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I'll take one. | Dude, I thought we were friends. |
I'll take one. | I'm not proud of that clip. |
Do you promise not to wevive your weckless, weckless ways? | Well, I don't know. The demolition derby is next month... |
Please, Homie? No more craziness -- for me? | Well, okay. For you I'll be as dull as Dilbert. |
Hm, all clean, just the way I left it. | I'm gonna kill you! |
We're rehearsing a play. | Yes, and I was merely reading the title: "I'm gonna kill you." |
We're rehearsing a play. | Yep. Nothin' to get excited about. |
Well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. | Professor Van Doren, so good to see you. |
This place is so dull. The nine-one-one button is covered with dust. | I just poured myself a new glass of milk. The old one sat out for a little while. Are you comin' to bed? |
It's seven-thirty! | Marge, I could stand here and argue with you, but then I'd have to get a new glass of milk. Goodnight, honey. |
The Demolition Derby? That'll scratch my itch. | Marge? Marge is gone! But at least the Demolition Derby form is... |
The Demolition Derby? That'll scratch my itch. | What?! Nooo! |
Dad, you've gotta do something. | But bold moves are no longer my forte! |
She could get hurt! | Oh, what do I do? What do I do? |
Sure, sonny. | Ah, this beer's deliskous. I'm gonna saves me wife! Now let's get this show on the road. |
A man on a donkey! Never in my six weeks on the job have I seen the likes of this. | Looks like I need some fuel for me mule. Gas for me ass. |
A man on a donkey! Never in my six weeks on the job have I seen the likes of this. | Aw, looks like a little angel. Now to save me Marge. |
This family needs a live wire, but it's just not me. | That's okay, Marge, you're a good wet blanket. The kind I like wrapped around me. |
Ooooh. | Here's to a happy, well-rested Marge! |
Let's approach with caution! | Unguarded breakfasts -- the sweetest taboo. |
Pretty much. Yeah. | What's goin' on? |
Oho! Trouble in paradise. | Hey Marge, it's that guy who couldn't get any off ya. |
Homer, Marge, I have a rather delicate proposition. | Spill it, moneybags. |
Yes, I do have everything. But yet I often wonder what life with Marge would have been like. | It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me feel his boobs. |
Homer, I will give you one million dollars to let me spend a weekend alone with your wife. | Hm, a million dollars? Wait a minute. How much sex would be involved? 'Cause if it's "some"... |
What? | If we had Artie's money, I could get that snoring surgery. Plus at least two of those other surgeries I desperately need. |
Besides, I like some of the noises you make in bed. | One squeaking-spring symphony coming up. |
Wow! Homer, that was amazing. | Yeah, I... |
Wow! Homer, that was amazing. | Honey, did you get any sleep? |
Wow! Homer, that was amazing. | Oh, I'm so sorry. |
Are you snoring while you're awake? | Uh huh. |
And you get more sprawl space on the bed. | Wait, you really think Marge is gonna fall for this guy? Even after I bought her that hockey-fight tape? |
Yeah, I can't get Artie out of my head. He's like a spy in the house of Moe. | Oh God, you're right. I've gotta get her back before it's too late. |
Yeah, I can't get Artie out of my head. He's like a spy in the house of Moe. | That's enough running. |
You're not on the guest list, Simpson. Orders of Prom King Ziff. And have you been drinking? | Just for twenty-five years. |
Okay. | Oh no. If Marge marries Artie, I'll never be born! |
Oh yeah, make me the bad guy. | My life here is over. Lenny, how'd you like to leave town with me, and never come back? |
Sounds like a plan. | Then it's settled. We leave Springfield forever. |
Homer was there? | I saw something terrible, and I can't even say it so I'll have these two dolls do it for me. |
But I can explain! | I'm leaving you, Marge. The next time you see my name will be in the hobo obituaries. Don't worry about the kids -- I'll drop 'em off with Patty and Selma. |
But I can explain! | Patty and Selma? Screw that! |
But I can explain! | Just run the camera, you little... |
But I can explain! | Goodbye, my darling. |
I carved that one wonderful summer. | What did Carl think? |
I'll put you on rig thirteen, as soon as they burn off the corpses. | This job'll be perfect. I'm gonna leave this world the way I entered it -- dirty, screaming and torn away from the woman I love. |
Looks like we're goners. Oh well, circle of life. | Marge?! |
Ain't ya comin', Homer? | Why? So I can watch my wife spend the rest of her life in the arms of another man? I don't think so. Good day. |
But, Homer... | We said "Good day"! |
Listen to me, Homer. You've won. You own Marge's heart. And that's something I could never buy. | Woo hoo! |
