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She huffed, taking another few sips of water before handing the water back to him. "Thank you." |
Gesturing to the blankets, Astarion smirked. "Now, are you |
going to lie down? Or are you going to keep glaring at me?" |
"I don’t see why I can’t do |
." She laid back, still keeping her glare fixed to her face. "I’m getting quite good at glaring." |
He clicked his tongue. "While I agree it |
adorable, I think there are other expressions that look better on you, my pet." |
Hydrated and snug beneath countless blankets, Aspen should have closed her eyes and dozed into a fitful slumber. But it was not easy with Astarion hovering nearby, his face still drawn, tension in his shoulders. |
"Is there..." He spoke quietly, but it drew Aspen’s attention, her eyes snapping open to find his. The day’s light had not yet been entirely consumed by the night, yet the inside of the tent was bathed in shadows, Astarion’s eyes glowing bright as rubies in the dark. "Is there anything else I can do? I’m not sure what I can do." |
He looked a little helpless, raising his hands and letting them fall back into his lap. "I’ve never done this before." |
Aspen twisted the blankets in her hands, feeling just as small and helpless as he looked. They had shared much with each other, and yet something about admitting to her own vulnerabilities and neediness gave her pause. |
What else could he do? |
There were so many things she wanted, she did not know where to even begin. |
Chewing on her bottom lip, Aspen regarded him for a moment, steeling her nerves. "Promise not to tease me?" |
"My darling, I don’t know if I can promise |
He lifted his hands, palms facing out in surrender. "Alright, alright. I promise not to tease you." There was a pause as he grinned, his incisors catching the light that managed to bleed into the tent. "For |
"I guess that will do," she muttered. |
"Well?" He pressed, giving her a slight nudge. "Do you have some special task I can do? Shall I cast an enchantment over you while you sleep? Do you need me to forage for special herbs to heal you?" |
She laughed, covering her face as she snorted. "No, no, nothing like that." |
"Then what? Tell me, and I will do it." |
She breathed slowly, clutching the corner of a blanket to her chest. "If it’s not too much to ask, could you hold me? Please?" |
She couldn’t meet his eyes, which was absurd. She |
her request was quite tame, especially considering the things they had done together. She had shared her body with him, had shuddered beneath him as he’d mapped her entire body with his lips. |
Yet asking this small thing made her want to duck beneath the blankets and never emerge. Perhaps she would throw herself into the nearest body of water she could find and let the sweet relief of the current take her away into her next life. |
His hand on her cheek drew her from her thoughts, and when she finally did meet his gaze she nearly melted beneath the warmth she found there. "Certainly, my love." |
Astarion pulled back the blankets, crawling beneath them and drawing her into his arms. She settled against his chest, her head tucked beneath his chin, her arms curling around him. |
"How’s this?" He murmured the words against her brow, his hand stroking her hair. "Is this what you were hoping for?" |
She sank into his embrace, the tension she’d been carrying the entire day beginning to melt away. "It is, thank you." |
She could feel his smile against her skin, his breath warm. "I didn’t realize you were so needy for me, darling. If I had known I would have simply offered to cuddle you sooner." |
"You promised you wouldn’t tease!" She protested, wriggling in his arms in an attempt to get away. |
All Astarion did was laugh, holding her tighter, curling his body around hers. "You should know by now that sometimes I just can’t help myself. And you make it far too easy." |
"It’s not a crime to want to be held," she pouted, giving up her struggle. He had her firmly in his arms, and he didn’t seem keen on letting her go. |
"It’s not," he murmured against her hair. "It’s quite sweet, wanting me so terribly when you’re in need of comfort." |
"You’re going to make me barf." |
"Oh I don’t think so." He traced his index finger down the back of her neck. "You looked like you were about to cry when you thought I might leave. And you waited until I returned with your water before lying down." |
She stayed silent, listening as he chuckled softly, his touch soft as feather down as curled his fingers into the soft baby hairs at the nape of her neck. |
"You know what I think?" He asked, punctuating the question with a kiss. He did not wait for her to give a response. "I think that you need me." A stuttering breath tickled her brow. "As much as I need you." |
"I do need you," she admitted, clutching him tighter. "Please don’t go." |
"I’m not going anywhere," he breathed, pressing another kiss against her hair. "I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, darling." |
She closed her eyes, the pain in her head starting to ebb. "Oh thank the gods." |
He chuckled, stroking her hair. "Why don’t you rest now? It’s been a long day, what with you nearly dying." |
die. I was fine." |
He clicked his tongue, making it clear he did not agree with her in the least. "No more of that, though. If you’re feeling sick I want you next to me, got it?" |
"Since when did you become so demanding?" |
He scoffed. "I’ve always been demanding, darling. But |
so when my partner does idiotic things that puts her in danger." |
," she drawled, smiling as she nestled closer. "What you’re saying is that you’re worried about me? That you want me to stay close to, so you can protect me." |
"And what if I am?!" His voice cracked, rising an octave. "I |
said that I need you! So you can’t go dying on me because you’re being stupid." |
"Yes, my love," she murmured, pressing her face against his chest, breathing in the smell of him. "I promise next time I’m feeling ill I’ll come straight to you." |
." He huffed, his cheek pressing against the top of her head. "Maybe I’ll just sleep with you every night to make sure of it." |
"I’d like that." |
For a moment he tensed, his breath catching. The hand at her neck stilled for barely a moment before returning to its tender ministrations, sending tingles dancing down her spine. |
"Would you really?" He asked at last, sounding breathless. |
