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https://www.theonion.com/red-lobster-introduces-new-mechanical-jumbo-shrimp-ride-1819589733
red lobster introduces new mechanical jumbo shrimp ride
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/brandy-sang-on-the-nyc-subway-and-nobody-noticed_us_55a6bee2e4b04740a3dedc37
brandy sang on the nyc subway and nobody noticed
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/france-end-of-life_n_6829532.html
french parliament debates 'deep sleep' bill for end of life
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/investigation-confirms-nbc-management-had-no-knowledge-1825961255
investigation confirms nbc management had no knowledge of misconduct in matt lauer's network-sanctioned sex dungeon
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ramadan-religious-fervor-_b_5621413.html
ramadan: religious fervor taken over by media capitalists?
0
https://local.theonion.com/boss-encourages-employees-to-take-short-mental-breakdow-1834249301
boss encourages employees to take short mental breakdowns for every hour of work
1
https://www.theonion.com/scotland-more-relaxed-when-sean-connery-is-away-1819566362
scotland more relaxed when sean connery is away
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/huffpollster-gallup-polls_us_5617a996e4b0e66ad4c74d39
huffpollster: gallup bows out of primary polling
0
https://www.theonion.com/owner-by-far-creepiest-man-in-bar-1819590640
owner by far creepiest man in bar
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hillary-clinton-ivanka-trump-lip-service_us_59b89ba3e4b086432b027298
hillary clinton torches the 'lip service' of ivanka trump
0
https://www.theonion.com/mars-maven-begins-mission-to-take-thousands-of-high-res-1819576955
mars maven begins mission to take thousands of high-resolution desktop backgrounds
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/greeces-rock-portrait-gal_b_5354081.html
greece's rock portrait gallery, from craggy ogres to de gaulle's nose: suspended in mid-air on the looney front, part ii
0
https://www.theonion.com/study-90-of-plane-landings-just-barely-pulled-off-1819572136
study: 90% of plane landings just barely pulled off
1
https://politics.theonion.com/rumsfeld-my-half-assed-job-here-is-done-1819568789
rumsfeld: 'my half-assed job here is done'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pompom-hatsl-fashion-trend_us_57fba08be4b068ecb5e038b3
27 pompom hats you'll want to hide under when cold weather hits
0
https://politics.theonion.com/mafia-breaks-off-diplomatic-relations-with-cia-1819564019
mafia breaks off diplomatic relations with cia
1
https://politics.theonion.com/bush-asks-advice-for-this-friend-of-his-who-invaded-ira-1819570327
bush asks advice for this friend of his who invaded iraq
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/emile-hirsch-jail-guilty-assault_us_55d27570e4b055a6dab13997
emile hirsch sentenced to 15 days in jail after pleading guilty to assault
0
https://local.theonion.com/individuals-unaware-they-constitute-area-man-s-support-1819575902
individuals unaware they constitute area man's support network
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mike-medavoy-hollywood-china_us_59c3ca7ee4b0c90504fc0775
why the new hollywood will never live up to old hollywood
0
https://www.theonion.com/area-larva-celebrates-ascent-to-adulthood-with-bar-molt-1819586102
area larva celebrates ascent to adulthood with bar moltzvah
1
https://politics.theonion.com/list-of-politically-achievable-reforms-down-to-just-thr-1819574410
list of politically achievable reforms down to just three minor changes to traffic code
1
https://www.theonion.com/spanish-authorities-ask-anyone-with-information-about-c-1819592911
spanish authorities ask anyone with information about curbing endless cycle of nihilistic violence to come forward
1
https://www.theonion.com/errant-keystroke-produces-character-never-before-seen-b-1819573453
errant keystroke produces character never before seen by human eyes
1
https://politics.theonion.com/baltimore-pigeons-shocked-to-find-beloved-shitting-stat-1819592908
baltimore pigeons shocked to find beloved shitting statues gone
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gao-trump-voter-fraud-commission_us_59f22065e4b03cd20b804176
government watchdog agrees to investigate trump voter fraud commission
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bob-schieffer-goodbye_n_7479296.html
watch: schieffer signs off
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/apocalypto-star-wants-to-show-he-can-do-mayan-comedy-1819568871
apocalypto star wants to show he can do mayan comedy
1
https://www.theonion.com/man-nods-his-way-to-the-top-1819567329
man nods his way to the top
1
https://www.theonion.com/area-woman-just-itching-to-complain-if-anyone-objects-t-1819574299
area woman just itching to complain if anyone objects to nativity scene in park
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/it-wasnt-just-white-men-who-participated-in-the-unite-the-right-rally_us_598f55b4e4b09071f69a0381
it wasn't just white men who participated in the 'unite the right' rally
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/scott-baio-donald-trump_us_56eeb2e4e4b09bf44a9d83d5
scott baio wants donald trump to 'relentlessly attack' hillary clinton
0
https://www.theonion.com/frustrated-obama-writes-letter-to-his-congressman-about-1819578949
frustrated obama writes letter to his congressman about need for gun control
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tarot-readers-brooklyn_n_5227935.html
look: the magical world of tarot
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-woman-quietly-satisfied-to-have-concrete-evidence-1820847183
area woman quietly satisfied to have concrete evidence backing up years-long hatred of matt lauer
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dj-khaled-arianna-huffington-white-house-correspondents-dinner_us_57262a0be4b01a5ebde5ebd1
dj khaled was 'talking mogul talk' with arianna huffington at white house correspondents' dinner
0
https://local.theonion.com/authorities-investigating-suicide-determine-victim-real-1819571368
authorities investigating suicide determine victim really went for it
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shinto-priestess-killed-by-brother-during-sword-attack-at-tokyo-shrine_us_5a2ac2cce4b073789f695096
