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"Were you afraid of the answer?" |
Her stomach lurched. Her breath stuttered. Briefly, the image of Gortash skewered by her sword flashed through her mind. |
She forced herself to breathe. Calmly, Tav replied, "I’m not afraid of you." |
She kept her gaze away from the red leather seat; fixed it instead on the picture on the wall. The outlines were faded, the colors all but gone. She could make out the features of two people, entwined, their eyes turned towards one another as they held each other close. Lovers, maybe. |
"I'm not really here, remember? Maybe I never was." |
Tav blinked. She could almost see Gortash in front of her, watching her with a rueful smile- but then the shadows around him wavered and convulsed. Despite herself, Tav found herself wondering how they had spent their time here together. What memories this place had seen that she’d now forgotten. |
Had Gortash sat here with a book in his hand, listening to her latest report on those she’d killed? Was there ever a moment, right at this table, where he leaned in close as they debated on trusting Ketheric and Orin? Had they ever swapped cups, and he'd tease her about her tastes with a raised brow? |
Did he ever smile as she sang him her latest tunes, his eyes sharp and glinting, warning her not to try anything against him? Did he know full well that she wouldn’t? |
Because she wouldn’t have, would she? Gortash had been someone to her. Someone that tore an ache in her heart, even though her mind didn’t know why. No amount of tadpoles, or trauma, or anything she’d been through had managed to dislodge that maddening truth; that sensation of grief and loss that seeped deep into her very soul when she watched the life fade from his eyes. |
And now, all that was left in front of her was an empty seat enshrouded in shadows. |
"Who were you?" Tav whispered to nobody. |
"You know who I am. I’m the cruel tyrant that enslaved your precious Gate. I’m the man that was your comrade-in-arms to lead the Absolute. I’m the one who welcomed you back with open arms, until you stabbed me through the heart." |
She winced. The specter in her mind hummed appreciatively. He seemed different from the Gortash she had known just a few days prior. Just as prone to grandiose speeches, but this one seemed... more familiar. Warmer. |
Maybe she was really going mad. Gortash’s voice chuckled around her. |
"Or drunk. You never could hold your liquor." |
Spitefully, Tav took another drink. "And you would know?" |
Another chuckle. |
"I daresay we both know far more of each other than we’d care to admit." Gortash raised his cup to her. He watched her with a thin smirk across the table, a false bravado that Tav could see through all too easily. |
She leaned in closer with a sharp grin. "That troubles you? That an Unholy Assassin of Bhaal knows your favorite wine?" |
A stormy look crossed Gortash’s dark eyes. "Quite frankly," he said, "I trust you as far as I could throw you- which isn’t far, mind. But I trust you far more than anyone else in this wretched world." |
She paused then, running a finger around the rim of her tankard. It was a truthful answer. If nothing else, Gortash had always been truthful to her in most ways- he didn’t see the point of hiding things from someone like her, he once said. And if they were to dive into the Hells together, then he wanted her to know that he had her back, just like she did him. |
It was what she liked about the man, after all. Before him, her life was filled with back-stabbing, of blood and betrayal, mostly by her own hand. The constant sense of having to live up to standards beyond her own mortal reckoning. The promise that she had to do so, for a Father that was divine. |
After meeting Gortash, it was much the same but- at least this was different. Almost... what she imagined normalcy might have been like. |
Gortash arched an eyebrow at her pensiveness. "What, did you truly think I asked to drink with you out of a desire to cross-check if you’ve murdered enough people every week? What was it this time, an entire platoon of Flaming Fists?" |
Despite herself, a wry smile pulled at her lips. "Two, actually," she said. Hesitantly, she added, "I’d say the feeling is mutual." |
"Oh?" Gortash seemed relieved, almost, the look in his eyes the most genuine she’d ever seen. |
"Oh," she responded with a grin. |
Gortash laughed in return. And so easily, his hand reached out across their little table- |
And Tav jerked her hand away, almost knocking the tankard over in the process. Gortash’s laugh echoed somewhere behind her. It was not at all mocking; almost warm, teasing. And against her fingers, she still felt the phantom weight of someone’s hand. |
Clasped around her fingers. Around his murder weapon. |
She squeezed her eyes shut. |
"You wanted this, didn’t you?" |
Tav swallowed. Despite herself, she wasn’t quite sure what the voice meant. She wanted to know more about her past life with Gortash. She wanted to know why her chest ached when she thought of him. Why he was important to her. But when she closed her eyes... she found herself slipping against the memory of him, of his touch- |
