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658
@USER I was only clarifying for my LEGION of other followers. #sarcasm #NotForTheIntellectuals #DrHandsomeDennis
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user i was only clarifying for my legion of other followers . sarcasm notfortheintellectuals drhandsomedennis
2,118
Whoops. Didn't know I had to live up to other people's expectations instead of mine. Let me just fix that. #sarcasm #sorrynotsorry #soz
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whoops . didnt know i had to live up to other peoples expectations instead of mine . let me just fix that . sarcasm sorrynotsorry soz
118
yet another rainy goshen concert night:umbrella_with_rain_drops::violin: #surprised #NOT
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yet another rainy goshen concert nightumbrellawithraindropsviolin surprised not
2,026
Wow thanks for the good vibes right before my exam, parents. #sarcasm
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wow thanks for the good vibes right before my exam parents . sarcasm
2,915
@USER why all the delays? #not happy
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user why all the delays . not happy
2,624
best day of my life we got a new expensive vaccuum WOO
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best day of my life we got a new expensive vaccuum woo
407
went to check out the bios of the (exclusively) hipster dudes that work in a rival boutique goods store and found out they all traveled internationally during the pandemic :upside-down_face::upside-down_face::upside-down_face:
1
It's really frustrating that all these people traveled internationally
1
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went to check out the bios of the exclusively hipster dudes that work in a rival boutique goods store and found out they all traveled internationally during the pandemic upsidedownfaceupsidedownfaceupsidedownface
841
The fans needs to be heard tho RT @USER @USER @USER WENGER WILL NEVER QUITT.SORRY LADS.#NOT FOR FEW YEARS..
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the fans needs to be heard tho rt user user user wenger will never quitt . sorry lads . not for few years .
2,444
So I see the U.K. continues to be Strong and Stable :trade_mark:
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so i see the u . k . continues to be strong and stable trademark
2,490
I love not being able to sleep right now. #not
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i love not being able to sleep right now . not
1,015
It’s very affirming that my therapist adores all the similes/metaphors I use to describe the shit I’ve been through even if I don’t remember half of them :face_with_tears_of_joy: it’s easier for me to understand things that aren’t myself sometimes, so it’s how I generate self-empathy
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its very affirming that my therapist adores all the similesmetaphors i use to describe the shit ive been through even if i dont remember half of them facewithtearsofjoy its easier for me to understand things that arent myself sometimes so its how i generate selfempathy
4,260
Oh.. Yay! No romaine lettuce because E. Coli. No ground beef because Salmonella. What century are we living in? Don't mind me..over here eating my Taco salad sans lettuce and beef. Counting down the days until #selfsustaining HTTPURL
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oh . yay . no romaine lettuce because e . coli . no ground beef because salmonella . what century are we living in . dont mind me . over here eating my taco salad sans lettuce and beef . counting down the days until selfsustaining httpurl
4,652
Think I might have frostbite :snowflake::snowman:
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think i might have frostbite snowflakesnowman
1,831
@USER Psst. You spelt 'thing' wrong ||#irony
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user psst . you spelt thing wrong irony
4,695
That was amazing!! #USMNT
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that was amazing . usmnt
1,463
Think I might get a knock on the door from Environmental Health after that poo. Jeez, it's taking layers off my eye balls. *opens all windows wide*
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think i might get a knock on the door from environmental health after that poo . jeez its taking layers off my eye balls . opens all windows wide
5,117
Apparently it's hang up on Ashley day:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
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apparently its hang up on ashley daygrinningfacewithsmilingeyes
3,377
Absolutely love confirming collaborations with brands for them to just stop replying to all emails afterwards:upside-down_face:
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absolutely love confirming collaborations with brands for them to just stop replying to all emails afterwardsupsidedownface
745
Anyone else feel REALLY uncomfortable when the @USER pandas tell the kids “Don’t tell the adults; it’s our secret”. This is a huge Safeguarding no-no.
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anyone else feel really uncomfortable when the user pandas tell the kids dont tell the adults its our secret . this is a huge safeguarding nono .
