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564,368 | 102,816 | 118,655 | 1 | Gut-wrenchingly Terrible | At 89 minutes long ( including end credits ) you cannot expect anything more than for us to be robbed in broad daylight . Mike Myers is no great writer that's for damn sure . Apart from Austin Powers , Wayne Campbell , Axe Murderer and 54 has he ever been in a good movie ? No . Wayne's World is hardly a plot driven film . Neither are the Austin Powers movies . Or Axe Murderer . 54 is junk . He should not be a star . Or a Megastar ( which some people think he is ) . For example . . . in this film he and Liz Hurley are underground in the Nevada desert . She is wearing this silver two-piece costume . 2 minutes later she is back at the Riviera hotel in a leather costume and another 2 minutes later she's back underground in the Nevada desert ( ? ! ) . And another , there is no definitive version of this movie ( not that I actually care ) and almost every version has numerous added / deleted scenes . Why ? All this film is is an excuse to throw up some stupid humor and this is proof of it . But the worst part is how people STILL TO THIS DAY go " yeah baby " and all that nonsense . Ugh ! It makes me so mad . THAT is not comedy and it doesn't deserve to be treated so . When will it ever stop ? ? ? ? ? Never buy this or watch it . You have been warned . |
563,953 | 102,816 | 295,178 | 1 | My God , it's just . . . AWFUL ! ! ! | I've never liked the Austin Powers movies ( or Mike Myers for that matter ) as they have always come across as being the product of an over-indulgent , but not very bright , imagination . They'll all so flimsy and crudely stapled together that it baffles me why people adore them and spend $200 million + at the box office . Are we so braindead and slovenly that utter , utter garbage like this is what passes for our collective sense of humor ? As previously , the film is just random scenes of nonsense connected in the most superficial of ways with a moronic ' plot ' . And don't give me ' but that's the point ' , because I don't think that excuses it for having absolutely no class or sophistication whatsoever . Everything , from the camp static sets to the pathetic widescreen photography reeks of Wal-Mart movie making . It's all so amateur . I actually walked out of the 2nd Austin Powers film ( and I really should have just switched this one off but Michael Caine kept me watching ) as the character of Fat Bastard seriously offended me . I don't think it's fair to make Scotland the butt of such a vile , xenophobic joke . But , I guess that's as far as Myer's imagination goes when creating characters as everyone here in this film is nothing more than a cultural stereotype . Quite irresponsible for a wannabe-blockbuster . I wish I could say that if I ignore a monster such as this , it would go away . But that just won't happen . Let's just thank our lucky stars that no more Austin Powers films have been made since this drek . |
564,480 | 102,816 | 499,448 | 1 | I've never been more bored in my life | I haven't read the books , so I'm not prejudiced in any way . But as someone who actually enjoyed the first one I was startled by how shockingly dull this snoozefest sequel is . I can sit here and spend an hour writing a review that tears the film apart bit by bit though , quite frankly , I have better things to do with my time so I will only focus on my biggest complaints . Yes , I know it's a film for kids and that it's rated PG but where is the blood ? Hundreds of people , humans and creatures alike , are felled in battle but there is not one drop of blood in the whole movie . What is this teaching our children about violence exactly ? Don't give me any nonsense about traumatizing them either . I saw Predator when I was a kid and I turned out fine . But this is Disney after all and the only people keeping them afloat as a studio are overprotective mothers who fear absolutely everything and are only too happy to spend money on movies and products that falsely suggest that the world is a magical and safe place ( this is what you call being ' Disneyfied ' ) and consider something as tame and boring as Prince Caspian to be dark and tough . " You may find Narnia a more savage place than you remember , " warns Aslan . Wow , does that mean that we'll be getting Rambo-level violence ? Sadly , no . However , more people are killed in this film . Can you work that out ? Because I can't . Since I haven't read the book I wasn't previously orientated as to who's who and what their motivations are , and the film doesn't make it any clearer I promise you . Far , far too often I found myself asking ' Who is he ? ' , ' Who are they ? ' , ' Why are all the bad guys identical to each other ? ' , ' Why are they the bad guys again ? ' . ' What do they want ? ' . ' Why are they all Spanish ? ' , ' Why are the kids still kids ? Shouldn't they return to Narnia as adults ? ' And so on . . . and so on . . . The only thing this film is good for is a cure for insomnia . I know that's a childish and crass and far from being a clever soundbite but it was so catatonic that it simply is not inspiring an intelligent review out of me . Whatever charm the first film had is well and truly gone , all that's left is some pretty scenery and that's not enough to keep me interested for well over two hours . Please Disney , don't even bother making the rest of them . |
564,213 | 102,816 | 220,008 | 1 | A beast from hell | You've not seen much worse than this ! The RoboCop franchise once held so much promise , so much potential . It quickly disintegrated into cheap kiddie garbage . The first RoboCop movie was awesome and is no doubt a cult classic . Almost immediately this was followed by a crudely animated cartoon show in 1988 and then , RoboCop 2 , the under-rated sequel was totally misunderstood on release but by the time RoboCop 3 came out Orion Pictures had long gone out of business and it was unceremoniously dumped into cinemas without any kind of ad campaign or publicity . Quite appropriate too as it's a moronic pile of crap aimed at the kids . And it got worse after that ! An uber-cheap , live-action TV-series came and went within a single season and yet another animated show 1998 ( selling RoboCop to the kids is like making Bratz dolls based on House of 1000 Corpses ! ) and one of the worst video-games ever in 2003 . If you think this franchise couldn't get any worse wait until you get a load of Prime Directives . It stomps what's left of Robo right into the maggot-infested mud . The story is hardly worth mentioning but if you're that interested it involves Robo feeling old and obsolete , Delta City politics ( now located in Canada , a poor substitute for the real Detroit ) and some crazed employee at OCP ( the company went out of business in RoboCop 3 ! ) trying to take over with his ultimate doomsday device . Robo's kid is now a fully-grown exec and his ex-partner ( a man with a very , very dodgy moustache ) has been killed and made into a new RoboCop . They drag this crap out over 375 minutes and you feel every precious second of it . I could forgive the cheapness if the makers were enthusiastic or spirited or if the actors weren't so bored they are about to keel over and die . The Robo suits look terrible and could fall apart at any minute . The nobody playing him makes Robert John Burke's performance in RoboCop 3 look Oscar-worthy . Instead of striding with a heaving titanium chest he kind of stumbles and bumbles like an old man without a zimmer-frame and has as much trouble ascending stairs as ED-209 did descending them . It's as if he was mimicking C-3PO . Say what you want about the declining quality of the films . At least they all had great music . Prime Directives has noise that is painful to the ears and lethal to the soul and mind . Goddamn , I want to erase this horrid mini-series from my memory but I can't . I need a shrink ! This junk should be scrapped and left to rust . Not even the most dedicated and forgiving RoboCop fan should suffer this guff . Wise people such as myself will realise this has as much to do with the TRUE RoboCop as Supergran does with Clark Kent . |
564,005 | 102,816 | 225,705 | 1 | Am I the only one who found this really offensive ? | I remember when I was 11 and in Primary Seven ( which works out at Sixth Grade if your American ) when our teacher took the class through to the screening room to watch yet another sex education video . By this point , even as a bunch of 11-year-olds , we were all pretty jaded by this constant sex-ed stuff and rolled our eyes at having to suffer yet more ( this continued all they way to late-High School BTW , which we all found quite odd ) . The video in question that day ( and many days after that ) was Feeling Yes , Feeling No ; a Canadian Stage play acted out in front of kids younger than us on what to do if an adult sexually harasses you . Just say ( or shout ) NO was the answer . It had the sophistication of a 16-mm interstitial on Seasame Street . I remember it vividly to this day . And I remember being very offended by it , along with a lot of the other boys in my class . The reason for this is that every scenario acted out is a man taking advantage of or abusing a girl . I mean , does it never happen the other way around ? Will a woman never abuse a boy ? This aspect was stupidly left out and made the series entirely one-sided and just plain wrong . Honestly . After watching all these us guys felt guilty for no reason . We had done nothing wrong but were made to feel like sexual predators all because of this stupid series . We were all quite downcast for a few days and repeatedly voiced our anger at the teacher who typically ignored us . Even the girls treated us differently , saying stuff like ' You're all rapists . ' Which is just plain wrong no matter what way you look at it . This series of ' educational ' films is wrong and hopelessly sexist . I am sure something this old is not shown in schools anymore and I pray that something more PC ( and trust me , I HATE PC ) is part of sex-ed now . Oh , and what a god-awful ' theme ' song too . I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head . Like the Macarena or Agadoo . |
564,850 | 102,816 | 225,704 | 1 | Am I the only one who found this really offensive ? | I remember when I was 11 and in Primary Seven ( which works out at Sixth Grade if your American ) when our teacher took the class through to the screening room to watch yet another sex education video . By this point , even as a bunch of 11-year-olds , we were all pretty jaded by this constant sex-ed stuff and rolled our eyes at having to suffer yet more ( this continued all they way to late-High School BTW , which we all found quite odd ) . The video in question that day ( and many days after that ) was Feeling Yes , Feeling No ; a Canadian Stage play acted out in front of kids younger than us on what to do if an adult sexually harasses you . Just say ( or shout ) NO was the answer . It had the sophistication of a 16-mm interstitial on Seasame Street . I remember it vividly to this day . And I remember being very offended by it , along with a lot of the other boys in my class . The reason for this is that every scenario acted out is a man taking advantage of or abusing a girl . I mean , does it never happen the other way around ? Will a woman never abuse a boy ? This aspect was stupidly left out and made the series entirely one-sided and just plain wrong . Honestly . After watching all these us guys felt guilty for no reason . We had done nothing wrong but were made to feel like sexual predators all because of this stupid series . We were all quite downcast for a few days and repeatedly voiced our anger at the teacher who typically ignored us . Even the girls treated us differently , saying stuff like ' You're all rapists . ' Which is just plain wrong no matter what way you look at it . This series of ' educational ' films is wrong and hopelessly sexist . I am sure something this old is not shown in schools anymore and I pray that something more PC ( and trust me , I HATE PC ) is part of sex-ed now . Oh , and what a god-awful ' theme ' song too . I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head . Like the Macarena or Agadoo . |
564,003 | 102,816 | 225,707 | 1 | Am I the only one who found this really offensive ? | I remember when I was 11 and in Primary Seven ( which works out at Sixth Grade if your American ) when our teacher took the class through to the screening room to watch yet another sex education video . By this point , even as a bunch of 11-year-olds , we were all pretty jaded by this constant sex-ed stuff and rolled our eyes at having to suffer yet more ( this continued all they way to late-High School BTW , which we all found quite odd ) . The video in question that day ( and many days after that ) was Feeling Yes , Feeling No ; a Canadian Stage play acted out in front of kids younger than us on what to do if an adult sexually harasses you . Just say ( or shout ) NO was the answer . It had the sophistication of a 16-mm interstitial on Seasame Street . I remember it vividly to this day . And I remember being very offended by it , along with a lot of the other boys in my class . The reason for this is that every scenario acted out is a man taking advantage of or abusing a girl . I mean , does it never happen the other way around ? Will a woman never abuse a boy ? This aspect was stupidly left out and made the series entirely one-sided and just plain wrong . Honestly . After watching all these us guys felt guilty for no reason . We had done nothing wrong but were made to feel like sexual predators all because of this stupid series . We were all quite downcast for a few days and repeatedly voiced our anger at the teacher who typically ignored us . Even the girls treated us differently , saying stuff like ' You're all rapists . ' Which is just plain wrong no matter what way you look at it . This series of ' educational ' films is wrong and hopelessly sexist . I am sure something this old is not shown in schools anymore and I pray that something more PC ( and trust me , I HATE PC ) is part of sex-ed now . Oh , and what a god-awful ' theme ' song too . I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head . Like the Macarena or Agadoo . |
564,004 | 102,816 | 225,706 | 1 | Am I the only one who found this really offensive ? | I remember when I was 11 and in Primary Seven ( which works out at Sixth Grade if your American ) when our teacher took the class through to the screening room to watch yet another sex education video . By this point , even as a bunch of 11-year-olds , we were all pretty jaded by this constant sex-ed stuff and rolled our eyes at having to suffer yet more ( this continued all they way to late-High School BTW , which we all found quite odd ) . The video in question that day ( and many days after that ) was Feeling Yes , Feeling No ; a Canadian Stage play acted out in front of kids younger than us on what to do if an adult sexually harasses you . Just say ( or shout ) NO was the answer . It had the sophistication of a 16-mm interstitial on Seasame Street . I remember it vividly to this day . And I remember being very offended by it , along with a lot of the other boys in my class . The reason for this is that every scenario acted out is a man taking advantage of or abusing a girl . I mean , does it never happen the other way around ? Will a woman never abuse a boy ? This aspect was stupidly left out and made the series entirely one-sided and just plain wrong . Honestly . After watching all these us guys felt guilty for no reason . We had done nothing wrong but were made to feel like sexual predators all because of this stupid series . We were all quite downcast for a few days and repeatedly voiced our anger at the teacher who typically ignored us . Even the girls treated us differently , saying stuff like ' You're all rapists . ' Which is just plain wrong no matter what way you look at it . This series of ' educational ' films is wrong and hopelessly sexist . I am sure something this old is not shown in schools anymore and I pray that something more PC ( and trust me , I HATE PC ) is part of sex-ed now . Oh , and what a god-awful ' theme ' song too . I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head . Like the Macarena or Agadoo . |
564,649 | 102,816 | 466,909 | 1 | A bad sign ! | I'm not one of these crazy people who go mental every time Hollywood remakes a movie . Such movies can be appropriate and interesting if they are brought into a contemporary setting or given a new political twist . But for every brilliant Dawn of the Dead there are a million pathetic Wicker Men or The Grudge . It's an easy , lucrative business practise but the shocking thing is how often directors screw it up when the template on how to make a good movie from the material is right there in front of them . Let me begin with saying that The Omen 2006 is , hands down , one of the worst films I have even seen in my life . Simply saying this is an understatement , I left it feeling insulted , offended and angry . But I don't want to waste energy and word-space aptly describing how wretchedly incompetent the film is at absolutely everything so we'll leave it at that . It's been over a decade since I saw the original , I was about 12 when I caught it on TV late one Saturday night . It would probably wouldn't scare me now but I was mildly freaked out by it then . With Richard Donner behind the camera you can rely on it being a strong movie regardless of the scares . Working from , more or less , the exact script , hack , nobody director John Moore hasn't got a rat-arsed clue and makes a mess of this from the very beginning . Ditching the scope-widescreen photography of the original he shoots the film in plain old 1 . 85 : 1 , which would be fine if he did something slightly artistic with it . But instead he gives us the blandest cinematography possible and it looks incredibly TV-movie-ish . Which is weird considering his cheap , Wal-Mart widescreen photography in Behind Enemy Lines and Flight of the Phoenix ( another remake ) . Every single ' scare ' he has up his sleeve is no more than an amateurish , simple-minded ' stinger ' which you will ALWAYS see coming because they only ' work ' when they are put into a scene of total silence . So whenever there is a sudden silence in the movie , prepare for the ' boo ' . I can't see any reason why any of the cast would appear in this drek other than the fat paycheck . Liev Schreiber sleepwalks his way through almost entirely monosyllabic role ( or perhaps he's just a terrible actor ) while surrounded by a bunch of equally stupid characters who deserve to die for being so foolish . All the slasher-movie elements are in place here eh ? That's all it is . Considering the material there was so much potential for so much more . How about some insight into the inner workings of heaven and hell ? How about the tiniest bit of plot logic ? Where's the atmosphere ? But no ! They chuck it all away because their imagination and creativity cannot stretch that far and serve up yet another bog-standard , run-of-the-mill crap-fest that will only appeal to brain-dead philistines . Marco Beltrami's generic score ( is this man capable of anything else ? ) is almost as bad Moore's direction ( if you can call it that ) . Once again , here we have so much potential for a great score ( Jerry Goldsmith knew this and won an Academy Award for the original ) , but you need talent to do this or care about the project instead of just being involved for the sake of food and heat . Nobody , NOBODY , from the director all the way down to the dolly grip , gave anything to this far inferior remake . It was a chore to make and a chore to sit through . Of all the terrible remakes that have come and gone in recent years ( it's frightening how many there are now ) this one has to be the most pointless . How stupid do they think we are ? Who on earth would fall for this crap ? John Moore has insulted both God AND The Devil with this garbage . I could give you 666 reasons why you shouldn't watch this movie . But I'm almost out of word-space . Beware ! |
564,849 | 102,816 | 225,703 | 1 | Am I the only one who found this really offensive ? | I remember when I was 11 and in Primary Seven ( which works out at Sixth Grade if your American ) when our teacher took the class through to the screening room to watch yet another sex education video . By this point , even as a bunch of 11-year-olds , we were all pretty jaded by this constant sex-ed stuff and rolled our eyes at having to suffer yet more ( this continued all they way to late-High School BTW , which we all found quite odd ) . The video in question that day ( and many days after that ) was Feeling Yes , Feeling No ; a Canadian Stage play acted out in front of kids younger than us on what to do if an adult sexually harasses you . Just say ( or shout ) NO was the answer . It had the sophistication of a 16-mm interstitial on Seasame Street . I remember it vividly to this day . And I remember being very offended by it , along with a lot of the other boys in my class . The reason for this is that every scenario acted out is a man taking advantage of or abusing a girl . I mean , does it never happen the other way around ? Will a woman never abuse a boy ? This aspect was stupidly left out and made the series entirely one-sided and just plain wrong . Honestly . After watching all these us guys felt guilty for no reason . We had done nothing wrong but were made to feel like sexual predators all because of this stupid series . We were all quite downcast for a few days and repeatedly voiced our anger at the teacher who typically ignored us . Even the girls treated us differently , saying stuff like ' You're all rapists . ' Which is just plain wrong no matter what way you look at it . This series of ' educational ' films is wrong and hopelessly sexist . I am sure something this old is not shown in schools anymore and I pray that something more PC ( and trust me , I HATE PC ) is part of sex-ed now . Oh , and what a god-awful ' theme ' song too . I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head . Like the Macarena or Agadoo . |
