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[TW: parental abuse, mental illness ig]
hi! i am 18 living with my abusive parent and i need help. my mom has always been negligent and unstable, but now shes paying for my eating disorder treatment and threatening to stop if i leave. also she's threatening to kick me out? it doesn't make sense and i barely understand her anymore. i just feel scared. i don't know what ill do if im homeless.
shes constantly oscillating between support/comfort and scorn all the time. it's just constant guilt, gaslighting, and manipulation. im tired, i can't escape this situation and i feel about ready to give up.
if you can give me any advice or hope or anything i desperately need it. thank you :) | ptsd |
I really can only eat chicken nuggets and soup (chicken noodle, potato, and pho). Sometimes I'll eat steak because I don't have to eat much to feel sustained. I'm actually starting to get worried about my health. I don't know how to incorporate other foods without eating out and even then, this can be hard and very very expensive.
Could this be OCD related? I also fast during the day usually (depending on where I'm at in my menstrual cycle) and eat only at night (food makes me really tired and I drive for a living).
Edit: my housemate even asked me if all I've been eating is soup and idk how to answer this because it's not intentional. | OCD |
I think it’s kind of an extension of moral OCD which has been one of the most prevalent themes for me for a while now. I watched pornography a lot growing up and I feel as if to some degree it shaped my perception of women in an unhealthy way for a while. I don’t really watch it anymore, and I’ve since begun to recognise and challenge these ‘ways of seeing’ in an attempt to better myself.
Nothing too extreme, but I mean this as in things like “seeing a woman’s body as inherently sexual”. I know there’s of course nothing wrong with being attracted to someone’s body, I guess you can’t help it, but I feel like for a while my view was automatically skewed in that direction sometimes, which I feel was unhealthy. I’ve noticed there’s still some part of me that immediately views it from a primarily attraction-based point of view whenever I see a girl who I may find attractive. As in like the primary thought is about whatever it is I find attractive about them as opposed to anything else. Of course, I realise this is bad and counter it whenever it happens, but still.
The problem is that I still have a constant impulse towards sexual fantasy. This is where the moral OCD comes in, I think. Because, month after month, no matter how much I feel bad about it, I always end up giving in to imagining stuff like that. I know fantasy is a normal part of sexuality - however, the stuff I imagine is of course reflective of stuff I’ve watched in the past to some degree. Not entirely, because I find a lot of porn kind of creepy/gross in retrospect, but it’s definitely still that kind of thing.
The problem there is that, if this harmful shitty prejudice I had (or maybe still have to some degree even if I know it’s wrong, I don’t know) was partially shaped by watching that kind of thing, surely imagining stuff that’s basically the same at a similar frequency would have the same effect? There’s the possibility that acknowledging these things and having the ability to therefore not let them influence my worldview is a thing, but I’m not entirely convinced. It’s frustrating in that aspect because I’m sure to some degree it’s OCD but it’s entirely plausible for there to be a measure of truth to it, and I don’t want to just go and move on with my life if I don’t ‘deserve’ to, if that makes any sense.
So it leads to this constant cycle of me not being able to help but give in to thinking about it sometimes (still not entirely convinced it’s not just me being a prick who doesn’t want to try hard enough, but that itself could just be an expression of the OCD), doing it, and then inevitably feeling awful about it afterwards. Often stuff I was okay with at the time of thinking about it feels kind of creepy or weird or not to my taste afterward, which heightens this (again, nothing extreme at all or actually particularly weird, so probably just an OCD overreaction as well, but, just kind of saying that it happens). So if I am doing something bad I’d at least like to be sure about it! But there’s no real way to be, and I don’t want to give into OCD if that’s what it is. | OCD |
I didn’t touch my laundry basket in over a month, because I’m scared it got contaminated by a particular chemical. My dirty clothes piled up on the floor instead.
I finally, FINALLY washed the basket today to shut my brain up. It was a shitty process, I felt like the contamination was spreading everywhere. I took a shower afterwards and here I am, feeling a mixture of pride— because yay, I finally did something I was putting off for a month, and disappointment— because is it really an achievement if I gave into my fear and washed the basket? Basically doing a ritual to feel safe?
I don’t know. But I’m glad this month of anxiously glancing over at my basket and doing everything in my power to not touch it, is finally over.
I guess I’ll take it as a win. Just momentarily, because OCD sucks, and I want to feel happy about this little thing I did today. | OCD |
This happened a couple of months ago, but I recently found this subreddit and wanted some opinions.
I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD. My biological dad was aggressive and violent with my mom when I was very young (birth until 2). When men raise their voice or get aggressive around me, I instantly start crying and go into fight/flight mode. Since I was very young when it happened, I had no idea why I reacted so strangely, but it didn’t happen a lot so I never worried about it
But a few months ago, I was over at my boyfriend’s (let’s call him L) house hanging with some friends. His roommate T was a good friend too, but I didn’t like him much. Anyways, that night L had moved something belonging to T from the living room to T’s room. For some reason T got very upset, began yelling at L, and punched a hole through L’s door. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of me. I was in a panic for days, crying and thinking that T was gonna kill L. When I finally calmed down, I tried to talk to T about it to ask him to control his temper around me because it affects me badly, but he just laughed it off. When I tried to go to my other friends for help, they thought I was overreacting.
I thought I was too for a long time until I saw a therapist about it and it lead to me getting diagnosed. I always thought my friends were being real shitty about it, but I also don’t feel comfortable telling them about my trauma so that they can understand.
Am I being unreasonable l? | ptsd |
I'm watching a webinar—part of a series—and it's so good. I realize there are so many notes I want to take in order to continue processing it later. So do I open up a google doc and start taking notes? No, I decide I want to sit down with ALL the videos, and take all the notes at once in some grand moment of perfect concentration and right-mindedness. On some day where I magically have a ten-hour stretch of perfect hyper-focus to do that.
I caught myself this time—realized that perfect day will never come—and just started taking notes. | ADHD |
I've never thought into it, but in the back of my mind I've always thought of my executive dysfunction as laziness taken to the extreme. I searched up the definition of laziness today (it's "unwilling to work or use energy" according to google) and ngl, I'm shocked. I've always known that it means *choosing* not to do something, but I've internalized the label of laziness so much that I never realized that I'm not actually lazy, that being unable to do things isn't laziness. And executive dysfunction itself makes the line between not doing something and being unable to rather blurry. I *can* do this thing, so if I don't do it, then obviously I'm chosing not to do it, or not trying hard enough. ...right? And it's so fustrating, because neurotypicals (I'm specifically thinking of my mom here, who have no idea that I have adhd due to me being too chicken to tell her) literally don't experience that. (Or does happen to them rarely? I really don't know)
I went on a tangent there, sorry about that, but I really wanted to say all that. | ADHD |
This is going to be hard to explain but sometimes after an ocd related anxiety attack I’ll realise that the thoughts feel.. what’s the word “foreign” or “fictional” it’s weird but for a bit they feel like that and it makes me feel so much better but then it starts again and I spiral into another episode.
Is this a thing that happens with ocd? | OCD |
Most of my day is a constant struggle to actually act on what my brains telling me to do, but when I get a sudden surge to complete everything I find myself trying to do it as efficiently as possible and it drives me mad if I cant do it that way. E.g I will plan my tasks based on the route and what is closest to complete first.
Does anyone else find this? | ADHD |
Does anyone else have awful sleeps because of OCD? I wake up every single hour until I have to wake up for work. If I wake up at 3 AM, I'll wake up every 10 minutes until 6 AM. I have type one diabetes and every time I wake up I check my blood too so this consists of me checking my blood 10+ times a night even if the number remains the same.
It's ruining me and I want to know if anyone else is dealing with this struggle. | OCD |
I'm 20 years old and have always had bouts of depression. I've never reached out for help or mentioned this to anybody, and especially try to hide this from my friends and family, because i don't want them to ever feel sad or worry about me for any reason. In fact it turns out I've been so good at hiding that my parents had a full on conversation with me about how glad they are that they don't have to worry about me ever. It's not totally my fault I act this way tho as i am the youngest of there siblings and both of my older siblings are complete messes (watching them fail in life has only made me feel more hopeless).
I have a lot i need to say, in fact i have 20 years of things to say and have a feeling not a single person will read this although if you can find it in you to make it all the way through just know it would mean A LOT to me.
first things first, i need to talk about my childhood. I have nearly zero memories of my sister (she is about ten years older than me) growing up and vividly remember thinking as a child it was weird she never was in sight. I don't remember her being at holidays, birthdays, or even family dinners, which we had every night until i was 11 or 12. The few memories i do have of my sister are mostly here babysitting me and doing a terrible job of it, either because she just completely ignored me and let me do whatever or because she was yelling at me when i would do something "bad" like pick up a camera. I don't know why i only have these memories, cause i know i should have more, but i just don't.
Then there was my brother the middle child. I both feel bad for my brother and absolutely hate him for the way he treated me in childhood.(he has also been diagnosed with ADHD) My brother had anger issues and was bullied at school because of this. Other students would always try to get him to freak out and he was sent home early multiple times for doing things like flipping tables and desks yelling and crying, and then i'd come home after school and he would take this anger out on me, he would beat me up just to see me cry, and i know that this might sound like I'm exaggerating, but he would actually say things about how just wanted to see me in pain while he would do this. i was about 6-7 years old and couldn't fight back, then my mom would get home and freak out because of this and scold him. If he didn't get sent home we would ride the bus together and on his bad days i would be forced to sit next to him instead of my friends, which i already didn't have many of. The worst i can remember is when he beat me and my friends up on the bus, once again because he got bullied in school. It's really hard for me to think be mad because i understand why he did what he did, i mean he was bullied and had almost know friends he just felt helpless, but at the same time i still harbor a deep hatred against him. Eventually the physical abuse stopped, i don't really remember when, but we still had a very negative relationship to the point where my own parents told me that i had to be ready to physically defends myself against him, while baby sitting other peoples kids, this was between ages 11-14.