And Gortash was warm. Far more than Tav had ever allowed herself. Far more than what Father would have given her. He was flesh against her skin, sandalwood in her nostrils. He was a weight against her back, a breath against her lips, a taste of citrus and sage on her tongue- |
She gasped. All too quick, the sensations faded, and for the briefest moment, Tav was all alone at the table once more. She trembled, clasping her hands together. Her mind refused to believe it, but the way her heart thumped madly, as if it wanted to escape its cage- |
"Two peas in a pod. Two Chosen, their destinies set to them by their gods. Two children of Baldur’s Gate, with only each other for company." |
It was strange to linger in anyone’s arms. But as Gortash’s hand traced the column of her throat, Tav didn’t feel out of place. Almost felt... safe, as dark eyes watched her appraisingly. |
He was the only person that had ever made her feel that way. |
"Is that all we are?" she asked with a small smirk, tracing his jaw. "Is that all you want us to be?" |
There was the smallest shift in Gortash’s expression, a flicker in the nebula of his thoughts. He leaned down to kiss her, slow and tender. "One day," he whispered in her ear, "we’ll be so much more." |
She shook her head. The visions so easily faded back into oblivion after the scarcest kiss against her mind, and Tav wasn’t sure- |
"Were those memories?" |
"Or are you making all of this up?" |
She pursed her lips, staring into the tankard in front of her. There was no answer in the dark liquid’s depths, no dark eyes staring back at her, no knowing smirk. |
"I wish-" She wet her lips. "I don’t know you. Not anymore. Not in my mind." |
The ale didn’t respond. All around her, the tavern’s patrons were starting to leave; the already quiet room lulling to the sound of the barkeep at the other end, and maybe the halted whispers of the few that remained. |
"But I think I still remember you, here ." Tav pressed a hand over her heart. She licked her lips, trying to chase away the sensation that still lingered from her thoughts. "Even though I have a new life, I still remember you. Even though I fought to dismantle everything that we were, even though I want to be someone different... Some part of me refused to forget you. So I want to believe that some of that, at least... must be real." |
"How delightfully precious." |
The words were sharp and cutting, but the way Gortash said them was somber. Morose. It pulled another memory out of the darkness out of her mind. |
"Do you think we would have gotten along if we met under different circumstances?" she asked. |
Gortash arched a brow at her question. He leaned back against the red leather chair, the ale sloshing in his tankard. |
"Where I was just Enver Flymm and you were just Tav?" He chuckled lightly. "I believe I would have found your violent tendencies most annoying, my dear." |
She scowled, glaring daggers at him, only for the man to laugh at her, the Chosen of Bhaal. Gortash didn’t seem to care though, and he leaned forward and poke her nose with a bright smile. |
"But well, I’m sure if you managed to curb them- I daresay we would have gotten along quite well." |
Tav breathed. Her knuckles had gone white, clutching at the tankard. She blinked- and her eyes felt dry, painful almost. She could almost see him, feel him, and she reached into the depths of her mind, following those threads of feelings. Pulling, into the darkest recesses of herself that she never wanted to peel open again- |
Then Gortash leaned forward, cupping her chin. His expression was serious, his dark eyes piercing straight through her unholy soul. |
He kissed her, raw and dominating, and she let him- oh, she would let him have his way with her, in any way he’d want- |
Then his hand closed around her throat. Tight, painful. But she let him, because how could she not? Not when this was Gortash, the man who was just like her, the man she trusted above all else. The man who knew she’d kill him one day, but touched her like this nonetheless. |
He kissed her, smiling as his hands controlled her movements, her breath. "You’re so lovely like this," he whispered. |
"You love this," she whispered. "Having me in your power. It’s what you’ve always wanted out of life, isn’t it?" |
Gortash chuckled in acknowledgement. "Not just you, my dear." His grip tightened as she shuddered from his touch, his dark eyes boring straight into her. Lowly, he whispered, "I’d have the whole world on its knees before me, and I would never give it up. Not the power. Not the strength." |
"Not even for me?" she rasped. |
He laughed, as if it was obvious. "Oh, Tav, I’d raze the world for you and present it at your feet, but no, not this. Not even for you. You’d have to kill me for it." |
She knew that. Knew it so well, loved him all the more for it. |
Then he kissed her again, pulling her senses from underneath her as he stole her to ultimate bliss. |
Tav came to with a shuddering breath. Let the stench of stale ale and overcooked food overwrite the scent of sandalwood and citrus. Dug her nails into the rough wood underneath her palms, coarse and hard and not at all smooth and warm. Focused on her breath, not the voice that lurked in her mind. |
