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No stars .
The third sequel in the Texas Chainsaw series is now more famous for starring Matthew McConaughey and Renée Zellweger , neither of whom , at the time the film was made , knew better than to accept such trashy roles . The film begins by asking us to care about a group of teens who leave their prom due to a couple having...
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Jesus with fangs .
This stupid , stupid religious horror film starts out with an arbitrary premise and goes precipitously downhill from there . Evidently there is some sort of demon that has been held captive for thousands of years , and for some unexplained reason it is set loose every thousand years . To stretch its legs , I suppose . ...
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Unbelievably bad ?
I had never heard of Dead Man's Bounty when I saw it at the DVD store a few weeks ago , and I thought I had stumbled upon an unrecognized gem , since it had Val Kilmer in it in a truly unique role . Sadly , it wasn't more than ten or fifteen minutes into the movie that I realized that this is a disaster of epic proport...
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You might enjoy this if you enjoy garbage television and have never seen a Japanese game show .
I think the title " I Survived an Idiotic Americanized Version of a Japanese Game Show " might be more appropriate . I had high hopes for this show , having recently been enjoying several episodes of one of my favorite game shows of all time , Most Extreme Challenge . Sadly , this is stupid , stupid American television...
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Wait ! I think I hear someone ! I better go play the piano ?
The above is not a direct quote , but a quote of the action . At one point , one of the girls is home alone , talking on the phone , and tells the person on the phone that she has to go because she thinks she hears someone . She hangs up the phone and walks immediately over to the piano and starts playing . Now , I nor...
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Ruggero Deodato has truly achieved a milestone new level of depravity and meaningless violence ?
What you have in Cannibal Holocaust is a story about a group of people from NYU that go to document a culture of cannibals and never come back . Not that the story matters . Having watched I think three cannibal movies now ( this is three more than the average healthy adult's lifetime recommended dosage ) , it has beco...
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I normally reserve my votes of for those extremely few films that are absolutely incomprehensible . I made an exception for this disaster .
Doesn't it seem like just days ago that we were flogged with the FIRST Scary Movie ? What a pile of crap this movie was . There's just no other way to describe it . I hated the original , for obvious reasons , so I was shocked that this ridiculous sequel managed to sneak beneath the abysmal level to which the original ...
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Worse than every single one of the two other cannibal movies that I have ever seen .
One IMDb reviewer calls Eaten Alive a passable film for the " cannibal connoisseur . " Are there such people ? I didn't know . But if you are one of them , hey , have a ball . The rest of you might find this tripe a bit hard to swallow ( pun intended ) , even if , like me , you consider yourself a horror film connoisse...
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Yawn .
This is supposed to be one of the greatest " bad " movies ever made . I don't see anything great about it . If ' great ' means that it is appreciable that a film was made that makes a complete mockery of the cinematic medium , then yes , it was wonderful . Everything about this movie was awful . They just did every lit...
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I have not seen this movie .
If you look through my reviews , you'll notice that I've reviewed three Scary Movies , along with Epic Movie ( with which this movie deservedly shares a spot on the IMDb Bottom 100 ) not long ago , and in most of them I berate myself for being stupid enough to waste my time watching them . This is the first time I've e...
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Liberate tute me , es en ferris .
Now , if my repeated viewings of Event Horizon have taught me correctly , the above statement , translated from Latin , means " Save yourself from Hell . " By " Hell , " of course , I mean the horrendous experience of watching this unbelievably bad movie , and by " save yourself , " of course , I mean for GOD'S sake do...
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Total crap just like the rest of them .
Here's something revealing about Epic Movie . From a purely technical point of view , it has some truly impressive make-up and production values at many points . Some of the set designs and character re-creations from real movies are done in great detail and are actually pretty good . For this reason , the movie wins e...
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Orgy of the Dead ? Orgy of the DEAD ? ? What's dead in this movie ? NOTHING !
