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bilibili_data_1717255124_BV1Ba411b7mL_p56_BV1Ba411b7mL_p56_m4-dialogue_0967239
[S1] I'm here all the time. [S2] Oh, yeah, but I kid you not, though, there was this one lady, Carol, poor Carol, she said, "Who are you? I don't know who you are. Explain yourself." [S1] What? [S2] And I was like, "Oh, this is terrible. Well, here's my resume." [S1] Well, I mean, what... [S2] Yikes. [S1] You're very acclaimed. I will tell Carol exactly who you are. [S2] Dear, dear Carol, I hope you tune in, and I'm sorry you didn't know who I was, but I promise we'll give you a good show. [S1] We'll give you
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[S1] And I said, "Am I gonna do this right now? I'm gonna do this right now. Okay." So I danced for him, and he really liked my dancing. And then he said, "Will you sing?" And I was like, "Sure." And then I sing for him, and he- he really likes my singing. He was like, "Great." And I said- he said, "Will- will you read?" And I said, "No." [S2] What? [S1] And he said, "No?" And I was like, "No, sir." And- [S2] You don't say "no" to- to- to- [S1] I- I realized that, but- [S2] No.
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[S1] Um, no, I had said the night before, I was like, "Look, these scenes, like, these are Tony Kushner expanded scenes. They can be wordy and they're important. You gotta nail it." And quite frankly, I'm not in the business of going in a room as a black woman and not getting it right. You gotta come here prepared. And I was just like, "I'm gonna tell him no, but I'd love to come back." And so he, the, literally, that was his next question after I couldn't get the rest of my declarative statement out. [S2] Wow. [S1] And, uh- [S2] Good for you. [S1] He said, "Well, you come back." And I said, "I'd be honored." And then, you know, a couple weeks later, he called me in
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[S1] ... nail salon with the foils on my nails. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And he said, "Hi, it's Steve, and I'm on an airplane." And I was like, "That is so great." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Um, one second- [S2] Hi, Steven Spielberg's on the phone. [S1] Oh. [S2] Get everyone just quiet down. It's happening. [S1] With, with that drying over there. [S2] [LAUGHS] Yeah. [S1] So now- [S2] This is real over here. [S1] And he, he asked me if I would be his Anita, and I was like- [S2] You're Anita. [S1] Um- [S2] You've got the biggest song in the movie. [S1] Yeah, crazy, crazy. [S2] America, you've got the- [S1] I can't be- [S2] Shh. [S1] [LAUGHS] I can't believe it.
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[S1] It's gorgeous, by the way. [S2] Thank you. [S1] Uh, uh, it, it is, uh, w- was it like on set? I mean, is it- [S2] Oh, it's wild. I mean, Steven Sp- Spielberg- [S1] Mm. [S2] ... sets are huge. Um, but it's like- [S1] The wardrobe is great. The choreography- [S2] Mm-hmm. Every-
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[S1] Everything. I mean, Paul Daswell's costumes, it's like a color explosion. [S2] It's amazing. [S1] But I kid you not, it's like going to summer camp, and Steven and Tony are your camp counselors, and, you know- [S2] Wow. [S1] ... we finish, like, six days of dance at the gym, and I'm really tired, and I'm eating a Pop-Tart, and Steven's like, "Atti, what is that?" And I said, "It's a Pop-Tart. Are you judging me?" And he was like, "No. What flavor are you eating?" And I said, "Cinnamon sugar." [S2] Ooh.
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[S1] Guillermo and him had such a short hand that it was really fun to work with the two of them. Most of my stuff is with Bradley. Uh, you know, we were inventing stuff. We were playing around with stuff. Sometimes that stuff doesn't make it in the movie, but you kind of feel like- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that, that informs what is in the movie and kind of, uh, uh, sends the scenes, uh, on their way.
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] Run out. [S1] Go out. [S2] Wear a mask and enjoy. [S1] Check him out. Wear a mask and enjoy. [S2] Enjoy. [S1] Yeah, that's, uh, I mean, did you, uh, was it so secretive? Uh, 'cause I didn't, I had no idea you were in this movie. Uh, I'm, I know you knew that you were in it, but, um, did the, did they, like, hide it? Did they have you wear, um, you know,
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[S1] Oh, thank you. [S2] Uh- [S1] Love being back virtual. [S2] Yeah, I know. I know, but I guess, uh, you have to be extra, extra, extra careful. [S1] Yes, I'm, I'm living a very, uh, monastic lifestyle right now. [S2] Yeah. [S1] A fantastic monastic life, man.
