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The Exorcism of Casey Beldon . . .
January is not such a good time for movies . The holiday season is over people are getting back to work and school and their normal lives , and the movie studios seem to take this opportunity to unload all their half-witted movies that probably no one is going to be interested in anyway . It seems that way every time I...
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Yeah , more like " The Nothing's Happening ? "
So the tagline for The Happening is " We've Sensed It . We've Seen The Signs . Now ? It's Happening . " We've sensed it ? Sensed what ? Seen what signs ? Yeah , we've seen " Signs , " but THE signs of some mysterious coming disaster ? Maybe this " we " in the tagline is referring to the people that live in the parallel...
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And a Wayans brother has blown yet another movie .
The original Ladykillers is one of those rare comedy classics that's not really funny anymore , like The Odd Couple . But it is smartly made and it respects itself and its audience . It's a dark comedy but it's a smart one , it has colorful characters who move through the movie in pursuit of questionable goals and suff...
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WARNING : DO NOT WATCH WHILE EATING . DO NOT EVEN WATCH IF YOU HAVE EATEN IN THE LAST SIX TO EIGHT HOURS . IN FACT , TAKE SOME TUMS IN ADVANCE .
ExistenZ is an exercise in bad taste combined with a reasonable budget , which was acquired despite an almost total absence of any sort of interesting story . Actually , before I go that far I should say that the story is , in fact , fairly complex and operates on several levels , but it is executed so badly and downri...
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This film cannot even be taken seriously as a movie not to be taken seriously . Although it does deliver a few sparse laughs , the sheer deliberate stupidity of the acting just gets ridiculous almost immediate
Clearly , Earth Girls Are Easy is not a film that its writers meant to win any awards or tell any important message . The cartoonish appearance of the aliens and the laughable fact that they have a human appearance once their pastel fur is shaved off is a joke . This film as a whole is boring and immediately forgettabl...
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Should have been called Timewave !
I have an undying love of time travel movies , I think it's one of the single most interesting premises ever applied to motion pictures , and even here in A Sound of Thunder , I was interested for the first half an hour or so until I realized that it has absolutely no understanding of how time travel paradoxes work . O...
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Yet another failed second sequel .
It's extremely difficult to make a good " Part 3 " in any franchise , and Saw is a perfect example . The descent in quality from parts 1 and 2 to this one is so precipitous that it makes me think of the fact that , in trilogies or otherwise , good second sequels are extremely hard to come by . Back to the Future and Al...
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Steve Carell's most disastrous failure so far ?
There was something that told me that Dan in Real Life was going to be a great comedy , one of those overlooked gems that come along and don't get the recognition that they deserve until years later ( like The Big Lebowski ) . MAN was I wrong . This is a sappy , awkward , uncomfortable drama that thinks it's a comedy b...
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At least it was funny ?
An American Werewolf in London is one of the most famous and enduring werewolf films ever made , and for good reason . Now , apparently director Anthony Waller has decided to try to cash in on that film's long ago success , resulting in a slightly amusing but altogether disappointing werewolf romp . Tom Everett Scott s...
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Yoo-hoo ! Yoo-hoo !
Shirley Temple once again takes on the role of Mary Lou Rogers , co-starring with her irritating brother Sonny , who is just as contrived and unconvincing as he was in the same role in Pardon My Pups , as I imagine he is in most of the other short films that he stars in with Temple playing Mary Lou . It seems that Sonn...
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A story for the former child star in all of us !
Yeah , I don't have any former child star in me , either . A movie about a former child star who has grown into a man with a massive ego and a non-existent fan base should have been the perfect part for such a successfully sarcastic and condescending actor like David Spade , but rather than pursue a story about a man t...
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A million times better than Hostel .
Normally I wouldn't make such an obscure connection , but just a few days ago I watched Eli Roth's latest crapfest , Hostel , and am still reeling from the tremendous impact of unparalleled stupidity that made up that movie . Now , this may or may not matter , but I watched Basket Case because I somehow got it confused...
