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God, I hate those little push-button sink faucets and hand soap bars. I wish everything restroom related could be a touch-free experience. | OCD |
It’s royally pissing me off. I see “legitimate” news sources writing entire articles based on the results of studies performed by unvetted, nearly unheard of institutions or corporate-sponsored ones.
An example:
“New data from financial services company Legal & General finds that 43 percent of homeowners age 34 and younger got money from family or friends.”
A.) Who the hell are Legal and General?
B.) What methods did they use to collect their data?
C.) Is there supporting evidence?
D.) Why should one put any trust in this company? | aspergers |
I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD; just got back from the cardiologist (because my family doctor is super thorough) and everything looks great. But in the last few weeks (maybe even 1-2 months now) I’ve been having trouble (lots of stressful days) with behaviours related to addiction (I even picked up smoking again after 3 years of not smoking; + Baileys in coffee gonna be the end of me) and I’m worried that it’ll get out of hand. I’m going back to my family doctor next week to get my prescription and I’m thinking of adding something else as well just to help me kickstart the whole process and help me get back on the right path. I’m wondering if anyone tried this and had any positive experience or was Vyvanse on its own so helpful that all the addictions behaviours subsided? Thanks ✌🏻 | ADHD |
I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month and it’s been going well. I just like don’t know when /if I should disclose? I personally feel like I want to disclose it because I only started seeing a therapist about 7 months ago so I am just beginning to process my traumas so it’s a decent prt of my life right now. I just feel the need to share as well because sometimes when we’re getting sexual I have to ask him to take a break because my body shuts down, he always reacts well and never asks me why but I just kind of want to explain to him like it’s not his fault. I just don’t know if it’s “too soon” or if there even is a right time or if I’m supposed to wait until the moment feels right ?!?!? idk pls help me | ptsd |
I'm downloading it for the first time. I've always been wary of it, worried it might suck up all my time. But now with the pandemic (1 year in), maybe I'm ready.
What should I do to prepare while it downloads? Will I be bullied off the server, or can I play the game at my own pace? | aspergers |
Does anyone else feel this way?
There's always such a huge contrast between how much I enjoy simple things when on meds and not. Music is beautiful, human interaction is more meaningful and poetic, food (even with reduced appetite) tastes better. Living without Vyvanse was so bland and I thought it was just because I looked at life as something meaningless but now I realize how much more untreated ADHD does to you than you'd think.
I'm starting to function better even off meds and it feels great because I don't feel like I'm stuck to meds for the rest of my life.
How has your experience been with meds? | ADHD |
Sorry this is so long but I really need some help.
Because of covid I had to move back in with my mom and step dad. Over the past year my mom has said that I'm ungrateful, rude, and that I take their kindness for granted. Yesterday I was working on some embroidery and my mom told me to clear off the snow on my car. I went out and did just that and returned to my project. Later she sat down and told me that I was being rude for only clearing my car off and not doing the others. She said that I "live in my own little bubble," and that I only care about myself. I tried explaining that I was fixating on the project and that I did just as she asked. She said that I was using my asperger's as an excuse for being rude and "You're 23 years old, I didn't think I had to tell you to care about other people. I raised you better than that."
This really hurt me because I'm not trying to be rude or ungrateful, I just tend not to notice those kind of things unless someone points them out. My brain functions like computer and needs the exact commands. I'm not good at going beyond those constraints. If she wanted me to do those things she should just ask and I'd do it right away.
My mom also cites the fact that I don't buy grocceries, pay rent, tend to isolate myself, etc as examples of my ungratefulness. She's never outright asked me to pay rent or buy gorcceries. She tends to just hold those things over my head so she can make me feel bad. As far as the isolation, I work 10 hours and drive 2 hours 4 days in a row. I'm exhausted when I get home and I don't really want to spend time around her anyway since we don't have much in common....
I've felt so awful and selfish after all this and it's got me in a bit of a mental loop. So the question is.... Am I using my aspergers as an excuse? Am I being rude? Am I selfish for not noticing something that seems so obvious to others? What can I do to help make my mom understand?
Tldr; Am I being rude/ungrateful because I don't notice things that seem obvious to my NT mom? How can I help her understand? | aspergers |
I don’t mean to be. I can info dump for YEARS about my life story especially considering I end up adding unnecessary details for most of the time.
But when someone starts telling me theirs… *dial up noises*
Why the hell does my brain completely check out?! Like….honestly I am disinterested but I DONT WANNA BE, in my defense! Maybe it’s not an adhd but it could be lol | ADHD |
So I am a 22F and am pretty sure I have ADHD-Inattentive type. I have a test in February, so I haven’t officially been diagnosed but my mother and brother both have it and they both think I could have it too. I’ve been on this Reddit for awhile and found so much solace and peace in knowing I’m not alone because I relate a lot to so many of the symptoms that I’ve seen on here and read about on other sights. But I was talking to my mom recently (for some background, she isn’t really educated on ADHD, and was told that ADHD goes away in adults, so I’ve had to rid her of that misconception) and she said that she doesn’t really want to hear about ADHD information anymore, because she doesn’t want to start displaying more of those symptoms because she learned about it.
I was a bit disappointed and confused because while I don’t want to disrespect her boundaries, I told her I don’t think that’s how it works. But it’s making me question whether I have ADHD-I anymore, like maybe because I read so much about it, I’m starting to display symptoms more than I would. I thought it could just be me recognizing the symptoms as ADHD, but maybe I’m wrong. I thought that I was helping myself by learning more, but maybe I’m hurting myself. I also thought I was stopping myself from masking, but it might be psychosomatic. Is there any help I could have? | ADHD |
I feel like my communication issues have left me feeling completely alone throughout my life and now my self esteem is extremely low | aspergers |
It doesn't work. It never works. Let me tell you what's going to happen:
You start obsessing. 5 minutes are over. You're still fucking obsessing. You can't stop. Before you know it, 3 hours are over. You're filled with regret. You've passively given up. You go to youtube , stare at the white screen for an hour , and end up feeling even more miserable. Your brain tells you you're a piece of shit, and in this vulnerable moment you're more likely to believe it. You sleep to avoid reality. Before you know it, you just wasted your entire day obsessing.
When i was at my lowest, this was my daily routine. 4 days complete remission still going strong💪 | OCD |
Apologies in advance if I mess anything up, as I rarely use Reddit!
I joke about my sensory symmetry with my friends as "My stupidest symptom" because, well, it is. I've had it as long as I can remember. I cannot focus if I don't have even sensations on each side of my body (i.e. I touch one thing with my left hand, and then I need to touch it with another.) I don't often attach consequences to the symmetry, like "If you don't maintain balance, \_\_\_\_ will happen," but I do get an overwhelming feeling of discomfort and sometimes physical 'tics'. I watched a video in a psychology class the other day that had an animation of a neuron firing; it would send neurotransmitters to the other neuron's receptor on the left side of the screen, and then there would be a bright flash on that side. I physically could not look at the screen without getting intense anxiety, and my head would involuntarily shake from discomfort. This has presented itself in many ways throughout my life, like only walking on certain colors on the tile floors at school, or having to kick my toe really hard into something to replicate the sensation after I stubbed the opposite toe.
Anyway, I guess I'm just curious as to whether anyone else has this symptom. It has controlled my life for as long as I can remember, and yet I haven't met anyone who experiences it as well. | OCD |
Hi, so I have complex PTSD, I like think I manage it okay but there so many moments when I'm violently and irrationally angry... I don't like hurting anyone in anyone it's just rage.
It gets worst at night.
I'll wake every half hour covered in sweat and ready to fight... it takes me a few seconds to calm down but I just don't understand?? I don't have a bad life now or anything but that anger is still there.
I grew up fighting but I never took any pleasure in it.
People, friends jump out and surprise me just for fun I find myself holding back a fist and scared out of my mind.... | ptsd |
I was talking to my therapist about not beating myself up about ADHD symptoms that are largely out of my control because my brain chemistry is different, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel so undesirable and unemployable because of these symptoms.
Like, my University had a "neurodiversity career fair" and I laughed to myself because I was like sure... they can't *legally* refuse to hire me because of my ADHD but that doesn't change the fact that my ADHD makes me a bad worker. People can pay lip service to diversity but still recognize that I struggle with the exact things that make someone a poor worker and student.
If I go to a job interview and am honest and say "I have a disability that makes me chronically late, forgetful, unmotivated, and emotionally unstable" they're gonna be like.... next person please. Like I can learn to accept and love these things about myself while still recognizing that other people just won't.
Idk. I'm nearing the end of my degree and realizing I have to join the workforce soon and I just feel like no one will want me there. | ADHD |
I have zero ability to ignore sounds. The only way i can avoid hearing background noise from clocks, fridges, computers, ventilation fans and similar is to drown them out with something louder. Even the faint hum from my Bose 700 noise cancelling headphones annoys me. This makes it almost impossible for me to concentrate on anything. I don't think I have hyperacusis, as I can enjoy listening to loud music. Does anyone here have any suggestions for how to learn to ignore unimportant sounds? | aspergers |
I've been having a pretty intense, grotesque sexual obsession, of which I am beginning to handle very nicely. However, whenever I go to have sex with my girlfriend the anxiety heightens tenfold, and I can't maintain my... yeah. Any tips? | OCD |
what did you guys do when you're feeling really really worn out. everything is loud, your body feels lethargic and sick. but you're not sick. you have a lot of overdue and assignments to be done. but, you can't seems to make yourself do it.
I'm not sure what is happening. i just want to stare at the ceiling until this tired feelings go away. | ADHD |
Does anyone else have problems with short and long term planning especially when it comes to finances? If you do what are some ways you manage? | aspergers |
I have played soccer for 3 month and been heading a ball sometimes and been worrying about brain injury and feeling stupid. I work with therapist and taking medicine and kinda worked it out. But now I became paranoid about getting hit in the head. I always feel dizzy and stupid after each hit. Even if it’s weak( like when I scratch face I slightly touch it “harder”). I also worry about car slowing down and speeding up violently. Because it causes as I think movement of the brain inside the head. I tried to rationalize. I think that if your muscles are able to prevent you from moving during sudden stop it is ok, because out muscles are naturally made not to hurt us. But today the stop was so sudden that even seatbelt worked. So I have been worrying what if that damaged my brain. What do you think of that?
I know that brain is well protected and all but I doubt it all the time. I want to know your opinion. | OCD |
I am completely depressed, unmotivated, lack any energy and dopamine addicted. I spend all the time I’m not working staring at screens. Mainly my phone. I woke up over an hour ago and have just been scrolling on my phone. My screen time is so embarrassing. I mindlessly scroll through Reddit, Tik tok, social media for endless hours until I am forced to get up for work or I am hungry. On that note, I’ve developed a horrible relationship with food. I eat whatever I want with no self control and there was a time I wasn’t like that at all. I’m always playing video games, playing on my phone or watching YouTube videos. The simplest tasks like taking a shower sound like hell to me and I procrastinate everything. I don’t want to do literally anything. All I ever want to do is sit inside and stare at screens. There’s so many things I want to try to do but I just don’t have the motivation or energy to actually take the steps to do it so I just sit around all day.
