could never fucking win with her.
Fast forward to now, my mom didn’t learn her lesson about saving money and rent and we lost our jobs, our house, and our cat. At least he found a home in the end. We had to stay with a relative for a few months, but luck would have it that my mon was hired with a better paying job and she moved back. I didn’t go with her because I wanted her to be stable and in a home before I came down to try again.
Before anyone judges me for moving in with her, I am in the process of also getting hired and starting a job there in March, that’s why I’m moving and I don’t intend to live with her very long.
I can weather a few more months with my mom, but I can’t help but wonder if I am really that horrible of a daughter? She has said and shown some horrible habits and words towards me but I can’t help if maybe I was at fault, some how? I think this will haunt me for a very, very long time. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
S3fQB2dyRn72Rxu0hCRZGICd9VEXmqOg | app2lx | {
"description": "waking roommate up to take care of her dog",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for waking roommate up to take care of her dog? | On the weekends my (M23) roommate (F23) doesn’t have, and she has a strange sleep schedule (4:00AM-4:00PM). She recently bought a puppy, without giving me very much heads up. She keeps it in a kennel while they sleep. So often I will let the dog out so she will stop yelping , this way I can focus on my work, as I am a full time student. Well the last two days it has had an accident in the kennel and wouldn’t quit yelping. It was the worst shit of all time, it’s still in the house a day later!!! So both times I woke my roommate up and asked her nicely to take care of it. Both times she did. But the second day she was obviously upset about it. Later in the day she writes a set of “dog rules”. Some where as follows.
•if taken out of kennel by someone other than (roommate) you are taking full responsibility of the mess inside and outside of the kennel.
• do not take dog out of the kennel unless taken outside and walk first or leave for whenever (roommate) is ready to take out.
• if you can’t handle smell, or noise, you have car keys you can leave.
I told her that “if I take her out, so she’ll stop yelping, I will clean up any mess she makes after that point. Though I shouldn’t have to. Normal human beings are up at 10:00AM-12:00PM and have already walked their dogs. But those other rules, I am not going to follow. I pay rent to stay here and I need to study/do homework. Even if I am not studying and just watching TV I will wake you up. I shouldn’t have to sit here smelling and listening to your dog. It’s yours and you WILL take responsibility for it. You’re not gonna tell me to leave a place that I pay money for, because you want to sleep the afternoon away. It’s illogical and unethical.”
So AITA here??? My boy Wyatt (my best friend/her boyfriend) thinks I am in the right, but he’s scared to say anything as this is his first girlfriend and he doesn’t wanna mess stuff up. Plus I ain’t no snitch. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.