564,043 | 102,816 | 93,300 | 1 | Pant-wettingly hilarious | There's no new bad things I can say about this film as they are all pretty much common knowledge ( like how can someone have flashbacks of events they never witnessed ? ) . But I will say that no collection is complete without this movie . It is so wretchedly bad it's funny . First of all , hardly anybody gets eaten . After Jaws gobbles up the youngest Brody son Mom goes on a holiday to get away from Amity Island and it's history . . . to the Bahamas ! Total change of scenery huh ? Jaws follows . How ? Don't ask me . And he gets there in a day when it would take any ordinary shark about a week minimum . Her elder son works as a marine biologist ( surely being attacked by sharks in the first two movies would put him off going in the ocean ) and is studying sea snails ( presumably he got fired from Sea World after Jaws 3 ) . By pure coincidence ( or contrivance ) , Jaws shows up and pokes his nose into the sea snail research . The shark looks sooooooooooooo fake . It's very obviously nothing but foam rubber with plastic teeth . And it's incredibly stupid . The shark in the first film ( and in the surprisingly good second ) seemed to be kind of smart and cunning . But now it's just a big lumbering idiot . Why on earth Michael Caine agreed to be in this is beyond me . He even couldn't get to the Oscars to accept his award for Hannah and her Sisters because he was too busy filming this turkey . And the story with him dating Mom Brody takes up a tremendous amount of the film's running time and ends up turning it into a soap opera . The worst thing tho , isn't the elder Brody son's beard or Mario Van Peebles ' Jamaican accent . It's the ending . Let me explain what happens . . . Jaws stands on his tail ! On the Water ! ! Roars like a Lion ! ! ! Is stabbed by the broken mast of a ship . . . . . . and explodes ! ! ! ! Of course ! Where on earth the idea for that ending came from is probably best kept a mystery . The fact that it recycles footage from the first film into this ending is a mockery of the original's genius . It should also be noted that this version includes the happy ( alternate ) ending in Mario Van Peebles survives being chomped across the belly by the big fish . This new DVD release by Universal improves upon the shoddy , OOP Goodtimes release . Gone is the snapper cover , now we have a sturdy keepcase . The picture is now anamorphic and although the 2 . 35 : 1 frame has some dirt on it , it's rather sharp . The Dolby 2 . 0 soundtrack is just about average though . The only extra is a trailer . |
563,919 | 102,816 | 120,484 | 1 | Awful , just awful | This should not have made so much money . We were robbed . There is no plot and no comedy . Why did people flock to see this crap ? It truly is the worst thing ever created . Adam Sandler is the most untalented comic actor in history . He got paid $20 million for this waste of celluloid . What a travesty . There are people starving in this world and to think of such an uncharismatic actor , who has basically coasted his way into stardom , earning that amount of money for pulling a few faces and doing a stupid voice makes me sick . An utter , utter , utter pile of total , 100 % , bonafide , no doubt about it , absolute crap . Never , ever see for any reason . |
564,783 | 102,816 | 318,627 | 1 | Really , really bad film ! | There was a time , long , long ago when the Silver Screen was reserved for for classics , for art , for the Golden Age of Hollywood . Those days are long gone . But at least movies had that special time . Video Games will never be regarded in this way . No matter how realistic and frightening the Resident Evil games can be the world of gaming will never be able to shed the geeky image of friendless , degenerate nerds playing for 11-hours straight . There's no glamour or admiration to be had here . And with the worlds of movies and video games merging closer and closer together ( whether we like it or not ) we can only expect a Sonic the Hedgehog live action movie soon ( and some studio exec will probably cast Ben Affleck in the title role ) . I may sound like I'm talking nonsense , but , when you think about it . . . not really . We've already had a Super Mario Bros . movie and Double Dragon and Mortal Kombat : Annihilation and Alone in the Dark . The first Resident Evil movie was no classic that's for damn sure but it's still a far superior film to this drek . Resident Evil : Apocalypse is so wantonly awful it's almost on par with House of the Dead . No joke ! These zombies are not scary ! At all ! Dawn of the Dead this ain't . For an R-rated movie the violence is blurred and confusing , why even bother with the swearing if that is really all that is keeping it from being a PG-13 ? It's shot and cut with no skill whatsoever . The plot makes no sense at all and there are frequent gaps in logic that even the most ignorant viewer can point out . Like why do the long-dead people in the graveyard ( conveniently buried underneath only a few centimetres of loose dirt ) suddenly come back to life when the T-virus is only supposed to be transfered through blood infection ? And that was only just one part of a ' plot ' that was constant nonsense . And by the end it was so far removed from the ( better ) story of the video games that the ' Resident Evil ' title is really no more than a way of selling nonsense to people who expect and deserve something else . Don't get me started on the characters ! All I can say about them is that they might as well have been polygons . I know I'm not being really original when I say this movie is like watching a bunch of cut-scenes from a video game but . . . it is . It is totally NOT worth your time or money . Do not even give in to curiosity . The DVD is in 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen and ( my version had ) Dolby EX / DTS ES 6 . 1 sound . Plus a bunch of extras I care not for . |
564,114 | 102,816 | 323,531 | 1 | Mother Theresa in a gangbang ! What is this ? ? ? | Either Steven Seagal has absolutely NO self-respect or the Mob were just too damn scary for him when it came to signing the contract for this total pile of crap . They couldn't even be bothered to come up with an good title . Instead the took Hard to Kill and Out for Justice and combined them ( Hard to Justice ? ) . But don't even think for one minute that this film is up to the standards of Seagal's golden years . You'll NEVER see anything worse than this . Well , Son of the Mask maybe . Seagal plays an archaeologist ( well , it's a change from Cop or ex-CIA ) who's precious Chinese artifacts and pots are seized by the Tong ( the non-threatening Chinese Syndicate baddies ) and stuffed with brown sugar ( or cocaine , I don't know ) . Big Steve stumbles upon this dastardly deed and takes off for the Uzbekistan border . A hundred baddies come out of nowhere and start firing at him . Big Steve is promptly framed and sent to jail , where he meets a character introduced as his new sidekick but is quickly forgotten about and never seen or heard from again . What the hell was the point in this ? It turns out that Steve used to be in the CIA ( oh for the love of crumb cake ) and was their best ghost thief ( huh ? ) and the DEA release him for some reason and he goes home to his quiet American suburb , where the Tong blow up his wife and house . Steve goes on a killing spree . But what helps is that every Chinaman who's neck he breaks has a one-word tattoo on his arm that when added up makes an ancient Chinese proverb that provides the right order of tiles to push in case of fire in the Tong bosses office . What ? Don't look at me ! I didn't write this ! The bad guys don't do anything apart from sit at a long table in a poorly-lit and cold-looking room and smoke cigars while looking evil . The boss isn't even Chinese but an Ian Hislop-lookalike with bushy eyebrows . Every 10 minutes the film will jump to them ( subtitles list their hobbies and interests for some strange reason ! ) and the boss goes ' We have to stop him , he knows too much ' . The fight scenes are horrible . What is the deal with the kung-fu monkey barber ? Seriously ! What is the deal with that ? The computer-generated effects are the worst ever ( second to Son of the Mask , nothing will beat that in terms of terribleness ) . I've seen more convincing stuff on a ZX Spectrum . Seagal puts NO effort into this film . He looks incredibly bored through-out and looks like he'd rather be praying to Budda . However , you can almost see Frankie Fingers from The Mob loitering off-camera , pointing a gun at his head . I know I wouldn't show enthusiasm if that were the case . Out for a Kill is directed by Mike Oblonglowiscz , the same amateur responsible for the equally as horrible The Foreigner . The man has NO idea how to make films and should never be allowed near a camera again . He desperately tries to mime Michael Bay ( a dubious choice of inspiration ) with his pointless stutter-cuts and incoherent editing which only makes the film look worse , turning it into an avalanche on top of another avalanche . It's quite possibly one of the ugliest-looking film you'll ever see . Considering some of the high-profile and veteran production members it's phenomenal they made a film so indescribably bad . Eternal , everlasting shame on all those involved with making this trash . Utter crap of the lowest order . The DVD is in 1 . 85 : 1 anamorphic widescreen , showing off the ugly photography and poorly planned camera angles in all their rubbishy glory . The Dolby 5 . 1 soundtrack also turns the films unbelievably bad sound design into pure torture for the ears . The cover also features 2 exploding helicopters . There are no helicopters in the entire film , never mind exploding ones . |
564,193 | 102,816 | 202,677 | 1 | Tedious | Boy was I disappointed at this movie . This is the pits . Nothing happens in this film . Watching grass grow is more interesting . There was a little bit of gunplay at the start but for about 100 minutes all we get is a scene of dialogue , followed by a scene of dialogue , followed by a scene of dialogue , followed by a scene of dialogue , followed by a scene of dialogue , followed by a scene of dialogue and by this point I'm dying of sheer boredom . Writer and Director McQuarrie tries to make up for this by having the last scene filled with noise and gunfire . It doesn't work . He also tries to make the ( superficial ) dialogue sound cool by having it said very , very quiet and muttered . The photography is quite cool and some shots of the desert at night are great . But that's no reason to watch this awful mess . The only thing about this film that stopped me from walking out was the presence of Geoffrey Lewis . The scenes where he couldn't get his cell phone working were pretty funny to me . |
564,192 | 102,816 | 118,688 | 1 | Rancid | Oh Mother Nature , why was this garbage made ? Why on Earth was such a blasphemous travesty unleashed upon the world ? This film is a foul weed deep in the bowels of Satan . I would rather walk off a cliff than watch this total , total Spam again . Tim Burton's Gothic style from the first 2 films was great but here Joel Schumacher replaces that with bright , happy colors and many , many multicoloured dancing lights . Why ? It's looks so stupid and so camp . So much so that it makes the original series look Butch . George Clooney is terrible . Chris O'Donnell is even worse . Alicia Silverstone is there for no reason other than to make guys see it . Arnie is bad , bad , bad . Uma Thurman is some sort of plant ? I dunno . The jokes are brazenly awful . And Bruce Wayne is ? normal . Batman is not the weirdo he once was . Why doesn't he just become Barman instead ? In BATMAN RETURNS he completely ignored Selina Kyle the first time he met her , despite the fact that she was smitten by him . But in this movie he's like ' Hi I'm Batman , I have unlimited credit on my Credit Batcard . Never , ever , ever , ever , ever watch this ugly , ugly and twisted pile of trash . |
564,347 | 102,816 | 312,700 | 1 | Extrememly Bad | Lord have mercy ! Why was this film made ? Why did Seagal and rising star Max Ryan agree to be in it ? The Foreigner is so excruciatingly bad in every conceivable way that it boggles the mind . The film has an ultra-cheap look to it . Like a budget of a couple of bucks was far out of their reach . What's worse is that the makers know this and try to make it look slick to compensate . The result is a film that just don't look right . The fight scenes are so dull and edited ' discretely ' to hide the fact that Steven Seagal is not in good shape anymore . None of them are engaging or exciting . The plot is nonsense that doesn't interest in the slightest way or have any uniqueness to it . The Eastern-Europe locations ( a sly move by the producers to keep the budget down , or non-existent ) look unpleasant and should not be serving as the backdrop for an ' action ' film ( what action ? ) . And what is the deal with the title ? As far as I could tell everyone in the movie was foreign . Which ONE does the title refer to ? The DVD is in 1 . 85 : 1 anamorphic widescreen and in Dolby 5 . 1 sound . Neither are remarkable enough to warrant even a single rent . The Foreigner is not worth one second of your time . Gotta love that tagline tho ! ' If they think they can stop him , they're dead wrong . ' Sheesh ! |
564,559 | 102,816 | 334,541 | 1 | Really bad | A surprisingly poor sequel this time . Offering us nothing new and no excitement . Set in the 1800's , the town of Perfection , then called Rejection , is becoming a ghost town because the Graboids are gobbling up all the mine workers . The mine owner ( Hiram Gummer-Burt's ancestor and complete opposite ) comes to town to sort out the problem but proves to be useless . He hires a notorious gunman ( the ever-evil Billy Drago ) but he proves to be useless too . What is weird about this film is that it provides NO set-pieces for our characters to do anything or prove themselves . Nothing happens and the film seems to drag on for ages with long periods of no Graboid action whatsoever . Weird considering it's directed by SS Wilson who did the Tremors 2 and 3 . It doesn't feel like a Tremors film at all . Where's the fun in watching a bunch of period characters learn what we've long known about the mysterious Graboids ? Michael Gross is great as Hiram in regards to playing the complete opposite of what he is popular for and showing some range as an actor . But he just doesn't do anything . There is no reason to watch this film . Plus it's not shot on 35mm film but with a TV camera . The 1 . 78 : 1 anamorphic picture proves this only further . It really does look like a feature length episode of the Tremors TV show ( which I don't think I'll get if it's anything like this , assuming it ever comes to DVD at all ) and it's very distracting . The sound is in Dolby 5 . 1 and is quite good during the tunnelling and gunfire scenes but it's not reference quality stuff by any means . |
563,781 | 102,816 | 177,971 | 1 | Very slow and boring | This film was slower than an elderly turtle . Never before have I seen a film that threatened to keel over and die so soon . It takes a healthy 45 minutes before George and Mark get to sea . And when they eventually do it's really not so spectacular . In fact it's slushier and sickeningly sentimental than it is exciting . Plus it's full of very , very bad dialogue . The dialogue is so poor me and my friends were in total hysterics . It was SO bad . The actual storm itself was quite tame to me . The only nauseating thing about it was the idiotically high volume . If a film is not exciting enough in it's basic story the soundtrack has to bombard us deafening noises . The characters made stupid illogical decisions and some don't even do much . The only thing about this film that surprised me was how much William Fichtner has built up his body since Go or Armageddon . Don't see this film for any reason . |
563,767 | 102,816 | 455,586 | 1 | What am I supposed to do ? | It seems like some sort of Lemmings rip-off but I can't for the life of me figure out how to work this game . The instructions do not tell you what you're supposed to do or how to play the game . It just said , ' Krusty's house is filled with rats ' . The gameplay itself is pretty bad . The Krusty character sprite is far too small and the level ( the only one I can reach seeing as how I can't get past it ) has bland graphics and sound . Honestly , save your dough for something else . Something that tells you how to play the game . Of all the Simpsons titles to be released as a video game this is surely the worst . |
564,825 | 102,816 | 120,812 | 1 | 80's drivel ironically made in the late 90's | Oh the humanity , this film is incredibly dire . Chris Tucker was bad enough when he was in the Fifth Element but someone's decision to put him in another movie and pair him up with Jackie Chan was certainly a wrong one . It's cool to see and hear Jackie speak English but every time Tucker opened his mouth everyone in the audience squirmed . I haven't seen such nausea since THE CARE BEARS MOVIE 2 . The plot ( ? ) in this film is pure , unimaginative and uninspired trash and the title is also completely meaningless . There is NO rush hour and just because Jun Tao's sidekick says that it's rush hour in a very short scene ( even when there's no traffic ) there is no reason for this film to have such a useless name . The writers ( did this have any ) didn't care much about naming there baby . I would need 10 hands to count the amount of movies that I have seen that end with the bad guy's suitcase full of money ( highly clichéd ) raining down on the hero . The action is clumsy and badly handled . Even Chan's acrobatics lack the edge they have in his Cantonese movies . This may have been a cool movie if John Woo had directed it and dragged it out of the gutter but Brett Ratner cannot direct even traffic . Especially at rush hour . |
563,940 | 102,816 | 433,601 | 1 | What , in the eternal majesty of God's wonder , is this ? ? ? | A ' fun ' arcade game it may well have been in it's day , but one cannot play Moonwalker today without feeling dirty or somewhat guilty . Based on the ' movie ' of the same name , Moonwalker is just as weird , bizarre and outrageously self-glorifying as Wacko Jacko himself . You take on the role of a suspected pedo , dressed in a white gangster suit , who must rescue children ( hidden in closets , drawers , garbage cans ) from the evil Mr . Big . Upon being rescued these kids respond joyously with ' MICHAEL ' , knowing that they are now safe with the King of Pop . You need to rescue all the little sprogs in every level before you meet the end-level boss . But some children are too well hidden . And who IS this Mr . Big exactly . The Jacko of 1989 fighting against a child-napper , who's motives for stealing kids is unknown in the game , seems prophetic in a split-personality kind of way . Just like in Thriller where he played a ghoulish , inhuman beast , eerily foreshadowing the future . The gameplay itself is ludicrous . As you ( moon ) walk across the various levels ( some generic , some inspired by his ' classic ' music videos ) you'll encounter baddies like gangsters and zombies and your amazing way of killing them is . . . dancing them do death . Seriously ! It's not Jesus Juice , it's Jacko Jamming ! You hit the special attack button and Jacko will suddenly yell ' OW ! ' before strutting his lethal stuff . After which , the baddies will be vanquished somehow . After playing this game you'll be exhilarated and mentally exhausted at Jacko's killer moves . You'll be reduced to a dribbling wreck . He's so good , that even passing-by animals will join in and shake their asses . If you ever wanted to play a game in which even an innocent dog is hypnotised by Jacko into dancing Thriller then this is for you . But I don't want to know you . The music is no more than low-quality samples of Smooth Criminal and Thriller , as you should know this music follows Jacko everywhere he goes in real life and will change depending on where he is . In the later levels , if you catch a falling star Jacko will turn into a huge robot . Of course . Like in the film , I just can't get over the feeling that Jacko only included this because he wants to see himself 100 feet high . It's ridiculous and has nothing to do with anything ! But in a moronic , hopelessly out-dated video game I suppose it's okay . It was kind of easy to finish too and I never really played it again afterwards . But these days , it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and I can understand why no one would want to play it again . Graphics C Sound C Gameplay D Lasting Appeal |
563,929 | 102,816 | 189,071 | 1 | Worst Scooby Doo ever . | Eesh ! What is this supposed to be ? Shaggy and Scooby's solo outings usually make for good movies . But Ghoul School comes nowhere near the surprisingly good Boo Brothers or Reluctant Werewolf and is so far behind modern Scooby Doo animation . It really is the cheapest , shoddiest Scooby effort I've ever seen . There isn't even a mystery , thus explaining the lack of the Mystery Machine ( an ugly red van is the replacement ) . So why on earth they bothered to make this a Scooby Doo movie is puzzling if they weren't deliberately exploiting a popular character . It's just all wrong ! Shaggy gets a job in an all-girl ( actually Ghoul ) school teaching Phys . Ed . I'm sorry but when did Shaggy become a qualified Gym Teacher ? There's some pointless story involving a volleyball competition with a Military School next door that isn't good enough to distract from the bore and then after that some old hag called Revolta turns up and turns them all into zombies . Uh . . . yeah . Shaggy obviously saves the day but by this point I had dozed off . It bored me to sleep ! The 1 . 33 : 1 full frame picture shows how cruddy the animation is and the sound is plain old mono . Aside from the usual ' how to draw ' extras this DVD also features a trailer that cheekily uses lots of footage of modern Scooby animation and mixes it with Ghoul School to make it look new . I wasn't fooled . Don't buy this . Rent it for the kids if there is really nothing else . |
