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i get my large c-cups from my mom also , but i 've always kept them covered up . | [
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i see how men get distracted by them , like they 're some tractor beam pulling them in . | [
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one more quick glance to check my mascara application , and i nod at myself , satisfied . | [
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it 's been a long time coming , but i think i 'm finally ready to party . | [
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chapter two the spring night air is warm on my face as i walk across campus to meet cara and her friends . | [
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i pass other students heading out for the night and feel happy to count myself among them . | [
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i go over my rules for myself as i near the crew house , which is just across the street from campus . | [
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no more than three drinks . | [
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no talking about classes . | [
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no weirdness around nate thornhill . | [
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`` brynn ! '' | [
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cara yells from the opposite sidewalk . | [
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i wave as i head over . | [
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`` i ca n't believe you got a lawn room ! | [
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that 's amazing ! '' | [
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i lean over to give her a hug . | [
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she 's an effortlessly cool , petite brunette-the kind of girl that everyone considers to be their friend . | [
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`` thanks ! '' | [
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`` holy shit ! | [
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you got a lawn room ? | [
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are you , like , a genius or something ? '' | [
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her friend rachel asks , her jaw dropping . | [
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`` i wish ! | [
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then all those papers would have taken me way less time to write , '' i reply with a laugh . | [
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`` cara says you 've never been to a crew party ? '' | [
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marie , the knockout of the group , asks . | [
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`` nope ... just never made my way over here i guess , '' i reply , downplaying the situation . | [
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`` well , they have the best parties , '' she assures me . | [
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`` and the hottest guys . '' | [
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`` lacrosse guys are hotter , '' rachel argues . | [
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`` of course , if you can always do both ... '' marie murmurs , and they burst into laughter . | [
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`` hey , you look great , by the way , '' cara says to me as we walk up the front steps of the house . | [
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`` love that top . '' | [
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`` thanks , '' i say , trying not to glow . | [
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a couple guys chilling on the front porch greet the other girls by name , and i blush as i feel their eyes glance over me . | [
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i tug my hair self-consciously as one of them grins at me . | [
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two girls hurry past us in the opposite direction . | [
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one leans over the railing as her friend barely manages to pull her hair back before she retches into the bushes . | [
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lovely . | [
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sweat and the scent of beer greets us as we walk inside . | [
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the lights are dim , barely illuminating the mass of people crowded into the main room , and i feel my heels sticking to the sticky floor . | [
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`` cara , the love of my life ! '' | [
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a tall , brawny guy says , sweeping her up into a hug . | [
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i recognize him from the crew team . | [
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not that i 've studied their roster photos or anything ... `` oh , ha , ha , '' cara says , rolling her eyes , though something about the gleam in her eyes tells me she likes the guy . | [
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`` can i get you ladies a beer ? '' | [
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he asks , nodding to the keg behind him . | [
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`` yes , please , '' cara says . | [
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`` hey , foster , this is my good friend brynn . | [
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this is her first crew party so treat her nice . '' | [
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`` i 'm always nice ! '' | [
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foster says indignantly , then bows in front of me and offers his hand . | [
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`` m'lady , '' he says , as i place my hand in his and raises it to his lips . | [
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marie and rachel giggle and then head over to another group as foster hands them their beers . | [
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cara and i follow foster over to an old , mysteriously stained , couch in the corner . | [
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we weave around other scantily clad co-eds , and for the first time in my life , i feel like one of the cool kids . | [
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i perch nervously on the far left cushion as cara sits next to me , with foster on her other side . | [
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i slowly sip my beer as he whispers in her ear . | [
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i 've had beer before , even gotten tipsy a few times with allison and miriam when we first turned twenty-one and tried out some wine bars . | [
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i just want to make sure i do n't overdo it tonight and end up like that girl we passed on the way inside . | [
