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3,503
Hello Twitter! #myfirstTweet
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hello twitter . myfirsttweet
1,954
yeah English stop saying Jane's word
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yeah english stop saying janes word
4,139
@USER I need a new job so I can read books again. I miss reading. Being an English teacher really gets in the way of reading. #irony
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user i need a new job so i can read books again . i miss reading . being an english teacher really gets in the way of reading . irony
2,607
“Just listen to the police.” “Just listen to the curfew.” What would’ve happened if the Civil Rights protesters in the 1960s just listened to the cops and stopped their sit-ins or just stopped their Freedom Rides? Change starts by defying the unjust authority in place. #BLM
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just listen to the police . just listen to the curfew . what wouldve happened if the civil rights protesters in the 1960s just listened to the cops and stopped their sitins or just stopped their freedom rides . change starts by defying the unjust authority in place . blm
979
Parking meter obviously forgot to get its own parking ticket. #irony HTTPURL
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parking meter obviously forgot to get its own parking ticket . irony httpurl
2,124
In ​Bostrom's words: HTTPURL
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in bostroms words httpurl
3,552
Yay for knee machines! #not HTTPURL
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yay for knee machines . not httpurl
3,884
Some girls really are scandalous :snake:
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some girls really are scandalous snake
621
i love when i respond to my professor immediately after she emailed me and i still haven’t gotten a response :)) (it’s been almost 4 hours) :))
1
I hate that my professor isn't responding to me after I immediately replied to her email.
1
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i love when i respond to my professor immediately after she emailed me and i still havent gotten a response its been almost 4 hours
4,736
#sarcasm It's a comforting thought:every tax payer will b reminded of #OCARE being rammed in2 law when answering questions on 2014 tax forms
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sarcasm its a comforting thoughtevery tax payer will b reminded of ocare being rammed in2 law when answering questions on 2014 tax forms
2,546
Duale seeking 'protection to be heard' when the proposed security bill will trample the basic rights of his pple and their freedom #Irony
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duale seeking protection to be heard when the proposed security bill will trample the basic rights of his pple and their freedom irony
4,482
Greenwood best youngster in the league btw
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greenwood best youngster in the league btw
1,073
Looking forward to doing my 4 page essay tonight :face_savoring_food: seems like fun #sarcasm
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looking forward to doing my 4 page essay tonight facesavoringfood seems like fun sarcasm
1,138
I will be testing the water park and the wetsuit to their limits HTTPURL
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i will be testing the water park and the wetsuit to their limits httpurl
4,968
@USER you sound just like Jack Kerouac |#not
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user you sound just like jack kerouac not
2,363
@USER @USER Nice smile #sarcasm
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user user nice smile sarcasm
4,938
So I heard a college dropout is offering a graduate from best College a jawdropping package! #irony
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so i heard a college dropout is offering a graduate from best college a jawdropping package . irony
615
I didn’t play outside as a child and now my skin is less sun damaged than all of yours. You fools. You charlatans.
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i didnt play outside as a child and now my skin is less sun damaged than all of yours . you fools . you charlatans .
3,820
#13CABS apparently this guy only does city-airport. If not, swears & drives off. Even from a taxi rank #goodguy #not HTTPURL
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13cabs apparently this guy only does cityairport . if not swears drives off . even from a taxi rank goodguy not httpurl
2,242
Seriously thank God tomorrow's friday #needabreak
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seriously thank god tomorrows friday needabreak
2,022
Having nothing you studied be on the test is just fckn greaat #not
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having nothing you studied be on the test is just fckn greaat not
437
don't knw how to react everytime sum1 says me being in a wheelchair "inspires" them! im just living they same you are dude
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dont knw how to react everytime sum1 says me being in a wheelchair inspires them . im just living they same you are dude
4,309
@USER :pouting_face: no he bloody isn't I was upstairs getting changed !
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user poutingface no he bloody isnt i was upstairs getting changed .
4,233
Watching my grandparents and my parents pay all these bills, really excites me for the future. -__- #Sarcasm
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watching my grandparents and my parents pay all these bills really excites me for the future . sarcasm
2,775
NOT OLIVIA RODRIGO TRAITOR IN THE BACKGROUND #LoveIsland
1
traitor by olivia rodrigo in the background ?? YES
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not olivia rodrigo traitor in the background loveisland
2,428
Finally got new contacts which means I finally plucked my eyebrows for the first time since Laila was born (or, lets be honest, well before she was born).