564,622 | 102,816 | 95,271 | 1 | Shockingly bad ! | It's frightening to think that if this movie was never made we would never have been subjected to the dreck that is Halloween 5 , 6 , 7 and 8 . And the double shame is that even tho the story here is silly it is at least interesting . The continuation of this was the only decent thing about Halloween 5 and it may well have been good in 6 too but that movie all rearranged and jumbled before it hit out screens . So what we have here is a collection of dull murders with bad story continuity . H20 and Resurrection pretended that 4 , 5 and 6 never happened . There is no REAL backbone or history to this series . All they represent is a producer who asks us to pay money for the same thing over and over . We cannot use photocopied money to pay for our tickets at the box office so the movie-makers owe us something new . And in Halloween 4 we don't get it . In fact I'm sure that to the untrained eye Halloween 4 and 5 could very well be the same movie . And it is SO slow ! Nothing really happens for about 70 minutes worth of the movies 88 minute running time . It leaves you begging for a Jason Voorhees style mass murder spree . That does not happen I'm sorry to say . The movie cuts away at the point of every death and when it doesn't the deaths are dull and boring . A man is thrown onto an electrical power grid and . . . sparks fly . That's it ? How about his face melting or at least getting set on fire ? Plus the body count is shockingly low . What is up with the thumb thru the head ? Not only is it badly shot , too quick and just plain puzzling ( surely a quick neck snap would be easier and nastier ) the physical possibilities of it match hammering a tack into a concrete slab . It just can't happen . I don't care how superhuman Michael Myers unexplained powers are . The whole ' motiveless psycho ' may have worked well in Carpenter's original but here it's asking for money for old rope . Carpenter used it to great effect and scriptwriter Alan B . McElroy ( responsible for some awesome Spawn episodes ) uses it as an excuse for lazy , unimaginative writing . Tho he has the scriptwriters strike to blame as he beat the deadline by mere hours . But even a few hours worth more imagination could have made this the tiniest bit better . There's just not much for Myers to do . He comes out of a coma , goes back to Haddonfield and kills . For no reason . There are no sets other than houses and no opportunity for big excitement or set-pieces . I'm sorry but the ' famous ' rooftop scene is boring , badly rehearsed and badly shot . Director Dwight H . Little ( Marked For Death , Murder at 1600 ) even throws in a 10 second scene in an Elementary school for no reason . Plus the only shot of Michael in this shows him with WHITE hair on his mask . A pretty big goof , lookout for it . Out of all the lessons in how to make an effective horror film that were were taught in the first film none of them are really echoed here . Slasher flicks by their very nature are low brow but Carpenter had a simplistic purity and charm that made it work . Plus he filmed the movie in Panavision which instantly gives it some class . Plus he used the widescreen framing well . Dwight H . Little seems oblivious to this and instead uses standard 1 . 85 : 1 widescreen with no particular flare . And I must mention the very poor dialogue . It offers no insight into the lives of the teenagers in the story or provides them with extra character . Why are we supposed to care when they get killed . It's obvious from the beginning that they are nothing but fodder for Michael Myers . And it's a crime that when they die it's not even graphic or ugly in the slightest . Just boring and badly shot . It's not a horror film because nothing horrifies or upsets other than paying money to see it . Stay well away . Go watch a Friday the 13th movie and see the J-Man do his thing . Anchor Bay presents this DVD in 1 . 85 : 1 anamorphic widescreen . The print is grainy and rather dirty . Nothing of reference quality . Sorry . There soundtrack has been remastered in Dolby Digital 5 . 1 from the original Ultra Stereo tracks . It's good enough . One hardly expects a sophisticated soundtrack from a film of this nature . In fact I prefer it to the obnoxiously loud sound designs of more recent slasher flicks . A 16 minute documentary , offering new interesting insight to the movie , is included . The participants don't have much to say and seem to regard the film in a higher manner than it deserves . An original theatrical poster replica poses as the cover on a ' 4-page booklet ' ( wow-1 sheet of paper ) containing some more info about the movie . The DVD itself comes in one of those beautiful Limited Edition Tins . My copy is number 05 , , 000 . |
563,770 | 102,816 | 316,698 | 1 | Crap sequel , makes no sense . Get the Japanese version ! | Ever since SOR 3 came out in 1994 I wanted it . I never actually managed to get my hands on it until last year as it went for insane prices on auction sites and was very , VERY hard to come by in video game stores . Luckily for me I was given it as a present from someone clearing out their attic . I couldn't wait to get home and play it . All I could think about was loads of hours of solid beat-em-up action and a return of those ultra-cool tunes by Yuzo Koshiro that made the first 2 games so memorable . As soon as I started to play I was shocked that Streets of Rage is actually a really , really bad game that may be impressive in terms of graphics but in regards to music and gameplay is far , far behind even the first . First of all the game is just too damn hard . And you need to play it in hard mode otherwise you won't be able to get past level 5 . And this time we're given a little bit more story and cut-scenes between the game levels . If you're playing the American or European release of this game I'd just skip these as they do not make sense and there are holes everywhere . The Japanese version ( Bare Knuckle 3 ) has a different plot entirely and looks and feels like the REAL Streets of Rage 3 . In SOR 3 the story has Mr . X , in what limited capacity he now exists in , kidnap the Chief of Police and plant bombs all over city . He wants to replace high-ranking officials with evil robots . Or something ! So , typically , the gang set about smashing the Syndicate AGAIN as their way of stopping him . However , in Bare Knuckle 3 the opening cut-scenes with the nuclear explosion show the destruction of a city called ' Wood Oak ' that was the first victim of a radioactive bomb powered by the newly discovered element 122 , Laxine . The victims are given as an estimated 30 , 000 dead and 80 , 000 injured . In a letter from Blaze to Axel she says that the Syndicate's laboratories seem to be involved in the research of Laxine and that a group in favor of a war with the country of Lima have captured the army general Petrov . Mr . X tries to start a nuclear war by replacing the anti-war U . S . General with Shiva before a speech at the White House . In SOR 3 ' City Hall ' looks suspiciously like the White House so I'm led to believe that the level was just recycled and renamed . In Bare Knuckle 3 you have to successfully prevent a devastating war by rescuing the general and the destruction in the city is just a slap in the face , while in SOR3 you basically have failed your task if you let the time run out ( the General , now ' Chief of Police ' is killed with poisonous gas ) . If you rescue the Chief in time you go straight to Mr . X's island lab , but if he dies you go to City Hall / White House . Second , Yuzo Koshiro's music is HORRIBLE . What happened ? The first 2 games had awesome music that showed what the meagre Sega Genesis was capable of . The man was truly a pioneer when it came to composing stunning music for simple machines . In SOR 3 there are no cool tunes at all . It's all pathetic , tepid Industrial junk that would sound rancid coming from an Atari . A MAJOR let-down . SOR 3 also has deleted characters that feature only in the Japanese version . Namely the character of ' Ash ' who looks very , very homosexual and resembles Bennett from Commando or one of The Village People . I guess the PC Powers That Be thought the Western World couldn't handle such obvious gayness . The dialogue is also censored and ' naughty ' words are replaced with ' clean ' words . Character names are also radically and inexplicably different . If you want this badly then the Japanese version is the ONLY way to go . Seriously , it's a complete disappointment otherwise . I'm not saying that the Japanese version is great , it's only slightly better . |
563,938 | 102,816 | 440,272 | 1 | Crap | What a horrible game ! I would describe Dick Tracy as a run-and-gun platformer but that would kind of a lie as it is horrible slow and plodding with no sense of excitement at all . It's one of those horrible games where that generic baddies shoot at you and you see this little white dot that is supposed to be a bullet move across the screen very slowly . In real life it would easy to dodge but the little Dick Tracy sprite moves likes he's stuck in cement . There are some levels where you shoot the place up but you can do very little damage and since nothing becomes of it other than the background changing slightly , it's kinda pointless . The music is awful too . Who makes these awful tunes ? The graphics do resemble the bright primary colors of the comic-strip though and it's pretty much the only positive thing I can say about this otherwise completely disposable game . Graphics Sound Gameplay Lasting Appeal |
564,356 | 102,816 | 120,694 | 1 | Tedious | Why on earth was this film made ? It has NOTHING to do with the last 5 Halloween movies and is NOT scary or frightening or worth any attention . Well , maybe that's a lie . Michelle Williams is worth attention and is the only reason for watching this piece of cp . But it's not like she's in it much . The film is only 84 minutes long and has about 5 scenes . I don't even consider this to be an official Halloween movie . It was only made to cash in on the ' Scream ' craze of teenagers being staked by a masked killer . Seeing as how Halloween was the very first Slasher flick I guess Miramax thought that this would be the Zenith of the craze . How wrong they were . All deaths are pointless and meaningless and Jamie-Lee's attempt at being a Ripley-like chick with balls doesn't work . Plain and simple . File this movie under bad . Really , really bad . Jason Voorhees , come back , all is forgiven . |
564,752 | 102,816 | 478,182 | 1 | Bo-oring ! | Back in 1993 Sega released a dull , lackluster video game of one of the biggest films of all time . Quickly realizing their mistake they hashed out a different version of the game , claiming it would be bigger , tougher and better . Neither were . Both were slow , boring games . You can choose to be either Dr . Alan Grant or . . . a Raptor . Both have their problems . Why would Dr . Grant go around killing all those army guys ( just what are they doing in the game ) ? And why a Raptor be killing other Raptors ? Weird . Obviously not learning from their first mistake Sega really dropped the ball on the original release and the so-called Rampage Edition . One of the slowest , sluggish and dullest platformers I have ever played . |
564,459 | 102,816 | 348,150 | 1 | Worst film of Summer 2006 | In a summer that also boasted such repugnant stinkers as Snakes on a Plane and The Da Vinci Code , that's a pretty bold statement . But I stand by it nonetheless . Superman Returns , like King Kong 6 months before it , is overlong , hyper-indulgent and with CGI up to the eyeballs . My God , this stuff is doing my head in . Richard Donner had the idea of ' keep it real ' for his 2 outings . And I do find his approach to the special and optical effects to be the most appropriate . Brian Singer bombards us with so much CGI that it really takes you out of the story and constantly reminds you that you are watching a wannabe blockbuster that thinks that the only way to impress an audience is to spend $250 million ( a totally irresponsible amount of money ) on obnoxious visual effects that don't live up to the hype . We've seen everything and been everywhere that CGI can take us . There's no real atmosphere or involvement in this . And for a film that is 95 % made up of this crap . . . well you figure it out . I've read so many reviews from fanboy critics about how the movie has ' soul ' or ' a human heart ' or ' tender character moments ' . Puh-lease ! We've already had brooding superheros silently screaming ' you'd love me if you knew who I am ' dozens of times already in recent years and SR offers absolutely NOTHING new in this regard . Even the plot is recycled garbage . Lex Luthor ( a seriously mis-cast and hammy Kevin Spacey ) plotting to destroy the landmass of America was done in the first film already ! And , well . . . that's your lot ! It's amazing that they managed to draw out this junk to 2 . 5 painful hours ! Even if the cast were likable it would make it less unbearable . But Brandon Routh has the on screen personality of a mahogany hat-stand , Kate Bosworth is completely unconvincing as a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist , James Marsden is 250 % wooden , as usual and Kevin Spacey really needs to either fire his agent or acquire some better judgement . The only cast member I liked was the lovely Parker Posey . But I'm into weird-looking girls . Every year films like this get bigger and more bombastic . Pretty soon we'll have $300 million films . Studios need to realise that maybe they should start looking down instead of looking up . For all the money that Warner spent on this pile of crap , for all the resources that this movie cost to make . . . was it worth it ? In my opinion , certainly not ! This garbage has put me of Superman for life ! |
564,014 | 102,816 | 72,271 | 1 | Amazingly bad ! | ( There may be some spoilers here so beware . ) Honestly , I thought it was a joke . I really didn't think this was seriously the movie everyone raved about . It's TERRIBLE ! I mean it's really , REALLY bad . How on earth ANYBODY could enjoy this film is far beyond my vast , vast , incredibly vast understanding . It so bad you cannot even laugh AT it . First of all the film's so called ' gritty ' look is , plain and simple , the result of the shoddiest photography this side of 70's [ adult films ] . The framing is horrifically composed and makes a drunken wedding video look like Laurence of Arabia . The sound is inaudible and the dialogue , worthless as it is , is nothing more than mumbles . As the ' story ' develops so does the incomprehension . Mid-way through you'll tell yourself ' This cannot become anymore senseless . ' Well it does . By the end you'll be completely lost and then . . . it's over . Just like that . I was assuming there was half an hour left but it just ends without resolving anything or giving us the payoff we deserve . What a rip-off ! There is also ZERO suspense . Characters are killed almost right away leaving no room for excitement . Plus there is only ONE massacre with a chainsaw and you don't even see anything and it mostly occurs off camera . The final chase with the one character that actually gets some interaction with the bad guy is obviously the best bit of the movie but by this point I just wanted it to be over . I've no idea why so many people say this is a great movie or call it ' horror with a dark comic edge ' . It's nothing of the sort . It's an embarrassingly amateur schlockfest that Ed Wood himself would disown . Check out the 2003 remake which is a zillion times the movie this dreadful nonsense is . Do not come within a mile of this ! You have been warned . |
564,142 | 102,816 | 290,747 | 1 | Mind-numbingly awful ! | I will not spend too long reviewing this turd as I am still very annoyed that I spend 90 minutes of my precious time watching it . Instead I will simply say that Man-Thing is not only the worst comic-book movie ever made , but it is also one of the worst films ever made ever . I cannot believe that utter trash like this comes to DVD but Howard the Duck does not . Set in the Deep South but filmed in Austrailia with Ozzie soap actors ( who are so expressionless and wooden you can almost see the sawdust flaking off them ) the film is an hour and a half of the most mundane , generic blandness you could ever imagine . Almost nothing happens as characters sleepwalk from scene to scene , all being pointlessly killed by a pointless monster . Brett ( I've never directed a good film in my life ) Leonard shoots the film like a TV movie with either a green filter or an orange filter over the lens ( oooh . . . how atmospheric ) as his only means of ' sophistication ' . The man began life with The Lawnmower man , so he didn't really have so far to fall before making this pile of crap . My God , it's just so bad . Never waste time or money on this . I beg you ! |
564,279 | 102,816 | 294,537 | 1 | What the . . . ? ? ? | As a huge fan of the original arcade game I was astounded at how awful ( and weird ) this threequel . The gameplay is non-existent . For a side-scrolling beat-'em-up this fails to be engaging on every level ( pun intended ) . There is NO skill involved in any of it . Most punches and kicks fail to connect , none of the enemies differentiate from each other and it's too slow and sluggish . In fact it's a lot like the terrible Double Dragon game on the Commodore 64 . A game so bad it's been the butt of many thousands of jokes since I first got it FOURTEEN YEARS AGO ! I just don't understand what's going on in this game . Who is the creepy little E . T . guy ? Why do big hands and cubes of non-moving / threatening concrete ( ! ) come out the ground to kill you ? What's the deal with the headless ninja corpses that turn into tree trunks when you kill them ? I kid you not , this game is one of the most baffling artifacts in the whole universe . Forget the Turin Shroud . If you like the genre play the Streets of Rage games and forget this travesty . It's amazing games this bad are made . |
563,983 | 102,816 | 97,474 | 1 | Horrible film with terrible acting | Never before have a seen a film that has been RUINED so much by the AWFUL teenagers ( ? ) on display . They have nothing to do with the plot and contribute nothing to the film . All they do is run around throwing up appalling dialogue , most of which is shockingly bad ADR . There is a massive scene in a barn , which has nothing to do with anything , and is really only there to pad the film . They ruin the entire movie and I was VERY disappointed . The scenes with Michael Myers ( now played by Don Shanks instead of George P . Wilbur ) , Doctor Loomis and Jamie are the only reason I didn't eject this film . They are the saving grace of this movie . But , unfortunately , all the grace in the Universe cannot make us forgive this film for having such POINTLESS and MEANINGLESS characters who turn it from almost a ' psychological horror ' to a ' sub-standard cliché ' . It's a shame . Halloween 4 , 5 and 6 started an ongoing plot line that was ignored in the abysmal Halloween H20 and it was also cut to shreds in the severely edited and re-arranged Halloween 6 : The Curse of Michael Myers . The fact that 4 , 5 and 6 could have been very good makes this film worthy of attention . The fact that 4 , 5 and 6 suck is the fault of the creators . |
564,594 | 102,816 | 308,208 | 1 | Worst film I will EVER see . | I can't understand why this film was made . It's so appalling and so bad that someone involved in the production must have noticed something . Everything in every area of filmmaking is wrong with Ballistic : Ecks vs Sever . Even the title as Banderas and Liu are not in competition with each other . Here's the plot . Oh , wait a minute , I can't tell you what the plot is because it doesn't exist . It just a massive load of old cobblers . And what's even worse is that the nonexistent plot is full of holes . Make sense ? No didn't think so . It's not even worth watching to see what I mean . The dialogue is the truly worst ever . At least the bad dialogue in movies such as Dolemite is eternally quotable . Ray Park's ' acting ' makes Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal on their worst day look like Laurence Olivier . The ' action ' is so basic it feels like a made for video production , it lacks anything resembling sophistication and excitement . I'm surprised Alan B . McElroy wrote this . He's done some good stuff ( Wrong Turn , Spawn Animated Series ) but this must have been something he wrote without much inspiration . Every writer comes up with a turkey but WHAT a turkey this is . Still , a bad script can sometimes make for a good movie if the delivery and direction has skill behind it . that ain't the case here . Positive energy does not surround this film ! The DVD is in Dolby 5 . 1 and 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen . |
563,861 | 102,816 | 358,349 | 1 | Pointless potboiler | Agent Cody Banks 2 is , with no doubt , the most useless , redundant and unasked-for sequel since WWII . No one wanted a sequel and the only reason it exists is to cash in on the modest , modest , incredibly modest ' success ' of the original . The plan didn't work as this quite deservedly bombed horribly . Even in the 2-second gap between this and the first Frankie Munitz hasn't aged well . And he's quite aggravating . Hilary Duff wisely bailed out and her character is replaced by some untalented non-celeb former pop-babe . Another sign of desperation is the casting of Anthony Anderson ( who SERIOUSLY doesn't belong in this ) , a talented funnyman who is increasingly finding himself the ONLY funny thing and a series of bad movies . Plus it's one of those typically xenophobic movies under the wild belief that everyone in Britain rides around on red buses , has tea with the queen every night and is either very posh or cockney . I'm sorry , but I have been on the London Eye and I KNOW the recorded female voice does not sound like that . They changed in the movie to sound ' posher ' . Unbelievable ! This is one ' franchise ' that has died a quick , but painful death . |