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The best " lodger " mystery since Wallace & Gromit and The Wrong Trousers !
I have an undying love of true crime movies . There is something automatically fascinating about a disturbing story of true crime when there is the added effect that it is at least loosely based on real events . It's one of the most important things that makes me love movies like Zodiac or In Cold Blood or Dog Day Afte...
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Very bad but not THAT bad .
Yes , Jaws 3 is a bad , bad movie . It's even a step down from the disastrous Jaws 2 , and yet another insult to Spielberg's original , which remains one of the most enduring thrillers ever made . But the Bottom 100 ? At the time of this writing , Jaws 3 stands at # 71 on the IMDb's list of the 100 worst movies ever ma...
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What was all that nonsense about thrills and chills around every corner ?
I read another reviewer who recommended The Glass House because of the satisfactory performance from Leelee Sobiesky despite the fact that there is little to nothing original in the movie . With all due respect , this doesn't strike me as a very relevant statement , because it's clear that Leelee Sobiesky is a massivel...
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The first submarine photoplay ever filmed !
When I read during the opening credits of the 1916 adaptation of Jules Verne's " 20 , 000 Leagues Under the Sea , " immediately I assumed the frame of mind that I always do when watching early films , so as not to criticize it's lack of special effects or advanced film techniques . Immediately I was immensely impressed...
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There's snakes out there this big ? ?
Mountain of the Cannibal God immediately strikes me as almost exactly the same thing as Last Cannibal World with a slightly bigger budget . It seems that the cannibal sub-genre is pretty limited as far as what kinds of things you can do with the story , so I kept my expectations low . Ursula Andress stars as the grievi...
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Don't let the Fredbugs bite ! HA !
WOW that was clever . So anyway , as I go back and watch all of those classic old horror films , I increasingly find myself wondering if there is ever again going to be a time when they can be scary again . Sure , today's horror films have had something of a numbing affect on modern audiences , at least as far as being...
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What an awful mess .
here was no effort put into Valentine to prevent it from being just another teenage slasher film , a sub-genre of horror films of which we have seen entirely too many over the last decade or so . I've heard a lot of people complaining that the film rips off several previous horror movies , including everything from Hal...
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Surprisingly boring , by-the-numbers sitcom ?
I saw bits and pieces of Just Shoot Me back when it was on the air so I was eager to get the dvds and check it out for real . I'm a big fan of David Spade's and I'll admit that he was the only reason I bought it , but after watching the first couple seasons I was really surprised at how flat and contrived it is . All o...
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A good example of why Stephen King rarely writes directly for the screen .
Stephen King writes such a wide variety of fiction and comes out with so many totally different movies that they seem to span almost all genres ( although it's not likely that he is going to come out with a children's movie anytime soon ) . Sleepwalkers is one of the lesser known Stephen King films , and for good reaso...
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Never fool with a fuzz ball .
The first of the more than half a dozen Police Academy sequels took a huge step downwards . It's amazing to think that so many sequels were made when the original wasn't even very good and the sequels were immediately crappy . Then again , with a tagline like " Their First Assignment , " it's impossible to think that t...
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One of the weakest films of the Stooges collective careers .
I've read a lot of reviews on the IMDb ( well , all five of the ones that have been written at the time that I'm writing this ) and I'm surprised at the amount of praise heaped upon The Brideless Groom , which is undoubtedly one of the lesser comedies performed by the Stooges . I prefer the older ones where it was Larr...
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Hey , what ever happened to that music video ?
Unless I'm sadly mistaken , I rented A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 several years ago and there was a music video , I'm pretty sure which was called Dream Warriors , at the end of it , and I rented this one on DVD hoping that the video would be there because it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen . It's amazing ...
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Manhunter is a perfect example of how easily a truly exceptional crime novel can be badly screwed up when made into a movie .
Did you read the novel " Red Dragon , " by Thomas Harris , the book on which Manhunter is based ? If not , watch the movie , you'll probably love it . However , if you have read the book , be advised that the movie will disappoint you in every way you can imagine . Red Dragon was just a great book . The story was inten...