Except for the obvious , of course , like the acting , directing , the script , the tremendously awful set , startlingly bad editing , etc . This massively bad film is supposedly based on a novel , although there is about enough going on in the film to fill a paragraph at most . It amazes me that this mess was actually...
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Will the real Spike Lee please stand up . . .
So the anti-Bush campaign that makes up the first 45 minutes or so of the movie are pretty clear . Even the attack on Bush's anti-gay tendencies are pretty clear . What's not clear is what the movie's trying to do . Jack is a corporate employee with serious potential who finds himself unemployed because of his refusal ...
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You would think that a women in prison movie would be an automatic disaster ?
And you'd be right . Black Mama , White Mama , also known as ' Women in Chains , ' is exactly the kind of trashy and crappy b-movie that the premise suggests . Pam Grier has been thrown into a prison on a small island with a lot of other women , and this place seriously makes the summer camp where Martha Stewart is loc...
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Actual quote deemed appropriate for kids 13 and up - " Eyes are the nipples of the face ! "
There's a scene in The House Bunny where a key character inquires as to whether Shelley is , in fact , " that dumb . " One of her fellow sorority sisters immediately stands up and says , indignantly , " She's not dumb ! " This is an important scene , and my immediate assumption was that we , the audience , were meant t...
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Yawn .
Last time I saw Martin Lawrence in a movie , he was a criminal trying to be a cop , now he's a cop trying to be an old fat woman . This was an absolutely terrible film . The laughs were sparse and unconvincing , the plot was dropped into a blender and then reassembled in any random order , and the vast majority of the ...
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This movie made my brain hurt .
Okay , before I say anything else , every time an ape smiled in this movie I wanted to put a pot over my head and beat on it with a serving ladle . But no matter . The Kongs have become a family of epic grinners , you just have to deal with it . The scariest thing is that that's not even the worst part of this movie . ...
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No flash photography , please ?
After enough horrible shark attacks to fill three movies , it seems that the shark has decided it's going to go after the descendents of the man who killed its ancestors all those years ago . They were its ancestors , right ? Or is this the same shark that was killed in the older movies ? That would certainly explain w...
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# 1 Movie To Avoid This Week ( . . . and every week ) . . .
Holy crap . It's not often that a movie comes along that is so morally vacuous that it approaches a level of violent stupidity so intricately bad that it is absolutely not enjoyable on any level . But when it does happen , and it has happened with this movie , it makes my job seem incredibly difficult because I have to...
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The Rock has become a tourist attraction ? ! ?
Yeah , a long time ago it turned into a tourist attraction . Now it's a prison again . Kind of . Well , it's more like an airport mixed together with a junior high school but there are lots of guys running around wearing orange jumpsuits , so I guess in that way it's like a prison . Not really though . When Sasha , Ste...
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f .
Remember that movie Wild Wild West ? Will Smith has said that that movie is one of his biggest regrets , because it opened at # 1 even though it sucked , and he said he hated knowing that so many people were spending their money to watch a movie that wasn't good . At the time I'm writing this , Obsessed is the # 1 movi...
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The first time in my life I've ever consciously missed Bobcat Goldthwaite ?
Ah , so here we are . Rock bottom . The Police Academy series has been through a lot of ups and downs over the years . They seem to have been hugely popular during their times of release , and really , if you look at the numbers , it's not hard to see why such a prodigious stream of sequels was made . The first movie w...
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There can't be much debate about why Kenneth Anger never became a famous filmmaker .
Granted , Fireworks is not the kind of movie that is going to lead to a very promising filmmaking career . In fact , it's more likely to END a promising filmmaking career than anything else . It is a perversely brutal depiction of the attack and rape of a young man , played by Anger himself , but you have to take Anger...
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Wow , this is incredibly bad .
Knowing that several of the actors in this movie have turned in remarkable roles in other films and television shows , I have come to suspect that the massive performance deficiencies displayed in this film are the result of what appears to be nonexistent direction . When I look at the performances given here , I can o...
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A terrible forgery of Duel , one of Steven Spielberg's earliest films .