3,531
Spooky season is sure off to a spooky start :police_car_light:
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spooky season is sure off to a spooky start policecarlight
4,719
@USER doesn't lucky and fortunate mean the same thing? #irony
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user doesnt lucky and fortunate mean the same thing . irony
5,066
Queens Of The Stone Age no Rock In Rio HTTPURL #notícias #queensofthestoneage #rockinrio
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queens of the stone age no rock in rio httpurl notícias queensofthestoneage rockinrio
5,097
No. Its actually not Friday. Today we proudly present ☆ Sunday~!☆ So.. GO ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY.
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no . its actually not friday . today we proudly present sunday . so . go enjoy your sunday .
4,557
its not that so much as his lies and deceit, @USER @USER @USER @USER @USER
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its not that so much as his lies and deceit user user user user user
178
Left home at 7.30am and still trying to get to work. I just want to cry!! #happymonday #not
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left home at 7 . 30am and still trying to get to work . i just want to cry . happymonday not
4,118
there's something so nice about my iPhone mapping the exact place I took a photo of the holy well I got lost looking for so I can map it onto ArcGIS
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theres something so nice about my iphone mapping the exact place i took a photo of the holy well i got lost looking for so i can map it onto arcgis
4,706
Cannot wait to go to the dentist later! #Sarcasm
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cannot wait to go to the dentist later . sarcasm
1,729
@USER kappa
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user kappa
5,028
Bday lily painting for @USER :purple_heart: HTTPURL
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bday lily painting for user purpleheart httpurl
2,090
@USER which one is more disturbing dan? Tickling an elf's:eggplant: or biting it.. #philisinnocent #not :beaming_face_with_smiling_eyes::water_pistol: HTTPURL
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user which one is more disturbing dan . tickling an elfseggplant or biting it . philisinnocent not beamingfacewithsmilingeyeswaterpistol httpurl
1,426
I’m buzzing to get back to my double workouts tomorrow.
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im buzzing to get back to my double workouts tomorrow .
392
MLS Transactions 2015 #MLS HTTPURL making waves again #sarcasm 2 b fair it will take more than 2 players to fix this
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mls transactions 2015 mls httpurl making waves again sarcasm 2 b fair it will take more than 2 players to fix this
2,140
#Irony: Historians collecting correct facts about wrong abuse. #Correct=#Wrong #FactAboutAbuse
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irony historians collecting correct facts about wrong abuse . correctwrong factaboutabuse
1,090
@USER @USER they probably filled in the ground with something too dense for the roots to get into. clay or something like that
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user user they probably filled in the ground with something too dense for the roots to get into . clay or something like that
3,060
@USER @USER Agreed; I played through the entire mainline metroid series for the first time this summer and Other M wasn't nearly as bad as people say. Certainly far from the best metroid game, but still a good time.
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user user agreed i played through the entire mainline metroid series for the first time this summer and other m wasnt nearly as bad as people say . certainly far from the best metroid game but still a good time .
3,206
I got tampons! #not HTTPURL
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i got tampons . not httpurl
3,015
When youurr Ubereats driver is legit two minutes away from your house, and then cancels your order, saying you didn’t answer the door. :woman_detective_light_skin_tone: :face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle: I know you ate my food Randy, I hope it gave you diarrhea :face_with_steam_from_nose:
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when youurr ubereats driver is legit two minutes away from your house and then cancels your order saying you didnt answer the door . womandetectivelightskintone facewithmonoclefacewithmonoclefacewithmonocle i know you ate my food randy i hope it gave you diarrhea facewithsteamfromnose
110
Hermbe was a good dog :money_with_wings::pile_of_poo::eggplant:
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hermbe was a good dog moneywithwingspileofpooeggplant
4,406
@USER At the same length, we should not forget about the fundamental communal sanghi Hindu fanatic RSS in our backyard. #Sarcasm
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user at the same length we should not forget about the fundamental communal sanghi hindu fanatic rss in our backyard . sarcasm
3,081
Bmw i8 sexy az hell but too slow for the dinero 12.4 in the quarter mile slow #fan of the design#not feeling the.. HTTPURL
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bmw i8 sexy az hell but too slow for the dinero 12 . 4 in the quarter mile slow fan of the designnot feeling the . httpurl
2,440
@USER feeding your own flesh and blood/making an alley way smell terrible = same, same. #not #90ssarcasm #thesun #thingsthatarewrong
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user feeding your own flesh and bloodmaking an alley way smell terrible same same . not 90ssarcasm thesun thingsthatarewrong
4,545
Few things are more amazingly wonderful than getting up early on a Monday morning to start the work week!! #sarcasm #needmoresleep :sleeping_face::zz::confused_face:
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few things are more amazingly wonderful than getting up early on a monday morning to start the work week . sarcasm needmoresleep sleepingfacezzconfusedface
1,223
I love when my parents yell and scream at me and then get pissed at me for crying.