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Boring , clichéd story that is clumsily presented in a film plagued by botched direction , awful editing , and goofy acting .
Beowulf provides a perfect example of why actors should never alter their voices in films , at in a way in which they seem to be trying to make themselves sound like toughened warriors , or at least make themselves sound like they're pissed off all the time . Christopher Lambert's first line in this film ( ' Let her go...
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An odd twist on the horror genre that doesn't really lead anywhere .
Pretty much the only interesting thing about Cabin Fever is that there really isn't a bad guy . It's a goofy teenage horror film about a lot of college kids that go out to the woods to act out all their impulses , kind of like the kids in just about every Friday the 13th film , and then they all start dying . Cabin Fev...
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The first and only Rocky spin-off ?
So I had been under the impression that the United States Military taught things like respect and honor and loyalty and determination . In Over The Top , we are introduced to the graduating class of what I imagine is something like the Junior Marines , where a trucker named Lincoln Hawk has an estranged son celebrating...
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Horrendously prophetic .
So I watched Escape From L . A . after having recently made my way through both of Bruce Campbell's books ( the latter , unfortunately , seeming to have been thrown through the publication process simply because of the cult success of his literary debut ) , and I have been half-heartedly watching all of the films that ...
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It's like Prison Break without the " break , " and taking place in a high school rather than a prison .
First of all , season 1 is intolerably bad . The prison is ridiculously unrealistic , the characters are so two dimensional they're nearly transparent , and the direction is terrible . It runs like a bad video of a junior high school play , characters wandering past the camera and uttering highly timed and rehearsed li...
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Actual quote - " Fighting is one thing . But bad jokes is where I draw the line . "
Like the last movie , Police Academy 6 starts out with Harris and Proctor on some ridiculous mission to outsmart the rest of the crew and ensure that they get all of the glory for something or other . At least this time they're not breaking and entering like they were in the last movie , but have stationed them on a st...
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Thin portrayal of 1970s racism . Mr . Ellis deserves a better movie .
It's important to keep in mind the real meaning of the phrase " Inspired by a true story " when watching Pride . It's sort of like " You could save up to 50 % , " which can quite literally be translated to " You can't save more than 50 % . " It all sounds great until you realize that the lower part of " up to " is " ze...
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The Complete Idiot's Guide to World War I .
It is hard to imagine someone making a bad film about the world's first fighter pilots , but they managed to pull it off with Flyboys . It has all of the textbook ingredients of a disastrously botched war film ? cheap special effects , moderately talented actors ( except for the wasted talents of Jean Reno , who towers...
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Is this a kid's movie ?
Dinosaur is not even a breakthrough in computer generated effects for Disney . That title is reserved for the spectacular hit Toy Story . What you have in Dinosaur is basically a re-make of The Land Before Time , with the cell animation replaced with computer generated images . The story is so unoriginal that the end r...
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Go with God and a bag full of guns ?
I bought Death Sentence because it looked to me like a genuine , well-made thriller and I've been a fan of Kevin Bacon ever since Tremors , which was one of my favorite films when I was a kid . Unfortunately , it very soon devolved into a boring , by-the-numbers revenge thriller , throwing away Bacon's talent . John Go...
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Average modern Seagal , but why did they mess the languages up so badly ?
So it's well known that the movie takes place in the actual neighborhood where Seagal grew up and studied martial arts , and also that he speaks fluent Japanese , but why have Japanese terrorists that are always speaking English ? Isn't it just a little off-putting that the American hero is constantly speaking Japanese...
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Ahh , Tom . I expected so much more from you . . .
Road Trip is unmistakably about the greatest college tradition , but there is no reason to watch it other than to see a snake latch onto Tom Green's hand with lightning speed . His subsequent scream is by far the funniest part of the entire film . As a whole , Road Trip was a bitter disappointment . It was a desperate ...
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Clunk !