The worst part about my brother's anger wasn't the abuse against me tho, it was when he and my mom would get in scream fights and this could happen at any time on any day for any reason, and i would often get stuck in the crossfire. My room was next to his and randomly my mom would ask him to do something like take out the garbage and an eruption of anger from both my mom and brother would rain down.(my dad was usually at work or out of town for work when this would happen as he is an engineer that traveled a lot). IT was terrifying and i would be scared for both me and my moms safety, once my mom even took me and left and we stayed in a hotel until my father got back. Sometimes after the fights my mom would still be in a heat mindset and accidently yell at me for no reason. i say accidently because she would usually apologize to me later on. ME a child like her apology was just gonna fix that.
I would also be punished for my brothers actions both at school and at home. If my parents took my brother D.S they had to take mine to or he would just take mine from me. That wasn't the bad part tho, the bad part was the fact that i was his younger brother in the school meaning my last name had a reputation of anger and misconduct. So i had to be perfect all the time or else i would immediately be punished or sent to the guidance counselor. I was outcast from almost all social groups never have more than one or two friends at a time. Teachers never believed what came out of my mouth as i was seen as trouble make for no real reason other than being related to my brother. So i got punished for other peoples mistakes in school to, for example my teach lost my permission slip and despite multiple people saying they saw me turn it in i was made to stay in the school by myself while the rest of the class went on a field trip. So i just did more school work while everyone else went out and had fun on the trip( this particular trip was and end of semester reward so a fun trip). Thing only got worse as little me was told he was a liar over and over and then i had a full on mental breakdown in school. After this breakdown i decided that i would just be that liar that they wanted me to be and i lied all the time about everything, and that somehow made thing better for me, because apparently im more convincing when i lie.
After this breakdown i also started to be punished for thing like crying and was actually rewarded for being able to stop crying. the worst it got was being told that i could have dessert once i wiped those tears out of my eyes. (Nowadays i am almost incapable of crying, my eyes may water, but tears never fall and when i talk to people about this they think i am trying to brag about being manly when really i'm trying to ask for help). Around 8th grade i devolved a reputation for never letting anything bother me and one teacher actually thought is was a complement to compare me a duck because i let everything slide of my back like water on a duck. This was one of the few things anybody ever said to me that's was positive.
I was also not allowed in our advance math because i didn't take good enough notes despite have the highest math M.A.P.S score in my entire grade, and because i wasn't in advance math i wasn't allowed on the math 24 team despite scoring the most points in the tryout, but hey at least they made me the alternate once, and never let me tryout again afterwards. So i tried out for football, but once again because of a perceived lack of focus i didn't really get to play a lot. i recently asked around about why i didn't ever get a really chance and the answer is because i was "goofy". I really truly worked so hard because i wanted to play, i used to go to the gym and work out, which included a 4 mile run daily, plus i would stay late after practice to work on route running and catching, but never got to play as i was too "goofy".
Then came highschool, so most everything written above here was from middle school and earlier. I moved schools right before highschool so i was new kid freshman year, and was dedicated to becoming a "popular kid" because i had hated not having friends so much, so i embraced the goofy. I became the class clown and was immensely successful socially. I loved it kinda although was once again never given playing time in any sports, because of a perceived "lack of focus". I enjoyed my freshman year although being the class clown can become a bit exhausting as people only want you to make them laugh.
Then came sophomore year, AKA the year a gave up on sport because nobody would give me chance to play ever. One coach even told another play "if one more person asks me to play (insert my name) i'm going to punch them in the face". yes that is a real quote that i heard in person, because the coach didn't see me standing about ten feet to their left until after they said it. I had an ambitious plan for sophomore year tho as i double down on math classes to catch up with the advance math students, which was going great until i got accused of cheating, because i didn't show enough work. the teachers solution to this was to put me in the back corner of the room all by myself. i continued to ace tests and eventually this same teacher referred to me as a kid genius and we ended up have a good relationship, but it's just another example of nobody ever believing that i was capable of any at all. then tight as i was finally starting to feel real good and confident my grandma got diagnosed with cancer, so my family decided to move closer to her and i had to move schools. It later turned out she didn't have cancer and it was a misdiagnoses. I don't know how they messed that up, but it happened. so i moved midway through the school and because of some rubric changes was required to restart both of my math classes.
i spent the rest of my sophomore year with know will to exist, i made about one friend who also had no there friends. and then at the end of my sophomore year i moved again although my will to do anything never returned.
At this new school i never made a real effort to make friends, but because i was smarter than most of my peers they liked to listen to me talk about "complex" subjects like theoretical physics involving blackholes. This was good because, this is where i developed my passion for independent thinking and research, but i was also forever stuck alone and depressed and the more i seemed to learn the more depressed i get.( this still holds true today despite how much i actually love learning.) I had a lot of friends in school, but never once did i make an effort to hang out with any of them outside of school, and i was just viewed as this silent genius who would blow your mind if he ever started talking. I received so much praise for my intelligence at this school that teacher would try and recruit me to join clubs and they would praise me every time i gave a presentation, because of my composer. in fact during my English 12 debate the teacher stopped and gave me the only debate MVP ever, and my phycology teacher stopped the class and told them to present more like me, despite having actually built my slide show about 2 minutes before the presentation and not putting any text on either of the two slides i finished. Despite all this praise i was once again very depressed and began skipping school at every chance i had.
Today i am unable to find the motivations to do anything, as it all seems so pointless. when i don't take meds i can't get things done for ADHD reason, but when i do i'll start to productive until i eventually come to the realization that life it's self it inherently meaningless, and the more research i do trying to find a reason to keep going the more obvious this seems to me. For a while i thought everybody realized this and just didn't talk about it because its really sad to think about, but now i realize that most people are to stupid to see it. So i guess all i really want is just one scientific piece of evidence that there really is a point to life. For now i'll continue to go to bed hoping that i won't have to wake up in the morning, which is just as miserable as it sounds. i wake up disappointed everyday. The worst part is that i'm still scared of death, and even more scared that i'll be the person who kills me, which is a very real fear i live with everyday. | ADHD |
Okay, I don't want this to be a guarantee, but I need some hope.
I have been dealing with this for 5 months and I just wanted to know if it is possible to recover 100% of the OCD. When I talk about recovering, I say if I can ever go back to what I was before this all started. The last few days it hasn't been so bad, but I don't want to have to be insecure and scared of myself my whole life. | OCD |
I'm wondering how much trouble other people with ADHD had with studying. I've heard that's a common trait.
For me, I was (homeschooled and was) nearly unable to study from when I was around 10 to 20 years old. Basically, I imagine it would be like getting an F (or FN?) in everything for ten years. Or maybe being absent from school for ten years. Didn't get passed or even start 'lesson 1' in probably 90% of courses I took. I'm not exaggerating.
I'm also wondering if my case seems typical or unusual to you.. | ADHD |
I was diagnosed with ptsd I think three years ago. I lost track of numbers. I think I’ve posted here once before, i can’t remember. I’ve lost track of my life and I’ve lost track of everything. Like, I don’t know how to explain it but everything seems like a dream (or a nightmare). I don’t feel like I’m me. Like I don’t feel like I’m in my body. I don’t know, this is hard to explain. I’m so sorry.
But for example, apparently today I wrote my biology exam. I don’t remember any bit of it. Only way I know about it is because my friend in the class messaged me about an hour ago asking how I thought I did. I could understand if it was a quiz, but it was an exam. I sat in a classroom for three hours (or two, I’m not sure. I think exams are three hours at my school but I honestly don’t know anymore) writing and I can’t recall a moment of it.
And I was in the kitchen a few moments ago and I looked at the photos on the fridge and there’s a photo of me when I was younger, but I don’t recognize it as me. I know it’s me, but like. I don’t know. I’m so sorry I suck at explaining this. Really.
I know disassociating can happen and can be severe and I just. I don’t even know. Can anybody tell me what’s going on? | ptsd |
I know this might sound weird, but I feel like it happens at least 2-3 times per month, I'll be sitting and probably procrastinating at my desk or playing videogames when I should be working on something, doing errands etc.
And I literally get into physical distress, my upper back in particular tenses up, my entire body actually.
I was recently diagnosed and have started medication, but was wondering if anyone else relates / had any advice?
Or is this unrelated to ADHD? | ADHD |
Does anyone else take breaks in the middle of the work/school day to check social media/news sites etc because work just isn't doing it for you?
I ask this because, more often than not, these breaks turn into time gobbling endless scrolls and they eat into my productivity. I often feel that they are "necessary" as in, I will "miss out" on something if I don't do it.
If anyone experiences this, do you have any tips/tricks to avoid it or quell the urge? | ADHD |
I’ve been feeling like shit for awhile now just numb to everything. It’s gotten to the point where I thought about ending hell I even nearly did it but chickened out and couldn’t pull my hand across. If any of friends say they feel like shit I try to help I feel I know all the things to say to help but don’t feel I could use any of it on myself to help. I just don’t even know where I’m going in life or if even had life to begin with. | depression |
I seem to have an issue with keeping my talking and rambling to a minimum. This could be my ADHD but likely seems to stem from my OCD. I do attend therapy now and my main goal is to be less talkative no matter how hard it will be. Does anyone else here have over-talkativeness as a trait of their OCD? If so, how are you able to handle it? I cannot seem to come up with a coping mechanism and if I am not able to talk or say what I want to, I get upset and I really hate it. It affects every aspect of my life. | OCD |
Today I thought to myself "I wish I was one of these people who can fall asleep during the day to escape reality". I can only sleep at night, late at night actually which means that this coping mechanism has been out of my reach, but this made me realize something. It seems that I have a pattern of:
* coming back home
* numbing myself out using whatever distraction I can find
* doing the bare minimum right before sleep thanks to killer anxiety
* going to sleep so late that my first thought in the morning is that I hate myself
* rinse&repeat for many years
Now I am thinking that my "distraction binges" could as well be sleeping because essentially I am just killing time until I am exhausted enough to fall asleep. It feels like I do anything I can to finish each day without engaging in my life. It's like, I want to have nothing to do with it, or with myself. Sometimes it feels like I can light some kind of fire in my heart but it dies out quickly and always. I am always back where I started. Avoiding my life.
