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"You should’ve said no to him", Harry said. Anger still seemed to take a hold on him as his body came over her. |
"I did", Astoria insisted. |
"Not like that". |
His voice got lost in him. He was staring at her lips and she noticed it. And there he was, his lips caressed hers, but it wasn’t a kiss. He stayed there and when a sharp gasp escaped her lungs with surprise, he let himself in. Before she could think, his lips were pressed on hers and he was kissing her. A real kiss with his tongue playing with hers and then an angry bite on her bottom lips that was so harsh and unforgiving it left a taste of pain and pleasure. |
He pushed her down. Everything about him was rough. Astoria suddenly became conscious about the cold floor pressed against her skin. |
An empty kiss. He was standing on top of her. Over her. He wasn’t like Malfoy. He was careless in a way with it, the way he was with life. He kissed her roughly one more time and then focused on her neck. He found the places Malfoy showed her and pressed his tongue to take them away from him. |
It turned painful, but he didn’t stop even though she gasped from it. |
"Tell me how you told him", he said, panting in her ear. |
"What?", Astoria said as her consciousness clouded from thoughts. |
"My name. Tell me how you said it.", he groaned next to her face. |
There was alcohol in his breath. He was drinking before he met with her. That’s why there was a rough taste to his kisses. It was whiskey. |
"I –, I said your name", she tried to hold her breath. Her legs twisted in each other instinctively, but he broke that off with his body, pushing himself next to her. He was heavy, almost laying on top of her. |
"Say it", he grinned with his teeth. Anger. So much anger. |
A loud sound couth her attention. His belt was falling off his pants as he tried to push it away. It gave her a second to stop and to realize what was happening. |
This is Harry, she thought. My best friend. |
His hands were on her neck where Malfoy had his on the dance floor. But Harry tightened his fingers and held her down. All words choked in her throat, she could only let out a whimper. |
It was rough, but it was good. |
He finally released her only to grab her face. |
"He was teasing me!", Astoria screamed as air came back to her. " That’s when I said it. Harry, I said your name." |
His hand was on her mouth, punishing her for being loud. The belt rolled on the floor. He stood over her, spreading her legs with his body. There was something had pressing next to her tight. His hand slid from her face to her hair, pulling it. His grip was so strong she couldn’t even say his name again because of the sharp pain. |
"Stay quiet", he whispered. |
His other hand slid down her body. Like he used to hold her shoulders when he was worried about her, but he was moving lower. Tracing the collarbones and then lower on her chest where he stopped with a tight grip. |
"Here?", he asked, and she nodded. |
That seemed like an incorrect answer because his grip in her hair grew even tighter and Astoria whimpered from the pain. He paid little attention to her breasts, even though he pushed clothes out of his way, so he’d stare at the skin under them. But knowing Draco Malfoy already touched her there seemed to repulse him, as his hand quickly passed her upper body and traced her stomach, pushing up her skirt. |
"What about here?", he added as his hand held her legs still and opened. |
"No", she gasped, but he couldn’t hear her. |
His fingers slid on her tights as she tried to push them away. It was careless, quick, he seemed in a hurry with it. And then he finally touched her, caressed her. |
But it felt wrong. Because Harry was her best friend and even though this was all she ever wanted, she didn’t want it from him. Now she knew. |
He didn’t stop like Malfoy. His hands pulled on her knickers. He was rough and angry and it was her first time. She wanted to shriek in fear. She knew now with certainty she didn’t want it like that. |
A kiss drowned her voice and a warm touch intoxicated her. It took all the strength in her to stay rational, to distance herself and her emotions – all of it away from her body to observe the situation. He wouldn’t stop, dunk on the alcohol and on the kisses. |
So she made him. Her eyes went blank. Harry’s body fell on the cold floor next to her. Unconscious. |
The door was opened. She went in. Harry was on his knees. |
"Tori?", he gasped with confusion when he saw her. |
Astoria was in the Chamber of Secrets. She saw the basilisk roll out of the mouth of Salazar Slytherin’s statue. She saw Ginny, almost dead on the floor next to her. There was water spilling everywhere. A hand touched her shoulder. |
When she turned a young boy with black curly hair and sharp features stared at her. He was beautiful. He was human. |
Tom Riddle, she realized with horror and turned to Harry. A safe space. She needed to find a safe space. And her fingers pushed in his forehead, right on the scar, sinking in. Didn’t matter that it hurt him. |
Astoria was next to the window, staring at herself. Harry’s thoughts crawled around her, streaming in her consciousness. |
-his fingers on her- |
-disgusting, I wanted to be first- |
-it mattered because she was the closest I- |
-unstable, she grows everyday- |
-I’m going to fuck her so rough- |
She snapped. Harry’s eyes rolled back in place and he blinked at her with horror. Rage filling in the empty space he left. |
You can crush him – |
A voice reminded her, but she shook her head sharply. Unstable. Astoria tasted blood as she bit her tongue not to scream at him. |
"What did you do?", Harry almost shouted. |
She was leaning over him. Her nails clenched to the skin on his face just like he did it to her earlier. Every fiber in her wanted to kill him. |
"I told you to stop", she hissed at him and got up to leave. |
There was a Quidditch game coming between Slytherin and Gryffindor. A person could feel the tension in the air. |
Madam Pomfrey was explaining how to enlarge the Venus Fly Trap plant into the size of an elephant. Of course, good diet and gentle care. A boy named Neville Longbottom was the only student listening with genuine interest. Astoria on the other hand barely kept her concentration, feeling Harry’s eyes, pleading with her to turn to him. |
Guilt replaced the alcohol in his system. Astoria wanted to run away. Mostly her peers from Slytherin noticed her discomfort. Harry wasn’t being discrete about it either, though hiding his emotions was never his strength. |