I read a pretty interesting article about Twisted in the Sacramento Bee about how the film was shot entirely in San Francisco and some of the tricks that were used . One of the more interesting things that I read was that , during the scene where they found the first body in the river with the ball game in the backgrou...
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They got the spider all wrong ?
I have studied Shakespeare , so I understand the value of literature that leaves open veritably endless possibilities for individual interpretation of the original work , so normally I wouldn't say anything about an animated version of Charlotte's Web featuring a Charlotte that doesn't look anything like the one illust...
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Weak follow-up ?
As an aspiring filmmaker , I think I gradually develop more and more of a fear of my first film being a huge hit , because it places so much attention on you immediately and creates this enormous requirement for a second film of equal magnitude . Just after Halloween , John Carpenter returns with The Fog , a weak horro...
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Follows the book with meticulous detail at some points and departs wildly from it at others .
The 1987 TV version of The Secret Garden is one that follows the book and includes several things that were left out of the later 1993 version , but there are some things that are not done correctly or that are not even remotely suggested in the book and have no place at all in the movie . There is an unnecessary inclu...
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What form of lunatic is that ?
In an early attempt at a war film , Steven Spielberg , as I remember one critic describing it , has laid his first multi-million dollar egg . Which is odd because short war films are some of the first kinds of films that he started making when he was a kid . Maybe it was just a mistake to make it a comedy , because it ...
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Poor Kid Rock .
A movie like The Adventures of Joe Dirt is not the kind of movie that is going to trick you into thinking that it is something worth watching , the way movies like Armageddon try to . David Spade is almost universally associated with low thought comedies , but like Joe Dirt , these are not always all bad . Joe Dirt is ...
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Yet another sophomore effort that falls flat on it face .
Robocop 2 starts off with planet Detroit in the worst shape ever . The entire police force is on strike , which seems like an entirely too convenient start for a Robocop film , but then we see that there is actually a believable reason for them all to be on strike . Planet Detroit is so deeply in debt to the evil empir...
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Your average revenge story ?
Sin takes an average revenge story , adds in rape and pornographers , and ultimately turns into an average revenge story . At the very least , the plot thickens near the end of the movie when we realize that the bad guy ( who is a really bad guy and the movie absolutely will leave no questions about that ) turns out to...
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A movie about the sinister possibilities of the young internet .
Ghost In The Machine is one of those movies that comes out with the emergence of some new technology and how it can go wrong . Computers were still in the major developing stages in the early 1990s ( at least compared to today's standards ) , as was the Internet , and Ghost In The Machine seems to be a false start on g...
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Pinch this tiny heart of mine , wrap it in up soiled twine , you never read what you've written ?
As has become the standard for modern horror films , this sub-par House of Wax remake ( as I call it having yet to see the original ) begins with an introduction of a meaningless group of stupid college-age kids , and then promptly allows us to get to know them just enough to ensure that they are all thoroughly unlikab...
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I'm glad it wasn't called Mt . Tails ?
It is very possible that I simply didn't give the movie a fair enough chance because it was so immediately unappealing to me ( something similar happened with Triplets of Belleville ) , but I really should have caught on when I put the film on and my roommate , an exchange student from Japan , immediately started laugh...
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Nothing can be scary with such goofy looking feet .
What a snoozefest . In this disastrous sequel to the vastly superior Predator , we are left to wonder whether someone actually , in good conscience , thought it would be a clever idea to move the Predator into downtown LA , or whether it just took place closer to the movie studio because no one in their right mind woul...
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The politics of evil .
Part 1 was the original , with the deadly haunted dreams . Part 2 was the later return to the house in which the girl went insane . Part 3 was the obligatory haunted mental hospital . Part 4 comes pretty close to Part 5 , in which Freddy can kill Alice's friends , as she helplessly brings them one after another into he...
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At least someone finally found a use for all of those ridiculous cars . . .
Yes , The Fast and the Furious is exactly what the previews showed . A bunch of real charmers who race around in those ridiculous cars that you always see driving down the road , desperately trying to be cool . Here you have a gang of guys with seemingly endless financial ability to pack into these cars every kind of r...