Wheels of Terror is exactly what it sounds like . A cheesy after school thriller special that is meant to be laughed at . At least I HOPE it's meant to be laughed at . You have a scary looking car that seems to be terrorizing kids at their school , so one of the staff members decides that , instead of calling the polic...
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When is this over ? !
How long was this movie ? 10 hours ? 12 hours ? That's what it felt like . What a terrible waste of time this was . First of all , this was an obvious and awful attempt to rekindle some of the inexplicable American Pie hype with Jason Biggs and Mena Suvari . Suvari knows how to act , as she proved in American Beauty , ...
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Unfortunately , the Internet Movie Database only allows 1 , 000 words , which is not nearly enough to sufficiently communicate how horrible this movie is .
The drawback of watching the huge amount of movies that I watch is that you find yourself watching the same previews over and over again . I saw the preview for Coyote Ugly so many times that I was sick and tired of the movie before it was even released . I was unable to decipher any kind of plot from the preview , and...
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There is something genuinely sad going on here . . . .
I am a big believer that quite often the supplemental documentaries included with DVDs can show you some things about the movie that you didn't realize , and even turn around your entire experience about the movie . In the best cases , these little featurettes can make even bad movies a little better , but such is not ...
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Spectacularly bad .
So I was unlucky enough to catch this mess while on a 13-hour flight from Shanghai to Chicago , along with Fool's Gold and Jumper . Remind me never to fly United again . After the first hour I was ready to throw myself out of the plane somewhere over the Arctic circle . I'm not sure where exactly we were at that moment...
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This movie had so much potential , but it wound up being just another boring bad guy hero movie with cheesy special effects .
There was just too much corny tough guy stuff in this movie for it to be regarded as anything more than something to keep your eyes busy for a couple hours ( " He didn't know who he was fkin ' with " ) . Way to go Vin , you sure showed that alien who is boss . But who cares ? The special effects in this movie were a te...
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Maybe I'm too old , maybe I'm not old enough . Maybe I just can't dig it , baby . I can't get down with the funk .
Whatever the case , Sweet Sweetback's Baad Assssssss Song came off to me as a vibrant exercise in bad taste , bad acting , a barely discernible plot , VERY bad editing , and lots of stupid , stupid white people . The opening feeding scene , the one with the whole crowd of women inexplicably overflowing with lust from w...
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Yes , that's exactly right . VERY wrong turn .
I am referring , of course , to the script , not necessarily to any choices the characters on screen made , although it would apply in that case as well . Wrong Turn is the latest in the ongoing stream of abysmal teen horror films cranked out by Hollywood since the mid-90s or so . The odd thing is that they chose to fo...
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Why Cheap Political Statements and Movies Don't Mix ?
Road of No Return is notable more than anything else for having signs of a great cast despite a pathetically awful script . The movie poster has some promise , with Michael Madsen and David Carradine posing opposite each other in a picture that seems to promise a gritty and powerful action drama , but such is not to be...
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The worst one yet .
Contains Spoilers ! The movie starts out with a nightmare that Tommy Jarvis is having . You remember Tommy , played by Corey Feldman in Part 4 , evidently he's grown up to a fabulous future as a mental patient . Thankfully , this was a dream , since it features two nutcases whooping and hollering as they dig Jason out ...
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If you need a good nap , check out The Rocker .
I think we've all been spoiled by good music movies , like Almost Famous ( which , incidentally , Rainn Wilson was actually in ) and School of Rock , or at least funny ones , if not necessarily good , like Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny . From the trailer you can quickly gather that The Rocker is not a serious mov...
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Zzzzzzzzz ?
The story of In the Year 2889 is your standard bad b-movie plot about the end of the world , except there is not a single thing done to make the world look futuristic . I would grant that they managed to pull off a thick , muggy version of the early 70s , so I guess they achieved a few years of a futuristic look , but ...
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All the gross-out warnings that I heard before watching Scary Movie gave me very high hopes about the movie . Maybe some put-to-sleep warnings would have been more accurate .