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i love when my parents yell and scream at me and then get pissed at me for crying .
1,887
So happy i havent gone to bed yet #not
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so happy i havent gone to bed yet not
4,200
Dang my selfie game is on point when I'm drinking #not #actuallysorry
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dang my selfie game is on point when im drinking not actuallysorry
1,037
@USER @USER Thank you so much for your insightful thoughts- I’m sure @USER is overjoyed that you “quite like him”
1
“I’m pretty sure Sajid Javid does not care that you do or don’t like him”
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user user thank you so much for your insightful thoughts im sure user is overjoyed that you quite like him
5,120
How could he kill is best friend #not #a true #friend
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how could he kill is best friend not a true friend
2,084
Sometimes I feel like all this effort is just like sticking diamond encrusted alloys on a knackered Corsa. I mean, shit is what it is at the end of the day.
1
Therapy can only do so much.
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sometimes i feel like all this effort is just like sticking diamond encrusted alloys on a knackered corsa . i mean shit is what it is at the end of the day .
4,442
trying to watch narnia and nathan and michael are fully sat here trying to figure out how the time zones between narnia and earth work
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trying to watch narnia and nathan and michael are fully sat here trying to figure out how the time zones between narnia and earth work
4,421
Wow I feel great #sarcasm
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wow i feel great sarcasm
2,628
Turns out a sausage butty from burger king is just a burger. Really enjoyed eating that at half 8 in the morning. #sarcasm #feelshit
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turns out a sausage butty from burger king is just a burger . really enjoyed eating that at half 8 in the morning . sarcasm feelshit
2,235
Constipated from eating nothing but shit for three weeks. #irony
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constipated from eating nothing but shit for three weeks . irony
2,501
@USER buut fast iteration and prototyping to production-ready code! #sarcasm
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user buut fast iteration and prototyping to productionready code . sarcasm
4,972
My first tweet! Hello twitter, let's see what you can do.. #newbie
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my first tweet . hello twitter lets see what you can do . newbie
532
Bruh on god I don’t be aiming anything directly towards anyone if I do I’m say it to your face. Idgaf about myself tf makes anyone think igaf about them and they feelings if I don’t like them :woozy_face:
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bruh on god i dont be aiming anything directly towards anyone if i do im say it to your face . idgaf about myself tf makes anyone think igaf about them and they feelings if i dont like them woozyface
4,248
@USER @USER I love button pushers! #sarcasm
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user user i love button pushers . sarcasm
3,284
my mom just called the spatula, an “egg flipper”
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my mom just called the spatula an egg flipper
1,319
Oh god I just so happens that i love really LOVE slow internet #slowinternet #sarcasm
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oh god i just so happens that i love really love slow internet slowinternet sarcasm
435
Hopefully this will stop people thinking we will challenge for Europe this season as well
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hopefully this will stop people thinking we will challenge for europe this season as well
3,380
Remember that time when I was grieving and realized I've been wearing the same shirt for three days? Good, me either.
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remember that time when i was grieving and realized ive been wearing the same shirt for three days . good me either .