I’m completely dopamine addicted and I don’t know how to feel normal. I don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with food and screens. I am always tired and irritable. How do I take baby steps to overcome this? Therapy isn’t an option as I live paycheck to paycheck and I have no insurance. I think it’s funny that when I did have a great therapist, I wasn’t nearly as depressed. Joke’s on me.
As I spend another early afternoon feeling paralyzed in bed, I’m just writing this hoping maybe someone can relate or someone maybe can provide some input or helpful advice. Thank you. | depression |
For more info, i’m a 17f living with my 18m boyfriend and we just moved in together 2 months ago. We’ve been dating for a year and I have OCD and it’s been an extremely tough battle, my OCD likes to fixate on my relationship a lot so it’s kinda the only thing I worry about. Ever since we moved in I stopped wanting to cuddle, talk to him, and I just want to self isolate now. I don’t know if I just want alone time sometimes or if i’m depressed? I can’t feel love, I can’t feel happiness… all I ever feel is sadness and anxiety. I’m so worried that I’ve lost feelings for him, I worry about it all the time, to the point where I’m having panic attacks. I want to love him so much but I just can’t feel anything towards him, I want to love him so so much but I just don’t feel it. So is it depression? have my feelings been drowned in my anxiety to the point where I’m just numb? please help. | OCD |
This was one of the most extreme treatments I witnessed at the OCD Institute. But it paid dividends. What are some forms of treatments you've done or seen?
[https://medium.com/@ocdtalk1234/why-she-wrote-hate-letters-to-treat-her-ocd-af919e728e76](https://medium.com/@ocdtalk1234/why-she-wrote-hate-letters-to-treat-her-ocd-af919e728e76) | OCD |
Is it weird to be obsessed with two way radios since I have sixteen of them and most of them are on the same frequencies and different brands. Such as Baofeng and Motorola. Ever since I have been getting radio scanners digital and analog. My parents think it’s a weird obsession. | aspergers |
Hey again.
33, OCD+GAD+Depression, OCD and Religious Trauma are the two biggest issues I deal with.
Ever since diagnosis, I've been through a number of therapists, psychiatrists, and medications trying to find help. None of the medications work well enough, none of the therapists are equipped to handle OCD as well as religious trauma (many have never heard of religious trauma), and in the grand scheme of things there's really been no progress whatsoever.
In the past couple of months, shit hit the fan pretty hard.
A new psychiatrist had me do the GeneSight testing and insisted I drop my Paxil to get on one of the medications in the "good" column on my results. But she kept rushing me off the Paxil in a short period of time in order to start the new med, which caused a lot of problems. I don't know why she didn't do the thing where you switch to Prozac to get off that instead because it's easier getting off Prozac than Paxil, but whatever.
Being up and down my meds kinda fucked me up over the summer, and during the month of August my OCD found a brand new thing to fuck with me about.
For a while now, I've been struggling with animated shows and games from Japan. It's unfortunately common for female characters to be sexualized while the story or canon occasionally declares them to be under 18.
The best example I can give is Ann from Persona 5, a character who is 16 or 17 (most of the game takes place in high school) that sports some sort of skin-tight catsuit for half the game.
As I got older, I found myself more and more uncomfortable about this kind of thing.
But it's confusing because I've seen all sides of the debate. Many people defend it all because it's animation and not actual human people. In fact, the people who voice these characters are often adults themselves. On the other hand, many people consider all of it to be. y'know. the "p" word.
Behind the scenes of everything else I've been dealing with, this kind of thing has been running rampant. I'm often mentioning how badly I miss the Persona games, and this type of struggle is literally why.
I'm a guy whose concept of sexuality got *real* fucked up by strict religion growing up. So I want to correct that and develop a healthier mindset on sex.
Yet then I see people online fawning over young-looking female characters who sometimes have adult assets (e.g. boobs) and adult voice actresses, and I gotta be honest, it's god damn confusing.
I don't want to restrict myself ever again. I restricted myself so much during the religious years that I think it fucked me up in many ways. *BUT* I also don't want to be *too* loose about things. If I shouldn't find something attractive, then I don't want to.
I finally started playing the new Monster Hunter RPG and right off the bat you're stuck following around a young-looking tutorial character who is showing an awful lot of skin.
Google's got nothing - nobody knows how old she's supposed to be.
The actual main girl's even worse - she's one of those fantasy races that's way older than she looks, and I just reached a point in the game where I learned I can unlock different outfits for her. Oy.
What it all comes down to is being a 33 year old dude who's WAY behind on issues of sexuality and morality due to being fucked up by strict religion for so long, who's struggling to do the right thing but also be mentally healthy in a world that doesn't have any straight answers.
**The real reason I haven't given an IOP or a therapist a shot in a couple of weeks now is because I'm afraid of what they'll think of this.**
It took enough courage to mention it to the therapist who ended up leaving because his internship was over.
But I'm scared of bringing this up to a therapist or IOP place that ends up saying "wait, so these characters are underage? I'm reporting you to the authorities."
I know it sounds a little ridiculous. But I'm scared.
And the worst part about it is the fact that *this isn't even the main issue.* Everything's been so fucking frustrating for years now because nobody can figure out how to tackle the combination of my Religious Trauma and my OCD.
Now I gotta find some place or person who *can* treat that AND won't freak out on me for the anime shit?
And then I think of this one guy I know who's in a committed relationship and has figures of these types of anime girls on his desk at home.
The type of shit that fucks me up the most, some people don't think about at all.
I don't get it.
I just want help. I want to be fixed. I want my OCD managed, I want my Religious Trauma managed, and I want to be a well-adjusted 33-year-old man with a healthy sex-brain.
And as far as I'm concerned I'm asking way, way too much. | OCD |
Sorry for any mistakes in advance english is not my native tongue but I'm trying :)
​
So, well, as the title says - I'm just wondering when it became more possible to be diagnosed with ADHD as a girl in Germany?
​
Yesterday I had a discussion - that ended in a kind of screaming match - with my parents because I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD in my childhood and it just ruined my life and academical future.
I'm not diagnosed yet bit I’m 99.999% sure I do have it, currently trying to get an appointment at a Uniklinik. For reference I'm more of a combined type with less hyperactivity and more inattentiveness.
My father is pretty sure I don't have it, but never tried to get himself informed about it since the day I told them that it's possible i have ADHD. He told me I rely too much on the internet (well, where else may I find so many resources and experience reports?).
My mother said it was impossible for me to be diagnosed in my childhood because noone knew about ADHD in girls during my schooltime (elementary school 1998-2002 then 'Gymnasium' till 2010).
Also she told me she wanted me to go to evaluation for psychological problems the time I was 12yo but I didn't want to go. Yeah sure, which 12yo can make lifechanging decisions for her mental health and have that much self-reflection to evaluate her brain malfunctioning? I'm sure she just doesn't want to take responibility for this sh\*t ruining my life, but that's another story.
​
So yould you please tell me if it really was impossible as they say?
Thank you for taking the time reading and for your answers! | ADHD |
Hiya. About two years ago my therapist said she believes I have Asperger's after I mentioned that I rock myself to sleep (and throughout the day) and was completely thrown off that not everyone does this soothing motion. After the session, I sat in my car in disbelief then felt that things fell into place and made total sense. I would always tell my mom that I don't fit in and things just appear so much easier for other people. I hate loud noises and always had to attempt to pump myself up before social events (that I would eventually make up an excuse and cancel). My love for Charlie Chaplin, random trivia, and people's heights seemed quirky to everyone but they have been things I focus on (does seem kind of strange as I type this out). The texture of denim and fleece make me cringe and my sense of smell is unbelievable. I have OCD, anxiety and depression...the great trifecta and struggle with intimate relationships. My awkwardness has come off as charming so I've had the ability to make friends but because I constantly cancel plans it doesn't seem to last very long.
My family kind of understands (my mom more than anyone as I believe she too is on the spectrum) but I just can't seem to explain myself when I don't want to do anything with them. I'm just not sure how to explain myself to neurotypical folks.
How have you all informed your family/friends/significant others about it? | aspergers |
Like I’ve been obsessed with titanic (the ship, not the movie) on and off for like 25 years. Now I watched the movie today and I’m off and running. Already learned a couple new things. I do deep dives on specific passengers and find out everything I can and then move on to the next. Anyone else do stuff like this? | ADHD |
I'm 18 I was in special education in high so when I graduated they gave me a certificate of completion which is kind like thank you for participating but you did not win type paper and I didn't even want to go to graduate just didn't for the family know I'm trying to get my GED and I fear if I don't pass it what will happen will I even be able to pass it and I fear how I might feel if I failed because then I know that I am not good enough it not really about the job opportunities I'll get more about me proveing to myself that I am equal to the normal people and that I have a right to live to but scared how it might crush me if I fail not that there is anything wrong with not having one just it more about me proving something to myself I'm sure I could get a job doing something but this isn't about money it about me knowing I'm equal and if I can't manage then I can always end it | aspergers |
I suffer from repetitive thoughts about something that happened in my life some years ago 24/7 it never stops drives me crazy, I've tried moving on from it, making changes in life to be happier etc even tried seeing a therapist all without much luck
For the last 12yrs I've had this friend & for some odd reason whenever she's with me the repetitive thoughts stop dead she's like a walking talking signal blocker
Anyone have any idea why? Because I'm stumped for a reason, no other friends stop it, pets, wife, whiskey | aspergers |
I feel like no matter how hard I try, and how badly I want to, I just cannot get to it every day.
Even if I have literally nothing on - no work or anything - I still just can’t bring myself to do it.
But when I do, I really enjoy it and find it helps enormously with my mood and focus.
Other than the times my brain is all over the shop and I end up just daydreaming for twenty minutes.
If anybody has managed to become a consistent meditator with ADHD - please share any tips! | ADHD |
One single load typically takes 2 tries. Anyone else? Unbelievably annoying. | OCD |
The university I go to, the counseling centre doesn't prescribe any stimulants since there were issues of people selling their meds. No matter what I say, my psychiatrist only prescribes me Wellbutrin which barely helps me. Should I just stick with Wellbutrin and keep upping the dosages till it works or should I seek a new psychiatrist? | ADHD |
I am really struggling with this at the moment. My flat is pretty organized imo. But my car is looking worse than a trashcan on the inside. It is stuffed with energzcans, fast-food bags,clothing and other unusual stuff that I will definitely not need during driving. I am really upset bc everyone who is driving with me is just grossed out and make comments about the situation. Does anyone has the same problem or some tips to avoid my car getting messy again after I will clean up the whole shit?
(I will apologize, English is not my first language) | ADHD |
Does anyone else feel like this? I’m just so uninterested in everything. I can’t really watch TV or movies because I get so bored. Can’t play video games because I get bored. It feels like I’m constantly searching for something to keep my interest, but I can never find it. The only motivation is external forces, I do well in school but that’s because I know if I don’t do my work I will fail. I’m a programming major, and I do well in classes and I know I have the skills to do stuff, but working on personal projects is impossible because I can never commit to them, I just lose interest and motivation too quickly or feel overwhelmed (I’m talking about within minutes)
My more book based classes that aren’t hands on I really struggle. Studying is a no go, I try to read and end up skimming or line skipping and I feel like the information never actually goes in my mind, I’m just reading it without being able to truly understand it.