I saw Scary Movie expecting to see some better gross-out jokes than in both There's Something About Mary and American Pie . After seeing the preview , I expected that I was going to leave the theater holding my sides , and with my cheeks aching from laughing so hard . What I got was an hour and a half of the exact same...
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This film has no scope . It can really only be enjoyed by hardcore science fiction fans .
The previews made this movie look so good ! I guess most previews do , but Battlefield Earth was particularly disappointing . Most of the special effects and camera-work were fairly effective , and the character make-up was also very well-done , except for the tired concept of colored contact lenses . Those were gettin...
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What a joke .
The reviews of Heroes on the IMDb make perfect sense . Reviews written at the beginning of season 1 are absolutely glowing , people couldn't stop talking about how great the show was . Then as the season dragged on , the truth started to come out . You begin to notice that everyone has these super-powers but are all re...
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April 2004 - American casualties at their highest since the war officially ENDED .
This shocking statement ( shocking because now , four years later , the war is still clearly not over ) promisingly begins what turns out to be an astonishingly bad film about the ongoing Iraq war . I am always wary when I read extreme reviews of movies on the IMDb ( This is the best movie ever made , This is the worst...
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Since it is such the polar opposite of enlightening , I wish I could at least call it interesting .
I had heard so much about A Day Without A Mexican before its release , but I never got a chance to watch it in the theaters . Now that I've seen it on video , I get an idea of why it was gone from theaters so fast . They took a great idea and went nowhere with it . In fact , the movie is so unambitious that in retrospe...
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Well , at least they were nice enough to point out on the back of the cover box , by name , the very movies that Stranded shamelessly rips off .
The summary on the back of the movie box contains a sentence that says something like , ' a group of astronauts on a mission to mars get stranded on the red planet ? ' I can't remember what it was that made me rent this movie , but I got pretty much what I expected . Stranded displays a collection of actors famous from...
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This movie is so bad it's almost weird .
I recently read Bruce Campbell's highly entertaining and informative first book , If Chins Could Kill , which served to instill within me a heightened interest in seeing his more obscure roles over the years , other than his role as Ash in the Evil Dead films , some of my favorite horror films of all time ( as well as ...
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Another in a long line of inexplicably successful teen slasher movies that would fall flat if people would realize what they were watching .
I have to admit that I enjoyed this movie when I first saw it . I got a lot of good thrills out of it and basically just had a good time . However , when I watched it on video , the larger than life quality was entirely removed and I noticed a lot of things that hadn't occurred to me when I saw it in the theater . The ...
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Eventually proves to be a slightly interesting story , but it is ridiculously presented in every respect .
If you can manage to sit through the first 60 to 70 minutes of this movie without turning it off in disgust , you will be presented with something that vaguely resembles an interesting story . However , despite the fact that Nightfall eventually begins to almost start to kind of possibly redeem itself a little tiny bit...
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Wow .
Very rarely do you seriously come across a movie with no redeeming values whatsoever . I mean , there are tons of movies these days that are so bad that you say something like that about them , but it's a rare occurrence when you can apply that statement literally . Neon Maniacs is the story of a lot of creepy monsters...
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Bruiser's Bill ? Are you kidding me ? ! ?
Legally Blonde started out as a half-way clever attempt at putting the super-serious law profession in perspective by suggesting that even the most cartoonish bimbo could get in , literally on looks alone ( along with the help of a significant amount of sheer , morbid curiosity on the part of the overwhelmingly male ad...
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See the spectacular Poseidon do a spectacular belly flop .
Now , neither The Poseidon Adventure from 1972 nor Wolfgang's Peterson's 2006 version had any understanding of the physics of a large ocean liner sinking , but this version takes that lack of knowledge and places it under a microscope , seemingly in order to obliterate any sense of logic or physical understanding of ou...
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Don't watch it ! It's a trick ! !