It's not a matter of changing my circumstances. Going to another school, meeting new people, moving out to another city, starting university, working on a major I care about, going to vacations - changing my circumstances never brakes the pattern.
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Now I'm wondering. Is this life - is that how people function for a number of decades and then die? The only thing that forces me to engage in my life is anxiety that I will ruin it in some major way - but every time the danger is averted.. I go back to running. I must add that I got lucky, I have a good life, which is why I do not understand my behavior. | depression |
When my partner is having an episode she goes limp. She usually finds a place to sit down and then can't hold herself up. We can't find anything about this so I was hoping someone might know something here. Thanks for any help. | ptsd |
Random thought..... as Aspies, we mask. Nowdays we have to wear masks, covid n shit. So are Aspies wearing masks on masks? What would that look like? Mind blown? | aspergers |
Went to a psychiatrist a few months ago and she didn't go into it much. She disregarded the concept of me having it because I had a good high school GPA (I never studied, still ended up with good grades like many people). Work took me way longer than it should have, a 20 minute assignment turns into something like 2 hours. I'm in college now and it hasn't gotten any better. I feel helpless trying to do some of these reading assignments and I'm not sure what to do. Do I get a second opinion? If I truly don't have it then what do I do, because whether I have it or not, these issues are still here. Any helps appreciated!
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Edit: Thanks for your responses, everyone. I have no expectations but I'll see another psychiatrist. | ADHD |
So when I was 13 years old (I'm 16 now), I had a younger cousin who was somewhere between 6-8 (I don't exactly remember her age.) Anyways, one time we were playing around and I remember being able to see down her pants. I remember being excited and aroused by this and kept looking down her pants being able to see her private parts.
Looking back on this, I feel/felt horrible and disgusting and like I molested her. This triggered my first descent into POCD back into January of this year and now I feel better, but had a spike. I feel calm in this moment, but am I bad person for feeling bad? Did I do something super bad? | OCD |
18M. Depression creeped up on me slowly and before I knew it, I was severely depressed. No motivation for a future, and I feel like I will never accomplish anything in life. I decided that enough was enough, I made an appointment to see my primary doctor after battling depression silently for 4 years.
I made this post as a means to fight stigma surrounding mental illnesses. Why? Because this stigma was the main reason as to why I suffered more than was necessary. So anytime you feel like reaching out for help, please do so. Even if other people try to invalidate your feelings you must look out for yourself. | depression |
I have foot fetish and i try so hard to not look down in my home even though i don't get attracted to my family's feet
now the story is. I was looking at cats with my younger cousin and she was wearing slippers and i was uncomfortable a few minutes later in corner of my eye i thought she was waring closed slippers
i looked at it to confirm it so i don't have to be uncomfortable no they were open slippers then i felt like i was a "P" how can i get over this i had no attraction not even groinal response
How can i get over this? | OCD |
Even as an adult I have to deal with sexual battery and sexual assault. Life is just more suffering. I need inspiration to not give up. | ptsd |
here's an example of some "ways" that I've read about - but mostly they're not relevant to appearing exciting to others - please share any "ways" you've found to appear more exciting while socializing, even if they're not backed by science anything helps
ways to seem like you exist to others (found online - need to study/memorize and gradually execute)
* rounding the upper body & hiding the hands is a closed signal
* to show you're receptive to ideas, feet flat on floor & uncross the arms
* slowly crinkle the eyes to begin a smile, slowly fade it away when done smiling
* leaning backward may signal negativity - leaning forward, a gesture of interest, may make people say more
* subtly copying someone's body may say you like or agree with them
for voice I'm not so sure, maybe
* find a famous person's voice that you like, then voice record yourself copying things they say in interviews, listening back, then trying again. do for a couple weeks.
* talk from your belly not your throat
again if anyone can share more 'ways' that pertain more towards appearing exciting, even if not backed by science. anything helps. | aspergers |
I’ve recently developed obsessions about other people and their morals. I’ve always had fears about being a bad person, mostly about myself, but lately it’s moved onto other people. For example I’m afraid to hang out with my friends because I’m afraid they are secretly bad people and do terrible things etc. even when I don’t have any reason to think so. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel really bad for projecting it onto my friends. | OCD |
hello. id not written in this subreddit in a year or so, as ive gotten a lot better. well, had i guess. i suffer from harm ocd and have been for the past 2 years. ive seen a therapist for a year and a half for it and stopped going around 3 months ago bc i was actually a lot better and had been for a while. but now harm ocd is bothering me again. id suffered and still suffer from thoughts of hurting my own mother or other ppl (but mostly my mother and my pet) and intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much anymore, which is what bothers me (its so dumb i know). i feel like i SHOULD be bothered by these thoughts bc they are so horrid but now that ive accepted them, im scared that i will act on them. a few mins ago i was in the kitchen with my mom and i had to pick up a few knives. my brain immediately flashed me a scenario of me stabbing her, like i actually saw it in my brain and it didnt freak me out at that moment, it felt like i could do it (not bc i want to, but still it felt like i could do it. i was neutral on it, it didnt freak me out. was i on the verge of hurting my own mother????) and when that moment passed it scared me shitless. was i about to hurt my mother??? i really dont know i feel like shit and have been for the past 2 weeks bc of harm ocd and intrusive thoughts.
after this happened i went into the kitchen again to do an exercvise my therapist had made me do, which is to hold a knife for 10 or so minutes with my mom next to me. i did it and the intrusive thoughts didnt come and when i forced myself to think about them to see what id feel on them, they didnt freak me out.
i was getting better for a good while, where the thoughts rarely came to my mind but now theyre back and i seem to have accepted them and do not freak out over them as much as i used to. like the thought of me hurting someone does not freak me out as much anymore, only sometimes does, other times i just accept it and it makes me feel like i can do that thing even though ive never hurt anybody nor do i want to. ive been very stressed lately (for the past month) and my feelings have dulled so much, i cant feel many things (and i can cry very rarely, but most of the time i cant cry even if i want to), not happiness, not joy but i sometimes feel sadness and get scared (like in the case of me having intrusive thoughts about my mother) . i dont know if what im experiencing growth and if im coming to terms with harm ocd, or if they just changed me and im a psychopath now.. i dont know what to do | OCD |
Edit: I understand it on a rational level, but I don't feel it. I don't feel like I want this stuff, I don't feel happy when someone asks me this questions etc.
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Things I really don't understand:
Why do people send each other cards for birthdays or Christmas? A message on whats app is just as fun and costs no money. I never quite understand what to do with such a card. Not putting it down feels rude, but I don't value cards. i do value that somebody thinks about me, but a message on whats app is enough for me.
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Why do people show eachother their purchases when they buy clothes? I don't need to see it beforehand. And I certainly don't need a fashion show where I also have to give my opinion, while I don't care.
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Why do people find it so fascinating to ask what I wear to a wedding that they don't even go to themselves?
Why do I always have to send pictures of my purchases? My parents and sister are so curious about what I bought, but why?
Why do people ask me what gift my husband gave me on my birthday? Probably it's all just interest and sweet but it feels like they want to hear me out. And I just honestly don't get why they want to know, and because I can't empathize with that, I sometimes react more hostilely than I intended.
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Do you recognize any of this? Is this an autism / aspergers thing or am I just weird?
​
Edit: I understand it on a rational level, but I don't feel it. I don't feel like I want this stuff, I don't feel happy when someone asks me this questions etc. | aspergers |
I would definitely call myself a social butterfly, I usually spend most of my weekends out and about hanging with my friends. I don’t do well alone because I get trapped in my thoughts. When I’m with my good friends I feel safe and it keeps my OCD to a minimum (MOST of the time. Not always.) oh also I am 25F with Pure O.
Well I’m coming down with a cold so I decided to spend the night at my apartment. I had a glass of wine, baked some cookies and did laundry. I was scrolling on social media for a bit and I saw a pic of my “friend” that triggered me to panic. I texted her something kind of mean a week ago and then apologized and I never heard back from her. I’ve tried to let it go but now I keep on thinking about it. Additionally, about a week ago I got dumped by a guy for his ex girlfriend. So naturally that popped up in my head and I have all these thoughts in my head telling myself how I’ll never meet a man who likes me, I’m a loser and he’s probably fucking his ex right now. Then on top of that I get fixated on certain words, idk why I never understood the term “ruminating” until I read up on it a few days ago and coincidentally I keep on hearing the phrase “ruminating thoughts” over and over again.
So yeah now I am sitting in my bed defeated. I try to do something nice for myself and my OCD ruins it. I am going to take some of my Lorazepam and go to sleep because that’s all I can do at this point. I wish I could be fucking normal and just relax in peace.
BTW yes I am on meds for ocd but starting t o wean off clomipramine to try another med. | OCD |
For me, whenever I see something I don’t like, my body spasms out of control at random parts of my body at random times. Either the very millisecond I see or hear that thing, or like 1 minute after. And it only stops once that thing exits my mind completely. Is that normal for someone with OCD? It’s not my intention for my body to do that, it’s more like a natural response my body has. I also get pins and needles everywhere too. | OCD |
I guess this is a cry for help. I was just diagnosed with depression a few weeks ago after spiraling into a bad place. We're talking insomnia and all that, all the textbook symptoms of depression. I've been on bupropion (Wellbutrin) and that has been an interesting experience, I'm on week 3.
Now I used to have a huge problem with OCD in my early 20s. It's been a while since we've crossed paths. Somehow I got hooked on the way one of my tattoos is placed during all of this, to the point where it's literally been driving me insane. What. the. fuck. How do I get out of this?
I am signing up for therapy, it just takes a while to get the process going. This is really not the only issue I've been faced with lately, I get hooked on plenty of other unhealthy mental fixations, but wow. I just need some words of wisdom. My brain is insane. Ugh.
Typing this made me feel a little better. | OCD |
I solely exist for myself. Walk this planet alone. I always have and always will. I'm a reject.
It just seems insane to me that people find partners, start families, and stuff. I would be in HEAVEN if I found a loving partner but that will never happen.