For its part, the voice was quieter now. Gentler. |
"Why did you come here, Tav?" |
"To find peace," she answered shakily. "From- from you." |
"And what possible truth have you uncovered to lay me to rest?" |
"I... cared about you." Tav swallowed. |
"An understatement." |
She snorted, shaking her head. "If I had known- I’d have wanted you to come with me," she whispered into the air. "Out of that life. Into this freedom, where we could become whoever we wanted to be. Where I didn’t have to kill you. But, deep down, I knew-" |
"You knew that was always going to be a futile attempt." |
Silently, Tav nodded. She worried her lip, staring into the ale. "Being the Chosen of Bane was all you ever wanted. All you ever needed. I won’t ask for forgiveness, for what I had to do." |
"Nor would I ask you to. It’s what I like about you, actually- your brutality. Your straightforwardness. The way you always saw me for all I actually was." |
"Determined. Opportunistic. Tenacious." She quirked a smile. "The way you... cared for me just as I was, even though we were the two most cruel people in all the world. I... I think it was what I liked about you." |
The silence floated through her for a time. A peace blanketed over her, as she watched the flickers of the fading lamp light above. It was quiet now, and she was probably the only patron left. But in the darkened corner of the room, she didn’t feel quite so alone. |
She could still recall Gortash’s hand on hers, his blood against her skin. The look in his darkened eyes as he traced every feature of her face one last time. |
"I’m glad it was you," Gortash whispered with his dying breath. A final farewell. |
Tav sighed, leaning back against the chair. |
"Gods," she whispered under her breath. She took the moment to just let it all seep in. The flickers of memory now pulled away beyond her grasp again. The sensations that she still remembered, pressed into her body. The way his blood had drenched her skin like a final kiss goodbye. |
She fixed her attention to the empty seat in front of her, tried to give volume to the silhouette of Enver Gortash as he was. His knowing smirk, his piercing eyes. Tried to see him as he had been, as he always was. Cruel, dangerous... and oh so gentle, the way he had held her hand at the last. |
She lifted the cup in a silent toast. When she quaffed the rest of the cheap ale down, the burning in her heart no longer matched the searing of the alcohol down her throat. The voice in the back of her mind was all but gone. |
She could imagine the twinkle in his eyes, the soft chuckle of his voice. |
And then with a soft sigh, like the good assassin she used to be, Tav finally let Enver Gortash die. |
She didn’t cry. Not for a man she barely remembered, barely knew. But even now, she could feel the comforting weight of his hand over her heart, the gentle warmth of his smile against her skin. |
Or maybe they had always been there from the start. She didn’t know. Maybe that was what she’d tell herself, to survive. It wasn’t like Gortash had any way to complain about it. |
Tav left the tavern without much fanfare, nodding to the barkeep one last time before she stepped back out into the night. She didn’t bother trying to remember the roads as she traced her way back. She wouldn’t be back here again. |
The roads were quieter at this time of night. Most people were already fast asleep. It would do her good to do the same, what with all that she still had left to do. |
But as she crested a pair of stairs, she looked out. At the stunning view of the Lower City, sprawling buildings and bustling nightlife. Of the blanket of stars and the shining moon above. |
They might have stood here once. Watching over the city that they swore they’d destroy. |
Tav could almost hear him, one last time. A tug on her hand, the scent of sandalwood and citrus. A bygone whisper that she still held close to her heart, if she only cared to listen. |
With a gentle shake of her head, she turned. It was alright. Let the moonlight wash over her as she stepped away from the shadows, and back into the light. |
She had a life to lead and a city to save. A duty, to finally put their plans to rest. |
"I do love you, you know." |
The admission was soft, stolen in the faint moments between their lives. Witnessed only by the stars. A moment just for them, in between their plans and divine instructions, removed from the blood and betrayal in their lives. |
Gortash watched her with something not so controlled in those dark eyes. His smile, more tentative than sure. Despite all he was, despite all he could do, all he planned to do- Tav knew that this was unscripted. Something beyond the paths laid for them. |
Tav reached out then, cupping his chin with her hands as she drew him down. Kissed him, tender and sweet. Drank it all in, quenching a thirst she didn’t know she had. |
And he held her in return, tight in his arms, anchoring her against the maelstrom that was the chaos always following in their wake. |
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