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Jim Manske's insight: |
This confirms my direct experience...my expectations matter! Furthermore, my happiness can be enhance when I am willing to reveal my expectations in a vulnerable way AND empathize with the unexpressed expectations of others! |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
Jews and Arabs Refuse to Be Enemies: A Compassionate Response to War - ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, PH.D. |
Jews and Arabs Refuse to Be Enemies: A Compassionate Response to War - ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, PH.D. | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” |
At some point in our development we learn to see others through a lens of fear and hate. Because the brain is so malleable in our younger years these beliefs become that much more ingrained and as we grow older the skew of our lens becomes hardened. When it comes to the Middle East, it seems there is a collective lens that’s been hardened through history that Arabs and Jews have an irreconcilable relationship. |
There seems to be a social construction of hopelessness that we’re all entranced in. But if hate and ignorance are learned, is it possible they can be unlearned? |
The reality is nobody has “the answer” to this conflict and the historical trauma on both sides runs deep. When safety feels threatened, as is a continual reality there, it’s a natural survival reaction to close down the mind and heart in order to protect against vulnerability and default to a fight or flight response. If someone was shooting arrows at you, you’d put up your shield and either run or eventually shoot back. At the same time, I know there are many people on both sides, if not the majority, that see the common humanity between each other, want deeply to feel safe and protected, and long to live in peace. |
From thoughts come actions and from actions comes consequences. |
Read through the intentions below in the following “Compassionate Peace Practice.” |
Set your judgments aside for a moment and see if you can bring them into your heart and mind when considering all those who are suffering in this war. |
A Compassionate Peace Practice (Share Generously): |
“May all those who have suffered violence and all those who have committed violence feel safe and protected from inner and outer harm (because if they did feel safe they’d be less like to commit violent acts).” |
“May all those in conflict be awakened to their common humanity.” |
“May all those in conflict be free from hatred and the delusion of separateness.” |
“May all people with hate in their hearts release this burden and learn to forgive.” |
“May we all be free from the fear that keeps us stuck in destructive cycles of conflict.” |
“May we all live in peace.” |
Almost everyone is touched by this conflict and it is often and emotionally stirring subject to even bring up. Please share your intentions, thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from. |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
Pay It Back and Pay It Forward~Glen Geher, Ph.D. |
Pay It Back and Pay It Forward~Glen Geher, Ph.D. | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
One of the single greatest advances in the evolutionary behavioral sciences in the past several decades can be described as the intellectual bursting of the “selfishness” dam. In 1976, renowned biologist, thinker, and writer, Richard Dawkins published The Selfish Gene (by Oxford University Press). This book is, essentially, a highly accessible and powerful summary of Darwin’s ideas on evolution — applied largely (but not fully) to several classes of animal behavior (such as the mating habits of the praying mantis, the murderous nature of emperor penguins, and the helpful nature of vampire bats). This book is truly awesome and you should put it near the top of your list if you have any interest in the world around you and haven’t yet read this significant work. |
One intellectual consequence of Dawkins’ provocative title was a focus on the many connotations of the term selfish. Dawkins meant this term in a very specific sense, literally meaning that a “selfish gene” is a gene that codes for qualities of an organism that increase the likelihood of survival and/or reproductive success. In short, replicating genes out-exist non-replicating (or poorly replicating) genes in the future of a species. This is really all he meant. But folks who followed his work elaborated. It made sense to many to think of an animal such as a human, then, as a primarily selfish being. After all, the reasoning goes, if genes that exist are selfish, then products of genes, such as humans, must be too. And this fallacious reasoning drove much in the way of (a) how evolutionary science has progressed since the publication of The Selfish Gene and (b) how evolution (now seen by many as espousing a “red in tooth and claw” take on our kind), has taken on something of a cold angle on what it means to be any kind of organism, including a human. |
There is good news and bad news that follow up on The Selfish Gene. The bad news is that this misinterpretation (or overly applied extension) of Darwin’s metaphor has not helped work in the evolutionary sciences with PR issues. People from the outside looking in often think, “Oh, that evolution stuff, isn’t that the stuff that says we are animals and that we all want to kill each other for our own selfish gain?” Not so pleasant a portrait. I can see why someone might not like that! |
The good news follows: An amazing thing about this field in the past several decades has been the landslide of research that sheds light on the positives of human nature from an evolutionary perspective (SeeGeher, 2014). We can almost think of this as the dawn of a potential field we could call Positive Evolutionary Psychology (yup, PEP!). Here are just a few directions that the science in evolutionary psychology has taken which paints humans as loving, helpful, and self-sacrificing: |
