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if you collected all the moments of coherent dialogue , they still wouldn't add up to the time required to boil a four- minute egg .
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despite all the talking , by the time the bloody climax arrives we still don't feel enough of an attachment to these guys to care one way or another .
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every bit as bogus as most disney live action family movies are -- no real plot , no real conflict , no real point .
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a sensual performance from abbass buoys the flimsy story , but her inner journey is largely unexplored and we're left wondering about this exotic-looking woman whose emotional depths are only hinted at .
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never engaging , utterly predictable and completely void of anything remotely interesting or suspenseful .
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spousal abuse is a major problem in contemporary society , but the film reduces this domestic tragedy to florid melodrama .
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oedekerk wrote patch adams , for which he should not be forgiven . why he was given free reign over this project -- he wrote , directed , starred and produced -- is beyond me .
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the creaking , rusty ship makes a fine backdrop , but the ghosts' haunting is routine .
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whatever eyre's failings as a dramatist , he deserves credit for bringing audiences into this hard and bitter place .
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scotland , pa . blurs the line between black comedy and black hole .
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it tries too hard , and overreaches the logic of its own world .
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the whole damn thing is ripe for the jerry springer crowd . it's all pretty cynical and condescending , too .
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i cry for i spy -- or i would if this latest and laziest imaginable of all vintage-tv spinoffs were capable of engendering an emotional response of any kind .
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a boring , formulaic mix of serial killers and stalk'n'slash .
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what you would end up with if you took orwell , bradbury , kafka , george lucas and the wachowski brothers and threw them into a blender . but that's just the problem with it - the director hasn't added enough of his own ingredients .
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with recent tensions rekindled by the kathleen soliah trial and the upcoming trial of sla members emily and william harris , not to mention sept . 11 , its difficult these days to appreciate fire's bright side .
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flaunts its quirky excesses like a new year's eve drunk sporting a paper party hat .
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writhing under dialogue like 'you're from two different worlds' and 'tonight the maid is a lie and this , this is who you are , ' this schlock-filled fairy tale hits new depths of unoriginality and predictability .
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. . . too slow , too boring , and occasionally annoying .
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is there enough material to merit a documentary on the making of wilco's last album ?
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faultlessly professional but finally slight .
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schmaltzy and unfunny , adam sandler's cartoon about hanukkah is numbingly bad , little nicky bad , 10 worst list bad .
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it's really yet another anemic and formulaic lethal weapon-derived buddy-cop movie , trying to pass off its lack of imagination as hip knowingness .
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scotland , pa . is a strangely drab romp . some studio pizazz might have helped .
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when perry fists a bull at the moore farm , it's only a matter of time before he gets the upper hand in matters of the heart .
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there's more scatological action in 8 crazy nights than a proctologist is apt to encounter in an entire career .
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too loud , too long and too frantic by half , die another day suggests that the bond franchise has run into a creative wall that 007 cannot fly over , tunnel under or barrel through .
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the cartoon is about as true to the spirit of the festival of lights as mr . deeds was to that of frank capra .
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. . . the sum of the parts equals largely a confused mediocrity .
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the tone shifts abruptly from tense to celebratory to soppy .
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if we don't demand a standard of quality for the art that we choose , we deserve the trash that we get .
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a modest and messy metaphysical thriller offering more questions than answers .
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julia is played with exasperating blandness by laura regan .
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morrissette's script and direction show a fair amount of intelligence and wit -- but it doesn't signify a whole lot either .
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there's suspension of disbelief and then there's bad screenwriting . . . this film packs a wallop of the latter .
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all ms . jovovich , as the sanctified heroine , has to do is look radiant , grimly purposeful and mildly alarmed while forcing open doors , wielding wrenches and fleeing monsters .
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mocking kung fu pictures when they were a staple of exploitation theater programming was witty . mocking them now is an exercise in pointlessness .
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this is a particularly toxic little bonbon , palatable to only a chosen and very jaundiced few .
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this isn't just the cliffsnotes version of nicholas nickleby , it's the cliffsnotes with pages missing .
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considering the harsh locations and demanding stunts , this must have been a difficult shoot , but the movie proves rough going for the audience as well .
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better at putting you to sleep than a sound machine .
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so clichéd that , at one point , they literally upset an apple cart .
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it's a decent glimpse into a time period , and an outcast , that is no longer accessible , but it doesn't necessarily shed more light on its subject than the popular predecessor .
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it might be the first sci-fi comedy that could benefit from a three's company-style laugh track .
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when the plot kicks in , the film loses credibility .
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credibility sinks into a mire of sentiment .
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the movie takes itself too seriously and , as a result , it makes for only intermittent fun .
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[davis] has a bright , chipper style that keeps things moving , while never quite managing to connect her wish-fulfilling characters to the human race .
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doesn't amount to much of anything .
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bullock's complete lack of focus and ability quickly derails the film
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so stupid , so ill-conceived , so badly drawn , it created whole new levels of ugly .