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`` where 's nate tonight ? '' | [
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my head whips around as i hear cara ask foster the question . | [
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my heart stops for a second . | [
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i have to admit i 'll feel crushed if he 's not even here . | [
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`` he 's somewhere around , probably getting crushed under a pile of chicks , '' foster rolls his eyes , and cara laughs . | [
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i down half my beer . | [
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i ca n't believe how jealous it makes me feel , i 've never even met the guy . | [
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cara and foster keep chatting , and though cara makes an effort to include me , i 'm feeling too nervous to contribute much to the conversation . | [
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by the time i finish my beer , i really have to pee . | [
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`` be right back , '' i murmur to cara , and go looking for the bathroom . | [
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i weave through the sweaty throng to a hallway along the stairs . | [
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i see a line of five girls outside of what i assume is the bathroom , and with a sigh , i step behind the last one . | [
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the door opens and a guy darts in front of the front girl . | [
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`` hey ! '' | [
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1005,
1005,
102
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she protests . | [
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8090,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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`` sorry ! | [
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] | [
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emergency ! '' | [
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102
] | [
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] | [
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he cries , and shuts the door behind him . | [
101,
2002,
12842,
1010,
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3844,
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2341,
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i lean back a little and glance up the stairs . | [
101,
1045,
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2210,
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6054,
2039,
1996,
5108,
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] |
there are several people hanging out on the landing , but it 's definitely quieter up there , and i 'm sure there 's more than one bathroom in this place . | [
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holding my legs close together , i turn around and hurry up the stairs . | [
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i bypass the first couple rooms with open doors and come to a couple closed ones . | [
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i can see a room at the end of the hall that looks like a lounge , with a pool table in the middle of the room . | [
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1,
1,
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] |
one of these two rooms must be the bathroom . | [
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2028,
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2122,
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2442,
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5723,
1012,
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] | [
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i lean toward the nearest one and press my ear against it . | [
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i ca n't hear anything . | [
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i knock softly and wait for a reply , and when i do n't hear one , i slowly turn the knob and open the door . | [
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] |
i gasp as it 's pulled open and out of my grasp . | [
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1045,
12008,
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1005,
1055,
2766,
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2026,
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my eyes fly up and immediately i realize that nate is standing before me . | [
101,
2026,
2159,
4875,
2039,
1998,
3202,
1045,
5382,
2008,
8253,
2003,
3061,
2077,
2033,
1012,
102
] | [
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] |
`` i ... i ... '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
1045,
1012,
1012,
1012,
1045,
1012,
1012,
1012,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
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0,
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1,
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1
] |
i stammer . | [
101,
1045,
2358,
3286,
5017,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
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1
] |
his pupils dilate as he stares at me in amusement . | [
101,
2010,
7391,
29454,
3686,
2004,
2002,
14020,
2012,
2033,
1999,
9778,
1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i let my gaze fall down his body . | [
101,
1045,
2292,
2026,
3657,
2991,
2091,
2010,
2303,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
he 's naked but for a pair of pale blue boxers . | [
101,
2002,
1005,
1055,
6248,
2021,
2005,
1037,
3940,
1997,
5122,
2630,
18508,
1012,
102
] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
good lord , his body is ridiculous . | [
101,
2204,
2935,
1010,
2010,
2303,
2003,
9951,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
the line down between his six-pack looks like it was etched in stone . | [
101,
1996,
2240,
2091,
2090,
2010,
2416,
1011,
5308,
3504,
2066,
2009,
2001,
20286,
1999,
2962,
1012,
102
] | [
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
it 's suddenly very difficult to breathe . | [
101,
2009,
1005,
1055,
3402,
2200,
3697,
2000,
7200,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
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0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
`` see anything you like ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
2156,
2505,
2017,
2066,
1029,
1005,
1005,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
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1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
he asks drily . | [
101,
2002,
5176,
2852,
6588,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |
i snap my gaze back up . | [
101,
1045,
10245,
2026,
3657,
2067,
2039,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0
] | [
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1,
1
] |