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Hello, I'm Gabriel. | A heavenly choir. You must be an angel! |
No, that's my pager. I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again. | No, you are an angel like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife," or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance," or Slimer in "Ghostbusters." |
Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies. | Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end. |
Homer, I am not an angel! | Well, not with that temper. |
Homer, I am not an angel! | Look, the thing about my family is, there's five of us. Marge, Bart, girl-Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. |
Homer, your problem is quite simple. You're a drunken, childish buffoon. | ...Which is society's fault because... |
It's your fault, Homer. But I've got an exercise that will help all of you break out of the roles you're stuck in. Who feels like lunch? | Me. / Right here. / Oh, me too. / Please. |
You'll just have to cooperate. | Cooperate?! This is one family that doesn't swing that way. |
...And plenty of beer. | Gimme that beer! |
We've got to do something, but what? | Okay, family huddle. |
We've got to do something, but what? | Here's how it's gonna go down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other -- as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted. |
Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've gotta think of a plan. | Okay, but talk like this. |
Fine, I'll talk like this. | What? |
Give them the food! | Oh, no! The roast beef is making them stronger -- and the falafel is making them angrier! |
Give them the beer! It will impair their motor skills! | No! I will never... Oh wait, it's Blatz. |
Give them the beer! It will impair their motor skills! | Hey, they're all right. |
WE ARE FAMILY! | WOLVES AND COUGARS ATE OUR ROAST BEEF!! |
Well, I think you all did great. You broke out of your normal roles to accomplish something as a family. I've really earned my wings. | I knew it! |
You know, we've been through some two hundred and eighty adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger. | Yep. Our family is as functional as all get out. |
Homer and Ned, you may now kiss your brides. | Give it to me, baby. |
Homer! | It's okay. We're married. |
You and Ned married a couple floozies? | Marge, I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault. Liquors drunkened me. |
If I Had known there were loose women in Las Vegas, I would never have let you go. | Look, I did marry her, but I abandoned her. Amber, tell her how I abandoned you. |
Get out, Homer. | Look, I married her, but that is as far as we went. We never, ever made whoopee -- or even mouth whoopee. |
Now, now, Momma's gonna make you a snack. | Oh, yeah... Oh, that's good... Oh, don't stop. Oh, yeah... |
Oh, no. She's making him a sandwich. | Use both hands... |
Why don't you come inside and we'll talk? | Talk about what? Sports? Bigamy? |
Bigamy. | Not a sports fan, huh? |
You insensitive jerk! Maybe this family would be better off without you! | You know, there are only so many times I can say I'm sorry and still mean it! |
Why don't you just take Britney Beers and get outta here! | I would if it wasn't for the kids. |
We had a good run. | Well, that's the last we'll see of them. Come on, we're goin' to Moe's. |
Gee, Homer. Your new wife is great. Her lips look like night-crawlers. | You know, she could put that mole anywhere on her face. |
Wowww. | To Amber... who proves there are seconds in the buffet of life. |
Oh, sure. He paid for the hour. | Woo hoo! |
Why do you always wait 'til we arrive to complain? | I don't know. |
It's got pictures of deformities. | Okay. |
It's got pictures of deformities. | Oh my God! Wow. Now that's a goiter. |
It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns. | She said "tavern". I'm going to Moe's! |
All right. Outside. | Peace, my people. All shall be looked up. Let's see, most clothespins: swallowed, inserted... here we go, clipped to face and neck. One hundred and sixteen. |
Wow, that's the best book I've ever seen! | No, the best book you've ever seen is Tom Clancy's "Op Center." |
Francis of Assisi . | I've used up all these records. |
Why don't you try to set a record, Dad? | That's a great idea. Do you think I could run a mile in three and a half minutes? |
Only on Mars. | The Simpsons are goin' to Mars, so pack your... Or maybe I'll think of something else. |
Three years. | Fine, I'll just play the banjo with this cobra. |
Three years. | Wait, wait, wait... |
Uh, technically, the cobra would get the record. He's the one playing. | But it's my banjo. |
Mr. Simpson, there are thousands of people like you with no discernible talent. | Yeah, they're called "Congress". |
Shut up. | Okay. |
Like that town that made the world's largest omelet. | Denver? |