And not only that, but that's considered fucking normal? I have a hard time believing that. Humans are far too cruel, unloving and competitive. I guess if two loving people meet eachother but that's just so rare... | depression |
TW: details of sexual abuse
Hello I’m wondering if anyone else has a similar experience. When I was around 6, my brother forced me to perform oral sex and threatened me by saying he would tell my mom. It only happened once as far as I can remember but there were a few other alarming instances having to do with him. One time my brother, his girlfriend and I went to our backyard to tan and my brother literally started having sex with his girlfriend right next to me and I was so uncomfortable that I just didn’t move. I didn’t know what to do and I was frozen. I’ve realized as I’ve grown older that freezing is my fear response. They always say fight or flight but it’s really fight, flight, or freeze. Anyways, one of the things that came from this is that I (obviously) am a lot more uncomfortable with oral sex with male partners and it can be highly triggering for me. I’ve only disclosed this to one of my partners before. I still struggle to set boundaries and speak up when I don’t want certain things during sex. I feel some sort of pressure like if I don’t do oral sex, the guy sees me as boring or broken or he’ll start wanting that from other girls and it’s really hard to not think that way. It’s like the trauma is still having power over me in my sex life as an adult and I hate it and wish I didn’t have to deal with all of the anxiety that it makes me have in terms of sex and relationships. | ptsd |
I know I’m categorized somewhere for NT’s, but really have no idea where. I can guess that I’m the quiet one, but I don’t know what they think of me. I’m honestly scared of what they predict based on how I present myself (Just a reserved guy that wears dark comfy clothes) is what I think I seem like. I think it makes people uncomfortable, but then again I’m not sure. Up until abt a couple months ago I started paying more attention to who I am on the outside and realized I’ve been in my head for most my life. I still am, I can’t really stop that, but I always thought that what was in my head was somewhat understood by everybody, when in reality they have no idea. So I’m probably just there. But what does the average person think abt that person. Do I seem off? Most likely, but I’d like to hear from others who have experienced anything like this, or just want to speak their mind abt it. | aspergers |
It’s clear to me that I have a neurodivergent disability of some sort and it’s been consciously clear to me for near a decade now (I’m 21). However, whether it’s ADHD or ASD or some combination of both or neither is completely uncertain to me.
I have some clear symptoms of both ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder but reading through symptom requirements for diagnosis in both of those I’ve realized that I don’t really struggle with *enough* of the symptoms and not intensely enough in either to be clearly diagnosable, despite the fact that the symptoms I *do* struggle with are obviously making life harder for me.
I would love to go into detail about my symptoms but I would prefer not to write an autobiographical novel right now. Just know they include:
-disorganization
-poor time management
-socially distant, uncohesive, anxious
-stimming, repetitive physical behaviors
-avoidant of authority figures
-casual obsessions, both short and long term
-unsympathetic despite being very considerate
-uncomfortable asking permission for things
-capable of hyper-focusing, am right now
-occasionally flinch when touched, dislike sides
being touched, hate being tickled
-edit: forgetful
Not sure exactly what I’m looking for in this post, maybe relation, direction, or simply reference for later. Thanks | aspergers |
I was doing relatively ok, or maybe I wasn't idk. I pierced my own ear but I was happy doing it and now I'm really low and idk why. I'm so tired of how fast it can change. | depression |
I smoked some weed for the first time in a while. (It's legal were I live.) Pretty chill. But I stared scrolling through Netflix and all I thought is. "Yo these are some strait baggers." How is this related to ocd. It's pretty chill. I know some aren't able to get weed legally were you live. But to those who can try it. You literally forget about you ocd. Smoke responsibly (I'm saying do this ever so often to take the edge off don't self medicate) | OCD |
Pretty much the question. I’m having a really hard time with what to do. I love my job, but can’t get away from bullying behavior by a co-worker which then triggers my PTSD and anxiety. | ptsd |
I feel really depressed, anxious and overwhelmed right now. I’d appreciate if I could have someone to talk to. | depression |
Am I accidentally leading this girl on?
Hi, I'm 24 with possible aspergers, all the signs are there. Most autists can see it but my doctor said there's no point in a diagnosis due to lack of resources after 18. I'm saying this because I have trouble reading people. It took me 10 years to realize Smithers from the simpsons was gay etc.
Anyhoo, I developed an eating disorder last year, I lost 10 inches, eating is a lot better now though. People are a lot nicer now for some reason. Women are a lot friendlier which is weird, they're normally not. I'm sure it's because they haven't seen me in a few months.
At work there's this girl who's always friendly with me, waves frantically at me and normally asks if I want anything from the shops like a sandwich or chocolate bar, I normally say sure why not.
My co worker said "Joe, you know what's happening, don't you?", "I think she likes you, you're kinda taking advantage of her.", I was confused and said "What? I'm sure she's just friendly, girls don't want me.". He sighed and walked off.
Is he right? I'm not one of those women who abuse their hot girl powers and get free food out of guys am I?
P.s. This bit you don't have to read but an example of my social awareness in case people think I'm a troll.
7 years ago, I was at a new years eve party with this hot ginger girl, we were talking, she gave me compliments like "I like your hair, I like your beard.", she leaned in and said I smelled really nice.
Later on, a couple was making out on the other sofa, she looks at me, smiles and says "Ha, look at them kissing and look at us.", I say my default "Haha yeah.". That was it. It clicked in my head 3 months later but at the same time she could have been leading me on so I don't know. | aspergers |
Not covid, terrible thing, but lockdown? How have you guys found it? Because I can honestly say that my life has mostly been up since it started.
Moved a lot, and exchanged my "people are too busy to socialize" with "Everyone Is clamoring to exchange online". Working from home, away from people, able to take breaks to clear myself whenever. Not being judged for being myself as everyone is now doing it. Etc.
Granted, I can't wait for it to end, but I must admit I've enjoyed it thus far | aspergers |
I can't talk to anyone, if I'm upset my family gets angry at me, I can't talk to my ex... if I talk to my friends they just ignore me/tell me they don't care or whatever. I'm excluded from d&d because my ex is the dm. I'm so lonely, I just want to die, I'm so alone. I have nothing to live for. | depression |
Anyone notice that their heart rate jumps after caffeine and their meds? I'm currently on 60mg (30mg + 30mg booster) of Vyvanse, and yesterday, I think I overdid it with the green tea!
I had one cup of coffee and about 4 cups of green tea throughout the day and by 7 pm I felt very light-headed and felt like I was going to pass out! I checked my pulse via my apple watch and it was 140BPM (but I had also been moving about). It was really hard to move about for still a couple of hours afterwards and even cleaning my room, I had to sit down.
Anyone had this before? It gave me a bit of a scare, and I thought maybe I'd pass out or something! Can you die from Vyvanse?!
My caffeine tolerance (without meds) is usually quite high (multiple teas, and strong coffees throughout the day) but now I think it's gone way down! | ADHD |
I have a question... does anyone else ever become obsessed with a certain person? Not like in a romantic way, thats all I'm getting when I google it... but rather in a negative way. Like "I can't trust this person," "I need to look up everything about them to see if they're trustworthy," etc. Specifically and most recently I did this with a therapist I didn't like nor did I feel comfortable with. I found her FB, her children's FB, her divorce records, evidence of speeding tickets... now mind you, this is all public knowledge that I found online... but still, I crossed a line by looking into her in the first place and I double-crossed a line when I looked into her family. I "broke up" with her yesterday via text and have an appointment with a new therapist this coming Monday. My question really is, has anyone else experienced this? I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, how much time i wasted with her, etc. This isn't the first time that this has happened, just the most recent and definitely the most invasive (I've never gone as far as to look into public records). Also, is this something that I should be upfront with my new therapist about? I'm going into this intake with her knowing I am diagnosed with OCD but I don't want her to think I'll for sure do the same thing to her... but at the same time, isn't that important for her to be aware of? That it is a possibility? Idk, sorry if this is TLDR.... just really want to get this old therapist out of my head. | OCD |
Does anyone know anything about colour therapy glasses and if they help with sensory issues? I'm having a hard time finding autism-specific info on them, but I heard they can help with some type of overwhelm that prevents reading well or smth | aspergers |
So my husband has ADHD, not “officially” diagnosed but my personal therapist (a PsyD) has spoken to him a bunch and is 100% sure he has it. He’s going to be officially tested soon.
Anyway, he’s super forgetful, (Among other “symptoms” [is that the correct word?]), and it’s starting to impact his work which is why this post is focusing on the forgetfulness.
- He lost a coworkers wrenches
- He left his work laptop by an open window when it was rainstorming a couple weeks ago
- And now he almost threw out one of his certification cards that we just paid $325 for because he left it in his pants and threw the pants out
Any at home tips for remembering things/ organizing in the meantime before he gets tested? I wanna help him as much as I can.
*edited the post for a bit more context and I’m thinking I might have communicated some things incorrectly, sorry! | ADHD |
Risk-taking is often cited as one of the positive things about ADHD (along with working well under pressure).
I've always been very cautious. I'm kind of the opposite of a risk-taker. (I also don't work well under pressure.)
Hopefully this isn't getting annoying because I made a somewhat similar post earlier...but, well, I guess it seems to kind of mitigate the relatability to not have the things that are considered positive aspects. More than that, it's occurred to me that if Sluggish Cognitive Tempo turns out to be a thing, it seems likelier that I have that.
(I have also read a Reddit comment that posited the existence of 'ADHD with anxiety' as a subtype in response to a somewhat similar question, but that was just a Reddit comment; I don't know how much merit there is to it.)
If I'm under a lot of pressure, I generally just kind of freeze and do nothing. If I have a risky option, I will generally dismiss it pretty readily. If I have a decision where all the options seem risky, I generally get decision paralysis and...do nothing.
So...at the risk of being tiresome, is ADHD (-PI, if applicable) with risk aversion a 'thing'? Or does this sound like SCT (with SCT being a fundamentally different thing)? | ADHD |
anybody else take it? I used to be on adderall a few years ago it worked great and I was extremely productive. I stopped taking it because I wanted to and now my psychologist is making me try Wellbutrin xl before she will put me back on adderall. It makes me less anxious and sad but honestly Wellbutrin doesn’t help with my inattentiveness at all, I am not productive ,?I have a hard time being motivated and getting my thoughts organized. My thoughts still feel like spaghetti in my brain 😩.Any body else have experience with this medicine? | ADHD |
Hello friends,
I am wondering if people are on antidepressants and vyvanse, what antidepressant are you on?