564,274 | 102,816 | 483,987 | 1 | This is such a horrible game ! | Ugh ! I remember seeing a review for this game in the old ' Mega ' magazine from Future Publishing back in 1993 . They gave it a bad review but I was still keen to play it as I like most Bond movies and the graphics looked bright and colorful . Well , it took me 12 years to get the game for a decent price ( that would be 99p instead of £39 : 99 ) and I must tell you right now that the game IS rancid and I can't believe that rotten junk like this used to sell for such a high RRP . The story involves Bond running all over an island complex defusing bombs and rescuing generic blonde bimbos ( Bond girls ? ) and shooting at generic villains . It's extremely dull . And what makes it worse is that the music is also downright horrible , the sound effects are laughable ( checkout the sound of ' going downstairs footsteps ) and the controls are stiff , slow and sluggish . Which is pretty much the kiss of death for an action game that relies on quick reflexes . The levels are also poorly designed . Yes , it's a platformer , but you never know which platforms you can stand on and which you'll just fall through . It's so annoying and will cost you many lives . Plus , some things you can walk through , while others are impenetrable . Each level is a maze without meaning to be . And since the game is so very , very slow , making your way through them becomes a long and arduous task . Never buy this game for any reason . Stay well away from it . It sucks so bad . Graphics C Sound F Gameplay F Lasting Appeal |
563,894 | 102,816 | 483,986 | 1 | Ew ! | This is the worst game . I guess the first Galaxy Force game was so good it warranted a sequel . I'm not kidding when I say I made games better than this in 10 minutes on my old Commodore 64 . I just unearthed this rubbish today after doing a little spring cleaning . I remembered it being trash but just needed to play it a little to jog my memory as to why . Basically , all you do in this game is fly thru a ' 3-dimensional ' generic space level shooting things . You never miss . Even if you are in the top right or bottom left firing in the wrong direction , whatever boring weapon you have will eventually kill the non-threatening baddies . There's no story , just shooting . And the graphics are horrible . On the first level when you ' penetrate the enemy fortress ' the worst graphics ever make an appearance . Ugh ! It was horrid . To think that the RRP of this game was £39 . 99 when it was first released . I'm glad I never bought it . It just sort of appeared in my house . Trust me , it really is rank ! The arcade version may well have been good but the Sega Genesis version has it's own spot in hell . |
564,305 | 102,816 | 169,547 | 1 | Can anyone say " Rip off " ? | Take two infinitely more superior films called " The Ice Storm " and " Happiness " and mix them together in a bowl . Add a touch . Just a touch of Alan Ball's imagination and you have " American Beauty " . The most over-hyped and over-praised film I've seen in my life . In one measly little sentence . . . this film is NOT new . I've seen it all before and better in the aforementioned films . While I do think that the cinematography and color design was the best thing about the film the absolute worst was the rest . There is not any film out there that can be as pompous and self-serving as this garbage . It may be well cast and the actors my ravage their roles with unholy relish but it just isn't new . It's been done already . I rank this with " The Insider " as one of those movie people only see the good side of and give good reviews to without realising they have been brainwashed by other peoples opinions before seeing it . If this is not the case they only give it a decent review out of respect to the filmakers / actors previous work . I'm not kidding . For both of these movies this is the conclusion I reached after pooling many peoples opinions . " American Beauty " is VERY , VERY overhyped and NOT original . See it and make up your own mind . Don't listen to anyone elses voice but your own . If you still like it then I still respect you . |
563,968 | 102,816 | 450,955 | 1 | Appalling in every way ! | This is pretty much the worst and most over-hyped game of 2005 and made a lot of ' bottom 10 ' lists in many magazines last month . And it bloody deserves it . The problems with this game begin before you even lift it off the shelf in the store . I mean take a look at the cover . It's 50 Cent , one of the few African American ' role models ' around these days , in a defencive pose with a stereotypical ' angry black guy ' look on his face ( oh , please don't hurt me Mr . Cent ! ) . Now I am not a fuddy-duddy conservative who blames people like Marilyn Manson for corrupting kids or whatever because I know kids are more intelligent than adults give them credit for . But America is a very racist country and when 50 Cent misrepresents the Black Community and backs up the xenophobic myth that all Black people are evil or killers or gang-bangers in some way I can't help but get very annoyed . Second of all is the fact that this drivel game is no more than a laughable male fantasy . Yes , I know Mr . Cent has been shot 9 times but it was all at once with low calibre bullets . It's not as if he goes out and gets shot at every day and is immune to all lead fired in the direction of his person . I know 50 Cent has had a really , REALLY , RE-EALLY tough life , that I would not wish upon anyone . But when violence and death have haunted you your whole life the LAST thing you should do is capitalise on a game that glorifies gun-play and gang warfare . That's just disgusting and perverse and if Mr . Cent truly ' kept it real ' ( what a ridiculous , meaningless phrase ) he would treat his demons with respect . Using music as a way of working through them is fine but starring in a video game where the main enjoyment comes from blowing people away certainly is NOT . As I have said , there are few African American role models and he should set an example to those following behind him . While his innovative music may have made him a huge success this game smashes any credibility I feel he may have had . Third ? Well the story to the game is childish and stupid anyway . It's not even entertaining accidentally as it's just way too dull . And fourth ? Well don't get me started on the horrible targeting system and awful controls . It'll make you want to smash your control pad into your TV screen . What a horribly cheaply programmed game ! Fifth ? Well , that would have to be the bland , graphics and tedious environments . It all adds up to a pretty ( read VERY ) unsatisfying experience . Mere days after being released most stores had zillions of copies traded in as those foolish enough to buy it blind quickly discovered what a rotten game it is as well as a hideously over-indulgent and grossly misjudged vanity piece . BEWARE ! ! ! Graphics C Sound Gameplay Lasting Appeal |
563,901 | 102,816 | 56,937 | 1 | Wretched | And headache inducing . This has got to be one of the biggest shambles ever made . Everything from the clunky sets , the awful and tuneless musical score , to the campy acting mixed in with a heavy dose of self-importance adds up to a total waste of 4 hours ( ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ) . Please do not waste your whole afternoon ( usually Sundays ) watching this on TV . Come 8 o'clock you'll regret that you wasted the weekend . It's the kind of film your grandmother would insist on watching only because it's old and therefor must be better than all the modern stuff she has grown distant from . I really must stress again this is a pile of crap . |
563,874 | 102,816 | 464,195 | 1 | Very odd and not very enjoyable beat-em-up . | I played this in the arcade while on holiday with my girlfriend . Neither of us were very impressed by the disorientating style of the game which just crammed in too many ideas at once and ended up a confusing mess . Much like Double Dragon 3 . You can play as either a Ninja or Cowboy ( of course the 2 go together after all ! ) and fight your way through many levels such as war torn cities , deserts and floating castles and flying ships , beating up Nazis , Monks , huge dragons , giant zombie skeletons and those guys with baskets on their heads ( like in Big Trouble in Little China ) . You can also turn into various animals and . . . aw hell with it . I cannot explain this game in any sense-making way because the game itself didn't make sense . It was very weird and not that much fun to play . Once we kicked in the head of the final bad guy we were just glad that this curious oddity was over and that we didn't have to suffer it's strangeness anymore . |
564,170 | 102,816 | 468,483 | 1 | The most rancid game ever | Eternal , unending shame on the people who made this game . Jim Davis ought to be more careful when licensing out his most famous creation . It might make him a bit of money but fans deserve more . This Garfield game has the fat cat left alone in the house and having to clean up a huge mess . It sounds simple and childish and kinda like a game a little kid would play , but it stinks to high heaven . Do not buy this game for your kids , it will torment them into really bad moods and end with smashed monitors . First of all the voice-acting is terrible . Whoever this guy is voicing Garfield he ain't nuthin ' like Lorenzo Music . The pathetic graphics are disgusting . The controls and mucked up and constantly reverse themselves for no reason , causing you to run around in circles . The gameplay is the poorest I've ever come across and there are flaws up the wazoo . It would be criminal to own this game , never mind paying for it . Stay a hundred miles away from this game at all times . Graphics F Sound F Gameplay F Lasting Appeal |
564,276 | 102,816 | 282,209 | 1 | Unforgivable | It's just bad , bad , bad in every area . There's no irony , wit , intelligence or an iota of dread in all of the overlong 90 minutes . Why is the town called ' Darkness Falls ' ? Because the founders wanted a horror movie to be made there in the future ? It's supposed to be a reference to Matilda Dixon being afraid of the light ( Gremlins anyone ? ? ? ) but it's lost on me . More questions . Were there any other children killed by Matilda or was it just Kyle's mother and like . . . no one else ? Some legend ! And if other people were killed by her ( presumably a LOT ) then how come no one noticed or investigated . . . like the FBI ? ? ? Why would a woman who liked children suddenly kill them ? Surely it would be a better idea to kill the people who wrongfully executed her . More problems I have with this movie begin with the fact that almost every actor is miscast in regards to the age of the character . It's very off-putting . None of the characters use the slightest bit of common-sense or make even the slightest decision ( until the last second of course , it makes it more ' suspenseful ' ) and the dialogue is below adequate . The ' dark ' look to the film feels pretty clichéd and it's mostly just uninspired photography in the most generic of sets . Hardly anything unique . All this movie represents is a recycling of tired clichés and stereotypes and a by-the-numbers , unexciting story . Skip it . |
564,294 | 102,816 | 194,622 | 1 | Words cannot describe how bad it is . | RoboCop was an awesome movie and could have been a great franchise . I mean this was an R-rated film and loads of parents let their kids see it . Even though it had limbs getting blown off , melting men , buckets of gore and satire that would , no doubt , go right over the heads of kids , it was still yapped about in every playground . I was one of them . Yes , the violence was the main thing that attracted me to RoboCop . But I knew the difference between fiction and real life , I could tell that the film wasn't meant to be taken too seriously and , to tell the truth , upon repeat viewings I was more interested in RoboCop's tragic afterlife / rebirth than anything else . But someone , somewhere thought that castrating Robo of all that was unique to him and selling it off direct to the kiddies was a good idea . It certainly was not . Movies can often make great kid's shows ( The Real Ghostbusters , Batman ) but not when it means compromising everything that made it so good in the first place . Making a kid's of RoboCop is just as moronic as making a kid's show of Freddy Krueger . And how the hell can Clarence Boddicker be in it if he died in the movie ? Remember that massive gun of Robo's ? Well when he shoots it in this cartoon there is no entry or exit wound , no blood and the baddies fall down and die anyway . Then , a few seconds later , they are alright and alive as Robo arrests them . What ? ? ? I may have been a child but I wasn't stupid ! And why is it now some kind of laser gun ? And if it blows holes in walls and doors and other giant robots ( every other episode would feature a giant robot ) then why would it not blow apart a human ? The main focus of every episode was to have contrived , annoying characters who serve no purpose other than to make poor stories happen ( Lt . Hedgecock especially ) spout appalling dialogue and constantly put the man in the can down by calling him loads of silly names , like ' that bucket of bolts ' , ' that rustbucket ' , ' that tin can ' , ' that ( fill-in-the-blank but use either rust or bolts or bucket or can ) ' . I know characters need adversaries or obstacles . But this was pathetic . No kid liked this show . It insulted their intelligence and embarrassed a great movie . Forget that it exists . Even if they kept the main RoboCop theme or maintained the political subplots ( yes , a child CAN understand this ) it could have been bearable . Sadly , as it is , it's unbearable . |
564,721 | 102,816 | 140,352 | 1 | Crap ! | At the beginning of this year something was seriously wrong with the majority of reviewers in the world . For some strange and obscure reason they all gave top marks to junk like this , American Beauty and Being John Malkovich . Although I understand why they did this for the latter there is no excuse and no denying that The Insider is quite possibly the most over-rated and over-hyped film ever that was unfortunate enough to be seen only by totally biased audience . Except me of course . The story is about Jeff Wigand , who is fired from his job at a tobacco company and wants to do an interview with 60 Minutes producer Lowell Bergman . At first he does not want to do it but thanks to pressure increasingly mounted on him he decides to do it out of spite and retaliation it seems . You see the tobacco companies do not want Wigand to let the whole world know that cigarettes are addictive . But everyone knows that anyway so what's the big deal ? It's hardly big screen material . It may make an 85-minute long TV movie but it certainly cannot stretch over 2 and a half hours even with the talents of Al Pacino and Russell Crowe to support it . Let me just say that Heat was cool . Long , but still a very good film . I do admit that Michael Mann is a good director , but every director coughs up a severe dud once in a while . For Steven Spielberg there was Amistad and for Kubrick there was Eyes Wide Shut . Both of these films received excellent reviews for one reason only : the reputation of the director . This is why so many people lied to themselves that The Insider is a good film ( snigger ) . No way ! Out of sheer respect to Michael Mann the whole world has given false review of this film but I'm about to give you the truth . The rest of mankind has been so brainwashed that The Insider is Oscar-worthy so they might try to hurt me for telling you this , but because I'm such a humanitarian I'm willing to risk it . THE INSIDER IS GARBAGE ! There I said it . A Shocking amount of characters appear for a few seconds or maybe even longer and then disappear for the whole movie without them even being introduced to us or at least telling us their purpose to the story . This makes a series of confusing and drama-free events even more blurred and low in any kind of narrative . Mann also goes as far to not even give us reasons for events taking place . Like those men in black suits who just enter Jeff Wigand's ( Russell Crowe ) home and take his hard drive . Who were they ? Who sent them ? Why didn't Wigand do anything about it ? Like call the police or even tell Bergman ( Pacino ) . This scene is embarrassing to watch because Wigand is such a wimp . He does nothing ! If someone came into my home I wouldn't just let them take my computer without doing anything . The only thing that is decent in this travesty is Dante Spinoti's widescreen photography , which is stunning . The scene with Bergman knee-deep in the ocean is a great example of wonderful cinematography . But that isn't enough . Sadly The Insider is as bloated as it is self-important and boring as it is confusing . A huge big mess . At the end you feel so bum-numbed and exhilarated that you just want to lie down . Maybe some people confused this sensation as the result of seeing a good movie . Which it certainly is NOT ! Beware ! . Shawn Watson |
564,363 | 102,816 | 187,078 | 1 | Pathetic , bottom-feeding , lowest common denominator crap ! | Made back when PG-13 movies when making their descent in quality and their rise in abundance , GI60S is nothing but car pornography for gormless audiences who care not for story or character but are nonetheless fascinated by the flickering images and colors . There is nothing good about this film . Nothing . No redeeming qualities whatsoever . The story takes an age to get going and when it finally does it doesn't really amount to much . Instead of being a white-knuckle thrill-ride it is more a leaden-traffic jam . The story dies a long slow horrible death within 2 minutes and the rest of the movie is just us watching stay dead . It's not a pretty sight . Certainly not a sight you want waste money on this DVD for . There are about two chase scenes , tops . Are they are both SO BORING . There is a certain gimmick the director uses in these scenes ( no it's not the 4 million shots of Nic Cage's foot on the pedals ) . I'm talking about the cops , who have almost caught up with Cage , being cut off by a truck , bulldozer , jalopy etc . it happens so many times it is practically a joke that is funny only to Dominic Sena . And the editing throughout the entire movie ( as always in a Jerry Bruckhiemer production ) is like the film has been shredded and just thrown back together . You cannot make out a single thing . The whole experience is a blur . The plot of stealing cars is not entertaining . It is not cool , hip or streetwise . It is just boring . And apparently , in Long Beach California , if it's not Night it is always Sundown . I don't think that this is planetary possible but it happens in this movie nonetheless . Speed and steel do not make a good movie . Even the villain is SO unscary . And he's only in it for like a minute . No constant threat is made to Nic Cage . We begin to wonder why he is even bothering stealing these cars . Plus , this film marks one of his numerous terrible performances . Cage can be good when he wants to , but frequently , when starring in junk like this , he is on zombie auto-pilot . And people moan about Seagal having no acting talent ? Every cast member is wasted . The score is nothing but sound effects and noises with no real theme at all . The direction is pedestrian and the film as a whole is a waste of time and money . The Director's Cut DVD is not really true Director's Cut but the same film with 9 extra minutes of filler that was wisely left on the cutting-room floor first time around but has been chucked back into the film as a way of making you part with more of your cash . Don't do it . |
564,079 | 102,816 | 435,593 | 1 | A pathetic , pretentious , unbearable film ! | It's crud like this that gives foreign language films a bad reputation to the average moviegoer . I hated every intolerable minute of it and giving you a synopsis of the non-existent plot is only going to inflame me again but I'm bound to my word to review it . Jan ( a man more chin than head ) pisses off from his dingy German town for no given reason , leaving all his friends behind . They look for him but give up the chase when they come to the conclusion that he must be dead or something . Five years later he comes back for no reason to see how they've all changed . And that's your lot , mate ! Nothing else happens . They try to inject melodrama by having Jan turn up at awkward , strange moments to confront his former pals , but it feels quite contrived . The dialogue is almost entirely pointless . Nothing of any importance is said by any character and the only lines they manage to utter seem like stock samples that are only in there to prevent it from being a silent film . Well it ain't much of a goddamn ' talkie ' . The dialogue is usually of the following quality : ' Come with me . ' ' My fags are out on the balcony . ' ' I'm so glad you're back . ' ' That railroad is three degrees colder . ' What ? ? ? Did I just walk into an alternate universe where bullshit makes sense ? There are far too many characters introduced at once and none of them really look all that different so you'll lose track really easily , especially since none of them say or do anything other than look perpetually depressed . The only good thing I can mention about this truly rotten film is the skillful , if bleak , widescreen photography that briefly captures some moments of atmosphere that the film could really have used more of to prevent it from being the borefest that it is . It's too damn metaphysical and requires the audience to really read into the silences than listen to the conversation . I can do that , but not in a pretentious pile of crap such as this . None of the women were really that attractive either but I was so bored that I was praying for some kind of nude scene . The appearance of the end credits was like similar to that feeling after taking a really big dump . You feel hollow , dirty and worn-out , but at least it's over now ! |