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The Man With The Plastic Gun .
Besides being the worst James Bond film ever , The Man With The Golden Gun had by far the most disgustingly awful opening theme song of the entire series . This time around , Bond faces an unimaginative villain named Scaramanga who has a third nipple and a midget sidekick , charmingly named Nik Nak . It seems that Scar...
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It should have been so much more ?
When I say that Gunner Palace should have been more , I don't mean that it should have been a better or more in-depth look at the lives of the troops in Iraq . Indeed , it is one of the closest looks at the daily lives of the soldiers over there that we have been able to see since the war started , but Director Michael...
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A revolution in subtitle technology !
In a time when the cineplexes are heavily populated with revenge tales , Man On Fire ( which could just as easily have been titled Kill Bills or The Other Punisher or Walking Tall and Furious ) is not exactly a breath of fresh air . Denzel Washington takes on the role of a family-less drifter of a man trying to outrun ...
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Werewolves and Lycans Show No Signs of Getting Along ?
You may remember that Kate Beckinsale was featured even more prominently on the poster for Underworld 2 than she was for the original movie . Now , you might notice that the poster for the third installment in the series features Bill Nighy in full , cadaverous glory . So the reason Bill Nighy's character is not only f...
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Modern day Bonnie and Clyde and so forth .
Emelio Estevez makes his writing and directorial debut in Wisdom , the story of a guy named John Wisdom who finds himself in sort of an early life crisis , I guess . Barely entering the real world , he is coming to realize that life is harder than he has been brought up to believe , and he becomes convinced that all th...
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What a disappointment .
I forget what movie it was that I rented that had a preview for this one included on the DVD , but I saw the preview for this film and for Grand Theft Parsons , which I would otherwise not have looked twice at because Johnny Knoxville stars in it , but they both looked like pretty good movies , so I rented this one . B...
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Sample dialogue : ' You'd give all this up ? 8-track stereo , color TV in every room ? it's the American dream ! '
First you have to get over how catastrophically obsolete this film is , and then it might be enjoyable on some deep , subconscious level . Having watched it and learned that it was one of the most controversial blaxploitation films of the 70s , I am a little hesitant to write a scathing review of it , since I'm sure it...
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Mr . Deeds , in my opinion , marks a point in Adam Sandler's career where it seems that the majority of the thinking audience will , if they haven't already , begin to wonder whether Sandler will ever do anything
SPOILERS SPOILERS The new name for the character that Sandler plays in every movie is , in this case , Mr . Deeds , a small town man who learns that he is the inheritor of a massive fortune from a distant relative who is a media mogul . Deeds lives in the tiny town of Mandrake Falls , New Hampshire , where he is consta...
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Seagal vs . freaky Jamaican crackheads ?
So Seagal plays a DEA detective named John Hatcher who lost his partner on a drug investigation into , surprise surprise , Colombia ! Not to brag or anything , but my father was born and raised in Colombia ( hence my last name ) , and now he's a doctor in California , so no matter what the movies would have you believe...
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Let's hear it for Vestron Video ! !
You know , I really have a problem with movie lists . I was reading Maxim magazine a while ago and they had a list of the 50 Greatest B-Movies of all time , and knowing me , I of course have to go through and watch them all and write reviews of all of them . This is why you see reviews of movies like Gator Bait and Bar...
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Most expensive movie I've slept through this year .
Tom Tykwer's The International came about with a lot of promise . It has all the makings of a classy , intelligent espionage thriller . I was expecting something in the vein of The Interpreter or at least some of the fast-paced action of the Bourne films , but such is not to be the case . The movie pitts Clive Owen , a...
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Super-Sized Stripper Smacks Spectator ? ' Madea Goes To Jail ' Review ?
I guess I should start off by admitting that I've never seen any of the previous Madea films , and that I went into this movie knowing nothing about it except that it's the latest in a long line of similar films which have gotten about the same public response as your average Steven Seagal movie . And that's not good ,...