"I would. Sometimes I think about asking you to sleep with me at night." She peeled away, searching for his eyes in the dark. "Not for sex, just... Just to hold you, to be held by you." |
She gave a nod. Her headache was making her feel lightheaded, and she was heedless of the things she said. She’d been so desperate to hide how she was feeling earlier that day that she’d caused him to worry, had caused him pain. Maybe she shouldn’t keep anything hidden, at least not from him. |
"I really do need you." She pressed her hand against his chest, above his heart. "I love you, and I need you like air. I feel like I’ll suffocate without you." |
There were so many things he could have said in that moment, so many sharp rejoinders and witty remarks he could have made. But in that moment Astarion remained quiet, his hand covering hers. |
"I love you," he breathed. "I love you, Aspen." |
"I’d like if you slept with me every night, not just when I’m sick." |
He nodded, his smile tender. "I just might take you up on that." |
"I hope you do." |
He snorted, tucking her back against his chest. "Alright, alright. You need to get some rest, I doubt waxing on about your love for me will make you feel much better." |
She knew he was trying to be blasé, but she could still hear the smile in his voice. His hold remained gentle, but firm, like he was afraid she would break apart if he let her go for even a moment. |
They lapsed into silence after that, the rest of the day’s light beginning to wane. The shadows grew long, a slice of burning daylight cutting through the tent from the opening the last of their light. But even that too began to fade, softening to a pale pink before vanishing altogether, leaving them in the indigo of night. |
Aspen dozed, holding Astarion as tight as she dared. Her sleep was fitful, and she would have strange dreams every time she felt herself fading away. Dreams of falling, of being chased through darkened woods, of being lost in a labyrinth with the echo of monsters spurring her forward. |
Each dream was more unnerving than the last, but when she awoke she found herself still in Astarion’s arms, his fingers running through her hair or gently rubbing her back, coaxing her back to sleep. |
Her dreams were always strange when she was ill, and usually after she was freed from their grasp she would stay awake for a while, trying to calm herself down and convince herself to go back to sleep. But now when she awoke she felt safe, listening to the sound of his breathing to calm her own racing heart. |
It was well after midnight when she finally gave up trying to sleep fully, wanting only to cling to the quiet moments with him, not wanting to lose herself to her dreams. |
"Astarion?" She murmured, plucking at his shirt. |
He hummed softly. "Awake again?" |
"I get weird dreams when I’m sick," she said. "It makes it really hard to sleep." |
"So I can see," his lips brushed against her brow, his breath warm as it ghosted against her skin. "What would you have me do?" |
Aspen chewed on her bottom lip, considering her options. "You’re always reading something, aren’t you?" |
A beat of silence, then a hesitant "Yes, I |
Although he did not voice it, she still heard his silent question. |
Why was she asking? |
"Would it be too much trouble to ask if you could read to me?" She pressed the fabric of his shirt between her fingers. "I think it would be a comfort, listening to the sound of your voice." |
His laughter tangled in her hair, chased by a kiss dropped to the top of her head. "Well I certainly never get tired of hearing myself talk, and who am I to deny you the sound of my voice." |
Heat burned across her face, but Aspen was smiling as he drew away. "Thank you, love." |
"Don’t thank me yet," he said, standing. "You have no idea what I’ve been reading." |
"Something full of depravity and sex I had thought," she teased, watching as he searched for a lantern. "Or perhaps gratuitous violence." |
"Unfortunately they were fresh out of such novels last time I swiped one," he said, the clatter of a tin lantern sounding as he lifted one from where her things had been piled. |
A delicate fire flickered to life in the lantern, bathing the tent in gold. Aspen winced, the light sending daggers into her skull once more. Her stomach roiled like raging ocean waves, but after taking another few sips of water her belly calmed. And even better than her nausea subsiding, the sharp pain in her head turned to a dull ache once her eyes better adjusted to the light. |
"I’ll be right back," Astarion said, brushing his lips to the top of her head. "I have to fetch my things from where I left them." |
He was gone in a breath, and as his footsteps faded away, Aspen swore she could hear the shouts of their other companions. She couldn’t make out their cries, but it sounded an awful lot like laughter, or teasing perhaps. |
Barely a few moments passed before he returned, muttering curses under his breath as he handed her a bowl of food. |
"Eat," he insisted, dumping his belongings in the corner alongside hers. "I’m told that will help, too." |
She did not have much of an appetite, but she did as she was told, slowly bringing spoonfuls of the thick stew to her lips. It was salty, the broth drowning in chunks of potato and vegetables and what tasted an awful lot like rabbit. |
Astarion curled up beside her while she ate, book in hand, one arm snaking around her waist. |
She nodded, swallowing another spoonful. "A little better, yes." |
When she was done he took the bowl from her, granting her another kiss to the corner of her lips, and another to the curve of her jaw. |
"You’re being awfully affectionate," she said, earning a sharp glare. |
"I’m allowed to kiss my partner," he huffed. "And I can lavish her with as much affection as I want." |
"I’m not saying it’s |
, I’m only pointing it out." She scooted closer, pulling her lips into her best pout. "Please don’t be mad at me. It’s nice, I don’t want you to stop." |
Astarion continued to glare at her for another moment before rolling his eyes. "I |
, since you’ve asked so nicely, I can continue." |
"I love you," she cooed, biting back her smile as a pale flush crept across his cheeks. |
He rolled his eyes again, but this time he was smiling, and much to her delight, he could not seem to look away from her. "And I love |
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