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Heedlessly, she wrenched herself free of his hands, stepping back so quickly she nearly stumbled on her own feet. "I’m |
, okay?! I’m sick," she spat. "This stupid fucking body, it..." |
Her stomach dropped, the anger draining from her so quickly she felt like she was nothing but ice. Astarion’s eyes had widened, his body tensed, his arms raised. He looked terrified, he looked like he was preparing to run, or preparing to shield himself from a blow. |
. Wanting to run from |
The last of her strength fled from her body and she nearly crumpled to the ground. She choked out his name, covering her mouth as she realized what she had done. She had not lifted a hand to him, but she had raised her voice in rage, she had screamed at |
"Oh Astarion, I’m |
." Her eyes burned, the edges of her vision turning to quicksilver. "I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I would never-" |
She expected him to leave, to tell her that he needed space for a while. Everything between them was so new, fragile as spiders silk, as the morning rays of light. And here she was, ruining it so quickly, little better than a beast. |
What she did not expect, as the colours of the world blurred together, washing away entirely from the tears in her eyes, was his arms wrapping around her, clutching her tight to his chest. |
"You should have told me instead of trying to hide it," he sighed into her hair. His voice was soft, sad, but his hold around her remained firm, as if he had no plans to let her go. "What good did it even do?" |
She sniffled, tucking her face against his shoulder. |
," he continued, clicking his tongue. "You’re lucky I love you for more than your brains, my dear. You’re not always the smartest." |
She choked on a sob, clutching at him with the last dregs of her strength. "I didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t want to burden anyone." |
Another sigh, sounding resigned. "Don’t you trust me?" |
I do." She struggled to pull away, enough to meet his gaze. "Of course I trust you!" |
The sorrow in his eyes made her flinch, and she wilted, feeling like she would crumple to the ground were he not holding her up. "Then you should trust that I would not think you were a burden." |
She opened her mouth to argue but he shook his head, shushing her quickly. |
"I don’t think so, darling, I’m not done yet." He waited until her mouth snapped shut before continuing. "I love you, I w |
you, regardless of the circumstances, or how you’re feeling." At that he paused, smirking. "Or the |
you’re in. And we both know you’re no angel in the morning." |
Aspen would have made a sharp retort had her head not hurt so badly the world was beginning to spin. The pain in her belly and legs had dulled to a steady ache, almost bearable were it not for her |
He clicked his tongue again, his bottom lip wavering in a facsimile of a pout. "You know that scowl is |
cute, my love, but don’t hurt yourself trying to think up something clever on |
"You’re in a mood," she grumbled, flicking her eyes up, staring at the sky as indigo slowly crept towards the horizon. |
"Maybe it’s because my partner won’t tell me what’s |
, and would much rather brood alone in some corner of the camp than talk to me." He took her chin in his hand, drawing her focus back to him. "Maybe it’s because she’s worrying me and I feel completely helpless to stop it." |
The words were spoken quietly, but she recoiled from them all the same, as though he had thrown sharp-edged knives her way. |
Aspen would have ducked her head had he not been holding it in such an iron grip. "I’m sorry." |
He scoffed, brows drawing together. "I don’t want you to |
. I just..." He cursed, his hand falling to her waist. "Aspen I love you, and I’ve never loved someone before. Not |
. I don’t know what I’m doing. I need you to |
His eyes were wide as saucers, their deep carmine seeming to seep away with every passing second. He looked helpless as a babe, and she wanted to cradle him against her chest, wanted to tear herself apart for making him feel such a way. |
"I need you to tell me when something is wrong." He sighed, squeezing her waist. "I need to know, so I can help you as you have helped me." |
"I cannot do that to you," she argued, shaking her head. "I cannot bear to burden you and make you feel as though you |
do things for me and tend to me and-" |
He covered her mouth with his palm, and she was so shocked by the suddenness and strangeness of it that she was struck silent, her voice stolen away from her. |
"Are you quite done yet?" He was frowning now, looking annoyed rather than sad. She supposed that was an improvement; she would rather stoke his ire than be a cause of sorrow. |
He sighed, exasperated. "Nod if that’s a yes, darling. My patience is waning." |
She gave a quick bob of her, ignoring the childish part of her brain that said she ought to lick his hand to get away. |
"Good." He dropped his hand, some of his irritation fading away. "I already told you that you are no burden. I don’t particularly want to hear about how you cannot |
Figuring it was in her best interest to remain silent, she kept her protestations to herself. Which was well enough, considering the pain in her head seemed to be doubling with each passing second. Her eyes grew heavy, the pain siphoning away the last of her strength. |
"You are my lover, my |
, my equal. And as much as I do love being the receiver of all your attention," at that he paused, offering her a wan grin. "I want to do the same for you." |
At her silence, Astarion sighed, long and theatrically as if she had asked him to do something utterly absurd. |
"My darling, do you understand?" He asked, eyes searching hers. "I may not be skilled at caring for others, but surely with a little practice I could heal everything that ails you." |
She nodded, squeezing her fists tight. "I understand." |
His body relaxed, his feigned smile brightening, turning true. "Good. Now tell me what’s going on." |
It was with a small voice that Aspen quickly recounted to him what had been upsetting her all day. The pain that had made her stumble, the way it had continued to bloom, the way it was as familiar to her as the lines in her own hands. His once-bright smile faltered as she spoke, a line appearing between his brows as he grew somber, listening quietly. |
When she was done he sighed again, although this time without his usual dramatics. "I wish you had told me sooner." |