It’s honestly incredibly frustrating. | ADHD |
This may not seem like a biggie but to me it was huge.
I was standing in line at my local supermarket. I live in a small rural town and we only have one supermarket. During the height of the pandemic, this market closed because wholesale suppliers in Vegas were having problems keeping local stores stocked. They decided to cut their losses by cutting my local supermarket out of their supply schedules. Since the store couldn't resupply, it went out of business. Since we have a lot of low income people in the area, the only local sources of food were now the Dollar Store and a gas station!
About two months ago the local supermarket reopened under new owners. The new owners upgraded all of the equipment and gave the store a deep clean. They added a deli which we have not previously had. They also hired back most of the former employees who had been laid off.
The new store looks spiffy and the prices are much more reasonable than the old store was. I do not know if the old prices were high because this supermarket was the only game in town or if the new owners have better leverage with the wholesale suppliers.
I was standing in line at the register behind a woman who had no money in her checking account. Her effort to buy groceries was rejected because of insufficient funds. The poor woman had to pull out her cell phone, access her savings account, and transfer funds into her checking account so that her debit card would work. This took a while.
The line behind me shifted to another register. Since I already had my groceries on the conveyor belt, I didn't move. The cashier offered me a smile and I just shrugged in response but otherwise said nothing.
If the woman ahead of me had been unable to pay for her groceries, I would have covered her purchase but was having problems thinking about what to say. This became a moot point after her financial transactions went through and she was able to transfer money between accounts.
After she left, the cashier looked me in the eye and thanked me for having been so patient.
"We've all been there," I said in regards to how this woman had had insufficient funds.
"But you were really patient. Some customers would have growled or cursed but you didn't say a word and that really made my job a lot easier. So thank you."
"You're welcome," I replied. After thinking about it, I also thanked her for noticing.
I don't interact with many people outside of work. I'm a high school Culinary Arts instructor. Outside of my classroom and school, I rarely say anything to anyone.
Within my field of expertise, I'm quite comfortable talking about anything that's related to Culinary Arts. The further we get away from my field of expertise, the less comfortable I am.
I suspect that this is because I tend to be unfiltered. Decades of experience have taught me to mentally filter what I say BEFORE I say anything. This sometimes results in a noticeable lag time between when someone has asked me a question and I'm able to formulate a response.
Even though it is never my intention to offend people, I sometimes inadvertently do this and am usually uncertain as to why anyone was offended. Efforts to clarify what happened always seem to make this worse.
"DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU JUST SAID IT!"
(sigh) For the record, if I knew what I had said to upset someone, then I wouldn't have asked what I had done to make that person so upset.
Years of experience have taught me that it's just easier to keep my mouth shut and to not say anything so as to avoid offending anyone.
I was therefore quite surprised when the cashier paid me a compliment. As I observed at the outset of this post, it was no biggie; but the compliment really made my day. | aspergers |
OCD stands for Obsessive compulsive disorder. However in a more simpler and easier way to understand the nature of this monster, I would like to call this the “Emotion leech”
#Basically all it does is :
Feed in your Will power, your motivation Your concentration, your happiness.
#How does it do this ?
First it needs to break down your mental strength, your ability to tell what is true and what is false, your ability to reason, your beliefs. Trust me OCD hates these and will do anything to destroy or root them out completely before it starts to torture you and eat you alive.
The best way to break this defense of yours is for OCD to go after the things you care most about the things you don’t want to loose at any cost, the things that you feel you have to protect at all cost. which in other words your weak points.
Unless these things that you love are achieved or invulnerable (at least in your heart you are 100% sure)
for example you have already passed your exams (you care about this but already achieved it so OCD can’t implant fear in this case. However if you are still a student and you are going to sit for a big exam in the near future, this is a perfect opportunity for OCD to implant fear, (this is only if you seriously care about the exam) it will always say you will fail the exam unless you do a certain ritual. This is extremely hard for a person who seriously want to pass the exam to accept so he/she will fall prey to OCD’a trap hence the start of the loop.
So after it goes after the things you care most it holds them hostage and always ask you for a ransom. The thing with OCD is that as soon as it releases these threats it makes it will soon do the same thing over and over again. It will make threats and give a set of instructions for you to follow (COMPULSIONS) and if you do it as it says it will reward you with a brief amount of time without obsessions, anxiety or compulsions, but soon again it implants doubt and fear and you’ll be back negotiating with OCD for the hostages.
#The weapon it use to break down your wall of mental strength :
Doubt, Fear and a prophecy (this prophecy is not true but it will be told to you in a way that even if you know it is nonsense you will end up believing it)
OCD is like startup in your brain at early stages it doesn’t have many features but as you do it for a long period of time it develops into a large company that can make contracts with you, come into agreements and can also order you to do things in exchange for something.
#So moral of the story:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE ! This is basically the system OCD use in all of us. The fear, doubt and the prophecies that OCD almost always use to threaten us are not true and in most cases these turn out to be blank threats. So don’t let OCD get pass your wall of mental strength try to ignore it’s threats and go on your day. In the end it doesn’t hold any of things we love hostage but only our selves. Give your self some love and stop doing the compulsions
You can control Compulsions but not obsessions and anxiety so for these talk to your psychiatrist and you will do better as you get medication.
Everyone who is suffering right now let’s all get through this ! We can get through this.
Feel free to discuss! | OCD |
Is it possible to only be triggered at certain times by the same thing? My manager looks like the person who hurt me and yesterday I hated him, imaged hurting him and refused to acknowledge him but today he sat next to me and spoke me through the new system which I found uncomfortable but then my colleague was getting stressed about work so I offered advice to him instead voluntarily? He hasn’t behaved any differently so I don’t understand why reaction to him changes so dramatically | ptsd |
I wake up, reset my alarm (always for exactly 1 hour or half an hour) then go back to sleep. I will repeat this 3 or 4 times unless I have an appointment or I have class. It eats into my day a lot, I will sleep 10 or 11 hours because of it. But it is extremely hard to resist. And when I am asleep I don’t experience ocd so that probably adds to the appeal. I’ve struggled with this for years and it makes me feel like such a failure | OCD |
In school, I always wanted to be Little Miss Perfect. Honor roll, prom queen, lead in the school musical. I think I always knew that something was wrong, and was trying to cover it up (especially since my only sibling has autism).
It's obvious that I missed opportunities due to my ADHD. I was always winging tests and doing assignments at the last minute, making me #32 in my high school class even though I was definitely smart enough to be valedictorian. I never practiced my singing and my dad gave up paying for my vocal lessons. I went to auditions having done almost no preparation and was surprised Pikachu when I didn't get in. But the worst part wasn't even having to fight with myself to do things.
The worst part was having to fight my *obsessions*.
I wanted so badly to think like a normal person. To not be weighed down by my hyperfixations every waking second. When I was in 7th grade, I tried to "transform" myself into Little Miss Perfect after being an unpopular loser who got detention every week (for missing assignments, of course) in 6th grade. A hurricane hit my town that October, and for some reason this began a new era of hyperfixation that ruined any hope of "transformation" I had. I had already created a universe of maladaptive daydreams the previous year, but after the hurricane, I started to *live in it*. In poems I wrote, I referred to the day of the storm as as "the day that every untainted truth within me was washed away". I was thinking about my maladaptive daydreams every second of every day, and even when I made friends the following year, I would just talk about my stories with them because that was literally all that was in my head. We even had a thing called "character emulation", where we would pretend that we were characters *in my stories*. Our entire friendship was based on this "joke", and could not stand without it. That hurricane also began a habit of hyperfixating on disasters, natural and otherwise (although I was kind of doing this before- I was obsessed with the Titanic for a while when I was 9, and have been incredibly fascinated by 9/11 since learning about it). I incorporated the hurricane, and past disasters, into my stories, and since my 7th grade year was a particularly bad one in the news, for a while I was putting disasters into my story-world as they were happening (like the Sandy Hook school shooting, and the Boston Marathon bombing). I used to call the anniversaries of disasters "Verbal Diarrhea Days", because on that day I would not be able to shut up about the disaster. And I was so sensitive that I was extremely emotionally affected by these disasters. In the days after the hurricane, I wrote about how I felt traumatized even though nothing bad had happened to me. A year later I was learning about the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire in class, and afterwards I literally cried about how much I wanted to be normal and not be haunted by these long-ago tragedies.
Often, these hyperfixations would be at direct odds with the Little Miss Perfect image I wanted to portray to the world. For example, my audition for the best performing arts school in the city was on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, and when I didn't get in I *truly believed* that I'd messed up the audition because I could not stop thinking about Pearl Harbor. I ended up going to a school for American history, which turned out to be terribly run and didn't have typical high school stuff like lockers and homecoming. While I was there, I sunk even deeper into my maladaptive daydream world. I was just reading some things I wrote at the time, and I wanted *so badly* to stop living in my daydreams. There was a particular night where I took a walk with my family, and for some reason, my mind felt unusually clear. I wrote a poem after that called "Beyond the Sky", hoping that this was the beginning of my mind becoming clear for good. In my writings, I would often reference time where I would "break free" and "come alive again".
But I *still* haven't come alive, almost 10 years after the storm. There is a constant hum of white noise inside my brain, which is sometimes just random media or songs, but oftentimes is content related to the same daydream world I created 10 years ago. Whenever I'm doing a task, or on public transportation, or trying to sleep at night, it's there. I seek out disaster content *on purpose* now; just hours ago, I was upset for people that died in a building collapse 18.5 years before I was born. I know that I will never be Little Miss Perfect, but damn, I just want to feel like a human. I want a mind that isn't constantly stuck on emotionally damaging and socially unacceptable hyperfixations. Apparently that's too much to ask. | ADHD |
Tw: death, pocd
Every fucking day my head is awash with the worst possible thoughts. My best friend had a kid, so it starts with POCD (despite never touching anyone) and runs the gamut until I’m convinced my mom resents me (despite her assuring me she loves me unconditionally) and I’m a broken, shitty person until I cry my throat raw.
I love my mom so much, but sometimes I feel like I have to curate my words and actions to get the love I need. I’m scared that one day she’ll have an abusive boyfriend again and I’ll scream for her to choose my sister & I instead and she’ll just continue to be subservient to some random man.
I was driving home today, getting the worst “no one loves you” thoughts, intrusive thoughts about sex, POCD, etc. all of it. I fucking cried and screamed to god that I’m scared. Just scared. I’m scared, I’ve always been scared.
I want to be pure and benign and loved. I don’t want ocd. I don’t want to always be reminded of every mistake. I don’t want intrusive thoughts. I don’t want all this guilt. I don’t want my compulsions. I don’t want to twist a snake of trauma off myself. I don’t want to do anything. I want to be held by my mom and be told I’m special and her sunshine. I want to be good. But I also want to be dead. | OCD |
Anyone got skills (regarding rather low level dissociations) that one can easily use in public?