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Don't freeze , freezing only makes you look guilty !
I must have seen a lot more bad movies than the other reviewers who have reviewed this movie on the IMDb , because while it's definitely a long defunct sci fi flick , it wasn't THAT bad . In the world of bad movies , Frozen Alive is nowhere near the bottom of the barrel , but it's still pretty unendurable . The story i...
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Yes , it was as dumb as the trailer made it look .
While it's true that Get Carter was a ridiculous film , if you hated it , you have no one to blame but yourself . Unfortunately , Sylvester Stallone may be the most typecast actor working today , and the type of role that he is able to fill is generally found in terrible action films , like this one . There's not much ...
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I figured it out !
Hey you wanna know what I hate ? Lines of dialogue like this : " You been away from the dark realm a while , Chels , how'd it feel playin ' again ? " " Just like any other ultra-violent twenty-four hour wildly popular and yet utterly purposeless embraced-by-the-masses Internet role-playing game . " It's one of those li...
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The Invisible Maniac has a respectable enough story , in the tradition of the Nutty Professor , but it makes up for the bad acting and directing by throwing in numbing amounts of gratuitous nudity .
Take one look at the cover of this movie , and you know right away that you are not about to watch a landmark film . This is cheese filmmaking in every respect , but it does have its moments . Despite the look of utter trash that the movie gives , the story is actually interesting at some points , although it is undeni...
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Sadly , the goofy melodrama and the exotic martial arts just don't mix ?
In Van Damme's directorial debut , he stars as Chris Dubois , a New York City orphan who stows away aboard a ship on it's way to Asia to escape a life on the edge of society , only to be captured and sold quite literally into slavery . There's even a part where he is asking a shady character played by Roger Moore calle...
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Yeah , I felt a little walled in myself ?
Walled In is the kind of horror film that sets itself up in a bizarre location and then explains all kinds of bizarre rules to make the scariness work . The movie opens with a series of headlines that explain the terrible discovery of 16 bodies cemented into the walls of a building , including that of the architect who...
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Gritty and raw and surreal and turgid and abrasive and ultimately pointless .
It's odd that I don't feel like I know much more about this movie now than before I just watched it . I knew that William H . Macy played a character that went a little mad , as they say , and that there was a substantial amount of nudity and violence , and now that it's over , I can still say about that much about the...
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A relatively interesting story , but awful special effects and some awkward acting reduce Drop Zone to lower shelf material .
Wesley Snipes didn't do much in the acting department here , but at least Drop Zone isn't as bad as Demolition Man , probably his worst role ever , followed closely by Blade . Although not exactly original , the scene where the federal witness is kidnapped from an airplane in mid-flight is pretty well-done , however im...
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What's this about 3D ?
So I've heard that this is the Friday the 13th installment that was released in 3D . I wish I could have seen it in that version , because it would probably have made it a lot more interesting . I imagine the makers decided to add that little bit of cinematic trickery to create another surge of interest in the series ,...
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The worst terrorist attack in Hollywood history .
It seems that Oliver Stone's patriotism is too much for him to objectively helm a story like World Trade Center , which focuses on two firefighters trapped in the rubble of the twin towers after the September 11th attacks . The problem with the movie is that it is simultaneously trying to be a memorial to those killed ...
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Here come the brides ?
It was because of circumstances beyond my control that I was dragged in to watch Bride Wars in the first place , and while I can't avoid admitting that I was truly , truly suffering for the first 30 minutes , I would be lying if I said the film is devoid of laughs . By that , of course , I mean that I did laugh out lou...
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In case of emergency , PLEASE USE THE STAIRS .
( spoilers herein ) The basic plot of They involves three characters who delve into the world of nocturnal , computer-generated monsters , whose behavior is conveniently explained through their friend's journal , which they carry with them like some sort of talisman against being killed by these things . The basic prem...
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Sandra Bullock comes forth with a relatively good performance that is wasted in a boring and routine rehab drama .