In the first Film Studies class I ever took back in 1998 , one of the first lessons that the instructor gave us was that , when composing film criticism , one of the worst things you could ever do was try to impose meaning onto material that doesn't have it . Evidently this is something that young film students did whe...
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Feature length educational video with atrocious production values .
Now , when I say that this is an educational video , I mean that it resembles those god-awful videos that they make kids watch in sex education or in the classroom portion of driver's training , where everything is packaged and contrived in order to illustrate a specific point . Nobody cares if you signal 100 feet or 1...
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If you can't say anything nice , write a lot of books about it .
I'll tell you my problem with Ann Coulter . It's not so much that she disagrees politically with me or even that she condemns so many things that I believe in or just the way I see the world , it is that she cannot disagree with people like me in a civil way . So much of her platform is about how liberals are so childi...
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AAAAHHHH no frickin ' way ! ! !
Just in case you missed it in the last movie , the Austin Powers series has completely fallen off a cliff . The third installment in the Austin Powers series accomplishes little more than proving that the first sequel was not the full depth to which the series planned on sinking . The second movie fed completely off of...
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A relatively good science fiction movie , but of a different sort
Galaxy Quest is a film which is sure to be appreciated most by hard-core science fiction fans . I think that the overall meaning is likely to be overlooked by people who are not familiar with the likes of William Shatner and Leonard Nemoy . In many ways it was a spoof of serious science fiction films , namely the Star ...
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Yeah exactly . Not another one .
Not Another Teen Movie tricks you into thinking you're going to get a movie that makes fun of those idiotic teen movies because of it's title and because it's a spoof of them , but all it is is another teen movie , just like it calls itself , but at least it has the sense to make fun of itself . It's a spoof film about...
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Yes . VERY bad .
First of all , I am a HUGE fan of Billy Bob Thornton . He is without a doubt one of my favorite actors working today , but with Bad Santa he illustrates , unfortunately , that even he is capable of providing a wonderful performance in an awful , awful movie . The abysmal script for Bad Santa calls for a relentlessly un...
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Communism is a disease . It can destroy the world !
Powerful words for me to hear , having bought and watched this movie here in China . . . It is unusually interesting to read the reviews of professional film critics about Bernardo Bertolucci's wildly ambitious " 1900 , " which in my opinion stumbles in no small part because it resembles too much some of Bertolucci's o...
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I'm starting to wonder about movies like this .
Movies big enough for wide theatrical release are made by professionals . Whatever their motives in making movies , be it purely for financial gain as in the case of Jerry Bruckheimer or for artistic value as always in the case of directors of less popular films but far superior films like Christopher Nolan of Memento ...
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Note to everyone who saw this movie ( yeah you too , Mr . Rodriguez ) ? there is more to Mexico and Mexicans than blood , crime , murder , suffering , and death . Just so you know .
Once upon a time in Mexico , there was born a person named Robert Rodriguez , who later moved to the United States and began making movies . He became famous for making an ultra-low budget but high profit cult classic , which he later followed with a fairly higher-budget , fairly less relative profit , fairly less qual...
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Better than Titanic !
What's up with all these high schools in the movies having these insane senior trips ? The kids in Final Destination flew to Europe , and these kids go on a freaking cruise ? I went to Magic Mountain for my senior trip ! Oh , well , I guess the payback is that in the movies they all get killed . Magic Mountain sounds a...
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Dee Snider seems to be desperately trying to hold onto the weird persona that he developed as the singer for Twisted Sister .
Strangeland is a terrible horror / technological thriller . Dee Snider plays Carleton Hendricks , a disgusting computer freak who prays on young girls through the chat rooms . His ridiculous philosophies on pain and suffering are both misguided and totally unfounded . There is no tie to reality with the ideas that are ...
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Just bad .
Rat Race is structured as a series of bad and tasteless jokes strung together by a flimsy clothesline of a plot dealing with a race of a bunch of random people trying to reach the same destination in order to obtain a huge stash of money that may or may not even really be there . Rat Race is disappointing from the very...