The only one i've found to work for me (so far) is smelling lavender oil... | ptsd |
Hello! I've been reading alot of posts regarding careers and work advice lately and I thought I would budge in aswell.
I have very recently graduated a Higher Vocational education as a Maintenance Technician. Learnt alot of stuff, especially that in the end , this life ain't for me but I realised that when I had about 7 months left. So I stuck with it and now I work for a large car manufacturer with a specialised maintenance postition.
Money is good but holy fuck, the work environment is so stressful for someone with ADHD, I decided to raise my Elvanse dose because of it. It has helped but I can't stay with this for more than a year or two.
I know im gonna have to change careers or atleast jobs and I've seen alot of people talk about Gardening for example where the work is hard but the environment is chill.
So im wondering if someone have similar suggestions or just wanna share their perspective. | ADHD |
I have noticed some autistic characteristics in Thrawn, and was wondering if any of you felt similarly or had any thoughts on the matter.
He lacks understanding of political nuance and social structures
He notices patterns in things that may not be apparent to most people
He has a special interest in art and what it can say about those who create it
He is often impossible for others to read emotionally
He values loyalty and honesty
It is mentioned in the books that all Chiss (his species) are not like him
He does not often speak openly about how he is feeling
He is often oblivious of others’ opinions of himself, and sees competition as unproductive
In any case, I related to some of his attributes and was wondering if any of you had anything to say about Thrawn. It probably is worth mentioning that Thrawn is a clear villain, especially in the original book trilogy. Although, the new prequel Thrawn trilogy does set him up to be more of an anti-hero or villain with good intentions. I enjoy finding autistic coded characters in media and Star Wars is my special interest so I love it when those two things intersect. | aspergers |
I'm pretty sure most of you felt that title. NTs just seem to feel like we're not trying, and never seem to believe us when we tell them over and over that, no really, we aren't making these mistakes and forgetting these things on purpose. This has been an issue with my parents, my friends, work, relationships, everything. I just need someone to never tell me to just do things I FUCKING CAN'T. | ADHD |
Don’t know if this is an OCD thing or just an anxiety thing, but I may as well put it in here to see if anyone else relates.
Does anyone else get stuck in thinking up alternative realities that didn’t actually happen? A good example is this morning, I caught my foot on my doorframe and nearly fell. Managed to catch myself though and was fine- but now stuck in some sort of loop of not being able to stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’. What if I did fall, and really injured myself (if I was to fall it would be one hell of a fall down lol)? Did I actually fall but I’m just blocking it out? What if I fell and hit my head that badly and died? Etc etc you can imagine the rest. I barely managed to stop myself from opening my door again and look at it to see what the fall would have been like.
Does anyone else experience this- and if so does anyone have any advice on how to get out of this headspace and get on with things? Any help would be appreciated! | OCD |
How does medication work? I just want my thoughts to go away, also with the anxiety. Can thoughts go away when taking medication? | OCD |
my longest one has been on a show that i love dearly. its been a little less than a year since ive started it and joined the fandom and my obsession still runs super deep, especially for the characters and everything. ive enjoyed other shows and things before too after, but not like this…..it seems i always just come back to the fandom 😂 this made me curious to hear how long a typical fixation lasts and if this is normal! | ADHD |
5 years ago I dated a great person for about a year. We were good for each other, not perfect but more compatible than anyone I'd dated before, and more than folks I've dated since. But I wasn't ready for the relationship, I still had terrible self worth, could barely manage my anxiety, didn't give my partner the respect they deserved, and just didn't stand to gain from settling down at the time versus remaining single and mingling (though this doesn't factor in as much as earlier reasons). It took me a while to recover and move on, because as I've worked on myself and tried to improve rather than repeating the same mistakes, I've had to process that much more about how poorly things went with this ex. Like a mistake that you only realize the magnitude of in spurts 20% every year. Lately I had the curiosity to check how they are doing, I hadn't searching them online for a year or so. I knew they had been in a steady relationship for a couple years and suspected they'd probably gotten married if still together. But seeing the changed last name, the official sign, still put me in a melancholy mood today. Of course I knew as soon as things ended that there was no going back, and I still know I'm not the person they're supposed to be with, and I hope the best for them in life knowing how good of a person they are, but damn it just keeps coming back around and kicking me in the ass, this mistake I made.
That's all. Just a snippet of life for this post. Lots more completely unrelated depressing thoughts been on my mind the past week (processing guilt and self hate for other past mistakes) but I haven't felt like posting about those yet. I don't need any comments about the vent, but any are welcome. Good night y'all | depression |
I was pretty tired and kinda off at work the other day and when I'm like this I usually talk waaaaay more then I usually would. I work at a grocery store and was just facing the shelves for 6 hours with my manager. I basically talked to him non-stop for 6 hours straight about just random things it started with Chinese mythology and ended with me apologizing for probably annoying him. Then proceeded to talk a million words per minute to my girlfriend while shopping and kept accidentally interrupting her and could tell she was getting annoyed so I apologized again for talking to much. I used to do it alot at my old job to just standing at a table cutting meat for 8 hours a day. | ADHD |
Very quick history, grew up in very undisciplined household, I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has undiagnosed ADHD. I was diagnosed about 18 months ago in my early 30's (shoutout to r/adhd for making that process so much easier.) Medication has helped, but wasn't quite the "light switch turning on/putting on glasses for the first time" kind of a moment as it is with some people. My brain just works a little bit better than without.
I have noticed now that the honeymoon period of "Oh my god my whole life makes so much more sense now" has ended, I am starting to feel a bit lost and hopeless about how to improve my life and productivity. I know certain things like setting a pomodoro timer, bullet journal, keeping a calendar, etc. all help, but I feel this MASSIVE resistance to doing any of those things pop up. I'll build a new calendar with a ton of categories and fill in all the stuff I have coming up. Then a couple of days later my friend and I will make a plan and I'll think "I should put this in my calendar." But some part of me is just like, "nah." and then I don't. Wtf is that?
Does anyone have any advice or tools for actually following through with advice and tools lol?
P.s. I am in talk therapy and understand a lack of motivation can come from depression. For sure that is relevant. But I also know when I can motivate and get my life together tasks and projects wise I feel so much less depressed! | ADHD |
I know that motivation is not the answer, discipline is. But how do I begin to cultivate it (again)?
IDK y'all, I've been struggling lately. I'm in my final leg of my dissertation maybe I have ~ 6-7 more months on my side. I feel like I was so driven and on top of things even a few years back in mid-20s. I was so disciplined, be it exercise, eating right or emails...I was hungry for it. I've been struggling the last year. Its easy for me to blame it on covid--- but I know its not. I also know that its not depression, anxiety, or burnouts (I take weekend breaks and holidays)
As an academic, a lot of our work is self-motivated where we set my own milestones, goals etc. I actual love my work, my field and plan on staying in academia. I do weekly check-ins with my advisor, and for the past few months I waste my time on the other days and so I'm always cramming to get work done just to get by those meetings. I just lie on bed scrolling for hours in the morning. I have little motivation to go to my workplace at times. And b/c its covid, no one really bats an eye. I also live on my own (no partners, family, or pets).
For people who are/ were in my position. How do you do it? How do you show up to the grind every day? How did you get back that discipline? I'm struggling to cultivate discipline. I've read all the self-help books, small habits blah blah. But *big sigh" energy.
TL:DR: How to start giving more fucks so that I'm motivated enough to be disciplined?
Please note: I do not have ADD (or at least not diagnosed). I posted this on another forum and someone recommended that I seek advice here as more of you may know how to manage it, or have tips and tricks up your sleeve to help manage it? | ADHD |
Some days, I literally just sit on my bed and scroll through my phone all day. This is WITH my medication.
I feel so confused about it and I am wondering if the dose is wrong or if I am just lazy on top of my adhd.
I get so hyper fixated on my phone that I can’t pull away. Even if I get up and begin a task, I have been getting distracted on dumb things like I used to.
A good example is today, I began collecting unwanted clothes to give to donation. I ended up cutting up all of the clothing, trying to make new and improved styles? They obviously all went in the bin, but what the hell. What an absolute waste.
In the beginning, the medication was working like a charm. I feel now I am focusing on the wrong things.. it’s a mess.
Anyone relate? | ADHD |
Hi all,
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Recently I've been having an issue where my hearing has been EXTREMELY hypersensitive, to the point where it's almost driving me crazy. I can hear everything, from the plastic and metal creaking in the radiator in my room, to the slight tick when I close my laptop lid, and it's driving me NUTS. I've also had a lot of purchase anxiety lately, almost to an obsessive degree, where I will constantly research a product I'm thinking of buying until I come across something that changes my mind (Whether it be potential issue with that product or something else that interests me). Both of these things really worry me and cause pretty bad anxiety, as I don't believe I have always been this way.
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Nobody in my family seems to really get how this is driving me so crazy. I've been seeing a therapist about the OCD issues, but it doesn't really seem to be helping me. I'm just wondering if anyone else on these forums has similar issues. | aspergers |
It doesnt happen as much as it did before to me, but sometimes I look at trippy images like optical illusions and images with lots of shapes and colours and I feel really startled and scared. | aspergers |
I can't imagine how it's possible for a job to be so targeted against autistic people and yet it seems to be the only kind of place that would hire me. Every aspect of sales is hell. Having to talk to people, just standing in the street for hours on end with no distractions other than the constant anxiety of having to keep talking to others. There is never any space to take a break even if it's just a few minutes to try and get myself together. There is zero understanding of the fact that not everyone is a manipulative psychopath that can kiss ass every second of the day. I know this job is clearly not meant for me, they've made that abundantly clear form the moment they saw me. But these jobs are bullshit enough to hire me and the hiring managers are usually stupid enough to fall for it when I'm able to mask for the duration of the interview.
The thing I hate most about it are the people. They're just neurotypicals taken to the extreme because that's what this job rewards. The people who make it in this industry are always so entitled, self-centered and so unaware of how stupid they actually are. Society just deems them more valuable because they're good at never shutting up and constantly trying to manipulate others. The whole thing feels like a cult with every one on the team constantly repeating mantras like "it's all about attitude" and "people buy people". I can't fathom how these people are actually happy doing this, they fucking enjoy it and because they constantly push their toxic mindsets onto others. The man who interviewed me (I'll call him Toothless based on his lack of teeth) was unable to put together a coherent thought that isn't related to sales. Do those people just constantly think about that? Also as a side note they seem to always be anti maskers because of course their comfort is more important than anyone else's wellbeing.
This job is such an all consuming depressing pit and it's all based around how well you can take abuse. This is is literally being verbally abused for 8 hours a day while your boss hangs around to tell you what you just did wrong after every interaction. I hate it an I feel like I'm going to go crazy doing this but I need the money and can't turn it down. But this thing is making me feel something I can't even describe I had to have an extremely long shower after the interview and now even two hours letter I feel so stressed that I can't do anything enjoyable. I just want to sit on my own and play with code but I can't shut off, this job is already taking away all of my coping mechanisms. I just wish I could do something for a living that doesn't make death seem like a much better option. | aspergers |
Looking back, I'm pretty sure I've had it since I was ten or eleven.