shinto priestess killed by brother during sword attack at tokyo shrine
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/janet-silverman-talks-89-_b_5666973.html
comedian janet silverman talks 89 d*ck picks
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-refugees-australia_us_5983310ce4b06d4888748baf
trump tells australia prime minister that he 'hates taking' refugees
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/steve-wilson-on-the-makin_b_5923752.html
steve wilson on 'the making of gone with the wind'
0
https://politics.theonion.com/poll-ted-cruz-currently-leads-among-voters-disputing-b-1819578712
poll: ted cruz currently leads among voters disputing boundaries of neighbor's yard
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/apple-homepod_us_5936def0e4b0cfcda9181eb6
twitter thinks apple's homepod looks like a roll of toilet paper
0
https://www.theonion.com/naughty-butcher-specializes-in-penis-shaped-veal-cutlet-1819569782
naughty butcher specializes in penis-shaped veal cutlet
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-20-funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_us_5aa1a8cfe4b01b9b0a39881c
the 20 funniest tweets from women this week
0
https://politics.theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-lays-out-legal-framework-that-would-keep-1826542123
rudy giuliani lays out legal framework that would keep him on tv for next couple years
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-ted-cruz_us_566bd6f9e4b0fccee16ec0c4
donald trump finally attacks ted cruz, referencing his cuban heritage
0
https://www.theonion.com/unemployed-man-vows-to-wake-up-early-finish-watching-m-1819576437
unemployed man vows to wake up early, finish watching movie
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/lady-gaga-kidnaps-commissioner-gordon-1819571641
lady gaga kidnaps commissioner gordon
1
https://www.theonion.com/insufferable-man-utters-words-craft-beer-movement-1819576649
insufferable man utters words 'craft beer movement'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/khloe-kardashian-rocks-out-with-mason-disick_us_56884da8e4b0b958f65be271
khloe kardashian rocks out with mason disick
0
https://www.theonion.com/fda-declares-munchos-to-be-good-source-of-disodium-guan-1819564979
fda declares munchos to be good source of disodium guanylate
1
https://local.theonion.com/elderly-man-who-s-outlived-wife-by-8-years-must-not-hav-1819578772
elderly man who's outlived wife by 8 years must not have loved her very much
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/supreme-court-winter-storm-jonas_us_56a7a5b2e4b01a3ed123e879
supreme court justices to snowstorm jonas: it's just ice
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/remote-alaska-high-school_b_6314782.html
remote alaska high school volleyball team endures rough landing in bush plane en route to state tournament
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-twitter-banner-russia_us_5911630fe4b0104c7351e619
donald trump's weird way of pinning a tweet is freaking people out
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/museum-of-television-and-radio-acquires-rare-caroline-i-1819569865
museum of television and radio acquires rare 'caroline in the city' episode
1
https://local.theonion.com/restaurant-hostess-loses-job-to-please-seat-yourself-1819592772
restaurant hostess loses job to 'please seat yourself' sign
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-black-girls-vote-is-getting-young-voters-to-the-poll_us_5723aeb1e4b01a5ebde598d5
how black girls vote is getting young voters to the poll
0
https://politics.theonion.com/john-bolton-an-attack-on-two-saudi-oil-tankers-is-an-1834791494
john bolton: 'an attack on two saudi oil tankers is an attack on all americans'
1
https://www.theonion.com/william-safire-orders-two-whoppers-junior-1819565735
william safire orders two whoppers junior
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/world/middle_east/turkeys-increasingly-desperate-predicament-poses-real-dangers/2016/02/20/a3374030-d593-11e5-a65b-587e721fb231_story.html
turkey's increasingly desperate predicament poses real dangers
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/amber-rose-fearful-over-breast-reduction-surgery-on-wednesday_us_5a5f4b97e4b096ecfca929c9
amber rose fearful over breast reduction surgery on wednesday
0
https://local.theonion.com/softball-team-unsure-of-how-to-console-jackass-captain-1819570900
softball team unsure of how to console jackass captain who just struck out
1
https://www.theonion.com/encouragement-of-family-friends-motivating-man-to-keep-1819576952
encouragement of family, friends motivating man to keep struggling indefinitely
1
https://www.theonion.com/doctor-patient-have-wildly-different-definitions-of-wo-1819566418
doctor, patient have wildly different definitions of word 'hope'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ballet-moonlight_us_58b47dd2e4b0a8a9b7851da1
this dance inspired by 'moonlight' is almost as gorgeous as the real thing
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/i-am-addicted-to-goodwill_b_7682704.html
i am addicted to goodwill
0
https://politics.theonion.com/rumsfeld-wearing-same-shirt-for-fourth-straight-day-1819566915
rumsfeld wearing same shirt for fourth straight day
1
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-vows-to-leave-a-better-afghanistan-for-nation-s-g-1819580199
trump vows to leave a better afghanistan for nation's grandchildren to fight in
1
https://www.theonion.com/political-cartoonist-s-wife-finds-disturbing-nude-drawi-1819576201
political cartoonist's wife finds disturbing nude drawings of uncle sam
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/understanding-the-electoral-college_us_58246825e4b044f827a79930
why the electoral college matters
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/greys_n_7148034.html
'grey's anatomy' fans launch petition to bring back mcdreamy
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-with-20-rifles-can-t-remember-if-his-goal-to-start-1826236224
man with 20 rifles can't remember if his goal to start or stop violent overthrow of government
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/vivan-los-amos-casa_b_7470398.html
¡que vivan los amos de casa!