564,600 | 102,816 | 286,716 | 1 | NOTHING to do with comic-book at all ! | I thought that first Spiderman movie was bad . I thought that Fantastic Four was worse ! Well , at least it wasn't an unfathomably long , catatonic snooze-fest . If loaded guns came with the price of admission , I guarantee most of the audience would have used them . They were literally falling asleep , wishing for it to be over . Or for at least SOMETHING , ANYTHING to happen . How can The Hulk be boring ? Ask Ang Lee . He's the one responsible for turning a dark and brooding comic-book into one of the biggest disappointments in a summer of big disappointments . Hell , even the TV series managed to portray Bruce ( or David - the network thought Bruce sounded too ' gay ' ) Banner as an isolated loner , who has no real place to call home , better than this . It totally disrespects the comic-book , on which it was based , and has mangled Hulk mythology to the point where the title and movie character are the only remotely familiar things . Any fan of The Incredible Hulk will know that current story lines are highly intelligent with deep character development . Nothing of that sort is present here . This would have been bearable if the dialogue , or characters , were good and the logic behind their actions intriguing . Eric Bana brings nothing to the title role . A better casting choice would have been Bruce Campbell , because Bana emotes zilch . Jennifer Connelly is useless . Nick Nolte isn't used enough . Sam Elliot , for once not playing a cowboy , has nothing to do , either . From a creative point of view , Ang Lee's wretched way of cutting scenes together with split screens , in an effort to mimic the comic-book , is disorientating . It appears that in researching the film , he read a couple of Sixties issues and got inspired . This cheapens and degrades the movie and insults the current style of the comic franchise . Even the photography is dull , with no thought put into composition . In fact , the only time the camera is considered is when the colour green makes a creative appearance . And why is it so tame ? The Hulk - called Mister Angry in the movie ! - spins a tank and chucks it across the desert . Anyone inside would have been crushed by the G-Force before the Hulk even let go . But what happens ? The guy inside climbs out , coughs and wipes the dust off ! What is this ? The A-Team ? This would never have happened in the comic-book . It gets even worse when Apache helicopters crash into the Grand Canyon without blowing up . Oh , and since when did the the green guy do that leaping through the air thing ? Leave The Hulk alone . He's angry . And you're not going to like him . |
564,344 | 102,816 | 437,481 | 1 | Horrid | I loved the first Sonic Adventure game ( Gamecube remake ) and I only expected this one to be as good , if not better . But , boy was I wrong . It's a truly horrible game that's scattered all over the place with no non-linear progression or free roaming abilities of the original . The graphics are ugly , the camera system is the worst I have ever come across and the levels are tiresome and repetitive . Where's the dynamic gameplay of the first game ? Or the cool mini-games that keep you coming back again and again ? It was just ugly and garish and far inferior to Sonic Adventure . Do not buy or rent . I can only hope and pray that Sonic Heros is better because I have already bought it . |
563,948 | 102,816 | 481,369 | 1 | What a bloody bore ! | Yet another example of a poor film boasting a good trailer . The Number 23 fails on almost every level . Joel Schumacher ( widely regarded as a hack with a few fluke hits ) just doesn't have the talent to take an already asinine story and make it into an entertaining film . None of this really is the fault of Jim Carrey . But if he wants to be taken seriously as a dramatic actor then he really ought to choose scripts better than this . I can't articulately describe to you just how stupid The Number 23 is . Normally I would say see it for yourself and find out . But , even at 98 minutes , this film felt like it would never end . Carrey is a dog-catcher who is given a raggedy book on his birthday called The Number 23 . A book which claims that this evil number rules the world and all the logic and circumstances within it . The main character of the book goes insane because 23 is everywhere . As you do . But Carrey recognizes his life in this book and is drawn into its stupidness . . . I mean its mystery . This thin , confusing , misjudged and flatly handled premise gives way to further plot developments , all narrated with heavy exposition by Carrey . And it's so , so boring . And once the plot twist finally comes it contradicts what has come before it and totally doesn't add up . You'll never see a film so desperate to be clever yet end up being so moronic . The one thing I liked about # 23 is that there is a nice , lonely atmosphere in the small town setting with weird perpetual sunset in all scenes . But it's still not enough to dig the rest of it out of the grave it's already made for itself and I'm afraid that is a perfectly justifiable rating . Carrey , I am disappointed . As much as I do like seeing you expand your range , this really was a poor choice . |
563,986 | 102,816 | 109,254 | 1 | Crap ! | And a monumental flop . Beverly Hills Cop 3 spent so much money and delivered practically nothing . We get a 1 . 85 : 1 screen , bland production design ( in a theme park ? ) and out of place action on the rides . It should have had a wider screen and more eye-pleasing backgrounds if it wants to look good on screen . But it never happened . The tone is very different to the previous 2 films and has some totally pointless action and a weak plot . Ronny Cox , John Ashton , Don Simpson , Jerry Bruckhiemer and Harold Faltermyer all bailed out of this film . Surely the director should have seen that as a sign . There isn't even a reason for Ronny Cox not being in this movie . At least they bothered to explain why John Ashton couldn't be bothered showing up ( apparently his character retired to Arizona to play golf ) . Judge Reinhold is wasted and is given NO funny lines . Eddie Murphy acts like he's in a Die Hard movie and how the other characters can't figure out who the bad guy is just by looking at him is insulting to the audience's attention . Millions of dollars were spent on this movie that came traipsing in 10 years after the original and 7 years after the sequel . I guess no one cared about Axel Foley anymore . As I have already said ? the film bombed big time . |
564,097 | 102,816 | 89,173 | 1 | Jason is Dead ! | But someone's doing a pretty lamentable impersonation of him in this dull sequel . Hell , the guy in the hockey mask isn't even truly revealed until the climax . Up until then it's just close ups of his feet and stuff like that . Plus everybody in this movie is killed and after about halfway thru you realize this so there is no more suspense . And some of these deaths even happen offscreen so there is just no point in them . And even more of the people killed have nothing to do with the killer's motive . So there's more pointless death for you . And what's with the ending ? I'm glad Paramount ditched any ideas associated with this movie and started afresh with Jason again in Part VI . Tho I am not glad at this DVD . Once again it has horrid cover art . No extras outside of a trailer and the movie itself is censored . There is so much unseen gore in the Friday the 13th series . And we will never get to see it if Paramount doesn't listen to the fans . Friday the 13th Part V is presented in muddy looking 1 . 78 : 1 anamorphic widescreen and thin , strident and brittle Mono sound . |
564,493 | 102,816 | 765,516 | 1 | Terrible , I want my money back ! | Lemme just say that I only got this DVD for Kitty , as it was her first anal scene and I think she's just adorable ! She has the perfect ass and I wanted to see her do something more dirty than the typical plain shagging she's done in her previous movies . Well , Ed Powers , who gets a load of her before the man doing the love-making enters , makes Ron Jeremy look like Orlando Bloom . That's all I'm saying there . And when the stud finally enters ( dressed like a Bandido , for some reason ) he does a truly awful sex scene as he has a MAJOR case of the flopsies and BARELY penetrates Kitty's wonderful ass at all . What a rip off ! The previous 3 girls before Kitty does this weak scene at the end of the DVD look like crack whores and I cannot see how anybody would find them a turn-on . Do not waste money on this DVD ! |
564,221 | 102,816 | 466,137 | 1 | If you think that this is a good game then you seriously need your head examined | I can honestly say I've yet to play a good Spider-Man game . For all the hype , good reviews and people willing to pay the big bucks over this one , I thought it was sure to be the best . How disappointed I was to discover it's one of the blandest and boring beat-em-ups ever . You begin playing as Spidey ( but can later change to Venom if you wish ) and you go about tiresome duties beating up generic thugs on the streets of Manhattan . Every thug looks the same and you'll end up punching to death the same guy a billion times ( more so for those infuriating end of level bosses ) . The crap music is the same on every level . Apparently the game has ' additional music ' by some band called Green Jelly , who I have never heard of . I assume they must be some none-hit wonder grunge band from Seattle back when all that was new . And quite what exactly they contributed to the game is a mystery as there are only 2 tracks in total ( level music and boss music ) . There is some plot going on but I couldn't follow it . The comic-book cut - scenes look terrible and the writing is too small to read . Plus the are very slow and add too much time between the boring levels . The controls and gameplay are dire . There's no fluent movement or grace in the fighting . It's all just an annoying mess and terribly programmed . If you can bear to stay with the game until level 2 you'll know what I mean . It was so rage-inducing I almost gritted my teeth into dust and chucked the controls into the TV . Stay well away from this horrible game . As a beat-em-up it stinks . As a Spidey game it stinks . It just plain reeks overall . Graphics C Sound D Gameplay D Lasting Appeal |
564,700 | 102,816 | 463,985 | 1 | Utterly worthless waste of time and money | TFATF is THE most pointless and artistically redundant franchise in history ! The first , which was a total piece of crap , gave way to a tepid , moronic sequel and now , after three years of peace and quiet we are punished with Tokyo Drift . The most American Japan you will ever see in a film ! Although there is even less of a story than the other two ( if that's possible ) it is still a carbon copy of its predecessors and offers absolutely nothing new . The characters are crap ! The action is lame , soulless , overcut and PG13-friendly and is obviously ' inspired ' by hours and hours of endless Playstation . The only reason I went to see this turkey is because I LOVE Japanese girls . But , like I said , this is the most American Japan you will ever see , so there is hardly any of them at all . And all Japanese girls are shot from behind so you can't actually see that they're Japanese . Whether or not this is because they are just LA girls masquerading as Japanese Girls or it's because Universal didn't want to alienate American audiences I don't know . But if you're expecting anything remotely resembling a culture clash then ditch that preconception . I guess that kind of thing would be too difficult for the writers of this trash to muster . And how the hell does hillbilly main character Sean Boswell master the Japanese language in a few days ? It's no secret that TFATF films operate on a declining scale . And , forgive me for sounding like a fuddy-duddy , I feel that they send the wrong message to the wrong generation . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . Speed gets you babes . The film is even less subtle than the above paragraph . Despite the disclaimer at the end , warning naive audience members of the dangers of such driving ( such people cannot read anyway and left as soon as the screen went black ) I must point out that too many impressionable kids forget this is just a stupid fantasy movie . A dumb disclaimer at the end isn't enough to dissuade them from trying all the crap that is featured in this movie . But that is to be expected from lowest - possible - common - denominator garbage . |
564,216 | 102,816 | 92,106 | 1 | I absolutely hated this ! | First of all I will admit that the level of animation is far , far superior to the frequently goof-ridden TV series and that Transformers : The Movie looks more like Akira or Ghost in the Shell than the show . It add a whole new level integrity to the Transformer's universe but it's a damn shame that the story had to be crap of the lowest order . I know that many people are going to hate for this and call me cynical but this is not a movie . It's an 85 minute toy commercial . Many of the Autobots and Decepticon's die ( including Starscream , thank God , he truly was irritating ) but are soon replaced by new characters . It's like Hasbro was subliminally telling kids to throw out the old toys and go buy new ones . Set in the unfathomably distant future of 2005 , when we'll be living on the moon and skating around on hover-boards , the gobbledygook plot involves a giant planet-eating robot planet ( umm . . . okay ? ) and his mission to destroy the ' Autobot Matrix of Leadership ' , which is obviously Optimus Prime . It begins with the Autobots and Decepticons doing their usual battle of blowing up each other's stuff but what is bugging is that in the show they never get hit or die if they do , but here loads of them are killed-off easily and without any particular attention . I know I complained that none ever die in the series before but when they are blown apart and fall down while barely getting a single line of dialogue it's kind of . . . disrespectful . And none of these new characters have the same appeal . Once Optimus Prime is dead the new leader , Ultra Magnus , doesn't yield his authority or leadership with any special flair . Megatron is left to die , while floating in the depths of space and is reconfigured / evolved by the robot planet ( who's name is Unicron btw ) into Galvatron . Who doesn't seem to be any kind of eviler , just a new toy . And the robot voiced by Judd Nelson ( his names escapes me at the moment ) is just another generic Autobot good guy . The Matrix of Leadership happens to be a glowing ball in Optimus Prime's chest and when Ultra Magnus get his hands on it the movie could have become a ' chase for the bland MacGuffin ' kind of story . But it continues to meander and go in eccentric / weird directions . The subplot involving the junk planet and the shark-bots and the judge and jury who execute robots for being guilty AND innocent is just baffling . What the hell is all that about ? And even worse is the guff with the dancing biker-type robots with the leader voiced by Eric Idle . I mean . . . what ? Either I accidentally took an acid and went on a weird trip last night or this film is just plain mince . The main thing that makes this film so inaccessible is the almost total exclusion of human characters . An older Spike is in it for a few seconds and his son Daniel has a bit of character development . But where is Sparkplug ? Where are any other humans ? About 2 minutes of it is set on earth and everything else , set in space , seems kind of alienating . I know we've seen the Transformers battle on Earth loads of times before in the TV show but this sudden switch of locale and whole new assortment of characters made it feel like something I had no familiarity with . I realise that the transition between seasons 2 and 3 had to be steep and drastic ( a 20 year story gap and loads of new toys . . . sorry characters ) but it needs more time to develop than this and everything feels rushed and hasty with no focus on pacing , coherence or character . The constant 80s rock is kind of fun though . I truly miss this kind of hedonistic music , it may not fit the film terrible well but it has a nice kind of nostalgia to it . Vividly animated it may well be , but I found this film to be so asinine that I have taken down my Transformers posters and lessened my interest in them . Don't get me wrong , I will still watch Seasons 3 and 4 , but I can only do it with a more cynical and distrustful eye . |
564,449 | 102,816 | 320,691 | 1 | Give me Blade anyday ! | Take Blade and add most of The Crow and The Matrix and you have this . The latter two I didn't particularly enjoy and Underworld was just as dull and messy as the trailer made it out to be . Amidst a clutter of cliched sets , impossible to differentiate from each other , and heavily overused lightning and rain ( I'm sure there are OTHER ways of creating a gothic atmosphere ) an uninteresting and meandering plot slowly fizzles to life . Apparently Vampires and Werewolves have been fighting for years but a couple of them want the war to end . But with no indication of who is good and bad and the lack of a clearly defined hero there's no way to engage with the characters and no reason to care what happens to them . The SFX are of the jumping thru the air in slow motion while spinning and shooting and doing the laundry variety . Nothing you haven't seen a zillion times before . It wasn't interesting the first hundred times I saw it and this movie is no exception . As you might expect from a movie of this sort , the music is nothing but someone murdering a thrash metal guitar . It's just noise and chaos that matches the incoherent blur onscreen . Many elements of this film lead to exciting possibilities but they've all been thrown away in favor of easy trash . Technically efficient it may well be but Underworld is a failure on every other level . And what's with the title . At no point in the entire movie is there interaction with the ' real ' world . Just a load of running around in sewers and darkly lit mansion corridors . The sense of having an insight into a world that is not meant to be seen by human eyes is non-existent . Even the kidnapped human acts as if the discovery of Vampires and Werewolves is nothing to out of the ordinary . would have been a more appropriate title . The one star is purely for Kate Beckinsdale in a leather outfit . I have the DTS Region 3 edition of this movie . It has a great DTS soundtrack ( wow , now can really appreciate the mind-numbingly loud sound effects and awful music ) . And the 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic picture is super . But no matter how good looking it is , Underworld is still terrible . |
564,625 | 102,816 | 245,803 | 1 | Chowy deserves better . | Tho his English is now much better and this movie offers him a chance to be lighter than in most of his other work the whole movie is still a total disaster . The story and point of the movie is so weak that no matter how hard anybody could have worked to make it better it would still [ stink ] . Seann William Scott sleepwalks his character and emotes practically nothing . James King is kind of alright as the bad rich girl but it's nothing we haven't seen a zillion times before . The villain was poor and his female sidekick was aggravating . And all for what ? The MacGuffin is a scroll that holds the key to eternal paradise for planet earth . But it must never be read . Why ? ? ? Chowy is the one destined to protect it and whenever he is not on screen the movie plummets from mediocre to unbearable . The constant rain and dingy sets did zero to create any atmosphere and the constant lack of color or color-coded sets makes it ugly on the eye and wastes any chance the film has of juxtaposing 1940's China with modern day New York ( Crocodile Dundee anyone ? ? ? ) . Bulletproof Monk should have remained as a comic-book . |
564,727 | 102,816 | 179,477 | 1 | Even the director admits how bad it is in his commentary | Quite bad indeed . Why on earth Dolph agreed to do this I'll never know . Maybe he just had some spare time . But he could have done something more worthwhile than this bore . The story focuses on Jack Holloway who test flies a top secret plane ( stock footage of a real plane that is not called Storm Catcher ) and is framed for stealing it and hiding it in a hut out in the desert . Or something . The way the story develops is VERY clichéd although I never did see the " twist " coming so it kind of did succeed there . There are a few redeeming features . Like Mystro Clark as " Sparks " and there are 2 oddball special agents who crop up every now and again but serve no real purpose other than to look like Hugo Weaving from The Matrix . I tell ya , the resemblance is uncanny . The woman who plays Holloways wife is badly miscast ( and has found it difficult to get work since admitting her fondness of anal sex on the Howard Stern show ) although his daughter is a rather good actress . Director ( and Hugo Weaving lookalike ) Anthony Hickox insists on using hand-held cameras in scenes that don't them and steadicam on scenes that do . I don't know what his method or technique of film-making is but it sucks . The tagline is totally wrong too and gives you the impression that the story is going to build to a more satisfying climax . But it doesn't . Dolph is neither convicted nor is he sentenced so that is a huge lie . Watch this movie on TV but do NOT rent it and do NOT buy it like I did . Save your money for Dolph's best movie . . . Joshua Tree . |
