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Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ? | 1722130b73bfc549470a8a32b6685d3319c339824a5d2233cb56dbdaaf4a06d5 | [
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"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
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"content": "No, that's what it's for! It's not like LinkedIn where you confirm a connection. Twitter ... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I've got two: one personal where I talk shite, one where I tweet work stuff. They're clea... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
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"content": "No, that's what it's for! It's not like LinkedIn where you confirm a connection. Twitter ... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ? | 1722130b73bfc549470a8a32b6685d3319c339824a5d2233cb56dbdaaf4a06d5 | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "No, that's what it's for! It's not like LinkedIn where you confirm a connection. Twitter ... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Why would that be weird?",
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] | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "No, that's what it's for! It's not like LinkedIn where you confirm a connection. Twitter ... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ? | 1722130b73bfc549470a8a32b6685d3319c339824a5d2233cb56dbdaaf4a06d5 | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "If you join academic twitter, don't be one of those academics who occasionally like a por... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I've got two: one personal where I talk shite, one where I tweet work stuff. They're clea... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "If you join academic twitter, don't be one of those academics who occasionally like a por... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ? | 1722130b73bfc549470a8a32b6685d3319c339824a5d2233cb56dbdaaf4a06d5 | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "If you join academic twitter, don't be one of those academics who occasionally like a por... | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Why would that be weird?",
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] | [
{
"content": "Weird Academia Twitter As a student (Bachelor’s and Masters) would it be weird to follow professors on Twitter to keep up with research and topics in your field ?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "If you join academic twitter, don't be one of those academics who occasionally like a por... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 9.1875 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 6.06383 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I'm a professor at a communi... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | 10 | 8.276596 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | 10 | 4.263158 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "You have great autonomy in y... | 10 | 0 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 8.65521 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 7.278707 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 6.711201 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 62,
"raw_score_ratio": 3.2631578947,
"raw_score_rejected": 19,
"seconds_difference": 2304,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 62,
"raw_score_ratio": 12.4,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 2860,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 62,
"raw_score_ratio": 15.5,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 2225,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can work any 60 hours I wa... | 8.974359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 62,
"raw_score_ratio": 20.6666666667,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 2716,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | 8.012821 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 47,
"raw_score_ratio": 9.4,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 467,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I can't think if a job with ... | 8.012821 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 47,
"raw_score_ratio": 15.6666666667,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 323,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 6.721851 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.5217391304,
"raw_score_rejected": 23,
"seconds_difference": 5221,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 6.401484 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.8421052632,
"raw_score_rejected": 19,
"seconds_difference": 7080,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 4.354701 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 3.8888888889,
"raw_score_rejected": 9,
"seconds_difference": 2344,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 1.24359 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 7,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 7636,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 8.75,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 7001,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 1.24359 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 7,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 3109,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm in the US. I would use ... | 7.24359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 35,
"raw_score_ratio": 11.6666666667,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 7492,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | 6.474359 | 6.263833 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 23,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.2105263158,
"raw_score_rejected": 19,
"seconds_difference": 1859,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | 6.474359 | 2.874359 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 23,
"raw_score_ratio": 4.6,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 2415,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | 6.474359 | 1.724359 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 23,
"raw_score_ratio": 5.75,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 1780,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It depends on the fields and... | 6.474359 | 0 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 23,
"raw_score_ratio": 7.6666666667,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 2271,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | 6.217949 | 3.417949 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 19,
"raw_score_ratio": 3.8,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 556,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yea. It's probably one of th... | 6.217949 | 0.884615 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | 5.576923 | 4.776923 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 9,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.8,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 5292,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | 5.576923 | 4.326923 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 9,
"raw_score_ratio": 2.25,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 4657,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | 5.576923 | 4.776923 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 9,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.8,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 765,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Couldn't imagine having more... | 5.576923 | 3.576923 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 9,
"raw_score_ratio": 3,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 5148,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 5.184615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.2,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 18066,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "You have the freedom to do w... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 5.048718 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 7,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.4,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 24388,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 4.884615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.5,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 17431,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 4.698718 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 7,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.75,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 23753,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | 5.320513 | 5.070513 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 5,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.25,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 3892,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | 5.320513 | 5.070513 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 5,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.25,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 22505,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "It varies massively. My most... | 5.25641 | 4.923077 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 4,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.3333333333,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 491,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 5.282051 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 7,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.1666666667,