I’ve been on Prozac, Zoloft and lexapro to no avail (over a course of 7 years) so I wanted to try something new(more potent).
Could you tell me what ones are okay to take with vyvanse?
Thanks in advance | ADHD |
Care to share some YouTube videos/channels that get your mind working overtime and are ACTUALLY useful? I'd love to know your sub list, here's a few of mine (I'm linking to my favourite video of the given channel to save you digging for an interesting one).
These are just some of my favourite go-getters, but go ahead and check out other videos from them too, they're well worth it I promise.
[Space - Black holes and how mental they are (VSauce)](https://youtu.be/3pAnRKD4raY)
[You can't ride a backwards steering bicycle (Smarter Every Day](https://youtu.be/MFzDaBzBlL0)
[Why UK plugs are the best in the world - no argument (Tom Scott)](https://youtu.be/UEfP1OKKz_Q)
[Life hacks, tested and debunked (Mental Floss)](https://youtu.be/3fQlYYZQBM4)
[Destroying scammers and hacking them instead (Jim Browning)](https://youtu.be/le71yVPh4uk)
[How to pick locks (LockPickingLawyer)](https://youtu.be/xhcKAClO-AM)
[Computer Science (free course from Harvard, a bit heavy but this sent me on a path to a career change)](https://youtu.be/zYierUhIFNQ) | ADHD |
I just started titration for ADHD medications and today started by taking 18mg Xaggitin XL prescribed by Pyschiatry UK but I've been an everyday w e e d smoker for about 18 months, for the sake of these meds I've decided to quit smoking at the same time.
I'm worried that the side effects of loss of appetite and headaches etc will just be doubled with withdrawal as well, but I've been waiting 4 months to get these meds so I want to make sure they work. I'm anticipating these 3/4 weeks of titration as well as going without smoking are gonna be pretty brutal.
Any advice? | ADHD |
Hi all,
First time posting here so I am a little nervous. Apologies in advance for the long post (also apologies for formatting, on mobile), but I just saw someone else’s post here that really struck a chord with me. The title was “What if it’s not ADHD and I’m just looking for an excuse”. I feel the same way.
I (26F) am being assessed at the end of the week and I am very nervous that it will come back that I’m just lazy, or that they will say it is depression/anxiety, when I know it is none of these things.
Background info: I have a couple of friends who work in mental health/psychology who have suggested in the past that they think I could have ADHD. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time as I thought, like many people, ADHD was hyperactivity. As a female, I do not often present with hyperactivity, more with inattentiveness. It wasn’t until recently I have had ADHD related posts/videos show up on my Instagram explore page, and seen things on TikTok. These posts educated me, and the more I saw the more I related to them. And also found that ADHD can often present differently in females. All of a sudden a lot of things made sense. After becoming more educated, I have been able to make the links as to why I’ve felt inadequate most of my life.
Not sure if these bits are important, but I feel they may help. When I was a teenager, around 14, I had “anger management issues” and was referred to counselling by my GP.
In high school I had difficulty listening and retaining information, handwriting was bad, I was reading the same thing over and over because I’d zone out and realise I hadn’t actually been reading/taking the information in. Or I’d get too excited reading so my eyes would skip over chunks of text. So I’d have to stop reading and read it all again in order so I’d get the parts I missed. They diagnosed me with dyslexia in high school around 15 years old. I actually found some old school reports recently from around this time and the majority of comments from teachers were that I need to concentrate, not be distracted, focus more, inattentive, complete tasks to a deadline, listen better. The subjects I did best in/had the best comments in were the subjects I enjoyed the most.
When I was around 16/17 I was told by my GP I had OCD traits, but was never officially diagnosed. And I have had tics for as long as I can remember, but I have never had them assessed.
I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression around 18/19 years old. My mood at present is normal and my anxiety is probs the best it’s been in a lot of years, so I do not believe I am suffering with depression or anxiety.
Self medicated with drugs and alcohol for several years, but no longer drink alcohol or take drugs.
Skip forward to now. I contacted my GP surgery a couple of weeks ago for more information on an evaluation/test for a diagnosis. I spoke with a GP and I found her tone to be quite judging and dismissive, however was told that I would be referred to the mental health team. I have since been contacted by them and am due to be assessed on Friday coming. When I spoke to the GP, I felt very under pressure and all of a sudden every symptom I had fell out of my head. She even mentioned this in my medical notes (I have access to my records). So since then, every time something has happened or I have saw something I know I do that could be ADHD, I have written it down so that I am prepared this time. My list is as followed:
• Hypersensitivity: mainly noises, no matter how small. For example if I’m reply to an email or a text, or trying to read, and there’s background noise, I feel like I’m unable to continue. And if I do it takes me even longer to focus. Also makes me feel angry like I can’t shut it off.
• Snappy when overstimulated, makes me feel very agitated. 0-100 in seconds.
• Difficulty regulating my emotions. Feel things very deeply. - Emotionally sensitive to rejection or criticism (RSD).
• Find things difficult in most aspects of my life: motivation, daily tasks, listening especially to instructions, zoning out when listening. Anything numbers related and my brain shuts off completely.
• My sister says I tell “pointless stories” and it’s just things that pop in to my head that I kind of say out loud. Or they mention something and my thought process thinks of something else that in my head is related but changes the subject for the person I’m conversing with. Says I’m very “chatty”, talk a lot.
• Zone out during conversations a lot, unless I’m speaking or I’m interested in what they’re saying. When receiving instructions, especially with anything involving times/numbers, my brain feels like a pinball machine. Cannot grasp it and forget seconds later, need to write it down. Catch myself zoning out and try even harder not to zone out, which makes me focus on trying to pay attention that I end up not paying attention even more. And it also makes me anxious that I look like I’m not paying attention.
• Haven’t done my shopping in a supermarket in about 6+ years as it’s too noisy, feel over stimulated and get too distracted and end up spending 3+hrs doing my weekly shop. Worth noting I am one person, and only have myself to feed not a whole family.
• Journal and often my handwriting is a mess because my brain feels like it’s moving at 100mph to get things out of my head.
• Daily tasks feel MASSIVE. Feel very overwhelmed with daily things. Makes me feel like I’m not capable.
• I can be doing nothing all day but it will still take me all day to eat and shower. And that is my whole day. Just eating a meal and showering and all of a sudden it’s midnight. Or I’ll have in my head I want to work (self employed) but I physically can’t, feel paralysed. Or it’s too late by the time I get everything done I need to get done cos things take me all day, sometimes longer, to do. And that’s if it’s a good day and I actually manage to get stuff done. Either way I’ll feel guilty for not doing anything/doing what I planned to do.
• I have lots of good ideas but can’t execute them, makes me feel like I’m not able to reach my full potential.
• Struggle to move forward with goals.
• New hobbies/interests. I will get so “locked on” to an idea. For example painting. I bought everything I needed: paint brushes, paints, canvases, pallets etc. Even watched tutorial videos on how to paint certain landscapes etc. But I still haven’t painted. This is the same with other things, such as photography, journalling, writing.
• Time blindness.
• Had problems with my sleeping pattern for as long as I can remember. Sleeping too much or not enough, goes in phases.
• Find it very difficult to get into and stick to a routine. Anything can throw me off - for example if I start to get okay with a routine then I’m away for a weekend, takes me forever to get back to where I was before I went away. Last time this happened was in June, and I’m only just starting to get back into a working routing (which has effected my income massively).
• Zone out a lot, stare.
So with all of this information, what are your thoughts? Am I right to be getting assessed, or am I just looking for an excuse for my laziness? I would appreciate any input, and thank you for reading all of this if you have done so. TIA | ADHD |
I thought it was working the first few days i got it and now nothing?
I’m trying to do an assignment and I don’t even know how to start. I keep getting distracted by something :(
I just can’t focus and feel like I can’t keep still. It’s really frustrating because I thought this medication would help me focus on my work but I feel exactly the same as before???
I’m currently taking 30mg… maybe an increase would make a difference? | ADHD |
Posted this on another forum, figured I could get some more insight here too.
Looking back at my past thoughts and actions, I can see that I've clearly dealt with OCD. However, there's one thing that my mind does that I can't seem to wrap my head around. I haven't seen anyone else talk about the same exact problem either which concerns me. I ruminate a LOT these days, it's a terrible habbit of mine, but it's not the same kind of rumination you may be thinking about.
I get a thought and it genuinely confuses me. It's usually about why simple things are the way they are. I ponder on it, analyzing every little detail I can so I can better understand whatever thing I thought about the way I want to. It usually just ends up confusing me even more and so I obsess over it and never reach any good conclusion.
I have had obsessive thoughts like why we love and what's the point of it, why we feel guilt and care for others, why music makes sense to us, and even worse ones justifying, incest, and pedophilia. However, these thought never bothered me that much and I eventually got over them and think what a sane person should think regarding those topics.
What has always stuck with me is the thought that death/murder doesn't matter because the person won't care when they're dead, which is a horrible mindset to have. I ask myself why it's wrong to make sure i'm thinking the right way but it's like I genuinely don't know the awnser. I really don't want to think like this, so I ruminate and analyze that thought in my head to try and logically disprove it without any luck.
I have no doubt that OCD plays a role in this somehow cause I used to have really bad anxiety about becoming a serial killer but things feel a bit different now, I feel like I've become a psychopath!