2,169
Song of the Day: "Love Like Winter" - A Fire Inside.
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song of the day love like winter a fire inside .
3,897
hey @USER i’m free tomorrow btw. The 14th. I’m free on the 14th. Tomorrow. fyi:grinning_face_with_big_eyes:
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hey user im free tomorrow btw . the 14th . im free on the 14th . tomorrow . fyigrinningfacewithbigeyes
4,788
FaceTimed with my parents last night while they were with my 6-year-old nephew. I’ve been missing him like crazy worried about being away from him for months, so I asked him if he remembers me. His response? “I always will.” :red_heart::red_heart::red_heart:
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facetimed with my parents last night while they were with my 6yearold nephew . ive been missing him like crazy worried about being away from him for months so i asked him if he remembers me . his response . i always will . redheartredheartredheart
1,307
Yay for my family leaving & going to Seneca & leaving me to fend for myself. #Not
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yay for my family leaving going to seneca leaving me to fend for myself . not
4,813
Yes, I am taking royalties for the phrase “Thiccle Mistress, which I definitely just made up - thanks for asking
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yes i am taking royalties for the phrase thiccle mistress which i definitely just made up thanks for asking
2,973
@USER I'm truly at peace #NOT
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user im truly at peace not
1,640
Only yelled at one person while biking home this evening. Improvement!
1
I had to yell at someone while biking home today.
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only yelled at one person while biking home this evening . improvement .
1,597
So I have an exam tomorrow, but likee if the country is about to turn into a war zone does it really matter??
1
I have to take this exam even when the world is falling apart.
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so i have an exam tomorrow but likee if the country is about to turn into a war zone does it really matter .
13
Your friends will bring you down because they fucked up what they had males & females #not me fool !
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your friends will bring you down because they fucked up what they had males females not me fool .
4,439
Oh, thank GOD - our entire office email system is down.. the day of a big event. Santa, you know JUST what to get me for xmas. #sarcasm
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oh thank god our entire office email system is down . the day of a big event . santa you know just what to get me for xmas . sarcasm
1,819
Has any couple ever put furniture together and stayed together afterwards?? Asking for myself
1
I could have said putting furniture together with your significant other is not easy
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has any couple ever put furniture together and stayed together afterwards . asking for myself
2,111
@USER so funny lolololol #not
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user so funny lolololol not
817
Oh it's just Skrillex no big deal.. I see him on the daily.. #sarcasm #skrillex #rave #edm.. HTTPURL
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oh its just skrillex no big deal . i see him on the daily . sarcasm skrillex rave edm . httpurl
156
@USER Thank you for your service and welcome back to the Land of the Free! Bet you have some great stories! :United_States:
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user thank you for your service and welcome back to the land of the free . bet you have some great stories . unitedstates
219
Ok but seriously. Why did Hasting’s go back to Carmichael and tell her? Setting her up for the next season? Or am I just clutching at straws?! Considering he was appealing too?Surely there’s another one, it didn’t tie the ends up it asked more questions! Thurwell wasn’t dead?!
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ok but seriously . why did hastings go back to carmichael and tell her . setting her up for the next season . or am i just clutching at straws . considering he was appealing too . surely theres another one it didnt tie the ends up it asked more questions . thurwell wasnt dead .
269
480 W crawling at 7:30 am. Great start to Thursday. #CLEtraffic #cleveland #traffic
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480 w crawling at 730 am . great start to thursday . cletraffic cleveland traffic
3,250
More affordable prices? HTTPURL
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more affordable prices . httpurl
5,108
@USER @USER @USER @USER don't forget @USER and @USER (they're as smart & kind as lovely)
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user user user user dont forget user and user theyre as smart kind as lovely
3,174
Fat Patty's and Applebee's have very similar energies, but they're unmatched. It's like wrong step and I'm gonna end up in the other restaurant with no way back
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fat pattys and applebees have very similar energies but theyre unmatched . its like wrong step and im gonna end up in the other restaurant with no way back
927
@USER Yes ara i am not, and you know that. Hahaha :speak-no-evil_monkey: #Irony :face_with_tears_of_joy:
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user yes ara i am not and you know that . hahaha speaknoevilmonkey irony facewithtearsofjoy
1,364
Being a business major is legal conversion therapy and must be stopped
1
Most business majors are straight people
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being a business major is legal conversion therapy and must be stopped
4,190
My boy has another cold and spent the night coughing and sneezing all over me #sexy #not
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my boy has another cold and spent the night coughing and sneezing all over me sexy not
229
i love 6 hour panic attacks
1
I don't like having 6-hour panic attacks.