We can't take his money. | Oh, I can't take his money... I can't print my own money... I have to work for money... Why don't I just lie down and die? |
Goodnight, Homie. | Goodnight, honey. |
For God's sake, Homer. Give them back their flame! | No. The Olympics have preempted my favorite shows for the last time! |
You can always find your favorite shows next month. | You wait 'til next month! You wait 'til next month! |
"Springfield Preparatory School?!" Dad, you told me there were no private schools in Springfield! | But knowing about it would make you want to go here. |
Hello, and thank you for coming to our fund-raiser. I'm Headmaster St. John Van Hookstratten. | Ten-four, princess. Is that your beer tent? |
Hello, and thank you for coming to our fund-raiser. I'm Headmaster St. John Van Hookstratten. | Ow! |
Monkeys point. | Monkeys cry. |
No, I belong here! Pleeeaaase! | Don't worry, honey. We can't afford this now, but when it's time for college, I promise my darling daughter can go to the finest school there is. |
No, I belong here! Pleeeaaase! | In South Carolina. |
I will not be a Gamecock! | You will too! |
It's so cute you're going to a little girl's house. | Look, boy. Here's my advice on women: don't give them nicknames like "jumbo" or "boxcar" and always get receipts -- it makes you look like a business guy... |
It's so cute you're going to a little girl's house. | What the hell is that? |
That car's as big as all outdoors. | Wow, what kind of mileage does it get? |
Homer, I see your daughter is one of those whale-kissing, Dukakis-hugging moon maidens. | Yeah, one time, she-- Oh, she's looking at us. Be cool. |
I just want my daughter to be happy. Plus you eat the pretzels I drop on the floor. | That I do, sir. |
Yeah, I guess. | DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! |
Yeah, I guess. | Ouch! I sat on something sharp! |
Oh, that's just Lara Flynn Boyle. | I have a Boyle on my ass. |
And where were you? | Cockfight. |
...so to win Greta back, I have to go to Toronto. | Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior? |
Maggie, what do you think? | All right, Son. We'll all go -- first class! |
Dad, no. It says "don't walk"! | Doesn't matter. They have free health care. |
Dad, no. It says "don't walk"! | I'm rich! |
Oh, you'll win her back, eh. And B, we're closing in five minutes. | Would a U.S. dollar change your mind? |
The geek shall inherit the earth. | There she is, boy. |
I don't know, Dad. What if she's still mad at me? | Listen to me, son. No one loves a quitter. So you go over there and you win her back. |
But she might say no. | Oh, I quit. There's no convincing you. I'm gonna take a nap. |
Dad, it's a documentary on the homeless. | Oh, right. |
A crazy dog's trying to kill me! | Really? Ooh, this I gotta see. |
A crazy dog's trying to kill me! | Oh, he just wants to make friends. |
A crazy dog's trying to kill me! | Ooh, who's a good dog? What a goody doggie! Oh what dee de bobo! Echee chee googie! |
So Bart, when does the killing start? | He's a good doggie! |
Well, right now, I'm supposed to be in school. | Just you wait! |
I guess you're not going to have an adventure this week. | Hey boy, where'd you get that hat? |
Buck gave it to me. He's just about the greatest guy who ever lived. I wanna grow up to be just like him. | No kidding? Hey, speaking of achievers, they're thinking of spraying your old man's work space for ticks. |
Bart sure is fond of that cow gentleman. | It's just not fair. This Buck fella's had all the advantages --horse-riding lessons, the finest makeup, delicious studio food... |
Aw, Homie, you'll always be my western hero. | Swell. |
Dad, why are you wearing that? | Because I want to be your hero. On top of which I don't look bald. |
Gee Buck, your old films are as violent as today's! | One of the wheels broke off my chair today. But I didn't make a movie about it. |
SIR YOU CANNOT PEE / UNLESS YOU ARE AN EMPLOYEE... | CAN'T KEEP IT IN... |
Boy, that's some fancy shootin'. | I've seen fancier. |
Live, from the corner of Zany Avenue and Martin Luther King Boulevard, it's the Krusty the Clown show. With special guest Buck McCoy. And now, here's Krusty! | Oh, listen to you. "Ooh, ooh, I'm too old to change. " How old are you? |
He's drunk! | I've seen drunker. |
Did I forget to mention I'm an alcoholic? | For shame! |
That is just grotesque. | Well, I thought if you were looking to worship someone, maybe it could be your old man? |
Eh, we could try it. | Yes! |
Eh, we could try it. | My son lost his hero. This should be the greatest night of my life. How come I'm not happy? |
You care about Bart's feelings. | Stop saying that. |
Seventy-six. | Nice old man. Don't break a hip. |
Buck, if you walk out that door, you'll be branded a quitter forever. | Mmmm, something smells delicious. |
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