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[S1] I, I think I, I play 11 at my last count, but I'm, there's other characters that I'm talking to that I'm not playing, but yes, it's, it's pretty nuts. Uh, I feel like I've, I've gone a little bit nuts. I think, uh, even somehow in a mask, I can still, people still know I'm talking to myself walking around. [S2] Just practicing your lines? [S1] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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[S1] Yeah. The original, uh, the original, uh, uh, show starred Lily Tomlin, uh, and, uh, Jane Wagner, who's, uh, uh, the, the writer, and they, they- [S2] Yes. [S1] They, they're producing this? They're executive producers on this? [S2] Yes. They-
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[S1] Jane's story, but they were excited. You know, they were like, "Yeah, call us on opening." So right after the show, Lee and I are, have the phone in our hand and we call and Jane said, "Hi," and we went, "Hi," and then she went, "Who is this?" [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] That's a good bit.
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[S1] Yeah. If it was a bit. We never, we'll never know. [S2] Is, is there any way to set this up? [S1] It's, uh, it's, it's a re, uh, we're redoing Lily's show, but really it's kind of, uh, it's exploring human connection, basically, at a, you know, at a time when we haven't really gotten to have it, and especially after
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[S1] Yes, it was at, my dad and my step-mom were there, uh, at I/O, at the showcase, and they were sitting in front of Lauren, but they were, they knew he was there, and so they were so nervous. Um, I saw them after, and they looked, they were so pale, it's like they'd seen a ghost, and it was like, "Wow, was I, was it that bad?" Um, you could've, you could've laughed. But then I realized- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... it was better than, there was, like, another girl there who was, uh, clearly, you know, trying to,
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[S1] I was telling everybody, 'cause, uh, before the show, I was telling you how long I've known you. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, uh, I was just starting out. I was, uh, 17. Uh, it was 20 years ago, and you were so nice to me. I'll never, ever forget it, as long as I live. [S2] And- and it's there with this folks. [S1] I was there, yeah. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Dad, exactly. And you talk to, you were so nice. You were like, you're like, uh, you go, "Oh, whoa, are you gonna get into this? Well, good luck. Stick, stick with it, practice, get up, try," you know. You were just so,
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[S1] It's great the, um, one of my daughters, Lacy Goranson, who plays Becky in the show. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Has written the script that we're gonna do next week, so that, that's gonna be great. It's pretty tight and we're, we have a lot of fun. [S2] Yeah. Isn't that cool to see the, the, the way just, it, the opportunities you get, you know, 'cause you, gosh, she was a child when she first started on the show, yeah. [S1] Yeah, she's still childish.
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[S1] Are you, uh, are you doing a, are you going to make a speech or do, uh, that father of the bride stuff? [S2] I'm, I'm sure I'll have to. [S1] Yeah. [S2] I'll find something. I'll crib something. [S1] [LAUGHS] Yeah, uh, we're, uh, we're halfway through, uh, January, John. Did you, did you make a New Year's resolution at all? Are...
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I, I, usually the movies that I have the most fun on are the ones that sniff at the box office. So. [S1] Yeah, exactly. [S2] I like, uh, I guess Big Lebowski. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Everybody likes. [S1] Yeah. Is that... [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah. [S2] I have a lot of fun. [S1] The, uh, the Big Le- Big Lebowski, uh, when it first came out, it was not really, it was like mixed reviews. It wasn't that big of a
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[S1] Uh, yeah. It's not that I had any material to show or, or anything good to do. I just, I just knew they'd hire me just for my person, 'cause I know I'm a nice guy. [S2] [LAUGHS] Wow. And, well, you- [S1] It's the worst thing I've ever done in front of people in my life. I just, I wrote something about 15 minutes before I went over there and, "Oh,
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[S1] Uh, well, my first thought was, um, Sean Connery. Uh- [S2] Yeah. [S1] I don't, I'm not a big fan of Bond. I've only watched a couple. I liked Sean Connery 'cause, uh, I don't know why. I liked him in the rock as well. Yeah, I, I, it's all that putting on suits and dry Martini. I don't look good in a suit. I, I don't aspire to be. I look, I look rubbish in everything, so, you know, I, I like him in a track suit and stained t-shirt or something. Um, um- [S2] So you can't relate to- [S1] But I-
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[S1] ... with me. [S2] Well, I'm not, Paul McCartney. I, I, I saw that, um, that documentary and he, he seemed to be sort of running the show. Um, so, uh, I mean, listen, they're, they're all great, but, uh, um... [S1] Yeah. [S2] Yeah, Paul McCartney, 'cause he did the frog song. I like that frog song. [S1] [LAUGHS] Yeah, I love that song too. Yeah, I like that song. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] [LAUGHS] I know exactly what I have it. Um, uh, all right, uh, if you had the
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] You know, I am. [S1] Along with everything else I've got. Along with all my other illnesses, I'm also a hypochondriac, so that just adds to it. [S2] Yeah, I am. [S1] Anything. I don't worry about stuff until I wake up and I could have- [S2] Like I could find a spot.
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[S1] ... a prison riot in London. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And all the prisoners were on the roof, and they were smashing it up and setting fire to it and throwing tiles down at the guards, and they couldn't do anything. And it was on the news. We were watching it, and- and my gran went, "Oh, they should be locked up."
