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that is , until the security guard at the front gates looks up from his crossword puzzle with a scowl . | [
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`` you might want to duck down in your seat a little , '' emerson tells me . | [
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i obey , without daring to ask why . | [
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the security guard lumbers out of his hutch , signaling for us to stop . | [
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emerson eases up on the gas as we approach , rolling toward the gates . | [
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but just as we 're coming up on the school guard , my reckless companion floors it . | [
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with a rabid whirr of the engine , we fly past the baffled guard and swing out onto the main road out of town . | [
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i swallow down a terrified yelp as i watch our school shrink behind us in the rearview mirror . | [
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`` desperate times , right ? '' | [
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emerson laughs , slapping the steering wheel with his palms . | [
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`` i do n't understand why you 're so desperate to get to some stupid house party , '' i grumble , crossing my arms . | [
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`` even if it is in honor of your birthday . '' | [
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emerson raises an eyebrow at me , an amused grin spreading across his face . | [
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`` holy shit , abby , '' he crows , laughing at my surly expression . | [
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`` you are , hands down , the most gullible person on the planet . | [
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did you seriously think- ? '' | [
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`` what ? '' | [
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i ask , sitting up a little straighter , `` did i think what ? '' | [
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`` did you seriously think i was going to blow off what we planned for some stupid birthday party ? | [
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damn . | [
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i must be a better liar than i thought , '' he chuckles , pulling out a cigarette . | [
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my heart inflates like a helium balloon as i catch his drift . | [
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`` you mean , '' i breathe , `` we 're still on ? | [
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for ... ? '' | [
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`` of course we 're still on , '' he says , glancing my way . | [
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`` you think i 'd actually miss the chance to follow through on my promise to you ? | [
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you must be out of your damn mind , lady . '' | [
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`` but then why- ? | [
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what- ? '' | [
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i stammer , smiling despite myself . | [
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`` i had to feed bob and deb that house party bullshit , '' he explains , turning off onto the highway ramp . | [
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`` they may be the two most oblivious , self-centered people on the continent , but even they would have been suspicious if their teenage son and daughter had announced they were going off on a romantic seaside retreat together . '' | [
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`` you know something sawyer , '' i say , beaming at his brilliance , `` you 're a lot smarter than you look . '' | [
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`` wish i could say the same for you , '' he scoffs playfully . | [
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`` i ca n't believe you fell for that whole thing . '' | [
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`` guess my heart is just too pure and wholesome for my own good , '' i kid , fluttering my eyelashes daintily . | [
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`` or you 're just gullible as hell , '' emerson replies , cranking up the radio and laying on the speed as we soar along the highway . | [
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in a matter of minutes , my heart has been entirely mended . | [
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emerson had no intention of abandoning me after all , and certainly did n't run off and spread my secrets around the school behind my back . | [
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but as happy as i am to be back on track with him , a little part of me is worried about the intensity of my reaction to the mere idea of losing him . | [
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his smallest action has the power to send me soaring to new heights of bliss or drag me down to devastating lows . | [
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i 've never intentionally let someone hold that much sway over my heart and mind . | [
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never cared so much for someone to the point of trusting them so fully . | [
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i have every reason to think that i can trust emerson not to hurt me . | [
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but clearly , i 'm having trouble putting any weight on that faith in him . | [
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i ca n't go into this half-heartedly . | [
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if i make the choice to trust him , be vulnerable and open with him , then i 've got to charge full speed ahead . | [
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the quickest way to ruin this thing we 've got is to hold back from each other . | [
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we both risked a lot even telling each other how we feel . | [
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we 've come so close to breaking through each others ' iron-clad defenses . | [
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it 's time to lower the walls once and for all . | [
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as we race along in emerson 's chevy , i reach for his hand . | [
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without missing a beat , he gives my hand a squeeze , letting me know that i 'm safe and sound with him . | [
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if i 'm honest with myself , i 've known that all along . | [
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and that might be the scariest part of this whole thing . | [
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chapter seven at least one part of emerson 's story was true-we are , in fact , spending the weekend at the beach . | [
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only , instead of shacking up with a bunch of other kids in someone 's rich parents ' beach house , we 're staying in a tiny motel in a room of our own . | [
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i tease emerson as we pull up to the place . | [
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`` a motel ? | [
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seriously ? '' | [
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i smile , grabbing my backpack . | [
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`` bit of a cliche , is n't it ? '' | [
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`` i can set up a tent on the beach if you 'd rather , '' he shoots back , `` but this place has hbo . | [
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so i hope you wo n't mind if i do n't join you . '' | [
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we get our keys from the front office , only drawing a slightly suspicious look from the man behind the desk . | [
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but hey , emerson 's eighteen now , and has the id to prove it . | [
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that 'll take a little getting used to-the whole being able to do whatever we please thing . | [
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it may not be a huge deal , booking a motel room of our own , but it 's cool all the same . | [
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it 's a taste of adult independence , and damn is it thrilling . | [
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though not nearly as thrilling as what 's set to go down in said motel room , that 's for damn sure . | [
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we find our room at the end of a long line of doors . | [
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the motel sits right on the edge of the dunes overlooking the long island sound . | [
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the spring air is just cool enough to be refreshing , and the sun is just beginning to set over the water . | [
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emerson pushes open our door , and we step over the threshold together . | [
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my reservations about staying in a motel evaporate as i take in the space . | [
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2026,
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it 's a quaint , simple room , well kept and cozy . | [
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i spot a deep bathtub through the open bathroom door , a huge window with a view of the sea ... and a big queen bed right in the center of the room . | [
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seeing that big-enough-for-two bed makes this whole thing real for me . | [
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i 'm finally going to sleep with emerson sawyer . | [
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after all these years of wanting him from afar , he 's right here beside me . | [
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we 're here with each other . | [
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it 's almost too good to be true . | [
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do n't think that , i chide myself , the second you think something 's too good to be true , it usually is . | [
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`` well , '' emerson says with a smile . | [
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`` i 'm starving . | [
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1036,
1036,
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1049,
18025,
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] | [
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] |
you gon na take me out for a birthday dinner or what ? '' | [
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2202,
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`` since you asked so nicely , '' i roll my eyes , `` sure . | [
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where do you want to go ? '' | [
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he knows a place nearby , and drives us over to get some grub . | [
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it 's a tiny , seaside shack with maybe a dozen tables . | [
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the menu is heavy on seafood and regional staples . | [
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there 's a warmth to the place that can only be captured during the offseason at a sleepy beach town . | [
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in short , it 's perfect . | [
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we settle down into a table by the window and tuck into our complementary basket of biscuits . | [
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the buttery , flaky pastry makes my eyes flutter closed with pleasure . | [
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i have n't eaten anything all day . | [
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`` how 'd you know about this place ? '' | [
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i ask emerson , perusing the menu . | [
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`` my dad used to take me here when i was little , '' he replies , looking out the wide front windows toward the docks . | [
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`` we 'd come out fishing early in the morning , then stop here for lunch before driving home . | [
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