564,695 | 102,816 | 104,714 | 1 | Crap beyond words | I've long hated this film . For a long time I only owned Lethal Weapons 1 , 2 and 4 and only bought this because it was dirt cheap and people always moaned at me for missing it out , even though they understand that it is a rubbish film . Shane Black is gone , in fact he walked away from Lethal Weapon 2 when they refused to make it as dark as he originally wrote it . But at least Riggs and Murtaugh were still Lethal Weapons , THAT was the whole point in the films being so called right ? Lethal Weapon 3 might as well have been called ' Inoffensive Family Friendly Safety Weapon ' . There is hardly any action in this and what action there is is nothing more than very , very boring and unimaginative gunfights . There is not a drop of blood and without the not so abundant f-word there is no reason for this not to be a PG-13 . The bad guy is weak . I'm not kidding you there . His ultimate goal is not world-domination or to seize control of the drug cartels or holding the government hostage . No , Mr Lethal Weapon 3 Bad Guy wants to . . . build a housing estate . Well , if that ain't the most vilest of all evil plans I've heard of . Sheesh , what a bad man , he truly deserves to die . The lame plot about the stolen guns is a thin excuse for Richard Donner's anti-NRA propaganda ( he used to be a member but turned his back on them in disgust around this point ) . As well-intentioned as this may be , it doesn't belong in a film called Lethal Weapon , especially when you consider the gun violence in the 2 previous movies . They try to make it funny , into an action-comedy . But it's absolutely rancid . The witless , irritating dialogue is overwritten and annoying and Joe Pesci's character is in desperate need of a slap . What is with the blonde hair and earring ? A lot of this film could have been cut down , at 121 minutes the anorexic plot long outstays its welcome . There are just so many pointless scenes and distractions . The subplot about Murtaugh ( the character is supposed to be 55 but Glover was only 44 ) retiring is just done to death and it's so slow . What is this ? Some family drama ? And am I the only one who's noticed that EVERY character says ' sonofabitch ' about a million times in this film . Plus Danny Glover shouts ' RIGGS ' every 5 seconds . And don't even get me started on Michael Kamen's rubbish score . The saxophone thing totally overbears on every scene and becomes highly distracting . And when he's not using this completely inappropriate sound he's nicking music from his own Die Hard score . It's because of movies like this that Last Action Hero got made . The new ' Director's Cut ' DVD presents the film in 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen with a faultless picture . The Dolby / DTS 5 . 1 soundtrack is loud and forceful but hardly dynamic . There are no interesting features ( not that I care ) . The R1 DVD comes in a horrid snapper case but the R2 is a sturdy keepcase . |
564,346 | 102,816 | 317,303 | 1 | Eddie hits a new low . | To be honest I still had some respect left for Eddie Murphy before this . He just seemed to have lost his way in the 21st century . But nothing will ever make forgive this . He's just went all ' kiddie ' in recent years . And it's sick . In the 80's Murphy gave us strong African-American characters like Reggie Hammond , Billy Ray Valentine , Axel Foley and Prince Akeem . But that was a long time ago . And it's a shame to see him trade a hard edge for movies like this . It's so sugary it is literally sickening . It's about as subtle as a brick in the face too . Annoying kids who are obviously reading phonetically off oversized cue-cards held off camera , David Newman's worse than generic ' family movie ' score , clockwork predictability and toilet humor ( how many more family movies are going to milk fart sounds for all their worth ? ) are all you can expect from this film . Staring directly into the sun is not as painful on the eyes as this . |
563,988 | 102,816 | 120,082 | 1 | Very bad sequel | Craven used to be known to make REAL horror movies . Sometimes they were experimentation horror films . But now he has fallen for Hollywood's love of cheap scares and loud , loud , loud soundtracks . This film only has one musical cue that isn't criminally loud noise . But it's music stolen from Hans Zimmer's Broken Arrow soundtrack . A soundtrack I love . This kind of made me annoyed the first , and only , time I saw this ( well over 2 years ago ) . The photography in this film is the worst I have ever seen . Almost everything that isn't in the immediate foreground is blurred and out-of-focus . Horror films offer so many opportunities for creativity in all areas of film production . But as this film is made to appeal to mass audiences the style has to be simple . Even terrible . There is nothing worthwhile about this film and nothing to recommend . The part that I hate most seems to be what most people ( for some reason ) like the best . A class full of film students discusses if sequels are better than originals . That's it . You see ? this IS a sequel , and they talk about sequels . Wow ! So what ? ! That's the irony ! And it's not worth a penny . I have never seen a more simpleminded and superficial so-called ' horror ' film as bad as this . The fact that it thinks it's so cool just makes it worse . The true horror of this film is the horrifying ignorance to the audience . Watch Urban Legend instead if you want to watch a Campus ' who's the killer ? ' flick . It's junk but it's better than this . |
564,564 | 102,816 | 253,556 | 1 | Lies | Spoilers thar be . Oh , what a glorious amazing film this could have been . A fascinating idea with a lot of original potential . As usual , it was all flushed away in favor of easy trash . But what is really worse is that the posters ( and trailers to some degree ) still advertised this film for what it could have been . Not what it is . It's basically false advertising . The posters feature London in flames , Big Ben blazing , an apache helicopter in aerial combat with a dragon . Wow ! Did this EVER happen at any point in the film ? NO ! What we do get however is 90 minutes of dirty peasants standing about in a quarry and 10 minutes of very unremarkable dragons huffing and puffing . The idea of them ruling the world is completely lost as we never see anything other than a dirty quarry . The trailer said that the movies takes place in 2084 but it doesn't it begins in 2010 ( for no particular reason ) when a young Christian Bale ( a great actor who is repeatedly contracting himself to bad movies ) hangs about at his mother's work ( drilling for a new underground tunnel for London's tube trains ) . He comes across some kind of weird egg in a long , long forgotten cave . This , somehow , reawakens a sleeping dragon ( which must be female if it has laid this egg ) which promptly kills some of the diggers and escapes . Right at this moment the movie jumps to several years later ! What a rip off ! The entire story of the Dragons taking over the world is just skipped . Why ? They threw all of that away ! Then they expect us to accept a story in which tough American soldier Van Zant ( Matthew McConaughey ) travels all the way across the Atlantic with his team to wipe out the Granddaddy of all dragons , who is located in London . But Van Zant travels there via a Northumberland quarry . Makes sense . He says that he would have brought a bigger team but lost most of them over the ocean . Why would dragons be out on the ocean ? Fishing ? Swimming ? I hope they didn't expect us to imagine that they were on some kind of reconnaissance mission . So , anyway , Van Zant believes that this big dragon is the only male and killing it will lead to the extinction of the speices . This means that female dragons can only lay female eggs . So where did this male come from if the Dragon at the start was female ? Even a throwaway line of pure exposition would have covered over this gaping error . And how does all the 3D imaging technology and tanks and helicopters Van Zant brings with him work ? It would have broke in that space of time . And how did they transport a tank over the Atlantic exactly ? And how could his team have lasted so long when they are clearly idiots and get killed right away ? All good questions . No good answers . The fact that it's only 98 minutes long makes me suspect major changes in post-production . The DVD is in 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5 . 1 sound ( the R2 release by Disney has a DTS track ) . |
564,633 | 102,816 | 164,114 | 1 | Terrible , terrible movie | Out of all the movies I have ever seen I have only ever walked out of two . This is one of them . I saw about 40 minutes of this diabolical travesty and simply left . There are no words in any language that can aptly describe how worthless this movie is . The dialogue is the worst ever . The direction is lifeless and empty . The acting is very poor . But something about this film amazes me . . . What amazes me is that not only did FOX buy this nonsense . It isn't the fact that FOX green-lighted it and managed to get assemble a cast and director . No ! It's the fact that it actually got released . Why ? Why was this film made ? The story , for what it's worth , is old-fashioned and clichéd and totally hollow . And it's delivered in the most mundane , lifeless and amateurish way imaginable . I would rather stick my face in a fire than watch this movie again . Do NOT waste your cash unless your a fan of Sabrina the forty-something Teenage Witch . |
563,834 | 102,816 | 391,198 | 1 | I Grudge paying for this | Ugh ! What nonsense . American remakes of Japanese horrors are all the rage at the moment . Between this , The Ring and a forthcoming remake of the rather weak Dark Water it seems as if Hollywood has tapped into a new well of unimagination . Which is weird , considering how pointless this remake is . Its only purpose is to serve those who cannot be bothered reading subtitles as the same director and some of the original cast remain as well as the fact that it's set in Japan . If they were bothering to remake it then why change 2 things ? The presence of English dialogue and mostly new actors seems a vague reason to redo this film . As PG-13 rated horrors go , this one is still scraping the bottom of the barrel . Seriously , The Grudge is the dredge of horror . I've not seen the original , despite being ' asked kindly ' to do so . But I could still see every scare coming . You just know because of the camera angles suddenly changing to an off-centre shot to accommodate something new . Either that or a scene of silence is built up so much that a sudden jolt is the only logical end . Unlike The Ring , there is no mystery to this film . It's all very straight-forward and , in the end , just boils down to typical slasher fare . Or scare-em-to-death fare as no one is physically killed in this film . Other than the Yoko character . Her fate made no sense and did not fit in with the internal ' logic ' of the script . And can someone explain Bill Pullman's actions at the beginning for me ? A very poor film indeed . Very repetitive , very slow and utterly pointless . As a horror film , The Grudge has as much integrity as Darkness Falls . This film is basically a cure . . . for NOT being asleep . |
563,764 | 102,816 | 257,295 | 1 | The detritus of television | If there was ever any iron-clad proof that Britain is the most uncultured and TV-addicted society in the world then the dredge that is Big Brother is it . The basic idea of this show tanked in other countries where the people are more intelligent but somehow , five years after the rank original , the people of Britain still buy into this crap . They still fall for the same old , same old rubbish that was boring first time around . It boggles the mind . Are we really all that stupid ? I blame the Sun newspaper . Big Brother is a wasteland of coma-inducing boredom consistently starring a deliberately PC and multi-ethnic group of people ( with an absolute MAX of 1 token Scottish person ) with no personality outside of the stereotyped image they were ' cast ' to present . There MUST be one ( if not many ) gay person . One arguer . One sexist . One extrovert party animal . Etc , etc . They are caricatures of real people . Thus nullifying any genuine sense of ' reality ' TV . And , ' at the end of the day ' , ' no offence to anyone ' , ' I don't mean to be funny but ' , ' correct me if I am wrong ' , ' you know what I'm saying ' , they NEVER ever speak outside of clichés . And whenever they DO say something interesting it's edited out for ' legal ' reasons . Whatever happened to free speech . I don't believe it really exists my good fellow . I know I'm not unveiling a sacrilegious revelation when I say this trash is edited and directed to the Nth degree . Thus nullifying any genuine sense of ' reality ' TV . It's a saga of nothingness . And when something DOES actually happen ( they call it ' Fight Night ' as there is THE such night every year ) the screens go black and we don't get to REALLY see what happened until Channel 4 okays it and edits their way around the truth . Thus nullifying any genuine sense of ' reality ' TV . Every Friday night is ' eviction night ' in which the people of this once mighty and powerful land spend money phoning in who they want evicted from the house ( and trust me , Channel 4 REALLY likes it when you phone many times in one night ' just to make sure ' ) . That fame-grabbing , wannabe , desperate individual then begins their definite , inevitable , inexorable descent into well deserved obscurity . Davina McCall , who apparently has nothing better to do with her life as she's ' hosted ' this mince since the very beginning , interviews that person with eyes and attitude that loudly suggest ' Who the hell are you and why are you taking up so much airtime ? ' before showing them the mandatory and expected ' best of ' their bits scene . Watching this pointlessness is how most people in Britain prefer to spend their summer weekends . Even the narrator has THE worst accent one can possibly imagine . To make matters worse he basically repeats the same lines on every show . ' Dee 486 . De ooder ' ouzmaits r een de gah-den ' . I presume the producers of this show are deaf and thought this guy wasn't unintelligible . For the past few years I keep thinking that ' THIS has got to be the last one ' as BB constantly goes from bad to worse to even worse then to absolute hell . It's cheap , brain-dead tripe that only appeals to the lowest common denominator who are vegetablely unaware that Channel 4 are laughing at them . They spend nothing , yet YOU make them millions . Be a real human-being . Turn this long , long , so incredibly long past it's ' prime ' rubbish off and go get a life ! |
564,759 | 102,816 | 490,765 | 1 | Crap | For such a great Bond movie the game of Licence to Kill ( on the C64 at least ) was just awful . It was a vertically-scrolling shooter in which you played a helicopter ( no joke ) that went about blowing up things throughout rather generic landscapes . What on earth this has to do with the movie of the same name is anyone's guess . Domark , who made the equally awful James Bond : The Duel for the Sega Mega Drive in 1993 , might as well have taken any random shooter and just given it a different name , it really does have THAT little in common with the film . Hell , even the simplistic Live and Let Die game ( a similar vertically-scrolling shooter in which you played a boat ! ) was better than this garbage . |
564,156 | 102,816 | 432,291 | 1 | Smog ! | Where did all the real horror films go ? Too often these days we're subjected to tame crap that is designed to scare 12-year-old girls only . How much more rubbish like Darkness Falls , Skeleton Key and The Grudge do we really have to suffer ? Where are all the risk-takers and controversy . Are we really that naive these days that trash like The Fog gets green-lighted before a script is even written ? There is no need for this remake to exist . Well , there's the money of course . But Sony make so much money of their frequently awful Revolution / Screen Gems films that the budget could have went to something better . Of all the films to remake , The Fog is a strange choice . John Carpenter didn't even like the original . He called it one of the lowest points of his career ( the man who's last film was Ghosts of Mars ! ) and he had to insert more ' spookiness ' at the last minute because it was so boring . This remake doesn't even have that much sense . I know I'm wasting my time here , but if you want a rundown of the plot it sort of goes like this ; a small town in the pacific northwest comes under siege from a gang of zombie ghosts from the sea who hide in a menacing fog . And that is it ! But it takes so goddamn long to even get to this simple-minded idea I had honestly grown a beard by the time anything the slightest bit interesting began to happen . Tom Welling or stock-hunk hero is about as wooden as a Trojan Horse and he wanders , almost comatose , from scene-to-scene acting only as an observer to the dull horror on show . Selma Blair , looking prettier with long hair , snores her way through a thankless role and the generic blonde girlfriend of Tom Welling suffers inexplicable flashbacks to 100 years ago as a way of explaining to the audience what's going on . So there's your cast of characters . Not one of them is worth any slightest bit of attention . The script revels in clichés and clumsiness . Characters are killed one by one and none of them survive to warn the others . A dead guy comes back to life for no reason and scares Ms Generic Blonde . But obviously no one is there to see it happening and don't believe her stories until it's too late . Ooh , there are ghosts after me ! I better run for it ! But the car won't start ! Something's wrong with the ignition ! The computer generated fog isn't scary in the slightest . The actual fog effects do look quite cool but there ain't no atmosphere . Director Rupert Wainwright tries to fill in the blanks with some loud sound effects but he's hopeless at pulling off any perfectly-timed scares or wringing any kind of sense out of the story . Don't get me wrong , I do like silly horror films . But they have to be imaginative and full of life . The Fog plods along clueless and only seems intent on boring the audience to death . There is not one drop of blood in the entire 100 minutes . Oh , man . This film is so bad it's not even inspiring me to creatively bash it . |
564,859 | 102,816 | 469,030 | 1 | My eyes , my eyes ! ! ! | Oh where to begin with the awfulness of this game . The sad thing is that it promises so much with its colorful cover design , and initially delivers nice-looking sprites in the first few seconds of gameplay . But then you kill a bad guy for the first time and you just end up going ' What ? Why did the bad disappear into a pink blob ? ' No kidding , Batman himself even meets the same end when you lose a life . And what's with the pink armband and crappy weapons coming out of it ? The first level is a LOT like the final stage of the Batman Movie video game from 1989 . I don't mind clichés in platform games ( moving floors , bottomless pits etc ) but this is just going through the tired , chunky motions . There were a few good Batman games made for the Mega Drive / Genesis . This isn't one of them . Graphics C Sound D Gameplay F Lasting Appeal |
564,393 | 102,816 | 463,854 | 1 | Awful rehash of the first film . | 28 Weeks Later is everything we fear about sequels , it's pretty much the same film done with a bigger budget and different actors . I hated the original since it had a decent concept but strayed off into some ludicrous tangent about bad soldiers and lost any real survivalist story or focus . The sequel has mainland Britain ( one country apparently , not 3 ) repopulated with an indefinite amount of civilians under the guide of the US Military ( why so , is never explained ) . Survivalist Robert Carlyle ( an underused and brilliant actor ) meets his kids , creepily androgynous son and whining daughter , as they come back from mainland Europe and introduces them to the new , empty London . But , being a simple-minded movie with no other goal other than that of killing people and offering gory deaths , this stability obviously doesn't last long and soon enough the Rage virus comes back . So , as you've probably seen a million times before , the authority are incompetent , the lesser characters are stupid and jeopardise everyone by nothing thinking clearly or using common sense and everyone we are introduced to is obviously just there to eventually be killed , unceremoniously and flippantly . Several plot strings are set up , but all of them meet quick dead ends ( pun intended ) and , like before , the film just goes in a random direction with no clear objective or way out . None of the characters are likable , so why should we care about them ? And the token kid is a poor actor with a very annoying boy band hairdo . The overwhelming pessimism and apathy through-out 28 Weeks Later is so alienating and shallow . We've seen a hundred movies that make the point of cheapening human life in the past few years ( especially since the start of the conflict in Iraq ) that it's becoming quite distasteful . Do we really need any more of these societal commentaries in horror films ? Is it relevant anymore ? I don't believe it is . 28 Weeks Later just seems to be jumping on the bandwagon of opportunity regarding this and as an exploitation sequel to a puzzlingly over-praised cult hit . The problem doesn't just lie with the non-existent plot . The film is so horribly over-cut and under-lit you cannot really make anything out . And please don't defend this claiming it to resemble the panic on screen . Films simulated ( and stimulated ) panic long before this kind of editing became commonplace . It also features an obnoxiously loud sound design to compensate for the fact that film just isn't visually or kinetically engaging . I wasn't impressed and I was so wishing for this film to be something special . It's boring , forgetful and has nothing new to say despite how loudly it tries to scream . Save your cash and time for something else . And they're NOT zombies . |
564,275 | 102,816 | 488,775 | 1 | Worst game I have ever played ! | Oh , where to begin . This game is rotten to the core . Everything that can possibly , literally go wrong with a game is crammed into this mess . It's nothing to do with Robocop . Nothing . This game seems like an abandoned Wolfenstien or Duke Nukem game from 1995 ( the dated horrible graphics indicate this right away ) that has had a tiny , tiny bit of Robocop injected into in order to repackage it and get it out there are soon as possible . It should never have been allowed to get out there in the first place . The game is absolutely RIDDLED with bugs . There are dozens of things that Robocop needs to do but the programming won't accommodate . Such as getting stuck in a location or walking up stairs or opening doors . The bad guys have no AI at all and end up firing at walls most of the time . They all look the same ( guy in shirt with gun ) and are really boring to shoot . Robocop's gunfire sounds like a Commodore 64 sound effect . And since when did Robo say ' Oh yeah ! ' or ' Bullseye ' when killing someone ? And why oh why is a giant mutated rat in a supposed Robocop game ? The gameplay is terrible . The targeting system is rubbish ( Robo will automatically target energy / ammo pick-ups and bad guys at the same time . Which is which ? It happens too quick and it is useless too ) . I would have preferred the targeting system Robo has in the movies but here we get rectangles highlighting the bad guys . It looks stupid . The music is trash too . I would play with the volume turned down . Or not play it at all . This game should never have been allowed out . Shame on Titus and Virgin Interactive for producing such a travesty . |