I don't know what to call this and what help I should be looking for. | OCD |
Looking for a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in OCD in NYC….any recs? | OCD |
Over the last few years I've developed very strong OCD. Lately it's been a nightmare. Sometimes it feels like my brain is eating itself. Intrusive thoughts constantly telling my brain things I know aren't true. Today, for the upteeth time, I was fighting off intrusive thoughts that were trying to convince me that I no longer love my favorite movie. This was in between the moments in which I was organizing my computer icons according to color. Something needs to be done about this. Is medication the way to go? I'm curious to know if there is anyone out there who has tried medication for OCD if it has helped for them. Thank you. | OCD |
i finally found an ocd specialist in my area who takes my insurance! she actually works through the Nocd app, but she does independent work as well (which is how im seeing her), which is great bc the therapists from that app are well trained in erp. i was considering Nocd for a long time but i’d have to pay out of pocket, and just as i was going to finally give in and pay $150 per session, i found a lady through psychology today who takes my insurance (: i’ve been suffering from various ocd themes in the past year pretty heavily, but right now im down one of the worst pocd flare ups i’ve had. im going to work so hard to beat this, i’ve already been reading anxiety/ocd books (Stopping the Noise in Your Head, HIGHLY recommend), and learning and practicing as much erp on my own as i can before i start my sessions so i can get a head start. im so determined to beat this and learn how to cope if any other ocd theme wants to take me on in the future. im feeling hopeful. i’d love to hear if anyone has any positive experiences from erp therapy or any therapy at all! i wish you all the best, this shit is hard. | OCD |
I have recently noticed a significant decline in my short term memory. Now given my cPTSD, i see it as a possible symptom, however its fairly new for me, and wondering if its environmental, would appreciate opinions?
I say environmental because:
\- although my sleep has always been poor, recently (10 days) its been worse
\- corona / covid is triggering, adding stress
\- i have a few things circulating my head more than usual
keen on views, as its a bit concerning as i am finding i have a thought, and lose it within 5 seconds. | ptsd |
So I would usually ask my family for reassurance in this matter but I don't want to bother them anymore tonight.
I've had really high anxiety and high stress lately and I just really can't take another thing that's going to bother me so I really hoping that somebody may be able to help me tonight. I am undiagnosed but it is a very evident in my life that I suffer from ocd.
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So the ridiculous scenario that's baffling my mind tonight is that I have my rabbits caged area very close to my bed because I have a pretty small room and his litter box has high sides but sometimes when he hops out of it the poo can fly out of the caged area and it goes under my bed it's just like hard stool it's not anything liquid or anything and I had a bed skirt on my bed that's just the elastic kind so it doesn't fully go under the mattress it just is a piece of elastic along the back and then a skirt along the front so when the poop went under the bed I had assumed that it had touched the bed skirt at some point in the three or four times that this happened. so I was cleaning my room tonight and I took the bed skirt off trying to pull it from the back on the elastic and just pulling the elastic over the bed so that the front part had in my mind been contaminated would not touch anything other than where it had already been and then just would fall onto the floor. Well it got stuck and part of the bed skirt went on the side of the mattress and also got pulled under the mattress a little bit. This is exactly where when you tuck the sheets in and I worry that you know when I make the bed or when I'm in the bed that I could you know somehow come in contact with where it may have brushed there. I know it's a bit of a stretch you know the poop might have touched the bed skirt which might have touched the mattress which I might touch when I'm in the bed or when I'm making the bed but I don't know if there's any health risk here and I really don't want there to be and it's another thing to worry about so if anyone has any advice that would be fantastic. :) | OCD |
Currently at 75mg Sertraline 16 weeks and I feel worse than ever. I'm wondering has it helped anyone's OCD and did it take shorter or longer than 16 weeks? Did you notice a particular sweet spot for a dose? If it didn't help did you switch medication?
Thanks in advance for the comments! | OCD |
I want to keep this short because I’m actually posting this during work hours and I have anxiety about not being productive enough (meta I know), letting others down etc.
I think I’m coming to grips with the fact that I’ve probably been burned out at work for several years now but it’s become so normal I forget what not being burnt out feels like. That being said, I’ve managed to still be successful and deliver value on my projects—even lead others most of the time. I think it’s my success which has let this go on for so long.
But I’m at a point where it feels like my brain just can’t keep pushing it anymore, like it’s trying to make the decision for me to take a step back via increased anxiety snd depression. It feels like at this point I just need to not work for a while to mentally reset on my priorities, reclaim my mental and physical health etc.
Can anyone relate? | ADHD |
I love matcha tea. And the way it makes me feel calm and focused. This morning I had a nice cup of matcha and read an article about matcha tea written by a tea journalist. I never read in school and when I do I feel really good. I never have the attention span to when I’m not drinking matcha.
Any who. I randomly started crying whilst reading the article and I have noted I’ll get over emotional about nothing. This time I had absolutely no reason to cry. Is that something other than my ADHD. Was it the matcha? Or does this happen to anybody else? | ADHD |
Squidward constantly trying to relax throughout the day, but continuously being bothered by thoughts of SpongeBob ruining the Krusty Krab and having to go back and forth to make sure nothing is bad happening, all while Squidward is telling himself there's nothing to worry about and always trying to get himself to relax.
Heavily reminds me of how when I'm trying my hardest to just sit down and relax, my OCD actively searches for something that I need to do a compulsion for. Meanwhile, I'm constantly telling myself that I need to just settle down, relax, and tell my mind to shut up for a bit.
Sorry if this was random, just kinda popped in my head hehe. | OCD |
My poor boyfriend I’m pretty sure I’m the first girl he’s been with who has add he’ll be mid conversation with me and I space and look angry and my tone sorta changes I try to always be honest and upfront because he always thinks I’m mad or upset with him but even convincing him I’m not mad has been a struggle at times I try explaining that “babe it’s my add sometimes I literally just have to tap out you say something that triggers me to think of something else I get lost and I just can’t do it all at once so I shut down briefly and come back but this isn’t me mad or upset”
Ugh “tapping out” I wish it made sense to normies 😐 | ADHD |
I cannot stand how my thoughts rule me and the constant need for need I'm not an evil monster, i have urges from hurting people from adults to children and sexualising and i end up in a panic, i have urges from literally wanting to say mean things to wanting to just type in Child Porn into google for not even wanting to see anything just to get the urge over, I hate my mind and how self destructive I'm becoming, I wish i could stop doing these compulsions just so i could feel better for the short moment, i hate my brain so much, I'm hoping soon i can soon see a therapist who can help me calm down and not be a nervous wreck for most the day, Does anyone have any tips or help in the meantime , anything would be greatly appreciated.
Edit: i also cannot stand needing others to help me or tell me im fine anymore | OCD |
So I have often found I struggle the most with trying to encourage myself to get involved and start activities, If that would be doing something work-related or even actually just playing a game to relax. It often means I will drop a ton of interests/activities after no more then a few days which from an outsiders perspective would seem like for no reason at all, which honestly after awhile gets kind of embarrassing.
I am mainly making this post as I kind of thought of the best way to describe this issue as It is kind of hard to describe to people how I can find an activity "enjoyable" but just have no energy to participate in it. Often I have found that there is a huge difference between something that is "Enjoyable" vs something that is "Fun". Something that is fun provides instant gratification and is generally exciting to participate in. It is an activity that you want to return too that can provide you hours of excitement. Games is an example that most people would likely call a fun activity. An Enjoyable activity however is something that you may still enjoy, but it doesn't give you that satisfaction that you need to be encourage to continue it. For me, Drawing is what I would consider an "Enjoyable" activity cause while I do enjoy drawing and actually really want to get better at it, It doesn't provide the instant gratification or encouragement I need to stick to it. It becomes a real struggle to continue doing as I would rather take part in a "Fun" activity which can often not really be worthwhile such as watching Youtube (I actually stopped and watched several Youtube videos while writing this).
I feel like this topic has likely been talked about numerous times, but I do struggle to find a lot of information about it. I am just generally curious if others do experience this Pain, and if you have actually found a way to resolve it? | ADHD |
i (20F) constantly switch between having trouble processing my emotions, getting attached to people, getting overwhelmed and freaking out when someone gets mad at me, to feeling little emotion towards the important things in my life. my therapist said a lot of people with adhd experience this, i just don’t know how to deal with it. | ADHD |
As I said i dont want to poison myself anymore,but I read old reddit posts and everyone says without nicotine their simptoms were worse.
Anyone who felt otherwise? | OCD |
My local Costco pharmacy keeps running out of Adderall within the first week of the month and can't order more until the 1st of the following month. My insurance plan allows controlled substances to be sent through their mail order program, but it does sound like delivery takes a while. Has anyone else tried this before? | ADHD |
My body is mine.
It has always forgiven me.
It has and will keep getting up despite the pain.
It has endured as much as my soul has.
And it is going to be respected.
By everyone. Including myself. | ptsd |
I sought reassurance and it made me feel better, tons of people told me things which denied my intrusive thoughts, I know deep down those people are right but one person said it was true and all I'm doing is focusing on that one negative piece of evidence (I can't get back into contact with the person because I blocked and reported them which I know is kind of shitty and I regret it because I need to ask them more) I just don't want this one negative piece of evidence to ruin my relationship or consume me. | OCD |
TW: SA, emotional abuse, dissociating
At first it felt like I was anxious and i just wanted medication to make it easier to go to school, and to be less quick to anger. Male aggression made me act out, and I got no satisfaction from losing my shit at women as it just made me feel guilty.
Then one day I stopped being able to get out of bed, and talking became really hard. Talking about anything at all, emotional or not. The only time I could speak about how I felt was when I was lashing out at people at school, and every time I tried to air out my grievances at home it was shut down or medicated. I couldn’t ever have a relationship that was healthy and lasting, I constantly was on my own. Emotionally sitting and eating my lunch in the bathroom at school because I had no one to sit with. Being on my own was more satisfying then any person presence could ever be. Because what’s a person when they don’t hear you?
Letting a teacher take advantage of my ignorance and being ignored when I complained about how uncomfortable he made me. Having one of my closest friends take advantage of me because I had no idea how to say no to people asking for my help. I owned a beautiful home, but took residency on the street out the front. My skin isn’t mine, I wasn’t in it.
Everything good felt like i didn’t deserve to enjoy it, every raised voice made my stomach and chest burn. It hurts when you only thought physical abuse was the problem at home. It hurts when you see someone else get treated with the love you have begged for your entire life from the people who are supposed to give it unconditionally.
It hurts when one day, after an entire life of never being held and cared for, you’re told it’s not your fault you can’t tolerate healthy relationships or genuine love. Even though it’s what you needed to hear to save you from your abuse cycles, it burns like the burning you get screaming at you to get out. The burning you can’t listen to because you’re so far removed from how you should feel.