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i love 6 hour panic attacks
3,312
Hard to imagine a better start to Saturday than running through the forest listening to NRC’s “One Hour Run”, Coach Bennett’s love letter to running. Thanks Coach @USER this is my favourite audio guided run so far :folded_hands: #nikehalfmarathontrainingplan #week12complete
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hard to imagine a better start to saturday than running through the forest listening to nrcs one hour run coach bennetts love letter to running . thanks coach user this is my favourite audio guided run so far foldedhands nikehalfmarathontrainingplan week12complete
1,890
man i sure do love offensive line highlights
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man i sure do love offensive line highlights
1,635
The Interview has been cancelled, not because of north korea but because the immense comedy would blow our mortal minds #sarcasm
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the interview has been cancelled not because of north korea but because the immense comedy would blow our mortal minds sarcasm
5,096
Just in case anyone was wondering, Veni Vidi Vici in Spanish is Vine Vi Vencí #studybreaks #UMDFinalsWeek
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just in case anyone was wondering veni vidi vici in spanish is vine vi vencí studybreaks umdfinalsweek
3,279
@USER No clue what you were talking about? Well that's a first! #not
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user no clue what you were talking about . well thats a first . not
2,229
Andrews really trying to explain to me that football and rupauls drag race aren’t the same thing when it in fact is the same thing.
1
Football and RuPual's Drag Race are wildly different shows.
1
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andrews really trying to explain to me that football and rupauls drag race arent the same thing when it in fact is the same thing .
4,983
Can’t wait to be back at uni so I can order more shoes and clothes without my mum telling me off x
1
When I go to uni Im going to spend more
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cant wait to be back at uni so i can order more shoes and clothes without my mum telling me off x
2,792
Well my mornings going very nicely:smiling_face_with_smiling_eyes: #not
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well my mornings going very nicelysmilingfacewithsmilingeyes not
4,488
Get in Notts. Awesome #Notts @USER
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get in notts . awesome notts user
1,956
I have a small jacket on , with a big coat for later , I'm back at the train stn going back into town , work Xmas do #joy #not
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i have a small jacket on with a big coat for later im back at the train stn going back into town work xmas do joy not
3,704
@USER funny #Not
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user funny not
482
@USER Bringing together 2 of the best things in life: tea and The Maccabees - Young Lyons
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user bringing together 2 of the best things in life tea and the maccabees young lyons
3,141
everyone say a prayer to the insurance gods that they approve my heart monitor so that i may continue to have the privilege of being alive. i love the US health care system
1
I hate the US health care system.
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everyone say a prayer to the insurance gods that they approve my heart monitor so that i may continue to have the privilege of being alive . i love the us health care system
714
Ppl keep snapping me and I can't snap back because I'm looking too good rn #sarcasm
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ppl keep snapping me and i cant snap back because im looking too good rn sarcasm
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Gotta love the "friends" I have out here hahahah #not #nosuchthing
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gotta love the friends i have out here hahahah not nosuchthing
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@USER // LOL..Apparently I leave a big impression. #sarcasm
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user lol . apparently i leave a big impression . sarcasm
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@USER If you're loving this game, we've got a few desserts you might enjoy. #Turnovers #OREvsFSU even Arby's is talking smack to FSU
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user if youre loving this game weve got a few desserts you might enjoy . turnovers orevsfsu even arbys is talking smack to fsu