I went through quite a few phases when I was a kid that I'd always considered as being explained by just being a phase and being a weird kid, now I think they were my first symptoms of OCD.
I was diagnosed with GAD in my early twenties and therapy didn't really help.
Now, at 32, I've been told that GAD wasn't the right diagnosis and I actually have OCD, and therapy didn't work the first time because it was the wrong kind of therapy. When I was diagnosed, my therapist said this is a big thing do you have any thoughts or questions or anything to talk about, and all I really had at the time was that it was incredibly cathartic. Because I don't have to feel like an insane or weird person anymore, there's a name for it and a way to treat it, but I had some doubts.
After reading some of the resources she sent me, it became 100% clear to me that it was the right diagnosis and had been for a really long time. But, I thought, if it went diagnosed for over two decades it must be mild and I took some comfort in that.
But, then I kept reading and kept thinking about my life, and it became pretty clear that it's effected every aspect of it, from romantic and platonic relationships, to work, to school, to my self esteem and self perception.
Especially my self esteem and self perception.
All the problems it caused seemed so disparate and unrelated to one another that I had never considered they all shared, at the very least, a partial underlying cause.
I've always had trouble making new friends and starting romantic relationships so I must be ugly and unlikable, but it's at least partially attributable my OCD having me worry about making someone uncomfortable or accidently stepping over a line and everyone thinking I'm a creep for the rest of my life.
I don't have a degree because of my substance use when college had me so stressed and anxious, and that had always been because I'm not smart or responsible to earn a college degree. And, yes, that was reckless and irresponsible, but it wasn't just reckless and irresponsible, I was also self medicating what I now understand was an debilitating and undiagnosed mental disorder.
I haven't used a razor in five years because every time I tried I couldn't get my beard even enough and eventually had to just shave the whole thing off. Even using trimmers takes me like 30 minutes because of how thoroughly I check to make sure I didn't miss a spot and patch is longer than the rest. I'd always chalked that up to being so uncoordinated I couldn't even shave my beard properly.
I'm pretty sure every romantic relationship I've been in ended in part due to my OCD. I'm not trying to blame everything on OCD and say it was the primary cause or only cause in all of them or that I'd still be with any of them even if I didn't have OCD, but I think it was a contributing factor in all of them. And, I'd always thought that was because there was something wrong with me and I was bad at relationships and no matter how much effort I put into being a better boyfriend had never and would never actually make me a better boyfriend.
I could list stuff like this for a while longer, but I won't. Without being able to trace all of these problems, at least in part, to a single underlying cause, the most probable cause for any one of them was that I was just deficient in some way.
So, that's what I believed about myself for 22 years. For almost 70% of my life so far. That I was just irredeemably deficient in just about everyway possible.
It feels very unfair in a cosmic way, but I guess thats just life.
I'm really not looking forward to ERP.
But, if I've been able to live with OCD for 22 years and still be a semi-functional person, I'm pretty sure I can do just about anything. | OCD |
Sometimes when things get overwhelming I want to break something. Walls, tables, etc have all fallen prey to this. I'm not sure why it just makes me feel better. Has anyone else experienced this? If so have you figured out how to do this more healthily? It makes me feel better so I'm not necessarily opposed to the behavior itself, but I'm bothered that I'm breaking things that really shouldn't be broken. | ADHD |
So my OCD developed after a near fatal wreck, and was based on MRSA; I overcame it through sheer apathy and heroic willpower that I seem to have misplaced, for two years, and while that theme died it came back in another form and has lasted 15 years
Recently, ontop of the general fear of germs which is the new focus, the nose fear revived (not MRSA, but general staph aureus). I guess simply a fear of my nose and mucus having an inflated risk of infectivity if I should for some reason exhale particulates or touch my nose to something, touch my mustache....things that are real hard to avoid if you need to shave or shower or clean or blow your nose.
I know my fear is distorting, I know part of it is irrational, but I still feel like SOME of the concern is valid. My level of horror is off the charts, however, for this particular new added focus.
With ERP, the usual treatment, everything I’ve seen or nearly everything focuses on ignoring the thought as irrelevant garbage, and to merely trigger oneself and ride out the compulsion anyways.
I get the methodology behind it, I really do, but with something that has AT least some validity as being actually a plausible risk, how does one comport doing this if their biggest fear is harming others?
I’ve heard some OCD treatments TRY to address the maladaptive thought process behind it and help to find a proper way of looking at it, but it seems my therapist(s) and everyone I inquire regarding it tend to get very dismissive of this.
Could someone explain why this is so frowned on, particularly in instances such as my particular “possible but unlikely” case where some better understanding seems like it could pair together to reinforce the behavioral therapy?
I guess I’m just stuck, and not understanding why they don’t want to address or try to reconnect the awry logic behind the OCD? I believe it’s trauma based, as I have PTSD as well, so maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time with just “doing it”.
Thanks, all! | OCD |
Does anyone else’s PTSD run in a cycle in terms of when they get triggered? Mine tends to go: initial trigger, initial panic attack, couple days where I feel fine and think I’m over it, and then a day where I wake up and feel really triggered and out of it. It usually takes me a bit to realise what the trigger was since it will have happened a couple days before when it really hits me. Just curious if anyone can relate because this is the 4th time I’ve noticed this pattern. | ptsd |
I’m a narcissist and I know it. I can get anyone to do just about anything. Sometimes I do it for fun. I make stuff up just so I can make someone believe something ridiculous just to prove to myself I’m smarter than them and they are inferior. I also love bomb and then switch to being rude. I know I do it and I know exactly how I affect others around me. But I still do it just because I know I can make them like me again. I hate myself for doing it but also I kind of thrive in the chaos. I’ve struggle with depression and suicide. Since I was in third grade. Not really asking for anything. Just sayin. | depression |
I've been depressed for 26 years. Bad childhood. Got married and had a kid but still not happy. I just think I'm permanently broken, between therapy and meds nothing seems to work.
So maybe I can help someone else. If you're depressed I'll talk with you, no judging. Or I'll just listen, whatever you want. The topic doesn't matter, I like sports and it seems to be better for me to talk about that then how fucked up my head is. | depression |
I know this is ridiculously long, I just need to vent to people that will hopefully understand, and I have A LOT to vent.
Let's start at the beginning, or close to it. Childhood, say twelve years old and under. 2-3 friends at any given time, almost never maintained a friendship for more than a year, never saw them outside of school. Really had very little in common anyway, usually just wound up talking to them because we were paired together for whatever reason or we were seated beside each other. I was always just...different. More sensitive. More afraid. More shy. More controlled.
Things that didn't really bother other children bothered me immensely. I couldn't bare to get in trouble at school at all. There was only one time I did get in trouble, it was one of the few times where I was actually talkative, and got reprimanded for it. I literally sobbed in front of the whole class. I got an F on a paper in 2nd grade, and again sobbed in front of the whole class. At that time, I fell into a phase of crying because my mom couldn't be at school with me, even though I'd already dealt with that through Kindergarten and 1st grade. If another kid so much as got near my tray at lunch, I couldn't eat it, I'd just starve. You know those lice checks the school would force on you? Yeah, I FREAKED over this all through elementary school. The combination of a stranger touching me + my preferred hairstyle (braids, which I refused to leave the house without until I was about 13) was basically a traumatic experience.
Weird things like this that just add up.
I had to be basically forced to play with others, and even then I still didn't really get how. Even when I was young, I found my peers irritating and immature. The way they ran around and acted silly and loud just didn't jive with me. I wanted as little attention on myself as possible. I remember going to parades as a kid, and every other child would be waving and saying hello to those in the parade (just to get candy I'm sure, but I digress) and I wouldn't. My parents would literally lift my arm and wave for me and I'd just stand there fighting them and wishing the ground would swallow me whole before anyone saw.
Even at elementary school age, kids had crushes and 'dated' and I to this day have never had a single interest in dating. I didn't get the point then, I don't get the point now. It bothers me sometimes that there is this huge part of most people's lives - that being intimacy - that I've never experienced, but I just don't have the desire. I'm pretty sure I only ever really had one crush as a child, and it lasted from the time I was 9 to about 12 (and only stopped there because he moved away) and I think that in and of itself is unusual. Every other girl liked ten boys at once and 'dated' throughout the year, I never did anything.
My social ineptitude cannot be understated. I have never had social skills whatsoever. I mean NONE. I was cripplingly shy and hated talking to anyone I didn't know well, and avoided it at all costs.
I just had very limited and very intense interests, always. Very rarely did I go through any type of phase or go along with fads. I read a lot. Like *a lot* a lot. I have been utterly obsessed with cats literally since before I could talk. I've always loved animals and to be honest, almost always cared about them more than people as a child, although that's not to say I didn't care about people at all. So most of my toys were animal-based: FurReal Friends, Littlest Pet Shop, stuffed animals out the wazoo, Pokémon (but only to collect the cards and admire the creatures, not so much to actually play any game).
I did however love Barbie and played with them until I was 14, at which point I only stopped because I finally realized I was way too old and got worried someone might find out and bully me.
So. Teen years. Oh, good God. Well, I became home schooled at age 12 and it wasn't great. I had no contact or interaction with anyone else my own age ever again after I left public school, so that didn't help things. But I still never was like an ordinary teen. The things from my childhood just carried over into my adolescence, although with a bit of a twist. I somehow went from being a mature child to an immature teen. Like I mentioned, still playing with toys at 14. My peers were doing things that I had no desire to do, like dating, venturing out on their own, working, etc. I was still terrified of the world. I was terrified to leave my parent's side. I was 16 before I EVER left the boundaries of my yard without them. I still cried easily, or got angry easily. Still cripplingly shy and reserved, maintained mostly the same interests, still read all the time.
Now here I am, 21. Oh my God, it just gets worse. My interests have broadened a little bit, but I still don't fit in. Music is a big passion of mine, I took up guitar, and yet my tastes and inspirations are very off the wall for someone my age, so again I have no way to connect with people or make friends. I like old TV shows and old movies, same issue. I have absolutely no desire to drink or party, I'd rather go hiking or on a picnic, and no one else does.
Other anecdotal 'signs' I may be on the spectrum:
- majorly sensitive to sounds. I have to have earplugs to blow dry my hair, use an electric mixer, or weedwhack because otherwise I can't take the noise.
- Oh, I forgot to mention I used to beat the shit out of myself and bite myself all the time when I got mad. I still tend to react with physical self-harm when I get overwhelmed mentally or emotionally. Hitting my head, punching myself in the thighs. I'm mortified to admit it but I can't explain it. I just seem to 'check out' in a way when I get like that and all I can do is hurt myself. Don't know why.
- I have to constantly repeat myself because no one can understand me. I've always had a very flat tone, sometimes mumble. My face always looks blank as hell, I've noticed this while trying to record my guitar progress, I always just look spaced out even when I'm not.