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finally got new contacts which means i finally plucked my eyebrows for the first time since laila was born or lets be honest well before she was born .
4,707
I wonder if the ubiquity of spell checkers will change the evolution of language? #ShowerThoughts
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i wonder if the ubiquity of spell checkers will change the evolution of language . showerthoughts
555
Well on a positive note if I can stay awake for another hour I can go get my blood work done! #positivenote fun stuff #sarcasm
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well on a positive note if i can stay awake for another hour i can go get my blood work done . positivenote fun stuff sarcasm
56
#DominicCummings Sack him. Or better yet, charge him.
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dominiccummings sack him . or better yet charge him .
3,251
facebook is so ridiculously broken. absolute garbage platform, -2/10.
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facebook is so ridiculously broken . absolute garbage platform 210 .
497
watching tik toks at full volume in the middle of the airport should be a federal offense
1
I find it irritating when people listen to videos loudly in public spaces
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watching tik toks at full volume in the middle of the airport should be a federal offense
3,690
@USER The only place where you don't wanna sit on the seat that you earned. #Irony|#Dancing |#QuiksilverGoesSupersonic
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user the only place where you dont wanna sit on the seat that you earned . ironydancing quiksilvergoessupersonic
2,534
After my Holland & Barrett parcel was damaged on its way to me, I had to send probably the most middle class e-mail of my life, asking them to please resend the order ASAP as I was running out of kombucha.
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after my holland barrett parcel was damaged on its way to me i had to send probably the most middle class email of my life asking them to please resend the order asap as i was running out of kombucha .
3,668
The day I’ve bought my own house & had an instant boiling water tap fitted is when I’ll know I’ve made it
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the day ive bought my own house had an instant boiling water tap fitted is when ill know ive made it
3,100
Just found out I have my making babies final on Thursday. Good thing I have so much time to study #NOT
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just found out i have my making babies final on thursday . good thing i have so much time to study not
1,380
Actually considering applying for the undateables
1
Why is my lovelife so dead?
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actually considering applying for the undateables
2,373
I have to live with my roommate for 2.5 more days and I question whether my sanity can even take that.
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i have to live with my roommate for 2 . 5 more days and i question whether my sanity can even take that .
4,095
Amazing how fast this team can go winning from 13 straight to losing three in a row. Lol. Horrible managing tonight. I really hope this Boone experiment is over soon.
1
The Yankees are a really bad team right now and it's amazing how fast they can fall.
1
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amazing how fast this team can go winning from 13 straight to losing three in a row . lol . horrible managing tonight . i really hope this boone experiment is over soon .
3,446
my car is acting up AGAIN for like the 3rd year in a row and I’m just going to drive it into the river at the point
1
"my car is acting up AGAIN for like the 3rd year in a row and I'm really frustrated with it right now"
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my car is acting up again for like the 3rd year in a row and im just going to drive it into the river at the point
2,934
whenever i see someone put in a bath bomb on their story i just think of that scene from the goblet of fire
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whenever i see someone put in a bath bomb on their story i just think of that scene from the goblet of fire
2,115
I love when I'm taken as a joke..makes me feel so good about myself! #NOT
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i love when im taken as a joke . makes me feel so good about myself . not
2,147
I love how @USER can stay up and tweet but can't stay up and hang out with me! #truebro #not
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i love how user can stay up and tweet but cant stay up and hang out with me . truebro not
2,890
Well that’s the last time I swear at the pizza man down the phone. :pizza: He wins. HTTPURL
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well thats the last time i swear at the pizza man down the phone . pizza he wins . httpurl
3,151
#Law&OrderSVU where rappers go to act
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lawordersvu where rappers go to act
415
milk and cookies are an undefeated delicacy
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milk and cookies are an undefeated delicacy
2,839
@USER @USER Johny UR cracking me up on Facebook chatting up my mate :grinning_squinting_face::grinning_squinting_face::grinning_squinting_face:
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user user johny ur cracking me up on facebook chatting up my mate grinningsquintingfacegrinningsquintingfacegrinningsquintingface
634
We hold these kids back.. #irony #RUT340
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we hold these kids back . irony rut340
3,055
I asked God to protect me from my enemies a long time ago .. short after I started losing friends #irony or #naah
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i asked god to protect me from my enemies a long time ago . short after i started losing friends irony or naah
1,791
Can't get over this very British weather! Remember to check under you cars and wheels for any small animals, they like to hide under cars :cat_face::dog_face:
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cant get over this very british weather . remember to check under you cars and wheels for any small animals they like to hide under cars catfacedogface
4,571
Who signed me up for a lifetime subscription to my own thoughts
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who signed me up for a lifetime subscription to my own thoughts
1,374
dont u just love when u get ready for a cancelled date two hours early . . . yeah i wasnt excited or anything
1
My date got cancelled, and I got ready for nothing.