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Hollywire's Film Critic Suffers Terribly Through Intolerably Sappy Musical ? ' Mamma Mia ' Review ?
It was a very unique and specific kind of torture for me to sit through Mamma Mia , one of the most unendurable pieces of cinematic confection that I can remember ever having experienced ever since I was about ten years old and my mother used to punish my brother and I by making us watch Peggy Sue Got Married . I haven...
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Just looking around the plane was more interesting ?
Recently I have been studying a lot about ancient Chinese history , particularly their astonishing oceanic achievements in the early 15th century , when their great ocean fleets sailed around the world's ocean's and charted the entire planet decades and centuries before the great European explorers . In doing that they...
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Stephen King and George Romero team up to make a spectacular cinematic horror event , and instead they come up with this .
Although very faithful to the comic book series from which it was adapted , Creepshow delivers five mediocre stories of goofy horror . All five of these stories are transferred from the comic book to the screen virtually scene for scene , but the end result is nothing more than disappointing . If you were ever wonderin...
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Wesley Snipes returns to let the world know that Demolition Man was not the last ridiculously awful movie that he planned to make in his career , which seems to be headed precipitously downhill .
There's nothing worse that a well-known film actor or actress can do than star in a film where they deliberately and obviously alter their voice . Wesley Snipes not only does this ( terribly ) in Blade , but he also wears false teeth and BROWN colored contact lenses . Are his eyes just not the right shade of brown ? Th...
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Another movie about the lunatics that populate the Texas countryside ?
Exit Speed opens with a female AWOL Army soldier being caught up with by Sergeant Archie Sparks ( an underused Fred Ward , star of Tremors , one of my favorite b - movies ever ) , whose job it is to go after errant soldiers . It seems that this particular soldier , Meredith Cole , has a history of going AWOL , and that...
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Okay , but why the title ? Because " The Orphanage " was already taken ?
A few years ago I saw a movie called Madhouse that was pretty good . Not as good as another similar one called Session 9 , but still a fairly entertaining horror thriller about a mental institution . I expected something of the same with The Sickhouse , but I suppose it is meant to describe an orphanage from the late 1...
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Hey , at least it wasn't WORSE than the first one .
American Pie 2 starts off its rehash of the first film with the ever-present trailer gag . The trailer gag , of course , is one of the many gags that was played and played and replayed in the film's trailer ( s ) and is therefore completely without effect when seen in the theaters . The barrage of teen sex films / thri...
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Interesting for the animation and almost nothing else .
Now , I have no idea how the animation was done in this movie , but the effect is so realistic that I have a feeling that it was filmed live and then an effect was layered onto the footage either while filming or during post production . At any rate , the effect gives the movie and entirely unique look that has never b...
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A different villain may very well have made this worth making .
Darkman II is yet another example of how easy it is for a sequel to completely miss the mark , even when following up such a great comic book action movie . Darkman II starts out with the ludicrous request that we all believe Durant could have survived that massive helicopter crash at the end of the first film . Incred...
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Have a book handy ?
I bought a collection of movies somewhere in China , and otherwise may never have bothered with Fur , which seems to have been included for no real reason . It's another of the bizarre artsy films that Nicole Kidman seems to attach herself to , also for no discernible reason , which reminded me of the enormously bizarr...
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A little something slapped together for the DVD . . .
It's extremely rare that you will see any of these supplemental documentaries that are really anything other than short films where the main cast and crew get on camera and talk about how everyone was the greatest people that any of them ever met and they were like a family and they felt like they knew each other for t...
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Ah , the evolution of the movie monster ?
I admit first off that it is s surprise to me that the new Hills Have Eyes has a higher rating on the IMDb than Wes Craven's original film , a democratic oddity that I chalk up to more and more young people watching the IMDb , not only interested more in newer horror movies than older ones , but interested less in watc...
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Don't these people realize that time travel IS playing God ?
I have this undying love of movies that have anything to do with time travel , which is why I picked up this rather obscure film that I had heard of from the video store . The problem here is that the movie's intentions are too obvious . Time travel can never work , that much is a given , and it follows then that time ...