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[S1] was grieving. So I thought I should treat that with respect. And that's why he doesn't just snap out of it. And, um, it's, I mean, it's a dark subject. It's a dark, sad subject. But people, I think like, they like seeing something of themselves on TV that they haven't seen before. Even if it's the bad bit. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, um, people would say to me, "Oh, that was me. That was me after I lost my wife," or something. And I just, um, um, it was, it's been lovely, the response. And it sort of created a little,
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[S1] Um, uh, the real superpower is, is kindness, and that's where he finds himself, that, um... [S2] His purpose. [S1] He, uh, he can help others, you know? Uh, and he sticks around. Even though he's in pain, he thinks he can make the world a slightly better place. So that, that's the, the big message, yeah. [S2] Uh, I think I read somewhere that, that they just donated a bunch of benches around
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- Yeah, that one, the long, when we first did it, it was 7 1/2 hours, and then they got it down to 4 1/2 hours. I mean, talk about an artist. That was pretty, pretty intense to work with, with those incredible artisans. - Yeah, but, but, but also, how do you do that? We, so you sit for, for, say, you're even sitting for, for me, it's 20 minutes. I'd freak out. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] An hour. I go, "No, it's not worth it." Uh, you know, it's, it's five hours, you're sitting there, then you have to go act.
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[S1] She's from International Falls, Minnesota. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, um, so that's the thing. Like, I guess I just assumed she was from the South because, you know, her show was in the South. But, uh, no, th- what made her so sweet is she had that accent. And, um, Andrew Garfield, who plays Jim Baker- [S2] He's pretty- [S1] ... and I guess he- Jim was also from Minnesota. We just, you know, would talk all the time in character. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And, uh, sometimes we'd get a little naughty. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Well, I didn't really see a lot of Nashville. Um, I was mostly in the recording studio, which actually, it comes right up against the cemetery that George Jones and, uh, Tammy are, have been laid to rest at. So when we'd have breaks, we'd like, Mike and I would walk through- [S2] Wow. [S1] ... and, and visit them. I know, and then we drank a lot of bourbon. [S2] [LAUGHS] Yeah. [S1] A lot of bourbon to get over the nerves. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, uh, sang with T-bone.
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[S1] That's amazing. I, it's so, I, I find it, I love that you're doing more musical projects 'cause I know where you live right now is very famous for some, uh, some great music was made in your building. [S2] Yes, I live in the apartment that Leonard Bernstein lived in, uh, when you were at West Side Story. [S1] Not too- [S2] It's kind of like insane. [S1] Not too shabby. [S2] Not too shabby.
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[S1] Yeah, so when I went to college, my grandmother, um, helped me get to New York and, you know, she would come and visit me and stuff. And on the weekends, we would go to this diner and get baked ziti. And it was such a big treat for me. And, uh, she would send me money for it. And literally, it's like across the street from the restaurant my grandma and I would go to. [S2] Come on. [S1] It's really sweet. [S2] Do you get the baked ziti? [S1] You make me homesick, Jimmy. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] So we start walking in the, like, behind the, the stage in, like, this, these dark hallways, and we're thinking, "We're gonna get busted. We're gonna get thrown outta here. I don't know what's happening." [S2] Yeah. [S1] And he takes us into this room where there's other security guards, and they start whispering to each other, and then all of a sudden he looks at us, and I thought, "This is it. We're in trouble." And he looks at Andrew and he goes, "Are you Spider-Man?" [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And that's when I knew we're in.
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- Thank you so much for being here. - Oh, man. Love it, love it. - I appreciate this. Uh, the last time we saw each other, uh, we were at an Islanders playoff game. - Yes, we were. - We were in the, one of the last games in, in... - At the Nassau Coliseum. - The barn? - The barn. The old barn. - Oh, and we got up, we were up in the... - The visual aids. - We're, uh, yeah, we, we were up in the Jumbotron together. - Yes, we were. - Uh, here's us going crazy. [S1] There we are. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Little... [S2] Little... [S1] Little to no enthusiasm. [S2] Yeah, like, we went beyond crazy to try to get the...
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[S1] ... there. [S2] My, my mom and dad, we used to go to those games when I was a kid. My childhood was in that building, so to get to share that with my, my kid, it was awesome. [S1] But you were pointing out seats where you were- [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] ... sitting. [S2] I sat there when they won the Stanley Cup, and I sat there when they lost- [S1] It was the-
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[S1] Uh, like an injury report to the stunt team. I mean, this is something that I've done. I, I've sort of feel like an NFL coach on a Monday morning after Sunday, saying like, "Machio is day to day with a right hamstring pull." [S2] [LAUGHS] Yeah. All right, gather around, everybody. [S1] He did. He turned 30% to the right, but, uh, left side can't. [S2] [LAUGHS] Like, can't do it. [S1] And they actually tailor the fight scenes to my strengths and make me look great. So, yeah, we do it. [S2] So, like, all right, just use
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[S1] We look great, so... [S2] So, like, all right, just use your left arm in this one. [S1] Yeah, right. [S2] Of course. Uh, I, I saw that this, uh, it, there's always surprises and brand new characters coming in in every episode. So if you haven't seen "Cobra Kai," you can start at season one, you'll get it, you'll understand, but you'll be like, "What? Do you...?" And every... Yeah. But this season, your actual real-life daughter... [S1] Yes. [S2] ... Julia, is on the show with you. [S1] Yes, she is. [S2] Not playing your daughter, but still. [S1] Yeah. [S2] There she is there. [S1] Oh.