The rehab drama has virtually been done to death , and while 28 Days was an honest effort and it succeeded in some areas , as a whole it was the same old thing . Girl , Interrupted was pushing it enough barely a year ago , and to have another of virtually the exact same movie come out already is just too much . Besides...
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296,780
4
Another making-of documentary that is barely about the making of .
I love watching documentaries that appear as special features on DVDs because they almost invariably make me appreciate the movies more . Unfortunately , the Making of Moulin Rouge only reiterated the things that I really disliked about the movie . When the movie first came out , even before I saw it I was apprehensive...
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383,216
4
Thrilling story of Murder , Corruption , and ? Beyonce ?
There is little use in comparing Steve Martin's Pink Panther to Peter Sellers ' character , introduced to the live-action movie world in 1963 . The 2006 version is based only loosely on the original films , it's more of an update on the series , a sort of modern remake in the form of a prequel , and starring one of tod...
544,538
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298,814
4
The biggest disaster of the year ! And I don't mean that the earth's core stopped spinning !
The fact that The Core is a disaster movie is a little too descriptive of itself . My initial interest in seeing the movie stemmed from a piece of the preview in which the Golden Gate Bridge is destroyed , and for some reason I'm always interested in seeing movies in which major monuments are destroyed . Not that I'm i...
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161,083
4
Hmm , that's a good question .
SPOILERS SPOILERS What's the Worst That Could Happen ? Is a film that places two hugely recognizable actors into two perfectly opposite roles and pits them against each other , but it can't come up with a good enough reason for having done this except to have them fighting over the ownership of a ring which has nothing...
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353,489
5
No , Brigitte snaps . Ginger's dead .
Ginger Snaps 2 starts off with Brigitte landing herself in a rehab clinic after she is discovered overdosing on the poisonous drug that she has to take in order to prevent herself from turning into a werewolf like her sister . As is to be expected , the guy who finds her lapsing into unconsciousness immediately conclud...
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173,840
5
Yet another overblown movie based on a video game .
Almost immediately after the release and failure of the highly overrated Tomb Raider comes the release of Final Fantasy : The Spirits Within . While Final Fantasy wasn't nearly as bad as Tomb Raider , the spiritual element made up far too much of the story for the film as a whole to be taken seriously . The religious a...
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734,597
5
What ?
I borrowed Season 2 of the Twilight Zone from my mother-in-law about a week ago ( my brother's wife's mother . Is that my mother-in-law ? Stepmother-in-law ? ) , and this was the first episode that I watched , just because I was surprised to see that William Shatner was starring in it . He looks absolutely nothing like...
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105,121
5
One of Wes Craven's weakest films .
The People Under the Stairs isn't even one of those Wes Craven films that's weak because it was a popular or critical disaster , like some of his best films were ( such as The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes ) , this movie was just goofy camp . Structurally , the film is very good . Craven has a very wel...
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89,880
5
Wow , 1985 wasn't such a good year for Stallone !
In watching First Blood Part 2 the first thing that I was struck by was that , as I was watching for classic cheesy moments , one of my favorite reasons to watch old action movies , I soon noticed that the cheese-factor in this movie is astronomical . In fact , the entire movie is basically a 97-minute cheese moment , ...
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99,180
5
? and God created woman ?
It's murder ! It's blasphemy ! It's ? it's misogyny ! ! If ever a single line described an entire movie , that one describes Bride of Re-Animator . Not that it's a direct quote , but close . Dr . Herbert West is back and crazier than ever , having become less of a scientist desperately pursuing work that is highly unet...
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5
Interesting transition .
SPOILERS SPOILERS Picking up not long after where Part 3 left off , A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4 has the strange transitional quality of including several characters from the last film , but pretty much just long enough for them to get killed off . Kristen is no longer played by Patricia Arquette , but by the curio...
544,042
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444,682
5
Sadly inconsequential religious thriller .