1. Paying It Back: Or giving back to others who have given to you in some important way, is hugely significant from the perspective of evolutionary psychology. Trivers’ (1971) landmark work on the topic of reciprocal altruism demonstrated in relatively long-lived species such as our own, the tendency for altruism among-non kin may evolve, such as people helping others, even strangers. Sometimes this kind of help is “paying it back,” or reciprocating altruistic acts that have come to new altruists in a small-social community. Not paying back altruism is socially dangerous — in your social ecosystem, my social ecosystem, and in the social ecosystems of pre-agrarian humans all around the globe. We’ve evolved to pay it back. |
2. Paying It Forward: This is a term that’s been thrown around a lot in recent years, and I love it! It essentially says to give to others — not to reciprocate them for having helped you in the past, but to help them proactively so that they are on good footing moving forward. Maybe they will help you in the future. Maybe they will help others close to you (kin, friends, etc.), in the future. Maybe they will help the broader community in the future. Your helping them proactively sets the stage for any of these outcomes, all of which have potential to positively influence you and your kin and your social network. Paying it forward is seen positively in social communities; it helps people develop reputations as altruists or helpers or, more simply, as folks whom can be relied upon. And, without question, such a reputation is adaptive and leads to be positive outcomes (even if indirectly) for the individual who chooses to pay it forward. |
Think of joining a Big Brother, Big Sister program when you’re in your mid-20s (as I did when I was a graduate student in NH). In these kinds of programs, you find a young child (usually around 7 years old) who just needs a little boost, a little help, some older figure to lean on and talk to. For instance, when I lived in NH in the 1990s, I met regularly with 7-year-old Jacob. Great kid, dad not so much in the picture, benefited from having some kind of young adult male role model. |
We did what he wanted to do — movies, sledding, mini-golf, swimming, etc. We talked and we’ve stay in touch still. He’s now a graduate of the University of Vermont and is an ace at computers; for him, the sky is the limit. My helping him when he was young was paying it forward; and when I see how well he’s done, I’m pretty darn glad that I put my time in to get to know Jacob. |
3. Loving Selflessly: An enormous body of work on the evolutionary psychology of love that has recently come out (e.g., Fisher, 1993) has demonstrated how strong our love for another can be. And this kind of love can be selfless. Further, this kind of love is an important part of our evolutionary heritage. |
Human offspring are altricial (helpless), and acquiring help from multiple adults (think monogamous pair of adults) is hugely beneficial to successful development. And when the adults in that pair are fully aligned in their vision of family, which benefits from them being truly in love with one another, parenting will thrive. Love, an inherently selfless act, is a foundational part of the human evolutionary story. |
Did Dawkin’s juggernaut of a term, Selfish Gene, imply that all features of all organisms are selfish in the colloquial sense? Absolutely not. He simply meant that qualities of organisms that lead to gene replication are likely, mathematically, to out-exist qualities that do not facilitate such replication. In complex, socially oriented, and long-lived critters like us, it’s very often the case that selfless, other-oriented behaviors (such as paying it back, paying it forward, or loving another in a selfless manner) are exactly the highly evolved things that make us human and these are the qualities we share with humans in all corners of the globe. |
To some extent, selfish genes have, in the case of humans, created altruistic apes who focus largely on what they can do to help others and to build strong and positive communities. This sounds a little like positive evolutionary psychology* to me! |
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Rescooped by Jim Manske from Empathy and Compassion |
Three Ways Leaders Can Listen with More Empathy |
Three Ways Leaders Can Listen with More Empathy | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
Study after study has shown that listening is critical to leadership effectiveness. So, why are so few leaders good at it? |
Too often, leaders seek to take command, |
direct conversations, talk too much, or worry |
about what they will say next in defense |
or rebuttal. |
The ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets a leader apart. Hearing words is not adequate; the leader truly needs to work at understanding the position and perspective of the others involved in the conversation. |
In a recent interview, Paul Bennett, Chief Creative Officer at IDEO, advises leaders to listen more and ask the right question. Bennett shared that “for most of my twenties I assumed that the world was more interested in me than I was in it, so I spent most of my time talking, usually in a quite uninformed way, about whatever I thought, rushing to be clever, thinking about what I was going to say to someone rather than listening to what they were saying to me.” |
by John Coleman |
Via Edwin Rutsch |
Chris Brown's curator insight, July 16, 3:38 PM |
A nice article that discusses three behaviors in empathic listening. Each of these are areas that we should focus on to improve our connection through communications. |
Recognize verbal and non-verbal cues. |
Process what you hear/see |
Respond thoughtfully |