They never showed me how I’m supposed to love myself and other people, because they never did it themselves. They never loved me or tried to. They failed as parents. I hate for it but I still can’t help but somehow blame myself. | ptsd |
Throughout my life, I have met 4 different boys and men who have taken advantage of me. Most of the time, I feel like I deserved it all to happen, since it happened so many times that it has to be my fault. My therapist said that it isn't my fault but I don't understand how she could be right when there's absolutely a pattern.
When I was 10, I was molested by a boy five years older than me.
When I was 16, I was assaulted at a party (probably my fault because I was a little bit tipsy)
When I was 17, I was groomed by a manager at work. He was slightly more than twice my age and I was just trying to be polite, since he was my superior. I know I was old enough to, but I didn't really understand why the attention was wrong or who to talk to about it, so I just kind of went along with it.
When I was 18, I was drugged and raped by a boyfriend multiple times.
I'm 23 now, and I live in fear of it happening all over again because of my shitty choices. I can't do the normal tasks that my peers do because everything just feels overwhelming, even getting out of bed. I deflect my anger and insecurities onto those around me, thusly ruining relationships that are otherwise healthy and good.
I hate this. I hate being this way. I just want to escape from my own body, to peel back the skin and start over. It feels like I'm just laying in a huge heap of dead bodies except the dead bodies are all me. | ptsd |
Would a pedo be attracted to a woman’s body as in big breasts, thighs, hips, and butt and then just randomly start liking kids? If the answer is a no I know my OCD is truly irrational and I can relax. If the answer is yes well...I’m gonna feel freaking awful | OCD |
I was talking today with a school counselor (college) about my stress and finishing up the semester. Not just stress from school but stress from my family. I take things very personally, last Friday my dad (sincerely) asked me if I think I'm dealing with a mental illness. Now for a lot of personal reasons I didn't really answer him and I was kinda pissed off. I keep explaining to my parents what Ritalin is and what it does, despite not having a formal diagnosis. Just the simple fact that my counselor said "I'm the classic case of ADHD" made me feel so seen because fuck all my family does not listen to anything I say. And **I'M** a pysch major! But him talking like I'm actually diagnosed was..nice. So yea that's my little burst of positivity. | ADHD |
I have been medicated nearly my whole life for ADHD and have been using Adderall XR since I was in Undergrad (Vyvanse in Elementary-High School). I was Previously taking 20mg and everything was good, I was able to focus and had little to no brain fog but I did have some distractibility like living in my head and I had to use coffee to surmount some of these issues and that snapped me out of it. Because of this, I decided to ask for a dosage increase of 25mg which I started 4 days ago. So far, I am still able to accomplish my daily tasks, some minor issues falling asleep but still getting 7-8 hours. However, one thing I noticed is something that I can't quite put my finger on and it's hard to describe but it feels like it might be brain fog but visually? My thoughts are normal and not speeding around and I am able to memorize and recall things quickly but as I look around, things appear to be in focus but everything feels kind of "off", if that makes sense?
As I have typed this, I feel like I can now accurately describe what's going on. It feels like I'm expending less effort and time than normal to be to able focus on things (but it's like I register what is there but without seeing it clearly), however, visually, things seem fuzzy as if I'm inside my head yet at the same time I am not in my head. I took some eyedrops and have been drinking water but my main concern is this apparent visual issue that makes me feel mentally as if i'm underwater. It's been a very long time since I had changed my dosage so I can't quite remember what getting used to it felt like, but does this sound normal? No other symptoms to describe but I'm hoping to hear if this is normal or not.
​
EDIT: Is this tunnel vision?
Edit2: The feeling Is kind of "Spacey", is this an indicator of too high of a dose? I didn't quite feel this way on the 20mg. | ADHD |
Tomorrow I'll be trying my fifth medication for ADHD, and I'm losing hope and I'm terrified. I think it's called Methylphenidate. I dunno, what if I can't be treated? What if I'm disfunctional forever? How long did it take for you to find the right medications? Also, If anyone's curious, so far I've tried Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, dextroamphetamine, and focalin. I'm getting the new one tomorrow but I'm so... Pessimistic. I wanna be positive but this whole process has been exhausting.. :( I just want to function. I'm tired | ADHD |
I want to seek a diagnosis but I keep procrastinating. I procrastinate on literally everything and I know I have a problem. But I procrastinate on getting anywhere.
I want to understand how/why people get this way. Yes I want to understand myself, but I want to hear from other people.
So my question is: why? Why do ADHDers procrastinate? | ADHD |
In general I've found it works well with my ADHD, you wouldn't expect it because in some ways it's a very Type-A job but it's also the kind of job that involves planning and checking someone else's work but handing over the execution (e.g., the hard part) to someone else. I also make notes in a running doc as needed like "don't forget to do x" but don't use a formal to-do list system because my brain is so all over the place that I'll just be doing something else and be like "oh shoot I promised so and so yesterday I would get that to her as soon as possible." And I think i've trained my brain at least in a work context to just do it when I randomly remember before I forget again and move onto the next thing. The other thing is that it involves trading a lot on relationships like "hey i did this for you, please be patient with us on this one bug" and I think the relationship element helps motivate me to do my work because I can frame it as "Lauren will be annoyed at me if I don't do this, and if i do it, then next time I need something from her, she will because she'll remember how fast I turned around this email list for her." Also there's so many little tasks that you get a little serotonin boost for like the smallest task completion, the amount of "OMG you're a lifesaver" type praise I get from coworkers for things that took under a minute is wild. I'm also really good at keeping basically our entire product roadmap in our head.
But I will be honest and say that the harder part is translating this huge body of information I store in my brain to actual cards or maintaining those cards as things change. Like in my head I know what's important and what's a great long term project for next year, but it obviously evolves and if I write it down it will be outdated within a month whereas if you say "what's an easy \_\_\_ project we can start the new developer off with when they start next month" I can always tell you. But I've been at the same place for 4 years and have gotten more senior, now have people under me, and it's gotten harder and harder, I can't just be a 1 woman encyclopedia on our product anymore. | ADHD |
My OCD has gotten horrendous lately bc the stress of exams, I have one left which is good but I am in a very difficult scenario right now. I am supposed to hu with someone tomorrow but my theme is orgasm manifestation and I am worried I might think of something wrong and sabotage myself. What do I do? | OCD |
Making an appointment with a doctor hoping to get back in with some meds. I saw her maybe 3 years ago and things were going very well. Mentally I'd say I was solid. Focused, task were complete and I wasn't so stressed out.
Last couple years have been rough and this year has been hell. I hide it well.
Feels like I've been on cruise control from destination to destination but I am completely unaware of wtg js really happening. Wish me luck lol | ADHD |
New job. Furiously taking notes the last few weeks, briefly lapsed, now I'm struggling to keep up with the amounts of information being thrown my way.
My commute is an hour and a half by trolley/bus. Got sucked into a task. Now it's almost 6pm my time. I should of been home 2 hours ago. My wifi card in my laptop is dead, meaning I now need to f'ing troubleshoot or replace it. It's only Monday...
Oh, and I did my first freak out today. The "oh shit, I only have an hour to do this task; let me gather everything I know; oh shit every program I need is breaking..." kind of freakout. FFS. Why can't my jobs be UNEVENTFUL. Why does shit like this literally ALWAYS F'ING HAPPEN...grrrrrrrrrr | aspergers |
Seeing my psychiatrist for the second time tomorrow and I'm really nervous to tell her about my intrusive thoughts. I've always had some tamer ones but recently started having violent ones. I know I need to tell her so I can get a full diagnosis and discuss new medicine options but it's really embarrassing and I'm scared she'll misinterpret me. How do I tell her I've been having thoughts of hurting people even though I don't actually want to do it? She'll understand right? Just need some reassurance and advice on how to explain it. So nervous over it I'm afraid I'll end up not telling her | OCD |
Hi all !
As title states really, I’m seeing a psychiatrist at the end of next month and this will likely be my diagnosis for ADHD. One thing that is making me nervous though is that I used to be addicted to pain killers (opiates) although I’ve been clean for about three years now.
My girlfriend really thinks this needs to brought up in my diagnosis, and I agree as it may be relevant, but I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me anxious that the doctor might not want to prescribe for me given my history.
Does anyone have any advice around this?
Thank you! | ADHD |
So here's the thing I have the same routine almost every day even play the same games everyday and you would think that I'd get bored of it but really I find comfort in it but lord help anyone or anything that changes it and I just get annoyed and or anxious idk just some thoughts | aspergers |
ive had a really hard time accepting that i have PTSD because people go through way worse all the time, and mine seems so insignificant. im reluctant to even talk about my diagnosis with my therapist. i do have all the symptoms, and ive been diagnosed professionally by two different doctors, but what i went through doesnt seem nearly bad enough. does anyone else relate? | ptsd |
Hi there everyone I'm hoping you guys can give me some insight into how your thoughts and feelings work as I've been having problems with my SO. He has OCD/POCD which strangely was never a problem until he got scarlet fever about 5 years ago. We've been together for 8.5 years and last year when he had to move away for school we decided to get engaged. We had always talked about getting married and future plans etc. He even mentioned throughout the years that we should get engaged when he gets into school.
Over the year I had asked him if he wanted to set a wedding date and he would get very anxious and his excuse was that he was afraid of getting divorced. I empathized because his parents were divorced. I would check in now and again about it and his excuses seemed to evolve to random things.
I went to visit him last week when he had the week off but was working and everything was amazing. We hung out, went on adventures, and even cooked dinner for his friends. One day after work we went to get dinner and all was good until the car ride home. He started prodding me to see if I had any anxieties about being with just each other for the rest of our lives. it was a fine conversation until he kept pushing and saying "don't you ever meet someone and wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with them instead?". Now I'm not naive and I think it's perfectly healthy to be attracted to other people, but it seemed like he was implying he wants to fuck other people which was very upsetting to me.