564,473 | 102,816 | 317,676 | 1 | Lord have mercy ! | There are people out there who will greenlight anything ! That is the only explanation I can offer as to why the House of the Dead movie exists . And that's only scary part to the whole movie . It's so bad you'll go off movies forever . I seriously wanted to switch this off and turn the TV over to the Paint Drying channel but I was bound by my word to suffer the whole thing . I don't know why I do these bad things to myself . As if it matters , here's the basic jist of the ' story ' . A group of twenty-somethings are so desperate to go out to some island in the Pacific Northwest ( Canada actually , because it's cheap ) for the ' Rave of the Century ' ( which consists of about 8 people and un-raving music ) that they pay some craggy old fisherman $1000 to take them there after they miss the main ferry . That's gotta be some rave to be worth all that dough ! The fisherman warns them that the island is also known as the Island of the Dead ( hang on-I thought this was HOUSE of the Dead ? ) and that they are all doomed yadda yadda yadda . First faults here . Why would a tiny little rave ( of the Century my foot ! ) be held on some remote island ? Why would anyone willingly pay loads of money to get it ? Why pay even more to the craggy old fisherman to take them back when they could just come back with the others ? Once they arrive they discover that the rave ( which consists of about 2 tents , a small stage and a port-a-john ) has been smashed , there's blood everywhere and no one is around . What would any rationally thinking person do ? Run for their lives of course . But no , these clueless , obviously blind people decide to go look for them . Soon enough they discover an old ramshackle house that's 50 times as big on the inside as it is on the outside . Another half hour of stumbling around in the forest follows , as an excuse to kill of some of the lesser characters , and after much tedium they arrive back at the house again . The characters , like the movie , go nowhere . Jammed into this ghastly disaster is a superabundance of gibberish dialogue , heinous acting , mumbo-jumbo exposition and zillions of clips from the once-popular arcade game of the same name . Why this was universally accepted as a good idea with the filmmakers I'll never know . The clips have no reference to any of the scenes and only degrade this trash even further , if that is at all possible . It has nothing to do with the game save for some cheap , throwaway line at the end . It makes Resident Evil look like cinematic glory . Hell , even the Double Dragon movie seems multi-Oscar worthy in comparison to this junk . The only one who comes out of this with his dignity still intact is Jurgen Prochnow . He could have just taken his money and ran but he tries his best with the awful script and brings a tiny bit of pathos to his character . The rest of the cast suck I'm afraid . The characters are idiots and deserve to die . Plus , if you cut out the swearing and pointless nudity , I see no reason why this film cannot be shown on Saturday morning TV . It's not frightening in the slightest . Pirates of the Caribbean is more scary than the skeletal bad guys in this film . And where did all those bad guys come from anyway ? There were only a few people on the island to begin with . I guess this justifies the reason they chose to reuse footage over and over . I kid you not , you'll see the same zombie die a dozen times . Who's ultimately to blame for that scandalous waste of celluloid ? None other than director Uwe Boll . His control over the movie is non-existent . You can clearly the see actors have no idea what they should be doing and that the zombies aren't really taking it all seriously . The actors seem like they're reading off cue cards as they constantly pause in the middle of long sentences and carry on talking as soon as they see the next card . It all feels very unnatural . Plus the film is shot like a two-part mini-series . I have indeed seen better TV productions . And don't get me started on the editing . The film is an incoherent babble with thousands upon thousands of pointless shots and dozens of meaningless camera pans . No real skill or talent was put into making this at all . It truly baffles and boggles the mind how movies this unfathomably bad can get made and George A . Romero can't even get anyone to take his calls . House of the Dead makes some idiotic reference to Romero in a lazy attempt to be ' post-modern ' but it only irritates that they think THIS is in the same league as a REAL zombie movie . For what it's worth , the 1 . 85 : 1 anamorphic picture looks great and the Dolby 5 . 1 soundtrack is clean but very unimpressive and only serves to pronounce the heavily over-used ADR even more . The DVD comes with extras but why torture yourself . Isn't this review warning enough ? Stay away ! You are all doomed I tell you ! Doomed ! Doomed ! ! ! |
564,357 | 102,816 | 137,523 | 1 | Bloated , irresponsible , self-indulgent trash ! | Typically over-directed David Fincher nonsense . Is he actually able to direct a movie that isn't dank , grimy and depressing ? There are way to many people out there who hold this claptrap in too high regard . Perhaps they confuse the muddled and self-congratulatory rubbish that is the plot for something deep and meaningful . I found that this film scrapes the bottom of the barrel for reasons to be cynical and faithless . It became increasingly obnoxious and irritating . Edward Norton's character had the most annoying voice and the constant ugly imagery turned me off totally . If this film wanted to poke fun at our society then why did it only show all the ugly parts . Granted , there is a lot of fake , unnatural beauty out there but a helluva lot of this world is still free and nice to look at . Not everywhere is a dull , grey office or a miserable , rainy alleyway . It is also very , very slow . 139 minutes have never seemed so long . A lot of this film could have been cut out and still there would be no MAJOR difference to the story I like the idea that everyone is part of the same gang and by sticking together they can easily bring down modern society . This should have been exploited more . But we only get about 4 or 5 scenes of their antics . But , the whole thing of the gang becoming fascists in their attempt to stop fascism is lost on me . I didn't find it ironic , subtle or meaningful . Sorry . The sub-text about man becoming primal again , and releasing all the rage created from jobs that insult their intelligence and ruin their lives , is lost on me too . It's practically non-existent . I have never been let down so much by a movie that was hyped as being exciting . It was really rather boring . The DVD has a loads of features , annoying and headache inducing . Why did Fox insist on a dozen little featurettes instead of one healthy hour-long documentary ? The menus are confusing as is the multi-angle function on the 5-minute " scene deconstructions " . Who on earth is going to watch all of these 2 or 3 times just to see the different angles and bad camcorder shots of someone working on a computer ? The movie itself is in Dolby 5 . 1 and is anamorphically enhanced at 2 . 40 : 1 . |
564,523 | 102,816 | 170,016 | 1 | Very badly made | Very , very , very badly made film indeed . Ron Howard's direction is totally wanton and gutless . The cinematographer obviously thought that if the camera went squint for about . 99 . 9999 % of the film it would mean that he was being creative . A little note to all : diagonal camera shots do not make good photography . It looks moronically awful . The art and set design is cheap too . Everything is way too close together and cramped looking . You cannot really make anything out at all . And in some shots you can see the roof of the sound-stage . I reckon about $50 in total was spent on production design . Half the film was pointless effects that did nothing for me . They did not make the film look magical . No , they certainly did not . The Whos look really stupid too . What on earth are they supposed to be ? They look like the Beagle Boys from Duck Tales . To sum it up in 2 words they look ' totally ridiculous ' . In the scene where the Grinch shaves the Mayor's head . why do they start screaming and running away ? That whole scene was the worst directing I have ever scene . I know that this is a kid's movie and , believe me , there were many kids in the audience . There were hardly a couple of laughs among them . The type of humor in this film is the kind that expects you to laugh when someone walks into a lamppost or falls into a custard pie . Come on . This is the 21st century and we're STILL getting this trash that passes itself of as a movie ? Not even the hugely talented Carrey can save this steaming pile of trash . I don't think anyone could . He simply is NOT funny . You'd think that playing the Grinch would be a role he could twist and manipulate . But no , it's a kiddie's movie . So he just acts stupid without being funny . The cartoon is way better . I suggest you watch that instead . |
564,543 | 102,816 | 107,978 | 1 | The death of great potential | I've got a great idea ? Let's take one of the best movie franchises there is , make a crap sequel starring a new actor in the lead role , take away all the ultra-violence , dramatic irony and tone it down to make it appeal to kids . Oh and chuck in some pathetic SFX for good measure . This movie should not have been made . Plain and simple . Robocop 2 was unfairly panned on its first release but this junk deserves every bad comment it gets . The direction is terrible , the budget appears to have been about $5 . 63 and the story has NO redeeming qualities . It's not even entertaining accidentally . I'm not kidding , it is so bad you can't even laugh AT it . The attempts at turning Robocop ( more like Hobocop ) into some kind of comic book superhero fail horribly . Just what the hell was the deal with the jetpack ? It also looked embarrassingly fake . John Castle made a very poor villain . He was hammy instead of scary and campy instead of evil . Man , even ED-209 was tame . This is a film that you should ignore , no doubt . Robocop : Prime Directives went on to become even worse . Poor Murphy . |
564,793 | 102,816 | 234,215 | 1 | A tedious experience of a pretentious film | It's no secret that not so many people liked this film as they did the first . Probably because it was one of the most bloated , self-important mistakes to happen in a long time . Too bad it happened to be a sequel to a highly regarded film . It only ended up getting great reviews from people who thot they should like it , but didn't . None of the fight scenes are exciting . They are frequently pointless and feature only blocking instead of actual impact . Who wants to see that ? Plus they only fill the screen with movement rather than something that takes your breath away . That's the problem with the Matrix . It doesn't take place in reality . Therefore the action is unrealistic and unengaging . We can't get close to it if we know it'll never be possible in real life . It ends up being a show of empty effects and an already cliched style . And why exactly should we side with the characters ? They are boring , have no personality , one facial expression and why do they always wear shades ? There is no point in this . It's an overdone cliche that cool characters wear shades all the time for no reason ( Blade , Terminator , MIB ) and it only adds to the films belief that it's the King of Supercool . It's not . But it IS full of the biggest words the Wachowskis could find in the dictionary shoved into endless , endless monologues that reek of pomposity and pretension . They probably hoped that confusing the audience would dupe them into believing they were watching something intelligent and deep but it's actually just ridiculously obvious that this film considers itself to be something much higher than it really is . And all this is just even evident with the fact that EVERY line of dialogue is delivered with such sincerity and such conviction ( no matter how phoney ) that those speaking them believe that it's ALL a ground-breaking revelation that will force the audience to think about it long afterward . Well , most of us ended up laughing and shaking our heads . |
564,502 | 102,816 | 119,361 | 1 | Pathetic | In the Company of Men is a pathetic film with really pretentious attempts at irony and drama . It's the kind of movie that makes you want to rush out and get a huge dose of CGI Hollywood nonsense to clean it out of your system . It's crap like this that give independent / art movies a bad image . A bleak production design doesn't help the depressing , boring feel of the movie and the dull story is basically a cure for not being suicidal . Never ever watch this film . I wasted a whole Sunday afternoon watching this in the cinema when I really could have been doing something much more fun , like digging my own grave . |
564,326 | 102,816 | 75,005 | 1 | Absolutely horrible | The Omen does NOT deserve its classic status , not in my opinion . It's no different than any other 70s exploitation flicks . Whereas rubbish like Last House on the Left and others were considered trashy and confined to grindhouse cinemas , The Omen ( a really crap title when you think about it ) undeservedly got a higher status because of the cast and studio . LHOTL was honest about being nonsense , but The Omen , desperate to be the next Exorcist , manipulated and preyed upon the naive public's fears of THE DEVIL ( dun , dun DUUUUUUUN ) with a load of gobbledygook hocus-pocus and characters so stupid you wish they'd just die horribly and get it over and done with . Gregory Peck ( a highly respected actor ) seems so stiff and bored in his role that every scene with him is difficult to watch . The only actor worth watching in this gibberish is the underrated David Warner . It's just garbage . Cheap , nasty , exploitative garbage and a classic in no way whatsoever . The 2006 remake achieved the impossible and actually made it worse . Oh , and by the way , ' O Fortuna ' by Carl Orff has nothing , NOTHING to do with The Omen . Jerry Goldsmith wrote the score to this film ( and won an Oscar ) and never used this piece , which has bugger-all to do with the Devil , in a single cue . It's an urban legend . |
564,714 | 102,816 | 869,021 | 1 | Not sure about the title ! | Perhaps Casting Grizzlies would have been more appropriate . I've never seen a duller porno in my life . Only one of the girls does anal ( really blandly ) , the rest is plain-old straight sex . Meat , potatoes and English gravy . No spice ! I only watched it to see fake reality-TV show BB reject Lea Walker do her porn thing . She's not really much to look at but I thought it would be worth it to see her get nasty . How massively WRONG I was ! It starts off with Lea getting interviewed as usual and it seems that she has not had one part of her body , from head to toe , left un-surgically altered . I have no beef with plastic / cosmetic surgery at all , but when a person leaves looking less human then when they went in , I can't help but get freaked out . It wouldn't be so bad if the major slicing and stitching didn't leave her with such a numb , frozen face that prohibited exhibition of any kind of emotion or personality . The sex that she gets involved in is mind-numbingly boring . She shows as much enthusiasm for shagging as a cow going to the slaughter-house . And the crap she comes out with ? Don't get me started ! ' Oh yeah , that's good . Yes . A-ha . Mmm-hmm . Yeah ! Yeah ! ' Pathetic ! Not only is it totally phony , but it's like she's only ever seen one porno in her life and thought it would be okay to do ' stock porn dialogue ' . My god ! You've never seen porn worse than this ! |
564,671 | 102,816 | 469,072 | 1 | Horrid | This is a truly garish platformer . You play the title character , who can detach he head and chuck it at people . That's how you kill the bad guys . He's not the best character ever and you won't have fun playing him . The main problem with this game is that there are far too many backgrounds , sub-backgrounds , foregrounds , middle foreground etc . that you never really know where the character is or if it is safe to jump . Plus they are all moving which becomes very distracting . The color scheme is simply horrid . Nothing buck sickeningly bright pastel colors that make the game look like a packet of skittles more than anything else . I can only see this game being popular in Japan . The English translation just doesn't work . The story is something to do with an evil circus and rescuing your pals . Already done that in Rolo to the Rescue . Sorry . Stay well and truly away from this . It's even worse than that game where the robots turn into blingwads . A truly appalling experience . |
564,174 | 102,816 | 310,816 | 1 | Very poor game | Well , maybe that's a gross understatement . This is really one of the worst games the Genesis ever saw . Which is such a shame considering the great possibilities the Looney Tunes license had . The gameplay is rubbish and the fun is absolute zero . The mildly cute graphics that were dated at the time and totally redundant now . It does not show off what the Genesis was capable of and is surely one of the worst platformers ever . Don't even buy out of morbid curiosity or even if you are a hardcore Looney Toons fan . I am . And I hated it with a passion . Graphics C Sound C Gameplay F Lasting Appeal |
564,503 | 102,816 | 119,396 | 1 | BORING ! | I cannot belive that I didn't walk out of this . Who cares who ends up with the money ? All of the characters were uninteresting . The dialogue only sparkled ( dimly ) in some places . It was about an hour too long and left a bad taste in my mouth and an awful feeling in my stomach . Even the title sucks . Rum Punch would have been a much better title . I mean what did TARANTINO HIMSELF say about the name BROWN in Reservoir Dogs ? |
564,861 | 102,816 | 1,324,875 | 1 | Honestly the worst short film I have ever seen | This waste of time is basically a painfully overextended cliché kill with not a shred of originality or wit . In it a couple ( sleeping in a single bed for some reason ) in a sparsely decorated house are woken by a strange noise outside . The man goes to investigate ( sound familiar so far ? ) and doesn't come back . The woman eventually follows , calling his name over and over . She meets a sticky end too . And . . . erm . . . that's it . Seven wasted minutes of pure crap . If they really needed to make a short slasher movie they could have given it a new edge or even the tiniest bit of irony . And what on Earth this garbage has to do with Friday the 13th is anyone's guess . |
564,781 | 102,816 | 257,076 | 1 | Dumb and not entertainingly dumb either | Ugh ! SWAT is a miserable film . I remember when I was a kid and I'd play at Cops and Robbers with other kids . We'd run around with invisible guns indiscriminately shooting at each other . SWAT has that same mentality and is aimed at the same age group . It's not a movie , it's shamefully disguised pro-NRA propaganda . For all the gun glorification and random violence ( PG-13 rated violence remember , as they want to expose this drivel to the little kiddies ) there is not one subtle moment that tells us guns are dangerous . Here they are just toys and shooting people is just fun . I shouldn't really complain so hard as for the first whole hour of this film NOTHING happens . It's all devoted to pointless character building which never rises past clichéd stereotypes ( Michelle Rodriguez expands her range by playing an unhappy , scowling Latino-something she hasn't played before ) and is totally ditched with the abrupt , anti-climatic ending . SWAT promises action and the not-quite high concept plot of a crime-lord offering anyone who can break him out of custody a $100 million reward is never fully realised . We could have had 2 whole hours of excitement but we barely get 45 minutes . It's a slow , boring film with absolutely NOTHING to recommend it . Plus it all seems very 70's . I felt embarrassed watching it . The DVD is in 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5 . 1 sound . There are extras but do I care ? |
564,166 | 102,816 | 119,707 | 1 | One of the worst films ever | New Line can either be really dynamic when making exciting B-movies or extremely stupid when making sequels to success . Take a look at Son of the Mask or Blade III for examples of poor sequels . Mortal Kombat Annihilation is iron-clad proof-positive that video games with NEVER , EVER , EVER make good movies . I don't understand why they keep trying . The first Mortal Kombat movie was FAR from brilliance . But it still had great energy , a ( rather dumb ) sense of humor and a really cool score by George S . Clinton crammed full of techno and trance tunes . And the fight scenes , while not graphic or breathtaking , were pure eye-candy . This sequel is cheaper , has a different cast of no-name actors , has poor , badly shot , cut and lit fight scenes , really shoddy sets and rubbish effects . The dialogue is gut-churningly horrible and the story will make you laugh out loud with it's stupidness . Seriously , Mortal Kombat Annihilation is a definite contender for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 . Absolute horses balls from beginning to end . Everyone involved in making this film should be blacklisted and never allowed to work in Hollywood again . |