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[S1] ... as a parent. [S2] Yeah, exactly, yeah. [S1] It was a lot of fun. And it- [S2] Speaking of the writing, I should say, the writing is fantastic on this show. [S1] They are terrific. [S2] Kudos to those writers there. [S1] Thanks. [S2] It's funny, it's smart, it's interesting. I go, and it, it, it, it's almost like, it's never ending. I mean, this is just getting bigger and bigger. So it's like a, you're creating a whole universe. [S1] Mm-hmm.
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[S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] Yeah, that's, listen, John, Josh, and Hayden are the main creators of the show, and the entire writing staff. These guys, they truly are the fans that are writing the show for the fans. So they, they have their, you know, they have their big canvas and all the paints up there, and they just, it's now growing. The cast is, is growing, getting deeper, more, uh, um, the, the curves and turns and twists- [S1] Yeah, and- [S2] ... and taking it. You know, it, it has become, you say that it, it's, it could go so many different places. It's becoming the sort of karate kid cinematic
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[S1] ... thing isn't even level. [S2] Or maybe you have a little imbalance inside of you. [S1] I still don't see me using any of this in a real fight. [S2] I've been trying to tell you, Miyagi-do is not about fighting. You know what Mr. Miyagi said was the best defense in all of karate? [S1] High outside block against an axe kick? [S2] The best defense is no-be-there.
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[S1] Yeah, yeah. [S2] I don't know if you remember it. [S1] Yeah, of course I remember that. Yeah. Uh, uh, I want to say congrats on White Lotus. I want to talk about it. You just nailed it. I mean, it was a home run, buddy. You were so good on that. But before we get into that, I, I, I want to say that we've had many guests on our show that have done impressions of you. [S2] Oh, yeah. [S1] Yeah, and, and great ones. [S2] Oh, what a thought. [S1] But there, if you're up for it, I'd love to show you a few of these impressions. [S2] Oh, yeah. I, I think I know. I, I, I, I know some great ones I've seen on Instagram. Okay, yeah. Who do you got?
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[S1] And you're like, "Oh, all right, I'll take it." I mean, she, uh, I like it. [S2] No, but when you get in the zone, but the first time I think I heard anyone do an impression of you is when Ariana Grande was here a few years ago. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And here's Ariana's impression of Jennifer. [S1] God. You look like the Fourth of July. I'm taking the dog, dumbass. [S2] I mean, it's- [S1] I know. [S2] Come on. [S1] I know. [S2] Ariana Grande, freshie, that was a great impression. [S1] Great. No.
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[S1] I did it anyway, and then this response came back, and then the next thing you know, I was like going to her house getting fit for a wardrobe fitting for, for a Thank You Next. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So that was all because of Jimmy Fallon and, you know. [S2] No. [S1] Yes. Yes. [S2] Oh, no. [S1] Wait, this is a great, this is amazing to hear this. So from that Ari thing, it all grew, and then, but do you, do you do impression?
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[S1] That's a great impression of someone that no one's ever heard of. Uh, let's, let's talk about White Lotus. When that script, 'cause that was written for you, uh, is what I heard. [S2] Yeah, I sort of, Mike had, you know, like, yeah, he sort of observed me on a trip that we went on. I think he sort of thought maybe I could do that part 'cause he sort of, you know, he saw how, you know. [S1] Yeah, how you can, but you- [S2] Weird I was, yeah. I'm sorry. [S1] No, but-
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[S1] hip problems, you know, where I couldn't turn, you know, I, I don't know, I came up with all these weird things, but then Mike just said, in the text, it just said, "Are you afraid?" And I was like, "Oh, Jesus, he's on to me." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And, and then I still thought I was trying to get out of it, um, but then I was over at my friend Chase's house one day and she goes, "Are you going to Hawaii to do that job with Mike and everything?" And I said, "No, I'm not. I'm not doing it." And then, um, she said, "You know what?
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[S1] You're an idiot. And guess what? You're insane, and you're going. And, you know, just sort of, a girlfriend sort of talked me off out of my insanity. Because, you know, when you're actors, you, you can, this big moment can happen sometimes, and then you just blow it and go, "Yeah, you know, I'm gonna do that next year. I'm gonna go on a trip." Or, you know, you just blow it somehow. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I, I, I, for whatever reason, a good friend. [S2] Wow. Just said, "Hey, s- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... just go do it. Snap out of it. Yeah." And, like, you can do this. And you went and did it, and then,
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[S1] Yeah, and then, and we, well, yeah, I mean, people really liked the, you know, uh, you know- [S2] They loved it. [S1] Mike White is brilliant. He wrote a great show, and then, uh, yeah. [S2] Critics love it, fans love it. Congrats. It's well deserved, all the nominations. I know they just announced the next installment of White Lotus is coming on HBO. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Uh, and they're gonna change a lot of the characters, but I go, all the fans are like, "Is Jennifer Coolidge coming back?"
