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**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Maybe you think about it in terms of, again, "What am I optimizing for? What do I care most about? How am I putting forth effort?" Your level of skill around all that you do professionally... You've switched from doing actual programming, development etc. to talking about it and helping ot... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So maybe I don't wanna allocate all of my resources in this one lane over here, because it doesn't actually take me in the direction that I wanna go... And that's why I'm not gonna focus my effort or attention in that way. And we all have that choice. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah, yeah. The bad side though is when the phone dies, or the cloud is gone, then you kind of are stuck though... Right? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, but here's the other sort of negative consequence I would see is that when I look at -- and really researchers, when we say "What is it that helps people do the best, and survive in this world?", it really is this idea of resilience; like I can bounce back. And if everything is easy ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Ease. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So now, everytime I encounter an obstacle or a challenge, I might make inferences around that, be it around my capabilities, or around the plausibility or possibility of something actually coming to pass. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Gotta pay attention, you know? To make those memories, you've gotta pay attention. Without your attention on things there's no memory going in. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. And so for our listeners, I really just want them to take away that they can make choices around how they do different things. We've talked about attention being an allocation of resources, and the competition involved in that, to say "What things are important to me to remember?" an... |
I also am very deliberate around events and experiences with my children, because there's always this possibility of threat, of loss. I'm not in charge of all the things that happen in life, and so I try to enhance my awareness of certain senses; in day-to-day life I might take a step back and just try to take it all i... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[32:03\] I'm curious what the specifics are around that, but I'm assuming it might be like "present and aware". What matters right now is what's happening right now, and it takes awareness. So the idea of "be present, here and now", and be aware, attention - it would seem key in enjoying the moment... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. So Adam, what you're saying is my memory will improve as based upon my ability to pay attention. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** You're right. And that's why recognizing this sense of encoding, I have to actually get the data in before I can provide an output, because there's not gonna be any retrieval to put back out there if I didn't encode it in the first place. |
So you guys talk about coding so many different things... What would it be like if you actually looked at yourself and started to be considerate of the way in which your coding, the framework of your mind and how you're doing your day-to-day life...? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You're really talking what we talked about in episode 11, which was competing for attention... This idea that -- I lost my thought. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Hang in there... Because it was competitive. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It was around being distracted, and I was being distracted, because something buzzed on my phone when I thought half a second about what I was thinking about. But it's exactly that, right? If you want to learn, and you have to pay attention, well then it seems like you shouldn't be distracted. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So you almost have to identify the opposite to understand the full spectrum of what you should do. So to pay attention, don't be distracted. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, and for you it's sort of looking - and when I say "you", I mean you the listener - at that zone that is optimal for you to embed the information. So going "Is there a time of day, are there certain constraints or situations, environmental factors, like "Who's present, who's not?" All... |
This is the challenge in trying to navigate ourselves in our world - we're not always aware of all that's going on beneath the surface, or all of the different systems at play in our brain throughout our days. But if I can offer an opportunity for change to our listeners, I would say I want you to start to be more cons... |
• The concept of perfectionism and its distinction from striving for excellence |
• Brené Brown's definition of perfectionism as a shield to protect against shame, judgment, or blame |
• The negative consequences of perfectionism, including procrastination, rigidity in thinking, lack of creativity, and constraining one's mental framework |
• The interplay between vulnerability, creativity, and the pursuit of perfection |
• The idea that people often use perfectionism as a defense mechanism to avoid feelings of shame or inadequacy |
• The concept of an "external approval" and how it can lead individuals to prioritize perfection over self-expression and authenticity |
• The importance of self-perception and how it can be influenced by feedback from others |
• The potential risks of basing self-worth on external validation |
• Decoupling self-perception from external feedback to develop a more secure sense of identity |
• Understanding perfectionism as a complex construct with various factors, including excessive concern over making mistakes, high personal standards, and preference for organization and orderliness |
• Research on the validity of perfectionism, including the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale and its six contributing factors |
• Distinguishing between functional and maladaptive aspects of perfectionism |
• Different types of perfectionism, such as self-oriented, socially-prescribed, and other-oriented perfectionism |
• Socially-prescribed perfectionism's impact on physical and mental health |
• The effects of external pressure to perform at a certain level on work and personal life |
• Perfectionism in the workplace: expectations vs. reality and the consequences for employees' well-being |
• Research on perfectionism and job performance, including findings from a meta-analysis of 95 studies |
• Excellence-seeking perfectionism involves fixating on and demanding high standards |
• Failure-avoiding perfectionism involves obsessive concern with avoiding failure to reach high-performance standards |
• Both sub-dimensions of perfectionism can lead to struggles in the workplace |
• Procrastination can be a manifestation of perfectionism, specifically related to fear of negative response or failure |
• A middle ground between excellence-seeking and failure-avoiding perfectionism may exist, which could be characterized as healthy striving or normal neurotic perfectionism |
• Healthy perfectionism involves setting high standards, being motivated by them, and focusing on effort and opportunity rather than avoiding failure |
• Key aspects of healthy perfectionism include considering the value of pursuing goals despite potential for failure or vulnerability |
• Making mini-goals to buffer against threats or loss |
• Enjoying the process and outcomes together |
• Bouncing back from failure and setbacks |
• Managing anxiety related to goals and outcomes |
• Recognizing mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning |
• Being reactive around criticism due to perfectionism |
• The importance of having a supportive team or "board of advisors" to provide feedback and guidance |
• Vulnerability in the workplace, being open with others about goals and constraints to receive effective feedback and support |
• Healthy striving vs perfectionism |
• Importance of acknowledging contextual factors in task outcomes |
• Role of tools and resources in achieving goals |
• Value of effort over outcomes |
• Recognizing when high standards are unrealistic or unhelpful |
• Embracing the possibility of aversive consequences for potential benefits |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** I'm sure you've heard it said before, "to err is human", and yet I think that while many of us have heard that statement, a lot of us also still prefer to not err, and dare I say, be perfect. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yes. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Even though I wouldn't attest to saying, "Oh, I'm really striving to reach perfection," there's this little voice, and I think all of us hear it at different times in different ways, that says "If only you did, you coulda/woulda/shoulda done a little bit better, and then you could have gotten ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I totally agree with that. I mean, I think that there's a part of us that is always attempting to reach a variation of perfect, and there's obviously an ism to that perfectionism, and there's sides of it. There's healthy sides of perfectionism, which is striving towards greatness, which is a good th... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. I sometimes joke around everybody's, to some degree, appropriately neurotic. We all have our habits or ways, and generally speaking, there's a range of appropriately neurotic. Well, the same thing we could say that there's, in terms of perfectionism, that there's a way that it works bett... |
I'm sure we've talked about Brené Brown before, but if you haven't heard of her, go check her out. Once upon a time, she worked for the University of Houston in their College of Social Work before she went on to do a ton of research around shame and vulnerability and connection. And so she actually distinguishes betwee... |
\[04:16\] So really, perfectionism, as a construct, is this sense of being a gerbil on a wheel, like "Never enough, never enough, never enough", because I always could do more. So Psychology Today, in one of their articles said "Perfection, of course, is an abstraction and an impossibility in reality, and striving for ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** No, I guess the lack of creativity will come when you put so much pressure on yourself that you feel like any direction you go or move is not in the perfect direction, and so you just don't move, or your movements that you take aren't as creative because you have limits and boundaries that are perce... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, there's so many ways that I can talk about creativity as a thing, but it really comes from who we are as people. So I really can't think of a more vulnerable way in which we show up in the world than being creative, and that can be, goodness gracious, just about anything. |
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