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dont u just love when u get ready for a cancelled date two hours early . . . yeah i wasnt excited or anything
3,086
My lecturer has just posted our coursework mark (and therefore module mark) today, thanks, I guess?
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my lecturer has just posted our coursework mark and therefore module mark today thanks i guess .
2,314
Just delivered @USER #cronuts to @USER hmm #irony its for a customer I hope!! HTTPURL
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just delivered user cronuts to user hmm irony its for a customer i hope . httpurl
3,138
$4.55 now I’m a liar $VISL
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4 . 55 now im a liar visl
4,672
I doubt this week could get any better. #sarcasm
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i doubt this week could get any better . sarcasm
527
Jeudy $sad$
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jeudy sad
2,972
I love how concerned the leave voters are about conservation. Over 650 laws in place by the EU to protect our wildlife.
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i love how concerned the leave voters are about conservation . over 650 laws in place by the eu to protect our wildlife .
2,245
#TheLiesWeAllTellOurselves I will stop playing a good game and go to bed.
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thelieswealltellourselves i will stop playing a good game and go to bed .
1,877
Got to love #htafc Twitter :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing::rolling_on_the_floor_laughing::rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:
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got to love htafc twitter rollingonthefloorlaughingrollingonthefloorlaughingrollingonthefloorlaughing
3,102
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." Henry David Thoreau
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i know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor . henry david thoreau
3,128
The end of of S3E2 money heist makes me v happy
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the end of of s3e2 money heist makes me v happy
4,476
juugin everything, niggas got warrants to pay #irony
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juugin everything niggas got warrants to pay irony
2,230
me: $sad$ me after eating one blueberry: $smiley$
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me sad me after eating one blueberry smiley
964
Well, I know what I’m wearing for the school run tomorrow #dualipa #ritaora
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well i know what im wearing for the school run tomorrow dualipa ritaora
34
The good thing about college is that you're not asked to do evens or odds or even the back page of your worksheet. #Sarcasm
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the good thing about college is that youre not asked to do evens or odds or even the back page of your worksheet . sarcasm
2,042
Meanwhile in Zimbabwe the South African imposed government promises to stamp out corruption. #Irony
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meanwhile in zimbabwe the south african imposed government promises to stamp out corruption . irony
4,276
What an amazing start to the weekend! #sarcasm #ohgoditsfridayagain
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what an amazing start to the weekend . sarcasm ohgoditsfridayagain
5,025
@USER you have never seen me
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user you have never seen me
3,567
Standard Christmas newsfeed. Diamonds everywhere, everyone's engaged. Congratulations. #original #not #Christmas #engaged
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standard christmas newsfeed . diamonds everywhere everyones engaged . congratulations . original not christmas engaged
636
idk who needs to hear this, but you can let yourself cough while smoking weed. If your friends make fun of you for it, they’re just inexperienced & immature. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk
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idk who needs to hear this but you can let yourself cough while smoking weed . if your friends make fun of you for it theyre just inexperienced immature . thanks for coming to my ted talk
2,046
Travel and tourism this morning.My favourite lesson whoo #sarcasm
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travel and tourism this morning . my favourite lesson whoo sarcasm
525
THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND:heart_suit::heart_suit: HTTPURL
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thats my best friendheartsuitheartsuit httpurl
265
I’ve seen a lot of people on local Facebook groups asking AirBnB owners if they have any availability recently. If only there was a website you could use to find out if an AirBnB was available :thinking_face:
1
There is a website you could use to check if the airbnb is available
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ive seen a lot of people on local facebook groups asking airbnb owners if they have any availability recently . if only there was a website you could use to find out if an airbnb was available thinkingface
4,471
Loudwire is fucking aids.
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loudwire is fucking aids .
1,537
Good crowd at the Independence Bowl..#sarcasm
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good crowd at the independence bowl . sarcasm
4,627
#Irony: When the vapours that are emitted by cleansing solvents are emitted by contaminating chemicals. #Cleansing=#Contaminating #Vapour
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irony when the vapours that are emitted by cleansing solvents are emitted by contaminating chemicals . cleansingcontaminating vapour
3,999
Why didn't I start watching the tudors earlier? #iloveit
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why didnt i start watching the tudors earlier . iloveit
836
@USER @USER @USER @USER @USER The day the US starts acting in the manner you describe is the day I open my unicorn farm.