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the truth is that the truth about charlie gets increasingly tiresome .
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enduring love but exhausting cinema .
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some of seagal's action pictures are guilty pleasures , but this one is so formulaic that it seems to be on auto-pilot .
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a ponderous meditation on love that feels significantly longer than its relatively scant 97 minutes .
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a long-winded and stagy session of romantic contrivances that never really gels like the shrewd feminist fairy tale it could have been .
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a little too pat for its own good .
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there are films that try the patience of even the most cinema-besotted critic -- and this was one of them .
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watching trouble every day , at least if you don't know what's coming , is like biting into what looks like a juicy , delicious plum on a hot summer day and coming away with your mouth full of rotten pulp and living worms .
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well-intentioned though it may be , its soap-opera morality tales have the antiseptic , preprogrammed feel of an after-school special .
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what would jesus do if he was a film director ? he'd create a movie better than this .
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when a set of pre-shooting guidelines a director came up with for his actors turns out to be cleverer , better written and of considerable more interest than the finished film , that's a bad sign . a very bad sign .
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it's a deeply serious movie that cares passionately about its subject , but too often becomes ponderous in its teaching of history , or lost in the intricate connections and multiple timelines of its story .
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can't kick about the assembled talent and the russos show genuine promise as comic filmmakers . still , this thing feels flimsy and ephemeral .
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diane lane shines in unfaithful . almost everything else is wan .
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i'm afraid you won't get through this frankly fantastical by-the-numbers b-flick with just a suspension of disbelief . rather , you'll have to wrestle disbelief to the ground and then apply the chloroform-soaked handkerchief .
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so relentlessly wholesome it made me want to swipe something .
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the title helpfully offers the most succinct review of it you'll read anywhere .
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the makers of divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood should offer a free ticket ( second prize , of course , two free tickets ) to anyone who can locate a genuinely honest moment in their movie .
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god help the poor woman if attal is this insecure in real life : his fictional yvan's neuroses are aggravating enough to exhaust the patience of even the most understanding spouse .
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let's cut to the consumer-advice bottom line : stay home .
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undercover brother doesn't go far enough . it's just a silly black genre spoof .
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the film's implicit premise is that the faith of the tonga people is in every way inferior to that of john .
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rates an 'e' for effort -- and a 'b' for boring .
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you've already seen heartbreak if you've watched the far superior nurse betty or sunset boulevard . even the unwatchable soapdish is more original .
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plays like one of those conversations that comic book guy on " the simpsons " has .
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a journey that's too random and inconclusive to be compelling , but which hoffman's brilliance almost makes worth taking .
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the movie bounces all over the map .
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but buying into sham truths and routine " indie " filmmaking , freundlich has made just another safe movie . it's not horrible , just horribly mediocre .
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not always too whimsical for its own good ( but enough to do harm ) , this strange hybrid of crime thriller , quirky character study , third-rate romance and female empowerment fantasy never really finds the tonal or thematic glue it needs .
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" juwanna mann ? " no thanks . wewannour money back , actually .
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it's a sometimes interesting remake that doesn't compare to the brilliant original .
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you're too conscious of the effort it takes to be this spontaneous .
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. . . salaciously simplistic .
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feel bad for king , who's honestly trying , and schwartzman , who's shot himself in the foot .
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some actors steal scenes . tom green just gives them a bad odor . this self-infatuated goofball is far from the only thing wrong with the clumsy comedy stealing harvard , but he's the most obvious one .
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sometimes , fond memories should stay in the past : a lesson this film teaches all too well .
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the enormous comic potential of an oafish idiot impersonating an aristocrat remains sadly unrealized .
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shallow .
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begins as a promising meditation on one of america's most durable obsessions but winds up as a slender cinematic stunt .
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a monster combat thriller as impersonal in its relentlessness as the videogame series that inspired it .
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proof that a thriller can be sleekly shot , expertly cast , paced with crisp professionalism . . . and still be a letdown if its twists and turns hold no more surprise than yesterday's weather report .
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the reason we keep seeing the same movie with roughly the same people every year is because so many of us keep going and then , out of embarrassment or stupidity , not warning anyone .
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there's not much going on in this movie unless you simply decide to buy into the notion that something inexplicably strange once happened in point pleasant .
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in the second half of the film , frei's control loosens in direct proportion to the amount of screen time he gives nachtwey for self-analysis .
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director barry skolnick and his screenwriters glibly tick off every point of " the longest yard " playbook like a checklist .
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the furious coherence that [deniro] brings to this part only underscores the fuzzy sentimentality of the movie itself , which feels , as it plods toward the end , less like a movie than like the filmed reading of a script in need of polishing .
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oh , it's extreme , all right . extremely dumb . extremely confusing . extremely boring .
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we never really feel involved with the story , as all of its ideas remain just that : abstract ideas .
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for a shoot-'em-up , ballistic is oddly lifeless .
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