"raw_score_rejected": 6,
"seconds_difference": 6322,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 5.184615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.2,
"raw_score_rejected": 5,
"seconds_difference": 13539,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 4.884615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 1.5,
"raw_score_rejected": 4,
"seconds_difference": 5555,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 4.384615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 2,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 17922,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies a lot by country, fie... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I'm a department chair and I... | 5.384615 | 4.384615 | {
"domain": "askacademia_train",
"post_id": "psjraw",
"raw_score_chosen": 6,
"raw_score_ratio": 2,
"raw_score_rejected": 3,
"seconds_difference": 8252,
"source": "stanfordnlp/SHP",
"upvote_ratio": 0.96
} |
Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
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"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 5.048718 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 4.698718 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 5.048718 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 4.115385 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies a lot by country, fie... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 4.115385 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I work as a research student... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "I will offer my viewpoint as... | 5.448718 | 4.115385 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Varies strongly. I teach a c... | 5.320513 | 4.653846 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | 5.320513 | 5.070513 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | 5.25641 | 4.923077 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies a lot by country, fie... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
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{
"content": "My perspective is as a medic... | 5.25641 | 4.923077 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Yes, there is quite a bit of... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | 5.320513 | 4.653846 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
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"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Varies a lot by country, fie... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | 5.320513 | 4.653846 | {
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Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do? | 240638c21fbe2ec1281eb8bc5e0ce16d45f9006b3f4a4df68caf8926af92f3bf | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "I work as a research student... | [
{
"content": "Do professors have freedom? Hi everyone. To any professor or anyone that knows one, what’s being a professor like, do you have freedom regarding your schedule/working hours and research topics or do you get told what to do?",
"role": "user"
},
{
"content": "Recently resigned professor ... | 5.320513 | 4.653846 | {
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
{
"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | 6.794872 | 6.461538 | {
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on making friends in grad school (particularly outside of their grad program), I'd really appreciate it. If you want/need details on my specific situation and why I'm asking, see below.* I started my Ph.D. last year, which wasn't the easiest time to move and begin a new program. Against the odds, I made friends with a few fellow students last February. Everything seemed great. However, a couple of months in, one student in particular (I'll call her A) started displaying some toxic behavior. At first, it was things like subtly putting down others when they did well or did a homework problem correctly when A got it wrong. Then it was talking about other friends in the group (particularly a young woman I'll call B, but everyone) behind their backs. The badmouthing could take a lot of forms. For example, she would say that B's fiance (who proposed to her last semester) was an alcoholic and a drug addict (he's not) and that we would probably need to hold an intervention when the relationship hit rock bottom in a couple years. She spoke horribly about B when they got engaged (what did she see in him, he's awkward, B is settling, B just got lucky finding love, B's fiance won't be happy with her forever, etc.). Other negative comments included others in the group being immature, liking gossip, being bad/unethical about research, being unproductive, naive, stupid, bad with money, etc. Things escalated when she tried to ice B out of the group (B didn't do something A wanted; A never told B she wanted this thing). At this point, I stepped in and continued hanging out with B despite A. A then decided to make up with B (although she is still mad, even enraged, and will talk about it given a chance). However, B thinks that this was just a small fight between the two of them. She doesn't know that A stopped inviting her to things (and attempted to get me to do the same) or that B still continually badmouths her. B thinks they are still good friends. For some, some definitions of friendship, maybe they are. After that, I started to realize that A has a history of turbulent relationships. She is not friends with any of her friends from high school or college (her words). She has already fallen out with at least two members of her cohort (she has been here a year longer than I have). Despite this, A is both charismatic and manipulative, which I think enables her to continually get away with how she treats people. In any case, I realized that it was only a matter of time until she got angry with me -- which is what happened less than a month later. I asked her about it after I realized what was going on. Apparently, it's because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch a particular movie and because I corrected her on homework a couple of times (e.g., "I don't think the answer to X can be Y because X divided by Z is not Y" -- I wasn't mean about it). The last two things made her question our friendship. She also told me that she only became friends with me because she felt sorry for me because of COVID, that we only became friends she had recently fallen out with a different friend, and so forth. Just a whole slew of statements that I'm sure were designed to hurt me. I also tried to talk with her about the badmouthing thing, which only resulted in her gaslighting me - she tried to tell me that she hadn't said any of those things, which is just BS because she said them all the time. At that point, I knew there was no recovering the relationship, and I was no longer interested in interacting with her. It doesn't seem worth it. Here are my questions. However, really any advice or perspective would be great. * How should I handle this situation appropriately? I see graduate school as being a professional environment. How can I minimize damage? I'm worried about my reputation in the department given A's tendency to badmouth everyone. Typically if I didn't want to be friends with someone I would slowly distance myself by becoming busy with other things, but that seems hard given that everything with A generally seems very dramatic (she spread rumors and tried to complain to the department about one of the students she fell out with last year). * Does it make sense for me to distance myself from this friend group as a whole? Can I do that in academia or would that count as shutting the door on potentially useful relationships? * Does B deserve to know? I am inclined not to say anything because I don't think it would do any good, but I've had some friends give me the opposite advice. * Any tips for how I can avoid situations or people like this in the future? *TL;DR - I made a toxic friend in my first year of grad school. Now I'm just exhausted from all of this want to figure out a way of distancing myself gracefully and moving on with my Ph.D. without being totally socially isolated.* | a25d932b632733eb717d57c09a44557b13d565487e5a854b542adf197777d161 | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | [
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"content": "Advice for dealing with toxic fellow graduate student(s) *Thanks in advance for any advice. I've been blessed with un-dramatic, secure, and emotionally mature friends (which is great), but it's left me unsure how to handle all of this. At this point, I mostly just want to be rid of the drama. Also... | 5.192308 | 4.692308 | {
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