Anyway several days/conversations later I was very confused because he had never expressed that he was interested in dating other people etc. To be honest I was very hurt. We talked A LOT and I only became more and more confused when I would ask him stuff like "do you want an open relationship?" and he would say "well I would be lying if I said I never thought about it". Which is wild because we have both said we are not interested in opening our relationship.
After even more conversation it seemed like what was really going on is that he has a lot of guilt around his sex life due to his OCD and he was having trouble distinguishing between casual fantasies and actual desires that he wants to pursue and what is "normal". I told him it was normal to meet people and be attracted to them and think "well what if" but that for me it is always a passing thought and never something I would actually pursue. But he was having so much trouble figuring out what that meant for him what he "actually wanted" .
I gave him an analogy about shopping.... that if I see something I might want, I won't buy it right then, but if i'm still thinking about it days later then I know it's something I really would like and then I will expend energy on getting it. After that he seemed very relieved and he said that actually he didn't want anything with anyone else.....
He told me he had been planning to repurpose when I visited and that he got very anxious and started having all these thoughts.
After everything I asked him if he really wanted to get married and be with just me and he really had to think about it but said "yes".
I am honestly very scared by this whole exchange...I was always under the impression we were on the same page and we are always open with communication etc. I've always felt so lucky that our relationship was solid and we wanted the same things. Now it feels like BS...
I guess what hurts the most is that after almost 9 years together it wasn't immediately clear to him that he wants to commit. I mean we've already been committed so I just don't understand...
​
EDIT: somehow I messed up those flairs sorry. | OCD |
Hi!! Just so I don’t feel as alone with this, has anyone else experienced retroactive jealousy OCD with your partner? I feel so incredibly guilty all the time because of it and I’m wondering if anybody else feels this way. If I know of a person that my boyfriend has slept with in the past, my brain will constantly produce these intrusive visual thoughts of mini “movies” of him having sex with another woman, which is just obviously distressing because I don’t want to “see” that, and it causes me to ask insanely invasive questions because in a way it calms me down because I’m able to construct an exact mental image in my head of how it “actually” went and that it wasn’t all that I thought it was. My brain also makes me feel as if that is all happening in real time, so I feel betrayed even though it all happened long before we started dating. I just obsess over the smallest details and now I know way more than i should because it ends up hurting me (I’m talking positions, everyone he’s slept with, where it happened, etc). I feel horrible because he is truly amazing and I end up hurting him so bad because he regrets this time in his past and hates talking about it but I can’t help but seek reassurance and make him talk about it, which makes me feel insanely guilty. I just want to stop because I know that it doesn’t matter. Does anyone else feel the same way or have any advice for managing this? | OCD |
Basically I sent to nudes to other boys completely anonymously when I was 16. I wad addicted to porn at the time and completely separated this from my relationship. As soon as I realised it was cheating I wanted to tell me girlfreind. I'm so lucky she understood that I never meant to cheat and I was never gonna do anything like this again. She has completely forgiven me and we are happier than ever together. But I cant forgive myself, I keep replaying the sadness she showed when I first told her and it makes me feel awful. I know I made a horrible mistake and this is all my fault, how do I get over this? | OCD |
I'm sorry my issues or struggles may not be as bad as some of you guys, I really wish the best for you and that we all overcome this struggle soon. Just today I started having mood swings when I accepted that I had been ghosted again and it led to me feeling that familiar pressure in my chest while sad or negative thoughts clouded my head. This happened at 2 in the afternoon and I managed to fight the darkness and shake away those bad thoughts an hour later. However it is now 9pm and that pit in my chest is back, this time with a lack of motivation overwhelming me. Today is Friday, I want to be able to enjoy myself, play games and forget my stress and struggles for the night. Any advice on dealing with this symptom of depression would be deeply appreciated. | depression |
I've been having some hard time fighting TOCD and i feel the same, some days ago i was feeling sooooo awful like i felt stressed by school work and i literally was feeling sooooooo much HOCD and TOCD at the same time. I had to go to a party (i honestly didn't want to go but my family told me to go anyway) and all the way to the party i felt like i was accepting being trans and being a woman and as i i was enjoying it but i was making compulsions in order to like not doubt it was OCD and i had HOCD, TOCD and OCD about not actually having OCD and being trans wtf. I also felt suicidal thoughts at some point (not like "oh i'm gonna k*ll myself in this way" but rather "i'd prefer to die tonight, i feel so horrible and confused and this shit is killing me while destroying my life and who i am i fucking hate this") and yeah, that night in general was just awful, i miss the times when i didn't have this and could actually enjoy my free time.
If anyone here has this too plis tell me, i don't want to seek reassurance but i feel so weird wtf | OCD |
I work in a school and I wont go into too many details but I was touched by a student yesterday that was very similar to previous traumas.
Needless to say, I spoke to my boss and hes taking care of that end of things. This is not the first time this student was inappropriate with and so i don't even know exactly what is going to happen.
I am NOT handling it very well and I am terrified that I'm going to slowly lose grip on reality. The last time this happened I feel into such a dark depression that it's a miracle I made it out alive.
However, because this individual is in the same building as me I will eventually have to come into contact again. This has caused me to literally be on edge all day today. I'm currently afraid to go to the bathroom because of running into him. I'm so scared of retaliation because that DID happen before.
I'm trying to focus on my wins: I chose not to drink last night, and I felt heard and respected by people. Those both are big things for me, but I'm scared that my toolkit is not equipped to handle this.
I do have a therapist, and I plan to call for an emergency appointment. | ptsd |
Two weeks ago I started having dreams again for the first time in years. Since then I’ve also had more than a few nightmares and this morning I woke up with sleep paralysis.
The dreams and nightmares (with the exception of one) aren’t at all related to my trauma. Nor did the sleep paralysis thing that I saw look like the person who caused my trauma.
Does anyone know what can bring this on? Can’t discuss it with my psych as our sessions are paused due to COVID. Struggling to maintain my good mental health baits because I’m so tired from these nightmares. | ptsd |
I have some questions for anyone who is familiar with, or has knowledge about, ERP (exposure response therapy) for OCD (along w/some background info):
I have OCD but have been in therapy on/off for (probably 80%) of the last 10 years. I went through 3 therapists (1 counselor and 2 social workers lol) before starting therapy with a clinical psychologist.
I've been seeing my psychologist/therapist for the past 2 years and that was when I started a combined mix of regular "talk" therapy (saying what's on my mind, venting, etc.) & CBT for OCD (as well as some other comorbid/co-occurring mental illnesses..... GAD, MDD, ADHD).
I think CBT has been somewhat effective for general anxiety and depression, but it does not work as well for targeting my OCD symptoms. And my OCD symptoms are definitely the most debilitating and pressing issue in my life, so I feel like I need more intensive treatment than CBT. (I am currently rapidly cycling through SSRIs & have been on over 15 antidepressants, so medication is currently not an option until my psychiatrist and I find the right med[s])
How can I tell my current therapist that I want to try ERP (exposure response therapy)?? She and I have lightly touched upon the subject multiple times, and she probably has the knowledge to do so. But how can I really let her know this is something I'm interested in? I want better results for OCD treatment than what CBT has given me.. | OCD |
Whenever there's too many problems going on in my head, I'm always panicking. I'm afraid to lose everything I have. Everything I love. I just don't know what to do anymore. Why can't I be happy?
Everything I touch gets destroyed. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. All of my work and personal problems are getting the best of me. | depression |
And I feel I am not even aware of it…
I am constantly distracting myself, keeping myself numb from reality. Tbh i don’t even live anymore, I am just passing my time. Slowly things have just gotten worse as time goes. I am in a deep breakdown since last 1 year.
Covid isolation screwed me up big time. I am already a shy person, and lack of social things have just worsened my mental health. Add to that most of my close friends moved out from the city, so I am lonely af rightnow.
I wasn’t always like this. I have a good degree and passed among the most difficult exams in my country with good marks. But due to covid shutdown all my adhd hacks/ systems collapsed.
I don’t even remember things before covid properly. Its like I am slowly forgetting myself. | ADHD |
"But that's just life, everyone has that. It's just stress."
3 weeks ago I was diagnosed. After a lifetime of feeling like something is different or off about me but not being sure what, 5 years of university worries and unmet potential, procrastination, depression and anxiety, unstable job performance, frustration with myself, and then another 2 years on the waiting list to actually speak to a psychiatrist.
My parents divorced when I was very young, and my Dad is profoundly deaf. As a result, communication with him has never been rapid or easy, and when it comes to info dumping about whatever it is I've been fascinated by or what rabbit hole sank my attention, slow communication really isn't conducive. As a result of that and living with my Mum, there's a lot of my life he never got to see, and a lot of who I am that he doesn't see.
Today I spoke to him about the condition. The quote at the start was his response when we went through the criteria. He was really quite dismissive of it all, as if he couldn't accept that it's me, and that's understandable when I frame it in the context of him not ever truly seeing what's going on inside my head.
And you know what? I'm proud to say I didn't care. I no longer doubt myself. I know who I am, I have confirmation of my condition, and I know what I need to do on this journey to be the best me I can be. Not too long ago I was like him, I exclusively thought of ADHD as a condition for young boys who can't sit still and run around the classroom. So I get it. And I didn't let it get me down. That's a massive win for me, and I wanted to share it.
TL;DR:
Dad doesn't buy into ADHD beyond bouncing off the walls. I get it. I don't care about his view in that it won't get me down. I'll continue trying to educate both him and myself to communicate it better. | ADHD |
By “master masker” I mean someone that is really good at masking. I think I could consider myself a really good masker and it feels like I’ve learned to say a lot of the right things in conversation when I’m focused. Since fitting in was pretty much a special interest for a long time, I got really good at it by trying really hard. However, since I’ve realized I’m an aspie it’s been getting a lot harder to do it because I know it Isn’t completely real. Honestly it’s a lot healthier to stop masking, but it makes me a bit more awkward and weird, which I’ve been trying to embrace more. But other than my long rant lmao. I want to ask people who consider themselves to be really good maskers, to see other perspectives. How does it feel when you’re in a conversation? Does it feel like you have it under control, or is it sometimes a mindfuck? Just tell me any thoughts you have when conversing “successfully”. | aspergers |
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