In my experience , religious thrillers have the unfortunate habit of looking good but ultimately turning out as a disappointment ( I'm thinking of End of Days , at the moment ) . Nevertheless , Hillary Swank lends credibility to a story that , sadly , turns out as a disappointment . I am not an avid Bible reader , but ...
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5
This is even bad for a Hugh Grant movie .
Hugh Grant is widely considered to be one of the more aggravating actors working today . He constantly plays roles which are really only thinly disguised caricatures of the same dainty British guy who has managed to get himself in over his head . Like Woody Allen , his movies are also packed full of little good-natured...
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5
Back when commercials meant something . . .
The thing that really struck me about this short comedy is that it is all about a guy who makes a radio commercial for a local donut shop because he actually cares about the well-being of its owner , a woman named Dora with whom he is clearly romantically interested ( and who is clearly romantically interested in him a...
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5
Please direct your hate mail messages to miked32 @ hotmail . com . Thanks .
I know that I am going to get some pretty angry e-mails from at least a few people , as is almost always the case when I write scathing reviews of popular movies . I realize that Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a classic comedy , and not only because it stars Marilyn Monroe . But therein lies my biggest problem with the fi...
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5
Uninspired retread of well-known morals ?
I'm hoping that The Soloist will come across as one of the most disappointing movies of 2009 , because if we get anything more of a letdown than this it's gonna be pretty bad . I awaited the movie with enormous anticipation . Jamie Foxx has proved himself as a tremendously talented actor many times over , and Robert Do...
544,139
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85,636
5
What's this about a witch , now ?
Almost universally hated for being such a digression from the much known and loved Halloween movies , Halloween III comes along almost like John Carpenter and Debra Hill , who produced it , are trying to sneak up on audiences and show them something they weren't expecting . While it's true that it has absolutely nothin...
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5
This film's main redeeming value was the fact that it was based on a true story , and it vaguely communicated the events of that story . However , it was also badly distorted by the influences of Hollywood .
The Perfect Storm is an extremely difficult kind of film to make . No matter how you approach it , the budget is going to have to be huge , and there will definitely be some scenes that will simply be impossible to film on location . Hence , special effects are necessary . Given that , even though I generally feel that...
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5
An odd little film indeed .
While claiming that this film borders on kiddie porn may be something of a stretch , it's not much of a stretch . It is certainly odd to consider the parents agreeing to let their kids perform in such a movie , which is racy , to say the least . The spectacle of Shirley Temple swinging her four-year-old hips around for...
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5
Not quite as pathetic as it looks .
The cover of ? Gator Bait makes it look like a ridiculous , mindless film with few redeeming qualities other than an abundance of inexplicable nudity . While there is nudity in the film ( and unnecessary nudity , at that ) , it is a relatively low quantity of it , and there are even a few elements of the film that were...
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5
Wow , I wonder what the video game's like .
So obviously I make no secret of the fact that I've never played the video game on which this movie is based , although I can't say it's that easy to come up with what the objective of a game would be that would inspire a movie like this . Not that I hated the movie or anything , but I think the story here would work b...
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349,889
5
Who the hell marries their best friend's sister anyway ?
Unstoppable is one of those movies that people immediately attack , calling it Wesley Snipes descent into video land and such . These are not entirely unfounded arguments , but I have to suggest that the badness of this movie may be magnified at least a little bit because it is so overshadowed by Blade 3 which , given ...
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5
Let me go , Bull ! !
I think everything in my weekend led up to me watching Poseidon last night . First of all , ever since reading a fascinating novel called Shadow Divers a few weeks ago , I have been devouring every book and documentary and movie about submarines , shipwrecks , U-Boats , ocean liners , and other sea calamities that I co...
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5
Moronic comedy about a bunch of guys who try to bail a friend out of jail by selling stolen marijuana .
Half Baked is a drug comedy of the lowest order . It takes place in the all-American town of Anywhere , USA , in the mid 1980s , and concerns a group of pothead losers who come across a way to get their hands on huge amounts of marijuana , and use the opportunity to try to build up enough money to bail their pothead fr...