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[S1] is just a straight up alcoholic lunatic. [S2] That, that's not true. [S1] No, it is. It is. And I just want to show my hand. I don't want to play poker anymore. I just want to skip all the layers and just go straight to the crazy and just like, you know, let the chips fall where they may. And, you know, just show 'em. Just show 'em the core of the onion.
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[S1] Oh, it's great to see you. [S2] Uh, you, what, what did you bring with you? [S1] Okay, so I, this is, uh, first of all, I thought you'd appreciate it. It's, it's, uh, wrapped in a, a Burger Heaven bag. [S2] Dude, I remember a hamburger- [S1] I don't think it's a hamburger- [S2] ... around, or are you, oh.
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[S1] Yeah. Oh, my God. It was so good. [S2] We used to eat there all the time. [S1] So, so, uh, when I first came to SNL in 2002, uh, this book had just come out, live from New York, and, um, I decided, they, they gave all of us on the cast, I'm sure you got one too, it's a awesome book that's, like, very good bathroom reading. I mean, good reading anywhere, but... [S2] It's, it's... [S1] I, I find it works in the bathroom. [S2] Yeah, it's a great book. [S1] Um, but, uh, so what I decided to do is to get each host
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[S1] Uh, every week who came through to sign the book. So by the end of eight years, I just had this amazing collection of signatures and I brought it- [S2] I can't remember this. [S1] ... brought it back with me so I could get the, the current cast to, to sign it while I'm here this week, so. [S2] Wow. [S1] Um, it's crazy though. It's like, uh, you know, there are two presidents in here and you two's in here and like, uh, you're, I'm sure you are in here. I got a, I actually wrote, uh, 'cause a lot of people I couldn't figure out who it is. So this is my little,
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[S1] People. It's just, uh, so it's- [S2] Hanks? [S1] One of my prized, uh, collections. And then, uh, Jason Sudeikis got this for me. We did this sketch called "Pate- uh, Potato Chip" at SNL, and this was, uh, he, he had a playbill made up of it. So- [S2] Is it Blake Lively? Who's in Potato Chip with you? [S1] Yeah. Blake Lively and Sudeikis is back there, so.
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[S1] ... the best thing ever. And, and like, like, you know, it's, it's, I'm so excited to be here hosting. But it's stressful. You're running around all over the place. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, and I'm an over-thinker anyway, so I'm stressed out about everything. And then you go home and you're with that little baby and it's just, you know, it's like everything just goes, "Whoo." [S2] Yeah. [S1] And calm down. [S2] Congrats on that. Congrats on, uh, your, your wife being married. Uh, uh, also, you were telling me that your family, uh, had to recently, like, move stuff out of their house. You had to move out of your house.
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[S1] Yes, yes. So this, this requires a teeny bit of backstory before I tell you what happened with that. So, um, uh, back when I was working at the Last Man on Earth, Kristen Schaal, who was my coworker- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... went on an alternative talk show to, to yours. You're not the only person on the talk show. And, and she had gone- [S2] No. [S1] Okay, I'll say it. It's Conan, Conan. She went on Conan's Talk Show. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] And, uh- [S2] Okay. [S1] And she, she ta- One, one thing she brought up was the fact that we worked
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[S1] It was an HR nightmare. [S2] We all went over there and then, sorry again, but then I went on Conan and told the story of the tour that we took of the place. And then they saw that and they were like, "Oh, we gotta send these guys tons of dildos and different sex toys." So like, you know, of course, another HR nightmare. [S1] Yes. [S2] All this stuff is sent to us. So, you know, there were like dildos around our
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[S1] So that's, that's the setup for this. So, so, um, cut to seven years later or whatever it is, and the Forte family is going through a mold problem. We had, we had- [S2] Mold in your house. [S1] ... a toxic black mold. [S2] Wow. [S1] We had to get out, and so people come in and they, they, you know, they, 'cause we had a baby, so it was like immediately get out. It's not take anything. [S2] You don't play, yeah, you don't play around. [S1] Just get out. So- [S2] Sure. [S1] So, uh, this, uh, company comes in. I'll say it, Surf Pro.
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[S1] Glass light bulbs, U-verse pee container. [S2] I did know what that one was. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Container for your medical... My wife had gotten me for that. That's a long story that you don't need to know it, but she did. I, I am the owner of a, a pee container.