Her knees shook, barely able to keep her upright, her voice quivering as she spoke. "Are you angry with me?" |
"What?" His brows shot up. "I’m not angry with you, love. I only wish you had told me sooner." He stroked her cheek, silent for a moment. "I wish I had known, then perhaps I could have made sure I didn’t almost lose you." |
"I’m alright," she said with a shrug. "I wasn’t harmed, and the pain will pass eventually. It’s only right now that everything is unbearable." |
"Then let me help make it a little more bearable," he insisted. "Let me take care of my love. |
She blinked, the sound of her blood rushing in her veins near deafening. Had he just said " |
’ Had Astarion, her beloved troublemaker, just said |
"Say that again," she said, positive she had hallucinated it. She needed to know for certain, because if she was having auditory hallucinations then maybe what she needed was a healer. |
His brow furrowed, but the corners of his lips quirked up. "Please let me take care of you." His smirk grew wide. "Did it not sound sincere enough the first time?" |
"No, I..." She forgot what she was going to say, equally parts bemused and delighted. |
Could she really let him care for her? Could she really let herself be weak? Would that be okay? |
He hummed, looking pleased with himself. "I must have some affinity for magic because it seems I’ve enchanted you." He brushed her bangs back from her brow. "Although maybe it’s just what ails you taking its toll." |
"Are you sure?" She asked, leaning against him. "Are you sure it’s alright? To ask you to care for me?" |
"I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t alright with it." He drew her head close, pressing his lips to her brow. "Give me a few minutes and I’ll have the tent set up. Then you can rest inside." |
His arms loosened, releasing her from his embrace. Aspen stumbled back a step, but kept her fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt. "Wait. Will you still stay with me?" |
Carefully, Astarion managed to pry her hands free, clasping them between his palms. "I’m not going anywhere, darling, you don’t have to worry. Go sit down." |
It didn’t cross her mind to argue with him at all, or to insist on helping to put her tent up. Aspen only trudged over to the nearest grassy spot and sat back, curling her legs up against her chest and propping her chin on her knees. She watched as Astarion swiftly finished assembling the tent. His movements were quick and sharp, setting up the poles and smoothing out the fabric of the cover and tying down the ropes so it did not fall over them in the night. |
"There," he looked smug as he clapped his hands together. "That didn’t take so long, did it?" |
She frowned, pretty sure he was teasing her over her resistance to being helped. |
"Don’t look at me like that," he pouted, offering his hand. "I think for my efforts I deserve some sort of reward." |
Taking his outstretched hand, she let him pull her to her feet. "And what kind of reward are you thinking?" |
sure yet, but I’m certain it will be something only |
can provide," he said with a smirk. |
She sighed. "Must you be so devious? When I’m unwell?" |
"I wouldn’t say I’m being |
." His smile told a different story, the flash of his eyes promising mischief. "I’m merely thinking of all the |
things that only you can do." |
"You’re going to have to |
for those things," she grumbled, letting him draw her into the blessed shadows of the tent. |
"I’d be happy to wait centuries if it meant sharing even a moment with you." |
Heat flared in her cheeks and she ducked her head, trying not to meet his eyes. She was certain she would fall apart if their eyes locked, the last of her strength going out of her. |
Astarion released her hand as he fetched her bedroll, then laid out a number of blankets, until a corner of the tent looked more like a nest than anything else. He gestured to it, looking a little lost, his earlier mischief gone. |
"Why don’t you lie down?" He cleared his throat, kneeling next to the pile blankets to peel them back. "I’m sure some rest will do wonders, my love." |
She felt relieved to finally be able to lie down, and she did not argue before crawling beneath the layer of blankets and drawing them up around her. Astarion, for his part, looked perplexed, his hands hovering awkwardly in the air before he settled on brushing her hair back, rubbing the tips between his thumb and forefinger as she nestled deeper into the blanket nest. |
"Do you feel better?" His brow wrinkled and he sounded hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with himself now. |
Aspen couldn’t help but smile. "A little." |
Nodding to himself, he stood. "Alright. Perhaps it would be best if I gave you some privacy then?" |
"No!" She sat up quickly, covering her mouth as her belly churned from the sudden movement, the world tilting back and forth like she were sitting in the middle of a boat. |
He was beside her again in a blink, eyes wide with worry, his hands cradling her face. "Is something else wrong?" |
"No, no I just..." She swallowed, her mouth dry as her stomach continued to roil. "Please don’t go. Please stay with me." |
He pursed his lips. "Let me get you some water first. Lie back down." |
Aspen clutched the blankets as he vanished from the tent. She really did want to lie down, but she felt vulnerable, delicate, like she would break against even the gentlest of wind. Would he come back, truly? Or would he leave her here in the shadows while hammers rained down against her skull, cracking the bone until there was nothing left but scraps. |
Would he think her weakness was repellant? Would he be turned away from her, not wanting to be anywhere near her? |
She had worked herself into a frenzy by the time he returned, a wry smile curling his lips. "I thought I told you to lie down." |
Her mouth opened, then snapped shut again. How did she tell him she was terrified he would think her terrible, that he would abandon her? |
He knelt beside her again, handing her a bottle of water. "Here. Have some water, then you really should lie down." |
"What, no snide remark?" She took the water from him, sipping it slowly. |
His fingers tangled in her hair. "I |
, considering you’re usually |
good at doing what I tell you. But I don’t think you’re in a state right now for any teasing." |
She glowered at him over the rim of the water bottle, earning an amused chuckle. |
"Don’t look at me like that, darling. You |
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