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user user user user user the day the us starts acting in the manner you describe is the day i open my unicorn farm .
4,905
That was a great 3 hours of sleep #Not
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that was a great 3 hours of sleep not
2,713
Please please please show your support for my dad and his charity event. 7 sprint triathlons in 7 days - HTTPURL
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please please please show your support for my dad and his charity event . 7 sprint triathlons in 7 days httpurl
4,574
@USER that's funny #not
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user thats funny not
1,961
I was in no way prepared for the emotional wringing of my soul that #TalesFromtheLoop would put me through. And the score? Stunning. If you want something beautiful, intelligent and unique to watch, give it a go. It’s on Amazon Prime. I’m off for a lie down and a cry.
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i was in no way prepared for the emotional wringing of my soul that talesfromtheloop would put me through . and the score . stunning . if you want something beautiful intelligent and unique to watch give it a go . its on amazon prime . im off for a lie down and a cry .
4,744
@USER "i feel bad for the American people, now we should invade their country in kill their children so we can save them" #sarcasm
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user i feel bad for the american people now we should invade their country in kill their children so we can save them sarcasm
2,924
Coin ! WatcherOnAWall: Anyone else find it sad that we have to remind Conservative Republicans that Torture is wrong? #TortureReport #Not..
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coin . watcheronawall anyone else find it sad that we have to remind conservative republicans that torture is wrong . torturereport not .
4,791
#irony how half of the world is suffering from obesity and the other half is dying of famine!!
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irony how half of the world is suffering from obesity and the other half is dying of famine .
563
Why does money heist do this to me :loudly_crying_face: My heart :loudly_crying_face:
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why does money heist do this to me loudlycryingface my heart loudlycryingface
425
me with an 8am chem lab on friday:loudly_crying_face::loudly_crying_face: HTTPURL
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me with an 8am chem lab on fridayloudlycryingfaceloudlycryingface httpurl
1,949
Worst mistake you can ever make is not taking ur mates advice, hands down
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worst mistake you can ever make is not taking ur mates advice hands down
2,458
Our magical cup run has come to a halt, it was good while it lasted boys #NUFC
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our magical cup run has come to a halt it was good while it lasted boys nufc
5,040
@USER that's where you are wrong, I can just watch his films and not follow him on Twitter.
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user thats where you are wrong i can just watch his films and not follow him on twitter .
4,641
Losing the keys to your car before your have to drive yourself to the airport to catch a flight is awesome. #not
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losing the keys to your car before your have to drive yourself to the airport to catch a flight is awesome . not
1,824
Spanish farmers block traffic with tractors to demand fair prices for producers HTTPURL
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spanish farmers block traffic with tractors to demand fair prices for producers httpurl
491
@USER Another misogynistic, homophobic rapper.. how shocking!
1
Many rappers seem to be homophobic.
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user another misogynistic homophobic rapper . how shocking .
3,608
Being able to “like” messages is the worst thing to happen to texting. I just told my mom I wouldn’t be home for dinner and she liked it
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being able to like messages is the worst thing to happen to texting . i just told my mom i wouldnt be home for dinner and she liked it
1,417
Dad and step mom bitching at each other, now it's Christmas :smiling_face_with_smiling_eyes::Christmas_tree::face_with_steam_from_nose: #sarcasm #ugh
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dad and step mom bitching at each other now its christmas smilingfacewithsmilingeyeschristmastreefacewithsteamfromnose sarcasm ugh
5,054
@USER @USER @USER @USER @USER @USER @USER not now guys finals #not:hundred_points:
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user user user user user user user not now guys finals nothundredpoints
4,555
@USER Sig-ni-fi-cant witter #NOT
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user significant witter not
3,353
"This is not just a black people issue, this is a HUMAN RIGHTS issue." Leslie Redmond, President, NAACP Minneapolis
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this is not just a black people issue this is a human rights issue . leslie redmond president naacp minneapolis
3,858
This shouldn't have to be such a chore :sleeping_face:
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this shouldnt have to be such a chore sleepingface
3,707
i wanted Marlow’s, jeremy wanted Osaka, so we compromised and now we’re at Marlow’s
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i wanted marlows jeremy wanted osaka so we compromised and now were at marlows