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/feeding-people-and-democracy-to-death_us_5852f579e4b0630a25423102
feeding people, and democracy, to death
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hilary-duff-husband-mike-comrie_n_5641194.html
hilary duff hints that she could reconcile with mike comrie
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trumpjr-iowa-peasant-hunt_us_59f64063e4b077d8dfca45cf
controversial congressman touts iowa 'peasant hunt' with donald trump jr.
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-chris-christie_us_56e6eb33e4b0860f99d9aacf
behold, chris christie's fawning 'interview' with donald trump
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kate-bornstein-theda-hammel_us_587d04d9e4b0e58057ffba58
queer icon kate bornstein holds groundbreaking conversation with theda hammel
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jeb-bush-i-embrace-carbon_b_7623400.html
jeb bush: i embrace carbon reduction
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-20-funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_us_58ac50f6e4b0a855d1d9d4d8
the 20 funniest tweets from women this week
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/years-of-us-government-lies-could-soon-result-in-a-kurdish-massacre_us_5a75db08e4b01ce33eb32b3a
years of u.s. government lies could soon result in a kurdish massacre
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ukrainian-band-lyudska-podoba-talks-patriarchy-sexualities-and-trojan-horses_b_5955742.html
ukrainian band lyudska podoba talks patriarchy, sexualities and trojan horses
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/theres-now-ee-cream_n_5969604.html
yup, there's now an ee cream
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-film-only-stars-one-eddie-murphy-1819589450
new film only stars one eddie murphy
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/david-lee-roth-might-as-well-jump-1819586632
david lee roth might as well jump
1
https://www.theonion.com/we-in-golden-age-of-thing-guy-who-likes-thing-reports-1819572661
we in golden age of thing, guy who likes thing reports
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eric-bolling-immigration-ferguson-fox-theory_n_6199510.html
fox host links immigration reform to upcoming ferguson grand jury decision
0
https://politics.theonion.com/u-s-general-jealous-that-syrian-army-allowed-to-attack-1819572732
u.s. general jealous that syrian army allowed to attack citizens
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/top-3-reasons-why-400-ppm_b_7565532.html
top 3 reasons why 400 ppm co2 is/is not the end of the world, or how i learned to stop worrying and love air conditioning. part 1: the numbers
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/has-d-day-arrived-for-cub_b_6402792.html
has d-day arrived for cuba?
0
https://local.theonion.com/mom-just-called-to-say-hi-and-that-she-s-very-sad-1819576047
mom just called to say hi and that she's very sad
1
https://local.theonion.com/suspension-of-disbelief-goes-unrewarded-1819572258
suspension of disbelief goes unrewarded
1
https://www.theonion.com/death-of-12-schoolchildren-makes-perfect-sense-1819571013
death of 12 schoolchildren makes perfect sense
1
https://local.theonion.com/area-man-busts-his-ass-all-day-and-for-what-1819564401
area man busts his ass all day, and for what?
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/independent-spirit-award-_1_b_6369404.html
independent spirit award nominee andrea suarez paz: "i hope to play something impossible"
0
https://www.theonion.com/pediatricians-announce-2011-newborns-are-ugliest-babies-1819572977
pediatricians announce 2011 newborns are ugliest babies in 30 years
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/iran-nuclear-weapons_n_7094778.html
supreme leader khamenei says iranian nuclear weapons are a u.s. 'myth'
0
https://www.theonion.com/sausage-storm-grounds-nations-airliners-1819586182
sausage storm grounds nation's airliners
1