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[S1] The region's governments were brutal oligarchies. Colonialism may have formally ended, but elites still controlled all the wealth. American corporations bought up land originally seized from indigenous people and used it for profit and export, even keeping most of it uncultivated while locals starved. [S2] Couldn't they vote to change that? [S1] Oh, they tried, Your Honor. In 1953, Che came to Guatemala under the democratically elected government of President Arbenz.
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[S1] There he met exiled Cuban revolutionaries and decided to help them liberate their country. [S2] You mean help Fidel Castro turn a vibrant Cuba into a dictatorship. [S1] Dictatorship was what Cuba had before the revolution. Fulgencio Batista was a tyrant who came to power in a military coup.
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[S1] I see Your Honor is familiar with Genghis Khan, the 13th century warlord whose military campaigns killed millions and left nothing but destruction in their wake. [S2] Objection. First of all, it's pronounced Chinggis Khan. [S1] Really?
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[S1] Regardless, Genghis Khan's legacy was a disaster. Up to 40 million killed across Eurasia during his descendants' conquests. 10% of the world population. That's not even counting casualties from the Black Plague brought to Europe by the Golden Horde's siege of Caffa. [S2] Surely that wasn't intentional. [S1] Actually, when they saw their own troops dying of the plague, they catapulted infected bodies over the city walls.
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[S1] So, France went through that whole revolution just to end up with another all-powerful ruler? [S2] Not quite. Napoleon's new powers were derived from the constitution that was approved by a popular vote in the consulate. [S1] Ha! [S2] The constitution was practically dictated at gunpoint in a military coup, and the public only accepted the tyrant because they were tired of constant civil war.
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[S1] All men, indeed. He deprived women of the rights that the revolution had given them, and even reinstated slavery in the French colonies. Haiti is still recovering from the consequences centuries later. What kind of equality is that? The only kind that could be stably maintained at the time, and still far ahead of France's neighbors. [S2] Speaking of neighbors, what was with all the invasions? [S1] Great question, Your Honor. [S2] Which invasions are we talking about?
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[S1] His reign marked the beginning of one of history's greatest empires and the end of one of its first republics. Was Rome's first emperor a visionary leader who guaranteed his civilization's place in history or a tyrant who destroyed its core values? Find out in History vs. Augustus. [S2] Order, order. The defendant today is Gaius Octavius? [S1] Gaius- [S2] Augustus. [S1] ... Julius Caesar. [S2] Do we have the wrong guy?
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[S1] ... then stabbed his ally in the back to increase his own power. [S2] Antony was a fool. He waged a disastrous campaign in Parthia and plotted to turn Roman territories into personal kingdoms for himself and Cleopatra. [S1] Isn't that what Caesar had been accused of? [S2] Well- [S1] So Octavius destroyed Antony for trying to become a king and then became one himself?
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[S1] But was Sigmund Freud right about human nature? And were his methods scientific? [S2] Order, order. Today on the stand we have Dad? [S1] Ahem, no, Your Honor. This is Dr. Sigmund Freud, one of the most innovative thinkers in the history of psychology, an egomaniac who propagated pseudoscientific theories.
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[S1] He certainly didn't help all his patients. Freud was convinced that our behavior is shaped by unconscious urges and repressed memories. He invented baseless, unconscious, or irrational drivers behind the behavior of trauma survivors and caused real harm. [S2] How's that? [S1] He misrepresented some of his most famous case studies, claiming his treatment had cured patients when in fact they had gotten worse.
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[S1] But Freud didn't present himself as a social theorist. He insisted that his work was scientific. [S2] Are you saying he repressed inconvenient facts? [S1] Freud's theories were unfalsifiable. [S2] Wait, so you're saying he was right?
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[S1] Yeah, and one thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort. And so I would say that's really the best way to make decisions, is go after what it is that creates meaning in your life, and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows. [S2] Thank you so much, Kelly. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] That was really cool.
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[S1] So that was terrifying. [S2] You're welcome. [S1] Yes, thank you, thank you. Um, since we can't catch up on sleep, what are we supposed to do? What do we do when we're, like, tossing and turning in bed late at night, or doing shift work, or, or
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[S1] Because we're smart. [S2] And, well, and, and I make that point because what it means is that Mother Nature, throughout the course of evolution, has never had to face the challenge of this thing called sleep deprivation. So she's never developed a safety net, and that's why when you under-sleep, things just sort of implode so quickly, both within the brain and the body. So you just have to, um, prioritize. [S1] Okay. So, but tossing and turning in bed, what do I do?
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[S1] Well, I would, I would love to, I mean, this is such a, an interesting and important idea. The best people on our blog are gonna come and talk to you and try and, I, I want to get more on this- [S2] Well, wonderful. [S1] ... that we can share along with the talk. Um, that, that is an astonishing talk, truly an astonishing talk, and I think you heard that we all are cheering you on your way. Thank you so much. [S2] Well, thank you. [S1] I'm gonna take off. [S2] Thank you. Thank you.