/ What's he talking about? | We're going to build the world's tallest human pyramid! |
I haven't seen this much flesh since Elke Sommers' hot-tub party. Seriously, Elke's great. Always there for sick kids. Doin' great things. | Okay. Lemme check the specs. |
I haven't seen this much flesh since Elke Sommers' hot-tub party. Seriously, Elke's great. Always there for sick kids. Doin' great things. | Wow, my vision is coming to life! |
ext. town square - later) | Mm-hm. |
ext. town square - later) | All right. I'll make a base camp here and try for the summit tomorrow. |
Yeah, Dad! You can be the world's laziest stunt organizer! | Why you little! |
Everyone, welcome to the Duff Book Of World Records: Springfield is the World's Fattest Town! | Woo-Hoo! In your face Milwaukee! |
Haw haw. | Now that everyone's so open about being fat, I can finally stop sucking in my gut. |
You kids do eat a lot of sugar. But at least Homer can have a nice, healthy grapefruit. | Yeah, you can't improve on nature. |
If you looked up meanie-beanie-fo-feanie in the dictionary, you'd see his picture. | Wait. You went to a sugar factory? Were there Oompa-Loompas? |
Oh, hello Homer. | Well, well. If it isn't the woman who's too busy saving the world to save her own marriage. |
What are you talking about? Is that dinner? | It was dinner. |
Why didn't you just turn off the oven? | I was hoping we could do that together. |
Silence! I rule in favor of Marge Simpson. | Oh, I am so proud of you. |
And, thanks to Marge's Simpson's damning evidence... I hereby ban all sugar products from Springfield -- forever! | Get in the car. |
I was just trying to make this a healthier place to live. | Well, good work, Blue-hair 'n' Brocko-witch. Okay, that was mine. |
Mr. Simpson, you are licking blood and Vapo-Rub. | Part of me knew that. |
There is a small group committed to bringing sugar back to this town. By any means necessary. | I'm with you all the way. But first... |
Gentlemen, I have found the final member of our cabal. | Count Fudge-ula? I thought you wanted to get off the stuff. |
Homer, we need you to help us smuggle in sugar from south of the border. | Oh, you mean Tennessee? |
There is the island! | I'm only doin' this one more time. |
I think he's grossed-out by some seaweed. | Eww. I touched it. Over. |
Get a grip, Simpson. You're doing fine. Now, do you have your map? | Kinda. |
Get a grip, Simpson. You're doing fine. Now, do you have your map? | Come on! Give it! I know, I'll try reverse psychology. I don't want that stupid map. |
Okay man, there's the sugar. Now you give us the money. | That wasn't part of the deal! |
Well, we're almost home. | Has everyone keistered their personal supply? |
Well, we're almost home. | 'Cause I sure haven't. |
Surrender or prepare to be sunk. | No way! We'll defy you to the death! |
No, I'm having one! | Remember what I told you about running away from your troubles? |
Yeah. | Let's do it. |
Good work, Simpson. | Before I bring the sugar in, I want to see the Oompa-Loompa. |
Don't listen to her, Homer. | Oh, they both make such good arguments. |
Mm. I guess you just can't use the law to nag. Maybe I should just stop trying to change the world. | No Marge, I love when you do that. You're a regular Carin' A-lot-ovich. |
That's the best one! | That's what I told Lisa! |
Ooh, a salute to brunch! Wave to brunch, Maggie! | Look at those abs. |
Ooh, a salute to brunch! Wave to brunch, Maggie! | Everyone here has a six pack and I'm the only one with a keg. |
Uh-oh, the professor said not to let him get a boner. | I'm laughing but it's a laugh of impatience. Show the movie! |
Uh-oh, the professor said not to let him get a boner. | So many previews. So many previews. So many previews. |
If that's a phrase you like to hear, then you'll love MovieCall. | Start the movie! |
Homer, you're going to get in trouble. | I'm not scared of those ushers! What are they gonna do? Advance on me? |
Litter is my most treacherous foe. I would like to eat its children. | So long, suckers! |
Litter is my most treacherous foe. I would like to eat its children. | My mouth. My beautiful mouth. |
Homer, you've suffered a broken jaw. | Broken jaw? |
But breaking your jaw has made you so sweet. Maybe we can go. | Mm hmm. |
This has been one of the most magical evenings of my life. | I'm horny! |
Homer, your breath smells terrible. I'll have to take off my shoes to cover the odor. | Nicely done. |
Uh, hey, how ya doin'? | I was just tellin' all the guys how losing the power of speech made me a better man. |
I'm an alcoholic. Homer, will you appear on my show? | Sure thing, Alky. |
Well, he would eat all the time. We'd be making love, and he'd have a mouth full of Hershey's Miniatures. | Krackle was my favorite. |
He did such crazy things -- roll clip. | Ostrich burgers! Get your ostrich burgers! |
I'll take one. | Okay, you pick one out and I'll punch it to death. |
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