The worst thing about all of this is possibly that I have seriously suspected I have autism since I was about 17 but have no way to seek a diagnosis. I'm still dependent on my parents and they would NEVER go for it. My mom's thoughts on autism have come up frequently due to television and a relative's child who may be on the spectrum, and she's just very uneducated on the topic. She hears 'autism' an envisions a severely mentally disabled person, possibly wheel-chair bound, must spend their life in a group home, etc. I would never, ever be accepted, and I have no one else in my life, so I'm not real keen to rock the boat.
So I'm just 'off' enough to not fit in anywhere else, but all the autism communities online that I could find people who understand and possibly make friends won't accept me because I'm a self-diagnoser. And I get it, it's not valid, I totally accept the fact that I could be wrong. But god I'm tired of feeling like a pariah.
If you even read half of this, thank you. I guess I'd just like to know, regardless of whether or not I'm on the spectrum, how do you deal? Most of the time I'm okay but sometimes it is glaringly obvious that something ain't right and I feel like absolute trash who is never going to be happy. | aspergers |
I’ve wasted so much of my fucking time and money trying to find a way to make life worth getting out of bed and every time I just fail like the pathetic loser I am | depression |
My friend was just broken up with after 3 years. She’s obviously heartbroken and needs friends and support. But i don’t know how to help her when i myself have so many problems and can hardly keep myself afloat.
I have adhd, depression and anxiety. Even during the summer I was struggling with keeping myself mentally stable and to try being productive. But now we both have just moved back to the UK to finish out final year of university. I hate living here but I can’t really do much about it now. It takes so much energy not to break down every single day because of how much i miss home and hate living abroad. On top of it I also have majorly messed up my grades the first to years of uni and this is my last chance to make these 3 horrible years worth something at least.
But the past two days with her have felt like months. I tried listening to her, but the constant repetitive things that she says (which i understand she has to vent) take so much out of me to actively listen to. On top of that she needs constant attention. But if i do so I can’t study because she’s distracting and as someone who struggles with adhd having anything distracting in the room when you try to study is a death sentence to my attention.
I’m not sure if i’m alone with this but I also need plenty of personal space and quiet to get through the day. But with her here I just don’t have any of it atm.
Am i a selfish a$$hole for this? I’m trying so hard to tell her this but every time i think about it i break down crying because i feel so guilty. | ADHD |
ive thought i had it for like years and i hate self diagnosing and i feel horrible for even saying i might have it. ive had these horrible thougts and urges sincee i was very little and it really hurts me. i cant do anything in school because the thougts wont stop. will they give me emds if i get diognosed ? | OCD |
I’m 25. I’ve been having nightmares here and there of the guy who had stalked me, harassed me at work(he was a customer), and threatened my family and I. I was on high alert for 2 years, staying hyper aware of my surroundings when I left work to go home, and when I would go to any store. He was a complete stranger who became obsessed with me and told me repeatedly I’ll leave my boyfriend for him. That event took place 2018-2020, it stopped when he was finally arrested and jailed, and I have a 2 year injunction put on him now. I quit that job because it was triggering working there where employers made me feel stupid for calling police on the stalker guy. But it’s not a worry for me anymore and I don’t think about it daily. I have no triggers that triggers these nightmares I randomly have here and there. I had a great weekend so I don’t know why I had another nightmare last night.
The nightmares usually consist of him breaking in my house & trying to grab me, or he’s outside trying to get in the house. He never looks away from me and stares intensely just enjoying my fear, even though I usually push him out or my boyfriend beats him up in my dream. In real life, he never broke in my house or tried to grab me, it’s an irrational fear that manifests in my nightmares.
Besides the nightmares, the only other ptsd symptom I can think of is startle responses. If someone is at the door or I hear the door handle jiggle, I get really scared and my heart starts beating fast. I usually don’t answer the door if I’m not expecting any company. I always make sure doors are locked.
Is it possible to get over this ptsd? My family thinks I’m overreacting so I’m thankful for finding this sub. | ptsd |
Because of my sexual assault the feeling of my breast rubbing against my shirt makes me panic and have flashbacks especially, I've tried everything to stop this feeling including wearing a chest binder (the kind a trans boy might wear) which helps a little bit but leaves me with back pain after a while and dosnt completely solve the problem. I literally cant wear a regular bra at all without freaking out and self harming and getting urges to mutilate my chest. Is it wrong to pursue getting my breasts removed completely? I really only see them as objects of sex and assault, not to mention the physical sensations from them are overwhelming. Would I be able to convince a doctor to remove them even? I feel like if I told a therapist this they would just tell me I need to cope with the feelings better but to me that just sounds like you HAVE to feel like your being raped all the time and you just HAVE to feel ok with it. I really really really want them gone and I never want to feel sexual arousal again but I feel like everywhere society is saying that I HAVE to recover and enjoy sex again and that that is the goal of therapy when that's not what I want. | ptsd |
I have Aspergers and I wanna know why ever since I was little I've been obsessed with technology. | aspergers |
When I look at the ruin which is my life, I see it was myself who did all that, who destroyed everything.
Sometimes, it just that urge of inexplicable self-destruction to crush everything. Sometimes, it just fear and anxiety to try. Sometimes I just too stupid to realize.
I did tried you know, but it's just never enough. I don't know what to do. I tried and tried but one mistake and boom, everything go down the drain. Haha.
I wish I can blame some kind of circumstances that I can blame on, but I know all in all, it was all my fault. I just didn't try enough isn't it? But ah, I am so exhausted already and guess what, it still not enough. I don't know how people can do it, but I guess it's just me. I have always failed to be human.
I don't wanna be me. But I don't know how to fix myself and it's already too late anyway.
I wish I have it in me to put an end to this story before it become more worse day by day. But then again, isn't it the point of all, that I am not even courage enough to kill myself. | depression |
Regarding ADHD as a learning disability. One thing scares me to no end. I'm great at math, I'm great at language, I'm great at history, psychology, sociology and to in \*some\* aspects also science. It feels like I got every necessary scale filled to the brim already, I just learn concepts quickly. I absolutely hate school though and can ONLY perform well if I'm interested. Spoiler alert: It's rare, very very rare. I'm not an intellectualist (someone who seeks knowledge for the sake of enjoyment) for school in the least and have just recently learnt to force myself to pass by using medication (with years of practicing through copious trials and error, different lifestyles, mindsets, overcompensations etc).
And here it comes, the obvious. One thing I can't perform well not on, no matter how interested and engaged and hyperfocused I am, no matter my medication. Is programming. One of my courses is in programming and I'm afraid if I don't manage to struggle my way through this tiny thing (there really isn't a lot left) I won't be able to complete my gymnasium exam (gymnasium for those who don't know, it's a preparatory school between ages 16-19 and is obligatory to get prerequisites for an advanced degree, e.g., bachelors, PhD etc. and exists in a few different countries). The course is getting too hard at this point. I feel like I know what to do and then just nothing works and I can work on simple programs for hours, thinking I am getting somewhere, seeing some sort of change but never getting there in the end. I feel like I'm at a dead end. If you are good at programming, or even better; have been bad at it in the past but overcame it. How did you do it? I NEED TO KNOW | ADHD |
My whole life I knew something was up and went private to get a diagnosis (I'm from the UK), after the first chat (the normal life story and why I came to realise something is up) my doctor strongly suggested I have ADHD inattentive and Aspergers.
I'm really struggling with stereotypes as I don't fit the criteria for Aspergers yet I do at the same time, I know it's a spectrum but this makes me feel like a reject from the asperger community.
I'm actually quite an outward guy with talking (other than eye contact I'm constantly flicking between the eyes then everywhere else lol)
Does anyone else not stereotypically "act" like someone who has Aspergers/ASD?
Please inform me with any information needed for a person whose recently been diagnosed! | aspergers |
My 12 year old sister just showed me her scars, and told me that she has been cutting herself for the past year. She did vaguely hint at it a few weeks before but I didn't know how to deal with it and still don't. I guess seeing the scars solidified it.
She also seems to be suffering from depression, though I am no psychiatrist. Her grades have been dropping, she doesn't do the basic self-care things like showering enough, and tends to be a lot more on edge now. Maybe it's puberty? I am noticing these signs a lot more than the rest of my family because I started cutting myself when I was 11, too (I never let her know about any of this. She just knows that I got therapy this past year).
I'm not sure how to tell my parents about getting therapy for her because while she is open to the idea, I doubt that they will take it seriously when she's so young, especially because my sister told me to not mention the self-harm. I need some advice on how to approach my parents for this because I'm afraid of things escalating for her, the way they did for me.
I'm 17, if that helps | depression |
Does anyone have any tips for finding a mentor?
In highschool and college i was able to find a teacher and in one case a peer who were probably somewhere on the spectrum. They seemed to get me and were weird and seemed just as baffled at what most people do as I am. I learned so much from them and honestly learned how to use my "traits" to my advantage.
Does anyone have any tips for finding a mentor like this in the real world? Or even any books written by those on the spectrum or that they suspect to be on the spectrum?
I have read a lot of great books about ND topics, but most seem to be written by NTs so they lack the connection I'm looking for. I can usually sniff them out in person, but I work from home and slack provides little information on mannerisms. | aspergers |
I've been a mechanic for 18 years and last week I took a job as a shop manager at my current job. I will be over 14 guys. This is my first time not turning wrenches for a living. Hope this goes well. I really just like to be alone and do my thing. I was just tired of wrenching and wanted to try something different. I really hope that I can make this work for me. | aspergers |
Basically I was advised to write a letter to my mental illness as if it were a real person. I found it helped me, both writing to it and reading my family's letters to my mental illness.
So I started a project where I collect and publish people's ‘Letters to their mental illness’ where anybody can post letters to their illness, from eating disorders, bipolar, agoraphobia, depression, OCD etc. Alternatively you could write to a loved one about the illness. It’s all anonymous of course. The aim is to share the letters and read other people's letters and hopefully it will make us feel less alone!
I would love a letter from anybody here who would like to take part! Thank you for reading this!
Here is the website for anybody interested :) [https://www.letterstomymind.com/](https://www.letterstomymind.com/) | ptsd |
Hi there, I need some advice on appropriate hygiene practises. 🥴
Specifically, how do you wash your hands after washing your ass in the shower?
(I'd just spent 2.5 hours in the shower trying to convince myself I'm doing it right...)
•After you soap up the bum hole, do you rinse it off with your hand? Or just let the water do its thing.
•Also after rinsing, do you run your hands under the water?
Or get more body soap to wash your hands in the shower?
Or maybe get to the sink and wash your hands with hand soap?
Btw I would run my hands through the water in the shower,
turn the shower off with my elbow, head to the sink to get hand soap, soap up, turn on the tap with elbow, rinse off the soap, turn off the tap with elbow. Head back to the shower, wash hands with body soap twice, making sure to scrape under the nails and wash the elbow on the second wash.
Save me... | OCD |
So, the other day I was video chatting with my mom, and I finally felt okay enough to be honest with her about my diagnosis ( I told her I had ptsd but not from my childhood because she victim plays).