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[S1] You know, it's incredibly unpleasant. [S2] Okay, so let's talk about your experience, because you stood up while writing this book. By the way, it's mandatory reading for everybody, okay? Uh, you stood up because the book actually puts the spotlight on shamers. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Uh, and I assume you didn't only have friendly reactions on Twitter.
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that you need. [S1] Yeah, so, so black holes are the smallest objects in the known universe, right? But they have these outsized effects on whole galaxies. But to see one, you would need to build a telescope as large as the Earth. Because the, the, the black hole that we're looking at gives off copious radio waves. It's kind of emitting all the time. And to make- [S2] And that's exactly what you did. [S1] Exactly. So what you're seeing here is, uh, we've used telescopes all around the world. We synchronized them perfectly with atomic clocks. So they receive the light waves from this black hole, and then we,
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[S1] ... to get a clear view. [S2] Yeah, we had to get lucky in a lot of different ways. Um, and sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] In this case, we were both, uh, like to think. Uh, but light had to come from the black hole. It had to come through the intergalactic space, through the Earth's atmosphere where water vapor can, uh, absorb it. And everything worked out perfectly. The size of the Earth,
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[S1] Oh, so, so what's happening is that the black hole is spinning, and you wind up with some of the gas moving towards us below and receding from us on the top. And just as the train whistle is a higher pitch when it's coming towards you, there's more energy from the gas coming towards us than going away from us. So you see the bottom part brighter because the light is actually being boosted in our direction. [S2] And how physically big is that? [S1] So our entire solar system would fit well within that dark region.
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[S1] Do the same. Two of us seeking to change the world can actually make a huge difference. Those of us up the middle, we can make a small contribution. [S2] Kevin, all power to you, my friend. Thank you. [S1] Thank you. Thank you, folks.
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[S1] and they paid a lot. So that was an irresistible pull. So, uh, I went there. [S2] So you were a code cracker- [S1] I was. [S2] ... until you got fired. [S1] Well, I did get fired, yes. [S2] How come?
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Then I did the only intelligent thing I'd done that day. I told my local boss that I gave that interview. And he said, "What did you say?" And I told him what I said. And then he said, "I gotta call Taylor." He called Taylor. That took 10 minutes. I was fired five minutes after that. So, but it wasn't bad. [S1] It wasn't bad, 'cause you went on to Stony Brook and- [S2] I went on to- [S1] ... stepped up your- [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] ... your mathematical career. And you started working with, um, with this man here. Who, who is this?
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[S1] But it's pretty amazing. No matter how you do it, you're always going to get the same answer. So that was the first sort of thrust from the mid-1700s into a subject which is now called algebraic topology. [S2] And, and your own work took an idea like this and moved it into higher dimensional theory. [S1] Well, that, well, no, yeah. [S2] You looked at higher dimensional objects and found new invariances? [S1] Yeah.
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[S1] By the average move in the past 20 days, I think there's 20 days, uh, maybe that would be a good prediction and I'd make some money. And in fact, it, years ago, such a system, uh, would work. Not beautifully, but it would work. So you'd make money, you'd lose money, you'd make money, but this is a year's worth of days and you, you know, you, you'd, uh, you'd make a little money during that period. But it- [S2] So, so you would, so you would- [S1] No, it's a very vestigial system.
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[S1] Everyone could see that. [S2] Yeah, a lot of people did. [S1] So, so what hap- So how did you stay ahead of the pack?
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[S1] I, I didn't really know how to hire people to do fundamental trading. I had hired a few, some made money, some didn't make money. I, I couldn't make a business out of that, but I did know how to hire scientists 'cause I have some taste in that department. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And, uh, so that's what we did. And, uh, gradually, these models got better and better and better and better.
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[S1] ... his- [S2] Yes, yes. [S1] ... political opinion. [S2] Length of dresses, we didn't try, but, uh- [S1] What, what, what sort of things? [S2] Well, everything. I mean, everything is brisk for the mill except hem lengths, I have to, I have to say. Uh, weather, uh, annual reports, monthly, quarterly reports, uh, the historic data itself, volumes, you name it, whatever, whatever there is. We take in terabytes of data a day and, uh, store it away and massage it and get it ready for analysis. And, uh,
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[S1] You know, people would ask me, "What's a hedge fund?" And I'd say, "1 and 20." I mean, which means, now it's 2 and 20. But, you know, it's 2% fixed fee and 20% of profits. Hedge funds are all different kind of creatures. [S2] Rumor has it you charge slightly higher fees than that. [S1] We charge higher, yeah. We charge the highest fees in the world at one time. Five and 44, that's what we charge. [S2] Five and 44. [S1] Yeah, 5% fixed fee, 40- [S2] 5% flat, 44% of upside. [S1] Oh, yeah. [S2] Are you still
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[S1] Well, yeah, we, we are. Marilyn started, uh, there she is up there, my beautiful wife. She started the foundation about 20 years ago, I think '94. I claim it was '93, she says it was '94, but it was one of those two years. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] [LAUGHS] We started the foundation. And, uh, just as a, as a convenient way to, uh, give charity, uh, she kept the books and so on.