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Why the title ? Maybe all the good ones were taken ?
Anyway , the overlying problem with The Scream of the Wolf is that it hints in a certain direction and then goes exactly in that direction , rendering the entire movie a tired exercise in horror movie making which takes you where you knew all along it was going to go . The film starts with a brutal murder , and the cop...
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Mindless comedy . Not worth watching if you are looking for anything other than a cheesy and pointless story about a man's extremely unlikely bad luck .
Jamie Foxx comes forth with another dumbass comedy , but at least in this one he pretends that he can possibly portray a respectable person . Trapped in a tiny town full of rednecks , Michael ( Foxx ) tries to recover from his fiancee ( Nia Long , whose talent was even more wasted than it was in Big Momma's House ) lea...
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Why the hell were there so many sequels ?
Did you hear that The Amityville Horror is a horror classic ? You heard wrong . The Amityville Horror actually starts off pretty good , with a fairly well done murder scene at the famous house with eyes . However , this is probably the scene ( perfectly placed right at the beginning ) that put so many people off , part...
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Teenage crapfest . . .
I think I'm starting to lose my taste for horror movies . For about the last ten years , horror has been a favorite genre for me , especially the old 80s slasher movies . I even enjoyed watching the bad ones , because it is so entertaining to see what kinds of new and interesting ways they come up with for killing prom...
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I'm completely cured ! If I wasn't they wouldn't have let me out !
So Angela has grown up and gotten therapy and an operation to turn her into a real life daughter , rather than the son that she was born , and now holds a job as - wait for it - a camp counselor ! How appropriate , right ? I know , I love it . Anyway , the first sequel to the Sleepaway Camp franchise obeys all the rule...
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Dog will hunt !
Disclaimer : Do NOT try to remove your hemorrhoids with a chainsaw . It will NOT save you a trip to the hospital . ( spoilers ) OK , let me tell you why the Texas Chainsaw sequels don't work . The original film is slightly exempt from this , but when you have someone who is screaming and wiggling so much that you wish ...
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Seemingly air-headed romantic comedy eventually reveals itself to be wiser than its years .
I say eventually because it takes about three quarters of the film before it appears to have a thought in its head , and even then it's not by much and only briefly . My problem with the movie is that for the vast majority of it , Doris Day's character Jenny is the typical stupid blonde , cheerfully grinning like a mor...
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Ladies and gentlemen , I kid you not , they added a DUCK .
The addition of a duck to the journey to the center of the earth simply has to go down as one of the dumbest creative ideas that has ever made it to the big screen . I must say that I had high hopes for this version of Jules Verne's story , because the older versions , in my experience , tend to have healthier respect ...
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Could have been good until the studio destroyed it . . .
My first reaction to Babylon A . D . was that it's not nearly as bad as its own director , Matthieu Kassovitz , has been claiming it is , although that reaction came to me before I got to the end of the movie . The movie has a cool set-up and a few good action sequences , although they suffer from that all too modern s...
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Babe . . . Babe ? BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE ! ! ! ! ! !
Ah , nothing . Just like I thought . Let's face it , Pamela Anderson can NOT act . Barb Wire is so obviously nothing other than an excuse to get the most famous blonde on the planet into a bunch of chesty outfits and occasionally not even that much that that fact alone provides much of the film's comic relief . This mo...
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The original film was pretty weak , and this one is a bad remake of it ?
You will know almost immediately that this movie is going to be a flop , because it opens with a trendy rock song , and anytime a horror film starts off with a KROQ song you know you're in trouble . The original film was John Carpenter's first film after Halloween and a couple of television projects , and had to have b...
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Why did they have to change the music ? It was already perfect !
I guess I can understand , you have the first sequel to one of the most successful horror movies ever made , maybe using the same music would have come off as trying too hard to cash in on the success of the original . This is , on the other hand , a sequel , and an inherent quality of any sequel is cashing in on the s...