Be sure to link to the article for more in depth information. Well worth the time to read. |
donhornsby's curator insight, July 16, 6:12 PM |
(From the article): Overall, it is important for leaders to recognize the multidimensionality of empathetic listening and engage in all forms of behaviors. Among its benefits, empathic listening builds trust and respect, enables people to reveal their emotions–including tensions, facilitates openness of information sharing, and creates an environment that encourages collaborative problem-solving. |
Deborah Orlowski, Ph.D.'s curator insight, July 17, 12:11 PM |
Coleman suggests 3 simple ways anyone can be a more effective listener. They seem self-evident but I wonder how often we actually do them? Why not try them for yourself. If you think you're already practicing them, check yourself to make sure you really are, not just thinking you are! |
Scooped by Jim Manske |
Compassion is painful. That’s how you know it’s working. | The Bloggess |
Compassion is painful. That’s how you know it’s working. | The Bloggess | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
I’m sad about last night for a lot of reasons. And if you are human, and allow yourself to be so, then you probably are too. Maybe it’s the verdict that upset you, or the destruction afterwards, or the long and difficult path that has led us here and has shown us we have so much further to go before we get to the place where we want to be…a place where kindness and compassion and vulnerability are the things which can be lauded and seen and encouraged and felt. Or maybe, like me, you’re upset about all of those things and you feel too defeated to want to care anymore. |
But if you’re like me, you can’t switch those emotions off. It’s so much easier to turn those feelings of vulnerability and hurt into a shield of rage. Rage feels powerful and strong. It feels good. And rage isimportant. But not at the cost of compassion. If, like me, today you woke up weary and wanting to become numb, or turn away, or lash out angrily at everyone involved then I feel you. But I encourage you to keep compassion at the forefront. Remember humanity. Remember that your words and actions make a difference. Remember that the majority of us are so much better than the worse things we see in the news, and that so many of us are leading a quiet revolution to be kind, and compassionate, and to listen to the hurt, and amplify the things that will make a positive difference in our world. It’s a quiet revolution that will never be covered on CNN. It’s a movement of people who redirect anger to kindness. Who listen even when it’s painful. Who take the hurt of others on ourselves and feel it so that we can become better people. Who wade into horrible online threads and inject compassion and reason because we know that it can become contagious if done the right way. Who hope that reason and empathy will somehow lead to a place which is safer for our children and grandchildren. |
Jim Manske's insight: |
May we all listen and respond to the alarm bells ringing. May we all wake up and treat each other as one. |
As Marshall reminded us, "Independence is an illusion." |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
German village plays prank on neo-Nazis |
German village plays prank on neo-Nazis | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
News, World News: Residents of Wunsiedel, where Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess is buried, are tired of yearly invasion of neo Nazis to their village, so they decide neo-Nazis can march for a good cause. |
Jim Manske's insight: |
Sounds like stealthy social change. ;) |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
Is It Possible to Parent Without Threats or Coercion? |
Is It Possible to Parent Without Threats or Coercion? | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
Filmmaker Ana Joanes talks about her new film, Taking Our Places |
Jim Manske's insight: |
Yay! Celebrating some global coverage of NVC-based parenting! Looking forward to reconnecting with the parents of Maui on Tuesday, November 11 at 6 pm at Kalama School! |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
Scientists Mapped 8,000 Galaxies Surrounding Us And Found *This* Amazing Discovery |
Jim Manske's insight: |
I am happy to share a common address (Laniakea) with you! |
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Scooped by Jim Manske |
People’s Suprising Empathy With The Pain of Their Enemies — PsyBlog |
People’s Suprising Empathy With The Pain of Their Enemies — PsyBlog | Radical Compassion | Scoop.it |
The part of the brain that is involved in empathising with the pain of others is more highly activated by seeing the suffering of hateful people than those we like, a recent study finds. |
While we might imagine we would empathise more with the suffering of those we like, we may focus on the hateful person’s pain because we need to monitor our enemies carefully. |
Dr. Lisa Aziz-Zadeh, who led the study, said: |
“When you watch an action movie and the bad guy appears to be defeated, the moment of his demise draws our focus intensely. |
We watch him closely to see whether he’s really down for the count, because it’s critical for predicting his potential for retribution in the future.” |
The brain imaging study examined how the brain’s ‘pain matrix’ reacts to seeing people’s suffering (Fox et al., 2013). |
The ‘pain matrix’ refers to a network of structures in the brain — including the insula cortex and the anterior cingulate — which activate when we see another person suffer. |
It is thought that the pain matrix relates to how we empathise with others. |
For the study, the researchers specifically chose Jewish participants and showed them videos of anti-Semitic individuals in pain, as well as videos of non-racist, more likeable individuals in pain. |
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