So, she was understanding, cool whatever.
Then I told her I had to say why I've had such anger towards her.
I told her that when she told me " I didn't know whether or not to kill him or call the cops, I did nothing because it was a place to go" sat in my brain, since.
(My stepdad sexually harrassed me to move out, later I confronted him and he had no idea because he was black out drunk)
So, my mother. Had. No. Memory. Of. This. Happening.
She didn't even remember me living with him, even though she helped me move in. And she sat there years later when I confronted him.
She has no memory, but she does remember her other piece of shit ex sexually harrassing me ?? Like the second one I took with a grain of salt, he also told me to come downstairs so he could slit my throat. That's a different story.
But, she doesn't remember the worst day of my life. She may have blocked it out, I have no idea. But honestly, it hurts more knowing she doesn't remember than if I would have just kept it to myself.
On the plus side, you could tell she wanted to cry. She didn't fight me shockingly. But still. | ptsd |
Just want to know if anybody in the community can tell me a little bit more about their experiences with the longterm effects of ptsd. I am a self-recovering adult victim of domestic abuse. Any insight from anyone would be helpful | ptsd |
it sucks. it *SUCKS!!*
i know i have to do it to be a functioning adult. i know that it’s basic stuff. but if i could afford to hire a cleaner - god, i’d do it in a heartbeat!
cleaning is such a bad trigger for me because of my COCD. dust, mold, grime. all of it is a huge fear of mine and i get dizzy if i clean for too long and nearly faint if i see anything i think might be mold. i know not all types of mold are dangerous but it’s not like i can tell, ya know?
and i *know* that this is probably good exposure therapy, forcing myself to clean, little by little. i’m starting with the more “safe” stuff like vacuuming, dusting, dishes, cleaning the sink, etc. i’m just really terrified of having to do the bathroom, where i know mold is common. there’s this orangey stuff in the grout that i have no idea if its stains or what, and i get so nauseous thinking about trying to clean it.
does anyone have any tips or tricks when it comes to cleaning? it’s my first time having to do it on my own and it’s stressing the shit out of me. many thanks in advance. | OCD |
I don't know much about ptsd but lately I've been wondering if it's possible I may have some form of it. I've had to deal with someone who was emotionally abusive in the past and have been exposed to hatred for being lgbt for years and I don't know if those things can cause ptsd but I do know both have had negative effects on me in the past.
I'm trying to determine if something that I recently experienced could have been a trigger or if it was just a strong discomfort. Basically I overheard parts of a conversation of a family member on the phone and she was expressing some anger and some of the words she used just hurt. I ended up going to another room and putting in headphones at high volume to block her out. My chest was really tight and I was trying not to cry and I was really angry. It kept repeating in my head and bothering me for days to the point I couldn't even enjoy things I usually like. I eventually sent a message confronting her. She explained the context and I agreed with what she was angry about but even agreeing with the context didn't make me less angry about the words.
I don't know if this is a trigger or something else, but I thought I'd ask. It's not the first time these words have caused that kind of reaction but I always attributed it to the context and the fact that they're usually mixed into offensive statements. I'm not sure if I should say what the words are in case they are upsetting to someone else too, but let's just say they often have religious connotations. | ptsd |
Anyone with ocd/adhd, because of stuck song syndrome / Random thoughts / internal monologue, unable sometimes to even understand what people are saying ? or follow a simple discussion ?
It feels like sometimes its like a hurricane in my brain , a tsunami of internal random voices/ sounds.
Anyone could relate ? is this ocd or adhd ?
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thanks mate
I feel im going insane | OCD |
I wanna start this by saying that I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything alike, it's just that due to something that happened yesterday I'm having doubts, and you guys probably know better.
Also, English isn't my first language! Sorry for any mistakes.
Through 2020 and 2021I've been doing a lot of research on OCD. It started when I came across an article about it and realized it sounded a lot like 'weird' stuff I did through my childhood (and my current teenage years too, but it was way more intense back then). I've read plenty of articles, done every test I could find (I know those are not a real diagnosis, but it was just to see if my symptoms match). I don't really wanna go into detail because it's very deeply related to a lot of my trauma, but here's a few examples:
- When I was around 8 years old I would pick up anything that I saw on the floor until my hands couldn't take anything else, and wouldn't let the stuff go until my parents forced me to. This was because something inside me felt like if I didn't do it, my family would die or break apart and some other terrible things.
- Same thing as before but with shoes. When I found them without a pair, I would freak out and not stop until I found the other one. Then I would put them together and place the tip of their shoelaces inside of them. Again, if I didn't, I had really bad intrusive thoughts of bad stuff happening to my family.
- I need to put hearts instead of dots when I write something on paper, or else, again, really awful intrusive thoughts.
- I need to sleep on my left side because I sleep on a tall bed, so my 'good' half (left side) because that gives 'good energy ' to my family, who have non-tall beds so the 'left energy' faces them and the other side faces the sky, where there's no one (?) I know I sound like a crazy person and it doesn't make sense at all, but if I don't do this I get horrible thoughts and feel like when bad things happen it's because I slept on my right side.
- Even when I do every 'rule' the way I'm supposed to, I still get really bad intrusive thoughts about people being tortured, killed, or worse. I can almost hear the screaming, kind of.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's so, so much more I don't feel comfortable sharing. I'm a minor, so I'm gonna have to bring it up to my parents if I wanna get a diagnosis and I'm not sure they are gonna agree to take me to a doctor about it...
That's why I told a friend all of this. The thing is, I don't have the "obsessive cleaning/fear of germs" symptom. I don't mind getting dirty at all, and even though I keep a good hygiene it's not extreme or compulsive. So, when I told her she said it can't be because I don't have that, and I must be making it up or it might be something entirely different.
If it matters, maybe not: my ex, a person with autism, said they were sure I'm neurodivergent but leaning towards autism/adhd rather than odc.
So, people who do lave OCD: could I have it? Or is it not worth looking into and muat be something else? Thanks in advance! <3 | OCD |
My therapist tasked with me with looking for courses I was interested in at my local community college.This is part of a large amount of work I gotta to do in order to get much better control over my life and being a more independent and self sufficient adult.
Currently I've unfortunately been stuck in the position of being a NEET since 2008 (left High School at 16) due to factors outside of my control,I did eventually get my GED in 2013 with one of the highest scores in my state
.I've been on disability since late 2016,but I know its not something I can nor want to depend on for the rest of my life mainly cause of the very mercurial nature of American Politics,given how a very vocal segment of the country feels about such programs it leaves me in a very tenuous position.But its also because I am one of three kids all of which are on the spectrum and with my little brother being more on the severe and profound end spectrum,its pretty much understood that if or when anything happens to my parents that I would be the one to be responsible for the care of my younger brother.
So I am very much aware of the need to get my life under control and feeling like the clock is running but not how much so,but this never ending pandemic has done nothing to help the feeling of urgency.
But down to brass tacks these are the courses I found the most interesting given my strengths and weaknesses.This is listed via overall department then individual courses.
World Languages
Arabic
Chinese
French
German
Japanese
Portuguese
Russian
Spanish
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Allied Health
Diagnostic Medical Sonography (Ultrasound Technician)
Histotechnician (Tissue Samples)
Medical Laboratory Technology
Radiography (X-Ray Technician)
Respiratory Therapy Program
Computed Tomographic Imaging (CT Scan)
Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)
Phlebotomy Certificate
Renal Dialysis Technology
​
Art
Art History
Photography
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Biology
​
Business and Professional Study
Legal Administrative Assistant/Secretary
Media cal Administrative Assistant/Secretary
Medical Insurance Billing Specialist
Administrative Support Specialist
Administrative Management
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Chemistry
​
Communication Film and Media
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Computer Studies and Information Processing
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Criminal Justice and Legal Studies
Paralegal
​
Dental Health
​
Physics Engineering and Tech
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English\\Literature
​
Human Services
​
Library Science
​
Performing Arts
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Psychology
​
Rehabilitative Health
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Social Sciences
Geography
History
Philosophy
Political Science
Sociology
For Potential Career Fields of Interest it listed
Art and Humanities
Business,Economics, and Data Analytics
Communication,Media and Film
Education,Government and Human Services
Environmental Sustain Ability
Health and Health Administration
Sciences,Technology,Engineering and Mathematics
​
Any other recommendations for fields of study or career paths would be appreciated.
My main strengths are Attention to Detail,Passion,Organization,Desire to learn new things\\expanding existing knowledge,curiostiy
My main areas of weaknesses:Mathematics especially really abstract stuff,Anxiety &Depression
My plan is to come up with a final education\\career goal that I want to reach and work towards that.When it comes to cost,my plan of course involves financial aid\\assistance but also if I have to finding some entry level field position that I can actually tolerate and put most of my money towards schooling.Or do schooling\\certification till the point I can get employment in a field that better suits me and again put most of my money towards schooling until I can reach my final destination and goal.
I apologize for the wall of text but I have no idea were to start when it comes to condensing the entire stream of thought. | aspergers |
I got diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Type as an adult around 9 months ago. Today I just got my medication from my VA Psychiatrist and took my first dose of 10mg Stratera. I was told it would take time to build up in my system before it would work but wow. About 2 hours after taking it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I could move at super speed. Is this what normal people feel like? Clear and fast and precise? I don’t know how else to explain, just little things like typing this on my iPhone, I’m making almost no typos and typing faster then I have ever.
My doctor has had me on Wellbutrin for my depression, and I noticed it helped a tiny little bit with focus, but this is like night and day. Suddenly my brain turned on and was happy!
He wants me to up my dosage to 20mg after a week, which I don’t understand but I’m just looking forward to taking it tomorrow morning . I just wanted to share my experience and look forward to any feedback you all might have. I do feel like the “high” kinda wore off after about 2 hours, but I still feel the basic effects now 6 hours since I took it. | ADHD |
Hello all, so I am a 19M student and I think I have quite a strange pastime. I make spreadsheets and collect data for EVERYTHING I do. I will give you two examples. For one, I have a spreadsheet where I collected the time it takes me to leave my apartment building through alternating exits. The rationale behind this is that in case of a fire or emergency, I can plan exactly how long it should take to grab things, within x standard deviation of times. My sample size is approaching 100 for each exit.
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Another thing I catalog extensively is my spending and income. This is a bit more positive, but it has gotten to a point that I know exactly how much I have down to the cent, exactly what I spent money on and what percentage of my total spending it took up, what I'm expected to spend on any given month with 95% certainty and it goes on.
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I'm not sure if I have Aspergers or OCPD, based on how many things I've read that relate to me, it could be both. So, does anyone else do this? If so, to what extent do you? Also, feel free to diagnose me, I will of course take it with a grain of salt.
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Oh, last-minute addition. I was also curious as to whether anyone else cleans their floors extensively? I mop about every three days and only wear socks when I'm not in bed. | aspergers |
I've been feeling lonely for a long time, years. Everyone seems to be making new friends except me. I can't take it anymore.
I feel like I'm going to die alone and that thought scares me, but I feel like there's nothing I can do to change it.