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Wow .
Okay , so I'm not a big video game buff , but was the game House of the Dead really famous enough to make a movie from ? Sure , they went as far as to actually put in quick video game clips throughout the movie , as though justifying any particular scene of violence , but there are dozens and dozens of games that look ...
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Doesn't even live up to the awful standards of the original .
? Gator Bait 2 picks up ten years after part one left off , and the little boy from the original movie has grown up and is marrying a girl from the city named Angelique . The wedding is a particularly amusing part of the film , because not only do the bride and groom inexplicably wear dollar bills on their outfits , bu...
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Taking this stuff seriously anymore , George Lucas isn't . . .
Okay , so Star Wars is now officially a kid's movie . George Lucas ' newest cash-in on the Star Wars saga is a wholly unnecessary cartoon which caters to a much younger audience , but one that will find the majority of the story entirely incomprehensible . The Star Wars films made a sharp turn to the digital realm star...
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And Species hits direct to video quality ?
Many would argue that with part II the Species films had already reached a sufficiently abysmal quality level as to deserve to go straight to video . There was , however , too much money spent on the first sequel and too much interest in the series still left over from the 1st film for this to be an option , but with p...
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Terrible fun !
I have read that Van Damme has since admitted to being embarrassed by Derailed , which I can understand but at the same time I find to be a little sad . True , the movie is something of a disaster , but I wish people would have a bit of an open mind about movies like this . The movie is almost cartoonishly bad , so I r...
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One of the weakest action thrillers I've seen in years .
Rising Sun is an exercise in bad screenwriting . It presents a story about big bad Japanese businessmen / gangsters and the crooked sale of a massive corporation called Microcon . The movie starts off with a goofball karaoke scene where Eddie Sakamura , the lead bad guy in another absolutely awful performance by Cary-H...
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Bigger , gorier , louder , faster ? and worse .
The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre , which is something of a remake but not in the same vein as simply colorizing the film , as they foolishly did with Psycho in 1998 , is another look into how audiences have changed since the early 1970s . The original Texas Chainsaw film was an instant success because so many people imm...
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Most overrated TV show since ? ah ? I don't know . Maybe ever .
When I first heard of " Prison Break , " I was a little apprehensive because I didn't understand how they could stretch out an escape from prison into a fully developed television series . Then I watched it and I was blown away completely . It is very easy , on the other hand , to understand how they could fill a telev...
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When did this movie take place again ?
Okay , I'm not going to waste your time blabbering on and on about twelve-story ocean liners being made in the 19th Century , because I don't think it's something that needs to be pointed out . We all know that suggesting the existence of a cruise liner like that in 1899 is absolutely ridiculous , although it speaks vo...
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Yes , they're still making them .
Saw 4 opens with John , the Jigsaw killer , dead on a coroner's worktable . As soon as the movie started , I saw a man about to perform an autopsy on the first movie , hoping that somewhere within its lifeless corpse he might find something , anything , with which to fill up another movie . And can you guess it ? He fo...
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Wait a minute , you're not a doctor - - !
So Seagal is Jonathan Cold , a high-level ex-CIA agent who is now a " freelance operative , " which sounds like nothing more than a title invented for cheesy action movies for a hero who takes matters into his own hands . " Operative " literally means secret agent , and freelance basically means someone who works for t...
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I don't know if it is the single worst of the series , but it's down there ?
Friday the 13th Part VII starts off with a quick summary montage of the last few films , in case you've forgotten anything . It's always good to make sure you're up to speed . I actually appreciate it when sequels do that , to some extent , especially when there is such a long line of films that came previously . In th...
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David Spade gets a beautiful French girl to fall in love with him . It seems that none of the filmmakers really stopped to think about that part .
David Spade is a very funny man , but his brand of comedy gets real old real quick . He admittedly relies largely on his weaknesses to be funny . You know , the sarcasm , the blow-dried hair , the all-around geekiness . Unfortunately , it seems that he never really tried to develop his acting skills . I have laughed my...