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[S1] Hey, welcome back to TED. It's great to have you here. [S2] Thanks for having me. [S1] So in the next half hour or so, um, we're going to spend some time exploring your vision for what an exciting future might look like, which I guess makes the first question a little ironic.
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[S1] Um, and then the car gets on a skate. There's no speed limit here, so, uh, we're designing this to be, uh, able to operate at 200 kilometers an hour or about 130- [S2] How much? [S1] 200 kilometers an hour or about 130 miles per hour. Uh, so you should be able to get from, say, uh, Westwood to Alliex in six minutes, five, six minutes. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] So, I mean, like, sort of cautiously optimistic, like, we'll be able to do faster than a, uh, the, the world's fastest bullet train, even in a 0.8 mile stretch. [S2] Whoa. [S1] Um. [S2] Good break. [S1] It's, yeah. I mean, it's, yeah. It's either gonna smash into tiny pieces or go quite fast. [S2] But you can, you can picture, you can picture, then, a Hyperloop.
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[S1] ... um, under a lot of buildings and houses. And if you go deep enough, you cannot detect the tunnel. Um, this is, sometimes people think, "Well, it's gonna be pretty annoying to have a tunnel dug under my house." But if that tunnel is dug more than about three or four tunnel diameters beneath your house, you will not be able to detect it being dug, at all. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] Um, in fa- in fact, like the, um, if you, if you're able to detect the tunnel,
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[S1] One of the things that people are so excited about is, is the fact that it, it's, um, it's, it's, it's got autopilot. And, um, you, you put out this video a while back showing what that, um, what that technology look like or would look like. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, there's obviously autopilot in Model S right now. [S2] Yeah. [S1] What are we seeing here?
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[S1] ... cars being sold right now have, have, uh, eight, eight cameras in them. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That, that they, they can't yet do what that showed. Um, when will they be able to? [S2] Um, I think the, we're, we're still on track for being able to go for, um, cross-country from LA to New York by the end of the year, fully autonomous. Um,
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[S1] Yes, the, the thing that will be interesting is that I, I, I'm, I'm actually fairly confident it will be able to do that route, um, even if you change the route dynamically. [S2] Hmm. [S1] So, like it's, it's fairly easy, or if you say I'm gonna be really good at one specific route, that's one thing, but I, um, it should be able to go,
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[S1] Maybe, I guess a big concern of yours is that people may actually get seduced too early to think that this is safe. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And that you'll have some horrible incident happen that puts things back. [S2] Well, I think that the autonomy system is likely to at least mitigate the, uh, the cra- the crash. Um, except in rare circumstances. And I, I, the, the thing to appreciate about, uh, vehicle safety is this is, this is probabilistic. [S1] Right. [S2] So th- there's,
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[S1] ... and sort of making these mad maneuvers. [S2] That's cool. Okay, from, from a really badass picture to a kind of less badass picture, um, this is just a cute house from Desperate Housewives or something. What, what the ... [S1] Yeah. [S2] What, what on earth is going on here?
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[S1] Rapid and complete. [S2] Right. [S1] Uh, so like an aircraft or a car, uh, the reusability is rapid and complete. Uh, you do not send your aircraft into, to, to Boeing in between flights. [S2] Right. So-
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[S1] And blockchain is kinda neither of those things right now. So it's better suited for, um, either really early adopters who kind of get it and can tinker around, or, uh, for finding those best use cases like identity or asset tracking or smart contracts that can be used at that level of an enterprise or government. [S2] Thank you. Thanks for coming to the tab. [S1] Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks.
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[S1] buy something practical for. [S2] Okay. So what type of shops do teenagers like best in your country? [S1] Well, I haven't thought about this before, but, uh, obviously, like any other teenagers, they are much more into shopping clothes, makeup to beautify themselves, or maybe some music stuffs, and these kind of things. [S2] Right. Okay. Let's talk about films. How often do you go to the cinema?
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[S1] ... Coherence is, is, is your, is your natural way of speaking, to be something close to a native speaker. Being, being fluent. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And your pronunciations are all absolutely perfect, 100% spot on. So you really don't have any trouble, uh, getting this, this bad nine. You are naturally a bad nine. And you're speaking loudly, that obviously helps a lot. And if, if I was con-
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[S1] buy something practical for. [S2] Okay. So what type of shops do teenagers like best in your country? [S1] Well, I haven't thought about this before, but, uh, obviously, like any other teenagers, they are much more into shopping clothes, makeup to beautify themselves, or maybe some music stuffs, and these kind of things. [S2] Right. Okay. Let's talk about films. How often do you go to the cinema?
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[S1] ... Coherence is, is, is your, is your natural way of speaking, to be something close to a native speaker. Being, being fluent. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And your pronunciations are all absolutely perfect, 100% spot on. So you really don't have any trouble, uh, getting this, this bad nine. You are naturally a bad nine. And you're speaking loudly, that obviously helps a lot. And if, if I was con-
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