I can't embrace this loneliness and I can't make friends... | depression |
Ok so i’ve never really felt anything for anyone else. Like they exist its fine but everyones predictable and boring. Don’t love my sister or mother but i always thought that would change when i started dating. I lost my virginity yesterday and i feel nothing. Nothing about the experience and nothing for the woman. Im a diagnosed Aspergers and quite a few other things but all of this makes me think i’m something worse. Just… tell me if you’re the same. | aspergers |
In my mid 20's I ended up going in for 49 months on first offense. No bail, just ripped out of my life and forced to live in a small world for a while. When I first got inside, I knew I wanted to *resist* the place. Saw too many people become *institutionalized* that called it home in there. It was torment, never getting "comfortable" despite natural inclination, but I kept my eyes on the prize, always staying detached, thinking of the day I'd get out.
It's been 22 months since I got out and almost every night I dream of either escaping, visiting, checking in, dealing with bunkies, etc. Maybe it's because I'm on Probation and still have that sword over my head, but I'll never give cause to return, so why is it still on my mind? | ptsd |
Sooooo, I've finally decided to partake in post-secondary education. Naturally, it's all currently online because of these lovely unprecedented times.
I know I'm not the only space case in this position, and I know some of you have attended school more recently than myself (I graduated High School in 2013). I'm originally a Beauty School dropout, who switched from hair to aesthetics, so I'm usually a pretty hands on learner. I'm currently partaking in a Business Management Marketing program, which isn't terrible thus far minus the Math based stuff (ugh, numbers AND words? stop...)
Basically, I am here in search of discipline (I mean who here isn't always searching for that?). What do you do that you find really helps? I'm aware of the Pomodoro technique, which I do try to use but I'm just looking for anything else helpful haha
ALSO, testing?! my anxiety takes over and I just blank sometimes, like ya, I actually know nothing (-:
SOS | ADHD |
I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum but signs have been pointing towards it - since like 5th-6th grade, I've noticed that when I wear chokers/necklaces/turtlenecks/etc.. I get this weird feeling on my neck? Like it feels like it's really tight, tickling me, or just making me feel uncomfortable. It always makes me do this thing where I tuck my chin to my chest a few times during it. Also, I struggle with panic disorder/agoraphobia/OCD/etc.. so it's already hard enough for me to go places but I notice that my sensory overload is always HORRIFYING in Walmart/Kroger/Meijer/Mall or places with those fluorescent lights - and with all the things around me going on (the talking, the brightness of the lights, the openness or crowdedness) just really affects me and I always feel really ashamed of it because I feel weird from it. Is anyone else like this? | aspergers |
I havent been able to take my meds for about two weeks now (second week and I have an appointment on Friday) the reason why Ive been off them for so long was because I didnt have a relfill for them since I was just starting out on them. Well zoloft helps but since I've been off it I realised.......IM FUCKING INSANE WHEN OFF IT.
Seriously. They work wonders for depression but not great for anxiety and my moods which are caused by my bpd. Like I have been losing my fucking mind ever since I've been off them and have been doing things I never would have. I think I need to be heavily medicated in order to keep myself safe because dude this shit has been rough. I thought I would be fine because it's just two weeks but NOPE. I was so wrong.
If anyone here is on zoloft as well as other medications for anxiety and mood stabilizers please tell me, thank you in advanced. | ptsd |
I'm wondering if anyone has an avoidance compulsion, and how they cope with it?
I have an avoidance compulsion, due to my compulsion to confess, particularly to my mom.
I have had intrusive thoughts since a kid, and my only way of making the guilt and panic attacks stop is by confessing to mom.
But when I was a teen, my worst fear happened and the thoughts were related to my mom and of a sexual nature.
It's been over a decade since those thoughts, but I still can't let them go for some reason.
It's horrible because I miss my mom and I know my mom is heart broken because I won't come home.
When I do go home (rarely), it's exhausting and stressful.
Just want to know if anyone else experienced this and did you overcome it?
I'm guessing the only way is to go home more often, but it's terrifying to me. | OCD |
Hello, uninsured woman(31) with adhd here. I recently went to a clinic that happened to get taken over by a big company that buys clinics and hospitals. They used to offer a ($92) appointment fee to see a doctor, while being uninsured. That’s really good since I live in the Midwest and it’s hard to not pay out the ass for just a check up. Think the lowest I could ever find was around $200 an appointment but insurance for me is $350/month, with my medications not covered.
So thought this clinic was really nice until being taken over. Now they have changed it to where the appointment price is pended at ($92) unless you go over your 15 min time… even though it takes 40 min to get into seeing the doctor anyway, past your appointment time but hey they make the rules right. Went to get a check up before I could continue being prescribed adderall, and decided to mention my back problems I’ve been having. After getting some feedback that my spine looked fine and just do some stretches I was given, they charged me $40 extra on top of the $92…
Do all clinics charge by the minute? This is crazy? I did not know clinics ever did this. | ADHD |
Hoping someone can relate or share experience here. I havn't been diagnosed but i have done some research over the years.
I literally can't remember most of my childhood. Not just that..some of my late teen/early adult stage.
It's as if my mind is blocked. I remember specific memories bday celebrations/ Xmas's/ certain night outs albeit only in flashes..
People i know/grew up with remember So much more..they can go into detail of certain events, random/funny days. Remember things they did as kids..Yoyo skills, Old songs..That i know i loved but can Never remember the lyrics.
I know i had a decent upbringing until maybe around 12/13yrs..My parents got into some shady shii, their relationship broke down, wasn't pretty..Or maybe that's when i became aware of it..?
Either way..It became impossible to hide from my older siblings and i so it affected us very negatively.
I just can't remember a lot, even after i moved out at 16yrs. I went a lil wild back then, I rebelled, did the most. And don't remember much..
I didn't really settle down until 22 ( mentally ) when i and my Xpartner became pregnant with my 1st child, but that was such an abusive relationship at the time..
Why can i not remember most of my childhood/teenage yrs..Is this PTSD? | ptsd |
Practically all of my symptoms had vanished - no dissociation, no maladaptive daydreaming, no paranoia - but now I’m in a new high-stress environment and I’m unable to sleep, getting panic/anxiety attacks, and feeling physically ill. Could this be triggering my ptsd symptoms or is it plain old anxiety? I feel so horrible and pathetic all the time | ptsd |
While in CBT I was given a lot of thought/anxiety record worksheets pdfs (you can google them, I’d recommend!) and they are helpful but kind of difficult to always print them out/write them out all the time, I was wondering if there are any apps that you can record your obsessive and anxious thoughts and work through them? I’m out of therapy now and really want to keep track of my thoughts and not let them feasted again and I think if I had some kind of app to help me through the anxiety it’ll be helpful, if you have any suggestions for any helpful app or any apps that have helped you I’ll seriously appreciate it! Have a great day all! ❤️ | OCD |
It took me the whole school year to complete 2 courses in my final year of highschool. I’m honestly lucky I graduated. Only made the adhd breakthrough with my doctor maybe a month ago. Stoked to finally have a tiny bit of a grasp at what I’m actually dealing with so I can actually get treatment.
Did anybody else struggle to get an accurate diagnosis with anything because they literally couldn’t remember the symptoms? Lmao | ADHD |
it’s a sort of long story but i don’t know what’s real anymore.
my bf and I got into a huge fight the other night. we were drunk and having sex and i began to cry because I got triggered. I have been r*ped, and taken advantage of while drunk/asleep by exes. This comes out sometimes because my body freezes up and I begin to cry, especially if any partner is being too rough (which he was). He told me I should’ve said something if he was being too rough with me, but I told him my body reacted before my mind did and I didn’t get a chance to say anything, and being wasted didn’t help. Well, my bf got angry with me for it all and we got into a huge fight that spiraled into a fight about other things. It ended in both of us saying we’re not sure if we wanted to be together. We went to sleep and the next morning was fine, we talked about a lot of things and we decided to just feel the day out and see what happens. We started to lay down and i asked him if we could cuddle, to which he said yes. I, feeling confused and lonely and wanting to make things better and not sure if we were still together, kissed him on the cheek. And I kissed him again near his mouth and he didn’t really respond. I said “You don’t want to kiss?” to ask how he was feeling about that and he said “I want to but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea because it might hurt us emotionally right now”. He asked me why I was still okay being close after the fight and I said that I wanted to still be together so I was acting like normal (I had already expressed that morning I wanted to work things out together). But then I backed off. We got up and ate food and hung out and we both said how much better we felt after eating. I was sitting on the bed and he sat down next to me, and started rubbing my back and being affectionate. I thought it was ok so i kissed him on the cheek. Then he leaned on for an actual kiss and we ended up making out and then had sex. He started touching me (down there) first and took his clothes off, etc. But when we started having sex he just looked… bored. or sad. or not into it. i asked him if he was okay and he said yes. he ended up getting really into it and still i stopped and asked him if he was okay with all of it and if he wanted to stop. He told me to stop thinking and stop worrying and that it was fine. We continue and we are having a good time and smiling etc, and afterwards he said “well that’s one way to relieve stress”. We went shopping after and he was back to normal with me, he was affectionate and sweet and was happy and laughing. But i felt sick to my stomach. Did i coerce him? I asked him this morning if I did and if he really wanted to have sex in the first place and he said i was fine and told me not to worry and that he wanted to but was only going slow to make sure i wanted to. He seems totally fine, but I’m not. I didn’t think I tried to take advantage of him in any way, in the moment i thought he changed his mind about breaking up and so he decided to be intimate with me again. But now, I can’t look at myself. I feel so guilty. Did I assault him? I love him so much and honestly the thought of doing to him what others have done to me makes me ill. We are together and things are fine but I can’t handle this. I have OCD and ruminate about things in my past or things i did wrong and i can’t stop obsessing over this. I feel seriously traumatized and guilty and I need some insight please. I feel absolutely worthless and like a disgusting person that needs to be locked away in my room forever. I can’t stop the thoughts, I feel like I’m going crazy | OCD |
I often find that whether it's a new haircut or a new routine or even the changing of seasons it will throw me off and my OCD has a tendency to start acting up. It's so ridiculous to me because I know I will adapt eventually. Like even if I get a haircut I'm not too keen on, I know it'll grow on me.
But OCD makes everything feel permanent and unsafe. Like the smallest change can throw everything off and make you obsessively wonder if things will ever return to "normal". | OCD |
I've been going to a small group on Friday nights for a little over a month to a church that isn't my own and I don't know anyone there.
I'm great to talk to if I know you or we meet through a mutual friend, but for me to go up to someone myself and introduce myself is very hard. I'm usually very quiet and reserved around people I don't know. And even well after I'm friends with people I struggle with only focusing on what I want to say and how I can relate me to what is being said.
Last night being my 5th week at this group I put myself out there a little more and was able to have a full adult conversation with strangers, which was win number one. Win number two which is what Im most proud of, is that I was focused on what they were saying and engaging with them and not going on and on about myself. (That's what I call outward focused, been working on that a lot) | ADHD |
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