Words merged in the textbook and Astoria forgot how to read and to see. Her hair was falling everywhere on her face and it irritated her so much she sighted out loud. |
Theo Nott gave her a curious look and raised an eyebrow. It was a while since he tried to talk to her. Maybe the fear wore off, she thought. |
Astoria tried to brush it off with a smile. Then Harry came and that smiled died on her face. Her body tensed as she looked up to him with horror, begging him to leave it be, but he didn’t. This was social death for her. Everyone knew they were friends, but they hadn’t really interacted publicly like that after the ball. |
And drama was always interesting to observe, she just pitied it was her that they were now using as amusement. |
"Listen, can we meet tonight? I want to talk to you", he whispered in her ear. |
Her body instinctively cringed on the sound of his voice and she quickly took a few steps back from him. Astoria couldn’t even look at him, but she forced herself to do so, so she’d appear on the outside as if everything was fine. She needed to put extra effort to compensate his lack of any. |
"I’m not sure if I can. I need sleep", she said drily. |
"I want you to know it won’t happen again." |
Harry sighed but didn’t say anything. He stood next to her for a bit, watching her stare with empty eyes at the textbook on the desk. When he turned, he brushed shoulders with Malfoy. Astoria looked with horror and met Draco’s ice-cold eyes. |
"Stay in your side, Potter", Draco hissed at him. |
"Watch your way, Malfoy", Harry snapped back. |
"Harry, leave it be!", Hermione Granger pleaded as she came to drag him away. Harry groaned but followed her. Crab and Goyle made some funny faces at him and laughed but that was most of it. |
It was Draco Malfoy who was now standing next to her. Astoria was going to kill something. Probably herself. |
"Did something happen?", he asked but there was no concern in his tone. It was cold. |
He probably hates me, Astoria thought. |
"I just worry about training", she replied coldly. |
Her fingers nervously tried to move her hair away from her face in some direction but it immediately fell back. Draco lifted his hand and Astoria watched with horror as his pale fingers twisted around her hair and moved it back for her, sliding it behind her ear. Then she felt his body freeze as his eyes grew dark with rage under his perfect blonde eyebrow hairs as if a shadow had fallen over his face. |
There was a spot on her neck. Not a hickey, but a different kind of bruise that came from Harry’s hand that choked her last night. Barely noticeable, yet Draco was close, close enough to see. Astoria feared how he’d react, only he didn’t. |
His jaw tightened so tense she thought he would break his teeth. Draco tried looking for answers in her eyes but she shied away and pulled down her hair once more. |
Silence remained between them for the rest of the class. He didn’t leave. |
When Madam Pomfrey clapped her hands and announced the end of class, Astoria hurried to put away her books, but his hand stopped her. Malfoy was staring down at her. |
When it was over she hurried to put away her books but his hand stopped her. He was staring down at her. |
"I want to talk", he said and then commanded, "Now". |
Astoria nodded. There was no point in arguing. She was going to tell him and it was all going to be over for good. This would eat her alive. Maybe it would hurt enough so she’d actually make progress in her training. |
Draco dragged her out of class and then to another room in the same hall. It was empty. He took out his wand and cast a spell to lock the door. Then he turned towards her. Glared at her like a wild beast, ready to tear her apart from rage. A wand faced her. |
"I can’t believe you actually fucked him!", he screamed at her as he rushed towards her and grabbed her face. Astoria gasped with horror. |
"No, please, not you too", she screamed as she cringed from his touch. |
That was not something he expected. Astoria lied, fought, pleaded, but she never appeared to him afraid. Draco stepped back and looked stunned from her reaction. He stayed like that, silent for a while, watching her face go from pale and afraid to red and ashamed. |
"What did he do to you?" |
Astoria was almost shaking in panic. There was no right answer to that question. |
"I didn’t fuck him", she finally said and sat at a chair. Her heart was hurting. |
Draco came closer to her, hesitated a little. The instinct to touch her came naturally to him, but he stopped himself and scratched his shower awkwardly. |
"Then what happened? You could tell me and I’d make it go away. Like before", he said softly. |
"No", she tried to escape his eyes, "It wasn’t like that. He just didn’t hear. He was drunk and I had to –",Astoria froze with horror as she remembered how afraid she was and what fear made her do. |
It was becoming clearer to her that something was wrong. Either a secret was kept from her or now she kept a secret from everyone else. |
"I want to know", Draco hissed. "What he did and how he did it". |
"No", Astoria shook her head. Her body calmed down and now she was looking at him, staring in his blue eyes. They weren’t cold anymore. They were like mirrors – empty. |
"He kissed me, but not like you. His hands choked me and it hurt. That’s all. Then I told him to stop and that I didn’t want it. He didn’t hear me and I had to push him back. We had a fight. That was it. It just scared me", Astoria said it all in one breath and then looked down. |
"Did he do anything else to you? Do not lie to me", Draco’s voice was unforgivable. |
"No, he didn’t. I didn’t want it to be him". |
Draco pulled her from the chair and as she stood on her feet, he took her in with his hands. He hugged her. Such an odd thing for Draco Malfoy, she thought. Her hands slid across his shoulders and locked behind them. |
Then she found his breath tingling the senses on her ear as he whispered. Rage was in his grip and in his voice. |
"I could hurt him.", he said to her so cold she shivered. |
"No", she pleaded, "Please don’t hurt him. Violence will only bring more violence." |
"I’m not afraid to be violent", he hissed and grabbed her chin. |
"I don’t want that." |
"Then what do you want?" |
"I just didn’t want it to be him", she confessed. "I just want to let time pass." |
Draco’s eyes studied her face, his hands somehow felt lighter on her body and he pulled back a step away from her. "I won’t stop you". |
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