564,739 | 102,816 | 465,614 | 1 | Horrible . | What a disgrace to Marvel ! Neither Spidey nor the X-Men come out of this with integrity left . It's seriously one of the worst games I have ever played on the Genesis . Terrible graphics , worse gameplay and awful music . For what it's worth it's a platformer ( like the previous Spiderman game on the Genesis , only nowhere near as competent ) in which you play different characters but start out as Spidey himself . I honestly didn't stick around too much to play as anyone else as it really did begin so badly and I can only imagine that it got worse . Don't be like me and assume that it must be good coz Spidey is involved . It would be a total waste of money . I guess I should have researched it first coz it seriously is a bad , bad game . Stay away ! |
564,797 | 102,816 | 311,429 | 1 | A mess ! | What could have been intriguing and exciting alternate universe adventure movie ends up being a calamitous mess that's the result of far , far too many ideas being thrown at the audience at once . LXG caves in on itself leaving only a shell of a movie behind . It's cool to see that Sean Connery is still up for physical action but the rest of the cast is more than absolutely wasted . Most of the characters hint at some form of motivation but never seem do anything in particular . The director seems to give each one of them their own ' bit ' in which they fight a bad guy or something but there is no real reason for all of them to be there . Except for some barmy ' plot ' about a bad guy called ' The Phantom ' ( no , not Billy Zane in a purple catsuit ) who wants to take over the world . Stephen Norrington ( who was once set to direct Freddy vs Jason a long time ago ) seems obsessed with turning every part of the movie into a ' crumbling masonry set piece ' . Trevor Jones ' score in bizarrely unmagical , the effects are far too frequent and extravagant for such a flippant , unhesitant presentation and the ending is a total let-down . There are dozens of unexplained elements in this film . Like why does the Vampire woman's hair constantly change from red to black ? How can she walk around in the sunlight ? Why are Mongolian peasants played by white folks ? The ONLY interesting thing about this film is the fact that Richard Roxburgh plays Professor Moriarty . I mean this is the guy who once played Sherlock Holmes . An ironic casting choice no doubt but the film is still a shambles . |
564,426 | 102,816 | 443,632 | 1 | Pointless , Z-movie garbage | The Sentinel represents everything about the soul-lessness of Hollywood and the saddening lack of imagination present in so many movies these days . I cannot possibly think of one good thing about it , it's all so generic , so factory-made and so lazy assembled that it really only exists as an infomercial on how to make money from the unsuspecting , undeserving public . A plot about a Secret Service Agent planning to assassinate the Prez could well be entertaining . If handled by a good director or caring cast that is . Douglas is the one who is framed . Basinger is the First Lady , with whom he is having an affair ( an undeveloped , unresolved plot contrivance ) . Sutherland is the best pal who believes his guilty because there would be no movie if he didn't . And Longoria is nothing . A woman with a fortune of Maybelline and . . . that's it . I guess there are less requirements for women when entering the Secret Service . As usual in a film like this the role of the Prez himself is nothing more than a tool , a token and is very badly written . Clark Johnson's , he who gave us the equally as pathetic SWAT back in 2003 , mechanical direction lacks any kind of signature and has all the visual sophistication of a cheap TV-movie . Douglas , Basinger and Sutherland look incredibly bored and phone-in their performances from afar . Eva Longoria , the most over-exposed woman of the 21st Century , is basically only in this to attract to the Desperate Housewives audience . Her role is 100 % pointless and she does absolutely nothing to further the plot or add to character development . She barely has 2 lines to rub together . A truly shameless marketing ploy . If you're a glutton for punishment then don't let me stop you . But it IS time and money you won't be getting back . |
564,447 | 102,816 | 298,228 | 1 | Am I missing something ? | How on earth has THIS garnered so much critical acclaim ? I must have been watching the wrong film . I wanted to like this . I really did . After reading so many great reviews in so many publications I was looking forward to a non-Hollywood uplifting tale . What I got was a slow and dull borefest . First of all , I cannot fathom how Keisha Castle-Hughes is nominated for an academy award . Her performance is minimal . Perhaps this is supposed to be her character but I have not seen a more monosyllabic display since Sylvester Stallone took on the role of John Rambo in First Blood . All she does is stand around , looking detached and sullen . Anybody can do that . I do admit that she did a good job crying during the scene with her speech . But big Arnie cried in End of Days and I don't see anyone handing him and Oscar . In regards to the rest of the cast , there is NO character development . There are some hints but nothing is ever explained . Like why does Pai love her grandfather so much when he is horrid towards her ? What's the deal with her uncle smoking crack ? Hardly the kind of thing appropriate for a family movie ? What does being the leader of the tribe actually mean ? According to her grandfather's ' leader lessons ' , being a tribe leader means nothing more than practicing for war . That's all he teaches . War , war , war . What's that got to do with sitting on the back of a whale and riding about the ocean ? I don't know much about Maori tribes but I think that this is a completely outrageous representation of them . This could be intentional as the grandfather is supposed to be out of touch with his true tribal senses but nothing excuses the scene in which he tells a group of 10-year-old boys to place their severed enemy's heads on a stick as an example to others . I'm sorry but there is a word for that kind of behaviour . It's called ' WAR CRIMES ' . Another thing I think is totally inappropriate for a family movie . And it's also pretty Xenophobic . What boggles the mind is how I've heard of so many people telling me they cried at this film . Cried at WHAT exactly ? There is no major emotional revelation at any part of the film . The ending is totally inconclusive . Just a bunch of guys in a big boat , chanting . Why would I cry at this ? And where are they going ? I will give the film credit for having a few brief ( very brief ) atmospherical moments during the narration scenes . But nothing ever becomes of them . There is no complication or sophistication to this film at all . It builds and ' resolves ' in the most simplistic and dull way . I would not recommend this as a family movie . I was hoping for something better than mass-produced rubbish such as ' Cheaper by the Dozen ' and I did not get it . Don't be fooled or brainwashed by the inexplicably positive reviews this film has somehow garnered . That is my most crucial advice . The DVD is presented in 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen with a Dolby 5 . 1 soundtrack ( that might as well be Mono for all it's worth ) . |
564,180 | 102,816 | 348,836 | 1 | Gothikless | This film does not provoke a Gothic atmosphere . No , not at all . More like a sterile , monochrome and lifeless . So I'm afraid the title is a complete and utter lie . As a horror film this is a total potboiler . As a Dark Castle production it's the worst yet . Why on earth would a freshly won Oscar-winning actress do such drek ? The story is the most predictable and boring ever . You can literally see all the twists and revelations coming . There are also gaping holes in the logic . Such as if the ghost of Rachel can have a physical effect on the real world , then why would she need Miranda at all ? Well there wouldn't be a film if the director realized this . But then again , that would be a good thing . A complete waste of time ! Zemeckis and Silver should know better . The DVD is in 1 . 85 : 1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5 . 1 sound . There are extras but I don't care . |
563,998 | 102,816 | 362,165 | 1 | The horse was called death . . . and hell followed . | Son of the Mask and House of the Dead signal the coming of the apocalypse . Really it's that bad . You don't treat your kids to this movie , you punish them to it . Son of the Mask is an ugly , horrible , awful film . It's factory made with utter incompetence and has zero consistency with the original film . The CGI effects are the absolute worst , worst , WORST you will EVER , EVER , EVER see and the Mask character only appears twice for like 5 minutes in the whole film . Oh , please stay away ! Stay well away from this hideous monstrosity ! I'm sorry I can't say more but I have no words to aptly describe this worthless , pointless movie . Son of the Mask is a Son of a Bitch . |
564,614 | 102,816 | 465,515 | 1 | Really , really bad | This video game was based on the highly popular Manga movie Fist of the North Star . Bizarre then when you consider how terrible it is . I've no idea why they didn't just call it Fist of the North Star instead of Last Battle . Perhaps they wanted to fool people into believing they were buying Final Fight ( a much better game ) . Tho that's still not a good enough reason for this to be so terrible . It was a side-scrolling beat-em-up ( one of my fave genres on the Genesis ) but the character you played took up 90 % of the screen height and walked like he had something stuck up you know where . And you didn't exactly ' beat ' people up either . They just flew off the screen the second you touched them . All rather unspectacularly I must say . It was impossible to get past level three . The end of level boss was just too hard . ( Level two boss was a short green fat guy that you touch once and he cracked like an egg ! ? ) And the music ? Don't get me started on the music . It was surely the most laughable aspect of the game . I still know it off by heart . Hard really to forget it considering it was only one ' cue ' played over and over . Did I really play the game that much ? Sega could have made this very cool but it was a very quickly made and very cheap cash-in on a cult anime movie . And if you care ( and if you still have a genesis with this game ) press ABC and START on the title screen for a level select cheat ( only the levels you have already completed tho ) . They couldn't even make the cheats cool ! |
563,905 | 102,816 | 207,201 | 1 | Not good ! | I didn't expect much from this movie and ' much ' is something that we do not get . I was kind of interested by the trailer at the concept of mind reading but like UNBREAKABLE there is not enough of it . The plot is schmaltzy and clichéd and is presented in the most boring and unoriginal way . Mel Gibson is Nick Marshall , an executive at an advertising company ( lead characters in these type of comedies are always high-fliers , think of Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail , Tim Robbins in Nothing To Lose , Anne Heche in Six Days Seven Nights or even Nic Cage in Family Man ) who is very male-chauvinistic and is generally disliked by women . Then one night he is electrocuted in the bath while wearing panties and make-up , he wakes up the next morning with the ability to hear women's thoughts . This could have been cool but in a 127 minute movie ( overlong ) there is a window of about 40 minutes in which Mel is able to read minds and only 10 minutes of that is devoted to actually doing it . What a waste , it turns the movie into a totally pointless experience . If it had been different , if the main characters were younger , didn't have the clichéd ' high-flier ' jobs or if the plot had more on it's mind than a man and a woman falling in love there could have been a cool movie here . Even the photography is bad , too many shades of brown and most of the picture out of focus with exception for the actors . Marisa Tomei is criminally underused . She is shunted into a sidecar role that fades further away as the movie progresses more and more into schmaltzy cliché . I know there are crappy sub-plots about Nick's estranged daughter ( clichéd ) and his attempts to abuse his ' powers ' to better himself at work but these are really just there to boost the ' man and woman falling in love ' story . Let's be honest , how many movies are out there are about a man and woman falling in love ? Too many . Do we need any more ? No . But because Mel is in it WWW has become a success . If David Schwimmer played Nick Marshall ? ? |
564,519 | 102,816 | 163,983 | 1 | Uneventful Trash | I only saw this film because my girlfriend wanted to and I did try hard to enjoy it but it sucked big time . There are so many plot holes and hard to swallow plot elements . For example are we really supposed to believe that Kim Basinger is the sister of someone who is about 24 years younger than her ? What on earth was that evil nanny supposed to be ? What was the point in taking Cody to the dentist ? And why did this film build up to such an unsatisfying climax ? For a film that tried to draw its power from supernatural hokum the ending was spectacularly ordinary . The acting was exceptionally poor throughout and I am very surprised that Chuck Russell churned out such a piece of manufactured garbage . If you take equal parts of Rosemary's Baby , Devil's Advocate , End of Days and that awful Winona Ryder film Lost Souls , mix it up with a large dose of badly recorded ADR ( 99 % of the film's dialogue ) and you have this film . It might have been better if Christina Ricci had been in it more . I swear , she must have been in it for about 5 minutes absolute max . I also must mention the absurdly fake SFX that polluted the whole film . What were those flying demons supposed to be anyway ? I give this film a big |
564,726 | 102,816 | 112,004 | 1 | Worst thing ever created ! Horrid ! Horrid ! Horrid ! | There are some things I bet mankind would wish he could un-invent . The atom bomb , religion and Hollyoaks would be at the top of that list . I only ever watched this to pass time at a crappy job on Sunday mornings . Thank heavens I don't have that job anymore as this show was giving me high-blood pressure . That's how angry it got me . That's how bad the acting is . I know people comment on movies that have okay acting as having terrible acting and I am well aware that a lot of American soaps like Sunset Beach and Days of Our Lives have rather poor acting but THIS has THE ABSOLUTE WORST and THE MOST PITIFUL excuse for acting I have ever seen . The characters of Max , OB and Justin are performed quite well but the all of the rest are simply awful . I know for a FACT that many of the so called actors are chosen by their looks alone and not for their acting abilities . A rather stupid way of casting a TV show it is . Many TV shows do this but no other show has such A DISGRACEFUL DISPLAY of acting than Hollyoaks . The direction is dull , miserable and very bleak . Every scene is lit with grey light that puts an incredibly depressing atmosphere on everything . When this ain't the case it's painfully obvious it's being helmed by a film-school graduate desperate to show off his non-skills . Even the pathetic stories are nothing more than childish morality plays and Sunday-school style ' don't do this ' kind of lessons . Since the target audience is mainly teenagers the producers tend to condescend to them with endless amounts of these simple cautionary tales . They don't even attempt to make it subtle . I'd be really offended watching this as a teenager if they thought I was as ignorant and naive as the badly written characters . They are SO VERY BAD you'll either be rolling around on the floor in laughter or be enraged at such an atrocity . |
564,847 | 102,816 | 71,402 | 1 | Christ , they made FOUR sequels to THIS ! ! ! | I really can't think of a word more appropriate than ' tawdry ' to describe this incredibly boring drek . It may well have been regarded as hardcore back in the early seventies ( but I don't see how ) but Death Wish is actually as tame as a newborn kitten , especially in comparison to the first sequel . Ironically surnamed director Michael Winner shoots the film in the most mundane and sterile way possible . You'd be forgiven for thinking that you're watching a slide show . And ugly photography doesn't help the brain-dead plot . Charles Bronson ( typically void of emotion or expression ) is Paul Kersey , an architect based in NYC and a ' bleeding heart liberal ' apparently . When a bunch of thugs ( including a young , completely nonthreatening Jeff Goldblum ) break into his house , beat-up and sexually attack ( but not rape ) his daughter he changes his views . After his wife mysteriously dies from her not-really-that-bad wounds he cracks and decides that killing random thugs on the streets is the best thing to do . Remember this was the early 70s and back then NYC was rife with crime and muggings . Michael Loser probably thought he was onto some groundbreaking commentary when an ordinary man takes the law into his own hands because the police are incompetent . But here's the stupid thing , the cops may not care about innocent people being killed so why the hell do they make a HUGE case out of the first vigilante killing ? They don't care when decent civilians die but make a circus over some random shot junkie ? Nonsense ! I could call this part of the film ' fun ' but since it takes ages to really get going I was already sighing and checking how much time was left . At 85 minutes I was beginning to wonder how he was ever going to find the people who attacked his family and sort them out with only a few minutes of the running time left . It turns out that they are never seen again , so they basically get away it . WHAT KIND OF ENDING IS THAT ? ? ? What a rip-off . Compared to Death Wish II ( my God , what a disgusting film ) this film seems relatively okay . But alone it's yet another exploitational piece of crap by a notoriously incompetent director . A classic is sure as hell ain't ! |
564,809 | 102,816 | 329,717 | 1 | Flatliner | This film couldn't be flatter . Even if you stomped it into the ground , went over it with a steamroller and landed a plane on it . Even as a bog-standard 80's direct-to-video , el-cheapo cop-thriller this would be the crap-de-la-crap . Hollywood Homicide ( rubbish title ! ) thankfully and fortunately flopped big time in the summer of 2003 . Though the audience who said ' no ' to this were probably the same people who contributed to Bad Boys 2 ( and equally terrible film from the same writer ) being a success . Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett play cops who moonlight as a real estate broker and yoga instructor . But Hartnett has aspirations to be an actor too ( the irony is somewhat lost on him ) and ends up yelling lines from A Streetcar Named Desire whenever he can . Oh stop it ! My sides are splitting ! After a couple of rappers are gunned down in a nightclub they investigate . Ron Shelton manages to stretch out this incredibly NON-existent plot for very painful , very boring 115 minutes . It tries to be funny , and thinks it is , but this arrogance only amplifies the tediousness of the rank-amateur script . I kid you not ; I could have got a 12-year-old , hyper on Buzz Cola , to write something better and more professional . Hollywood Homicide is Unbelievably bad . And , I never thought I'd say this , it actually makes Showtime look good in comparison . The DVD is 2 . 35 : 1 anamorphic widescreen and Dolby 5 . 1 sound . There are extras but I couldn't care less coz this film is rotten . |
564,451 | 102,816 | 181,299 | 1 | Worst FX Ever ! | After starring in a movie such as Vampires one would expect Thomas Ian Griffith to not make a movie like this . It's about an evil company that builds an oil pipeline thru a snowy mountain town and causes an avalanche when it goes haywire . The avalanche FX and the terribly interwoven stock footage are the worst I've ever seen . You'll have a hot seeing how awful it is and how anyone involved with the film could allow them to be so poor . See this on TV like I did . Don't rent it . It's seriously bad . |
564,828 | 102,816 | 106,293 | 1 | Nauseatingly unwatchable | If you want to see a film that has the absolute worst dialogue that you have ever heard in your life then this is the film for you . I'm not kidding . The dialogue in this film is the equivalent of inner ear torture . Sticking knitting needles in there would be more fun . The plot ( for what it's worth ) is about a traveller in a beachside hotel . . . and that's it . Director Tom Boka pads it all out excessively with long periods of silence and intercuts with footage of him making the film ( which actually looks staged ) . He thinks he is making an art film because he is letting it take its own shape . The shape it takes is that of garbage . This is no more than an extremely soft-core T & A flick that is unwatchable in all areas . It's not even entertaining by accident . This film is plain bad , BAD , BAD ! ! ! |
564,281 | 102,816 | 322,259 | 1 | Very poor film . | Well , maybe that's an understatement . Though this is twice as good as the first one because it DOESN'T star a certain individual ( tho it must be said that Paul Walker is NO leading man ) . And if the first got then this gets a whole . It's shocking that movies this diabolical still get made . It really is an exercise in minimalism . And how much money you can milk from an audience without actually spending any on the movie . There are rumors that this film cost about $70 million . I find that very hard to believe . I looks and feels like a million dollar movie . Everything is cut down to the bare minimum . Production design , action , story , character , extras , talent and care are shrunken down to nothing . It looks like it was filmed in a week with no time for rehearsal . The only cool thing about it was the gorgeous Devon Aoki . Sadly , she wasn't in it much . But there was an abundance of cheese . In fact , take the worst episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard , The Fall Guy and Thunder in Paradise , the left over and discarded plotlines of GTA : Vice City , half the budget and throw in a couple of flashy camera moves to disguise the fact that there's nothing really on display and you have 2 Fast 2 Furious . A movie which isn't too fast or too furious . Play GTA : Vice City instead . |
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